Reading Reviews From Member: SunshineDaisies
241 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SunshineDaisiesIn Eternity: In Eternity

4th September 2015:

I really liked the style of this. It had a very ethereal feeling that worked really well for it. It was dark and poetic, and while there wasn't a lot of imagery, it still very much conjured images in my head. It felt very swirly to me, and while I'm not sure that actually makes sense, I think it really suited the themes and content. One very small CC in this area, the term "old lady" doesn't really go with the flow of the rest of the piece. It sort of jarred me.

The characterization is a bit more difficult for me to comment on, because it wasn't immediately evident to me. After a bit of thought, it became a lot clearer, and I think your characterization is spot on. For example, I wouldn't have thought of Dumbledore as a young man just waiting to die, but after a bit of thought, it makes perfect sense. When he met Grindelwald, he was stuck in Godric's Hallow with his family when he wanted to be doing so much more. Of course he seemed as if he was waiting to die. Or maybe just waiting for his life to start?

You're making me think with these themes of yours.

Anyway, if you wanted to make that part clearer, you could just add a bit of context, but I think that making people think is a really great achievement in writing. I feel smarter for reading this, actually.)

I think your characterization of Grindelwald is on point as well, and I loved the way you described their relationship. I think you painted a really gorgeous picture of the relationship between two incredibly powerful men, and you highlighted how relationships like that can be brilliant or destructive. And quite often it's both.

Overall I think this is a really brilliant story! I haven't read anything by Rushdie, but I am definitely going to check him out :)

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Review #2, by SunshineDaisiesHunter's Moon: Hunter's Moon

3rd September 2015:
Hello! Sorry it took me a while to get here! I got a little busy trying to be a grown up.

Anyway, this was such a treat for me! My absolute favorite kind of story, and you've crafted it brilliantly. I loved this so, so much. It was beautiful and honest and kind of heartbreaking but also uplifting and it included literally everything I care about in jily fic and so basically it's like perfect. And this review is probably going to suck because it's still the morning and I'm tired and very excited about this.

Characterization: Fab. You definitely nailed James, he is absolutely perfect. I loved his humor and frustration, and literally everything about him MAN THIS IS NOT A HELPFUL REVIEW. The other marauders are on point as well. I also really liked Lily's characterization, though I wish we had gotten to see a bit more of her softer side.

As for their relationship, I think you did a really great job! I normally prefer to see James and Lily a bit friendlier after fifth year, but that's just a personal preference. The way you've explored the relationship here worked really well for the story and the characters. (This is going to sound super ridiculous, but usually when I read things that approach their relationship like this I find myself thinking NO THIS IS WRONG NO. but I did not have that with this story because you formed the relationship so well!)

Also, bonus points for pointing out the muggleborn/pureblood aspect of their relationship. That's my favorite part about them!

Dialogue: It was perfect. It was totally natural sounding and hilarious.

Flow: I really liked the hard cuts between scenes! It worked super well for getting a few days of action into a relatively short story.

Okay and the last bit, starting right around the section about counting ABSOLUTELY FLOORED ME. Right until the end it's just like, perfection. It was beautiful and in character and just a perfect summary of that moment. Easily one of my favorite sections I've ever read. Ever.

Okay I'm sorry for this extremely unhelpful review but THIS IS FANTASTIC THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING IT

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for the review and sorry for the late response! I too was off adulting :(

Thank you so so much for the sweet things you said! I'm relieved to hear you liked James. My James is kind of an overconfident, but bumbling weirdo.

That's an interesting preference you have there for James/Lily--I hadn't really given it much thought. I guess it's so ingrained in fanon that Lily hated him until seventh year (you know...until they start spontaenously snogging ;) ). I also thought Remus said that James and Lily were only friendly after James deflated his head and ego a bit, which I thought happened in seventh year, but I could have my timelines mixed up. Nevertheless, that's actually really very interesting and thanks for mentioning it! I'm now imagining other Jily possibilities...namely shenanigans in sixth year with them as friends or perhaps frenemies. :) It's always cool to reinterpret your own headcanon.

The hard cuts between scenes is how I write all things ever, so thank you :) I'm too impatient to transition properly, I suppose.

YAY, thank you!! I was worried that part felt too random (I was apprehensive that readers would prefer the spontaneous snogging or more romancing or something), but in my head, it's always been about his friends for James. He's so fiercely loyal. And I wanted to end on that note, and bring back some realism with the war and stuff.

Thank you thank you for reading

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Review #3, by SunshineDaisiesHealer Vance : Emmeline Vance

31st August 2015:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

This is a really interesting start to a story, and it takes an approach to Emmeline that I don't think I've seen before. You've definitely piqued interest!

As far as characterization, I think you've done a lovely job. I definitely have a good feel for Emmeline at this point, which is always a good sign. She also feels very tangible, so I'm excited to see how you develop her further. I also commend you on her character in general! You don't see very many characters her age in fic, especially not main characters. I love that she's got that maturity about her, and that in general, she's more serious than most characters. She definitely stands out, and it makes for a much more interesting story.

Plot-wise, I think it's a little bit choppy. The paragraph describing her hesitance in joining the Order followed by the explanation of her husband's murder, followed by a flashback made things a little hard to follow. It took me a while to figure out that she was 56 during the flashback scene, and older in the "present."

I actually think you could integrate that information into the flashback scene. Instead of having her explicitly state that she was against joining the order, you could show her turning Dumbledore down when approached her. During that conversation you could probably also include her husband's murder, and how it affected her.

I also think that adding more scenes showing how she finally did join Dumbledore would at a lot!

I'm excited to see where you go with this!

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Review #4, by SunshineDaisiesKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Apparating

27th August 2015:

Okay so honestly this story is so brilliant in so many ways, I'm not at all surprised that you're getting such lovely reviews! That said I totally know how you feel about wanting to know how to improve your story and getting only positive feedback on it. The feedback is SO NICE, but not so helpful if you're trying to hone your writing and create something you're really really proud of. So I'll just be super specific about all the good stuff and see if I can find anything that can be improved :)

As far as canon goes, you're pretty spot on as far as I can tell. I mean there's the age thing but you've already pointed that out and also, who cares? Other than that, you've got pretty free reign, and I really like what you've made of it so far. I really like the way you've structured the new form of Government. It definitely makes sense that society would definitely want to restructure the government after Voldemort's reign, because it was WAY too easy for him to swoop in and change all the laws. WHERE ARE THE CHECKS AND BALANCES JKR??? THIS IS NOT AN EFFICIENT GOVERNMENT SYSTEM. And really, from what we know, it's a stupid system. You can hold elections whenever you want, but they have to take place at least every seven years. That is the one rule? And the minister then appoints the Wizengamot who are the judicial body and also the legislative body? That is stupid.

So I really like how you've incorporated the new Magical Assembly and have elected officials in place. That is a vast improvement and I think the change definitely makes sense given the time and the people coming of age and working for the ministry at the time.

Getting into the slightly more technical aspects of writing, you're still pretty solid. You do a really excellent job of showing rather than telling. I love that you use so much action, it makes it so easy and interesting to read! And the detail! I love detail. It is so useful. That said, you use more direct exposition in really effective ways as well. It would be super confusing to try and show a government structure, so having Lorcan explain stuff like that works wonderfully.

Now I'm going to go on a little bit of a tangent. This isn't exactly concrit, because I don't think you have a problem with this, but I do think my little tangent might be useful for your writing in the future. Also I tell everyone this.

Okay, so I really like it when authors rely on details to help tell the story, rather than just having characters talk about it. So in this case, I'm expecting to see a conversation about Branson's platform. I think you can introduce the concepts through Lorcan's speechwriting. So you can have him working on a speech called "Rights for Magical Beings" before someone walks in and distract him. Likewise, if he's doing research for a speech (idk if that's a thing but I figure someone in that office is doing research), give the books/resources they're using titles that allude to the topics they're being used for. I think that by doing that, the reader will be much less lost during the platform discussion.

(It's a super easy way to help set the political climate too. What are the headlines in The Prophet?)

I use the same technique for characterization as well. I think to think through what each action says about my character before I go through with it. You're already doing a good job of this, but being conscious of it tends to give me more control over the characterization.

(I'm sorry, I just really like detail.)

Now for a little bit of concrit (and I had to think REALLY hard about the things that could be improved btw, so keep in mind that these are just suggestions)

I would like to see a little more characterization as the story progresses. We've got a good foundation for Lorcan right now, but he doesn't seem to be jumping off the page to me. I think consciously adding of it to your writing will help him really come to life. I feel the same way about the rest of your characters as well (except for Branson who is LEAPING off the page). A bit more focus on the characterization will really help bring the whole cast to life. And speaking of, the only thing I might consider an issue in this story is the fact that I can't keep track of the OCs! There are so many of them! Giving everyone a bit more focus, and clearly explaining their name, job, and what they look like will really help them all remain individuals. (A list in an AN would work really well too, but that's like taking the easy way out. All the better if you can get it in the story itself) Alternatively, you could think about consolidating the characters. Figure out what purpose each character serves to the plot, and see if you can blend anything together. It might be a bit late to do that now, but it might be something to keep in mind as you continue with this story and any others.

I'm like 90% sure this is the longest review I've ever written omg. Feel free to get at me if you have questions or want to talk something out or say hi. whatever.


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Review #5, by SunshineDaisiesSerenity: Serenity

23rd August 2015:
Hello! Making my way through the Dobby rec thread so I thought I'd stop by.

I love this so much. It's absolutely stunning. I love the lyrical quality of your writing, and it suits this story so well. It's a really beautiful love story, despite the lack of a happy ending. The interludes between the sections of story are so gorgeous. I'm always jealous when people can include such poetic work into their fic.

I really loved reading about the relationship between Padma and Isobel. I think you did an excellent job of building it, so the progression felt natural, despite the fact that they were already together in the beginning. I really love that you included Anthony and the internal conflict Padma has. I haven't read very many stories that include that aspect, and I think it's an important thing to address. And despite the conflict, the feelings Padma had for Isobel seemed so real. The relationship seemed so authentic, rather than the infatuation based, superficial flings that a lot of teenagers end up having. It was so nice to read.

Lovely work! )

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Review #6, by SunshineDaisiesUnrequited: Unrequited

23rd August 2015:
Well hello lovely!

I always enjoy reading your work, you have such a way with words and this was no exception! I think Helena Ravenclaw is a fascinating character who doesnít get nearly enough attention. I suppose the same stands true for the Bloody Baron as well. :)

I think you characterized both of them excellently. Iím especially impressed with your wielding of the Baron! We donít have a lot to work with where heís concerned, so youíve built a really character on very little foundation. I think his actions and reactions were spot on. Itís obvious heís a rash and hotheaded man, and that came across in crystal clarity. I absolutely love his impulsive move to stab Helena, the rage that consumed him in that moment and the utter horror he felt as he realized what he had done.

I loved the description you used as well!

Breathing heavily, the Baron stared at Helena as the red mist slowly descended and the reality of what he had just done began to take over.

I realize youíre talking about blood here, and itís kind of terrible, but I love this image. It evokes such a strong image, and it really helps drive home the emotion in this scene.

Wonderful work!

Author's Response: Hi, Katie! ♥

I really loved the Baron/Helena/Rowena story from the minute I read it in Deathly Hallows so it was fun to explore that a little bit more in this story. I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you for another lovely review from you♥

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Review #7, by SunshineDaisiesSchrodinger's Cat: Anhedonia

20th August 2015:
Hiya! I'm making my way through the Dobby rec thread so I thought I'd make my way over! I really ought to start spending more time over here, your writing is absolutely stunning.

I have to say, I was a little too excited to read this. I'm sort of morbidly fascinated with the destruction of relationships, especially when it's portrayed like this: mundane. I really love that you chose to approach this story without adding any tragedy or drama. The marriage just fell apart.

The way you described Harry's feelings (or lack thereof) was exquisite. You explained the way he felt perfectly. I certainly understood the way his feelings just seemed to fade. It's so true to life and real. I'm sure you know this, but it really took me aback how completely accurate this is. Like, I'm nerding out about how accurate this was compared to all the stuff I learned about marriage in Social Worker school.

(I am alarmed and embarrassed at the level of nerd I just reached.)

But I digress.

I also think that you've done a really amazing job in keeping with Harry's character. He's got such a savior complex, and I feel like that gets overlooked a lot in fic. He's one who would absolutely fight to save his marriage, and I definitely felt his frustration. I can't imagine him acting in any other way.

I think this was an excellent insight into the devolution of a marriage. My one suggestion would be to include a bit of interaction between Harry and one or two other people. I only suggest this because I read his behavior and feelings as mental illness much the same way Ginny did. When he announced that he only felt like that around her, it shocked me a bit. Especially considering that anhedonia is predominantly used in the context of mental illness. But I can see how you may have done that inentionally, so feel free to ignore me if that's the case.

All in all, a really fantastic story :)

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks a million for your kind words!

What you describe about it falling apart without drama was EXACTLY what I was going for. I think I've ended up saying this ad nauseam in my review responses on this one, but: (1) I think media and fiction of all kinds overdramatizes the collapse of relationships when in a lot of cases they really do die a more banal death - and if they DO end with some drama, it is often likely a symptom of something, a breaking point, more than a cause and (2) I wanted to show how painful a seemingly "simple" death can be to those involved.

I definitely know what you mean about the mental illness point. Anhedonia was really intended to refer to his inability to take pleasure or feel positive emotion from his marriage to Ginny rather than mental illness, but it was a delicate line since I simultaneously wanted us to be caught up in Harry's head a lot, experiencing what he was experiencing with it and seeing his attempts to save them failing one-on-one through his reactions and how they contrast with Ginny's (see the old pier trip). I did think about injecting a flashback to the conversation Robards or even to a talk with Ron or Neville, but decided against it because I worried it would take the reader out of being as absorbed in Harry and the Harry/Ginny dynamic as fully.

I really appreciate the thoughtful and detailed comments! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by SunshineDaisiesSentience : Debate

17th August 2015:
Hello! Here for your requested review!

This is another really brilliant story! I'm not sure how you manage to write with such range, but it's super impressive. It is a bit different for you, but I think you handled it very well. I thought it was a really interesting thing to read.

I thought it worked well as a social commentary, and I didn't find it preachy. I think the manticore sounded a little condescending at times, but not toward the reader. More than anything, it made the people speaking against the manticore sound ignorant and prejudiced. I think that it helps get your point across, actually.

No concerns about flow or pacing. I think it's clear who's talking, but I definitely confused myself there and wasn't sure if you meant who was narrating or who was speaking in the dialogue. It's clear who's speaking in the dialogue (and who the manticore is speaking of), but not so much who's narrating. I'm assuming that's because no one in particular is narrating and I was just being dumb.

I think the manticore's arguments are some of the most interesting bits of this story. I feel like it ought to be obvious that a being that can speak coherently is sentient, but wizards do tend to be backward that way. His (hers? its?) arguments definitely made sense.

I think I'd have liked to see more of the manticores' culture, perhaps examples of art, festivals or other celebrations, any other customs they might have, just a telling of how their daily lives are. Just one of those things that could make the story a touch richer.

Otherwise, fantastic work :D

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Review #9, by SunshineDaisiesKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Coffee Stains

12th August 2015:
Hello! Finally here for our swap AND I'M SO EXCITED.

I absolutely love politics, and I especially love speculating about Wizarding politics, because, you know, the whole system seems like a bit of a mess.

I'm so excited to see what you have planned for the rest of the story! Who the opposition is (and what you've named their party!;)), what each side's platform is, how campaigns work in the wizarding world ALL OF IT. Also, this is already pretty hilarious, and that is ALWAYS a plus, especially when it comes to politics.

You've done a really excellent job with this first chapter. You've introduced the main characters and the start of the main plot in a really interesting way. You also were able to provide enough back story for the reader to gain a context of what the world is like at the moment, and you've done that in a really interesting way too. I really liked how you described the past in terms of what Kingsley has done, it definitely made the chapter fun to read.


Author's Response: Ahh Katie thank you so so much for this review! And your help on the story thus far!

Wizarding politics seem like SUCH a mess, man! That's why I convinced Shacklebolt to reform the system a fair bit. It just made no sense how did it work?? I don't know! Instead I'm going to worldbuild until I'm in over my head.

Haha the name of the opposition is certainly a big reveal! ;) Their platforms are going to be expanded over time-- I'm trying to balance the humor, the relationships, the ridiculousness, and the plot so that it's not too much too fast and tbh I think I'm failing! :P Hopefully it'll work out and have a bit in there for everybody...

Thank you so much for your kind words! This review was like a big hug, which is wonderful. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter so much!

The second chapter is in the queue so keep an eye out for it! /I may harass you so that you check it out :P

Thanks again for this review!


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Review #10, by SunshineDaisiesThe Pub: Stumble

11th August 2015:
Hello! Here for our swap!

I was so excited to see you had a story about Hannah! I've become obsessed with her recently, so I'm always excited to read more about her! And the fact that you're writing about the inner workings of a pub made it even more appealing.

As always, you have a brilliant gift for imagery! I could so easily see the set up of the kitchen, and I could definitely imagine Hannah stumbling around inside. It was wonderful!

You also did a really great job of having Hannah making beginner mistakes. Having never worked in a restaurant, I was in the same position as Hannah, and definitely would have made all the same mistakes. It was very funny! I also think you did an excellent job of capturing Hannah's character.

Excellent job!

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Review #11, by SunshineDaisiesthe earth and the sky: the earth and the sky

11th August 2015:
Hello! FINALLY here for the swap.

This has been on my to-read list for quite a while, and I'm so glad I finally got around to reading it! It was absolutely phenomenal. I really enjoy super long stories, so this was such a treat for me! I love how you managed to tell their whole story in one chapter. It was long, yes, but I think it suits the story well. Cutting it into different chapters would have seemed too choppy. The fragments of their lives flowed together so well, and you did an excellent job of showing the entirety of their lives without a ton of detail. I could probably rave about the structure of this for ages, but that's not really the important part, is it?

The way you included the realities of life, especially the harsh ones, is so realistic. Everybody faces tragedies in their lives, miscarriages are so common and hardly anyone writes about them, or explores the reactions characters may have to that. Here, you've done an amazing job of exploring real, raw emotion of both Astoria and Draco. Often when miscarriages are portrayed in writing, authors only focus on the woman's reaction, but of course, especially in a marriage, the father of the child feels a sense of loss as well. I think the way you showed both of their devastation is so beautiful and painfully accurate. You had me feeling the loss right along with them, which is an excellent accomplishment.

And then you went and threw another tragedy at them almost immediately afterward. Again, things like this happen in every life, and I think that the way you portrayed the loss of Draco's hearing pretty wonderfully as well. It's far different from the loss of a pregnancy, but just as profound. And again, it's something both of them are going to experience. Having your spouse lose a sense is a loss just as losing a sense is a loss. And then, in a truly accurate choice, they decided to have a child as a distraction. It might not be the most advisable decision, but it's certainly a real one. People want distraction in times of loss.

Overall, I think you did an absolutely amazing job of exploring two intertwined lives, and all of ups and downs that come along with simply living. You so accurately described the losses and joys that play out in life.

This is an absolutely astounding piece of fiction.

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Review #12, by SunshineDaisiesBetween the Cracks: The Prologue

11th August 2015:
Hello lovelies! I'm here for a swap! :)

I think this is an EXCELLENT start to a novel. It sets up a nice background to base the rest of the story around without giving too much away. Actually, you hardly gave anything away at all, and yet you absolutely pulled me in. Hook, line and sinker. I'm so interested in reading more about Eleanor! Definitely a great way to start out a novel.

As far as writing goes, I think this is some of your best work, honestly. You've told the story of Eleanor's homecoming so well and with a perfect amount of detail. The whole thing flowed really well, and the language made it really easy and interesting to read. It really is a great chapter!

I'll definitely be back for more (...after a nap), I'm excited to see what's next! :)

Author's Response: This was such a beautiful review! Thanks for doing the swap.

You are so kind to this story. We're really excited for this. We hope you do come back, you're so kind to us!

Thanks again! This was an amazing review!

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Review #13, by SunshineDaisiesDeath Eater's Kitchen: once more, with quiche.

11th August 2015:



You amaze me. I remember reading When Summer Fades and wanting to cry for a week AND THEN I READ THIS AND I'M CRYING BECAUSE I'M LAUGHING SO HARD. Your range is incredible. (Note to self: bring tissues next time I hit up your author page).

Obviously, I thought this was hilarious. I think it's nice to see villains portrayed humorously on occasion, and I think this did that perfectly. You kept Barty in character, but made him wonderfully ridiculous as well. I loved reading about him using the imperius to have students make him lunch. And the fact that he chose to make the most random things (with the silliest sounding names), is just fantastic.

I also really like how you wrote this story as mostly really silly and ridiculous, but also included some really sharp satire as well! I loved the line about "a certain muggle author" and Dumbledore's whole speech about why time turners don't go into the future. SO FUNNY.

Overall this was fantastic. I giggled the whole way through! :D

Author's Response: HI KATIE. ♥

I'M SORRY BUT ALSO KIND OF HAPPY ABOUT THE LAUGH TEARS. I think laugh tears is probably the best possible reaction - at least you didn't just get really hungry while reading it. :P wah, but thank you for your compliments! I do try to write all across the board in different genres so that's such a lovely thing to hear ♥

There is something so fun about portraying a cold hearted villain in a silly way. I'm glad you thought he was still in character, despite being ridiculous! And oh man, the food. I was in an airport writing this way early in the morning and I was so hungry and just thinking about all the delicious things I wanted. :P

Most of it is silly and ridiculous yes, though technically, you know, nothing in this story actually negates canon so it COULD be true. :P I love satire so much, and I'm glad you enjoyed the jabs at all the holes in the series - all my satiric jabs at HP are really out of a place of love. It's kind of like the way you tease a sibling. :P

Thank you so much for your review! I'm so glad this story amused you :D

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Review #14, by SunshineDaisiesThe unusual tale of Shirley the Squib and Brian the Boggart: The unusual tale of Shirley the Squib and Brian the Boggart

11th August 2015:
Hi Chiara! Here for our swap!

This is so CUTE. It's an absolutely lovely children's story. The tone of the piece is absolutely perfect! I can totally imagine a parent telling this to a child at bedtime. And it's got such a lovely moral! It's not WHAT you are, but WHO you are that's important. I think that would be a really important thing for a wizarding child to learn. Especially when it comes to being a wizard or squib. Plus they learn that you shouldn't be afraid of boggarts. Also important. :)

I'm so glad I got a chance to read this! It's absolutely darling!:)

Author's Response: Hi Katie!
Thank you for swapping!!!

I'm so happy you liked this! I put a lot of effort in making the tone right for a children story, so it's great to know you felt I managed it!!!

And I'm so happy you liked the moral! I wanted to show that, no matter how different you are, you can find your right place in the world!

So glad you enjoyed reading this! Thank you so much again!!!


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Review #15, by SunshineDaisiesWhat It Takes: What It Takes

11th August 2015:
Hey Cassie! Here for our swap!

THIS IS ADORABLE. I'm pretty sure everything you touch is adorable. I imagine you're like King Midas crossed with a Disney princess. Everything you touch turns into adorable.

Anyway, I really loved this! I've been on such a Hannah kick lately, so I was excited to see that you had a couple stories about her! It's so nice to read about a Hufflepuff :)

I absolutely love her friendship with Simon, it's so sweet to have a friendship that can last so long. I think it's especially wonderful that it's a friendship between a man and a woman with absolutely no indication of jealousy or romantic interest. It's so hard to find anything like that! It really makes their friendship that much sweeter.

I think you characterized Hannah perfectly. Obviously we don't see a lot of her in canon, but I think you've incorporated the things that we do see of her very well. I can definitely see the sort of clumsy, prone-to-panic girl that appears in all the novels. And I think you've done an excellent job with Simon as well. They just seem to fit so naturally together, it's wonderful.

Lovely work as always! :)

Author's Response: Hi Katie!
Oh my gosh. I'm so flattered! I really like writing fluff, so I'm so pleased that you thought this was cute!
I love writing Hannah and Simon because their relationship is so platonic. They really are just best friends, who have never had any romantic feelings for one another, and they're totally okay with that.
I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote Hannah! Since we do get so little of her from JKR, I really got to make her my own, but I did want to make her fit what we do see in canon, so I'm glad that came across!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Cassie :)

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Review #16, by SunshineDaisiesTraitorous Hearts: A Dangerous Revelation

8th August 2015:
Hi! Finally here for your review :)

This is another solid chapter! I like that you've started to reveal a bit of Astoria's secrets. It's very well timed, if you'd waited too much longer, I think it'd start to seem too drawn out.

I like the development in the present as well! I'd like to see a bit more of Draco in each chapter, but I can also see how that make the transition between chapters a bit awkward. And I haven't read ahead quite yet, so it could be that you focus more on the present in future chapters now that we have more of a basis for the past.

I think you could include a little more detail about how Astoria got into the Gryffindor dorms, it seems like an interesting story and I think it would be a good opportunity for characterization. You can show a little more of her sneaky spy side.

But, these are just some food for thought! The chapter is great as is!

This review seems much shorter than my others, but I think that's a compliment to your writing :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for checking this out and giving me your opinions!

I'm so glad that you think the timing's going well here.

I worried about that in those first few chapters--there not being quite as much Draco as one might like. But you're right, later chapters (excluding, I believe, chapter 4) have fewer flashbacks. They stay more anchored to the present. But to understand what's going on, I think the focus on the past is necessary in those first few chapters, or the intricacies of the situation wouldn't really come across later.

That's a good idea! I promise lots more of her sneaky spy side comes across later, but I would like it to remain consistent--show not tell, and all that. That would be a good place to include a bit of sneaking, if I could fit it in smoothly. I'll have to look into that. :)

Thank you so much, both for the things you mentioned that you liked, as well as your suggestions. I appreciate it!


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Review #17, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Snitch Snatcher - katwithlove - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Oh man, I love a good hustle:) This was so much fun to read! I absolutely loved watching Hermione school Ron. It was such a cute thing to do. Obnoxious, but cute. I also really enjoyed how you had Ron trying to explain Quidditch to Hermione. I think that shows a lot of affection for her, actually. He wants her to enjoy something he enjoys as well. It's a very cute coupley thing. BUT. I also love that Hermione knew what was going on the whole time, but pretended she didn't because really, she just doesn't care about Quidditch. And it was so funny to watch her show them that by kicking butt at a Quidditch board game. I love the relationship between Hermione and Ginny. It makes me so happy that Ginny taught Hermione about Quidditch, and even taught her how to play the game well! I also really liked that Bill showed her all of Ron's moves. Beating Ron is a wonderful family affair. :)

Great work!

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Review #18, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Speak - TreacleTart - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:

Wow that was creepy. I love the characters you chose for this. Lavender, Parvati and Padma all seem to be the type that would be so into Oujia boards. It's silly at first, but this took a really sinister twist. I really enjoyed watching as the girls went from having a laugh while playing a silly game, to absolute terror when Voldemort took over. And it's so real for them to immediately accuse each other of moving the piece, despite the fact that none of these girls would ever use the word "Mudblood," let alone in a way that insinuated their demise. I was sort of proud of Lavender for taking the fall for it, she allowed her friends some peace, while she lived with what is probably complete terror for who knows how long? Very brave of her, I think. All of the girls were lovely, really, and Voldemort was so, so creepy. It reminds me a bit of Halloween.

Great job!

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Review #19, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: Matchday 6 - TidalDragon - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Ooh! This was really interesting! I love the more theoretical side of Quidditch, they dynamics of the players and teams that we aren't privvy to in canon. Obviously they have to exist, they do in every sport. It's so intriguing to think about how things in Muggle sports translate over to Quidditch. Definitely a fun area to explore! I think this was a really great way to explore the "trading" of players. This deal is a bit shady, but I kind of like it because of that. Shady people in this part of sports are super common, I think you'd be remiss to not include at least a glance at one. I think your writing was clear here, which is nice consider I don't actually know that much about how it works in Muggle sports. This has definitely piqued an interest for me, I'll have to poke around and see the other parts of Quidditch you've worked on.

Great job!

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Review #20, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: Trouble - krazyboutharryginny - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

SO CUTE. I love wizards' childlike wonder at the muggle world. It's so amusing. I really liked how Ron reacted to not knowing what a board game was-- I really liked that Ron didn't know what a board game was! The Grangers were all so lovely and patient with him, and the kindness was so nice to read about. I think you described the game was perfect, it was clear enough for Ron to understand, certainly, and that feeling sort of came through to the reader. I loved the short description of the game being played. Too much detail there and I think it would've boardered on boring. Definitely a good judgment call there :) And Ron ended up wining! How precious! I loved how pleased he was with himself for it. It's so cute when people are smug about board games. I think the end was the sweetest bit, Ron's childlike naivety is coming through and it's so cute. And you can tell Hermione finds it so endearing.

Great work!

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Review #21, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: What Did I Do Wrong? - Pixileanin - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Awww! Firstie Neville! This was so, so cute. I love the idea of eleven year olds having toad races to amuse themselves. It especially makes sense for Neville, as he owns a toad, and seems the most likely to win. Definitely a game I think he'd pick out. I really liked the way you characterized Trevor as well. I'm not sure you can actually characterize a toad, but I like what you did with him in any case. He seems so insolent and uncaring, but in the end he pulls through for his owner. I loved Lavenders reaction to the toad in her hair! That's definitely something I would freak out about just as much, if not more! Poor girl :( But good for Neville! I like to see him win once in a while. He spends so much of his life in the books defeated, a little victory now and then probably does him a lot of good.

Good work!

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Review #22, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: A Blur of Colour - FredWeasleyIsMyKing - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

This is fantastic! I love that you made Ron blind. It certainly seems a likely situation for him given... his entire life basically. Losing your vision is such a loss, and I think you portrayed Ron as grieving for it very realistically. The frustration is so real. He wants to avoid the things he used to love, because he can't love them in the same way anymore. Thank goodness Hugo is around to help him learn to. :) Of course, avoiding some things he loves doesn't mean he isn't learning to live his life without sight. I really liked how you mentioned some little ways that Ron was learning to function. I think the voices bringing out colors is the most beautiful thing. :)

I really liked the language you used in this as well. The introduction was just flawless. I really loved how you began with a summary of how eyes work, it lead so well into the rest of the story.

Good work!

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Review #23, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: Dragon - TreacleTart - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

This was fun! I really enjoyed reading a more in depth exploration of Harry's encounter of the Hungarian Horntail. It's such a good single moment to focus on in a story. I think you really brought it to life with the details! All of Harry's thoughts, and the way he felt the dragon following him just brought the scene to life. I really liked Harry's thoughts about being a fly, it really was a perfect analogy for him to make! Pestering the dragon enough to make her want to swat him was exactly what he needed to do, and it worked perfectly! I really loved the moment he grabbed the egg and flew off to victory. A much needed happy moment in Harry's life, I think. You can feel the joy radiating from him, and the pride that's just growing inside. I think that's my favorite way to read about Harry, since we don't see it often enough in the books!

Great job!

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Review #24, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: Learning to Catch a Snitch - looneylizzie - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

THAT WAS SO CUTE. Harry is such a good father, and it's so good to seem him happy with a family, rather than struggling through life mostly alone, like he was for most of the books. I love that Albus wants to be a seeker like his dad! It seems fitting for him. He seems a bit more timid than his older brother, and the seeker position definitely suits him more. I don't think Albus would be quite intense enough to play chaser or beater. And he's so good at seeking! I loved watching Harry's natural talent come out through Albus. It reminds me of reading those first Quidditch matches in the books, and how exciting they were! I laughed out loud when Albus crashed into a tree, and laughed a bit harder when he yelled back that he was okay. I think my heart swelled with as much pride as Harry's did when Albus finally caught the snitch.

Such a great father/son moment :)

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Review #25, by SunshineDaisiesGame On: Volume II: Weasley vs. Football - looneylizzie - Gryffindor

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Oh my! Arthur sure seems to be in for it with Molly! This was such a sweet story, I loved watching the interaction between Arthur and Ginny. Father/Daughter relationships give me so many feels. I also really liked reading about them trying to figure out how to play football! It's such a common thing, it's very amusing to see people who don't know much about it at all. It was so cute watching them try to figure it out. Watching Ginny take the ball in her hands and chuck it through the goal posts was hilarious. I love that Arthur tried to fix the ball when Ginny complained about it being too hard, that's such a good dad :) Looking out for his children, even when it gets him in a lot of trouble with his wife! This was a really fun read, I'm so glad I stopped by! Great work!

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