Reading Reviews From Member: AntigoneBlack
  
68 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AntigoneBlackWinning Lucius: Tower of Strength

18th August 2009:
Very interesting story. The idea that Hermione could help open up Lucius is something that I never expected, yet the way you wrote it made it very believable.

On a Grammar note:
“or more importantly, how much he loved him.”

“I’m sorry Draco. You deserved a better father, but I couldn’t ask for a better son.” His son’s expression turned to sorrow. “Once the festivities are done, I’ll leave. You have my word; I’ll not interfere in your lives.” Forgiveness seemed remote as Draco stared down quietly.

Because the same person is talking in two paragraphs, in the first you would not end with " considering the character continues to speak.

So this was a wonderful little piece, and I'm glad you sent it to me.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I did not know that about the grammar. I appreciate it and keep it in mind for all my future writings as well.

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Review #27, by AntigoneBlackWinning Lucius: Compassion: The Antitoxin of the Soul

18th August 2009:
Before I give my long review, I wanted to tell you something that many writers don't know.

At one month old, Draco's eye color would not have been grey yet. Eye color is something that is developed between 4-6 months. All babies are either born with dark blue or black eyes, and they get lighter as the baby gets older.

Author's Response: Thank you. I didn't know that. Adjustment forthcoming. I'll make baby Draco a little older.

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Review #28, by AntigoneBlackBecause she smiled: Because she smiled.

16th August 2009:
I loved that you took on a Regulus/OC but didn't make him all light and fluffy. He was real, and he felt the pain of what they were doing. I loved that.

I do think that one line was confusing. I am not sure if you wanted it this way or not. The line is: And for her, even though she won’t be able to enjoy it. For her memory, then. It doesn’t matter any more. Sirius – the locket – R.A.B. – Kreacher …" Even as I reread it, I wonder if it needs to be changed. I understand it the second time through, so don't pay me any attention.

The OC was interesting, even though we saw her only briefly. I think that it was a wonderful little ficlet, and you did well writing a gender switch piece. It's really not as hard as you'd think, you just have to have a go with it.

Author's Response: Hmm, that's a good point - I guess I kind of wanted to show the disheveled state of his thoughts with that line, but it does still sound a little choppy, doesn't it?

Thanks so much for the kind words, glad you liked it!


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Review #29, by AntigoneBlackCage: Finale

16th August 2009:
Holy. (I would cuss there, but it wouldn't be polite).

Wow. This is a little bit more then what I am used to. But I think that you wrote it very well. It was tragic. But well written. I like that you wanted to keep in the grammatical mistakes on purpose, although I did read a blog where you said that you never proofread... But I still like the message it gave off. Clyde doesn't need to bother with grammar rules, he's got a bunch of stuff to deal with.

I have to say that it was very believable, and I liked it, even though it's not my forte to read horror.

One thing that, if you ever revamped this, I would redo the death of Vandy, I was so confused about how exactly she died. Was it from the glass? Or just exhaustion?

Wonderful, Wonderful.
Antigone.

Author's Response: XD

Thank you! I knew it was a stretch asking you to read this because you don't like harsh violence, but I'm so glad you liked it.

I didn't really read this over before I posted it on the archive, but the grammatical mistakes were purposeful. I mean, when I was writing it up the first time, I put incorrect grammar in on the first shot. =)

Vandy died from a little bit of both. Her mind was unraveling from the beginning and by the time she got out the window, she was just spent.

Thank you so much!


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Review #30, by AntigoneBlackSirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire: Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

14th August 2009:
I thought it was a cute little humour piece. Humour is totally out of my realm, so I think that it's awesome. Especially when Sirius did the barrel roll and hit a wall.

What I think could really make this piece POP would be a little more description. You and I are alike that way, we let the characters tell us where to go with the story. That ends up leading to too much dialogue and not enough description. I think if you revamped this piece and gave us the 5 senses of some of the funny moments would make them even funnier.

Good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I really appreciate your constructive criticism, and I'll definitely reread to see what I can add in. :D

I'm glad that you liked it; it was so difficult to write something "funny."

Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #31, by AntigoneBlackA Beautiful Disaster: Tension

14th August 2009:
Your writing is very developed, and I can tell that your not new to fanfiction. I think it's interesting that you gave us more children of death eaters to be at school at the same time as Draco. Because all we are really given in the books is Crabbe and Goyle. So I like that you made some yourself.

I didn't notice anything grammar wise, so kudos there.

Constructively speaking, I think that maybe you have to many OCs. Having more then one or two makes for hard writing because you have to create full, round characters. So I hope that you aren't in over your head. So far I think that your Veronica and Bella are both forming personas, so I think you should open us up to others you have created.

Author's Response: Thank you!

I can understand where you're coming from with the OCs. I think one reason I may have put so many in there is because I would hate to write any of the major canon characters out of character, but I still need enough characters to develop a good story. I do appreciate your concern, though, and I will remember to give the reader a good view of every character.

Thank you for the wonderful review! :]


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Review #32, by AntigoneBlackLiquid Flames: The Second Tale: Chapter Two

13th August 2009:
I am glad you made a sequel, I must say. I am really enjoying it, probably because you have already packed it full of drama and it's only the second chapter. There's no fluff with you, and I love that.

Lyra's depression is very believable. I don't know what I would do if I accidentally killed someone, but not wanting to live would probably be on the list of possible emotions.

I'm very curious at the little cliffhanger you left here. I like that you don't fall under the pressure and give us everything. Some fanfiction readers are very impatient and demand all the information at once. And so us writers sometimes give it to them. You don't fall under that pressure and keep us guessing, which is awesome.

Is there anyway that you could go back into this chapter and get rid of the huge spaces in between paragraphs? It makes the story a tad bit harder to read when you have to scroll every ten seconds.

I'm off to read some more.

Author's Response: I'll definitely fix the spacing. I've finally learned how!! Haha, thank you for the wonderful review. And no peer pressure - exactly! Haha, thanks for the great reviews! I'm sure I'll talk to you more at the forums!

~K


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Review #33, by AntigoneBlackA Birthright Denied: A Birthright Denied

13th August 2009:
This is the first Founders Era piece that I ever read. And now I have to write one for a challenge, so I'm glad I have something to base it on.

This is wonderful little one-shot. You got a lot of story into a relatively short oneshot, and that takes talent. You gave us background without having to tell the whole story. And I didn't see any major grammar things, but I have to admit I wasn't looking.

Playing review tag, hope to see you there!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. All reviews are precious.

I'm glad I gave you some inspiration for your challenge, however small.

I think a lot of people overlook how hard it can be to write a coherent one-shot that tells a story and gives a backstory at the same time. This is something that I've been working on. Now, if I can just apply the same discipline to my two novels and my novella in progress.

I must admit that I hadn't seriously considered writing about the Founders until I had to for a drabble challenge. When I had finished that, I had people tell me that I should write the Founders, so when the staff challenge came up, I had some inspiration for it.



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Review #34, by AntigoneBlackAll Inclusive: All Inclusive

12th August 2009:
I just want to start and say we're story buddies! You have Ron/Padme and I have Harry/Parvarti. Patil twins!

Okay, I think that this story is very creative. The idea that Padme is in Amsterdam as a drug dealer. It's a lovely Post-Hogwarts. I love seeing what happened in the nine years between school and the birth of all the children.

I think that this is a good submission for the challenge. Good work!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks :) . I really wasn't sure if this was going to be validated considering the whole plot and everything, but I couldn't just pass the idea because it was really something I haven't seen around here... xD

~ Kristina


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Review #35, by AntigoneBlackSnips 'n Snails: A Young Wizard's Tale: Chapter Two: Snowy Days and First Kisses

12th August 2009:
I would like to say I'm sorry for missing the biscuits thing. I knew that. (Sorry I read your reviews so I can see if I made a big uh-oh) But I didn't know that it doesn't snow in southern England.

And I love this chapter. :)

Author's Response: absolutely no problem. :) Editing is hard work and I give you huge credit for keeping tabs on me!! Keep me on my toes. I've made the wool and biscuit correction and decided to keep the snow. Call it what you will (I call it a freak weather inciden) but there definitely that much snow at the burrow on that particular day. :)

I'm glad you love this chapter. I've run into a slight snag with chapter 4 but I should be sending it your way sometime this weekend. :)



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Review #36, by AntigoneBlackWhole Again: Whole Again

11th August 2009:
This is a brilliant little fic. It was very creative! Plus you gotta love Teddy.

You have a natural talent to writing descriptions, which I can't do. And I really look up to you for that. You really put the reader in the exact place you want them. We see what you see, and that's wonderful.

I love this oneshot, and I hope to have the chance to write some more next-gen!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and I'm glad you have enjoyed this one-shot as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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Review #37, by AntigoneBlackUnlikely: Chapter 4

11th August 2009:
I know that the worst part of writing Marauders is those pranks. It's hard to think of pranks that haven't already been written. But I think that your prank worked, and was believable.

Your story is really starting to form, and the reader is starting to understand a little more about the characters. I would just suggest giving them some more qualities other then the ones associated with their house.

Author's Response: Thank you! I was iffy on that prank, but I thought they had to make mistakes sometimes with their pranks. So I kept it.

Yeah, the next chapter focuses a lot on the personalities of Nilly and Ardal. I'm actually really excited for it. It's about half way written! =] Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #38, by AntigoneBlackUnlikely: Chapter 1

11th August 2009:
Hello, AntigoneBlack from the forums here. Your grammar was really good in this chapter, I didn't notice anything.

But one issue I did have about this chapter is that you introduced a lot of characters, and didn't focus on one. You move all over the place, and it makes it hard to comprehend. Also it makes it hard to get to know the personalities of the characters you've started. I am hoping that the reader gets to know the personalities of these characters.

I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, I don't mean to be that way. It just was something that I thought needed to be mentioned.

But I did love the prank. It was awesome.

Author's Response: Thanks, I appreciate your review. I know there are a lot of characters introduced because its mainly based off of the OCs. Throughout the rest of the story you'll get to know more on each character, some chapters focus more on one character, and other chapters focus on a different character. Thanks again =]

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Review #39, by AntigoneBlackWorthy: Winter Holidays

11th August 2009:
Well I want to say congratulations on finishing a novel. And a well written one at that. Now as I was reading I had an internal list of things I wanted to say, but now seeing as its 1:16am, and I have stayed up to finish this.

It's amazing. I will have to send more word through PM, considering I am very tired. I would like to talk a bit about your character work and your use of foreshadowing. (Both of which are brilliant.)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. Staying up to read my little ditty is a HUGE compliment. Before this was a novella but I had never written anything and was too scared to attempt a novel. The continuity and forshadowing were inspired by JKR herself and some TV shows that do that brilliantly.

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Review #40, by AntigoneBlackWorthy: Meet the Real Draco Malfoy

11th August 2009:
YAY!

That is all.

Author's Response: Thank you...works for me.

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Review #41, by AntigoneBlackWorthy: Choices

10th August 2009:
So I am at a very confused point. So all these interns are at Hogwarts, but they aren't teaching classes? They are students? I am just confused.

Otherwise I am really enjoying your story. It is still very believable, and unique, which I love. So I am going to keep reading!

Author's Response: Thank you. Just the potions is a class sort of like a masters degree. They tutor and can teach some of the more junior level classes. Also after the war, its like having extra police.

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Review #42, by AntigoneBlackWorthy: A Change of Circumstance

10th August 2009:
Hello! I just wanted to pop in after this chapter before I continue reading.

I think that your characters are quite realistic! I am glad that you didn't immediately sink into the cliches that often go with writing Dramoine. I think that your plot is unique and interesting, and most of all believable. So I am excited to keep reading.

Author's Response: Thank you. I've only read a few Dramiones so there were few cliches that I knew of but I wanted a relationship to develop. He had to deal with his emotions while she has too many morals to hop in bed.

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Review #43, by AntigoneBlackOne's Innocence: The Sense of Right and Wrong

9th August 2009:
I am so sorry that I somehow skipped your story. I am just going to apologize. Sorry!

Okay I really liked that you are making a slightly AU story. It's good to venture away from the norm sometimes. I hope that in future chapters the reader gets to know the character of Carina, because you just give us a peek in this one.

I just wanted to point out a word that is incorrect:
It should not be looked down upon or taken for granite. -You want the world granted, not granite. Granite is a rock that makes high quality counter tops.

Also in the scene with the Dark Lord, you don't stay in the same verb tense and that makes it confusing for the reader. I am sorry to say that I am not an expert in verb tenses, so I don't know how to correct it. That is what I have a beta for. If you are going to continue this story I would post for a beta. They are life-savers, really.

Author's Response: Don't worry about! We're all busy I know. No worries on the wait :)

Thanks so much for reading it! (hug!) haha, ok you made me laugh with the granite for high quiality counter tops. Haha, but yeah, I didn't see that. By bad! :0 Thanks though ;)

Oh, and thanks about the verb tense. Yeah, I don't know how to change it either so one of these days (perhaps when I get to become a TA so it'll be easier and quicker to edit) I'll definitely change that. Thanks again so much! :D


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Review #44, by AntigoneBlackHPFF United Collaboration: Darkest Night

8th August 2009:
You haven't done anything wrong. I actually really enjoyed your chapter. I like how you brought in the idea that the Slytherins were the ones that notified the different populations of the forest to come and help.

And any story where you can see that being in Slytherin does not equal being evil are really needed out there. I think that we have such a distorted view on the house because our heroes and main characters in HP have a grudge against slytherins.

Well done.

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Review #45, by AntigoneBlackRaindrops: Raindrops

8th August 2009:
Just to start, your Author's note just about made my day. Especially when your testing your old teacher's assessments of you. And I, too, have just returned to fanfiction, so I know how that feels, but I have always been in the HP fandom. Although I have thought of branching out. (Suzanne Collins's Hunger Games) Anyway, now I am going to scroll back up and actually read the story.

And I am usually bad at tenses but I'm going to try to help.

creping -you mean creeping. It's at the beginning, talking about the tide.

The way she always insisted on fresh flowers of every room of their small flat - I think that the first of should be for.

I am now up to the part where he talks about the time they first meant, and there's a lump in my heart already. I feel so awful. I think it has to do with your long descriptions, it gives the reader everything, and therefor really gets to their heart.

Okay I have finished now. It's beautiful. All your worries are for no reason. It works wonderfully. The characters are real. It's a very touching piece and I hope that I see more from you in the near future. It's wonderful.

Author's Response: My first review! I'm sitting here, grinning like an idiot and... yes, I just giggled. I don't often giggle. So consider it flattering.

I'm impressed that you actually read through my A/N. I'm not exactly sure why I wrote it, but I do remember I was very hyper... and that is what came as a result. Insert eye roll.

Thank you very, very much for your two corrections! Every time I read this story, I find more and more (particularly regarding tense) and I haven't as yet picked up on those - so thank you! I'll be sure to edit this story with your suggestions when I have time :]

Aw, I didn't want you to feel awful! I was going for bittersweet - but I hope that you feeling awful means that I could tap into your emotions. So I think that is a good thing (ignoring the fact that the emotion was not probably the most positive!).

I'm glad that my long descriptions didn't bore you - I was scared of that. So thank you for saying that they worked :]

Thank you for saying that it's "touching". That really means more to me than you will ever know.
And, hopefully, you will see more of me soon!

-Ju :]


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Review #46, by AntigoneBlackThe Moon's Light: A frog??

8th August 2009:
Your writing style is very intense, and well developed for your first fic. It's quite incredible. It's sad to say that our first works usually are not the greatest (I started when I was 14 with an AWFUL james/lily) but you are already setting a style that carries throughout the chapters.

I have to say though, I am very confused. I think you wanted mysterious, but it's so vague, that I have no idea what generation I am in or what happened in the last chapters. This chapter I had a firmer understanding of what was happening, which was helpful.

I'm sorry I can't be more constructive with my review, but I am just really confused. My brain hurts, which is probably from the exhausting day that I have had, and that is what made it hard for me to comprehend. I'm sorry again.

Author's Response: Thank you very much, that's really nice to hear :)

What is it exactly that confused you? The jump between chapter 3 & 4 is because she collapses/faints at the end of chapter 3 and is taken to the house where she wakes up.

The era also becomes more clear as it goes, there is a reason it is not needed at first as I was using that time to build the OC's character. Now that she has met the others it should become obvious that they are teenagers and therefore the era must be Marauders.

You say "or what happened in the last chapters". Did you read it from start to finish or just the last chapter? That is really the only reason I can think that the previous chapters wouldn't link.

I wish I could explain more clearly but since you haven't further specified what was confusing, there's not an awful lot I can do :( Sorry.

It should get clearer as it goes, in any case.

Ok, well thank you anyway, I appreciate that you took the time to read and review.

Thank you :)


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Review #47, by AntigoneBlackSin: Lily

6th August 2009:
Wow, this short story set was wonderful. I thought that it was great. The fact that you gave the same story in two different perspectives was fantastic.

I can't really say anything constructive, because I couldn't find anything to correct. So I feel a little worthless. But I really did enjoy the piece. I have never really read Sirius/Lily, but in the last two days I'm discovering that there are many out there. So I will have to keep reading them, as I love things that are new and non-canon.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked reading the same story twice, basically. This story is either you love it or you hate it, so I'm really glad that your case was the former. Thank you so much!

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Review #48, by AntigoneBlackWish Upon a Star: The Wish

6th August 2009:
I think that this is an interesting one shot. Not many people write their Dramoines from this angle, which I think really makes the piece stand out.

There were a couple phrases that you used that didn't really make sense, where I thought you may have used the wrong word. I would definitely look through for that if I were you. Also I would go through and get rid of the large space between all your paragraphs it's quite bothersome as a reader. I had to scroll every two seconds.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. although I've also found the gaps bothersome, I'll try to eradicate them :P

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Review #49, by AntigoneBlackSoulmates: Meant To Be

5th August 2009:
Aww, I think that this little one shot is very cute. I think that your characters were very orginal while staying in context with what the epilogue leaves us with. That's the thing about Next-Gen, their personalities aren't set in stone, so just giving them a quality here or there from their parents works perfectly. I can see a lot of Bill in your character of Victorie, and I like that about her.

Teddy is also a lot like his parents, so I found his character believable and darn cute.

I think that you have a wonderful little piece here, and I'm glad you asked me to read it.

Author's Response: Hehehe, cute was what I was going for ;). Really? Yay! I completely agree, there's so much that can be done with the next-gen kids but it is tricky to make them original whilst keeping them within the boundaries of canon so it's a relief to hear you think I succeeded. I actually didn't think to give Victoire any of her parents traits, I mainly focused on making her her own character but now that you mentioned it, she does resemble Bill quite alot (her hair cutting and his fang tooth earring).

I'm equally glad you took the time to read and review this :). Thank you!

~Misty


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Review #50, by AntigoneBlackSitting in the Orange Tree: A Silent Salvation

4th August 2009:
I think that your worries for this chapter are not needed. I think that this flows perfectly with the previous. I am a little confused on what comes next, but I am sure I will figure it out soon enough. Wonderfully written, and at the end of the chapter an audible sigh came from my lips. I feel at peace because those souls are now at peace. I will be watching to see what comes next.

One spelling thing: Tinny is actually Tiny. It's small, but I remembered it.

Author's Response: thanks for pointing out that spelling mistake, i'll make sure i change it when i update the chapter when my beta is done :)

I hope you arent too confused and i hope that i can clear the confusion up in the next chapter. :)

thank you so much for reviewing!


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