I enjoyed reading your story and seeing how you filled in the moments in their relationship that we didn't see in the books. There was plenty of description in there, maybe a couple of bits that might have been excessive, like describing what they were wearing in chapter five. I didn't think it was necessary as it didn't affect the story.
The flashbacks in the second chapter were good and it was a nice way to show a few of Tonks' past memories. It felt a bit squashed though and I would have liked a couple more flashbacks later on in the story maybe. The main thing that I noticed was the change in tense from third to first when you described the flashback. I know that they were from her point of view, but it was too abrupt and threw me off the story. I'd suggest rewriting them in third tense as I think it would flow much better and would still provide the same purpose.
I can see why you might think the last chapter should be split into two but I'd disagree. I think the stark contrast between the happy family scene and the war is very effective and shocking. I think the last scene in the battle is too short and if you wanted to edit it, there's a lot more description and action you could write to make it more real.
Character-wise, Tonks was very good. Her emotions and reactions were clearly expressed and I could feel how desperate she was. This wasn't the case with Remus unfortunately. His character didn't seem emotional enough. I didn't get a sense that he loved Tonks as much as she did him and I think that's somewhere you can improve upon. Apart from that, good job!
Thank you for requesting a review! :)
-Sophia Report Review
This is the first Draco/Harry story I've ever read and I didn't dislike the ship as much as I thought I would. You handled their relationship quite well and I think I came to like the ship at about the same time Harry realised he was in love.
Writing dream fics are always tricky as the author need to distinguish between the real world and the dream world, which you did. The present tense of the story caught me by surprise and I did struggle to get to grips with it. However, it worked well in trying to demonstrate Harry's confusion and feelings towards both worlds. I also thought that Harry being so tolerant to Draco was odd. I assume enough time had passed after the war and Harry had accepted Draco a bit more?
The two worlds are interwoven cleverly. The similarities are astonishing and the differences ingenious. The part about Harry being Draco's patient because of his dreams of the other world was brilliant, and for a fleeting moment I wondered if the Drarry relationship might be the real one.
Harry's adaptation to the dream world and coming to terms with these new emotions was nicely done. I especially liked his reaction to finding out about Minister Riddle. How odd that must have looked to the other characters in that world. The banter between Draco and Harry was great. I would have liked to read a scene or two with Draco and Harry in the real world and how Harry might have taken to that.
I could tell Harry was getting drawn into the dream world more and more, and I hoped it wouldn't get to the point where he couldn't tell which was which. The tattoo doodle that Draco drew on his arm was very interesting. I think Harry probably drew it on himself while he was dreaming.
In all honesty, I think the ending was very abrupt. The shock factor was written well, and I liked the back and forth-ness, but I'd have preferred the ending to be developed a bit more. As to my thoughts on what happened, I think Harry died. His life with Draco was only a dream and the more he tried to hold onto it, the further he slipped away from the real world.
I enjoyed reading this story and the quotes at the beginning of chapters were a nice touch. Just out of interest, what was the timespan for this story? I don't think it was referred to and I'm curious. :)
-Sophia Report Review
Hi WTM! I've just finished reading this on my Kindle, so I hope a long review at the end is alright. :)
I'm seriously asking myself why I've not read this story before. I've heard a lot about your bounty-hunter Rose series and I'm glad I've finally managed to read it!
Rose is sassy and sarcastic and Scorpius is laid back and an artist. They made a great, although unusual, combination. I thought Rose's characterisation was well thought out, and I was so glad she wasn't a carbon copy of Hermione. I liked Rose's interactions with her family a lot. She didn't mind asking, or bribing, her cousins for help in skills she was lacking. I'm glad you didn't forget her parents either. Next gen characters always have scenes with their siblings and cousins, but more rarely with their parents. I love the relationship Rose has with her dad; she's a proper Daddy's girl.
I certainly didn't expect Scorpius to be an artist and I'm curious as to why you decided to make this his profession. It was a pleasant change not to see him forced into a profitable career by his parents, and instead find something to do that he loves. I thought about Scorpius quite a bit while reading this story. I wonder how he feels that he isn't able to provide for Rose as much as he'd probably like to. And whether it's made him consider finding a regular job at any point. I look forward to finding out more about his character in the further stories.
One of the aspects of your story I liked the most was how your described Victoire's family, especially the kids. Johnny's behaviour was amusing and realistic. I love that Johnny played a part in the finale. He's so adorable (when he's not throwing a tantrum) and I could just imagine him charging at the baddies who were going to hurt his Auntie Rose.
Now that I think about it, all the minor characters have individual personalities of their own, even though they feature only a little in the story. I think Louis, Fred, and Hugo are three of the characters that come to mind. This is down to your brilliant writing. I love authors who slip in hints about a character, like you did with what the Hogwarts-era characters did after they left school.
The overall plot was very enjoyable indeed! There was action, plans, surveillance, and even a kid being a manticore! I enjoyed Rose's mishaps a lot. Despite her unlucky streak of blowing things up, she finally got there and stumbled upon the criminals. The twist on Brutus Knappers being a partially unwilling participant was surprising and I felt a bit sorry for him that he was forced into hiding. The other two got what they deserved.
I thought it a nice touch that you ended the story the way it began, with Rose going after Pyxis Parmenter. I'm sure he'll pop up again in a future sequel.
I'm definitely going to keep reading this entertaining series. I'm interested to see what Rose is up to next! :)
-SophiaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for coming to leave a review! I really appreciate it :)
I enjoy Rose as a combo of Ron and Hermione (maybe with a little extra Ron) rather than a carbon copy of Hermione. I dislike the rude-and-crude Rose that became popular for a while in Next Gens, so while she's sarcastic, she's not mean. A little ditzy maybe, and rather lazy... ;) I adore writing her scenes with Ron (and Harry and Hermione as well), but I adore Ron in general!
I've seen him portrayed as an artist twice aside from my stories: JLHufflepuff writes the 11 year old Scorpius as being able to draw quite well and prophetically, but is otherwise vastly different from mine, and there's another story I haven't read where he's an artist. But I wanted him to be a slacker too. He actually doesn't mind letting Rose be the bread-winner while he takes care of everything else, until they're about to be evicted of course, when he'll get up and get a job. At least long enough to pay the back rent ;) They sometimes bum money off their parents for rent, but neither likes doing so. Anyway, I'm not sure why I made him this way, actually. It just sort of happened. I started writing him and I wanted him to be a foil for Rose, sane where she's crazy and flamboyant enough to match her as well. I gave him artistic qualities - the singing and painting - and it just seemed to fit him well. I have two one-shots from his POV (A Weasley Christmas and Free, both prequels to this story so you can read them anytime), and his POV is used in Next Midnight (which falls after A Weirder Shade of Midnight and Sparks).
The Lupin kids are a lot of fun to write. Johnny is so horrible that he comes out the other side into awesomeness XD He's such a brat. And yet he's so cute too. Louis is probably my favorite cousin for a cameo. He's just so insane, in the best way. Terrible, terrible taste in women. As Hugo says, he'd find the only woman in a gaggle of nuns that would steal him blind and leave him naked in an alley. Poor Hugo having to be the responsible child ;) Fred I picture as rather dorky, and James's sidekick. Ah I have fun with the male cousins. I quite like the female cousins too. I kind of want to do a spin-off for Lily, actually, since I have such a clear picture in my head of her but haven't really gotten to add her to these novels much.
This was my first time writing a mystery! I really liked it, actually, well obviously since I'm now on novel 3 in this series. It's different than the Unsinkable stories, the plotting is a lot more complex but I really enjoy it now. It was my first time writing in first-person POV here too. Ah poor Butrus, he did get the raw end of that deal but I think he had it coming too. The other two, yes, definitely got what they deserved!
Pyxis Parmenter haha... Ah yes, he does pop up again in the next book.
Thank you again for reviewing! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you like the next Rose stories! Report Review
What a beautiful ending! I've just read this story all in one go and I had to review to let you know how much I enjoyed it.
The summary caught my eye and I was quickly dragged into the story within the first few chapters. I desperately wanted to know what James had done to his family that was so terrible. I wasn't expecting it to be what it was but it fit all the pieces of the story really well. I thought the way you shared that information over several chapters to find out the whole story was great and it gave me time to think about how it affected the family and what a big impact it had.
One of the things I liked most about this story was your style of writing. There was such finesse in your descriptions. They were short and simple but gave all the information I needed to know. You didn't overdo it with long paragraphs; it was perfect. I might re-read the story just for the descriptive writing. :P
I liked your portrayal of James a lot. He wasn't just some kid who got fed up of his family and the fame; there was a lot more to him. I felt that his character was a bit stilted around chapters 5 or 6, but I understood you had writer's block. The flow of the story was much better afterwards and I just kept reading until the end, not wanting to stop.
There was a lot of depth in James' thoughts and actions, and that, along with the visual descriptions, really made your story great. I felt that you got underneath his character, digging down to the roots of him to explain his actions, and I started to see James as a real person with depth and emotions and love.
I hated him when I found out what he had done to his family, and I could understand the betrayal and hatred that his family felt towards him. After finishing this story, I tried to think about how I might have reacted if I had been in Lily or Albus' position and I honestly have no idea, which is a little scary.
There was one point when I thought James' progression was perhaps going a bit fast but it didn't bother much and I thought the rest of the story was better. I really felt for James in the last chapter, especially when he spoke to Lily, and when he presented Dominique with the repaired present. I think I even had tears in my eyes!
Although the other characters, with the exception of Rose and Ella, had little screen time, their characters and personalities came across really well. The short narratives that you inserted between the dialogues helped with that a lot, as did James' memories about them as children and at school. It was a beautiful sentiment that Molly and Rose had faith in James that he could change and grown up but only if he really wanted to. Rose's behaviour and tolerance of him was admirable, as was her desire to help him, even if so that she didn't let her grandmother down.
As the only OC in the story, I was interested to see what part Ella would play in James' self improvement. When you mentioned in an author's note that you didn't intend for this to be a James/OC, I was glad because I didn't want a relationship between them to lessen the effect of the overall story. It didn't, I'm pleased to say, in fact I thought it showed further development in James' character that he didn't just use her as he would have previously.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and it made me think a lot about human character and our limits. Hopefully, I'll be able to read more of your work soon! :)
-SophiaAuthor's Response: I can find no way to get this stunning review on one page to reply to. I don't think I've ever seen anything so long. Thank you so much!
I think I'm prouder of the summary than most of the story, actually. It's the only thing that didn't change whilst I was writing this and it came very naturally. Sadly it probably makes the story sound more exciting than it actually is, as do the first few chapters. It did change quite significantly once I got back into the swing of writing it. Originally what James did was going to be more serious but I thought I'd go for something a little less shocking!
I find it quite funny that you commented on my style in this. I started it with the intention writing in the style of my one-shots at the time but I don't think it really worked so it's quite interesting for me for you to mention it! The short but deceptively informative description appears to be a bit of a staple of mine :P It is something quite natural that I don't really notice when I write so it's nice for people to point it out as a positive.
I'm so glad that you think there's more to James than just a spoiled brat. He definitely has those elements in him but I have read stories before where he went off the rails just because of the fame. I wanted there to be something different to him, something a bit more human. You're completely right about him being a bit off in those two chapters. I'll go back and edit it at some point! The flow in the later chapters is definitely related to the fact that I wrote it very quickly and often 2-3 chapters a night which helps with the continuity.
I really did want to dig into him as a character as a way to prove to the reader, more than anything, that he was more than all those other takes on James as the prodigal son. I definitely wanted people to hate him and feel a lot of empathy for his family, especially before he starts to redeem himself. He doesn't start as a likeable character - anyone who thinks he did worries me! I'm not sure what I'd do either. My brother and I don't get on brilliantly anyway but I don't know what I'd do in Lily's position.
Again, you're spot on with the speed of the change in James. There is a slightly bigger time jump than there appears to be but it's not very obvious and honestly, I was just being lazy :P I wanted to get it over and done with rather than developing him properly! However, to know that the last chapter made you feel sympathy for him is wonderful. I may stick another chapter in one day to try and prolong the progression but I repeat, I'm lazy!
I am quite proud of the other characters, especially in the later chapters. Pretty much every Next Gen character gets their say, as well as a lot of Harry's generation, but I think my very firm idea of what each Next Gen character is like helps in situations like this. Molly and Rose are so important in this story and I do admire them a lot. I'm not sure I could have the faith they did in him.
Bringing Ella in was such a hard decision. I've got versions with and without her but I'm glad I put her in now. I really didn't want this to become a romance but I do love their relationship and what it brings to James' character.
Thank you so much, Sophia. I can't say it enough. This review is...wonderful and this story completely does not deserve it!
Thank you ♥ Report Review
Although I've already read the third novel in the Albus Potter series and know some of the events mentioned, I'm very glad I read this story too. Reading about those events from Amy's perspective and learning more about her childhood was very interesting and I could feel for her. I was a little surprised at first that it was told in first person but I realised pretty quickly why you chose to do that. You explored Amy's feelings and emotions excellently and expressed them much better than if the story had been in third person.
I was intrigued to read more about Matt and Amy's family and life in Australia as that information is limited in your other series. That's probably why you chose to write it in the first place! I particularly enjoyed Cinda's character and for a minor character, she had a great personality. Amy's relationship with her was challenging, to say the least, but I can see it helped her to become the adult she did become (I've just started reading Beyond the Shadow).
I liked the way you portrayed Matt's parents and their behaviour towards him - trying to keep him safe, giving him what he wanted, and the guilt they still felt so many years later. That is all so realistic of parents with an ill or disabled child. Amy's resentment as the older sister who was pushed into the background a bit was also well written. At some points, the emotion almost made me cry.
Aw, I felt so bad for Amy having to move to England at the start of fourth year and not having any choice in the matter. I moved schools when everybody else had already started and I remember how hard it was to fit in and to make friends when everybody else already had their own social group. I think having Healer Norlam to talk to and help deal with everything really helped Amy (and her family) a lot. I'd never heard of wizard psychology, I suppose it never really occured to me that they would have it, but you've made me think about that a bit more. It's an interesting subject.
In fact, since reading your stories, I've learnt a lot more about werewolves and how they're regarded in society. What happened to Matt really was a terrible thing but I understand now that not all werewolves are like the ones we saw in the HP books - wanting and eager to bite and kill.
The chapter where Matt was taken to the Ministry centre was powerful and emotional. I was almost in tears when you described his condition the following morning. The way Killigan, Lubar and society treated Matt was horrible and I'm very glad things are much better for them in England. I hope Amy and her dad can work towards making life better for werewolves in the future.
One of the parts I was most liked was when Amy decided her passion and aim in life was to be a Healer and to find an alternative to Wolfsbane. I think you built up to that nicely and this last chapter where she saw Matt for the first time after the full moon was heartbreaking. It goes a long way to understanding why she behaves as she does with Matt in the other series. I'm sure she will one day achieve that aim of hers.
Amy has matured so much in this story and it's been lovely to read a story like this that has been so well written. You developed Amy's character brilliantly throughout the novel and I can't wait to read about her in the next story. :D
-SophiaAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this one! It's my all time favorite of all the stories I've written. Writing about Amy was very interesting and I feel I know her the best out of all my characters now. I actually started this in third person, since that's what I use for all my other stories, but soon realized that it would work much better in first person. There were too many deep emotions for third person.
That's exactly why I wrote it! There's only so much I can reveal in the other stories since they are from Albus's point of view. I needed a separate story to do this plot line justice. Cinda was so much fun to write! She had a great deal of influence on Amy's life, and that will be revealed more in the sequel.
Matt's parents' attitude was really interesting to develop. They are absolutely riddled with guilt about what happened, which is exactly why they spoiled him throughout his childhood. But then they discover that it didn't benefit him at all, which only caused them more guilt. It's incredibly realistic and although I have no personal experience with it, I read a lot of books that deal with it. Amy's resentment was actually really easy to write.
It really was awful for Amy to have to move, especially when moving does not seem to be a common occurrence in the wizarding world. I moved a lot when I was little, but by the time I was in school full time we stopped. I can only imagine how hard it would be when you were older. Healer Norlam was definitely helpful. Wizarding psychology is my own creation because I think it would have been necessary after the war. It's creation stems from the fact that I was majoring in psychology when I wrote this.
I created a lot of information about werewolves and their place in society while writing this. Obviously, it was all based on the information that JKR gave us in the Potter books, but I needed more to write this well. I always imagined that most werewolves are more like Remus and less like Greyback.
The chapter where Matt was taken to the Ministry center was the saddest to write. I still remember exactly where I was when I wrote it. I was completely in the zone and not paying attention to anything else. The emotions were so raw and deep. Lubar and Killigan are awful people. Amy and her dad will be able to make life better for werewolves, but it will take time.
The part where Amy decides to become a healer was my favorite chapter to write. It was what I had been working towards in the entire novel. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Being at home during the full moon pretty much shaped her attitude from then on. It was something she needed to do to truly understand.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this story so much! Developing Amy's character and personality was so much fun to do in this one. I hope you enjoy the next story as much as this one! Thanks so much for the review!!! :) Report Review
I'm glad to see Kaden is still a great part of their group. I think he's a better person now that he's less excitable, even if he still can't keep his mouth shut. He and John make a very entertaining team and I really like the way they interact so well. And also how they make up the pranking side of the group.
I thought Amanda started to develop as a character a bit more in this novel, especially during the argument between Rose and the boys when she brought them back together. I was very glad to see that although I was firmly on Albus' side that Linda shouldn't be told about their private common room, especially as Harry and Teddy didn't yet know.
Linda Morales was an interesting character for sure. I never usually like reading about vampires and werewolves, to be honest, but you describe them and tell their story very differently to how other authors do. When Matt revealed to the boys how much he knew about Linda, that explained a great deal about the way she behaved.
I can't believe Killigan went as low as to accept her as a student just so his school could win! But it all makes sense in the end because you're just an amazing storyteller where all the storylines fit together perfectly.
I could say so much about Professor Balladanis! I thought he was an enigmatic character with an interesting past and you didn't disappoint at all! I had a feeling that this 'hidden past' might be to do with vampires or werewolves (you know, due to his strange behaviour) but I really liked the way you told his backstory. I want to know more! And although his teaching methods were a little unconventional, they were effective. In an odd way, he's the kind of teacher I wish I'd had in school. Someone who knew their subject inside out and was willing to take time out of lessons to help the more abled students improve further as well as the less abled. Without the anamatek, of course!
The anamatek was your own idea, right? I was really impressed with the idea and imagination of it. I have to agree with Balladanis about its uses though; it's the perfect creature to demonstrate on during the lessons (as long as it's properly managed) and I'm sure if nothing else, Albus and his class certainly learnt a lot.
A Presuler is another of your great creations, I think. It's an interesting sounding career and I love that he selected both Albus and Scorpius as having the extra potential to become one. If you ever write anything more about Balladanis' job please let me know! I'd definitely read it.
The last few chapters were great to read. The action in Australia was well written and funny to read, especially with Lubar, the Willinsons and Washburn arguing amongst themselves. I thought Kaden was brilliant with his incessant questions and almost-but-not-quite getting them into trouble. And Albus sort of managed to produce a patronus! I thought the part where the resurrection brought back Lubar's mother instead of Voldemort was hilarious. Nice touch!
I loved the ending to the story and I'm looking forward to reading about Albus' fourth year. :D
-SophiaAuthor's Response: Kaden is a permanent part of the group now. He'll continue to calm down as the story progresses. He and John have developed quite a friendship, which is quite a stark contrast from the previous novel when John couldn't stand him. Amanda's personality definitely comes out a bit more in this novel, but even more will be revealed in the fourth one. Albus was definitely in the right about the fight.
Linda was really fun to develop, although a little difficult. I didn't want her to scream "Twilight" but at the same time I did want her to be exceptionally beautiful. I adore writing about werewolves (haha, you can probably tell), so vampires were an interesting twist. I'm glad you like the way I write about them! I try to develop the emotional issues that I think would be involved with being a werewolf or vampire, rather than the physical characteristics. I hope that made sense! Killigan is a very sleazy guy. He'll do pretty much anything to win or get his way.
Balladanis was a lot of fun to create, even more enjoyable than creating Linda. I actually have a whole bunch of other information on his past that I could develop into a whole other novel, but I don't have time to write it. Maybe I'll do a one-shot sometime or something. He's definitely a good teacher who clearly cares about his subject and his students, but his love for his subject blinds him in terms of protecting his students. The anamatek was going a little too far.
The anamatek was my idea! I based it off the idea of the Boggart, of course, but it was completely mine. It is the perfect creature for teaching lessons, but it's possibility for killing is a bit too dangerous. Albus and the others definitely learned more in that class than any other classes. Presulers are my creation, too, and I have a few more ideas of how I can work them into future stories. Albus and Scorpius now have a weird connection through their potential of becoming presulers, although neither of them choose to recognize this connection in the fourth story (at least not yet). I'll let you know if I write anything else about Balladanis!
The Australia chapters were the most fun to write. I really liked tying this together with In Moonlight's Shadow. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! Kaden's dialogue was very funny and possibly the best part to write in those chapters. Albus did sort of produce a patronus! He's got his dad's skills for that. I planned pretty early on that the resurrection stone wouldn't bring back Voldemort, so I needed someone else for it to bring back. Glad you liked it!
Thanks again for reading and reviewing!!! I hope you enjoy the fourth one! :) Report Review
This is my favourite novel out of the three I've read before. It's more fun and light-hearted than the first novel, and I love the original concept you came up with for the focus of this novel. I've seen the second Marauders Map concept done once or twice but yours is by far the best I've read. The challenges that the original Marauders set for the Albus and his friends was believable and just challenging enough to test them to see if they were indeed the second generation. And the wizard fingerprint idea was genius! I love their new common room and I can't wait to see how they use it in the future novels.
As well as this main aim throughout the novel, I love the other plot lines you also included: Quidditch, the duelling team, Malfoy, and even the return of Willinson. I admire how you manage to tie all these arcs together and it makes sense too!
And Kaden, I can't forget him! I think he's become one of my favourite OCs. You described him really well throughout the novel, showing his excitement and enthusiasm for everything. I think Albus is more patient and tolerant that I am. I'm sure I would have got fed up with Kaden long before he did. I expected Kaden to become the fourth second gen Marauder and I think you did a great job of explaining why he fitted the mould of Wormtail but without making him the social outcast or being tainted by Wormtail's image.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention the variation on the silencing charm. That's such a wonderful idea and it's a good thing Rose managed to make it work eventually. I hope that in a couple of years, when Kaden has matured a bit, they'll be able to remove it. Kaden is a great addition to their team; I didn't think he was very intelligent at first but he's proved himself, especially with the fingerprint idea.
All your characters are believable and have a personality of their own, although I do think Amanda has a quieter character than the others. I love your writing style and how you don't overdo it on the description. When I see long paragraphs of adjectives I tend to skip past them, but I never did that while I was reading this. The action is written really well and I feel as though you've really developed J K Rowling's world and made it your own.
I'm starting on the third story now. I can't wait to see what's in store for Albus and his friends, and see how Lily and Hugo get on! :)
-SophiaAuthor's Response: This one was my favorite to write! I love when people tell me this is their favorite because of that. I wrote this one quite a while ago and had actually never seen the second Marauders Map or second Marauders done before. It was kind of weird seeing someone else do it for the first time. I've actually never read any of the others just because it would be too odd. I'm glad you enjoyed the challenges! They were really fun to come up with, although I did have help with the riddles. I'm completely inept at riddles. I'm not even sure how I came up with the fingerprint idea, but I'm sure it stemmed from watching too many crime TV shows.
I love writing Quidditch! So many people skip it, but it's such an integral part of Hogwarts life that I had to keep including it. I do less of it as the novels go on just because it's hard to write many unique Quidditch scenes. The dueling team and Malfoy will be continued plot lines throughout the series.
Kaden is my second favorite character to write. I especially enjoyed him in the first half of this story. Writing annoying characters is just so fun. Albus was incredibly patient and I think John got a bit fed up with Al's patience. Making him Wormtail without the connotations of the original Wormtail was difficult, but I'm glad you think I did it well.
The silencing charm was fun to create. They'll be able to remove it eventually, but Kaden will always have that part of his personality that will make him susceptible to being a snitch. He doesn't seem intelligent in this one, but he's actually quite the potion brewer.
Amanda is a bit quieter than the others, but her personality will be revealed more in the fourth novel. You'll learn a lot more about her background and family in that one. I've had a few people tell me that my descriptions aren't that great, so I'm glad you like them. I'm definitely more of a dialogue person, but I'm trying to balance it out.
Thanks so much for the lovely review!!! :) Report Review
Sarah, you know how much I love this series and although I've not reviewed individual chapters, I thought I ought to review the last one at least. After a few years I have finally managed to read this story again! It really is a fantastic story and I enjoyed it even more when I read it through this time!
The characters are so real and I love their personalities and the way you manage to tell their stories. Albus is probably my favourite, being the protagonist. I think you gave him a great personality of his own, and Rose too. I read a lot of next gen where Al and Rose have stereotypical personalities of being very similar to their parents. In your story, Rose is very studious but she is also willing to have fun and even takes the blame for the boys a few times too (which I love). Albus is caring and kind and quite different to James who loves to be centre of attention.
I have a soft spot for Matt too, though. I liked the way you strongly hinted to the reader about his condition, but let the hints build up for the characters until eventually Rose figured it out. I really feel sorry for Matt and for what he has had to go through. Even though Amy was only present for a few scenes throughout the story, I quickly understood how much she cared for Matt and protected him. I can't imagine what she must have gone through, having her family turned upside down but I look forward to reading your stories about her.
I guessed pretty soon that it was Washburn who was performing legilimency on the Potters. I think it was during Al and James' detention when James felt all funny. I didn't expect Willinson (Sr & Jr) to be working with him though. I wonder if this plot of theirs to reunite the Hallows will continue throughout all the novels. It would be very interesting if it did.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the novels and keeping up with your WIP this time. I'm sure the next few years won't be uneventful at all for Albus. :D
-SophiaAuthor's Response: Sophia! Thank you so much for all of the lovely long reviews! You are awesome. :) I'm so glad you enjoyed this story.
I tried really hard not to give Al and Rose the same personalities as their parents. I'm glad you think I did it well! I like to think that Rose is a good mix of both Hermione and Ron. As for Albus, he's a bit more timid than either of his parents. Al is more like Harry and James is more like Ginny, I think.
Matt is one of my favorite characters. Amy is my absolute favorite. I'm glad you liked that I strongly hinted to the reader about Matt's condition. I've had a few people tell me I should have made it less obvious. But it was only obvious to the reader because we all know Remus's story. Albus and his friends only knew a little bit, so it took them longer.
Yeah, it was fairly obvious that it was Washburn, but the boys took a little longer to figure that out. The plot to reunite the Hallows continues through the third novel.
Again, thank you so much for the lovely review!!! You are amazing! :) Report Review
I was listening to the Story Seekers podcast episode #18 where this story was featured and I was so intrigued, I had to come and read it. It's such a beautifully written story. You've managed to write Snape in character so well and describe his feelings towards this student brilliantly. Even though this story was made up of relevant snippets from her seven years at Hogwarts, I felt as though I could tell what the rest of her years consisted of. You described it so well!
And the twist at the end finished off such a wonderfully original idea! I honestly didn't see it coming and you wrote it with such heartfelt emotion, I was moved.
-Sophia Report Review
Aww! This was a beautifully written story. So sweet!
I really felt Teddy's anger and pain when he was talking about his parents and how alone he was. And Victoire was courageous to go after him like that and pursue what she wanted.
A perfect portrayal of their first kiss. :)
-Sophia Report Review
LORREN! I'm so glad you're posting stories again! ^_^
The way you told the story was brilliant and your writing style shone through. It was humorous and interesting and just like a fairytale, especially the ending for the wicked witch. It's a shame the witch had to waste her talents making a potion to get rid of the villagers, really.
I also like some of the words/phrases you chose to use, like "as she ferociously grabbed the chickens". They add to the effect of the story. Being pecked to death sounds funny and ridiculous but you made it a little ominous too. Haha, I love the title, clever play on words! :P
You better not wait another year and a half to post your next story. Keep writing and keep posting! I'll be waiting. :D
-SophiaAuthor's Response: YAY ^_^
I'm glad it reads like a fairytale... it is kind of meant to be one :D
I analysed stories from Tales of Beedle the Bard IN DETAIL before writing this. Fo' srs. Sily coursework, but hey! Fanfiction for coursework isn't bad, right? Ehehehe, so glad you like the title! ^_^
I'll try to keep a shorter time frame between posting stories next time :) I have one I'm writing now... I may be done with it in a few months hahahaha! I do love you. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing ^_^
Lorren x. Report Review
Oh gosh! This is such a beautiful story. I love how much effort you've gone into with the description. I feel as if I've learnt a lot about Molly and her emotions just from 700 words, most of them describing her surroundings.
This is the first story on this account so I assume it is your first HP fanfiction piece. If so, well done and keep writing! :)Author's Response: Hello there,
Thanks for that lovely review; I'm sorry for taking so long to respond. I much appreciate your encouragement, you've certainly encouraged me to continue writing. It is my first piece, but I think I shall write some more, this is quite fun!
Thanks, and have a lovely day :D Report Review
What a brilliant story of Lily and Severus in the afterlife! I was drawn in straight from the first line and I had to keep reading.
I think you wrote Snape really well. You adapted his adult personality and characteristics cleverly so that they suited his ten year old self. His acceptance of his death was prompt and he didn't make a fuss. Exactly what I'd expect from him.
I've got to admit, I didn't realise it was the afterlife until about half way through. You built that up with the descriptions and imagery; it sort of just crept up on me.
I wouldn't have really noticed the ending being a bit rushed if you hadn't mentioned it, but when I read it again I can see where you might be able to add a little more if you wanted to. You've written a beautiful story here for someone who's not written anything in a year. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you so much, Sophia. This is such a nice review. I can't say I love the way this piece turned out but it did work to get me writing again so I can't fault it there. And I am really glad to hear you thought Snape was adapted well and that the setting was subtly introduced. Thanks again for the review. I really appreciate it. Report Review
Peter Sinclair with a fluffy robe?! Lol, who would've thought it :P He reminds me of my own father quite a bit (the close-mindedness and conformity part). I've never read about a character quite like that and it's a bit weird, really.
Aww! Reuben is such a cute character! I love how you wrote their first kiss; made my heart melt! I know Anne doesn't like him in that way at the moment but I do hope she'll give him a chance at some point. He seems to really love her.
'Romance, mystery, friendship, and some humour', huh? This is definitely my kinda story!! I'm going to keep an eye out for updates. :D
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw) Report Review
What a character Anne is! I can relate to her not wanting to finish books but at a lesser extent. I mean, I do read the last page eventually, I just don't want the story to end. :P She doesn't seem very peculiar at the moment, but that's something I'll look out for in later chapters.
Anne's father's attitude to books and literature is similar to that of Matilda's father in the book by Roald Dahl. He seems a very severe man, perhaps with a scientific mind and opposite personality to his daughter.
I like your style of writing, particularly where I've learnt a lot about Anne, her family and her friends from reading her thoughts and actions, rather than you simply stating it in the chapter.
Effective first line... and last line. They fit together really well, and I'm curious as to what you've got planned for this story.
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw) Report Review
I love the idea of this chapter. The Weasleys playing Harry Potter games is something I've never really thought of, but definitely something that young children in the wizarding world would do.
I did feel sorry for Ron when Fred and George left him to play on his own. Ginny is no good to play with; she's a girl! :P But Ron's suggestion to his mum to let him live at his home is so adorable! I love that Molly's suggestion that he'll probably meet Harry at Hogwarts turns out to be truer than they ever would have thought. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked the idea of this chapter. It kind of popped into my head as a result of something I had written in my first ever fanfic. Also, it's based a little on my own experiences playing super heroes as a kid :P
Thanks so much for your reviews! Report Review
Awww, I love stories about the Weasley children when they were very young. Arthur telling his son a bedtime story (instead of Molly) makes for such a cute fic and to top it off, it was Harry's story!
Molly's part where she insisted on an abridged version is spot on. Not that Arthur would tell his son the completely truthful story. And ickle Ronnie thought he was talking about bridges which was great. That line kept Ron in character excellently. The abridged version was perfect. You managed to keep the story the same, but simplified it down enough for a four year old to listen to. Voldemort was scary enough to be the baddie in the story, but not enough to scare Ron.
Ron's thoughtfulness shone through when he asked what had happened to Harry after defeating You-Know-Who. To me, that just shows what a great character and personality Ron has. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I'm so glad that you liked this story, especially the bridge-less abridged version of Harry's story.
Ron may have a lot of flaws, but he's got a good heart. And he's an adorable four year old :P
Thanks again for reading and for leaving a review :) Report Review
Interesting pairing. Not one I would have ever had thought of, but I think you made it work quite well. You've written Theo differently to how most Slytherins were shown in the books. I've not read many stories where Theodore is a main character, but it's refreshing to see your different portrayal of a Slytherin. :) Hannah is also a character I don't read much about so thank you for opening my eyes to the different pairing possibilites in the HP world.
I would have liked to see a bit more emotion or depth of thought from either Hannah or Theo. Perhaps more about what the rest of the school would think of them going to the ball together or how they really feel about each other. I just think it would give an edge to the story.
Small spelling mistake here: 'Filch looked positively gleeful at the thought of ruining there[their] Friday night.'Author's Response: Sophia!
Thanks so much for the review!!!
Haha almost every single review I've gotten for this has commented on the pairing choice I made. I don't even know why I choose those two characters, I could have easily chosen a different Slytherin or a different Hufflepuff. But I think what makes this story is the pairing. Without Hannah and Theo this wouldn't have been as likable (I think that's the word I want...) as it is.
This was never meant to be an emotional fic, it was just meant as a passing thing that happened early in their relationship. I do have a sequel planned that delves deeper into the emotional side of their relationship, while also having a darker side.
There and Their have been the bane of my writing career since the dawn of time. When it comes time for an update I'll be sure to change that.
Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
This is a different take on Percy's character than I usually read. Here, many years after the end of the war, I can see he's become wiser, and more relaxed. It's lovely to see a Percy that can joke with his family in a way we never saw in the books. I also think it's quite reasonable that he can't wait for his kids to go off to school and for the house to be empty. Peace and quiet at last. :P
'"Are you blackmailing me?"
"No," he said simply, "I am adjusting your attitude."'
That line is brilliant!! :D Made me laugh a lot! Percy is quite the joker, isn't he! There are several lines in this one-shot which shows off Percy's sarcastic and humorous side which I love.
Percy is most definitely an underwritten character, but I like your version of him a lot. If you write more stories with him as a MC, I'll check them out. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you, Sophia! Percy is one of my favorite characters - I see a lot more to him than most readers see from how he's portrayed in canon, and I love writing him and bringing more depth and levity to his character.
That line was one of my favorites in this fic as well. Such a dry, fatherly thing to say, I think. I like to think that Percy has become much better humored than he was in canon.
I've written a couple of other little drabbles about Percy, but other than that, my only big story featuring him is Irrational - however, I have a short story in the works that I've been meaning to write for months and am just trying to make sure it comes out the way I want it to. I'm pretty excited about it. Stay tuned. :-)
Thank you for your review!
Melanie Report Review
This is beautifully written, Tinny! I can feel the heart and emotion you put into this and it makes me want to cry. It isn't often that Poppy's childhood is written about with such clarity and depth and you provided the perfect reason for her becoming a Healer later on in her life.
Although you had all those flashbacks in there, I still thought it flowed well and provided us with interesting information about Poppy's childhood.
So, I'm guessing her father had some sort of progressive motor neurone disease that affected his mobility, is that right? Was this based on any particular real life disease or something you made up? Sorry for the questions; I love reading about medically related stories. They're always very interesting.
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw) Report Review
Aw, I love Teddy/Victoire stories, and I particularly like this one because it's told from Teddy's POV instead of the usual Victoire's.
I think you got Teddy spot on. As a young child, he didn't like girls, and I'll guess Victoire wouldn't have liked him either. ;) Teddy is so cute when he sees Vic on her birthday and goes all tongue tied and shy. And as he grew up, he fell more and more in love with Vic.
The twist was harsh and unexpected and I definitely didn't see it coming. But once I understood, I realised how much you'd hinted towards it throughout the story. Very clever. :) When Teddy realised the truth, I could feel his heart break. You made Victoire quite a shallow character which suited the story well too.
You've done a brilliant job on this story! :D
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: I get, not one, but two reviews! You're amazing! I didn't want this to be like a lot of the other Teddy/Victorie stories where they grow up together, but I do love the "love at first sight" type thing, so I'm glad that was conveyed! And I really tried to lead up to the twist at the end, and make it a surprise at the same time, so thanks so much! These reviews have really been amazing! Thank you!
-Naida Report Review
Naida, this is such a beautiful one-shot! I experienced a lot of emotions while reading this, too many emotions to explain in this review, but this is definitely a story to favourite.
You managed to get into Narcissa's head very well when you wrote this. She had, still has, the love for her older sister, despite everything that Bellatrix has turned into. The black metaphors are very fitting and well thought of.
Even with the numerous flashbacks in this story, it still flows. And those flashbacks provided a lot of insight into Narcissa and Bellatrix's childhood. It's rare to find a story that delves so deep into their relationship and even rarer to find a great one as yours.
I realise that this has basically been a squee review but I can't find anything to criticise. Not even a typo! :P Keep writing! I'm definitely going to be reading more of your work. :D
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Sophia-
You are too sweet! Really. Thank you so much for the review. I can feel the heat in my cheeks right now, and I'm grinning stupidly. This review really brightened my day! I'm so glad that everything came through in this. Thanks again! *hugs*
-Naida Report Review
Since you already know what I think of this chapter, my review probably won't be very long. I'm glad that you're writing a next-gen WIP and I hope you'll write it so it's distinguishable from other Albus/OC stories.
I have mixed feelings about the opening paragraph. I don't much like how you started with "My name is Scarlett McKellan.", but I like the determination and stubbornness in Scarlett's voice.
Throughout the chapter, I learnt quite a lot about both Scarlett and Tilly but it was mainly because you told it in the story. To get to that next level as a writer, try to show the reader some of your character's qualities in their actions or the way they speak, not just say it. I hope I explained that well enough, but you can always ask me to clarify it a bit more. :)
There were a few spelling mistakes and typos which I'm sure you'll correct soon; I just felt I had to point it out :P
Let me know when the next chapter is up. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
This was very enjoyable to read. Such a lovely fluffy piece for Easter. :)
I love your characterisation of all the Weasleys. From Molly's lack of surprise when Ron shows her his missing toe down to Ginny's whining, typical of a small child. You've brought a real sense of family to this story where everyone is willing to help each other out.
I particularly liked where Ron is devastatingly upset about having lost his toe. It reminds me of a child who has lost their favourite toy and even the prospect of getting a new one isn't enough to cheer them up. Cleverly written, Lorren. :) You've written the behaviour of all the children realistically and brought them to life.
I have to mention Fred and George, of course. I knew they must have had something to do with this, but it still made me laugh. :P
I found a tiny typo that you'll probably want to correct: '"Tell you what," said Arthur as he grabbed his son['s] shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.'
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: SOPHIA!!! Sorry about the late response!
I really enjoyed writing the Weasleys, so I'm glad you enjoyed reading my interpretation of them :D And of COURSE I'd write children well. I'm just a big one at heart ^_^
Thank you for pointing out that typo! I'll go check it out, thank ye very much :)
Lorren. Report Review
I've heard some good things about this fic, so I thought I'd check it out. :)
Aw! This is so sweet! You showed just how perfect those two are for each other. I never thought that Ron might have taken after his father in his interest in Muggle things, but I love how you made it work :)
The interaction between Ron and Hermione was lovely. It was nice to see some non-academic talk between them for once! Oh, and I LOVED the Spongebob and other TV references :D
I need to mention that you have to add a disclaimer for the 'For Dummies' series as they own that name. There is a topic in the Ask the Staff thread on the forums if you need more information. :)
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Mini review spree! :D
Oops, on the disclaimer. I'll fix that in the edit.
I'm glad you caught the SpongeBob reference! I actually wasn't sure if that happened in Britain but I threw it in there anyway :P Report Review
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