Ooh, sweet scene. I love the sudden twist with how you got everyone thinking that it would be about her and Anders, but then...boom! There she is making out with Lorcan in the room of requirement! I want to know how Lily will react to it! I love your story! I've already squealed like an idiot. That's a good signAuthor's Response: Squealing? Aww, thanks! White Blank Page started with me wanting to write a story about a girl having to choose between two brothers and well... A year later I'm writing Chapter 30 something, there's a sequel, a companion, and every other plot bunny I get pretty much ties back in with the White Blank Page storyline and characterizations. Report Review
AH! I didn't see that coming!!! Holy crap!!!
The scene was sooo sweet! But this just makes everything complicated doesn't it?
So now it's Lysander vs. Lorcan. I'm surprised that her first kiss is with Lorcan. I can't wait to see where this goes!
As for your question, I don't know much about Dom yet, so I'd say Eva. I really like Eva. I can relate to her well! :)Author's Response: Hehe, and things will only get more complicated as the story goes on! Thanks for the review! Report Review
I think Eva is starting to have some feelings for Lysander ;). It's cute. Lorcan is just a sweetheart as well. Poor Dom and her relationships. Lily is just a blunt girl isn't she? She's one of my favorites. As for your question, I'm not sure where Lorcan is going to take Eva. But I'll found out won't I? Onwards! Report Review
Again, love it! I must say that I actually really really love Lily. She's just so nonchalant and confident. She's someone I'd want to be friends with. My fave Scamander brother is Lysander cuz he's just so adorable, but Lorcan is funny.
My favorite quote from this chapter is, “Frolicking in the Forbidden Forest with some unicorns? Do I ever know what Lorcan gets himself into?”
I also like how Eva has some insecurities in the fact that she's hopeless when it comes to romantic life. It's very relatable.Author's Response: I adore writing Lily. She gets way more attention in the second half of the story, and I'm having a lot of fun really developing her now. Oh Lorcan... I reread this chapter after reading your review, as I couldn't even remember where that line fit into the story. It was written nearly a year ago! How time flies. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Reviewing the second chapter! Again, loved it! I love Eva's rant about half Asians. It's so funny. I can relate since I'm half Asian. XD. Anyways, my favorite character so far is probably Lysander. He just seems so adorable and sweet. But Lorcan is also awesome in a different way :). I also love Eva as a character. On to the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: Haha, I couldn't resist putting that part in. I am too, so it's basically my personal theory and observations. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ooh! I love it so far!
I love the friendship dynamic between Evangeline, Lily, and the twins. Oh...and I love the twins in general! I can't wait to read chapter two!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
Awesome as ever! I love that Harry and James are good now. I can't wait for the next chapter!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's a relief that they're okay now. And it's adorable! Report Review
Sorry for the wait, but here's your review!
This fic is so adorable! The relationship between Lily and James is so sweet and heart melting. This is the perfect epitome of a fluff fic. I love the small exchanges between the two and the way Lily is almost bursting to show James how much she actually likes him. The whole car ordeal is so nice and you set up a very pleasant image with both James and Lily in a car. I love your use of imagery and short fragmented sentences to emphasize Lily's train of thought. It makes the whole thing more realistic. The pace was good and overall your grammar and flow is good, although there were a few parts where it was a bit choppy with some grammatical errors, but nothing that detracts from the story. My absolute favorite part was the end, where Lily bites her lip. It's the perfect way to end this fic and I applaud you for it. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I'm glad you found it cute and adorable, that's sort of what I was going for. Thanks also for the advice I will try and fix that stuff :) Again, thank you so much for the review! Report Review
(This request is long overdue, so sorry about that :(. But here's the review!)
What can I say? This is fabulously written!!! I'm already enraptured by your fic and I can't wait to read more! Your pace was perfect and your syntax had a graceful edge to it, which complimented your use of imagery, both descriptive and sensory. That's your biggest strength in your story. Your use of imagery is captivating, from the first sentences describing the sunrise and the way Victoire felt, physically and emotionally. It adds to the intense and dark undertone of the story and I must say that it all comes together really nicely. Your grammar is really good with essentially no real flaws that need to be noted and the you've already made your characters interesting just in these two chapters. You successfully make the reader see Victoire's pain, Teddy's vulnerability, and some of your other OC's already have their own sort of tone. your writing is almost poetic in a way, adding power to the whole story as a whole. I loved the way you ended chapter two, with Teddy just saying, "Help me." I know that this will be a very interesting story. So I say, keep up the good work!! Report Review
Alright, sorry for this review being WAY overdue. :(. But here it is.
So, I like your concept. The idea of a relationship between the protagonist and someone like Draco Malfoy with both of them being head boy and head girl is slightly cliche, I'll admit, but I'm a sucker for these kind of plots :3. I also like the whole factor of incorporating Lily's diary into this, as I'm sure it will add spice to the story in the future. Plus, you can easily make a parallel between Lily's story and Tara's story, which would undoubtedly make this story interesting. A think you really need to work on is your grammar and spelling. The syntax was rather choppy at times and the constant spelling errors often detracted from the story. I'm sure that with the work of a beta, this can easily be fixed. Another thing that is of concern is the pace. The story seems to just be jumping from one thing to another rather quickly and it's a bit disconcerting. For example, the sex bit between Draco and Tara was a bit out of nowhere (though I saw it coming), and probably could've been used later as the story progresses and more of the conflict is revealed. I'm saying that it would've had a better impact if this scene occured later in the story. The dialogue could also benefit from description and sensory imagery to give the reader a better feel for your story. So all in all, you've got a potential here; this story could be something very juicy and interesting. Just fix some mishaps and you're in tip-top shape :)Author's Response: Thanks. I know spelling and grammar is bad I don't have a good word processor. I'm actually waiting to get a beta until I know i'm continuing with the story. Its currently on pause for "editing" which is really writers block, but I will get around to it. Thanks for the Review. Report Review
(Long Over-Due Requested Review from way back in September. Sorry I haven't reviewed sooner!)
This story is very sweet. It's innocent, smile-inducing, and totally realistic. I can picture a Luna/Neville romantic scene a lot like this. quirky and a bit goofy, as well as fun. Your characterization was very in canon. You portrayed Neville's self-conciousness and Luna's eccentric nature well and you managed to come up with a very ideal romantic situation that the two would realisticly engage in. I love the whole idea of dancing in the rain as well. :D. The pace of your story was a bit quick and could've benefited with some more description and usage of imagery. Your flow was also marred with some grammar mistakes, such as the lack or usage of unnecessary punctuation, which can easily be edited if proofread a bit more. All in all, this fic was endearing and nice. Well done :)Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's my first piece of fanfiction so I was quite nervous about it but I'm glad both Luna and Neville are in canon!
Thanks so much for taking to time to review, it means a lot! Report Review
(You requested this a long time ago and I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T REVIEW EARLIER :'(. Well, here it is anyway.)
This story is just darling. I think that Eva is so sweet and that the interactions between both Al and Eva are so cute and they make me smile. I love how she was in the hospital during the whole story, her dreams acting as memories. It adds a fairy-tale like quality to the story in general and adds a sort of soft mystique to the tone, which works very well with the sweetness. The story is fairly innocent too, almost child-like in a way. Maybe it's the whole Sleeping Beauty factor mixed with the way Eva speaks about her memories. Overall, the flow was pretty good. There are some grammar mistakes that should be edited, such as your use of the semi-colon versus the comma in parts of your story, but it's not to extensive. There are a few awkward sentences here and there as well, but nothing that a little editing can fix.
My conclusion for this one-shot is that it's sweet, perfectly paced, and heart warming. Well done :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for this, and sorry for the delay!
I'm really glad you like this, Al is my favourite person to write about - yet I never write about him, its so weird!
Thanks for being honest, I am such a lazy proof reader, I hate to say, and I really must work on this!
Thank you so much :D
- B Report Review
Okay, you requested a review from me back in September or something...AND I'M SO SORRRYYY that I didn't review it sooner. Things have gotten in the way, but I'm starting my thread back up, so here's your review!
This story is beautifully written. You’ve managed to create an AU slash story that still manages to keep the characters in canon. Sirius is still Sirius and Remus still acts like Remus. The romantic scenes between Remus and Sirius are perfectly balanced, tender, and intense all at the same time. Your word choice makes the reader feel like they really are feeling the emotions that the characters are feeling. Another thing to note is the pace. The pace is absolutely perfect and it never drags out, nor is it to short. I absolutely love your use of imagery throughout the story...not only are your descriptions, but your usage sensory imagery. It's very impressive. Your syntax and writing flows beautifully. As for the storyling itself, I absolutely love it. The emotion of both Remus and Sirius losing James and Lily and then talking about keeping Harry is just heartbreaking because we all know what really happens. Another powerful aspect is how you make the two main characters rely on each other and find comfort each other in these dark times. The last image of your story with both Remus, Sirius, and Harry has that "in the moment" tone, where we all know that there is much more darkness and tears to come, but right now it doesn't matter. I love those sorts of scenes! Your grammar is generally good, although there are a few typos here and there, but it doesn't detract from the story. All in all, this is a fantastic and powerful fic. Well done.Author's Response: That's okay. I can understand RL getting in the way and I can never blame you for that.
The hard thing about AU and slash is how not-canon it is. I still love to keep canon elements and I'm glad that came across here. Characterization is important to me. Remus and Sirius are some of my favorite characters that writing them is like second-nature. I always imagined them to have a somewhat explosive relationship at times, with Sirius's anger and Remus seems like the type of person who bottles things up until he's ready to explode.
I don't want to comment on every single thing you've mentioned because I feel like I'm just going to keep repeating everything, but your comments have just blown me away. Thank you so much. I did have this beta'd recently so hopefully any typos you've noticed have been fixed now, sorry about that.
Thank you again. This was such a wonderful review that left me beaming. :D Report Review
Ooh!!! I'm entranced!!! I can't wait to read more!!!
I've never read a story about a witch during the Massachussetts witching hour in the HP universe. Your writing flows beautifully and the tone is chilling.
Well, on to chapter 3!!! Report Review
Bahahahaha. That was brilliant!!! Very original and creative, and it's just one of those fics that made my day. I love the Twilight references and the fact that nothing is going well at all for poor ol' Voldie. Just the image of him working in the muggle world makes me snort. Well done! Faved!Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
This is very chilling.
You're usage of diction is amazing and your imagery is very effective, especially in describing the setting in the first paragraph.
You wrote a very powerful fic in very few words. I'm impressed and it's perfect. Keep writing :DAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad that you liked it, I will hopefully have the other two curses written, in a similar style to this! :)
Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
This story was so adorable and quirky and just so original.
"You're the anomaly in my mental filing system" ROFL.
You're brilliantAuthor's Response: Haha, thank you so much! ♥ Report Review
Alright, here's my review, as I said I would review. Sorry I haven't yet, I just like to read a whole story before I actually review anything. :D
I love it! I can't wait for an update!!
Rose is such an awesome witty character and Malfoy is just to cute. I love their banter and I love the family relationship present in this story. The plot is awesome and this chapter made me squeal!!! Well done!! :DAuthor's Response: Oh, it's no problem. :) I'm glad that you like it so much (especially her family, because I really wanted that to be a major focus without taking away from the romance), and I'll definitely rerequest when I've got the next chapter up! Thank you! Report Review
AH! I'm so glad you updated! I love this story so much. I can't wait until you post the next chapter! Report Review
Absolutely perfect fic to brighten my day. It's so cute :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much :) I'm such a fluff freak, as you can tell from this story! ~writergirl8 Report Review
I am sobbing right now. Huge fat tears. This story.is beyond words. I am astounded at this story's ability to make me into a complete mess. This is one of the most powerful stories I have ever read.ever. This is just purely amazing.
While I was reading this story, I was listening to "One Last Goodbye" by Anathema, and it just made me cry even more...especially the part where Mary was in her bed dying, and she could hear everyone wishing her farewell. I applaud you. Completely. You're absolutely brilliant.Author's Response: Gosh, you're going to make me cry. You wouldn't believe how much I loved writing this story, or how much of my soul got accidently poured into this baby.
Thank you so so so so so much. I'm so glad people are still taking the time to ready this story :)
-AC Report Review
One of the best on HPFF.
I'm obsessed with this story and I can't wait for the next chapter. Report Review
Oh my gosh! I didn't expect that to happen!!!
I'm so sad right now!!
And I think Rose is getting a bit over her head with the whole Slytherin/Malfoy thing, even though I know that she still loves her family.
Update soon please!Author's Response: Haha! Thanks! Yes, I think it's starting to overwhelm her a little bit, but I'm afraid the worst is yet to come for poor Rosie. But yes, she deeply loves her family, I think. ;)
Although I'm sorry for making you feel sad. :(
The next chapter is being written and will hopefully be up in the next few days. :)
Thanks for the review! Leanne :) Report Review
Update soon! This is one of the most addicting stories ever :D Report Review
This story is very charming. I love the whole plot and idea that you have behind it. Ramona seems like a good character and I could definitely picture her with someone like Oliver Wood for some reason, even though she is really nothing like him. As for the characterization, I think that you managed to portray a very accurate Oliver Wood. You managed to make him a Gryffindor, very mature, but still obsessed with Quidditch. He is exactly how I pictured him. A few things you could work on is the story flow. It's a bit choppy in some parts and a few events seem to happen at a bit of a rushed pace. I also think that you should work a bit more on descriptions, but you still managed to put a lot of endearing qualities in your story. It's very cute and romantic and it made me happy. It's definitely an enjoyable post-war read, and it's not cliche either. I praise you for your originality. Well done :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for doing the request! Sorry I've took a bit to reply was on holiday! The flow of the story is something I'm trying to work on because I know it's one of my weaker points. Hopefully I can work on it! This story really has become my favourite thing I've written so I'm trying to make it as good as I can!
I'm glad you think the characterisation is all working and oliver is portrayed acuratly I didn't really know if I was doing him justice when I first began writing it!
Thanks a bunch for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
Logamind Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection