Jill! :) First of all, you're awesome! Thanks so much for the dedication which I so *observantly*, epically, didn't see at first. It made my day! & anytime you need a reader, all you have to do is ask (until I perfect my brain-reading powers, and then I will know even when you don't ask! *dramatic music*).
So I liked this story for several reasons, so now I shall tell you why. Be incredibly excited.
1) I can very much relate to Cedric's moment of panic and brain-searching. :) I hate it when this happens to me, when you hear someone's name who you supposedly know but can't remember or when someone makes a reference that you're supposed to understand. And of course you don't because this is real life and you have to humiliate yourself to maximum capacity throughout the course of the day. :P
2) I like how Cedric isn't Golden Boy for once! ^_^ Thank you because I personally like it when writers treat their favorite characters with a critical eye because they're people too. :)
3) Hermione did not have an instant makeover. Well done! :D
4) I feel like I am actually in Cedric's head: it is a nice, realistic capture of a moment.
Major kudos! And thanks again! Cheers!!!
Hallows

Author's Response: Bahaha, of course dear! You're so lovely and helpful and overall awesome, you deserve it :)

I'm really pleased that you liked it. I love trying to make these characters relatable and not... I dunno the word. I feel like too many people try to make them perfect which, with certain characters can work, because a few of jkr's were like that, but I really enjoy taking them out of that mindset/situation.

Thanks for the review! :) I'm really really glad you liked it! :D

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Wow- what a nice one-shot! You should be proud of it. ^_^

It's very impressive how, in such a short space of time, you have managed to create such a sense of character. Theodore is an intriguing character, IMO, because he creates so much internal entropy for himself while condemning the chaos that is around him externally.

Does that make sense? I mean, the Great Hall for instance- he dismisses his classmates around him as thoughtless drones, going on and on about trivialities while trying to be louder than the other students around them. They're mindless, Theodore thinks. But it's sad, really, when you consider that Theodore is constantly judging these other students who--granted--might have their flaws, but at least they are not alone like Theodore is.

He's unhappy, which I think is why he's so dismissive of everyone around him. He isn't accepted, so he won't accept anyone else. He keeps up a constant internal monologue but never lets anyone in. He even keeps Blaise at a distance, who is the only person in the piece who tries to engage him at any point on a meaningful level.

Tell me if I'm totally off-base. ^_^ Hahaha. Either way, I loved it! Oh- and in addition to creating a great character, I enjoyed reading your description and attention to noise. It really got to me, the reader, like it got to Theodore- that's great writing! :)

Kudos.

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: I totally agree he is unhappy, and keeping people at a distance. I wanted to keep him true to what the lexicon said that he's a loner. This was such a fun piece to write and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for such an amazing review.

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Hey Kirsty, I really liked your one-shot. ^_^

It's rare in a one-shot to truly be able to get inside a character's head, and you managed to create a very vivid characterization within a few thousand words. Very impressive, indeed! :) I like Dominique-- I like her courage, her spunk, her zeal-- I feel that you (the author) know her inside and out, which makes her character breathe.

What I also liked about this one-shot was the line structure. Each line is powerful, and it's amazing how you have created so many statements that-- in some ways-- aren't even statements at all. I mean, the whole time Dominique is questioning herself and her relationships, why she feels can't fit in and be normal like she would like to, and sometimes what might sound assertive when spoken is indicative of a stronger self doubt. You're a wonderfully perceptive author, and I love how by the end--as a reader--I feel that Dominique has reached a point of, maybe not pure confidence, but a state of being more comfortable with who she is. It's beautiful. ^_^

My wish: that you would take this awesome, vivid character that you have managed to create and let us see her live her daily life, let us watch her as she struggles with who she is. You've created a rare and colorful character, and I hope you write her into a story. :)

Thanks for posting! I loved it!
Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: wow, this is possibly the most flattering review i've ever had! Thankyou so much for taking the time to write it. I'm so glad that you like Dom and feel that she is real, and also happy that you liked the structure and the climax where Dom reached a sort of epiphany.

As for continuing this into a story, its not something that I actually considered, this oneshot was written when I was upset and it was basically my thoughts and feelings and I just linked them to another character. However I do see the appeal of writing about Dom.

So, I make no promises but I might continue this story at some point in the future :) -Kirsty xxx

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Aww- this one shot was adorable. ^_^ Thank you so much for posting it!

I thought it was lovely how, in the beginning, you create Victoire's vividly excitable, seemingly out-there character, but in the end it turns out that Victoire is as grounded as Teddy. She's energetic and living in her daydreams because she loves him; she doesn't want the night to end. It's the rush she needs because she's facing the challenge of being away from him for a year. She knows it isn't possible to just run away from the moment she says it, but she's desperately trying to hide from her sadness in exhilaration.

It's beautiful, in the end, how she confronts it with Teddy by her side, thinking of what their future is. She doesn't just childishly deny what the next day holds--as she does in the beginning, a bit-- but she accepts it with grace.

^_^ At least that's what I got from it, anyway. Keep writing! It was lovely.

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Awe, thank you so much! You would never believe how excited I was to see that there was a review! I was slightly worried. :p

Anyway, that is exactly how I was hoping people would perceive this story. A love that is just sweet and innocent, but also that there really is deepness hidden underneath.

Thanks so much again! I'm so happy you liked it. ^_^

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"I'll never figure out these infernal boys' minds." True that!

I'm not quite sure what is worse- being partnered with your crush or not being partnered with your crush. I think that, if you have a crush, life will be generally infuriating and humiliating no matter what you do. :)

One of my favorite things about this chapter is the interactions that occur between Tia and her friends; the way you write Tia's familiarity with Alicia, Angelina, and Katie puts the reader at ease within the story. And of course I love dear Oliver as well- half prat, half gentleman. ^_^ You write him wonderfully.

Another favorite thing about the chapter is the way that your inner-HP-fan shines through. *nods fervently* The details you include about potions and the way you mention how Tia has a HBP-ish ability to alter potions with dexterity really puts the reader inside Hogwarts and embellishes your OC with realism. Also, the way that you don't shy away from any of the details really gives the reader a sense of being able to see inside Snape's Dungeon.

I was slightly worried about the Oliver and Tia work session when I initially read it would occur, but I think you handled it wonderfully. No cliche-ness, and interestingly Oliver loses a bit of his facade-cockiness. :) Good stuff, that: it makes Oliver human.

I must admit, from a girl irl POV, it's very difficult to believe that guys think as much about their crushes as we do ours. ^_^ Mwwwhahahaha.


Kudos for an awesome chapter! ^_^ Update soon, I need more Tia/Oliver laughs! Cheers-

Hallows

Author's Response: Laura! hahaha thank you times ten billion for such a lovely review :D I'm so pleased you like all of their interactions... I tried to base it off personal experience - how people react in these situations. I find it odd that some authors don't because if you take from experience, there are so many things that happen all the time that I personally can't help but use.

I don't know how to reply to the detail compliment. I'm seriously so touched. I find detail so integral to the piece; it's so important for the audience to understand exactly how the character is seeing the situation whether it be physicall, emotionally, or both. That's it, I have no other words :)

Hahaha, no! I try and avoid all cliches, but only by a small amount - you know, just to prove it can be done :P I knew, going into this, that there would be so many cliches, but the trick is to convince the audience that it's essential, that even though this happens often, the characters can still retain themselves in the situation. :)

Thanks so much again for the fantastic review, I'll try my darndest to get another chappie out soon :)

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Hey, Sarah. Since you left two wicked awesome reviews of Tracker, I thought I would repay the favor.

So it's onto Chapter Fifteen of Safe, is it? You know, I remember when this story just had twelve little chapters! *sighs, pinches cheek* Time flies! ;) And you've gotten much better as a writer even in the short space of time since Chapter Twelve, not that I did not like the title ("A New Home"... *snuggles!*) or the wonderful blanket nugget. ^_^ Still, people get older and wiser, and so you have, young grasshopper.

And now I'm reading emotional (incredibly well-written) angst. Oh fun. Let the games begin. ^_^

I am struck by how completely and utterly broken Hermione is at this point; it's incredibly well-written! Yet, awesomely, no where do you have "Hermione was completely and utterly broken" written anywhere (I *checked*), which means that you have gotten to the point where I don't even think you write in author voice anymore! That's really inspiring. I envy you. [Seriously- Look outside your window. There are lots of buckets. They are full of envy.]

Something I liked about this chapter: "Draco had not moved from the base of the tree. He surveyed her tense form, her balled fists. As he spoke, he chose his words carefully, trying to keep his voice calm. He would not lie to her." It's becoming more and more obvious to me that, through the early chapters, the way Draco showed he cared about Hermione was by trying to shield his feelings from her. It's like he wanted to contain his damage so as not to damage her. It's now that he's starting to change, and we can tell that it's difficult because in some ways it would be easier to lie and less painful for her. But he's decided not to let himself lie, and he doesn't. Powerful stuff! ^_^

And, of course, the crescendo! The Dramione in this chapter, the first Dramione kiss in Safe. Thank you for not making it read something like this:

"Draco," Hermione sobbed hormonally, "Harry and Ron left me!"

"I will never leave you!" Draco whispered--running his fingers through his blonde locks--as he moved his face closer to hers.

"I love you Draco!" *eats breath mint*

"NO, I love YOU, Hermione."

*snog session ensues*

I mean THAT ^^ would have been ICKY, and this is not icky! Congratulations! :) The issue I suppose that some find an issue (I personally, don't) is that Draco and Hermione haven't actually acknowledged their feelings for each-other. What a pesky technicality! ;) They aren't--what's the word nowadays?--"official." Draco is actually convinced that Hermione can't possibly feel that way for him, that she is trying to feel wanted and needed and is using him.

The fact that he honestly believes it and is willing to let her do it anyway is beautiful. Really beautiful and incredible and... you've written love, really.

And did I mention that I want inside Hermione's head to get her thoughts on this? Can I put that in the comment box? ^_^

[Begins objective criticism, things you might want to fix, now]

Moving onto the next scene--Ginny. I don't really have a lot to say about this, to be honest, except to give you a bit of constructive criticism. Some of the dialogue is a bit forced-- and I know it's between the Minister and Ginny, so in a way it should be--but it feels sort of unnatural-forced, not good-forced.

Example-

"Interesting," he murmured, "Very interesting. So you think those two are together? Separated from Mr. Potter, or accompanying him?"

I can't see the Minister of Magic saying, "So you think those two are together?" I just can't!! ^_^ Most of the dialogue in this chapter but that *winces* isn't very believable to me. Sorry. Oh! And I also love the Gollum-channeling. "Interesting... very interesting..." ;)

And sometimes the bits like "She composed her face into an expression of disdain" struck me as odd. You know, like that---> *squints, arranges look of disdain!*.

Moving onto the scene after that-- the only advice I would give is that Ron is not perfectly articulate...and neither is Harry. I think you walk a fine line in having two people very un-inclined to talk about their feelings, ever, do nothing but talk about their feelings. ^_^ It works here, but just, be careful!! *nods*

I'm running out of space, so I must be brief! About the final ultimatum, sorry. I am not going to predict what will happen because 1) I want to see what you come up with and 2) I hate being wrong. Teehee. ^_^

Honestly, though, what's scary is that I don't think it would be OOC for Draco to try and protect Hermione and to accept the deal. It's masterful that you have created a character that we, the readers, feel like we know so well because of your *awesome* writing. Yet, we obviously don't know him well enough!!! *dramatic music ensues*

:D Epic. Loved it. So what do I say now?
10/10!
Adding to favorites!!! omg!!!
& my personal favorite
Update soon? ;)

Yeah I think that covers it.
Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Thank you for such detailed feedback over all of the main elements of the chapter! It is odd to think of this story as it was in Chapter 12. I felt like I was stepping onto the brink and now I feel like I have crossed it. Time truly does fly, and I'm pleased that you consider the story to be progressing in sophistication. Thank you so much.

I love that you are finding depth in the emotional turmoil. Fourteen & fifteen are so depressing; I think I need some sort of singing animal to hold out a Hallmark Card. On second thought, maybe I should cancel the chanting puppy? There might be holdouts who think this story will be fluffy! I'd hate to give them false hope. ;-)

In all seriousness, I've really enjoyed writing the darker chapters. They are harder, as evidenced by the horrific updating time, but they are much more rewarding.

Hermione's characterization is very much in flux right now, so I am going to seize upon this opportunity to discuss it with you ^_^ She is, as you say, completely and utterly broken. She's in pieces. When I set out to write, I wanted to know what happened when people are completely and utterly shattered. I wanted to understand what that looked like. Writing it through Hermione has been terrifying; it's so intensely personal to me. This is what I wanted to know and I hope I am finding the answer. I hope you continue to find it realistic. Truly, that means the world to me.

I adore the buckets placed across my lawn. ^_^ Author voice and hackneyed idioms are two things I truly struggle with; your compliments are very reassuring.

You are completely correct about Draco's transformation. His occurs so gradually; I was afraid that it would not shine though. You phrase it perfectly. He tried to contain his damage, despite her attempts to force him to be honest with her. Now, he's forcing himself to be honest with her. He's forcing himself not to give her any sort of escape. He wants her to face this pain and to beat it. And that choice is putting him through hell.

I expected some sort of uproar over the first kiss, but the sound & fury have been relatively calm. I love the lead in you gave it - the crescendo! *dramatic music ensues* I felt as if every single reader was staring at me as I wrote it, warning me not to screw it up. I think I just had an out of body experience as I read your version. That is quite possibly the most freaking hilarious thing anyone has ever written for me. Between the breath mint and the blond locks - I find myself literally rolling around on the floor. I hope if I wrote that, the police would come after me. That it would be illegal. That someone would stop me from mucking up the entire story. ^_^

You're right about Draco - he doesn't believe it. He doesn't think there is any way in hell that Hermione could love him. He thinks that she is using him as a distraction, a coping mechanism, & that she wants to feel wanted. And he's willing to metaphorically kill himself to let her do it. He knows what it is going to cost him. And he doesn't care.

"You've written love, really."
I cannot keep myself from staring at that. Thank you for making me feel like I've done something as a writer. I cannot express my gratitude or possibly hope to repay you.

You are welcome to put that in the comment box ^_^ Did the pesky writer not allow you to see Hermione's thoughts on the matter? *gasps* I cannot believe she did that! Who does she think she is?!? :)

I too am running out of space! I completely agree with your critique - Ginny's portion of the chapter was unquestionably the weakest. As for Ron & Harry, I promise to be careful.

And I'm thrilled to pieces that you think Draco turning Harry over to the Death Eaters would be a plausible option. I really did not mean it to be an, "Oh, he doesn't mean it, of course!" ultimatum. Thank you for saying that. And I love how you've written about the readers' knowledge of Draco.

Thank you so much for your insight! xoxo

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Back again- exams are certainly time munching fiends. :) Three things:

1) I was wondering if you had ever come across this quote, written by John Milton in his masterpiece Paradise Lost:
"Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven."
I feel like your story poses this question to the reader in a very clever, interesting, and thought-provoking way to the extent that it is difficult to give a completely concrete response. To me, it's sort of reflected in the decision that Rowena (I love how this story has put me on first name terms with the founders, btw, it's rather hilarious) is facing at this point.

2) It's becoming so much more difficult to choose a favorite character! Right now it has to be Rowena, methinks, because although Salazar is a bit more intriguing and complex, to me, anyway, his slippery nature makes me very hesitant to completely trust him. At this point it looks like he is simply trying to use circumstances to his best advantage no matter how everything is resolved. Gryffindor is worrying me slightly because he seems a bit seduced by power and influence, but perhaps given what I have read in the previous chapters I am underestimating him. My least favorite character is Helga at this point, although what is wonderful about this story is that all of the characters are rich in their own rite.

3) I still love this story! :) Keep writing, please! It must be so difficult writing such a sophisticated story, but it's so wonderful! Off to read more!

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Hello Hallows!
Eep! I'm so sorry it took me a while to reply to this review. I honestly thought my spring break would give me some time to catch up on review responses and what not, but I've been so much busier than I expected. I do sincerely apologize for the delay, though. Please forgive me!

I'm really so thrilled to hear that you're still enjoying this fic. I encountered a bit of writer's block when first attempting to draft this chapter, but thank goodness it went away after a few weeks. I actually think it's quite funny that you find this story complex...I always worry that my character interactions are too straightforward, especially where Godric and Helga are concerned. ^_^

And I suppose you're right, Rowena is probably the most selfless, moral character of all the Founders. Salazar, Godric and Helga are all a bit too power-hungry for their own good, though to be honest, only Helga has the talent to pull off her ultimate goal. ;)

Again, thank you so much for the thoughtful review! You comments are truly inspiring. I always keep them in mind whenever I write a new chapter.

I hope you have a great weekend! Take care!

Best,
celticbard

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This story. *shakes head, smiles* Wow. Not many stories manage to have fascinating, intricate plots and excellent character development; usually one is sacrificed at the expense of the other. But here, this is not so!

I think that the idea of Helga looking for a mate in Godric to secure the legacy was such an incredible twist, yet, at the same time, given what I have read so far, it doesn't seem remotely OOC. It fits so well- it's like you were planning it all along! ;)

Favorite character award is currently tied between Godric (I love Godric's manner) and Salazar, who is such a fascinating character. His anger from rejection, his toxic ambition- it's all so real! Favorite line: "Power could be restrained but not owned."

I mean... how do you write sentences like that?!?! You're an incredible author, you know.

Off to Chapter Four! Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Hi Hallows!
Ah, thank you so much! You've really been a fantastic reviewer. I truly appreciate your support.

You're comments have been wonderfully supportive. As a writer, I couldn't ask for more thoughtful feedback.

I'm so glad you don't think the characters are too OOC, despite their altered roles. I know I've been distorting canon a fair bit in this fic. ;)

And I'm happy to hear that you like Godric and Salazar. So far, I think they've been the hardest to write.

Thanks again for everything, Hallows! The next chapter is in the works and should be posted soon. Take care!

Best,
celticbard

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This story is absolutely epic.

I am so interested in the character dynamics, particularly the one between Salazar and Helga. I think it's fascinating, the calculation that Salazar is now making, and I can't wait to learn more about his plotting-- what an excellent sentence with which to end a chapter, by the way!

I wish we knew exactly what Helga is planning and what Salazar is thinking; at the moment I think that we readers are seeing this scene through Godric's eyes, in a way. The way you write the story, giving enough description and dialogue to keep us from being confused while keeping enough from us to keep us helplessly fascinated-- it takes true talent as a writer.

Your characters are richly detailed and tantalizingly tangible- I can't wait to read more! Once again, 10/10, naturally.

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Hello again Hallows!
*blushes* Wow, what a lovely review! Your feedback has been amazing--so very encouraging. I really can't thank you enough. This fic had been giving me a few problems for a while, so it was just great to receive your kind comments. You've truly made me feel so much better about the plot and characterizations. ^_^

Thanks again! Take care, dear!

Best,
celticbard

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This is such an amazing opening chapter to a story- honestly, you have me hooked already. Your writing is flawless, and your characters honestly breathe. It's a fantastic work; there aren't words to describe your abilities as a writer.

I am so eager to know where this story is going! In some ways, you have subtly integrated traditional character traits of the four founders into the writing, but in other ways you have lain waste to assumption, which is even more fascinating to read. The sweet Helga Hufflepuff is a conqueror, chopping down forests, and Godric Gryffindor is a man of calm energies who will sacrifice himself to avoid war.

Honestly- best story I've read in AGES. 10/10 and an enthusiastic add to favorites! :) Keep writing! Please!

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Hi Hallows!
Oh my goodness. I don't know what to say, truthfully. You've left me speechless. Thank you so very much! It was wonderful hearing from you. I'm so thrilled to hear that you're enjoying this fic. I did have my doubts about it, especially since it's such a radical AU. ;)

I really feel flattered by your feedback. You're too kind!

I hope you have a fantastic weekend. And thanks again! ^_^

Best,
celticbard

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This was beautiful- truly, there aren't words epic enough to describe it. :) I absolutely love what you have done with this piece, not only through syntax but through the repetition and the parenthesis scheme that artistically weaves the story together.

Your ability to truly sculpt words together into these unbelievable paragraphs is so awe-inspiring.

Favorite lines:

He follows her. Of course he follows her.
There aren't words for how much I love these two sentences- you're an artist, truly.

(Inhale. Exhale. See, it's that easy, you moron).
Forgot to mention- what I also loved about this piece was that it did have a taste of humor that was truly wonderful to read.

Just beyond their reach, April rain drums against the earth in a perpetual staccato, flushing the world anew.
And of course, your descriptions are incredible.

10/10 and a definite add to favorites! Keep writing, and thanks so much for the pleasure.
Cheers- Hallows

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Oi! Jill! I should not have to find out that you have a new songfic by stalking your author's page! *glares* (:

I rather enjoyed this one-shot; I'm not usually a Sirius/Lily shipper either, but I think in this writing it feels natural. Sirius' internal monologue- I mean, wow!- and his thoughts and feelings are so real that the writing is brilliant. :)

It's the tiny little details that you choose to include that make it a really wonderful one shot, and I feel that by the end I can understand Sirius. My favorite line by far was:
"A call echoed behind him, but the voice wasn't hers, so he didn't look back."

That encompasses so much emotion and tells the reader such a history of thought simply through a few words- congratulations. :) You should be proud ^ 293232 for such an epic line. *hug tackles*

Yay! So a totally useless review I suppose, but it was amazing and I wanted you to know. :)

Cheers-

Author's Response: Oi! Laura! I haven't talked to you on chat since this got posted, so I couldn't tell you! :P But I'm glad to know you stalk my author page, rofl :P

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I love this song and after some consultation changed the ship from James/Lily to Sirius, which I'm quite pleased with. I feel like the tiny details I include are important, and it seems to me that a lot of authors skip that, believing that we just know what they're seeing.

And I guess emotional detail is my thing :P

Definitely not a useless review! You made my day!! I'm so so so glad you enjoyed this! :D Thanks so much!

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Hey Rilla- nice one-shot. Thanks for the kind dedication: you're too kind!

I think that, in less than a thousand words, you have managed to bottle lots of powerful emotions into your work. :) Always great stuff, that. I love the idea of a Young Voldy/OC and would encourage you to actually make this one-shot grow into something *cough novella cough* longer... *innocent glare* Just something to consider. It's a really nice bit of writing because the desperation, the longing, and the regret are all quite real to the reader.

My advice is to comb through the grammar a bit more carefully because, sometimes, it can become a bit distracting and subtract from the power of the work... Do you have a beta for this one-shot? If you would like me to fix the grammar and send it straight back for you to re-post, I would be more than happy to oblige.

Let me know. Nice job once again, and I'm looking forward to your updates in Mission Malfoy. ^_^

Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Awww! Your so wonderful- Thanks so much for posting a review. I'm so happy that you liked this One-Shot, It's my fave peice of writng so far.

I'm also very happy that you liked this as a Young Voldy/OC. I might consider expanding this to a Novella *HINT* And sure you can edit; though I had my beta editer edit it.

Also I think Mission Malfoy is going to be taking a while so I might as well start my New Novella * Cough* *Cough*

Thanks so so Much,
Rilla

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This one shot is incredible. Honestly, it is. The sentiments that you are able to convey simply though careful word choice, the undercurrent of emotions in your dialogue- it's wonderful. Gah! This one-shot is a novella that should be written. Honestly, it needs to be written. :) You should write it *puppy dog eyes*! I want to know more about their relationship, how it developed, how it's going to change.

I think that what is important is that Daphne is a living, breathing character, not merely a role. I think I have read quite a few stories where Hermione tries to "be a Daphne" (as you write Daphne) to Draco, and it doesn't quite work.

Thanks for posting! It was a pleasure to read. Cheers-
Hallows

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:) So, I was a bit dubious of this story, but the prologue definitely makes me want to read more. In such a short space of time, you managed to completely impress me with Hermione's tone. The introduction "Reasons why Not to Make the List" was so blatently Hermione-ish, and Ron's charming "I just think it's pointless" remark was shockingly realistic and very clever on your part as a writer.

Nice job! I'm off to read more!
Cheers- Hallows

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:) You updated! Day made.

I was praying that you hadn't abandoned it. I joined HPFF around September, and when I found your story you were already though Chapter Fourteen(?)! I love this story, honestly- it's definitely one of the best on HPFF. Anyway-

What a wonderful chapter! I honestly loved every second of it.
I was absolutely floored when Oliver said those things to Andy, how he honestly cares more about her than winning a Quidditch match. I think that's what's amazing about this chapter, that Oliver and Andy sort of compliment eachother while having the enormous potential to learn from eachother, too.

Can't wait for more! 10/10 goes completely without saying. ;) Cheers-
Hallows

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What an incredible piece of writing! Honest- this is one of the best one-shots I've read, and the fact that it's only 500 words is simply... amazing.

The subtlety of the poetry interchanging with prose is absolutely phenomenal! In my opinion the foremost example is when the first paragraph, sounding so much like a calm & beautiful poetry, shifts to the next line: "But none of it is beautiful." I mean... wow. I was utterly floored.

And of course, needless to say, its an absolutely beautiful moment. :) 10/10! :) Super awesome job. Cheers- Hallows

Author's Response: I'm so very sorry that it's taken me months to respond. I've been so very busy, -- college + no internet = badbadbad.

I want to thank you so much for reading and receiving so well this piece. I had a lot of fun writing it, I recall, and was so enthused to post it.

I feel very complimented that you see my prose as having such soft, more poetic feel; from what I understand, many authors have a hard time pulling it off.

Ah, and yes, that line. I had put so much thought into that line, and I'm so glad I did: it paid off so well!

I guess when you put so much feeling into your writing, so much passion, your readers can actually grasp it, as though it were a tangible thing.

Thanks a millionfold for reading and commenting.
-Axjion

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Interesting set up- bits and pieces are extremely clever writing! I love that Hermione is absolutely racing to get to an auror meeting only to find that her watch was off by an hour. Priceless. ;)

My advice for you is to be a bit more subtle in your explanations for what you are describing. :) How milquetoast of advice is that! I will try to explain-

For instance, you provide reasoning and rationale for why Hermione has become an auror after leaving Hogwarts, which was a wise move on your part. :) As she has left Hogwarts, the reader is naturally not going to know which profession she has perused until you, the author, tell us. However, instead of telling us directly why she has become an auror, you could have her body language and dialogue also convey a corresponding message. Perhaps while she is walking in the auror office she clenches her fists at the 'Death Eaters Still At Large' postings, or something similar.

:) It's a clever concept for a story! Well done.
Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: All I can say is WOW!

Your review made me sit and think! It means a lot to me. (Not that other reviews don't mind you) Thank you for the constuctive critisim.

I love the way how you explained your answer so that I could grasp the message clearly. I shall use your advice while writing future chapters for this fic.

I'm very pleased that you like this story, I was afriad that not many people would like it.

To tell the truth, I don't know how or where this story will lead, but I write it as I go along-it does have a plot- but the way I wrote the words in my mind is different, from the way I wrote on paper. It's a bit confusing at times but I'm getting there.

Unfortunatly my Laptop's dead so I can only update every two weeks on my dad's computer,(sucks)!

But hopefully my dad can get it fixed soon. *Keep your fingers crossed Please*

Rilla :D


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What an interesting one-shot! Sirius has always been one of my favorite characters, both inside and outside the world of Harry Potter. The dimensionality of his character, through his love for Harry and his internal grief and regret that has coiled inside him, is so complex, and for that reason tricky to write at times, no? :)

The way that you wrote Sirius' thoughts, the firm conviction that he would bring Peter to justice, one day, was great. Also,the heartbreaking love that Sirius has for Harry before he is severed from him for thirteen years was also superbly written. The line, I think it was "I will never leave you." or something along those lines? Awww-- great writing there, Charly. :)

My only advice is that I think the story has the potential to grow further if you were to write a bit about what Sirius is hearing/seeing/experiencing as he writes this letter. I wonder if I'm making sense when I say this.

For instance, perhaps you could have Sirius sitting down to write this letter to himself and then have him hear something, stand up (or transform into a dog), etc etc and then have him return to writing. This wouldn't have to change your first person use, I don't think, an example being:

"At that moment, he _[insert this type of description]_. Returning to his low crouch on the floor, he began to write once more."

And then returning to the first person letter. I think it could potentially liven the writing a bit. :D

Oh! and great last line! :) Absolutely loved it. Fabulous job!
Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for such a wonderful, helpful review.

Previous to this I had no experiance writing Sirus, and to be truthful I dont think I pulled it off 100% so your praise really means the world to me.

Of course you are right, he is a very complex character that has been so torn apart by the events of his life that it's hard to write him and do him the justice he deserves.

Your advice is invaluable and of course I will follow it up. I do think it would make the story better and like you say 'liven the writing a bit.'

Thank you once again, for taking the time to leave a review and of course the advice, take care, Charly :D x

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:) Someone. Forgot. To. Tell. Me. They. Had. A. New. Story. JILL! :D A missing moment one-shot that is totally brilliant! Congrats. It takes a true Harry Potter fan to delve into mostly ignored characters and to portray their thoughts and feelings as well as you have.
I love the tone of the entire story. Sentences like: However, he did not possess an overly analytical mind and he simply could not think of any plausible explanation which would make Harry's success anything less astonishing. : are just amazing, in my opinion. We very much get a feel for Diggle's person, and it's great.
I love the dynamic between Diggle and Gladys: that 'twas quite amusing too. :D
Thanks for posting, Jill, 'twas epic!
HallowsorHorcruxes

Author's Response: ahhh! I didn't tell you?! So sorry! I was so excited about it, then I just forgot after I posted it, I guess.

But I'm so glad you like it! I had a fantastic time writing it and really enjoyed using a character that we didn't know too much about - or two for that matter :P

It's amazing what a little research and a tiny plot bunny will do. Thanks so much for your review! *hugs*

P.S. I look forward to your next chapter, which is hopefully coming soon! :P :D

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Best. Chapter. Ever.
:) Awesome job Sarah!

Well, the description is insanely awesome- I hadn't realized that you were that talented of a writer, but you are. I can see why this took ages and ages to write.
The bond between Draco and Hermione is solidly written through the chapter, and I can understand Draco's actions throughout the piece. Every move, every action is with Hermione in mind and meant to protect her. The smallest details in the writing, like when he refused to go outside the Burrow's walls with Harry, create it.

I think it must have been rather difficult for Draco to make the decision to leave Hermione petrified under the cloak with just a few instructions... Obviously he didn't have a choice. When the spell was going to "wear off" possibly, I'm assuming that would have only been the case had Draco died trying to find Harry. If Draco had died... that would have been very, very bad for Hermione. I'm guessing she would have died shortly after.

Also, I did almost cry when I was reading Ron- I feel so heart-wrenchingly sorry for Ron. Thank you for not making Ron abusive. It's done in too many Dramionies and it makes me sick.
So thanks. It really isn't fair though, that Ron isn't capable of being a Draco for Hermione when he's been with her all through everything, been in love with her all through everything. Tis very sad.

As I want to be a wee-bit constructive, I shall say this.

I liked the last half of the chapter better than the first. The opening dialogue between Draco and Hermione is a bit confusing, probably because of Hermione's character evolution in those moments and what is happening inside her own head. I think that Draco's seeming coldness and distance from her is perfectly plausible, but I would have liked a bit more description in-between the lines of dialogue. Maybe its supposed to be a quick back and forth, but I just can't imagine this process happening as quickly as its written.

Other things that caught my eye but probably aren't worth mentioning:

When Draco walks with Harry away from the chamber with Hermione inside, he locks the door, to which as a reader I react a bit skeptically. That's IT? Really? After everything that just happened, all you are going to do is lock a door?

Draco's losing his grip too, just in a different way than Hermione, because it's breaking him to see her break and to partly cause her to break so that she will be safe.

Another thing that I found odd was Harry's sarcastic "I don't love you, is that enough of a reason?" (or whatever the line was) to Ginny. I understand that he was saying that to keep her safe, to deprive her of a reason to be able to come along with Ron and Harry, but I have a few qualms. The first is that I don't think that Harry is capable of being so Draco-ish in execution. I don't think he's capable of saying that he doesn't love Ginny. Second off, I don't think Ginny would simply back down (if she does back down- we don't really know yet as readers if she does) against Harry's "I don't love you," because even despite that she still has plenty of right to go. After all, Ron is her brother.

This is the longest review I've ever written.

So, I think that's all. :) Lovely chapter. Can't wait for 15- bahahahahhahahaha.
Cheers-

Author's Response: I'm overwhelmed by your kindness. The updating time was atrocious. I'm very fortunate to have readers as forgiving and understanding as you. The bond between Draco and Hermione is pivotal; I'm relieved it came across well. Draco's actions are the most enigmatic and your understanding of them is wonderful: each action is with Hermione in mind. She's everything to him. I love your attention to detail. I am ecstatic that you find the details throughout the story.

Draco's decision to leave Hermione was difficult for him to make, but as you say, he didn't have another option. He didn't have a cloak on him at the time, however, and leaving her in the open created an impossible choice. And you're right - if the spell had broken, it would have meant that Draco was dead. And as you say, if that had been the case, Hermione would have died, in all probability.

I'm touched that you felt for Ron. My fear was that Ron was not portrayed as the lifelong friend he is to Hermione. I did not want him to be an abusive, screechy, irritating, shallow, two-dimensional figure. It's very sad that he cannot be Draco to Hermione, even after everything they have been through. He loves her so much. It really is heartbreaking.

I completely agree with you: the writing improves once they reach the Burrow. The first scenes were very difficult to write; I wanted the environment to be jarring and real, yet not carelessly lacking detail. Hermione's mind was tumultuous at the time and I'm glad Draco's coldness is plausible; still, more description between the dialogue would have been a good idea. :)

Draco's locks the door to keep Hermione inside, not intruders outside. The idea is that if she breaks the spell, he would be able to hear that from downstairs, rather than being blind to her creeping out and listening to the conversation downstairs, as Ginny does. In another way, it is a last ditch attempt at keeping others out. Not really logical, as you say, but he isn't capable of doing anything more. I don't think the true reason comes across as well as it could have - so that is definitely something to edit and make clearer. :)

Your criticism of the Harry/Ginny scene is valid. His motive is keeping Ginny at the Burrow. I do think he is capable of steeling himself to be cold in execution. He's driven to it by Ginny's advances. But I agree - Ginny probably wouldn't back down. She cannot process what he's saying: she wouldn't surrender. She has a right to go, through Ron if nothing else. :) Here's the defense, ready? Get excited. In the books, Ginny makes Harry act OOC. And Ginny is never fully characterized anyway. *whiny voice* I'm trying to be true to the books, Laura. :) Thank you for pointing that out - thank you, thank you for the constructive criticism! I really appreciate it :) .

Thank you for such an amazing, thorough, honest review! You're wonderful - I cannot express my gratitude adequately. :) Have an amazing New Year! x

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:) I LOVED THIS STORY! I couldn't resist reading it when it has such an awesome title.
The Draco persona that you created is refreshingly hysterical. The one-shot's written in a flawless first person, and Draco's perspective on Hermione's depression is so intriguing.
I'm so glad that you kept classic-Hermione alive in this story, too. In too many Dramionies Hermione changes for Draco.
:D I like when both characters are uncompromisingly themselves.
Keep writing- you're mind-bogglingly talented! Adding to favorites!
Cheers-

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:) What a lovely story! Although it was so sad *sobs*

I'm a twin myself, and I thought your description of Fred and George being always together and being defined as apart of eachother was most interesting. Hm. I think you captured their dynamic incredibly well in such a short space: congrats!

I liked the dialogue between Fred and George: it was perfect. I think George is strong enough to go on and keep living too: I don't think he would give up on life.

Awesome story! Wonderful description. Thanks for posting.
Cheers- Hallows

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

This story was really difficult for me to write for a while because all I could think about what Fred being dead. And it was incredibly depressing.

I know not all twins (probably not most) are as close as Fred and George were but they really had a unique relationship.

Thanks again!

-Dem-

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:) It was brilliant.

I like your OC, Amalia. She's very much two-sided, and it's awesome that you managed to develop her character in such a short amount of time. I sympathize with her a bit, actually, and her weariness yet vulnerability together is so interesting.

I was a bit worried starting off the story, to be honest, because it seemed that Roger was not as complex as Amalia. I was secretly rooting for Amalia to completely ignore him. As I kept reading, through, his conversation with Amalia showed that he's hiding behind a mask also. It just so happens that his mask is the very opposite of Amalia's.

10/10! Thanks for posting, cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: I'm actually really really happy with how Amalia turned out, and I'm so so sooo glad that you appreciate her as much as I do. I hope I did her character justice :] And yes! You understood the whole mask/no mask secret comparison. They compliment each other, because they are hiding from the opposite things in societ ;] It makes me smile to know you liked it so much! thanks for the rating and wonderful review!

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I loved the story! Oliver's thoughts are nicely coherent and very much in "Oliver voice". Loved the humor, loved everything about it really. :) Fantastic job! Adding to favorites, 10/10!
Cheers-
Hallows

Author's Response: Yay! Glad to hear that ^_^

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