Reading Reviews From Member: LivingFairytale
  
87 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Luck in the Few: Part II

1st September 2015:
Hi blackballet! Are you getting sick and tired of me yet? Lol. Chapter 8 already, it's going so fast! Let's get started.

First Impression & Characterization:
They really are young and reckless, right? I love the way you wrote Dumbledore, he's exactly how I imagined him to act in a situation like this and you portrayed him very realistically. One of the things I like most about his character, is that he remains calm at all times, regardless of the situation.

You are also doing a great job on the other characters, they are all spot on. The only person I'm missing, is Mary. She's not in the Order right? But where exactly is she? Will she be back soon? I feel very sorry for Lily. She's such a lovely character and I hope she'll be alright! And of course, Mr. Potter. I hope he's gonna be alright too.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
The plot is progressing nicely, but the only thing I regretted, was that we did not read this chapter from James' point of view. You wrote the previous chapter from James' point of view, so I kind of expected to move on from his perspective. I would have loved to see how he'd fought the death eaters off, along with his father. I think that would've created a much more exciting situation.

Ohh.. another cliffhanger. I can't wait to read more! (Voldy! Got to love the bad guys..) Anyway, you did an amazing job (again!), so keep up the great work!!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Never sick of you!

Yes they are young. YES they are reckless. I like writing different characters, because all this teen angst can get monotonous if I don't break it up.

Thanks again, I love my characters. Mary is gone but not forgotten. She will be back in a big way soon. Lily will have her moments in the coming chapters with the reveal of her pregnancy!

I get where you're coming from. I definitely have to stop writing from Marlene's perspective! It switches back to a general view in the next chapter, and there is definitely more Death Eater fighting then!

I can't wait to re-request and here more from you!

blackballet


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Review #2, by LivingFairytaleGrey Fire: At Malfoy Manor

1st September 2015:
Hi Kapa! It's LivingFairytale again, from the forums. Ready for another review?

First Impression & Characterization:
I really liked the way you started off with Ginny dressing up for the party at Malfoy Manor and Nerys picking her up. Nerys seems to be a bit of an arrogant, unpleasant person (especially the part where she talks about her 'pureblood family'), but I guess that's your intention.

Astoria Malfoy not drinking any alcohol and going early to bed... Is that a hint? Could she be pregnant? Interesting! I still think the characterization of both characters are spot on! They are absolutely pleasant to read.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
You shouldn't be worrying about the plot, because I think it's running nice and smoothly. Personally, I would expand the chapters a little bit more, maybe by adding some more dialogue. Your writing style is very pleasant, but you tend to use a lot of description. So, to maintain the balance, you could consider adding some more dialogue.

Uh-oh.. A drunken Ginny and a mischievous Draco.. I'm very curious how that'll work out. Overall, I think you did a great job, well done! Keep it up!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: I'm always ready for another review from you! : )

Ginny definitely 'show her colours' with how she dresses herself to the party, doesn't she? : P I'm happy that you think it worked well to start the chapter with this kind of preparation. I think I wanted Nerys to be an example of how Ginny isn't friends with all of her team mates just because they play Quidditch together. I don't think Nerys is a bad person per se, but she's definitely not 'friend material' for Ginny, heh.

Aaah, yes, something is definitely up with Astoria, good catch! And it's great that you think my characterisations are still pleasant to read! : )

I definitely agree that the chapters need to be expanded upon more! In the re-write I'm aiming for all chapters to be at least over 2000 words long. And I also agree that this chapter could use more dialogue, though you'll find that the next chapter is actually quite dialogue heavy! But as a general rule, I should definitely let my characters talk to each other more! I find dialogue difficult to write, and in the second chapter I actually deleted a long chunk of dialogue between Ginny and Hannah Abbott that I want to add back in the re-write... I'll have to challenge myself a little!

Yes, this is definitely a set up for some 'unexpected developments' to happen, haha! Thank you for this review, and I hope you like the next chapter as well!

/Kapa


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Review #3, by LivingFairytaleEqual Measure Good and Bad: Musings

1st September 2015:
Hi Mr. Penn, it' LivingFairytale again, ready with another review, so let's get started right away!

First Impression & Characterization:
Have I already mentioned how strong your writing skills are? I absolutely love how you keep the balance between dialogue and description. Starting off with Draco was a great idea. I like how his character is developing throughout the chapters. He definitely is a fascinating character and I'd never imagined him as a Healer before, which I think is great. Even though he seems to be on the 'good side' now, there's still a little 'dark' in him.

Ron must be one of my favourite characters in your story. His character seems to be spot-on. A lot of writers tend to write him as some stupid, dumb character with a low self-esteem, so it was actually refreshing to see how you portrayed him. I think he can really come in handy with this whole Stonehenge curse.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
I find it very interesting to see, how you weave JK Rowling's original story into yours, especially the part with Godric's Hollow; that was absolutely brilliant! Also, Harry keeping the resurrection stone was very touching.

And then.. Draco meeting Goyle.. I wasn't surprised to see that Goyle is still as rude as ever, what a scumbag! Trying to use Sectumsempra on Draco.. I wonder whether there was another reason for Goyle to invite him, besides trying to get him back on the wrong path. Something tells me we're gonna see him again somewhere throughout the story.

Anyway, I like where your story is going. It's running nice and smoothly, making me even more curious. Keep up the great work!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thanks LivingFairytale for an amazing review and also for your effusive praise. *blushes*

Both Draco and Ron are my favorite characters. It's surprising considering that when I had originally planned the story, I was not a Ron fan and was resigned to having bad things happen to him. But the more you actually think about him, the harder it gets to dislike him. :)

The Peverells, while not central to my story, are nevertheless going to prove to be a vital part. The next two chapters shall explain it better. As for Goyle, let me quote Ron (if I am not mistaken) - Poisonous toadstools never change their spots.

Thanks again for the review LivingFairytale. I shall surely come back for more.


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Review #4, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Luck in the Few: Part I

1st September 2015:
Hi blackballet! It's LivingFairytale again. Chapter 7 already, let's get started!

First Impression & Characterization:
I have to say, I really like your opening sentences. It doesn't take me much time to get back into the story again, which is absolutely great. When you are dealing with a story with multiple chapters, it can actually be quite difficult to keep the reader's attention, but you don't seem to have trouble with that at all. The opening scene with James and Lily trying to produce a Patronus was very enjoyable to read, especially the part where Lily got mad!

I really was at the edge of my seat at the point where Moody & James got into his parents' house. You've created this ominous mood, which I like very much. The only thing I didn't like, was Moody leaving James alone. I'm not sure if he'd actually leave him out there on his own, but on the other hand, it does make sense for him to summon the other members. But why didn't he just send a Patronus to the other members of the Order? It is, after all, one of the methods Dumbledore created to communicate amongst each other.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
I really liked this chapter. It's got the right amount of tension to keep the reader's attention. The plot is still running smoothly. I don't like such cliffhangers, though.. I'm way too curious for this lol. Anyway, keep up the great work, you are doing an amazing job!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Hi nice to hear from you again!

I loved the scene between Lily and James, too. I love innocent Jily!

I always thought that Moody would be James' mentor so I love their banter here. I do understand where you're coming from, but the Order that I created has somewhat of a council, as you saw with Dumbledore. They all need approval from each other before doing anything basically. It needs this for the next coming chapters, too.

After this chapter, it gets a little hectic, and there's a minor cliffhanger, but nothing too bad I don't think.

Can't wait to request again!

blackballet


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Review #5, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Miscommunication in the Many

28th August 2015:
Hi, it's me again! Let's start!

First Impression & Characterization:
Remus and Marlene doing desk work together. I like that, especially when you added the 'Full Moon' thing. A lot of people forget, when writing Remus, that he is a Werewolf. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for them to be together, they would make a cute couple after all.

So Lily has to keep a secret now.. I wonder if she can keep her mouth shut. And uh-oh.. Sirius isn't sending his Patronus for nothing, I guess. I really wonder what is going on! It must have something to do with the Potter Mansion on the 26th of January, right?

The characterization of all the characters is magnificent. I couldn't spot any flaws!

Flow/Pace/Plot:
So, you said this chapter flips around a lot, which I can't deny. It doesn't bother me though. I think you made those flips very clear by adding the date at the top. Personally, I would add not only the date, but also where they are at that very moment. For instance: Australia, Thursday, January 22nd, 1979 or something like that.

This was actually a quite interesting chapter. I like where the plot is heading thus far. So far, it progresses quite fast, but that's not per se a bad thing at all. Overall, you did a fantastic job again, well done! Keep it up!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: I can't can't can't wait for Marlene to realize Remus' feelings for her! And yes. Unfortunately, Remus still has to be a werewolf.

Lily and secrets...can she do it? Was it right for them to trust her, or will she tell James everything? Who knows.

Okay that makes sense. I don't have any more chapters like this for a while, but I'll do that in the future!

I'm so happy you like how this is all progressing! See you soon!

blackballet


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Review #6, by LivingFairytaleEqual Measure Good and Bad: Hearts are broken, Lives go on

28th August 2015:
Hi Mr. Penn! It's LivingFairytale from the forums again with another review!

First Impression & Characterization:
I loved how you started off with Harry and Ginny having a romantic moment together. I've never been much of a Harry/Ginny shipper (I was very disappointed when Harry ended up with Ginny, instead of Hermione lol), but you did an awesome job on that little part.

It's funny to see such a big difference between Harry and Draco. I like Draco's cocky personality, it suits him very well. Although he has become more of a 'good guy', he still got his arrogant behavior. Some things just won't change! Goyle is trying to contact Draco again; very interesting, I'm curious how that'll turn out.

The little part with Ginny was very touching. Her having nightmares about the past is very realistic actually, I've never thought about that before.

You did a great job on writing Ron! He always sounded a little insecure to me, and that's exactly how you portrayed him. And yay, Dr. Brady is back. I wonder what he's got to do with this whole Stonehenge. George has disappeared? Interesting plot twist as well! It must have something to do with this Stonehenge right? Oh, you made me too curious!

Flow/Pace/Plot:
The plot is still progressing nicely. You are not rushing anything, which is great (more to read!). I like how you alternated with a more romantic chapter, instead of an action scene. It proves that you are capable of writing not only dark, action parts, but also romantic stories. Well done! Overall, you did an excellent job. You are dealing with quite a few different subjects here and as much as I like to read stories containing a lot of action, it also needs a little variety, which is exactly what you did here.

Feel free to re-quest and keep it up! x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thanks LivingFairytale for such an amazing and prompt response to my review request.

One thing that I have always wondered is how would married life suit the Trio and Draco. In this chapter, I have tried to put my own perspective to this question I have always had.

Draco has surely changed for the better but somethings never change and at the end of the day, he is surely a Slytherin and a Malfoy.

Originally, Ron was my tragic hero in this story. But it seems I have grown fond of him with time. Bah...

Once more, thanks for this amazing review. :* I shall surely come for more.


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Review #7, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Alarm in the Actuality

27th August 2015:
Hi, it's LivingFairytale again! Ready for another review? Christmas, I love Christmas! I know it's only August, but I just started to sing 'Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer' out loud lol.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
I like how the story starts off with them spending Christmas together. I found it surprising that Mary was present, too, nice! I was a little confused though; why did Sirius take Marlene to the hospital? I mean- Remus was already taking care of her, right? Why didn't he take her? I liked how you involved Samantha as well. I don't trust Peter though, I'm sure he has something to do with this! The only point of criticism being the pace of this chapter. I think it all went very fast.. a little bit too fast for my taste. Especially the part where Sirius left with Marlene. Personally, I would add some more description or maybe some dialogue.

Characterization:
Just like the previous chapters, you did a good job with the characterization. You have captured them all very well. I become to like Marlene more with each passing chapter; her character becomes more interesting. Hopefully, she will turn out fine. Remus staying with Marlene was great.

Overall:
Overall, another great chapter! I absolutely like how the story is progressing thus far. I am hungry for more!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: The story does move rather quickly from August to December already! But on the actual chapter moving too quickly, I agree. Sirius leaves with Marlene because of their relationship. Basically, Sirius and Marlene fight a lot, but a very close. It's complicated.

I will definitely edit this chapter!

Yes, Marlene gets a lot more depth throughout the novel. And Remus also gets deeper than just pining after Marlene, I promise!

Thanks so much for your review, and I'll definitely re-request.

blackballet


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Review #8, by LivingFairytaleEqual Measure Good and Bad: The Curse of the Stonehenge

27th August 2015:
Hi Mr. Penn! It's LivingFairytale from the forums with your requested review. Let's get started.

First Impression:
The first impression, often tells enough about the rest of the story. Which is why I took a look at your summary and banner. I find the eerie banner very intriguing and makes me instantly curious to read. The summary is short but concise, so I think you did a good job on that, well done!

Flow/Pace/Plot:
The most important thing about writing is getting the reader into the right mood, which is exactly what the first few sentences of this chapter did. You really kept my attention from the first sentence until the very last, wonderful! Adding a non-magical character to open the story was a great move. I'm curious about the curse and how it continues to unfold. You shouldn't be worrying about the pace of this chapter. Even though it did go a little fast, it didn't feel rushed to me at all.

Overall:
Overall, you honestly did a fantastic job. You have a great and very interesting plot here! I think the characters were spot-on, and I also liked Draco as a Healer, how unexpected! I am convinced people actually can change, even Draco Malfoy. I'm very curious about his development. Please feel free to re-request any time you want. I'd love to read more of it. Thanks for the read and keep up the great work!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thank you LivingFairytale for this review. This was my first ever fanfic chapter and so I was worried if I had done it well enough to draw the reader in. So glad you liked it.

Thanks.


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Review #9, by LivingFairytaleHey Little Train: Let's Dance

27th August 2015:
Hi MadiMalfoy! It's LivingFairytale from the forums with your requested review. I just turned on the track 'Hey Little Train' to get in the right mood, so let's get started lol!

First Impression:
First of all, I love the story banner, it's pretty and immediately attracts me to the story! I really like to read Harry/Hermione (I also think they should have ended up together, unfortunately Miss Rowling thought otherwise..)

Flow/Pace/Plot:
You said you are worried about the pace of the story, I guess I understand why you think that. The story is quite short (not that it bothers me though!) and maybe a little bit rushed at some point indeed. The whole dancing scene was wonderfully written, but I think you can get more out of the first part. Maybe you could add some more description or dialogue, or maybe a flashback to give the first part a little more depth too. I liked the fact that the story wasn't overly romantic. (Even though I'm a real Harry/Hermione shipper.) It's not something that suits them.

Characterization:
I like the way you portrayed Hermione. I think her character was spot-on and delightful to read; I could really feel her sadness! Overall, I think you did a great job on writing this one-shot. I very much enjoyed reading it, so thank you for requesting!

x LivingFairytale

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Review #10, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Pain in the Heart

26th August 2015:
Hi Blackballet! It's LivingFairytale again! Let's get started with chapter 4. I'm really excited!

First Impression & Characterization:
You asked me for an outside view regarding the characterization, so I'll focus on that. I really liked the way you started off with this chapter; Sirius and Marlene together, spying on the possible 'bad guys'. It pulled me into the story straight away, and it felt like I was actually right there with the characters, sharing their adventure. You are doing a really great job on writing Sirius and I even start to like Marlene a little bit more. She is starting to become an interesting character as well. You shouldn't be worrying about the characterization, as they are all spot on. I also like the way you write James, he sounds so sensible and mature already.

“Well, I'm sure we're going to encounter a snitch during an attack, so it's lucky we've got you James.” That sentence made me laugh out loud, well done! I'm glad you manage to bring in some humor as well. I felt sorry for Lily though, she must be so sad.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
Changing from point of view can be quite hard, but I think you did a phenomenal job on it. It was pleasant to read without it being confusing. I really like where the plot is heading, and I guess there will be quite some unexpected events in the upcoming chapters. Overall, you did a great job (again)! Keep it up!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: I'm so glad that Marlene is becoming more likable. She is stuck between being professional and still being a teenager. This scene introduces Marlene and Sirius as a pair, and their tense banter is a good set up for the future. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Oh Remus, ever so snarky.

And yes, Lily. She will become stronger as the story progresses. She just needs to have some suffering with a side of suffering first.

Thanks again for your review!


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Review #11, by LivingFairytaleGrey Fire: Party Preparations

26th August 2015:
Hi Kapa! It's LivingFairytale from the forums again! I'm excited to read and review chapter two, so let's get started right away!

First Impression:
Starting off with the letter was a great idea. The letter gave me a bit of a nauseous feeling in my stomach. It seems to me, the Malfoy's aren't doing it for charity reasons; they just want to be liked by the public!

Characterization:
Let's move on to characterization, as it was one of your main concerns. I liked the fact that Ginny chose a dress in the colours red and gold, that's really something that suits her and her character. I still think you are doing a great job on Ginny's character and personality traits. I really couldn't find any flaws.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
The plot is flowing smoothly thus far. It seems to me, you have a clear image of where you want the story to go, which is really good. The little 'jumps' in your story are pleasant to read and easy to follow as well. This chapter was a delight to read and kept me reading until the very last sentence.

Overall, I think you did a great job on this chapter (again!). I'm really looking forward to read & review more of your story, so don't hesitate to re-request! I'm also wondering what the reason behind Ginny & Harry's divorce is. Will we ever get to know?

Keep it up! x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this second review!

If you read on you might find that Astoria might actually be into this for at least partly charity reasons. Draco... maybe not so much, heh. And the letter is definitely phrased in a way that doesn't put the focus on the charity aspect exactly, so I'm glad you caught that. The reader is definitely supposed to question the Malfoys' motives at this point.

As for characterisation, I actually agree that Ginny is pretty well characterised in this chapter too. I think I remembered her as more flat than she actually is in the story. The problem here is less that she's a flat character and more that she doesn't have much to work with plot-wise, in my opinion (but I'm happy that you disagree!).

So yeah, I'm really not a fan of the plot in this chapter... This is actually one of the chapters that I'm the least happy with. I think it's a fair bit too short, and reading it over now to prepare to answer your review I feel it's way too rushed - nothing much seems to happen even though a lot of things actually happens - and I found a lot of language errors on my read through... but I'm still really happy that you like it. Hopefully I'll be able to add more content to it without it seeming like boring padding to the reader!

I /do/ have a clear image of where I want the story to go... which is probably why I rushed the story along a bit too much, haha! And I'm glad the 'jumps' work, because most, if not all, of them are staying.

You will get to know why Ginny and Harry broke up - I think it's in the last posted chapter but maybe I haven't written it yet. Anyway, it's definitely in the plans for the story and a bit of a plot point.

Now I'm off to request more reviews from you, yay!

/Kapa


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Review #12, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Chaos in the Order

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale again, ready to read and review another chapter! I'm loving this story already.

First impression:
Yay, the first sentence includes Alastor Moody. I think he is a very interesting character, so that's a great way to start off a new chapter. (It's a pity we don't know a lot about him though.) The way you started off was great. I liked the dialogue and Sirius' squabble (he really is in the midst of puberty, isn't he? At least something is bothering him..)

Flow/Pace/Plot:
So, I was right, Marlene is in love with Sirius, which is why she acted so strange around him. Even though I dislike her a little (I really can't tell why), I feel sorry for her. I think your plot is progressing nice and smoothly; Mary as Rita Skeeter's Head Assistant I definitely didn't see that one coming. The scene with Mr. Vance was very sad but also greatly written. I'm so curious about the mysterious man. Maybe she should have taken up with the Gryffindor's indeed, lol.

Overall:
That was another great chapter you wrote, well done! I couldn't find any flaws or grammar mistakes and it seems to me you have a great plot here. The last part really made me anxious for more! Keep up the great work.

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: He's definitely a huge authority figure for the kids in this story. You'll see him come back later, so I'm glad you like him.

Ah, Marlene. I can understand why you don't like her, because she can come off a bit as a Mary-Sue. She progresses maybe the most of any character though, so I hope you like her arc.

Mary is another mysterious character (let's face it, they all are) and she will develop, too. You will see her come back in a big way later in the series.

Thank you for your third review. I've re-requested, and am waiting anxiously for your input!

blackballet


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Review #13, by LivingFairytaleGrey Fire: An Unwelcome Invitation

25th August 2015:
First impression & Characterization:
First of all, I like your summary. It gives me a clear view on what to expect, in a positive way. The beginning of the chapter feels a bit rushed. I think you can easily prevent that by adding a little bit more detail and description. It didn't really bothered me though, because the rest of the chapter progressed nicely. Draco sounds a little cocky, which is exactly how I'd imagined him to be, nice!

You told me that you are a little bit concerned about Ginny's characterization, so I decided to focus on that. I couldn't find any flaws though. I think you portrayed her very nicely; she is still as fury as always, but also very polite and a little bit stubborn. You should definitely not worry about her being random!

Flow/Pace/Plot:
As I already said, I think the begin part felt a little bit rushed, but the rest of the chapter progressed very well. My favourite part must be the last part, when Draco comes up to meet Ginny. I had to get used to him calling her 'Ginevra' instead of 'Weasley' or something, but I think it suits his arrogant behavior. The last line made me giggle; I can definitely imagine Ginny saying that!

Overall, I think you did a very well job on this first chapter. Please feel free to re-request if you like, I'm curious to read more! Keep up the great work!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking your time to review this!

I am aware that the beginning is rushed, it is sadly the first thing most people notice. I'm afraid it doesn't really give people a good first impression, and it's one of the most pressing things to fix in this chapter. I'll move a few things about, too, and make Ginny's initial reaction to learning that Draco is sponsoring her team more dramatic. I'm happy that you think Ginny's characterisation works in this chapter - I'll make sure to not change it up too much in the re-write.

Hm, a thing I worry about is that the pace will be messed up if I expand upon the opening... The whole chapter is pretty much build up to the Draco encounter, so I don't want to have it overbalanced in the beginning... I'll try to keep the balance I have intact in the re-write, even if it means adding some bulk to the later parts too... The chapter will probably end up a looot longer, hm.

It's so great that you think Draco calling Ginny 'Ginevra' reads as a part of his arrogance, that's exactly what I was going for. And I'm really happy about that last line, it'll definitely stay in the re-write, haha! I'm very pleased that you think I did a job on this chapter, and I hope it'll be even better after the re-write.

/Kapa


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Review #14, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Beginning in the End

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale again, from the forums!
I'm so excited to read chapter two, so let's start right away!

First impression:
First of all, I really like the way you started off, with Mary being straight to the point and discussing her uncertainty about the Order. It already feels like they are forming a close group. Mentioning Alice and Frank was also a good idea, as I was already wondering where they were in the story. I think Remus comforting Mary was cute as well. (I secretly hope they will get romantically involved or something!) I seriously hope Mary will join the Order any way, fingers crossed!

Flow/Pace/Plot:
I had some trouble with the flow of this chapter (especially with the little flash-forwards), but I understand they are necessary for the further development of the story. However, I'd personally add a little more detail to those flash-forwards, to make it a little bit more understandable. The graduating scene was really great; Lily's characterization really is spot on. You asked me if I think there's something unnecessary: no, I don't think there is. You could have dropped the whole graduation scene, but to be honest, I liked that scene, even though I think it wasn't particularly necessary.

Overall:
Overall, I think you did an amazing job on this chapter. You kept me reading until the very last line, well done! I'm curious to read and review more of your story, so again: don't hesitate to ask for another review, I'd be delighted! Keep it up!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: I love reading your reviews! Okay time to respond.

I can tell you that Mary is going to have a sort of mixture of love interests. People you probably won't expect until it's said outright.

I think there is one flash forward in this chapter that I can edit out. As the story progresses, they become more lengthy and developed. And yes, the graduation is one of my favorites. I think of it as them leaving their youth behind.

I'm so happy you liked this too! I'm going back to request right now. I hope it's not too much Valour for one day.

blackballet


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Review #15, by LivingFairytaleA Wedding: A Wedding

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale from the forum with your requested review. Over 6.000 words, wow that's an impressive long chapter, so let's get started! :D

First impression:
A wedding, I love weddings! Unfortunately, Albus does not, lol. Personally, I would have split this chapter into two, since it can quickly become tedious and you might scare some readers away because of it. I don't think the chapter was boring at all, but a little long for my taste. The first part really made me laugh though, especially the part where Albus describes that his Grandma Molly turns into an inhuman beast during these kind of events. I feel so sorry for him!

Characterization:
I always find it hard to judge about characterization when it comes to the next-gen generation. We know so little about them (unfortunately). But the character's seem all well developed to me. It was also great to read about the friendship between the 3.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
One of the things that attracts me to this chapter, is your ability to describe things in the most funny, detailed way. The positive thing about adding a lot of details, is that you really suck the reader into the story. And that's exactly what you did here.

Overall:
I think it is a great start of an amazing story. Even though I'm not a big fan of next-generation stories, I definitely enjoyed reading yours. I can't wait to read what is about to happen next. (I'm ready for the disaster!) Please do feel free to re-request as soon as you have another chapter update. Keep up the great work!!

x LivingFairytale

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Review #16, by LivingFairytaleMy Lily: Always

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale from the forum with your requested review. I'm excited to read some Snily, so let's get started.

First impression:
Okay, I must admit: I'm a little bit prejudiced, since I love Lily/Snape (and James) so much, but I absolutely loved reading this first chapter. My favourite part was the kiss (obviously). The part where Lily explains about the kiss was really funny as well! And of course, the last sentence.. touching.

Characterization:
You asked for a look at the characterization, as you haven't written Snape before. I honestly think you are doing a good job on writing both Lily and Snape. Especially Snape was spot on. The thing I like most about Snape, is that he sounds very calm, nice and innocent: very childlike! You have captured the character's personalities very well.

One thing I spotted, was this sentence: “I'll always be your friend?” The question mark doesn't seem to fit the sentence, as he's not asking but stating it, I suppose. You should give a look at this sentence.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
The story has a good flow and the balance between the dialogue and the description is quite good as well. Even though the chapter was quite short, it didn't bother me at all. I actually can't find anything negative to say!

Overall:
Overall, you are doing a great job! Feel free to re-request (because I'd love to read & review more!). Keep up the great work!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thank you for pointing out that typo! It's hard to believe that, even after a read through, I can still miss things like that...

Your words about characterization and everything are very encouraging so thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this :)


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Review #17, by LivingFairytaleValour : The Doubt in the Strength

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale from the forum with your requested review. So let's get started.

First impression:
I really like the way you get the story started. It's a whole different way to introduce your characters, but I definitely like it. It pulled me into the story right away. Marlene as the 'other woman', that sounds very interesting and I'm dying to know more about her role in the Order. The characterization of Dumbledore is spot on, his dialogues are a delight to read.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
You asked for tips to make the story flow smoother. Well, honestly I don't think you really have to be concerned about the flow in this chapter. There is a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but it definitely fits the gloomy atmosphere you obviously want to create. One of my favourite parts of this chapter, was the part where they all started to look at each other. I felt really sorry for Mary, who didn't seem to understand the situation.

Overall:
Personally, I would like to see a little bit more description in this chapter (especially during Dumbledore's speech). How are the characters reacting? What kind of look are they wearing on their faces? But overall, I think you did a fantastic job, well done!

Please feel free to re-quest any time you want. I'm curious to know where the story is heading. :)

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm definitely going to request again.

I am feeling pretty comfortable with this chapter now, so I'm happy to have that reinforcement about the flow.

Now I just have to work on my description! That could probably be more developed throughout most of my writing.

Thanks for getting to this so soon!

blackballet



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Review #18, by LivingFairytaleSomething: Something

25th August 2015:
Oh my goodness, this just made me melt like a pat of butter. James and Lily are so adorable together. I think you have a beautiful, detailed manner of writing which really pulls the reader in. You also did very well with the characterization of the other Marauders. Well done! :)

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Thank you so much. What a lovely review!!

I love James and Lily, and wanted to do some lovely Jily fluff!! :p

I'm so happy you enjoyed it, and thanks so much again for reviewing! Xxx


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Review #19, by LivingFairytaleTrying not to love you: Chapter seven - New Year's Resolution

3rd April 2012:
Hiya! Here I am again, reading and reviewing another chapter of your wonderful story!

The beginning made me chuckle, I immediately recognized myself in Gwen, it was lovely. Yay, I loved this chapter! Actually, I did saw that one coming, but I'm thrilled they finally broke up. Even though it did went a little fast and easy, I enjoyed it immensely.

I really want Gwen to end up with James! They'd be great together, but I think I already said that like a million times. I think your characterization is still great and improving, and I like where the plot's heading. You're doing such a great job on this story. I've never liked an OC story before, so yay!

Keep it up! xD
x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Aww, I'm glad you like my story so much (:

I've tried to make Gwen as real and relatable as possible so I'm glad to see it's working!

And the fact that you've never liked an OC story before is such an incredible compliment! So thank you so much for that! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll like the rest of the story too! (:


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Review #20, by LivingFairytaleTrying not to love you: Chapter six - Erase Those Thoughts

30th March 2012:
Hiya, it's me again, well I think you know me by know. Here we go!

I hate to say this but.. Kat! She's awful! Please, just.. make her leave. She's such an annoying person and she's ruining James/Gwen's relationship! I just can't stand her ugh..

I really like your OC characters, they all seem so well developed. It's like I can actually relate to Gwen- she should really get over James, poor girl.

I especially like where the story is heading, so keep it up! And of course, you're always free to re-request again. I don't say this to be polite, I say this because I honestly love to read and review your story. :) I may not be very helpful with criticism and such, but well, I can't find anything negative lol!

You go girl!
x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Haha, yeah she is, isn't she d: I'm glad you think she's awful because that means I'm doing a good job on her character (x

Yey for character development!

Aww, thanks. I really love your reviews, they make me smile and feel even better about my chapters, so of course they are helpful!

Thank you so much!


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Review #21, by LivingFairytaleTrying not to love you: Chapter five - Great First Impression

30th March 2012:
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums again, with another review!

I really like reading your story, it's nice to see how with each passing chapter, the story and characters are developing. I think you're doing a great job thus far.

The descriptions at the beginning of this chapter were magnificent, as usual. It pulled me in immediately; it was beautiful.

I still love reading from Gwen's point of view. She's such a lovely, developed character. Usually, I tend to dislike fanfics with an OC as a main character, but your character actually fits in the story. She's real, believable and well written.

The 'because size doesn't matter' line made me laugh so hard. It was a funny scene. Overall, I think you did a great job on this chapter, as usual. Well done! =)

x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review!

I'm glad you like and you think it's developing! That's what I'm trying to do after all (:

Yey, I'm so happy that you like her, even though she's an OC! It just tells me that I'm doing a good job on her!

Thank you so much! I re-requested already d:


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Review #22, by LivingFairytalea tale of war: paul heyer: hope was the strength to die

30th March 2012:
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Let's get started!

First of all, I must admit I've never read a Lavender story before, maybe it's because of my dislike for the character, but well.. I can't help but liking this one-shot very, very much! It was intriguing, thrilling and amazing to read. It's always good to read a story from a minor character. I also liked your OC, he was very believable.

The way you used descriptions- it was magnificent. I could almost feel her pain, it was really sad. The flow of the story was really good. I didn't feel like you rushed it; not at all, it feels to me like you took the time to write every little scene properly.

Overall, an amazing one-shot. I've never read anything like this before, and I absolutely loved it! Well done.
x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Hello! :)
Want to know a secret? I despised Lavender throughout every book. :P I'm not exactly sure how my character even came to know Lavender and how the reasons why she was the way she was in Hogwarts came from - this one-shot really did write itself and now I find that I love Post-Hogwarts Lavender. :D

I'm glad that I could make you change your opinion on her and that you think I made this believable!

Thank you so much for your kind review - it helped. :)

xx


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Review #23, by LivingFairytaleTale of Lynette Carr: Home

30th March 2012:
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Here we go!

First Impression:
First of all, I don't read a lot of OC stories, so bear with me lol. I like how you started off in the midst of a scene. It tends to pull me in very easily, and it was pleasant to start with some dialogue, instead of a lot of description. You did a good job on that.

Characterization:
As I already said, you started in the midst of a scene, without introducing the characters first. I liked it, but I felt like you needed to introduce the characters a little more. Like, how do they look and such. A little more background information. Nevertheless, I liked your OC character Lynette, she seems like a lovely, outspoken character.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
I really like the mood of this chapter. You used the right amount of suspense without giving away the whole plot. I feel like the plot is running smoothly forward. It didn't go too fast or too slow, the flow was simply perfect. Well done.

Description/Dialogues:
I think dialogues are definitely your strongest point, they are lovely to read, and very intriguing; believable and real. The way you use description is also pretty good, even though some parts could use a little more, like at the beginning when you introduce your characters.

Overall:
I really liked this chapter. I like this thing between Lynette and Nate; her being a witch, and him being a normal muggle teenager. And I'm very curious if Daniel will find out she's a witch, or how she will tell him, eventually. You're doing great thus far. Please feel free to re-request anytime you want. Keep it up!

x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Descriptions are not one of my strongest suites. It's great that I am doing better job at it right now than before.

You think my dialogues sees real and believable? Thanks a lot. It really means a lot.

Finally, it's great that you liked the relationships between my characters. I am not very good at developing plots and everything. Hopefully, I will be able to work on my plot properly this time.

Thank you! Your review was extremely helpful. :D


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Review #24, by LivingFairytaleThe turning point of Geraldine Truss: The Need

30th March 2012:
Hiya! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Yay, a one-shot, I absolutely love one-shots! Let's get started.

First impression:
Wow, the way you started out; it was really intriguing. Those first few lines really got me into the story, forcing me to read on. The words you use are really powerful and realistic. It was very pleasant to read.

Characterization:
Your OC character Geraldine seems like a strong, outspoken person, which is really good. I loved reading from her point of view, and reading her thoughts. She's a lovely OC, you did an amazing job on her. Barry, on the other hand.. well, I'm not really fond of him lol. He seems very believable as a character, but I just don't like the way he acted; he sounded like such a jerk. I also think you did a great job on Geraldine's sister Madeleine. She was naive and selfish, but exactly how a 15 year old would react, wonderfully done.

Overall:
A very touchy, lovely one-shot to read. Everything seemed right, every word carefully chosen. The descriptions were lovely, and so were the dialogues. You did an wonderful job on this one-shot, and it was very enjoyable to read. Well done!

x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: I responded to this! I really did, but now it suddenly showed again on my unanswered reviews page... that's odd.

Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it. I was nervous, since it's my very first one-shot ever and I didn't know if I managed to do a good job (:

Haha, I'm making you love OC's! Mission accomplished! d: But I'm glad you thought that about my characters, because that's how they were portrayed to be!

Thanks again (:



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Review #25, by LivingFairytaleSeeing Double: Prologue

30th March 2012:
Hi! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Let's get started!

First impression: So, basically I don't read a lot of next-gen stories. It's not that I dislike them very much, but I find it difficult to relate with characters we know so little about, if you know what I mean. Nevertheless, I must admit that this prologue really intrigued me.

Characterization & Plot: I think you did a really good job on the characterization. I usually avoid stories written from second point of view, because most of the time they are poorly written; but this was beautiful! It didn't bother me at all, even though using 'you' and 'she' was sometimes a little confusing. You created the right amount of suspense, without giving too much of the plot away, well done! I really want to know what happens next. And what is this potion all about? I'm way too curious!

Plot flow: It seems to me, you have the plot looking the way you want it to. It's flowing nicely, smoothly, without boring the reader.

Overall: I think you did an amazing job on this prologue! It got me curious to read more. Please feel free to re-request anytime you want! You're a great writer, keep it up!

x Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Haha, I know what you mean! I don't tend to read Hogwarts-era myself, so I totally get that ;) I'm glad it intrigued you, though, even if it isn't something you normally read!

I've actually never written anything in second person before - this was my first shot - so it was a pretty new experience for me. I used 'you' and 'she' to hopefully try and avoid confusion (sorry that it didn't completely work out! :D) and to try and separate the characterisation. Haha, I can't give anything away just yet ;) Sorry!

Ah, I'm so glad you think it's flowing nicely - I was so worried when I went back over it for the first time that it would be too slow or not enough to keep people interested! I am more relieved than you can imagine at the moment!

Thank you so much for this really lovely review!
Aph xx


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