Just a quick note to say how much I'm enjoying this story. It's so well done, and all the characters are really likeable, and funny.
Looking forward to the next chapter :)Author's Response: Thanks for your review! Report Review
I reviewed the previous chapter, but it's always nice to get another one, so here you go.
I'm still really enjoying this story; Louis is a really good character, and because he's so underdone in fan-fiction there's no worry about him being cliched. Also like Dom and Victoire... I love scary Delacour-Weasleys.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter... :)Author's Response: Haha very true, very true. But also - it's just a really good way for the author to know if they're doing a good job. Keeping reviewers is something I think we all want to do :P
Thank you so much! He really is underdone isn't he? I hope he's not the only one who's not cliche - I'd like to at least thinkk I've done something new-ish with the rest of them. Haha I love them too, they're just so much fun to write.
Look for it in early December, that's pretty much the only thing I can promise =] Report Review
I didn't think this chapter was boring - I actually found his whole job thing interesting. Really like the story so far. I found the style a little difficult at first, but once I got into it it really worked. Update soon please :)Author's Response: You didn't? Really? Well I guess I'll be able to throw in a whole lot more job stuff then! It's a pretty different style hey? Thank you so much for sticking with it though, especially as you didn't much like it at first. The update is coming, almost finished actually ^^ Look out for it soon okay? Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
ok, firstly, I really like the story so far - I think it's brilliant. Really eager to find out what happens next.
Secondly - Faith and James. Well, unless James starts pining for her, he isn't mirroring his grandfather - unless you want him to pine for her? I don't know. Anyway, what if Faith, after a lot of ranting, actually sits down and works out a proper plan for revenge? She seems like the sort to do so, and I can't really see Lily 1.0 doing that...
Hope that helps :)Author's Response: Glad you like it.
Thanks for the reassurance! I don't think James will start pining over Faith - he's the type to pine melodramatically to start with, but it'd be a bit silly doing it over a Slytherin girl who wants to kill his face off. I was mostly just worried it'd look too much like it was going to be James/Lily v2.0, which isn't my plan. (Maybe he'll declare her his official nemesis or something.)
Faith actually is the sort to plot revenge. I'd temporarily forgotten that, thanks for reminding me *edits it into the plan* Report Review
a good start to the story, quite a gripping opening. well written, lots of description and the characters are realised quite well.
I think it would work well as a two part story, but not any longer than that. I also think you've got the teenage element of Draco's mind mixed quite well with the adult emotions and fear - especially with the petty hatred of Potter, and I like the idea of him keeping the scar
i hope that helps :)Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Considering I only have two parts to this story, I'm glad you agree that it's the right limit! Anyway, Draco is very interesting to write - not to mention challenging. It's hard to keep that teenage element when he is put into such an adult situation. Confusion seems to be the element of the day here for Draco. I can't help but feel bad for him, even if he is a jerk a lot of the time!
Tarimacar Report Review
I like it much better in Mildred's point of view; it gives the story more depth when you see her take on things. I also like how you fast forwarded to seventh year, as the story now looks set to have some interesting plotlines involving the marauders. The idea of Mildred being scared of Lily and her fish is quite funny, and is a good way of explaining why they wouldn't be friends, even though the other two girls are horrible.
I think the marauders so far are portrayed realistically - trust James not to notice that she's in their year. You've built up an interesting character in Mildred and I think her story could be a really clever one - although obviously nothing really momentous has happened yet. Hope that helps :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for the reviews!
Obviously, I'm just starting the story and the boring foundations needed to be set before the good stuff can come flowing!
There will be more of the fish and other things to come! Lol!
Thanks again! =D Report Review
this chapter had a lot more going on, and moved the plot on a bit. I'm quite interested to know why all the kids are avoiding her - it's obvious why the girls in her dorm are being bitchy, and I like the idea that the four boys, (clearly marauders) admiring her eating habits.
also, the gang of boys on the train were a nice touch - presumably they're going to come up again later and make trouble.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, the slow opening is one of my biggest worries, so I'm just hoping that everyone clicks onto the next chapter! =) Report Review
ok, so a good introductory couple of chapters, introducing the story and the main character well. I also like the flashback to Diagon Alley, that was really well done; it wasn't confusing at all. Plotwise, it's fine so far, but I'm wondering if the school would be allowed to just take people without their parents permission. I would think they might go, "if you don't, your daughter may accidentally blow you up." don't worry though, it still works as it is. onto the next chapters...Author's Response: Lol, good point! I can see how that idea will work too, I might go and change that. Thanks for the feedback! Report Review
Well, you kind of picked the wrong person to review this, as I too watch time travel movies obsessively, and what's more, have to explain them to my family, who don't always understand. "You're not thinking fourth dimensionally" is a regular cry in our house. That said, I think people will understand the story, as it's clearly written - and having the past bits in italics helps. I like the way it reveals itself gradually, and I completely didn't see the thing about her dying coming. Basically, I thought it was really good - and coming form a staunch R/Hr shipper, that' saying something. Hope that helped :)Author's Response: Thanks a bunch! I was worried that people would get confused when I got into the part about Ron seeing Kendra die when he was 19 then growing up and going back and not recognizing her. "You're not thinking fourth dimensionally," is something my dad likes to say too. :) Report Review
well, you asked if the explanation seemed to ordinary? I liked how it connected with the bits in the previous chapters, and it was interesting - but I didn't really see why it was significant at that point - I mean, it was a bit random of her father to have called her home, and then told her to go off for a bit. and I think her reaction to them having lied about the Infidel thing was a bit extreme, as she could have found out whenever she wanted to, and they don't really seem to gain anything by lying. That said, it's a good, interesting story, with some interesting characters (I like the father and uncle, form what little we've seen, and generally the Valmonts seem like fascinating people), and I think this story has a lot of potential.Author's Response: Vichance had to talk with Drogan so that's why he told her to go off... As you may have noticed, Blair doesn't have a very close relationship with her father so... ^^
The Infidels thing...that was just a story about the Valmont family and Blair never gave it much thought, but when the opportunity arose, she just asked the question. And I don't think it was too extreme...finding out that your family isn't what you thought it was and that the stories that were told about your family and respect you got from it...all a lie? Well, to me, that doesn't seem too extreme...But I dunno, different people, different opinions and I appreciate other people's opinions :)
Thanks for reviewing :D, it's really important to get feedback from people so I can improve my writing and my stories :] .
~ Kristina Report Review
well, I found this chapter much easier to read than the second chapter, which was interesting, but a little difficult - I think you possibly need to look at breaking up your sentences in that a bit more, and using semi colons and stuff. I see what you mean about the relationship happening a bit fast - I liked how it was hinted at in this chapter, with the eavesdropping thing, but I think you need a few more clues that he likes her in the earlier chapter, as it otherwise seems a bit out of the blue. However, if it's not the main focus, it shouldn't matter too much. Clearly the rings are significant and connected to the end bit, which is interesting, if a tiny bit confusing, because of having to suddenly make the switch to the different story. I'm also intrigued by this wetboy thing, and I like the idea of her family being assassins that stay neutral.Author's Response: That pesky second chapter wasn't beta'd... *sniff*
So that's the reason why it's so...awkward? ehh...Never mind.
Well, the ring thing is just a small connection between the "present" and the "past", so that the reader knows what the rings mean in the "past". lol, that may be confusing o.O
~ Kristina Report Review
good opening chapter - it gets you interested in the characters almost immediately, and I like Blair's character - she seems to be a selfish, typical Slytherin, but not inherently evil - I think the idea of her just not caring about the muggle issues is very clever, as in many stories, people are divided into blood traitors or death eaters. One interesting point; the summary gives the impression that it's going to be from Regulus' point of view, which confused me a little right at the start, although it became clear early on that she was a girl. good characterisation so far, and I like the banter between the characters. the italics at the end are also very intriguing. so, onto the next chapters...Author's Response: Ahh, I should probably change the summary o.O ... I just have to think of sth that's good. The summary that's there at the time seemed appropriate (I wanted to write from Reg's POV but my plot bunny totally changed so...hehe)
Yeah, Blair is just a Slytherin. They're not by default evil but she's...disturbed? Slightly. I mean, I want her to seem disturbed, though that's visible in the next chapters... :)
~ Kristina Report Review
haha. I do Jedi mind tricks on my brother. And he actually listens! It's such fun. Go star wars/harry potterAuthor's Response: Haha, I wish I could do Jedi mind tricks on my brother, it would be SO useful. Actually, I wish I could do Jedi mind tricks on A LOT of people . . . Report Review
ok, I just finished this story, and I think it's brilliant. Well written (apart from of typo things, but we're all guilty of that), really funny, and the different points of view, which in a shorter story would have made it a bit choppy, really just added a whole other dimension to it. I will shortly be moving on with the sequel and parallel stories, which I'm sure will be just as good as this one.
One question, just because I'm an irritating pedant, you know the word "to lose" as in to misplace, or to not win? Well, you kind of spelt it with two o's the whole way through the story, is that how you spell is where you are. (I hesitate to say America, though you're clearly not British). Only cos here, loose means "not tight".
But yeah, other than that, 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you! I never tire of hearing good things. :)
Ah, yes. 'Lose' is spelled with only 'o'. That would be a typo on my part because 'loose' also means 'not tight' here. (In America, you were right. :)) Report Review
I like this story - it's well written and I'm quite interested to know what happens next. I do think it needs to move a little bit faster though - but there are some really clever moments, like the narrator's aside comments, and I love the thing about Sirius persuading the Ravenclaws that it's a sequel to Hogwarts: A HistoryAuthor's Response: Thank you for the lovely comment! Yes, the plot does need to be moved along a bit... I think that's why I've got problems with chapter 10 (which probably won't be posted for a while, because I just can't get it to agree with me).
I'm glad you like the narrator's comments! And the sequel to "Hogwarts: a History" is from the "List of Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts". I thought it was funny, and I liked how it had to do with LOTR, so I put it in there. :) Besides, don't you think Sirius would do something like that? Report Review
I really really love this story (and it's prequel). It's so well written, and the characters are really convincing. I also like Molly's inner struggle with her reputation - instead of just being perfect and completely fine with giving up social standing. I also love the twins, and the whole weasley family, which are so similar, and yet so different, from the next generation.
"It's Christmas," said Mrs. Weasley. "Christmas is a time for family love. You may kill him tomorrow."
please keep writing :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's nice to hear that I did the characters all right. The Prewetts seemed to be rather better-respected among purebloods than the Weasleys, so I thought Molly might have had to deal with some reservations about that. It's fun to write this generation of Weasleys while I'm also writing "Just Another Midnight Run" because the two time periods are so different, and the Weasleys have matured through two generations, so there's a lot of differences, but it's still the same core, kwim? Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
brilliant. I loved it. really clever and well written. :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D Report Review
it's good want to hear haryys side of the story / or find out how ginny died.Author's Response: Glad you like it - you'll find out near the end what went down with her dying =[ Keep reading! Report Review
This is a really brilliant story. It's really well written, and very addictive - I can't wait to know what happens next. Hermione's a little different from the one we come to know in the books, but you're explanation of her being perceived differently because they didn't know her as long kind of helps to cover that anyway. I also really like the way Peter is a proper member of their group, bantering with the rest of them, as too often you find stories when he's just pushed to the side and ignored. The bits between Hermione and Snape are really clever too, and the idea of Remus sensing people's emotions.
ok, favourite moment:
("So, do you now know the secret answer to everything?" James asked her with a tinge of jealousy in his voice when she met he and Sirius in the hallway outside the classroom.
"42," Hermione responded, almost on instinct. )
I do the same thing the whole time - although you said in your author's note that that doesn't occur till the third book, and it's definitely in the first, as well as being in episode 2 or 3 of the radio series. sorry for being such a pedant, I just really like Hitchhiker's Guide...
anyway, please update soon... Report Review
I really like this story, it's so clever and well written. I love the way Victoire isn't Fleur Mk. II, like she is in so many other stories, and putting Scorpius into the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office is a brilliant idea. I can't wait to see what happens nextAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! I really didn't want Victoire to be like her mom. Besides, I see Weasley genes as being extremely dominant ;) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Gosh, it's all so dramatic! I can't wait to find out what happens next. This is another really brilliant story, with really funny characters - I especially like Rebecca, and this murder mystery is getting really exciting. I'd quite like to see some more of P.U.S.S and the marauders though...
please update soon :)Author's Response: Thanks very much for the review! I'm really glad that you liked the story. Rebecca is one of my favourite characters to write- I'm quite attached to her. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not going to be updating for a while. I'm going to finish my other fanfiction, first, and then I'm going to edit this one to make it canon. Just a few names, nothing about the plot. Thank you very much for reviewing, though. I appreciate it! Report Review
This story is absolutely hysterical, I've been laughing so much. And it's such an original way of looking at lily and her friends - you never really see a story when she isn't perfect. I do feel a bit sorry for Alice though - I don't think she'll not bring down the others - at least she'll carry on with destroying the claw, um... I think there might be some potential for her to be friends with Mary or Alice, maybe...Author's Response: Thank you very, very much for the review! I'm glad you like the story. I'm trying to be as original as I can with the story, though it is a bit of a cliche idea. You know, the whole concept of a freak/nerd/geek bringing down a bunch of mean, popular girls. And I was trying to make you feel a bit bad for Alice- I'm glad it worked, to some extent. The next chapter is nearly done- it took longer than I thought, since I've been busy- and it should hopefully be up today or tomorrow. I'm trying to get it up today, though. Thank you again for the spectacular review! I really appreciate it. Report Review
I actually came close to crying. So well written, and so believable. 10/10Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
I read the other version of this chapter, not realising I wasn't supposed to, but this one is a little bit clearer. That said, I love this story. It's really clever, and well written - with very convincing OC's. I'd love to know why Hugo's been ostracised from his family... there are so many different mysteries, it's almost hard to keep up. It reminds me a lot of the mummy and indiana jones - two of my favourite films. Anyway, please continue :)Author's Response: Yes, I'd realized after I put up version 1 of the chapter that it wasn't going to segue very well into chapter eight, and that wouldn't do. Clever! *blush* Thank you - and I'm very happy you like my OCs. As for Hugo ... hehehe. Shan't say a word. Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely review. I'm so happy you like it. ^^
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
i really enjoyed this story. i think it's very clever and funny, and also quite believable Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection