Hiya! Here I am again, reading and reviewing another chapter of your wonderful story!
The beginning made me chuckle, I immediately recognized myself in Gwen, it was lovely. Yay, I loved this chapter! Actually, I did saw that one coming, but I'm thrilled they finally broke up. Even though it did went a little fast and easy, I enjoyed it immensely.
I really want Gwen to end up with James! They'd be great together, but I think I already said that like a million times. I think your characterization is still great and improving, and I like where the plot's heading. You're doing such a great job on this story. I've never liked an OC story before, so yay!
Keep it up! xD
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Aww, I'm glad you like my story so much (:
I've tried to make Gwen as real and relatable as possible so I'm glad to see it's working!
And the fact that you've never liked an OC story before is such an incredible compliment! So thank you so much for that! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll like the rest of the story too! (: Report Review
Hiya, it's me again, well I think you know me by know. Here we go!
I hate to say this but.. Kat! She's awful! Please, just.. make her leave. She's such an annoying person and she's ruining James/Gwen's relationship! I just can't stand her ugh..
I really like your OC characters, they all seem so well developed. It's like I can actually relate to Gwen- she should really get over James, poor girl.
I especially like where the story is heading, so keep it up! And of course, you're always free to re-request again. I don't say this to be polite, I say this because I honestly love to read and review your story. :) I may not be very helpful with criticism and such, but well, I can't find anything negative lol!
You go girl!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Haha, yeah she is, isn't she d: I'm glad you think she's awful because that means I'm doing a good job on her character (x
Yey for character development!
Aww, thanks. I really love your reviews, they make me smile and feel even better about my chapters, so of course they are helpful!
Thank you so much! Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums again, with another review!
I really like reading your story, it's nice to see how with each passing chapter, the story and characters are developing. I think you're doing a great job thus far.
The descriptions at the beginning of this chapter were magnificent, as usual. It pulled me in immediately; it was beautiful.
I still love reading from Gwen's point of view. She's such a lovely, developed character. Usually, I tend to dislike fanfics with an OC as a main character, but your character actually fits in the story. She's real, believable and well written.
The 'because size doesn't matter' line made me laugh so hard. It was a funny scene. Overall, I think you did a great job on this chapter, as usual. Well done! =)
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review!
I'm glad you like and you think it's developing! That's what I'm trying to do after all (:
Yey, I'm so happy that you like her, even though she's an OC! It just tells me that I'm doing a good job on her!
Thank you so much! I re-requested already d: Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Let's get started!
First of all, I must admit I've never read a Lavender story before, maybe it's because of my dislike for the character, but well.. I can't help but liking this one-shot very, very much! It was intriguing, thrilling and amazing to read. It's always good to read a story from a minor character. I also liked your OC, he was very believable.
The way you used descriptions- it was magnificent. I could almost feel her pain, it was really sad. The flow of the story was really good. I didn't feel like you rushed it; not at all, it feels to me like you took the time to write every little scene properly.
Overall, an amazing one-shot. I've never read anything like this before, and I absolutely loved it! Well done.
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Hello! :)
Want to know a secret? I despised Lavender throughout every book. :P I'm not exactly sure how my character even came to know Lavender and how the reasons why she was the way she was in Hogwarts came from - this one-shot really did write itself and now I find that I love Post-Hogwarts Lavender. :D
I'm glad that I could make you change your opinion on her and that you think I made this believable!
Thank you so much for your kind review - it helped. :)
xx Report Review
Hiya, it's Livingfairytale again. Thanks for re-requesting, your story is brilliant and lovely to read. Let's get started again!
Yay! I love reading Quidditch scenes! I find it very hard to write them myself, but I think you did a lovely job on it. It was very enjoyable to read about the try outs, even though Keira got hurt.
I still find it very funny to read from Keira's point of view. She's such an intriguing, outspoken character. I also like how you write Lily, she's exactly how I imagined her to be! Good job on that!
And, again, I can't wait until there will be some Keira/Sirius action! They would be really cute together. I still like Henry though, but I think Sirius would be much better for her. Please keep it up, and feel free to re-request again of course, if you update another chapter. You're doing great thus far, and i'm curious to read more!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: I'm defiantly adding another chapter! It's no where near done. It's some epic saga in my head! I finished ch6 the other night, and it's with my beta atm, to go in the queue as soon as they are done with it. :)
I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story, and i'm thrilled that you like Henry, even though you're a Keira/Sirius shipper (which I am more than okay with! :P)
I'm glad you liked Lily. I've worked really hard to try and get her right, so i'm happy to hear that it's working.
Thanks again for the wonderful review, and i'll be sure to re-request when the next chapter is up.
- Adele :) x Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Here we go!
First of all, I don't read a lot of OC stories, so bear with me lol. I like how you started off in the midst of a scene. It tends to pull me in very easily, and it was pleasant to start with some dialogue, instead of a lot of description. You did a good job on that.
As I already said, you started in the midst of a scene, without introducing the characters first. I liked it, but I felt like you needed to introduce the characters a little more. Like, how do they look and such. A little more background information. Nevertheless, I liked your OC character Lynette, she seems like a lovely, outspoken character.
I really like the mood of this chapter. You used the right amount of suspense without giving away the whole plot. I feel like the plot is running smoothly forward. It didn't go too fast or too slow, the flow was simply perfect. Well done.
I think dialogues are definitely your strongest point, they are lovely to read, and very intriguing; believable and real. The way you use description is also pretty good, even though some parts could use a little more, like at the beginning when you introduce your characters.
I really liked this chapter. I like this thing between Lynette and Nate; her being a witch, and him being a normal muggle teenager. And I'm very curious if Daniel will find out she's a witch, or how she will tell him, eventually. You're doing great thus far. Please feel free to re-request anytime you want. Keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Descriptions are not one of my strongest suites. It's great that I am doing better job at it right now than before.
You think my dialogues sees real and believable? Thanks a lot. It really means a lot.
Finally, it's great that you liked the relationships between my characters. I am not very good at developing plots and everything. Hopefully, I will be able to work on my plot properly this time.
Thank you! Your review was extremely helpful. :D Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Yay, a one-shot, I absolutely love one-shots! Let's get started.
Wow, the way you started out; it was really intriguing. Those first few lines really got me into the story, forcing me to read on. The words you use are really powerful and realistic. It was very pleasant to read.
Your OC character Geraldine seems like a strong, outspoken person, which is really good. I loved reading from her point of view, and reading her thoughts. She's a lovely OC, you did an amazing job on her. Barry, on the other hand.. well, I'm not really fond of him lol. He seems very believable as a character, but I just don't like the way he acted; he sounded like such a jerk. I also think you did a great job on Geraldine's sister Madeleine. She was naive and selfish, but exactly how a 15 year old would react, wonderfully done.
A very touchy, lovely one-shot to read. Everything seemed right, every word carefully chosen. The descriptions were lovely, and so were the dialogues. You did an wonderful job on this one-shot, and it was very enjoyable to read. Well done!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: I responded to this! I really did, but now it suddenly showed again on my unanswered reviews page... that's odd.
Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it. I was nervous, since it's my very first one-shot ever and I didn't know if I managed to do a good job (:
Haha, I'm making you love OC's! Mission accomplished! d: But I'm glad you thought that about my characters, because that's how they were portrayed to be!
Thanks again (:
Hi! It's Livingfairytale again. Yay, another chapter, let's get started!
First of all, yay to introducing Henry! I'm really interested in their relationship, it seems there's some tension going on there. The way you started off with this chapter was brilliant, as usual. I really like reading this story. I feel like we're getting to know Keira a little more, with each passing chapter, and I really like that.
The story seems to flow nicely forward. I like the whole Sirius thing, I think Keira and he would be a lovely couple!
Overall, another great chapter! I'm sorry my reviews aren't that long, it's just that I'm really enjoying reading your story, and I don't find any negative thing to say. Please keep up the great work, you're doing an amazing job thus far!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Ah, I love your reviews. You always touch on some great points.
Yeah, Keira and Henry are really great, but even i'm itching to write some Keira/Sirius action. Shame it won't be for a while yet (although that would explain why Chapter 20 is written, yet not Chapter 7! Curse my luck, haha.)
I'm really hoping to establish her character but hopefully you'll find more plot in the next chapter, and even more in the chapter that I'm currently having beta'd before it goes in the queue (bit nervous about that one... :S)
Thanks again for the review, and i'll certainly re-request.
- Adele :) Report Review
Hi! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Let's get started!
First impression: So, basically I don't read a lot of next-gen stories. It's not that I dislike them very much, but I find it difficult to relate with characters we know so little about, if you know what I mean. Nevertheless, I must admit that this prologue really intrigued me.
Characterization & Plot: I think you did a really good job on the characterization. I usually avoid stories written from second point of view, because most of the time they are poorly written; but this was beautiful! It didn't bother me at all, even though using 'you' and 'she' was sometimes a little confusing. You created the right amount of suspense, without giving too much of the plot away, well done! I really want to know what happens next. And what is this potion all about? I'm way too curious!
Plot flow: It seems to me, you have the plot looking the way you want it to. It's flowing nicely, smoothly, without boring the reader.
Overall: I think you did an amazing job on this prologue! It got me curious to read more. Please feel free to re-request anytime you want! You're a great writer, keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Haha, I know what you mean! I don't tend to read Hogwarts-era myself, so I totally get that ;) I'm glad it intrigued you, though, even if it isn't something you normally read!
I've actually never written anything in second person before - this was my first shot - so it was a pretty new experience for me. I used 'you' and 'she' to hopefully try and avoid confusion (sorry that it didn't completely work out! :D) and to try and separate the characterisation. Haha, I can't give anything away just yet ;) Sorry!
Ah, I'm so glad you think it's flowing nicely - I was so worried when I went back over it for the first time that it would be too slow or not enough to keep people interested! I am more relieved than you can imagine at the moment!
Thank you so much for this really lovely review!
Aph xx Report Review
Hiya! That was a lovely first chapter! I really like Regulus as a character, and I think he's a little under-appreciated. So when I saw your status update, I just had to see what kind of story it was.
Your descriptions were lovely, and so was the way you wrote Regulus, even though we know so little about him. I like the fact that he's a married man, never read a Regulus story with him being married. My favourite sentence is: She was his only harbour in the sea of darkness, it was lovely.
I'm also very curious how exactly he survived. I hope you will explain further on. I only had one little question: why can he only visit once a year? (this made me think of pirates of the caribbean, if you know what I mean lol). I mean- I know he's in hiding, but can't he visit more often spread over the year?
Overall I think you did an amazing job, Hope you update soon! Keep it up =)
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review. I'm thrilled that you liked the story. I have also not seen him married before, I think, but I think it could have happened. The things you wonder about will be explained later. Thank you very much. :) Report Review
Hi! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. I'm sorry you had to wait for like, a week, but I was really busy. But now i'm here! So let's get started.
I've never read a Hermione/Blaise story before, so I was really curious to read your story. I wasn't sure if they would actually fit together, but I think you just made me believe that they can be a good couple!
I like the way how you describe things, it pulls me in as a reader, very impressing. The flow of the story was excellent, and the length didn't bother me at all; it was just the right amount of information, and it was lovely. Your characterization was strong, and the use of language was effective, and enjoyable to read.
Overall, a wonderful oneshot! I might even look for other Blaise/Hermione stories, I think I actually like this ship. Thanks for giving me such a good read!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review! I honestly wasn't expecting one this soon! :) I'm glad the length didn't bother you, that was what I was worried about the most when I first started writing it! It just kept getting longer and longer and when I went back over it there was just nothing I wanted to cut out! :) Thanks again, I really appreciate your review! :) Report Review
Hi! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. I'm sorry for letting you wait, but I had a really busy week. But now I'm here, let's get started!
First impression: I must admit that i'm a huge Snape/Lily shipper, so I was glad you requested this story. I like how you started off: the descriptions were beautiful and they pulled me into the story right away. I absolutely love the part when Lily says: "This is as real as you make it." Well done!
Characterization: What can I say? The characterization was spot on. Perfectly written, and they didn't seem out of place. I loved reading from Severus point of view, since you captured his character perfectly. And the last sentence, well, it was breathtaking!
Overall: I've enjoyed this very, very much. Thanks for giving me such a lovely read!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Hey, I'm sorry for the extremely late response. The end of the semester got really busy for me and I've been away from responding to reviews and writing for a while.
I'm really happy you liked the descriptions. I really wanted to get that flare back that I feel I used to have and lost when I took a couple years off from writing, so this was sort of an exercise in that. Glad it seems to have paid off! The whole line you pulled out about it being as real as you make it ties back into the original back stories to this fic, but it's nice that you pointed it out because it's definitely a big theme in the afterlife - that it's strange, confusing and some times things happen you can't explain, but in the end, your experience is what you make of it. You could live your entire existence in pain, burdened by the guilt of your past, or you can choose to move on, to embrace forgiveness in all its forms and find happiness forever. That's what I like about writing this, I think.
I was a little nervous writing Snape for the first time, so thank you for reassuring me that everything read well for you.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thank YOU for such a lovely review! :) Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale again, from the forums. I'm sorry for letting you wait, I had a busy week. But now, let's get started!
Another amazing chapter! I really like where the story is heading. It's running smoothly, and it pulls me in over and over again. You are doing such a great job! The characters are still very believable, even though I dislike Kat lol.
The end of this chapter was very sad, but also really touchy. I liked it very much. I'm curious about the next chapter, and finding out a little more about Gwen's dad.
Overall, a lovely chapter! Keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Heey, don't worry about it. I don't mind waiting (:
Thanks. I really try to work on my characters a lot so it's nice to here such comments about them (:
Glad you liked it. I'm always nervous about writing sad scenes, never that sure if I can get all the emotion there that I want but nice to hear it's working (:
thanks, I will d: Report Review
Hi! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. I'm sorry it took me so long to leave you a review, but now i'm here, so let's get started!
Wowsers, that was pretty long. I'm afraid my review will not be as long as your chapter lol. The length- it didn't disturb me that much. It was a long read, but it went smoothly, and it was nice to read. The characters seemed very believable to me. I like how you wrote Severus, he was very well written.
The way you describe things is magnificent, I think you created the right amount of suspense to this chapter, it was absolutely lovely to read.
Overall, an amazing first chapter! Long, but thrilling and fun to read. This is the start of a great story. Keep it up!
- LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you SO MUCH for coming by to review! Yes, I know the chapter is insanely long O_o. In my last story, they were in much more reasonable chunks. However, this time around I felt like I just had too much info to give in Avrille's POV before I felt comfortable switching to Severus. So I'm really glad to know that even though it was long, it didn't bother you.
Thanks a million for the feedback. No worries about the review length. I mean, are you kidding me? I'm just so grateful you are offering reviews. That's so generous of you to do. I did it in the past, and know how much work it is. This length of review is more than enough for me :) I seem to be getting the same sort of reaction to this chapter as yours, so that's great. It's nice to get a few reviews from different people to see a sense of consistency, you know?
I'm glad you liked my version of Severus. He's very slightly non-canon, given how I had to change his past a bit in the previous book to fit *that* plot, but I always still hope he's believable. I mean, he's still Snape, not an OC, so I'm very concerned with getting his characterization right.
Thank you again, so very much, for your review! It was incredibly helpful! ~Renny Report Review
Hi! Tagged! I've never read a story with Percy/Audrey as a main pairing, so I was quite curious to read this one-shot. I always like reading stories with minor characters; they are under-appreciated if you ask me.
This is really cute, and even a little sad. The way you use descriptions is very good, very realistic. My favourite line was, of course "Did you know people who meet at an airport are 75% more likely to fall in love". It's really funny lol, letting Audrey say something random like that.
The characters seem very in place and well written. Overall, I really liked reading this! Well done!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Yay I love being tagged!! Ariellem got me thinking about this ship and yes, I completely agree that there such an underloved ship!
Thank you! I swear I've read that statistic somewhere before and it just fitted perfectly with my story :) Haha
Jaz, x Report Review
Hi! I've always wanted to read a story like this, and now I finally stumbled across it, yay. I think Neville's parents are a little under-appreciated, but they were able to defy Voldemort three times! So I'm glad I found this story.
Anyway, i'm drifting off- that was an awesome start! The first sentence just pulled me in immediately, it was so intense. The way you used description was magnificent, and the characters felt so real! It was like I was actually there. You also wrote Voldemort very, very well. I always find it difficult to write him, but you did it perfectly.
My favourite part was when Alice got tortured, yes it was incredibly sad, but so wonderfully written! I could almost feel her pain. I also liked the part when Alice returned home very much. I just have one little question; what did Alice do at Azkaban all on her own? I didn't quite get that. I know she's an Auror, but she's pregnant right?
I think you did an amazing job on this first chapter, and I can't wait until you update again.
Keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Oh, this review has made my day! Thank you so so much! You've really made me smile. I'm glad you like my description and characterisation, they are so hard to get right so I'm really pleased when I do manage it! I loved writing Voldemort, surprisingly, I just really enjoyed finding the best ways to get inside the reader's head. I'm thinking of doing something similar in another one shot. I'm glad you thought the torture was good, I was very unsure on how to write it because I wanted to convey this very raw emotion but also the physical pain, and the way Alice's mind reacts to it. I wanted to almost have you believing that the Cruciatus curse has a different effect on different people, and maybe wondering how you would feel and what you would be thinking about.
To answer your question, Alice is pregnant, but she is still at work, and that's why she is at Azkaban. I'm not entirely sure what she's been doing but she has been there because of work. At the moment, she's about five months pregnant. So you can see that she is and it is affecting the way she moves and lives, but she is not far along enough to be on maternity leave. I hope that helps you understand.
Also, just to clear things up, this is a one-shot, so there wasn't going to be any other chapters. I am thinking of doing a short story about Alice and Frank though, which would go side by side with this, so do look out for it!
Thanks again for reviewing, I'm so grateful! Report Review
Hi! That was absolutely lovely!
Even though I don't read next-gen very often, I really enjoyed reading this one shot. It was beautifully written and it just.. pulled me in from the first sentence and didn't let go of me until I reached the end. It was absolutely wonderful to read.
The way you used descriptions was magnificent, I could almost feel it. The details were so lovely. The characters were also very much alive, almost real. Overall I think you did an amazing job on this one-shot!
Well done!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really pleased you liked it - I worked really hard on the details in this and your comments have made my day :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hi! That was a wonderful first chapter! I really loved the way you started off, it pulled me in immediately. I must admit that I usually don't read next gen, but lately I do enjoy it. (And with Remus Lupin being one of my favourite characters, I simply had to read this story lol) But this, this was absolutely enjoyable to read! The way you used description was very good.
It started off very emotional, which I liked. It was drawing me in as a reader, not letting me go. I really liked how you described the relationship between Louis and Teddy, it was lovely. I've never read any slash story, because I thought I'd feel uncomfortable with it, but I must say I actually like reading this pairing.
Overall I enjoyed this chapter very much, even though it was very emotional. Well done! Hope you'll update soon!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: I love Next-Gen because of the freedom you have with writing it. Oh, Remus is my favorite, too! Remus, James and Regulus. :D
Thank you so much for reviewing this story, it means so much to me. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Sam. Report Review
Wow. That was absolutely beautiful. I loved every single bit of it. There was so much emotion going on, and it was wonderful to read Alice's thoughts. I always wondered if she was aware of what was happening around her and her husband. You've done an amazing job on this one-shot, well done! I enjoyed it very, very much!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you so, so much! I'm very glad that you liked it, and I truly appreciate the review :)
The romantic and optimist in me would like to say that, yes, Alice and Frank do realize (vaguely, like when you know you've been dreaming and can't remember about what) what's going on around them. She did give him many gum wrappers and little 'gifts,' after all.
Del<3 Report Review
Hiya! I love Snape/Lily one-shots so I simply had to read & review. That was beautiful! I love reading stories from Severus' point of view, he's such an amazing and interesting character, and I wish we knew more about him.
The way you used descriptions was magnificent! You've done an amazing job on this one shot. It pulled me in from the first line, and didn't let me go until I reached the end; which I found very sad. It was so beautiful, I wished it was a little longer. Overall, I enjoyed it very much! Well done!Author's Response: Yay Snape/Lily! I always felt that their relationship was beautiful though it disintegrated in their Hogwarts years so I at least wanted to capture that moment of beauty before it had faded.
Thank you for making me smile with this!
xChar Report Review
Hiya! As a huge Dramione shipper, I just had to read and review lol. First I was like- what the.. but then, the time turner, it made me laugh so hard! I really like where the story's heading. It was a little short, though. Maybe you should add a little more description to make it more pleasant to read? Don't get me wrong- I really like this chapter, but I felt like it needed more description.
Anyways, that was a great and hilarious start. I'm still giggling right now. Please update soon! Can't wait to read more. I already added it to my favourites. :)
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!! Promise I'm working on the description; it's not my strong point. I'm glad it made you laugh too! I'm actually working on chapter two right now so, hopefully it should be up soon and thanks so much for adding it to your favourites that means a lot!! Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with another review!
I really like where this story is heading. I think you're doing a really great job on your OC Gwen; she's a nice developed character, and it's lovely to read from her point of view.
I liked this chapter even better than I liked the previous ones, even though I enjoy them all thus far. The length of the chapters don't bother me anymore, it's actually nice to read such long chapters. It draws me in as a reader, and it won't let me go until I reach the end of the chapter, which is lovely!
I really loved the fight! It was harsh and intense, but wonderfully written. And yay to more dialogue! Like I already said; you are improving with each passing chapter. The plot is running smoothly forward, which I very like. Overall, another great chapter!
Keep up the great work! =)
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Hey! thanks again for another great review!
I'm glad you like Gwen! I've tried to develop her character a lot, so it's nice to hear it's working!
And awesome that you think my chapters are getting better! That's always nice to hear. And that the length doesn't bother you anymore! Especially in this one, since it's a really long chapter!
Glad youu liked the fight too. I felt like I rushed it a bit, but I'm glad if it's working the way it is!
Thank you for your kind words! I'll be sure to re-request once again (: Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. I'm really excited to read & review your story (Dramione! yay!) so let's get started!
The way you started off was magnificent. I really liked the letter, and I immediately understood where it was all about. It gave me a clear idea from whose point of view I was reading, and what was happening. Wonderfully done!
The characterization was spot on! I loved the way you wrote Hermione, and added in some new quirks. I can definitely see her character change a little, especially after Ron's death. I also liked Ginny (I actually hate her in the books lol), you've written them both very good.
Overall, a very good chapter to start with. I'm a huge Dramione shipper, I mean opposites attract right? Please do feel free to re-request anytime you want. I absolutely love your story thus far and I'm so curious what happened to Ron. Keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Hey sorry for the long wait on this response.
I like that you think the way I started was good. I was a bit worried with starting it off with a letter, sometimes that can get a bit... cliche.
I'm also glad you like my Hermione. I've said it before, and I'll continue to say it.. Females aren't my strong point so it is always good to hear good things about them. Don't worry, I hate Ginny in the books too.
Thanks for coming by!
Brittanique Report Review
Hiya, it's Livingfairytale from the forums, with another requested review! =)
I find it very interesting to read this story. The plot is running smoothly forwards, making it interesting to read. There's so much depth, so much description, and yay more dialogue! Still a lot of description, but it didn't bother me that much, it was pleasant to read and less distracting than the first chapter. Overall, you're improving with each passing chapter! I can't wait to read the third chapter lol.
My favourite part was the duelling range. I mean- wow! That was very original, haven't read anything similar, and it was so much fun read. Your characters are developing nicely, and I can actually empathize with them (which I find very difficult, since they are OC's, but they are very well written!)
I'm sorry, I really don't have anything negative to say lol. I can only say this; please continue writing, you're talented!
Please feel free to re-request again, I really like reading & reviewing your story. Enjoy your day. =)
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Heey! Thank you again for such a nice AND speedy review!
I'm glad you like my story! And think it was better than the previous one as it was less distracting! Yey for me d:
Aww, thanks. I really like the idea too. I was wondering what the wizards could have that equalled with a gym and the idea just popped in my head.
Haha, yey! I'm turning another person into liking OC's. I feel very accomplished once again (x
Thank you again, you're review made me smile (:
And already re-requested. Report Review
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review, so let's go!
I thought this was a really nice beginning of a story, I enjoyed it very much, even though next gen isn't my cup of tea. Your first line was magnificent and very catchy, it immediately pulled me into the story. So English isn't your native language as wel heh? Mine either, but I think you did a very good job!
Your main character sounds fun, and well developed, although she does sound a little Mary-sueish to me. Nevertheless, it was lovely to read from her point of view. Also, the way you describe things, it's absolutely amazing, I think you're really talented, seriously! Normally, i'm easily distracted, especially when it comes to reading long chapters, so I was actually I little distracted while reading this chapter. I think it has something to do with the fact that this chapter had so little dialogue, especially at the beginning. Don't get me wrong, I love descriptions, but I think this chapter needed a little less descriptions and a little more dialogue.
Besides that, I really did enjoy reading this chapter. You did a wonderful job on it. Please do continue, and feel free to re-request any time.
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you for such a nice and helpful review!
The 'Mary-Sue-ishness' is one of my concerns in this chapter. Gwen does have her flaws, but they don't come across in this one yet. But I'm glad if it only sounds a little like that.
Yeah, there's quite a little dialogue in this one, but it gets better in the future chapters so hopefully you'll be less distracted then (:
Thank you for all the lovely comments, I'm glad you like my descriptions and characters.
Definitely re-requesting since this was so helpful, in fact I already did d:
Thanks again! Report Review
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