I think you did a wonderful job at describing the people. I understood that the main character was Pansy and you did mention Draco and Hermione there, but never there names. You did a really good job at that. The only thing I have to add to this is your wording. At times I had to read over a sentence three or four times before understanding it because the wording was a bit confusing. That was only in a couple of places though. Other than that, it was an excellent story!Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for your review! I am glad you like my descriptions and understood the characters :D I'll re-read this and see where my wording is confusing, and edit it whenever possible. Thank you! Report Review
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you on this review.
This is a really good start. I look forward to reading the next chapters. I really like how you gave Ron and Hermione a part at the start. A lot of Next Gen stories throw them on the train and send them off without a word. So that interaction was nice to see.
Things moved a bit fast and a bit choppy in this chapter. I know what it is like to have a million things zooming around in your head and you want to get them all out right then. I recently started outlining, and I think it might help you too. Type down everyone you want to be in the chapter and the scenes you want to take place before beginning. That way you can have more time to focus on describing what is happening, instead of getting it all out.
With that said, I think you need a bit more character development. You barley mentioned owl and I feel like I don't know anything about Rose, except for the fact that she is intrigued by Scorpius Malfoy.
Other than that it is a good story!
~Goddess FaithAuthor's Response: thanks :) I know i need to slow things down a bit. Report Review
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