Finally, Sandreiah's making a stand! The idea of her writing a letter was brilliant. Personally I would have confronted the girl face to face and would have told her exactly what I thought of her - but a letter works brilliantly too. I can't wait to finally meet Roxanne and figure out what kind of a person she is and what she has to say for herself. I despise Lysander of course; I can't wait to see his reaction when he finds out what Sandreiah has done - it'll be funny to see him panick and attempt to worm his way out of the situation.
I really like Iris's character - I could totally see myself behaving the way that she did in this kind of situation. If it wasn't for her, Sandreiah probably wouldn't have sent the letter, so I'm glad Iris managed to bring her to her senses. Now that's weird, because I never imagined myself to be capable of uttering a positive word about Pansy Parkinson or any other member of her family.
I really enjoyed this chapter and I'm very anxious to see what'll happen when Roxanne gets her awaited letter. Lysander thoroughly deserves what's coming to him - hopefully Roxanne will dump him as well and he'll be left with nobody.
Anyway: a brilliany chapter, I really enjoyed this!
- Katie -
PS: Another lovely chapter image; you've gotten so good at making graphics Deana! Report Review
Oh dear. So he's playing both of them then? Ugh, he makes me feel physically sick! We haven't actually met Roxanne yet, so it's difficult to sum her up, but from what I know about her already I think that Sandreiah did a top-notch job of summing her up in four syllables: home-wreck-ing-slut! I'm sorry, but is Lysander a complete idiot? I mean it's one thing that he's attempting to date two girls at the same time, but a complete other that he actually thinks he won't get caught in the process. I'm surprised she was so cool about it the first time round; if it was me I would have dumped him and in the most humiliating way humanly possible so that his reputation was so tattered and unfixable that nobody would ever dare speak to him ever again - she should listen to her brother; he knows what he's talking about!
Lol, I just realised: Roxanne and Roxandreah both have the same nickname - Every time I read the word Roxanne now i'm compelled to think of Sandreiah's mother. If my boyfriends 'other girl' had the same name as my mother, I probably wouldn't be able to look my mother in the eye for months, it'd just be too weird for me.
I like the way this story is headed. I wonder how Sandy (can I call her that because Sandreiah's a bit of a mouthful and I'm very eager to read the next chapter) will decide to go about dealing with this revelation. Will she confront him straight away, or will she keep quiet and sneakily attempt to sabotage Lysander and Roxanne's relationship? Ooh, I'm excited! Off to read next chapter as soon as I hit the 'publish review' button.
- Katie -
PS: Your chapter image is gorgeous; love the colouring and image quality on it! Report Review
Oh no he didn't! He's cheating on her with Roxanne! I just know it! I assume that's why Rose hasn't told Scorpius absolutely everything that she knows; she wants to protect her cousin.
Ugh, I hate him hate him hate him - cannot stand cheating love rats; I've had bad experiences with them in the past which have made my stomach turn. Seriously, my sympathy goes out to Sandreiah. How dare he cheat on her! I hope he gets exactly what's coming to him.
New character new character...and it's SCORPIUS - one of my favourite Next Gen characters. Considering this is your first experience writing him; I think you did a brilliant job! I like how eager he is to look out for his little sister; it's nice to know that Sandreiah atleast has him to turn to seeing as Lysander has decided to behave like a total waste of space. Ugh - I can't wait to see Sandreiah get her own back on him.
This is exciting; I get the feeling that everything is about to come to blows in the next chapter. I'm anxious to go and read it now so i'll keep this short.
Loved this chapter; I'm very excited to see how this story will develop in the future.
- Katie - Report Review
Hey Deana; here with my review for Chapter Three!
Honestly, I can't help but laugh at these two; one minute they're furious at eachother, the next they can't keep their hands off eachother. I'm interested to discover exactly what Lysander will do to drive their relationship to such a point where there is no room for forgiveness but plenty for revenge. I can imagine that the 'other girl' will almost certainly have something to do with it though. I've already commented on Sandreiah and Lysander's characters in previous reviews, so in this one I'll focus on Lorcan:
What can I say? I love him! One minute he's glaring daggers at Sandreiah, and the next he's completely turned on Lysander and giving her appreciative smiles. I really like the way you've characterized him; not making him out to be the exact duplicate of his twin - it's nice to see a variation n their characters, you don't often see that in stories with these two in.
That last line: 'If only I had know then how everything was about to change. I would have gotten away while I still had the chance.' has got me anxious now. What's going to happen??? I'll just have to wait and see.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Again; you've done such a good job of telling the story, keep it up.
- Katie - Report Review
DEANA!!! I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to get this review to you. I've been so busy on the forums, what with the House Cup going on, and on top of that my real life has been IN-SANE! I'm just so relieved that I've managed to find some free time recently.
I-really-hate-Lysander!!! How dare he say all of that stuff to her about her personality and dress-sense; I mean, that's just pure rudeness! He made it sound as though she was inconveniencing him simply for being herself. If I was Sandreah I would dump his ass and then totally get revenge by humiliating him in front of the entire school.
I really adore how you've characterized Sandreah; she embodies traits from both of her parents, but at the same time she has that streak of individuality about her - she's not afraid when it comes to expressing herself and being true to who she is. I also admire how loyal she is to her family and doesn't like it when anybody offends them. She's obviousy a very strong protagonist and I hope, for her sake, that she gets her revenge on Lysander. In my opinion he'd throroughly deserve it!
I love how creative you are Deana. The Preperation sounds awesome - like something that could really exist in the Wizarding World you know? Not just in this story either, but in all of your stories, like the gypsies for example - you have such an awesome imagination!
You wrote this chapter very well. I particularly enjoyed the way that you told the story in general; you always provide so much detail, not just in the character's surroundings but also in the dialogue as well. I like the general story so far, it has a lot of potential at the moment; I'm interested to see how the plot will unravel and how the characters will develop. I'm also quite excited to meet this Roxanne girl; she sounds like a potential villain in this whole thing, though I could be wrong; I'll just have to wait and see won't I.
Excellent job Deana! I thoroughly enoyed reading this!
- Katie - Report Review
CONGRATULATIONS!!! This chapter has officially boosted this story up to a whole new level of amazing. Don't get me wrong, the first four chapters were really good and entertaining, but the background tale to Oliver and Keegan's relationship in this chapter just added a whole new dimension to the story. They've gone from being lovable and cliche to...a genuinely believable, meant-for-eachother duo that you can't help but fall in love with. Honestly, they're right up there on my all-time favourite HPFF story ships along with 'Delicate's' Rose and Scorpius and 'We Gryffies' James and Tegan!
I've never noticed before how funny Elbie and Miranda actually are. When Miranda threatened him with the possibility of him being forbidden to ever touch her body again I just burst out laughing!!! I know this is the least surprising element of the chapter but still, I have to ask, ADAM AND KEEGAN??? When? How? Why? I never considered him to be anything more significant in Keegan's life than an annoying teammate that she's fond of deep down. It'd be awesome to hear more about that; Adam's a really interesting and funny character, it'd be fun to learn more about him.
I felt so sorry for Keegan after hearing her story about her mother and Oliver; I just wanted to throw my arms around her and give her a big big hug. It's weird to imagine Oliver and Keegan being friends at one point in the past, but at the same time it adds a sense of realism to their dispute against one another; it's clear that there's an extremely significant reason for Keegan's strong dislike of him buried deep down inside which removes any opportunity for cliche.
Oliver seemed to show genuine concern for Keegan in this chapter near the end, having heard her reason for disliking him which I thought was so cute. It would have been so romantic if he'd grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving, swung her around to face him and kissed her passionately on the lips. We're ony 5 chapters in though lol, so unfortunately nothing will probably happen between the two for a while.
Poor Keegan, I hope the match goes well for her and Flint doesn't try anything (hopefully if he does, Wood will save her - I found it so cute that he chose to warn her about him).
I loved this! The story just gets better and better with every chapter!
- Katie -Author's Response: Can you be ANY MORE awesome, Katie?? Oh my god, this review has officially made my entire life. I know I said that two reviews down but SERIOUSLY!! I love you I love this review I love all of the compliments... thank you so unbelievably much!! It means the world to me and once again I'm so sorry for the lateness of these replies!!! Thanks! Report Review
Oh Prea, I am in love with this story! It has to be one of my favourite Wood/OC fics on the site...and that's saying something because I've read a LOT of Oliver/OC stories. The thing I love the most about it would have to be the chemistry between Keegan and Wood; it's as addictive as sunshine and Diet Cola and...what do you call those chocolate biscuits with the chocoalte in the middle? As addictive as them. Well, you get the general gist of what I'm talking about right now. I'm excited now because I think he likes her. There's all of these subtle hints; like his interest in her feelings about Justin and the way he looks at her and that scene where he said that she was 'likeable'. Does the whole thing with Flint suggesting that Wood thinks she's fit count? I dunno, maybe lol. Though then again, maybe Wood only wants people to think that to make Keegan think that so that he can seduce her and affect her play in Quidditch. My brain's starting to hurt again lol. Never the less I love all of the mystery! You write Wood so well; everything from his dialogue to his behaviour makes me swoon - and Keegan's reactions to his subtle advances is comic class. Lol, she calls him all the names under the sun and he just grins to wind her up more; they're a match made in heaven and I desperately want them to get together.
You did a good job characterizaing Flint - he's such a slimy git in the books and it came through in this chapter as well. Eurgh, I hate girls like Amanda - Keegan's reaction to Amanda telling her to 'back the fuck off' was priceless; another reason why I think she's such an ACE character! I'm pretty sure that Keegan would own her in a fight if it came down to it; and that would just be hilarious to witness!
I love the Ravenclaw's so much. Still trying to match the names with the characters though. Ok, so Seamus is the cuddly big-bear type of guy (kind of reminds me of Emmett from Twilight for some weird reason). I really like him; he seems sweet and he has great chemistry with Keegan! Elbie is Miranda's boyfriend, and Miranda is Keegan's witty best friend right? Loved her and Lucy in this chapter; everytime they yelled WHAT and attracted all of that unwanted attention from the rest of the Great Hall I had to laugh out loud. And then there's Marcus and Lizzie who seem nice but I don't really know much about yet (except that Marcus got injured by the Weasley twins in their last match and they insist it wan't there fault but in fact Wood's), oh, and that they're going out of course. Adam is just one of those characters that I really really like. I know he's like quite a minor character, but I think that he has the potential for great comedy and if you included him in the story even more, then a LOT could be done with him.
Bless Justin, he's so cute. I think it's funny that Wood thinks its funny that he likes Keegan, but I suspect he's also a bit jealous too - well probably not anymore now that Keegan's confirmed that she doesn't like him - but still, that could suggest that he likes her. I definitely think Keegan needs to start fancying someone...and that person needs to be WOOD! I have a sneaking suspicion that Diggory may somehow become involved in the complex though - or was the timing of his arrival in the chapter just a coincidence?
I loved this chapter! I love this story! Off to read more right now. Really I should scold you for writing such a good story that it has now distracted me from my House Cup duties lol.
Seriously though, keep up the brilliant work!
- Katie -Author's Response: Hahahaha Katie omg another review that has me LOLing... Thank you so very fricking much you are truly one of the best reviewers EVER. And ah I'm so happy how much you love my characters thank you so much!!! :D I dont even know what to say but I'm off to read more of your reviews and reply them even though I'm a year late in that :P Report Review
Oh boy oh boy oh boy! DID HE SERIOUSLY JUST TRY TO KISS HER??? This is going to frustrate me now, I can just tell. He might have been about to kiss her, or he could have been joking, or he could have been about to kiss her to try and get her on his side so that it'd be easier for him to beat her at Quidditch. My brain's taken a beating here lol. Does he like her? Or does he just enjoy making Keegan think that he likes her? I want him to like her, that's one thing I'm definitely sure about.
Ha lol, I just read your response to my first review. Yes, I would be FREAKING out big time! Villa, Casillas, Fabregas, Torres and Pedro all in suits; stuff that dreams are made of Prea!
Hmm, I wonder what's provoking all of this new attention from guys like Justin and Wood? That's so bloody typical lol; you go through your early teenage years and get completely ignored by the goodlooking guys right up until that age where you start to look like an adult, and then all of a sudden it's like they're noticing you for the first time. In all honesty, it was quite funny watching Keegan struggle to handle the whole situation, and her reaction to the kiss was just priceless. 'I like Justin Dodgson!' - Oh dear, that one's going to come back and bite her in the butt, I can just sense it!
Wooh, HOORAY FOR AGREEING THAT WOOD IS SMEXY! Love love love him in this! You can never tell whever he's flirting with Keegan or just messing with her (or maybe in some weird kind of twisted way he's doing both if that makes any sense at all); but either way I just love him - his character in this story is utterly swoon-worthy! Love him!
I can't compliment Keegan enough; she's the perfect protagonist for this story and without a doubt more than a match for Wood! I really liked how you wrote the Weasley twins as well; they were definitely in character. I can't wait to see how each of them intend to woo Keegan on their dates - my money's on George to win though lol ;)
I really liked this chapter; it definitely has to be my favourite one so far with a bullet; I just couldn't stop laughing. Also, I forgot to mention her brother in my previous reviews; he seems like a nice guy. I'm interested to see whether or not they'll be any subplots for him in the future that could bring out the 'big-sister' role in Keegan.
I also think that you wrote this really well, and the humor and diaogue in this chapter was also brilliant - there were definitely some laugh-out-loud moments in there, I can tell you.
- Katie -Author's Response: Holy merlin, Katie... this review has totally just made my entire life. I love you so much for saying all those things it has definitely made me so giddy. Thank you and gahhh, I know right? Oliver is just so drool-worthy I adore him and Keegan is a little spitfire. She is definitely his match and then some ;) Hahaha aww well thank you, hun. I really hope you're still reading because there's plenty more to come! Thanks again! Report Review
Lol, another brilliant chapter here Prea! I just love the chemistry between Keegan and Wood; he obviously adores winding her up just as much as she adores hating him. Granted, their relationship borders ever so slightly on being cliche, but there's no harm in that - cliches can be fun when handled correctly, and I think you're doing a magnificent job on that front!
I also really adore the Ravenclaw Quidditch team; there's an interesting mix of personalities in there with the potential to make this story all the more interesting. I admire the fact that you haven't chosen to make your OC a Gryffie. I'm sick and tired of having to constantly read Oliver/OC material that focuses on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. It's refreshing to see some new characters in the lineup; I've already told you how much I love your OC's, so I'm very interested to see how you develop these ones. I've taken a particular liking to Adam; he strikes me as a wizarding world version of the infamous Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl (Ed Westwick is practically drool-worthy).
I admit that I've seen the whole Oliver/OC, love/hate scenario many times before in previously-read stories, but I really like the twist that you've decided to put on it. This Quidditch camp thing strikes me as interesting; the teachers are practically forcing Oliver and Keegan to work together (and I'm guessing that that won't end particularly well knowing those two). It sounds like the perfect opportunity for chaos and scheming if you ask me, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
And the ante sounds great as well; hopefully there'll be a nice little romantic outcome to that ball involving two certain characters in this story - again, I'll just have to wait and see.
Also, you've written this brilliantly. I really adore the dialogue used by all of the characters; it's so witty and fun to read. Don't dare change a thing lol! This story is brilliant so far!
- Katie -Author's Response: Katie!! I dont know if you'll even read this since you said you were leaving hpff :( and I'm sorry I never responded till now (but I took a hiatus as well) but I appreciate this so much!! I love your reviews.. thank you!! And I know a little cliche but... hopefully I made it work?? I dont know why I keep doing love/hate stories but theyre just so much fun! :P Thanks again!! Really miss you around here! Report Review
PREA! It's been too long now since I've last read anything that you've written. I almost forgot how amazing your stories are! I've been waiting for you to do a Wood fanfic ever since you told me that you liked Sean Biggerstaff lol, so it was awesome to visit your authors page today and realise that there was one up - and what's more, it's centred around QUIDDITCH (which, if you haven't already guessed, I absolutely love).
I forgot how great your OC's are. Keegan is brilliant; really funny and full of life! I can definitely relate to her. Lol, if that was a party about football, and there were hot players invited, then I would so totally have been there too and probably late like Keegan faffing about with my appearance lol. Ha ha, don't tell me that certain Spanish fitties didn't come into your mind whilst you were writing that bit, I know you too well.
QUOTE: 'Seriously... Sometimes a girl just has to take a step back and go "Sweet Merlin, I look good!" or else we'd go crazy with stupid teenage insecurities. ' - Honestly, well said, and funny too (well it definitely got a laugh out of me, that's for sure)!
Aw, and can I just say, your Chapter Image is B-yoo-ti-full! I've not seen your TDA gallery in ages, but by the looks of things you're probably well on your way to becoming a Staff Artist (if you're not then that's criminal because you so totally deserve it)!
I think that the word I'm looking for is 'anyway'. Lol, back to the review.
I also love all of the agressive language in this. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea (urgh, did I seriously just use a golden oldie phrase?) but personally I think all of the 'bloodys' and 'gits' are hilarious and really make both Keegan's character and the general dialogue come alive with the humor of the story.
I aso really love how Oliver and Keegan interact. The whole love/hate/proud/stubborn/competetive scenario that's sure to unwind definitely has a lot of potential for humor and excitement in the future of this story. I can't wait to see how this all unravels.
I really loved this! Off to read and review more!
- Katie -
PS: OMFG! Oliver was brilliant in this, I was literally drooling every time he spoke lol.Author's Response: Omg Katie!! You're amazing for giving me such a lovely review!! you always have given me the best reviews ever and I'm so glad you're reading this!!
First of all, yes yes I was thinking of a football gala hehe. I always think of how AMAZING it'd be to go to a football event with all those sexy footballers... I would SOO take forever getting ready. Like professional hair and everything! But I don't think I'd be as composed as Keegan... I'd be more like OMG OMGOGMOGMOG VILLA? TORRES??? CASILLAS??? *cries and faints* LOL... I know you'd be freaking out with me ;)
ANYWAY back to the review. Awe yeah the language is a bit harsh, isn't it?? It's just... in real life, I curse like a sailor but I didn't want to use curse words in every sentence and thought this would be a nice alternative. Although they're pretty harsh as well, they seem to sound a bit nicer than the f word, you know? :) Glad it is YOUR cup of tea though ;) heh heh.
I'm so glad you love Oliver. It's a bit over the top I admit the interaction, but I like it. I mean I had reviews saying it's a bit cliche, but you know what? Boo on them cause I like my story hehe. But I'm glad you enjoyed it!! And gahhh, thank you for the lovely TDA compliment.. I'm not ready for Staff yet but maybe someday soon :)
Thanks again for the AMAZING review!!
xxx Report Review
It's Katie (JaneTwilight) here from the forums. Gina(justonemorefic) who won the SOTM award for best quote generously insisted that each of the other nominees in that category recieve one of her reviews so yay - I've come down here to read and review one of your stories.
I hope it's ok that I chose this particular One-Shot; I saw that you'd provided a link for it in your about me page on the forums and assumed that you'd want feedback on this story in particular.
It's weird; I spend so much time on the archives reading pieces of work from authors whose writing styles are mediocre, so as you can imagine, when I come across a bunch of my fellow 'claws stories and realize they have AMAZING writing styles I'm pleasantly surprised. And just to clarify, your writing style IS amazing Marina! I'm totally in awe of it right now! Every picture that you paint and every emotion you describe is as clear as the next.
I must admit that I'm not a massive fan of slash, but regardless of this fact, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this One-Shot. For one, you've selected Slytherins as your chosen characters (who I absolutley love to read about). Where One-Shots are concerned, amazing characterization is never a requirement, because author's simply don't have the length of fanfiction required to develop and define them to a great extent. Despite this however, I think you managed Daphne's characterization exceptionally well. Every thought and emotion that she had was described with great accuracy and realism, there were no cliche points and for the limited time I spent reading about her, you did a great job establishing her major traits, and also how jealous she was of Pansy and Blaise's relationship.
Eek! A cliffhanger! What happens next? Does she kill him? I'm guessing you won't be telling lol. Anyway, a very effective way to end the story - the perfect dose of drama to such a dark and angsty story.
What can I say? I mean usually now I'd be offering constructive advice on how to better this story but I simply can't fault it!
Really liked this Marina, and if your writing style is a beautiful in all of your stories as it is in this One-shot, then I think you'll be seeing me reading and reviewing a lot more of your work in future.
So proud of all of my fellow 'claws for being such 'clawsome writers.
- Katie -Author's Response: Thank you so much, Katie :) Report Review
Hattie! You're killing me here! WHY CAN I NOT WRITE LIKE YOU???
I literally read again this out loud from start to finish just so that I could fully appreciate how amazing your writing is. And it was practically pouring with emotion, I'm dying to get to grips with the story behind all of this angst. WHAT DID SHE DO TO MAKE HIM LIKE THIS? Gah, it's driving me crazy lol! There's obviously something going on in her head that Teddy can't seem to decipher by the looks of things. I like the underlying theme of mystery that runs through this, it coexists with your writing style so very well.
What can I say - by now I'd be offering constructive critisism if I was reviewing somebody else's work, but once again you've produced another faultless chapter. I'm desperate to have some of these questions answered though, be sure to stop by my profile and leave a comment to let me know when the next chapter of this story is up, just incase I miss the update.
It's been so much fun reading and reviewing this story. Loved it! Already favourited!
- Katie -Author's Response: *Blushes profusely* Thank you so much, Katie! You give me such an ego-boosy!
Victoire is a bit crazaaay. She's obsessed with her own and other's immortality - hence the obsession with killing herself and others. She thinks she is an angel. She looks like one, Teddy treats her like one. She obviously doesn't fit anywhere on earth because of her psychopathic tendencies. She is incapable of love, but does love Teddy. She talks about him as if he is merely her companion, someone to keep her company.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story... I will definitely comment and things, seeing as the story is now -finished- (I am taking forever to respond to my review!).
Thanks again! ♥ Report Review
Hey Hattie! It's Katie here with another review for you.
Argh! Just spent twenty-five minutes writing a review for this chapter, only to find that when you press the 'backspace' key on your laptop, and you haven't clicked on the review box, you lose all of your work. Anyway, never mind that (I'll just have to copy my work every minute or so), on with the review!
All I can say is wow! Just wow! It's literally the only word that I can muster up right now that comes even close to describing how awe-inspiring and faultless this chapter was. I know I must be sounding like a broken record to you by now but your writing style is simply fantastic! Pure poetry! Oh, and your descriptions were beautiful; you painted clear, coulourful pictures in my head, I felt like I was there, seeing everything that Teddy was seeing, feeling everything that he was feeling. Just out of curiosity, what literature do you read? Honestly, if there are authors or poets out there that you are learning these amazing writing techniques from, then I'm heading down to the book store first thing tommorow and spending my week's wages on them - that's how much I want your talent! I am literally going to steal your talent lol!
I really like the story so far. Again, it was quite ambiguous with a multitude of unexplained answers left teetering around the edges of the plot, but personally I think that it contributes so much to the overall impact of the story. I really want to know what Victoire has done to make Teddy feel this way. I like your portrayal of her; she seems colder and more insensitive than I'm used to her being in other stories, but I personally think that it makes for a nice change and really fits in with the mood of the story. I find it interesting that she wants to be ugly; you don't often see that with her character - she's usually so very vain and secure wherever her looks are concerned - but yeah, again, it makes for a nice change.
I have no critisisms to offer you (which is again, very frustrating for me). Another flawless chapter. I can't wait to see how you develop this.
- Katie -Author's Response: Hi Katie!
Curse you, backspace scum! I hate it when that happens, especially when you spent so long on it! I once wrote a massive review - about 600 words - and that happen. Pretty sure I cried and ended up just writing 'well done, that was awesome. Update soon!'. The author never knew what they could have been in for.
Again, thank you so much for your lovely comments. They really do make my day. Descriptions are the bane of existence - whether there's too much so people get dragged down by one too many descriptions of someone's dress, whether there's too little so people have no clue what is going on, whether I'm describing the -right- thing (particularly important in Dominique for clues and that). Especially with this style, you need to get the balance right; it's very simple, very condensed in some places, and sometimes I just find myself describing the colour of Victoire's lips or the paleness of her skin or the moonlight and the shadows. Emotions are more difficult, more complex.
Which books do I read? Just the classics. The Great Gatsby, Room With A View, a bit of Ian McEwan and Cormac McCarthy, A Clockwork Orange, Brighton Rock... stuff like that.
Victoire is a bit crazaaay. She's obsessed with her own and other's immortality - hence the obsession with killing herself and others. She thinks she is an angel. She looks like one, Teddy treats her like one. She obviously doesn't fit anywhere on earth because of her psychopathic tendencies. She is incapable of love, but does love Teddy. She talks about him as if he is merely her companion, someone to keep her company.
Thanks for another wonderful review!
It's Katie/JaneTwilight from the forums here with your well-deserved SOTM reviews. I'm really sorry that it took me so long to get to you. I haven't had a decent enough length of time to spare in which I could sit down and read and review your work (I always take half an hour to write just one review) and I've been so busy on the forums with other responisbilities that it's just been impossible to get here. Whilst scrolling along your author's page, I spotted this particular story which consists of my favourite ship of all time! Even more so, I absolutely love the Next Generation era (very rarely read anything else on the archives). Anyway, enough with the rambling. On with the review!
The good news is, this was FANTASTIC! And the bad news is - I couldn't fault this chapter (bad for me anyway, because I'm usually quick to pick up on any poor points apparent in a person's work - you've made me doubt my ability lol).
In all honesty, I don't think I've read a story so refreshingly well-written in a long time. When reading your work in the past, I've tended to notice that you have a delightfully unique writing style. Your colourful and vivid use of description is almost poetic and definitely something that I am in awe of. I wish that I had the talent and ability
to comprise my own writing with so many metaphors, similes, beautiful cases of imagery and personifications that flow with the writing as effortless as yours do. This is the main reason why I nominated your story 'Dominique' for the SOTM's best written - it just stood out to me - not only amongst all of the other 'claw stories that I have read in the past, but also amongst every story that I've ever read on the archives (either I have a knack for stumbling across stories with extremely bad authors, or otherwise you are an exceptionally talented writer!)
I happen to be very fond of your portrayal of Teddy in this piece. Usually, when I've come across his character in other stories people tend to depict him as this golden replica of his father; sweet. brave and mature for his age. It's very rare that I have ever witnessed an author focus more on his animalistic traits that come with him being part-werewolf than the traits he has happened to inherit from Remus. I have to thank you for that - it's always such a refreshing experience to see people approaching characters from much more original and realistic angles.
Apart from the above, I don't really see any more aspects of this chapter that I could comment on. What with it being a prologue of sorts, everything at the moment seems to be rather quiet and ambiguous. All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this; it was a truly flawless piece of work.
- Katie -Author's Response: Hi Katie!
No worries about it. We all get very busy, obviously, and that's why I have taken so long to respond to these lovely, lovely reviews. Sorry. Poor effort by me. Thanks for taking the time to do this - I really love 'Victory' because it's different to anything I've ever done, so I'd love some feedback. I had massive qualms about posting it, actually, because TedVic is such a -fluffy- ship. Victoire is always pregnant or in some unrequited love thing with Teddy, but what she does not know is that he loves her back. There's sunshine and unicorns and everyone is happy. This is different. Yeah, it's TedVic, but it's very dark and Teddy's a hunter and Victoire's a crazy pray. Thank you so much for your lovely comments! They give me so much confidence and make my blush and everything. And I'm sure your ability to give constructive criticism is not diminished. :P
Like I said before, this story is completely different to anything I have ever done. It's more poetic - it is so ambiguous. Sorry about that! I love ambiguity, so I thought I'd go a bit mental with it. No names. No nothing. Just excess amounts of flowery language and annoyingly pretentious choppy sentences and Roman numerals and repeated, italicised sections. Heh, apparently you like it. You mention 'Dominique' - a murder mystery that is very heavily focused on plot. Usually I focus more on the plot and, even though I think it's important that the story is well written, writing style usually takes second place. I wanted to try something different. In this story, the plot and writing are so closely interwoven, because I wanted to make Teddy's narration as realistic as possible. It's a lot short, choppy sentences because the rhythm flows wells with the way he's running, and he's obvo thinking of Victoire, so there's some flashbacks/memories thrown in as well.
Victoire is a bit crazaaay. She's obsessed with her own and other's immortality - hence the obsession with killing herself and others. She thinks she is an angel. She looks like one, Teddy treats her like one. She obviously doesn't fit anywhere on earth. And yes, I love writing in second person - it's so hard with the tenses and the feel, but it's great fun.They are both monsters. Victoire has Veela blood in her, as well as her father having some werewolf symptoms. In short, they are both monsters. His is more instinctive - the werewolf cannot control his own actions like when he is in his human form - whereas Victoire is much more a praying mantis/black widow sort of a girl. Vicious, manipulative. A cow. I think that's why they clung to each other, in a way.
Thanks for the wonderful review! Report Review
Despite its lack of content, I have to say that there's substance to this small One-Shot that evokes so much emotion in me. I think that Lucy's situation is definitely something that I can realte to, because it's such a vague yet powerfully compelling storyline.
Your writing is pure prose, there are no unnecessary detours or breaks in the text which I find to be very fitting to the mood and theme of the story. Simple, yet effective.
Katie xAuthor's Response: That's percisely what I was going for! Thank you so much! Report Review
Woah, ok, where should I start? I'm completely in loves with the idea of Roxi and Draco having a child for a start, it's nice to be reassured that things are going to work out between the two characters in AiNFiLaW-as you're already aware I am a massive Roxi/Draco shipper, which makes me immediately like Sandreiah because she's living proof that Roxi and Draco were meant to be - I'll stop being so soppy
now (I'm a sucker for romance ).
You've done a magnificent job of laying down the foundations of this story. You've given the main three characters a good introduction, and you've gotten the readers interested in them. I love Next Generation; thanks to great authors like GryffindorSeeker and Padfoot4ever, it's my favourite era. I also like the Next Gen characters that you've chosen to play leading roles in this story; neither of them tend to be used much in fanfiction, so it makes for a nice change.
Sandreiah is definitely an interesting OC. I love her name (is that weird?), is there any meaning or signifcance behind it? She's not a mary sue which is the most important thing, and so far I really like the sound of her character. I also really like the fact that you've chosen to make her more like her grandfather than her parents - again, original but also quite funny. OMG wait, this means you know how AiNFiLaW ends, does this story contain too many spoilers can I just ask. If it does I'll probably still read it but yeah, thought I'd ask just to be sure.
Storyline sounds great - not too angsty which makes for a nice change (not that I don't love angst in AiNFiLaW - just nice to have a change).
Writing was great, there were a few a few mistakes though -did you get a beta by the way?
Overall great first chapter, can't wait to read more.
xAuthor's Response: Haha, I figured you would like this one Katie!! I thot I told you that Draco & Roxi would end up together tho?? & You're not being too soppy, lol! I'm a bit of a sucker for it too! :p
I'm glad my chosen characters seem to be going over well. At first I thot it would be too unbelievable; a Scamander & a Malfoy, but when you add in the Roxi factor, I think it makes perfect sense, haha!! Not everyone has read AiNFiL&W tho, so not everyone who reads this will know/understand who Sandreiah's mom is. So that's why I kinda have her telling things about her mom throughout the story. Like later on she mentions something abut being born in America, cuz that is where her mom is from...
I don't find it weird at all that you lover her name, lol!! Personally (and I might be a little bit biased here in saying this, but...) I love it too, haha!! It did take me a while to come up with it tho. I had to write a bunch of different names down, and combine several of them together, then once I had it I also had to play around with the spelling in order to get it to look just right. I know you're technically not supposed to put 'too much' thot into naming an Original Character or whatever, but I wanted Roxi & Draco's girl to have a special, unique, and original name. After all, I think it suits the Malfoy family's naming theme rather well, cuz they all have weird/unique names too, haha!! (i.e. Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, Scorpius, and I can't remember Lucius' dads name right now but I know that it was unusual as well, haha!) So there's not really anything special behind it, other than that. It's a name I just came up with here about a week ago when I first started writing this, lol! ^_^'
As far as I know, this will not contain too many spoilers for AiNFiL&W. But if it does have any, I will be sure to put an author's note at the beginning the a chapter in order to warn the people who may be reading that story as well. And of course I know how it ends, I've actually known for a while now, lol! But there are only 4-5 people in the whole world who are in on THAT little secret, hahaha! =P
When I started writing this, I intentionally decided to make it the opposite of AiNFiL&W in every way possible, cuz I wanted to challenge myself to write something totally new and different. After all, that is how we grow as authors, isn't it? Therefore THIS story if light, humorous, a bit more comedic, and is also written in 1st person. Which I am not loving so much btw. Through trying to do something longer than a one-shot in 1st person, I have discovered that I literally hate it, lol! Ok, so maybe I'm being a tad too dramatic, lol, but 1st person is HARD when you're not used to it!! I keep switching tenses all the time, and I NEVER have that problem when writing in 3rd!!! ACK!!! =/
Yes, I do have a Beta now. I hope you're not too mad that I didn't ask you... I just wanted to give you a break, and AiNFiL&W is no where NEAR being finished yet. I mean, we still have to do the rest of the beginning chapters, lol! And I know how busy you are (actually, we BOTH are too busy right now, lol!) so that is why I put in a request for someone new. This is just a small project, something to inspire me and get me back into writing regularly again. My muse simply would not allow me to work on AiNFiL&W until I got the idea fir this little story put down on paper, haha! So trust me hun, we will still be working together on the Novel a LOT this year, haha!! I am in NO WAY leaving you, or leaving AiNFiL&W for this one, k?
I love you hun, and I love everything about this review!! I will definitely be sure to let you know as soon as the next chapter gets posted up!! Thank you for everything you do for me Katie, you are a star!!! (((HUGS))) I'm just so thrilled that you liked this so well, and I cannot wait to hear what you have to say about the rest now!! Oh, and thank you for favoriting it too btw!!! You're the best hun, haha!! =)
Hi there, it's JaneTwilight here from the forums with your review. What can I say? This story was brilliant - I couldn't stop laughing, my sides are literally aching. The Draco/Hermione ship seems to be a poular choice for humor from what I've read of my challenge entries so far. Goodluck, you should hear the results some time later today.
Katie.Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review Katie :D It was a fun challenge. Report Review
Hi there. It's JaneTwilight here from the forums with your review. I have to tell you, I couldn't stop laughing; everybody was to an extent out of character but that just made it all the more humerous. I loved everything about this and there was definitely a lot of laugh-out-loud moments. Goodluck in my challenge, you should get the results some time latert today.Author's Response: Thank you! I loved doing this challenge. I had so much fun writing and just basically letting the characters go. I figured that as soon as I was done, that'd be pretty much it, but people have reviewed asking for more chapters! Which excited me, because I'm like, wow, they loved it. So I may end up turning it in a short story collection or something, with more sessions to when they get released, maybe each one from each characters point of view.
Thanks for the read/review/challenge idea! Happy New Year to you. Report Review
Hi there, it's JaneTwilight from the forums here with yoyr review. I liked this story very much and there were a LOT of laugh out loud moments. Your OC's are very interesting as well. I'll let you know the result later on today; goodluck in my challenge!
KatieAuthor's Response: thanks a lot for the review glad you like it.
Estelle X Report Review
Ha ha! I Loved this! It's JaneTwilight from the forums by the way here with your review.
It was an interesting concept, I will admit, and would I be correct in assuming that this was a parody? There were a LOT of laugh-out-loud moments in here, and I totally LOLLED at the idea of Malfoy smoking on the Astronomy tower.
There was another entry for my challenge that was quite similar to this one but personally I preffered this one-shot, simply because there were more laugh-out-loud moments.
Goodluck in my challenge.
KatieAuthor's Response: hi there!!
thank you hun! Most def a parody! it is the only form of humour I can generally maintain, in a fic that is humour all the way, lol.
hahaha Malfoy. i love him. i love teasing him.
thanks Katie!! I'm glad you liked it because I am the least funny person on the planet!!
Kate xx Report Review
Hi there, this is JaneTwilight from the forums here to leave a review. There was certainly a number of laugh-out-loud moments in this one-shot. I particularly loved the voodoo doll scene. All of the characters were written well and I couldn't find many faults.
Goodluck in my challenge.
Katie Report Review
First of all I would like to apologise for not getting this review to you sooner; I've been so busy with real life these past few months that it's been hard for me to find enough time to read this story.
I will admit, my initial reaction to first seeing the title of this story wasn't an overly enthusiastic one, but now that I've actually read the story, I realise that I completely underestimated the significance that it holds to the tale. I marvel at how cleverly you converted the representation of this emerald brooch from something so pretty and childlike into something a lot more grave and serious.
I'll begin with the general concept of this story. I've always thought that there is a lot of potential material with the Lily/Snape ship, but it's very rare that I ever come across a story involving it that I actually enjoy reading. The usual mistake that people often tend to make is instigated by their misjudgement of Snape's character. They either fail to comprehend his deep love for Lily, or they otherwise make him out to be far too cold and boring. You've hit the nail on the head with his character, no question about it, so kudos for that.
You also characterized Lily and Petunia very well. They almost mirrored the characters in the first few scenes in the chapter entitled 'Snape's Memory' in the seventh book. Lily, in my view, has always been a highly intelligent girl, but sweet and sensetive at the same time and I think that you did a very thorough job of depicting this. I also think you handled Petunia's character brilliantly. Everything from her lack of patience for Snape and Lily to her bossy demeanour was very accurate and precise.
I'm also delighted that you chose to include Snape's parents in this. You have no idea how infuriated I get when I read story after story about Snape, where his parents always go without a mention. I think you characterized Tobias and Eileen well; their arguing added a more sinister tone to the atmosphere and re-established the idea that Lily was perhaps the only joyful element to Severus's life, which of course urges the reader to feel a great deal of sympathy for Severus - so well done for managing to convey that emotion through your writing.
There were a few gramattical errors that I picked up on however:
1. '...Lily was suddenly aware AT how intently Severus stared at her...' should be '...Lily was suddenly aware OF how intently Severus stared at her...'
2. '...He felt her FROZE under the kiss initially...' should be '...He felt her FREEZE under the kiss initially...'
3. '...but THEM quickly relax when she realized it wasnít so bad after all...' should be '...but THEN quickly relax when she realized it wasnít so bad after all...'
Your writing is pure prose; it isn't just a random, unstructured scribble of thought. I also really enjoyed the structure of the storyline; the last part was unexpected, but it rounded the story off in a very sweet way, as though the storm raging outside was reminding Lily of a distant memory. It was very relevant taking into consideration how Lily and Severus's relationship ended in her fifth year, and I think it would be right to assume that she wouldn't have forgotten him, even after she'd married and had James's child.
A very sweet story. I really enjoyed reading this.
KatieAuthor's Response: This review is absolutely amazing--
Not just saying that because it was positive in my favor, but I really see you've put a lot of thought into it. I really appreciate it, and I don't mind at all that it took you a while to get to it *peers towards her tardiness in her own queue*...
Thanks so much for taking the time. I appreciate it so much and I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Report Review
It's JaneTwilight here from the forums. First of all I'd like to apologise for not getting this review to you sooner; I've been really busy this past month with real life, so it's been difficult for me to find enough time to read this lovely one shot of yours.
I'll begin with the dynamics of the Prewett family as that seems to be the most significant element in this story. You've provided the readers with a very thorough depiction of each of the family members; it's nice to see that there are similarities and contrasts between each character, it's adds a new dimension to the family that really succeeds in steering away from any unecessary cliches. I like the fact that the three siblings are united against their mother and her 'ideas' for their future lives. I don't think I've ever come across a Prewett story where Molly's parents try to set her up with 'respectable' purebloods. People tend to assume that because Molly is such a kind-hearted woman, it's perfectly excusable to ignore the obvious fact that she has decended from a pureblood family who are bound to be atleast a little bit prejudice so kudos for bearing that in mind.
Your characterization of Molly and Arthur were both nicely done; I don't have any complaints about either of them. Bill - or Billy even - was adorable, I don't have any complaints about him either (how could I?).
There is however one niggling thing that I feel the need to mention. At the beginning of the story, there's this heavy issue with the Prewett siblings and their mother's high expectations for them. Then however, the story changes to Fabian the family man and I think the flow is interrupted. Nothing ties in at the end and it's hard for me to fully figure out exactly what the purpose of this story is. I know that the general idea is the Prewett's emancipation but for me I don't think you fully got that idea across. I can't put my finger on exactly why, perhaps it's because you've concentrated more on Fabian and Molly rather than Gideon, I just get the feeling that his side of the story remains unresolved.
Your writing was, for the lack of a better word, perfect. I have a sharp eye when it comes to spotting any grammatical flaws and as of yet I have found none in this story. You applied a great consistency of description to your writing and I really enjoyed the composition and flow that your words had.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story; it was a well-written piece with an excellent storyline.
Katie (JaneTwilight)Author's Response: Thank you very much for sur a great and helpful review. I'm happy you enjoyed this piece and really apreciate all your nice comments about it.
I have to say that I fully agree with your misunderstanding; the storyline of Fabian's emancipation is interrupted when it comes to dealing with his parents and their "ideas". At the time, I didn't really know how to incorporate that into the story but as time went on, I realized I could simply add another chapter to this story and this is what i am doing at the moment; trying to close the circle of Fabian (and Gideon too)' s emancipation from their parents' beliefs and plans. When it's done, I would really love to send it to you and see if you consider I achieved my goal!
Once again thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read this piece. Report Review
I'm here for the snowball fight; hopefully I won't get sniped midway through this review. At first I was tempted to read you Lily/James story, but spotting that this little One-Shot was based around the one and only Sirius Black made me change my mind. Now I will be honest, stories based around the marauders era more often than not dissapoint me because people just can't seem to write them properly. I have to say though, this particular One-Shot kept me laughing throughout, and I think you characterized the marauders very well indeed. One particular line that had me in stitches was:
"...it was an immutable fact of life that James could bring Lily to hysterical anger by simply sitting quietly in the next room..."
Sirius's voice came across to me as quite sarcastic, which I really liked. Not many people choose to characterize him in this way, but I personally liked it because it added a touch of originality and also it was realistic, because we all know Sirius was a very intelligent bloke.
There were some small typing errors here and there, but nothing too major that I could spot.
Overall a very 'clawesome enjoyable read. -Lol at my stupid unfunny joke.
KatieAuthor's Response: Katie, I am happy that you found this funny even though the Marauders are not your usual cup of tea. :)))
And yes, Sirius for me is a bit sarcastic in his youth or at least likes to joke around a lot xD I think we can safely assume that he was quite intelligent indeed.
For the errors - yes, it's full of them even though I checked it so many times (fail :D) After the queue reopens, I am definitely editing it ;)
And clawesome sounds... clawesome - I quite like it :DD
I was snooping around your Author's page looking for something to reviews for the 'claw's epic snowball fight when this story caught my attention. Next Gen is without a doubt my all time favourite era, and Dominique has always been one of my favourite characters.
I like how the approach you have taken to her character is somewhat different to how most people have grown accustomed to writing her. She isn't a vain, self-obsessive fairy princess or a supporting character to the main protagonist; she seems a lot more serious and in some cases violent. It's nice to see a little change in your characterization of her, it makes her much more interesting and original.
I also really admire your use of description in this piece of writing; it was almost like poetry at some points. Usually I'd be offering constructive critisism right now, but I can't seem to find any flaws in your work.
A truly superb chapter!
KatieAuthor's Response: Hey Katie! :)
Aaah! I love NextGen too! It's so good that we have so much lee way with the characters. I love taking personality/appearance traits from Ron, Hermione, Draco and the rest and putting them into new characters. IT's awesome. And Dominique is awesome too! I've always wanted to write something about her! :D
I'm really glad that you like Dom's character. The thing I was most scared about when writing this was whether people would find her a Mary Sue (my ultimate worst fear apart being eaten by the Kraken). I really wanted her to have some flaws and to be a bit more mature (you have to be when your boyfriend in murdered and you might be in love with his brother who might be his murderer).
Aah, description. The ultimate bane of my existence. Do I write too much/too little? Too much about nothing at all? I am super happy that you think I've got the balance just write... and poetry? :wub: Thanks so much!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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