and we have an antagonist! poor kids, I feel sorry for them. These chapters are really short, though it does add a kind of dramatic effect.Author's Response: :)
I know the chapters are short, but I'm working on that, I really am!
Thankyou for reviewing,
Jess Xx Report Review
oh, wow. This story seems really intriguing. It's really different, unique. That's a good thing though! I think I'm gonna read on.Author's Response: Thankyou, I try really hard to only post stories that are unique and haven't been already written about in some shape or form.
Thanks for the review,
Jess Xx Report Review
Haha! Abraxi. Ok, let me start from the beginning. I liked all the maura/abraxas in the beginning, though I was a bit confused from last chapter. it seemed to me that in the last chapter maura had been all for tom, now she's flirting with malfoy? unfortunetly, that confusion followed throughout the chapter, as both tom and maura acted as if last chapter had never even occured. tom in the RoR was a completely different tom. this worries me a bit, because while I wasn't exactly a fan of last chapter, this is your story and you can make tom however you want. if you wanted to make tom a ballerina, and maura a pro boxer, you can. maybe this is how you wanted it to turn out, then that's fine. it just seemed like you wanted the story to go in a different direction last chapter. it's what you like. not me. Anyways, back to the story. Tom seemed to be using a lot of occulemns to get what he wanted. What happened to that charm? I liked how Abraxas immediately told Tom what happened, that coward. Older wand, huh? Sounds suspiciously like elder wand...
I loved Abraxas' nickname! Tom seems really aggressive lately, lunging at people the first chance he gets. last chapter he was telling her how much he cares about her, and now he's threatening to kill her. and the part when the "wave of energy passed thorugh her" without a wand or her trying to cast a spell, I hope it was a non-verbal spell, because I couldn't help the little voice screaming 'Mary Sue!' inside my head. I mean she's already got one special power...
It was really tipping towards maura/abraxas in this chapter, which I am always a fan of. erm, reading back, this review seems a little jumpy, its because I was writing it while re-reading over the story. Overall, I liked this chapter, and it seems like the furthur away she gets from Tom, the closer she gets to malfoy. the only thing is that this chapter and the other chapter weren't very...compatible. It was like you could've took that chapter right out of existence, and this chapter would still be plausible, more even. Well, thanks for taking the time to plow through my review/thoughts on this chapter, it is way too long, sorry! I give this chapter a... 9/10Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the lengthy review, I love hearing what you think! First, I'm delighted that you are as amused by 'Abraxi' as I was, haha. Sorry if this chapter seems a bit confusing with Maura and Abraxas, I know it's an abrupt change from the previous chapter. The thing is, while Maura does care for Tom, she is having trouble dealing with his mood swings and agression. Malfoy is, I guess, a kind of constant for Maura, and she turns to him when she is confused by Tom.
Yes, the Tom in the RoR is a different Tom from last chapter, but he is similiar to the Tom that we saw before the last chapter. I know that it seems as though both Tom and Maura acted as though the events in the last chapter never occurred, but they haven't actually had a chance to talk it out yet - that'll happen in the next chapter, so hopefully some of your confusion will be alleviated. Don't worry, I had always planned to have Tom act this way (although making him a ballerina is an interesting and hilarious notion), and there is a reason that the last chapter happened which will become clearer as the story progresses. I think that once you read the end, you will understand better how everything ties in (I hope so anyway).
The part where the wave of energy passed through her...people are reading into that more than I thought they would, haha. It was basically just an uncontrolled reaction to the situation...kind of like when Harry blew up his aunt in J. K.'s novel. Maura lost control of her magic for a moment because she was so angry at Tom. I'll explain this a little more in the next chapter, but don't worry about it too much, it's likely not another dormant power.
I'm glad you liked the Maura/Abraxas interaction in this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it, and I'm happy that you liked the chapter overall, even if you were a bit confused. Hopefully the next chapter will clear some things up! Thanks again for your thoughts, and I hope that you will continue to read and review! Report Review
Woah. There was a lot of anger in this chapter, which was good that you made it realistic. I wasn't expecting the sirius/marles at all. Just what freddie needed, another reason to hate sirius! So does this mean that marles cheated on freddie, or was it before? Wait, don't tell me! I shall be eagerly awaiting the next chapter. I really should be writing my story right now...thanks for having an amazingly distracting story!Author's Response: Anger is actually exhausting to write, which is why I'm struggling with the next chapter! Well struggling isnt the right word, I know what's going to happen and I know how to write it, it's just that typing it all out seems to drain me. While you wait, maybe you should write some of your own story, ya know just to pass the time... haha. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Finally. The day has come. After all that planning and procrastinating, they will be forced to tell them. I liked this chapter for two reasons: I had another chapter to look forward to right after this, and Marles personality. I know of no universe where the sister and the girlfriend get along. I look forward to an enormous girl-fight. No? Eh, I'll take whatever I get. I'm off to read the next chapter!Author's Response: That's so true, there's always something between the girlfriend and the sister, never easy! I find brothers easier all the way. Anyway thanks for the review and I hope you like the next chapter! Report Review
ok, did not see that coming. first, I had to actually wait for a chapter. that was bad enough. then, you had me thinking oh my god, oh my god, they're gonna tell them through the entire chapter. and then you throw me a completely unexpected surprise with lily/james. I was a little worried when I was reading, cause I didn't know how you were gonna solve the problem, without introducing another problem. then I thought, oh no what if this is the last chapter. thankfully, it wasn't. predictions for next chapter: I will be led to believe that they will tell them, only to be crushed by a brillant plot turn.
wow, lengthy review, maybe because of the wait? that does not mean that you should take forever to update. please?Author's Response: i don't really know if you liked it or not from that review.. but i dont really blame you, there were too many problems/twists introduced but did you really think it would ever be easy for Sirius and Dee?? Anyway I hope you continue to read it despite this, and I really will try not to be too long! Report Review
gross, vomit! anyways, I've just realized something. This is the marauder era, yeah? where's remus? pete? and I liked how you used the word "niggling" somewhere in the middle there. almost as funny as "canoodling." Oh no! I've just realized that there's no chapter after this! my endless supply of chapters! does this mean that I'll *gulp* have to wait for more chapters!?! and judging from previous a/n, I'll have a long time to wait...Author's Response: I know I've outcast poor poor Remus and Peter.. well I think I've included them in about four sentences in the whole story :( but theres already so many prominent characters that I just didn't know where to put them! I think basically because the story is in Dee's POV and she's not as close to them as she is to Sirius and James she just doesn't really take them into account and vice versa, as in they don't know her as well because she's a Ravenclaw. Poor excuse I know but I don't really want to start writing them in so far into the story! And aha you are wrong, there is another chapter should be up in a few days! Yayy for me being punctual! Thanks for the review! Report Review
wow. I like all the emotion in this chapter. The dialogue flows well, and great cliff hanger. It might just be me, but this chapter doesn't seem like the same author as previous chapters. Perhaps you've changed your writing style...? I was a bit disapointed when you took Tom out of canon, but, to each his own. The thing I really like is mauras relationships with other people, especially with malfoy. You've left me dying to know more, can't wait!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! This chapter might seem to be written a little differently because I had to "censor" my writing in order to make it adhere to the Terms of Service of this site. I had to modify the sex scene a bit and include far less detail than I would usually write...I didn't want to get kicked off ;) I haven't changed my writing style overall though, the next chapter should be back to normal.
As for taking Tom out of canon, I'm assuming you mean making him playful and actually caring for once. I decided to do this because it shows that he actually is human. I tried to do this a bit in earlier chapters (for example Tom's memory of his time in the orphanage), and I wanted to re-enforce the idea again here. My thought is that Tom becomes the evil Voldemort for a reason; the thing that he becomes is made, not born, and for him to be hurt enough to become it, he has to have something to lose. In other words, he has to actually care. So, I know that the Tom in this chapter seems out of canon, but I'm trying to explore the reason he became evil in this story. That's a really round about way of explaining my reasoning without giving away the ending, but hopefully you understand :)
I'm glad that you're enjoying Maura and Malfoy still, and I hope that you'll still continue to read and review! Report Review
oh no! poor dee :(
her dad is scary. so are dee and freddie muggle-born? where do they get thier magic from? this chapter had a lot of angst.
maybe the next chapter will cheer me up.Author's Response: it was a very angsty chapter and i apologise! it gets better... at least i hope so! yeah i kind of had the idea that their muggleborn, i dont know if its technically possible for them both to be magic but well its just a coincidence in this case maybe? mehh i dont know! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
oh no! so sad :(
I liked the memories/flashbacks. But I'm a little confused, does dees mum have some kind of disease or is she a drunk? I was a bit confused on that but I guess if its necessary for plot development, I'll bear it!
I feel like I'm going overboard with the reviews :, I'm not, am I!?!Author's Response: it becomes clearer but basically she's ill, its kind of like bipolar disorder. i cant remember if i explain it in this chapter or the next and im being a tad lazy right now and not checking..
and no! never feel like you're going overboard on reviews they make me happy! thank you! Report Review
great spy dee would make, getting kidnapped in broad daylight!
"There was one thing in my life, however, of which I was absolutely certain… No matter what the outcome of this thing between Sirius and me, I was going to be one amazing spy."
the funniest thing ever! I thought she was going to say "I would always love sirius" My favorite line in this chapter!Author's Response: ha, would i ever write something so obviousss??? ok usually but still :) glad you liked it! Report Review
wow thats a pretty big injury from a bottle hit. Is it wrong that I find a serious injury and unconciousness funny? This was really too funny. I had to stifle my laughter and as a result, got an aneurism. I don't know what that means...guess I have something in common with dee.
Great chapter!Author's Response: well you can imagine the consequences can't you? sadly i've seen an accidental bottling myself and it can get messy! i'm glad you liked the chapter and that you found it funny, i really don't feel funny when i'm writing it! i hope you keep reading! Report Review
like the longer chapter. They're together at last! oh and sometimes your spacing is a bit off. I never did find out what they got each other for christmas...Author's Response: i thought it was a little too long at first but i\\\'m glad youre ok with it! yeah the spacing is odd in places but whenever i go to sort it out i can never find it bit ill have a look soon! and about the christmas thing.. i know. that was just plain bad writing on my part! but i may incorporate it if it comes to me! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I love your sense of humor, couldn't stop smiling while I was reading.Author's Response: thank you! i hope you like the rest! Report Review
:( I feel bad for sirius
and for dee, I liked how you paired dee up with that hufflepuff and I like James and lilys relationship. It felt like something was missing from this story and now, I've got it! Theres no antagonists, no enemies. Everyones all smiles and friendly. Theres no one to hate basically. But, I'm going to read on!
Liked this chapter!Author's Response: wow youre right there was just no hate! i totally didnt realise! still youll just have to read on just in case..
i\\\'m glad youre liking it though, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
another great chapter :)
I love (LOVE) the scene with Malfoy in the alley
and the relationship between Tom and Malfoy, brillant. Nice descriptions! Now for constructive criticism...hmm, its all so good! Sorry, can't think of any right now. Maybe next chapter? Unless you don't want any. If thats the case , just tell me, I'll leave a "great chapter, update soon" instead. I know some authors don't want advice.
Great Story!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm happy that you liked the chapter! Haha I loved writing that scene too ;) I will definately take any constructive criticism you would like to give me, it helps me improve my writing. That's part of the reason why I started writing fanfiction in the first place; I take all of your suggestions and try to incorporate them into my writing as much as I can. So, if you see anything that I can improve on, please let me know what you think! Thank you again for the review! Report Review
hmm...not one of my favorite chapters, but the humor and charm of the story surely makes up for it.
I didn't like how you had dee playing music when it doesnt work at hogwarts. not very realistic. and I didn't like all the drinking, its a hogwarts party right? wouldnt it be supervised?
anyways I liked the ending, with the countdown.Author's Response: they have a wireless radio thing in harry potter, the wwn or whatever its called... im sure that has music? im not sure where abouts i have dee playing music anyway.. its a long time since ive been over this chapter but im pretty sure she doesnt play music at any point..
and the drinking, well i think how its represented in hp where theres no teen drinking isnt at all realistic from my experience! i never claimed for this to be accurate anyway, call it creative licence :)
but thanks for your comments Report Review
shes gone and messed it up, hasnt she?
what did sirius get her for christmas?
what she get sirius?
Am I about ot find out in the next chapter?Author's Response: she may well have messed it up.. to be honest ive left out the whole christmas present fandango and youve only just reminded me! :O shocking writing skills there! Report Review
aw, so romantic
I would like more of a backstory on dee though
or maybe there is in sticky toffee pudding
guess Ill just have to keep reading to see!Author's Response: aha just keep reading my friend! im glad you like it! Report Review
wow seems interesting
Im intriuged by dee
I just might have to read on :)Author's Response: thanks.. i hope you did read on? Report Review
wow interesting chapter
do I smell a dramione ship? Report Review
oh wow, wow
*clears throat and stands up on chair, begins clapping slowly*
such emotion! such angst!
*wipes eye with a tissue*
you are an amazing writer, seriously
good job capturing Violets emotions, and toms personality? amazing. great job giving your oc life, an actual backstory. Violet is the anti- mary sue (thats a pretty big compliment for an oc) what else can I say, oh yeah I like how professional it is with some awesome vocabulary. I am adding this story to my faves. Im hooked, so Ill be waiting with bated breath for the next chapter.
10/10 Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I appreciate your compliments very much.
YAY! Violet is the anti- mary sue! XD Thank you! That really means a lot. I am glad you like my vocabulary. The way I write is pretty much the way I speak :P
Thank you for the amazing review! I am almost finished chapter five. You shouldn't have to wait much longer:)
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