This chapter was wonderful, one of my favourite chapters of this entire series so far. It was both giddy and heart breaking at the same time; the perfect combination.
Thank Merlin, Beth and Severus talked. Finally, they understand what is going on-- so much of their thinking was based on the fact that they misunderstood events, and it was so good that they finally became on the same page. Severus' patronus is perfect for him, and Beth's reaction when she saw the connection to her-- wonderful. I was wondering how you were going to tie in the Doe patronus with the Beth/Severus romance, but you did it perfectly. I'm interested in how you've imagined it going back to a doe, since I presume this is staying canon? I never liked the idea of Severus having Lily's exact patronus anyone-- it makes it seem as though he is her, not her partner; James and her are soulmates, reflected in their complementing patroni, yet Severus is merely an imitation of Lily. Your conception of his patronus, with a nod to his feelings for Beth yet also a nod to his own personality, was perfect.
Their new understanding was also heartbreaking, though. They can't escape the fact that they're on opposite sides of a fight, and their relationship thus seems doomed from the very beginning. It will be so hard for them, and I can't wait to read what you've envisioned for them, as they attempt to stay together despite the fact that they're on opposing sides, and none of their friends will approve.
Talking of friends, Sirius too was heartbreaking in this chapter. He's lost James to Lily, though James doesn't really realise it, and you can't help but feel sorry for him. Usually, I'd be all for a Sirius/OC, but I love Severus in this fic (which is unusual-- I usually have very mixed feelings towards Severus) and can't imagine Beth with anyone but him. The fact that Sirius wants to be with Beth simply because they're already friends was heartbreaking. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He doesn't love Beth, he admits that, but he's lonely and wants companionship. It's doubly sad considering what we know from canon, with him remaining lonely for most of his life.
Your spelling and grammar is perfect, which really adds to this story. I can't wait to read more,
JessAuthor's Response: Hey -- it's fantastic to see you back here with a review for this! :) And yes, the title for this chapter is very apt, because this really is a very long overdue conversation for Beth and Severus. I said this in an earlier response, but a lot of their relationship is built around unsaid words and misunderstandings, which isn't terrible healthy -- but it makes for great plot points! I'll also say this, in regards to staying canon: Beth's presence in the story naturally altered a few canon events, largely in regards to Snape and his interactions with Lily. I've managed to work pretty successfully around bits like the Potters' death and Harry's protection at school, and most of the really, really main parts can be assumed to stay the same in this fanon. (That might have been terribly confusing... I do apologize.)
Beth and Severus are both making a pretty stupid choice in deciding to keep in touch and be friends, but that's something that's very human about them -- making a wrong choice simply because they /want/ what that wrong choice gives them. I've definitely got things in store for them!
You really seem to understand Sirius's motivations towards wanting to pursue something with Beth, which is such a relief. It's very important to note that he does not love her romantically, and never did, but that he is lonely and wants the companionship he sees between James (his best friend, who he feels has been almost stolen from him) and Lily. I'm so glad you interpreted that correctly!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a review on this chapter! ♥ It's seriously so, so appreciated, and I really do mean that. I hope to see you back by for chapter 10, too! Report Review
Oh, this is a /perfect/ set of four. Planting a scheming Regulus into the mix was brilliant. He is just so obviously Sirius' brother in this, but in a Slytherin way-- not telling Cedric whose house it was, for example. The fact that it was Dumbledore's was PERFECT. He is so mellow about it, not even caring that "yeah, a bunch of teenagers tried to send one of themselves down my chimney. Whatever, cool". This then countered Grindelwald, who was so angry about it-- he really transformed the scene, since if it was just mellow Dumbledore I don't think it would have been quite as funny.
" Gellert yelled, transfiguring one of the logs into a hot poker and wielding it threateningly.
“Oh, now,” Dumbledore interrupted delicately, flicking open a newspaper. “Let’s not resort to violence.”"
Those lines perfectly highlights their conflicting personalities. I love the pairing; I don't read much Grindelwald/Dumbledore, but the two of them in this is perfect. They're complete opposites, but work together so well because of it, much in the same way that Remus and Tonks are different, and Hermione and Ron.
Spinning flying Grindelwald was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I have the picture of it in my head and it is making me giggle just thinking about it. The fact that Colin got pictures is even better. It really contrasts with the more serious duel chapters and is what Cedric needs, after being chucked from the tournament through no real fault of his own. I love the variety in your chapters.
The ending, with Regulus running away screaming from the Grotta was the perfect ending. I was terrified you were going to have Regulus be killed in the Grotta, which would have totally transformed the mood of the chapter and been devestating (I /love/ Regulus) but thankfully you did not. Instead, you sticked with the funnier side of the chapter. Regulus running away from Barty? True Slytherin, clearly ;)
The fact that Regulus knew all of the people in the Grotta, and had once counted them as his friends really stood out for me. He could so easily have ended up in the Grotta with them, yet managed to change this around by defying Voldemort. Regulus is one of the bravest characters in HP, in my mind, and shows how one doesn't have to be a Gryffindor to be courageous. He might be a Slytherin, but he represents what Salazar originally intended to be a Slytherin, much like Severus. I find it interesting that the two Slytherins not concerned completely with blood purity (to the extent of Voldemort and the Death Eaters) end up in Cliodna's Clock with Salazar. They are the true Slytherins in HP, and they go against the bad stereotype.
I can't wait to read more,
JessAuthor's Response: Hello again, Jess!!
A lot of my chapters are pretty heavily structured - I've got everything mapped out in advance. This was one of the few ones that just did whatever it wanted to do. I wanted to give the boys some camaraderie, a break from the stresses in their lives. This /is/ the afterlife, after all, and it should be more relaxing, more fun! So it was Regulus to the rescue. Really, I'll do anything for an excuse to write Regulus. He's such a fun character for me to write. :P
Gellert/Dumbledore is something I've been meaning to slip in here for a while, hence the slash warning. And while this glimpse of them is far from romantic, I like the way they complement each other - Gellert's spitfire versus Dumbledore, who's cool as a cucumber. So glad you liked it! ^ ^
Oh my goodness, YES, SO MUCH IN AGREEMENT. ♥ Regulus is so, so brave. He sacrificed his life for a /horcrux/. Except for Harry, show me another Gryffindor who's willing to do that. It goes to show that Slytherins have got some bold characters, as well. Brave and ambitious and very, very smart. In the end, Regulus and Severus were two of the cleverest characters in the series.
Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews. :) Report Review
I love the idea of Quidbumps. I had no idea what to expect when I read the chapter title, but it's a brilliant idea for a one of the rounds.
The characters were all so canon here it was unbelievable. What with Colin whizzing around enjoying it but having no clue what he was doing and Vincent choosing the weakest victim, it was like they were written by JK Rowling. I went into this duel expecting James and Cedric to shine due to their skill in Quidditch-- the fact that they both went out was a real shock, and a testament to your writing skill that you did it in a believable way. It made me think of the earlier chapter where you stated that the people who went out of the third round traditionally went mad-- who would it be, Cedric or James? Both would be devestating.
I'm so glad James is out-- I was terrified he would go out, and thus never see Harry. The fact that Tonks was the one who put him out was brilliant. She does it not only because he is her strongest competitor in that team, but for Lily and Remus. It would be horrible for Remus, I think, to watch his wife kill his best friend in the final round, or vice versa. That outcome would have been horrifying because whatever happened, it would have devestated families and prevented one child from meeting one of his parents.
The fact that Tonks then turned this into banning Lily from entering again was great. Tonks is a lot like Lily, just at the start of Lily's path. She could easily turn into Lily, and possibly would have if she hadn't seen what it had done to Lily. She now is saving her, not only for Lily, but for Harry, who Tonks knows must desperately want to see his Mother.
One thing I noticed was that they couldn't recognise anyone in the crowd. Surely, if it was 700 hundred odd years ago, they wouldn't have lost /everyone/ in the crowd to the duel-- not all of them would have wanted to take part, for a start. Is there something else going on in Cliodna's Clock? The mystery seems to thickens.
10/10 for a great chapter.
JessAuthor's Response: Oh my goodness, you say such lovely, lovely things! Saying that the characters were so canon that they could've been written by JKR made my month, I can't even tell you. Thank you SO much!
You're absolutely right about Tonks; knocking James out takes away her top competition, but also spares Lily and Remus from the pain they would endure if they were to lose James.
Tonks could easily go down the same path as Lily, and I think it's a good thing that she witnessed the damage it's done to Lily, just like you said. Tonks will have to keep herself in check.
And the plot thickens again! Hee. :3 I can't comment, of course, but you're on the right track.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I've always had mixed feelings about Snape. On the one hand, he was a horrendous bully who tormented Harry and many other children. On the other, he protected Harry through his love for Lily. I ship James/Lily with unrequited Severus/Lily on the side: Severus was, I feel, never truly destined to end up with Lily. They both went against what the other stood for, and thus it would never have worked out, however much Severus might wish it did.
"Together, with white and black promises from both Dumbledore and Voldemort, the two most powerful wizards in the world, Severus had felt secure in the light and the dark, in the pure and sinister, and thought that their entwined chains would be strong enough to hold Lily to earth." This line really stood out for me. It seems to encapsulate perfectly Severus' standing in the middle of everything, thinking it will keep him safe when in fact it did not. He forgets individual choice; that despite his best intentions and all the efforts of both Voldemort and Dumbledore, it is /Lily's/ choice what to do. Severus couldn't protect her, not if that wasn't what she wanted. The fact that Severus condemns James for not protecting her highlights why I think the relationship would not have succeeded. I read in a book somewhere, I can't remember which, of these two characters who both loved the same woman; one treated her like she would break in a moment and thus he needed to be careful with her, the other felt she was a strong individual, and it was her choice what she did, not his. This scenario really reminds me of that.
"If anyone just so happened to escape their strangling husbands for a few brief moments (he envisaged Lily hovering at her living room window, waiting for James to disappear so that she could go look for her dear friend Severus), then so be it." Oh Severus. I feel so sorry for him here, because he's clinging desperately to his hatred for James because he simply can't cope with the idea that it might be Lily who doesn't want to see him. He is trying desperately to see her, in the hopes that she will finally return his affections, yet she was hiding from him. It really highlights how he has placed her on a pedestal and can't believe she would do anything wrong; it has to be her "strangling" husband. It's just such a Snape thing to say.
Can't wait to read more,
JessAuthor's Response: I'm glad we share the same thoughts on Severus. :) I don't think he was destined to end up with Lily, either. He searched for excuses, for something to blame it on, but the fact remains that he was way too into the Dark Arts and James was just more charming, more enigmatic, more giving and more malleable. Severus could not have made Lily happy, I don't think. Whereas James lets her make her own decisions and respects her enough to trust her, Severus treats her like something fragile that doesn't have the capacity to think for itself.
Thank you so much for reading and for your reviews! Report Review
Colin and Orla are such a sweet pairing. I ship Corla now. Or Orlin? Orco? Coor? I don't know what to call it, but I definitely ship it.
Orla is a fantastic character, and I love that you didn't just make up a name-- she's a canon character, but one who you can mould into your own character that perfectly complements Colin. She's the go-getter in the pairing, who is allowing him to enjoy the after life, even though he's fighting in a tournament that could end in him losing his soul, and though he knows his brother won't live past 35. She's got this sarcastic edge to her that is great next to his innocence. His personality is interesting, since he's lived through a war and thus you expect him to be battle-hardened, yet at the same time he's still innocent little Colin who doted after Harry. I love that you've portrayed him as this, as it adds a real edge to his personality. The fact that he still calls Moody Professor highlights this, since it shows him not truly moving past his school days; it makes me think of Harry, who called Moody Professor first time he saw him in OoTP, despite the fact that he hadn't actually ever taught him. Harry stops doing this once he joins the fight with Moody and ends up losing his childhood; Colin still hangs onto this childhood innocence. It complements nicely with him talking about Professor Lupin, and how he stopped thinking of him as a Professor when he fought against him; how he doesn't want everything to go back to normal. On the one hand, he's a fighter, yet he's still a schoolboy. I love this characterisation of him.
Ooh, the end is very interesting. The conspiracy concerning Cliodna's Clock thickens! I really can't wait to find out what exactly is going on in the Afterlife.
Another brilliant chapter.
JessAuthor's Response: You recognized Orla! Yay! Colin is one of the only ones in the tournament who has a real life outside of the Devil's Duel, and that's completely because of Orla. She continuously pushes him into new things, introduces new ideas. I think it's really good for him. I think you made a very good point about Colin and his perceptions of professors. He's starting to see Remus as a man and not just a professor, but since he doesn't have those same experiences with Moody, he still sees Moody as a professor even though he technically never was a professor. I'm so happy you like Colin's characterization. He's surprisingly more complex than I thought he would be!
The conspiracy thickens, indeed. :3
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
First things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you have a great day :D
Second off, I love this chapter! It might possibly be my favourite one, mainly because it completely focuses on my favourite couple. You write Remus/Tonks unbelievably well- better than any other portrayal of them I've read. Remus is my favourite character in HP, and whilst I'll read anything that so much as mentions his name, I really love reading a fic which captures his character well, and yours certainly does. It's part of what originally encouraged me to read this fic.
"Sometimes I forget to feed them"-- I love this line. It's just /so/ Tonks. Similarly, her little strop because the guy didn't value Remus enough as a professor-- in canon, Remus is so quick to be dismissive of himself, he sort of needs Tonks, who can defend him when he's not going to himself, even if he doesn't really need it.
The line about the fireplace also stuck in my mind-- it's a beautiful line, and just seems so canon even though it isn't. I want a house with a fireplace stained green from floo powder.
Also, the fact that the shed moves is brilliant. I love this universe you've created that you obviously know so well, and how quirky it is-- it's a completely unique after life, and easily the best concept of an after life I've read.
JessAuthor's Response: Thank you for the happy birthday wishes! I had a very lovely day. :)
Hooray, a Remus/Tonks shipper! They're one of my favorite pairings as well. I like what you said about Remus sort of needing Tonks there to defend him because he's so down about himself and easily believes it when people criticize or judge him. He's his own worst critic, but Tonks sees more good in him than he sees in himself, so she's always there to build him back up again.
I would love a fireplace stained green from floo powder, as well. :)
I'm so happy you like this afterlife! And thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it greatly. :) Report Review
This was brilliant :) I really enjoyed reading the thoughts of Cho; it was a great reading of her and really made her sympathetic. Plus, you incorporated all the prompts skillfully and none of them felt out of place. Great job :DAuthor's Response: thanks! I really enjoyed writing this and exploring Cho - who I've never really thought much of before. Thank you :) Report Review
I've been reading this for a while and never written a review, which is really lax of me. I have to go back and write them, but I thought I'd start off at writing one for this chapter.
You have such a good grasp of the characters! Each of their strategies was very much in keeping with their characters, especially Severus. He was in Slytherin for a reason! He really does remind me of Salazar. I find it interesting that the Slytherin who is most in keeping with Salazar is the half-blood; it is almost as though the preoccupation with "pureblood" is not the most important Slytherin qualification-- that it is cunning which is /so/ much more important. Trying to make James off Colin! It's so much in keeping with him, and I find it so ironic that it ended up working against him. James has such a high moral code, that I think he would have been devestated to find that he had killed Colin, who is so much younger and so much more unexperienced than him. However, I also find it interesting that it is James who has removed both people from his team from the duel so far. James was thought to lack the personality that could do so-- yet in terms of averages, he's doing best out of everyone.
I love Tonks in this chapter. I wondered why she hadn't used her metamorphamagus powers much in the Clock, and it makes such sense that she would use them in the races. I was surprised she chose to impersonate Fred, I don't know why, but I was. Oh Fred! When he thought it was George... I felt so sorry for him, and I almost felt cross at Tonks! Surely since she knew both the twins she should have realised what would happen to Fred if he saw her as himself! Poor Fred :(
I can't believe Crabbe is still in it, though I think it's quite easy to underestimate him. Stupid he may have been throughout most of the books, but he /adored/ the Carrows' lessons. Surely he must have picked something up? Besides, Draco wouldn't have picked him as a lackey if it wasn't for his physical strength-- which would be quite useful in a task such as this, where magic wasn't always helpful. It did make me laugh though, that he actually managed to get James' flag (cruel James, wanting Severus to be knocked out of the races in the same way he died!) but then splinched himself and left it behind. I had this bizarre mental image of a crawling cartoon hand.
I don't know which type of your chapters I prefer- the more character based ones or the action of the duels. I love delving into your superb characterisations of them and well-thought out description of Cliodna's Clock. You have such a high understanding of it, it really is applause worthy. If you ever wrote a original fic, I would really want to read it-- your attention to detail is brilliant. On the other hand, the pace of this chapter and the previous duel chapter was amazing; it really drew me in and I wanted to know who went out so badly! I still have no idea who will be ejected in the end. It would be easiest for it to be Crabbe, yet that would probably lack the emotional sorrow. I feel that we haven't go to know Crabbe as well as the others yet, but his friendship with Goyle and to a lesser extent Draco, who he probably felt highly resentful of, could cause some sympathy for him. Poor Crabbe, always being made to feel so stupid! I never really liked him much in the books, but I feel he could be interesting to explore.
I just hope you don't make Tonks or Fred lose-- I love both of them so much. But then /James/. He just /can't/ go out; I think i'd cry. And Colin! But that leaves Cedric and I love Cedric... you're much too cruel to make us have to think of this! When characters die in normal fics, you at least have the idea of an afterlife; in this, they seem definitely gone. But then, like Dumbledore said, what is the proof that they actually disappear? Maybe all of the people Lily's knocked out are actually have a whale of a time bowing down to her for letting them getting into the uber-underworld, rocking party town ;)
10/10 for this and every chapter. Your spelling and grammar is wonderful, and each chapter is really well written, which makes the story ten times better. I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Holy wow, this review! I'm so intimidated to try to respond to it. You are just incredible.
No worries about going back and reviewing all the past chapters! Sometimes when I'm rushing through a story, I prefer to just marathon it without reviewing each chapter individually, and then I'll review the last posted chapter. It's just so much easier.
I agree on so many levels about the most prized quality in Slytherin house being cunning rather than blood purity. Like, Morfin and Marvolo were both pure blood Slytherins, and they weren't exactly brilliant. But then Snape, the half-blood, could arguably run circles around all of the other Slytherins because of how intelligent he is. In this case, though, Snape's cunning definitely backfired on him. If he'd just stayed put at the fire and allowed himself to be blown back, Colin's flag would have burned with him. I think that Severus's desire to win this round was due more to beating James than to winning any prize. He just wanted to show that he was superior. Oh Severus, when will you ever learn?! And James is a bit of a dark horse, isn't he, surprising everyone by winning both the first and second round?
Haha, I purposefully avoided discussing Tonks's metamorphmagus abilities in previous chapters just so that it wouldn't be on the brains of her opponents, and so that it would be more of a surprise. And since she was going to use being a Metamorphmagus to confuse her opponents, it would make sense that she impersonated one of them. It was either Cedric or Fred, since she was going after Peter, so she just so happened to choose Fred. I felt so bad for poor Fred there. :(
A crawling cartoon hand! Ha, that's an image I had as well! Actually, if you've ever seen the Addams Family, there is this little hand called 'The Thing' that kind of crawls around, and that image was nesting in my head while I was writing it.
I love seeing your thoughts on who might win/who should win vs. who you don't want to lose. All of them have merit, after all, even poor, dimwitted Crabbe. This review seriously made my month, and I'm so grateful that you took the time to leave such a thorough, wonderful review.
Wahay first review :D I love this story so much-- I think it's my favourite out of all of yours, and definately deserves more appreciation. Luke/Lily= brilliant. I love that you didn't have some massive gushy scene or what not; it really suited the characters (and I empathise with Lily's nineteen-and-not-properly-kissed thing). I'm totally imagining him meeting her parents and bowing down to Ginny while ignoring Harry :D Plus he and James would compete over who was a better Quidditch player, clearly :P Nathan/Amber is adorable-- got to love the quiet music way of flirting. Marama's confusion at Lily/Luke was hilarious; you could just see her being like oh-kay when did this happen?
I can't wait to read more! 10/10Author's Response: Your favourite out of all of mine? Wow, glad you're enjoying it so much :P
I couldn't do massive gushy scene if I tried. And if I ever write characters that could pull off a massive gushy scene I will die of shame.
Haha, that would fully happen. I may actually include something like that in the story, thanks for the suggestion :P And definitely with he and James competing over Quidditch. There's no way that wouldn't happen.
I ship Amber/Nathan. So much.
Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
I love this story! It's really unique and a great read. Your spelling and grammar is excellent; I haven't found any typos or anything to call you up on :) Your characterisation of Lily and the other characters is fantastic, particularly their interactions with each other- I love Hugo especially. The idea of a wizard university in Greece with students from all around the world is brilliant. Your module names- ahh, so good! I sort of want to study them :D What will they do when they have the Voldemort studies and realise who Lily's Dad is? It did made me chuckle with the "Harry Potter who?"- the one time someone doesn't know her Dad, they would know her Mum! I'm really loving this, and can't wait to read more soon.
10/10 Report Review
Oh my god. This is brilliant. Albus and June and Albus being all cute and actually sort-of flirting and gahh i loved it.
Go June for conjuring up that table! It's about time she needs to learn that she isn't actually that bad at stuff and to stand up for herself.
Lorcan and Lysander are such cutie-pies. I actually adore them. And the fact that Lysander fancies Trista is just too adorable. His gushing over her is so sweet, he's so star struck bless him. What we saw of Roxanne as well was good, she seems very nice.
AHH. I think this might be my favourite chapter yet.Author's Response: I love the random letters at the top! XD
And thank you! I'm glad you like ~mysterious~ Albus being mysterious once more.
Eeep, I'm really happy you liked it! ^_^ Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Hi, it is JessicaLily from the forums with your Birthday gift! Happy Birthday!
This is absolutely amazing. Seriously. I have never read a fic before that highlights the Slughorn/Lily relationship so perfectly. Most authors seem to dislike Slughorn, and tend to make him into the bad guy but your characterisation of him is fab, as is the characterisation of Lily. Your story is unique in that it contains some James/Lily, yet they are the not the two main characters; it develops a different friendship that is lovely to read about. Your comment on her seeing him as almost a fatherly figure is poignant and helps us to understand why they have such a close relationship, especially since canon dictates that her Father must have died shortly after this took place.
Your descriptive passages are so vivid that I almost felt as if I was there alongside them; I really value good description and this was definitely a great example. Your snippets that hint at their era (the bellbottom jeans, the pineapple) really add in that extra dimension and show you to be someone who really cares about what they are writing.
I do not really have any complaints with this- it is a lovely one-shot that I will be adding to my favourites swiftly.
10/10 Report Review
Hi, it is JessicaLily from the forums with your Birthday gift! So…Happy Birthday!
I loved this story. It is short and sweet, yet allows us to get a good grasp on the Teddy/Victoire relationship. I do love these two; there is something just so endearing about them.
Your characterisation of Victoire in this one-shot was quite unusual; so often we see her as either a mini Fleur with beautiful silver hair, or a bit of a nasty piece of work. Your portrayal of her as shy and antisocial with *gasp* red hair was quite unique, but I really enjoyed it. It added an extra dynamic to the story their relationship. As opposed to Victoire being the perfect child who anyone would adore, it was interesting to see Teddy be the only person who noticed her. However, you did not make this cliche. It is a realistic interpretation of their relationship.
Your spelling and grammar was on the whole very good- only one iffy bit which was: The truth was, she was intimidated, Victoire liked her own space and with a family of this capacity, space was at a minimum. There should be a semicolon or full stop after intimidated.
Generally, I really liked your writing style. It is a very flowing and eloquent style that draws you into the story and is pleasant to read.
A great one-shot which I really enjoyed :D Report Review
This is JessicaLily from the forums, and this review really is way overdue! I've been reading this story from the very beginning and kept meaning to review but somehow forgot. I love this story. Albus is one of my favourite HP characters and while your characterisation of him is so so different to what we usually see and I really should hate him, I still just want to squish him slightly. Oops. I now totally ship Junebus. JUNESBUS FOR THE WIN!! I'm so glad that June finally stuck up for herself; it was long overdue.
Your characterisation of each of the characters in this story (and your others) is superb. I truly feel that each character is a real person and I'm fond of all of them- except maybe Rose :P My only complaint is that I wished we saw more of Trista. Since she's one of June's best friends, I feel like we don't know her half well enough!
Priscilla has got to be my favourite character- though that might be because she's a little like me with her sarcasm :/ Some of the things she says are just pure genius which is why I had to nominate one of her lines for the Best Quote Dobby. It had to go acknowledged!
Anyone, 10/10. This time I'll try to keep updated with my reviews. Truly love this story and can't wait for more! Report Review
Yay, you've updated! I love this story; Percy is one of my favourite characters and this is by far my favourite characterisation of Audrey. I enjoyed Audrey's first proper experience of Quidditch; you managed to show how confusing it must be at first very well. Sometimes, i feel like people expect others to see a Quidditch match for the first time and understand it instantly. The scene at the end was very sweet. Go Percy and Audrey! Loved this chapter, 10/10. Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you!
Yeah I think with any kind of sport, if you're not really a big sports person you're going to be really lost, and it definitely takes awhile to catch on to how everything works.
Glad you liked the chapter. :) Report Review
I LOVE this! It's a really original story idea, with a lot of potential. Your grammar and spelling is really good. The characterisation of Lena is amazing, as is that of JKR's characters. I notice you haven't updated in a while; I hope you haven't abandoned this story. It's a real gem! Hope you update soon. 10/10 Report Review
I just read this all in a one-er and I have to say, I absolutely loved it. Your portrayal of Percy as not simply pompous and flat was brilliant- I love Percy and I always felt people never really considered him properly. You rounded him out as a complete character, and although you gave him faults, you highlighted his good points also.
This is the best characterisation of Audrey I've read- usually she's seen as boring, or irritating, or annoying, or totally wild. In this, she's simply normal, which is part of the magic of her character. She's not awe-droppingly amazing. She's what I think Percy needs. She doesn't judge him for what he did during the war (though does she actually know?) and she doesn't overshadow him and pull him into the limelight. She's perfect for him.
Your spelling and grammer is very good. Overall, this story was very enjoyable and has gone on my favourite's list straight away. I can't wait for further updates, and I really look forward to seeing how their relationship progresses.
10/10 Brilliant. Report Review
This is JessicaLily on the forums :) I really liked this fic! I thought it flowed very well, and I liked the starting line for each paragraph, 'Power Consumes'- it shows that it really does consume. The characterisation was good too; the character had faults which was interesting to read about- she really showed that power does consume. The lack of real names added a sense of mystery to it as well, and made it seem like the character was an enigma.
You obviously researched this well, the cultural aspects were really good. Well Done! I really enjoyed this!Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for your review and the fact that you liked it made it even better! :) Anyway, the whole mysterious bit what I was really going for with this. I wanted it to show that anyone, anywhere (hence the nameless bit) can be consumed by power, if they aren't careful.
Thanks again for the review and it was pleasure doing this for your challenge!
~VioletBlade Report Review
Hey, I thought I'd come read this since you mentionned it! I really enjoyed this. I thought your characterisation of Remus was very good, and it was an interesting alternate reason for his hesitance to accept Tonks. My only iffy point was the fact that Remus forgot the moon- but then again, it worked with the plot and didn't ruin the story at all :) The use of ambiguity with keeping the OC unnamed was really good- almost like Remus couldn't even bear to remember the name. Anyways, I really enjoyed this! It's a great one-shotAuthor's Response: Hi! :D
Awh, thank you so much for reading, and reviewing :)
Yes, lots of people have said it's a bit unrealistic, but I suppose it's vital to the story :/
Thank you so much for everything ^_^
-charlotte :) Report Review
This is a very interesting, engaging story. The combination of Neville, Scorpius and Hugo is unlikely, but works very well. Am I right in saying that Scorpius is dating Rose? I just wanted to check, since it's slightly unclear.
At first, Hugo's character was not particularly likeable (to me, at least) but as I continued reading I've began to really like him. He is characterised very well, and your attention to detail is really good. The darker side to his character is beginning to emerge slightly, and I'm very interested in discovering what it is that makes Neville and Scorpius listen to him. I'm also wondering what it is that is driving him exactly to look for the Quidropopot, as I don’t think it's just Marjie (who is a nice character- I look forward to seeing more of her). I suppose it must be hard living up to his parents' reputation, and that of his elder sister, and I'm intrigued to see how you deal with that. I also enjoy discovering the different sides to his personality
Neville is characterised perfectly- his mannerisms are very in keeping with what we know of him from JKR, and out of all the teachers, I think he's the most likely to be susceptible to helping a young boy. Scorpius, also, is a very well-written, and I like how you've given him added dimension, and not made him just another mini-Draco.
Your inclusion of ancient mythology was great- I'm actually just about to study the Bacchae in Classical Civilisations, so I enjoyed that aspect of it. The way Hugo seems to fit in more with outsiders and other times is very interesting.
I can't wait to read more, and to see whether Hugo find the Quidropopot! 10/10, and this is definitely being added to my favourites.Author's Response: Thank you! Neville is one of my favorite characters, and I got tired of putting off a story about him. I thought that the combination also seems unexpected and unlikely, but I'm glad that the way it's working out seems to be believable.
Rose and Scorpius are dating. This becomes more important/prevalent in the later chapters. I've gotten some reviews confused about this before, and I have to apologize. From my point of view, while writing it, I'm so focused on developing Hugo and his plot that up till here the other characters are really just lenses to view Hugo from, and I haven't made all the little things specific or clear in that...however, I do have a planned momentum for the way that I'm releasing and withholding information--certain details will come into play when they're most important. Didn't just want to spill my guts about them all at once, since like in real life, you never really find everything out about a person right at once.
Haha I've heard a few times that Hugo was problematic at first. I'm pretty neutral when it comes to thinking people should like/dislike my characters--I like to think that I portray them honestly, and then you as readers can make up your minds about them :) Hugo had to be exaggerated a little bit because it's a shorter (for me) story, and the way that I imagined writing it was almost as a musical theatre piece that's so far gone from reality so as to be ridiculous when compared against it but believable in its own right. Hugo especially is like this for me in this story.
You'll definitely understand why Hugo's looking in the coming chapters. I've got it all planned! In the meantime, you can feast on the suspense ;)
I'm not sure that I would use the particular word "dark," but rather "deep." I think he has a part about him that he lets other people overlook because he himself doesn't really know who he is. But glad that, in whatever form, you're seeing some complexity :)
I'm so glad you like Neville! I try to be pretty canon about him because I love him so much as JKR wrote him!
I like the idea that Scorpius, with infamous ancestry, has the strength and bravery, as well as the fortunate opportunity, to become different. Draco has a weak character, but Scorpius needed to be strong--I put him in Gryffindor because of this.
I love ancient mythology! It's very intriguing, and I feel that it intersects with JKR's world nicely.
Thank you, in conclusion, for the lovely review! I'm excited for this story, too, even though I already have it planned from front-to-back :)
I loved this! It's very different from anything I've read before, but I enjoyed it. Your descriptions are beautiful, and the words have a sort of lyrical quality to them that's very pleasant to read! I think Minerva was characterised extremely well, and I loved how you captured her stream of consciousness; this could have been difficult to follow, but I felt you made it flow. Plus, there was a message to this fic- it wasn't just another angst filled novel, which was very refreshing!Author's Response: thank you so much! i tried to base it off a poem i wrote for minerva...so that might have to do with the lyrical quality of the language :D
i'm so happy that you believe my minerva--severe stress over this, my dear, severe stress. i'm glad that the flow filled in some of the gaps. i often find that with stream of consciousness this is the purpose of the rhythm since there isn't really the expected coherence.
thank you so much for reviewing, and i'm terribly sorry that it's taken me so long to respond! i really, really appreciate the time that you've taken to review all of my stories, it made my valentine's day amazing! Report Review
Once again, a beautifully written one-shot! Your characterisation of Bill and Fleur were right on the mark, and I enjoyed reading a story of them being in love, yes, but elderly as opposed to when they first met, or when Fleur met Molly. It was incredibly sweet, especially with the flowers on the doorstep. It was refreshing to have a Valentine's Day fic where the couple were doing something for another couple, as well as themselves, instead of just portraying a date. 10/10Author's Response: thank you so much!!! (*dances*)
i wanted to do something different. my first thought upon getting the couple for the challenge was ick, because i'd never done them and because i thought it would be too easy. i waited a while for inspiration to hit, and after i decided that they were going to be elderly, it just came! :)
so glad you like it :D thanks for the review, so so much! Report Review
Wow! I love this! Your way with words is very enjoyable, and the fic itself was very moving. You almost had me in tears by the end. This was a very unique interpretation of Fabian Prewett- usually, he's portrayed as a joker, never serious, but I enjoyed your perception of him and his relationship with his sister. The beginning was very different, and made me want to read the rest of the one-shot to see what it was about. You tied it in very well at the end. Well done!Author's Response: yep, fabian is usually a jokester. i think that he is, personally, but i wanted to capture a somber moment in his life. i think that he had to have had some like this in order to be so willing to join the order and eventually die for what he believed in.
hehe the beginning is a direct quote from James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. To be honest, going into this, I didn't have a very clear idea of what I was going to write--I just typed in the quote and began writing. It all formed in the process of being written, and I've left it virtually unchanged except for some minor grammatical edits and word choice here and there to maintain the integrity of the stream of consciousness that erupted from my fingertips!
i'm glad that the ending worked well for youĂ˘Â€Â”
thank you SO much for these reviews! reading through them agains just makes me smile :D :D
I found this just after I'd finished my psychology class on Freud- it's fate! And the valentine's gift exchange but hey! Anyway, I really enjoyed this. It's an incredibly original take on a well-known pairing, and I loved the psychological elements to it- Pavlov's Dogs made me laugh. Your characterisation of Draco is really good, and in keeping of what we know of him. I loved Luna as a therapist- she's perfect for it in a slightly twisted way. And the 'This is my husband' part was brilliant- poor Draco! Your Blaise is brilliant- we know so little about him, and I love reading of him, so this was perfect. Favourite part was probably when Draco was explaining to Blaise what transference meant. Best. Explanation. Ever. 10/10 This is definitely going onto my favourites, and I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: hehe i love studying Freud! even if his theories aren't still widely accepted today, i think it's fascinating, especially what he believed about the separation of the parts of the mind and personality :)
the characterization of draco is admittedly much to the credit of my amazing co-writer! i hadn't read many fics starring him, but one thing i'm good at is coming up with stupid insults, so i could attribute to that bit of his character :P
gahk i'm glad you believe luna's character. she's the most OOC i think here...
bahahah poor blaise! i love making him look dumb--uh oh, maybe this is something about me that i should know...note to self: you take glee in presenting characters as dumb!
hehe so glad you appreciated the whole rambling Report Review
Very original! I've never found a story before told from a boggart's point of view, so it was interesting. The way the boggart tought was quite funny as well- and i liked how you had the boggart being annoyed because he was being used by Harry. It was well-written as always. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! I was racking my brains for an interesting "unsung" hero and my sister mentioned Filch, but I don't really think that I would have been able to do anything nice for him in this context (I did write a story about him incorporating all of my week's vocabulary terms once in my first year of high school, though, for my English teacher)...so I got to thinking about Filch's cabinet and all the files he had in there and then it hit me! I'm glad that the persona is believable in its own way, too.
Thank you so much for leaving me all the reviews! (:squee!:) It really made my valentine's day, and I'm still just fairly glowing about it. :) Report Review
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