i didn't really mind the switch into first person but you might want to consider editing it into third person because some people might not like that.
ah, you included the head dorms with a separate common room and bathroom. although it's really cliche i forgive you because it does make the story more interesting. the password business is funny and i can see that the relationship between lily and james is progressing a bit more.
-nia.Author's Response: Yeah, I'm going to have a talk with my beta about it when I get in touch with her next. I might have to change it to third person just so it stays consistant.
Yes. I know. I'm a little bit appalled with myself about how cliche I was in the first couple of chapters.. unfortunately I didn't have the knowledge of cliche... that came afterwards. I'm trying to rectify it as much as I can now with these future chapters. Hopefully if you do read on, you will like it.
And good! I'm glad you can see it progressing a little. I was worried it wasn't at all.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
haha. snape is one of sirius' court men. i can't wait to see how that plays out. x] plus peter's in the play! thank you for not leaving him in the kitchens or something for the entire story. it's quite refreshing to actually see his name in a marauder story. x]
i think sirius got quite lucky in this chapter, the two girls that hate him play his lover and his soon to be ex-wife (and did i mention snape yet?). xD
i'm starting to like katie more with her little exclamations in spanish and "Love is for old ladies...and hippies" line. when the next chapter comes out i'll be sure to read and review that as well because this story's starting to pick up speed. :]
-nia.Author's Response: Haha I just had to do it, I couldn't resist putting Snape in also because it gives me a chance to write a bit of S/L/J which I've never done and I'd like to try :) And yes, Peter's there he's not disappeared!
Katie's just going to keep surprising everyone I'm sure of it. She is probably my favourite character because in every chapter I can give away a little more of her personality without giving away everything straight away like I did with Lily.
Thanks for the lovely reviews! I'll let you know when the next chapter is up, I've posted it two days before the queue closed so it should be up by the end of the week hopefully :)
x Report Review
okay i love love love the bit in italics with henry and anne. it was really well written and yeah. i love the tudors like i mentioned in my last review.
it's funny how alesha and sirius have to pretend they're in love so early on in the story. it's bound to create some drama. plus dumbledore is rooting for them. :] the dynamics between lily and james are amusing and you're good at making it clear that while lily isn't exactly head over heels for james at this point, she isn't going to scream at him 24/7.
plus, there was the kiss. sure, it was part of the play but there sure were some sparks flying there...
-nia.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Some people found the italics bit confusing so I wasn't so sure of it but I'm happy it didn't confuse you!
I know it does create tension doesn't it? I love to write hate/hate relationships because there's so much I can explore about the whole concept, I love it :D
Thanks for the lovely review!
x Report Review
first off, your james has glasses. thank you for including that in your description of him! most people forget where harry gets his bad eyesight...anyway, for the most part, this is a solid chapter. you introduce lily and the marauders and let them interact with each other a bit. some parts of the story, however, are kind of choppy to read especially the beginning part and sirius' little monologue about his family. both sections are phrased kind of awkwardly so maybe if you used different words and try reading it out loud it'll read a little more smooth.
i'll try to review all 10 chapters but the reviews won't be very long i'm afraid. anyway, off to the next chapter!
-nia.Author's Response: I HATE it when they leave James without glasses. It's a definite pet peeve of mine as well. It's a shame I couldn't find my perfect idea of James photo-wise. I imagine he look like the guy in my signature on hpff forums but with glasses. I did find one of that guy with glasses but it was too small :(
Mmm. I agree. I just got a new beta, and it's currently in the queue .. so hopefully it will be a little better then.
I don't mind at all. I'm just glad you're reviewing.
thanks sooo much! :) Report Review
i have a confession to make. i might have this big obsession with henry vii and all six of his wives and his three kids and his sisters and their families. um. so basically the whole tudor period. x] so i really love the idea that the play's going to be about anne and henry.
and the alesha mystery deepens. does it have to do with her apparently stealing marianne smith's boyfriend, mark? i have to admit i'm a sucker for hate/hate relationships that end up with the two characters snogging each other senseless so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that's what alesha and sirius end up like!
also, why doesn't katie like remus? did she want to hook up with him once and he refused? or does she know that he's a werewolf? hm. this chapter brings the characters into a much more interesting place, but i'm still a bit uneasy about the whole 'lily&two friends + james&sirius&remus = true love' cliche. hopefully, it'll fade a bit once the story gets going.
-nia.Author's Response: Haha same here. I share the same obsession. You should see my family's faces when they see me come out with all these Tudor facts out of absolutely no where... priceless xD
Hhmm, insteresting thoughts. Alesha's behavious might have to do with it but I think that's more of a consequence of something else that happened to her.
Same for Katie. She has her reasons which might have to do with his condition... but I won't say anything else. I'm really trying to stay out of that cliche' even if it seems like I'm not but trust me I am :)
Thanks for the review!
x Report Review
this is a nice character sketch chapter and it's fitting for a prologue, but i just have to warn you against making this a fic where lily and her two perfect best friends get james, remus, and sirius with peter nowhere to be found. besides that you do a good job of laying out the characters and hinting at a few things in the second paragraph about alesha. for some reason i really liked the last line. i dunno, it just made me smile. :]
-nia.Author's Response: I know, lots of authors tend to do that but I promised myself I wouldn't do the whole marauders - gets - one -of - lily's- friends - thing for all of them infact I had othr plans for most of them. And I plan to make Peter one of the main characters, because he is lol :)
Thanks for the review!
x Report Review
once again, louis is absolutely adorable (he wouldn't take offense at that, would he? xD), dom is a genius, and annah is slick. i actually like harry in this chapter which is weird because i almost never like harry in fics but i think that i could get used to it. there's more political stuff in this chapter which i like and i love that fact that louis never just says 'aurors' he has to say 'auror types' with the occasional 'scary' in front of it.
ah, the spy is revealed! haha. i quite like the idea of dean's kid being named thomas thomas. it's funny! (and plausible too, i know a girl named tracy tracy.) i kind of want to see more sam especially since she's a journalist and i loved the drunken sam/dom at the end of the chapter. what could they have been refering to? i've got a couple of guesses, but i think that i'll wait to find out whether or not i'm right.
(and the minister getting high off of dirigible? priceless.)
overall you have a great start to this story! i can't wait for the third chapter to arrive after the queue reopens!
-nia.Author's Response: Nu, he definitely wouldn't! He's nice like that :P Dom is an absolute hardcore, super talented - Annah is the real brains behind the operation though haha.
I know exactly what you mean about Harry. In a lot of ways I tried to write him as an OC, not really focussing on him too much.
But of course he does, it sounds much more fun that way! :P
Bahaha Thomas Thomas. Poor guy. Do you really? That's so horrible!
Sam comes out more slowly than the others, but I haven't forgotten about her don't worry! Oh you will have to wait and see, can't go giving away mine secrets - Ch.3 is written so it'll be up pretty quickly. I hope so anyway!
Thank you so much for reviewing, hope to see you around come third chapter time! Report Review
look! there's actually a really funny humor story with awesome characters and...(*drumroll*)...a PLOT!
the fact that you chose louis to be the narrator is quite refreshing as most first person narrators on HPFF are girls and aren't particularly well written or interesting to read. also louis is just such a boy. i love him. seriously. i just want to kidnap him and hide him in my remus/james/sirius/oliver closet. xD perhaps i'll have to add louis at the end of that...anyway, getting back to the story, louis' relationship with his sisters is priceless. you can tell by the way that they interact with each other that they really are related (you wouldn't believe how many fic i've read where the siblings seem so unnatural around each other).
and the OC's! annah is wonderful. i do believe that she's got quite the ardent admirer in louis. i hope that they get together by the end, but you never know. i look forward to reading more about louis&annah and louis&sam.
okay, one last thing. the last part with kate and louis is awesome. i think that the next-gen kids would be involved in politics after graduating because of their parents and whatnot, so i'm glad that you have louis in on the juicy stuff. :]
next chapter, here i come!
-nia.Author's Response: Hahaha I am about as guilty as they come about writing plotless stories. This is me attempting to plot something out, at least a little :P
Haha I don't know about how good they are, but I guess we just write what we know. I'm a boy, so I've got at least a bit of insight XD
Quite an exclusive closet I note, he'd be in good company there! Definitely belongs.
Family is so hard to write, I kind of just let it do its own thing and hoped it worked - so very glad that it did!
Ohh yes, poor Louis - so out of his league/depth. Will have to see what happens with that. There's no Louis/Sam though, they're just friends haha.
Hmm yeah, I definitely think that some of them would at the very least. I'm using mostly lesser known characters for this, just because they're lesser known really ^^
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
haha. this probably has to be one of the only romine fics that i've read and enjoyed thoroughly. the tone of the story kind of reminded me of sin city especially the parts where clive owen is narrating (i'm having a temporary brain fart and can't remember his character's name...hmph). at the beginning i was thinking, wow this is AU but surprisingly enjoyable and by the end i was laughing when i realized what had just happened.
i can't say i've previously had any daydreams of ron weasley: auror extraordinaire, but i'm probably going to have one soon cause of this fic. ^_^
-nia.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great review!
Yeah, I guess it does sound a little bit like Sin City! Great movie, by the way.
Glad you enjoyed this. I'm just a bit too obsessed with Ron, but I'm happy it paid off. :-) Report Review
mr. artie and mr. bartie?
i wish i knew people i could call by those names.
on an immature note, when i saw their names i immediately thought that they should have a brother named mr. fartie. yeah i'm mature. i'm the paragon of maturity. on yet another note that's hopefully less immature than the previous one, i already am in love with your penny. she seems really alive and feisty and quite different from some of the few other penny's that i've read. for some reason i've always pictured penny as an uptight washed-out blonde so your choice of katie mcgrath as her face is quite a breath of fresh air.
and what about this flopsy? i once had a stuffed animal by the name of flopsy so i think i already like her. plus her face is carey mulligan. i love carey mulligan! and since i'm starting to ramble i'll stop here with a "please update soon!"
-nia.Author's Response: I wish I did too :) They sound like two Keebler elves actually...which is somehow a description of what they are! Mr. Fartie would of course be their delinquent cousin with digestive problems, jk!
Glad to see you were amused! That means I'm already half way there :) Like I mentioned in another response, I consider Penny to be my stronger, more vocal, less tactful alterego and to have you like her as a character is amazing to hear! Katie McGrath is amazing and as soon as I started imagining Penny (described in the books as having long, curly black hair), my mind immediately went to her :)
Hahaha, you'll get to meet Flopsy in the next chapters. As to why she's called Flopsy, well, I'll spill the beans sooner or later :)
Thanks for dropping by Nia! I hope we get to see each other again in the next chapter! Great to hear your feedback! Report Review
OH MY GOD. THERE'S A CHARACTER WITH THE SAME NAME AS ME. THAT IS SO COOL. even if she is a bit of a gum-snapping flirt. but she's cute. and she undresses people with her eyes.
hey! maybe i can do that! xD
-nia.Author's Response: You're basically famous now! And awesome. So is Nia. Go ahead and start undressing with your eyes :) Thanks! Report Review
first of all kudos for using karen gillan on your banner. she looks like she would fit in right with the rest of the weasley's.
also, the fact that you have rose going off to study in china after hogwarts is a nice touch. it shows that not all wizards go off to work for the ministry after hogwarts and that some choose to travel abroad. the voice of this chapter is wonderful and i love the way that rose and scorpius are characterized. the flashbacks are tastefully done with none of the extreme '*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*' in between the flashbacks and present narrative. the italics and indentation makes it much easier to separate it and acknowledge the particular section as a flashback. the fact that rose asks him to wait for her instead of just saying 'no' makes their exchange much more interesting. i can already tell that i'll be obsessively looking for updates on this story.
needless to say i think you've done a great job so far and it's off to the next chapter for me!
-nia.Author's Response: Yes, she makes a great Rose. :D Just the right age, and she had the right look about her too - very Weasleyish. It was also nice to find someone who hadn't yet been used for Rose (or any other red-headed female). :)
Originally, I'd had Rose go to France, but that seemed too close to home - the travel distance wasn't long enough. I wanted Rose out of England for a long period of time in a place where she wouldn't hear from people for a while. It seemed that the far East would be the right place - long-distance wizard travel seems difficult (flying on a broomstick for hours can't be easy). It's wonderful that the logistics made for a more interesting job for Rose. I'm rather fascinated by the idea of magic in Egypt and the East; magic there would be different from Anglo-European magic, so it would be interesting to explore. :D
It's good to know that the flashbacks worked out. They're iffy to include in a story, yet they were necessary to provide background here - I worried that they would make things confusing or too choppy.
Thank you very much for this review! You packed a lot of comments into it, and I really appreciate it. ^_^ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection