Reading Reviews From Member: jadelouise
  
74 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jadelouiseDirty Little Secret: James(II) Potter

12th March 2010:
Hiya, here's the review you asked for :)

Ok, first off I really like the plot idea of James/Emma/May, because I'm a sucker for best friends falling for each other. However, I think the way that you wrote the end of the story seemed slightly rushed and we could have found out a little bit more about James and May's relationship.

Also, the arguments between James and Emma? I thought they appeared out of no where, I didn't really understand why she was angry a couple of times.

At first I was a little confused as to who was the girl James was with at the end, but now I realise it's Emma I think the way you wrote that last section was very well done!

I would definitely be interested in reading if you write a sequel, so be sure to request a review :)

Author's Response: :)
Thank you for the amazing review! :)
A lot of people felt that the end was confusing, so I'll go and edit when I have the time!
I'll let you know as soon as the sequel is up!
love
Ak!


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Review #2, by jadelouiseProblem: Aftermath

11th March 2010:
Well, after reading the rest of your story I think that you have a good basis here for a fantastic story.

The plot is different from any other similar Rose/Scorpius stories and I think that your characters work well within the storyline.

One thing I would say is that you do use an awful lot of dialogue, and not enough descriptions. Sometimes there were parts when I didn't know who was talking or what was really going on.

Also, on another note, in the beginning of the story when Rose refers to Scorpius as Scorp, just doesn't seem believable to me. Even if she was crazy about him Scorp just seems to friendly and I would have thought she would call him Malfoy.

Other than that, great job, you've got a really good story here :)

Author's Response: I'll revise that dialogue thing!

Scorp... Malfoy... Hmmn... I'll reread that.

xE


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Review #3, by jadelouiseProblem: Dares

11th March 2010:
Hiya, here's your requested review!

Ok, I think this first chapter is slightly cliche, simply because of the list in the beginning and how she is hiding her feelings for Scorpius. I understand that this is part of the plot, however, you could have revealed her feelings for him in a slightly more original way.

I like the characters in the story, one of the reasons that I like the next generation characters is because you can do so much with them, and in this chapter I can definately see that you have established your own versions of these characters.

Great job on the first chapter :)

Author's Response: I know, I know, the cliches in this are tenfold! But it's very happy writing =)

xE


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Review #4, by jadelouiseIn My Time of Dying: The Graduation Feast

11th March 2010:
Hiya, I've decided only to review this first chapter, simply through lack of time to read all the chapters and then review the latest one aswell!

Anyway, I really enjoyed the first few chapters of this story, I think it's really interesting how you have described the upcoming war because it's an aspect that is not really spoken about in the books. So I think that you have really started the plot of well.

I liked the characterisation in this story of James and Peter. With your version of Peter we can really begin to understand why he took the path that he did in his life, and as we know very little about him too, I think you described it perfectly how he just wants to fit in, but he is also particularly bitter too.

The only thing I would say is that I didn't like how Sirus was very much James' shadow, and followed him around everywhere. I imagine that although the pair were very close, Sirus would still have his own mind and wouldn't just become a auror because that is what James wanted to do. However, I can see where you are coming from with your version of Sirus.

I think this is a really great start to the story and the mystery will definately keep people reading on! Great job.

Author's Response: hey, I am glad you came :) And thats okay, I definitely don't expect people to read more than one chapter, they are pretty long to have to sit through.

I'm happy that you enjoyed what you read - and I agree about the war being so interesting. Aside from not being in the books, it's also covered very little in fanfiction!

I have learned whilst writing this that I really enjoy Peter. There is something about him that I can relate to, and I think other people can too (but probably afraid to admit it). Perhaps not the traitorous part of him, but the other parts. He's been fun to portray, and I'm thrilled that you liked his characterisation.

As for Sirius, I'm glad you can see where I'm coming from even if you don't agree with it. I guess we all view the characters a little differently :) I don't see Sirius as having much else aside from his friends - he doesn't strike me as the type to be raring to go to start a career, so I didn't think he'd care so long as he was with his friends. I guess I could see him wanting to battle the Dark Arts because of his past, but at the same time, I could see him shying away from it because of his past as well.

Thank you for your input! Given how absolutely long this thing is turning out to be, that is my biggest concern - keeping people interested!


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Review #5, by jadelouiseBe Seeing You: Mr. One-Liner

5th November 2009:
Great chapter
Update soon!

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Review #6, by jadelouiseUnthinkable Thoughts : Mind Games

30th October 2009:
Wow, that pretty harsh from Draco there!

I don't think that Ron will be able to forgive Hermione for this, he would be humilated and hurt. Can't wait to see if he tells everyone else as well and their reactions!

Update soon :)

Author's Response: Hi there! Yeah, I know - bad, bad Draco. You'll just have to wait and see what happens ;)
Thanks for reviewing dear!

Lovely_Slytheriness


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Review #7, by jadelouiseBe Seeing You: Eventful is an Understatement

29th October 2009:
Oh wow! I really love this story, it's very well written and I absolutely love the plot!

I love the Rose/Scorpius relationship so far, but I have a feeling that Finn is going to be a problem in the future!

I also love the mystery surrounding the story and I am really curious about that first chapter and how they are going to get to that point!

There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, but its nothing too drastic and it is still readable so it's not really worrying.

Great job, update soon :)

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Review #8, by jadelouiseAbove the Clouds: Late

29th October 2009:
I loved this chapter!
I'm glad things are kind of back on track for Blaise and Amber as well as Hermione and Draco!

Though Draco should be worried about Hermiones reaction to the whole quidditch thing!

I loved the part where Draco couldn't even insult anyone anymore I thought that was so funny :)

Great job! Update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks! :) Yeah, I don't think we're actually going to see the conversation between Hermione and Draco, as I plan to skip a few months, hehe. :)

Aw, I'm glad you like that!

Thanks!
- Cathy


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Review #9, by jadelouiseStill Delicate: A Time For Wine

28th October 2009:
Okay, I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but it's kind of hard not to hate Scorpius right now!

I don't understand why he would want to take Aidan away from Rose!?

Please update soon! I'm dying to know what's going to happen next! :)

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Review #10, by jadelouiseThe Potions Project: The Prophecy Is Made

24th October 2009:
Great chapter
Update soon :)

Author's Response: will, do! one more chapter on my Short Story that i was using to loosen my writers block, then back to Potions Project!

~Onna


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Review #11, by jadelouiseWhimsical Matchmaker: Merely

1st October 2009:
I really like this story, it's different and interesting :)
Hope you update soon!

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Review #12, by jadelouiseAbove the Clouds: Faith

1st October 2009:
Wow, I have been really behind reading this story but I've just caught up and loved all the chapters!

I really liked the Dramione action in this chapter, but I would really love someone to just hex Laura she's very annoying!

Hope you update soon :)

Author's Response: Hahha, yeah, I've been updating so quickly that I think my readers are having a hard time keeping up :)

yay, you did? That makes me happy to hear. I'm glad I haven't lost the spark for writing the lovey dovey scenes :)

Can't wait to read 'Remember Me' either!(is superhappy that you chose the name I suggested) :D You working on that one now? I'm sure it'll turn out amaaazing!

Thanks for reviewing,
- Cathy


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Review #13, by jadelouiseBeat Again: Beginning an ending

30th September 2009:
This is a really interesting story and I like how you have made Mildred's character very original, not just the usual character that get's paired with Sirius.

Lily seems slightly weird in this! But, it's fun and I like it.

The only thing that I would say is if she was friends with the professor then why did she let Mildred get bullied for six years and beaten up all the time. I'd like to think that a teacher would punish the gang of boys and eventually expel them if they continued.

Other than that great writing, keep it up :)

Author's Response: I definitely wanted to make sure that my Original Character was original, not just one of those clones!
It's just my take on Lily, she should start being slightly more like the Lily we come to expect when she starts to feature more.
Mildred doesn't really like pouring her problems onto someone else, especially someone she admires like Proffessor Shanyar. Although Shanyar did know about the bullying, she never realised how bad it was and thought it was just good natured. She's not the most observant of people, and we'll meet her properly in a few chapters.

Thanks a million for reading and taking the time to review! =D


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Review #14, by jadelouiseMidnight: Supplication

30th September 2009:
Wow, this is a great story, I really love it already.

Your descriptions are perfect and you explain everything so vividly it's like I'm there!

I like how both Hermione and Draco are still very true to their personality and you haven't suddenly changed either of them. I think that we definitely need to find out some more about Draco's past and what has happened to his mother, so hopefully that will be in the next few chapters!

Anyway great job, update soon :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I try to get my word choice bang on (causing many a desperate cry of 'starts with 'i', means pervasive' type queries in our flat...)

I've tried to keep Hermione and Draco as IC as possible, keeping in mind what has happened to them in my fic and what we already know about them from canon, so I am thrilled that works.

More about Draco's past is definitely to come.

Thanks again!


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Review #15, by jadelouiseThe Potions Project: Draco's Story

25th September 2009:
I really like how in this chapter we get to see what Draco's life is like, and great idea about Remus and Tonk's finding him.

I can't wait until Harry and the others find out Draco is actually on their side.

Update soon :)

Author's Response: whoop whoop, yep that'll be fun, but alot of poo has to happen for him to admit to harry that he's helping him, just because he hate voldemort for drving his father to kill his mother and hate his father even more doesn't mean he automatically very fond of Harry and Ron.

~Onna


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Review #16, by jadelouiseThe Chronicles of Kathie Caldwell: Prologue

24th September 2009:
Okay, first of all great plot!
So far it's really intriguing and interesting, I really like the fact that you've taken your own character and brought her into the Harry Potter World and she is obviously going to play a key part in that world!

Your characterisation of Kathie is very well done, I think that we really get an idea of what she is like as a person in these first two chapters but still keep building her character up as you go along.

The flow of the story is fine, the pace is moving along at just the right speed so as we get to enjoy each chapter but you don't overcomplicate anything.

However, I have to point out a few wording mistakes with some of your sentences, if you disagree with me feel free to say so as I may have misread them!

'A single child, I used to grown up quite close to my dadís grandparentís, given that me dad and mum actually live in their Manor,'

'When on that sunny and beautiful morning Kathie had wake up and finished her bags, full of clothes, books and other supplements needed for school, she was far from imagining what her fate had stored her.'

'You know she doesnít do it on porpoise.' A porpoise is actually a sea animal, I think the word you're looking for is purpose :)

'Happily enough for both, her mother seemed satisfied when they all arrived in time at platform 9 and ĺ quickly,' Happily doesn't really work in this sentence in my opinion, I think the right word is 'luckily enough for both of them,'

There are a few other sentences that are worded slightly strangely, so I would suggest you just read back over these chapters a couple of times to edit them, or you could get a beta. Sometimes it helps to get someone else to read your work and they will find more mistakes than you do.

But, anyway! Great opening chapters
Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: Hello!

First of all, thanks. I really appreciate when people enjoys my plot, my main character ... my ideas. ^^. It makes my day coming here and find readers do really like my stories and appreciate the work I put in them.

Although I like when people tell me they like my work (honestly, who doesn't? =P), I also do like when people point out my 'flaws', so thanks for pointing out my wording mistakes. This is, probably, on of my main problems while writing for quite obvious reasons.


I'm Portuguese which means English isn't my former language. It's quite natural I do some mess sometimes writing. ^^. (Example, translating... that's why I misspelled purpose and wrote instead 'porpoise' xD lol.. and I just went to check what a porpoise was.. LOL... I don't even want to think how weird stuff people could imagine with this lol)

Truth to be told I'm of that these mistakes, so that's why I always read and re-read my stories countless times. With these chapters there were, indeed, some aspects I missed and I've been working on that lately. So I will edit this chapter and, hopefully, catch all the mistakes. (I'm just stubborn enough to try and find a BETA yet.. if needed ,I wanted someone that really enjoyed the FF)


Thanks for pointing out some of the main wording problems =) It's going to help me a lot while I tonight I will revise the whole chapters I have already wrote =D


Well, finishing this already huge authors response I want to thank you for the... fourth.. .fifth time?!... =) Anyway, I won't leave a truth author's not on your first incomplete review, since there is no really need to repeat everything again, but I will still leave a small note. (it's not your fault the reviewing system messed up =D )


Huggies,

~Cat


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Review #17, by jadelouiseThe Chronicles of Kathie Caldwell: Chapter I - A manís Epiphany

24th September 2009:
Okay, first of all great plot!
So far it's really intriguing and interesting, I really like the fact that you've taken your own character and brought her into the Harry Potter World and she is obviously going to play a key part in that world!

Your characterisation of Kathie is very well done, I think that we really get an idea of what she is like as a person in these first two chapters but still keep building her character up as you go along.

The flow of the story is fine, the pace is moving along at just the right speed so as we get to enjoy each chapter but you don't overcomplicate anything.

However, I have to point out a few wording mistakes with some of your sentences, if you disagree with me feel free to say so as I may have misread them!

'A single child, I used to grown up quite close to my dadís grandparentís, given that me dad and mum actually live in their Manor,'

'When on that sunny and beautiful morning Kathie had wake up and finished her bags, full of clothes, books and other supplements needed for school, she was far from imagining what her fate had stored her.'

'You know she doesnít do it on porpoise.'

Author's Response: Hey again!

I know it was involuntary, but you deserve a second author's not. You reviewed my two times, in the same chapter (involuntarily, yeah)... but still, you deserve this smaller response for having so many "trouble" with me ^^.

Thanks for the lovely reviews, really, and for the helpful hints you gave me =D


Cheers,

~Cat


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Review #18, by jadelouiseStill Delicate: Repercussions

20th September 2009:
Great chapter!
I think Jenny is being a little out of order saying that Rose had ruined her wedding day by kissing Scorpius because let's face it no one else actually saw it. I can see that she would be angry because at the end of the day nobody likes a cheat, but, you would think that Jenny would be a little considerate to her friend!

Anyway, can't wait to see what happens next between Rose and Scorpius!
Update soon :)

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Review #19, by jadelouiseBetrothed to a Mudblood: The Wedding

19th September 2009:
This was a great chapter.

I loved that Draco got Hermione's parents to church to make the day special for her. It was heartbreaking when they had to leave each other at the end, the way that you wrote this chapter was beautiful!

There were a few mistakes dotted around, but they were only minor so it wasn't a major problem.

Can't wait for the next chapter!
Update soon :)

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Review #20, by jadelouiseHold Me Down: The Hero Returns

18th September 2009:
Overall, great start to the story so far.

There were a few mistakes in there that could be fixed if you simply read back over the chapter. Also, in my opinion betas are always helpful for writers to improve and develop their writing skills, so I would definitely recommend one.

But, the plot was interesting, very original. I like how you have developed James's character so that he's not an arrogant prankster, but he's actually got a much deeper and more intellectual side. Very good.

I also like how you included the small line about Lily in there, 'He had been sitting at the Gryffindor table with the rest of the marauders scheming new ways to ask out Evans', it adds a little background into the story concerning James and Lily's relationship.

Good job :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I always hate how people make him out to be a big idiot.

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Review #21, by jadelouiseHunting The Hunters: Going Into Hiding

18th September 2009:
I really love this story!

I love the way you have slowly built up Hermione and Draco's relationship, it was very realistic. I was kind of surprised about Mark being a bad guy, for some reason I thought he was going to be Draco's friend. But, anyway I still can't wait to find out what's the background between Draco and Mark.

I really like the plot and the twists you seem to put in every chapter, they really intensify the storyline! Also, I love how Hermione is still her stubborn self and determined not to be beaten, very good characterisation.

I'm definitely going to be reading the rest of the story, update soon :)

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Review #22, by jadelouiseSecrets Off Limit: Hermione's New Boyfriend

18th September 2009:
Great chapter,
I know how you feel, you just want to get into the Draco/Hermione relationship but you can't move it too fast!
But, so far I think you're doing a great job with it.

In my opinion I think Draco would be a bit more composed when finding out about Hermione and Ron dating and although he would be annoyed, I don't think he would show it in front them.

Other than that, can't wait for the next chapter, I really want to see the effects of this potion on Hermione!

Update soon :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review!

It's frustrating isn't it? Maybe I should just write some scenes ahead of time to get it out of me and then just slow it down a bit...hmm...

Yes, Draco is a very strange character to write, because everyone envisions him just a bit differently. I think that JK Rowling didn't give us too much to work when writing him. No reader knows him like they know the trio, who are very specific characters. This makes everyone think about what he could actually be like and I think that everyone adds just a bit of themselves or someone they know to the character even unknowingly.

But, anyway, thank you!! I really appreciate every single review :] I'll update soon. Chapter 5 is in the works!!


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Review #23, by jadelouiseAbove the Clouds: Hogwarts

17th September 2009:
Great chapter!
I'm really hoping that Laura slipped a love potion into Hermione's drink, and she's not actually in love with Blaise!
I loved the Lucius and Narcissa moment in the kitchen!

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you :)
You'll just have to wait and see what's going on with all the feelings.

I'm glad you liked the scene in the kitchen, I love Lucissa, they're so cute.

The next chapter is in validation.
Thanks for reviewing,
- Cathy


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Review #24, by jadelouiseNeighbours: Chapter One

11th September 2009:
Okay, first of all there are a lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes in this chapter. Some look like simple typing errors so we can work out what the word is suppose to say, however I would suggest that you read through to change these.

It may be an idea to get a beta for this story, you will find that some readers will be put off by bad spelling and punctuation so if you get a someone to proof read your writing before you put it on here, you may get some new readers. If you want any help, or want to know where you can find a beta just let me know, I'll be happy to help you or point you in the right direction :)

The overall plot of the story is very interesting, the fact that the Malfoys moved in next door to the Weasleys has a lot of potential for some funny moments. I think you've definitely got a lot of good material to work with.

I like your characterisation of Ron and Hermione, I love how Ron is very protective of Rose but Hermione is much more relaxed about it all. I'm also a sucker for a Rose/Scorpius relationship so I love that :)

But, good start you should definitely continue with this story!

Author's Response: I would really like to take you up on that beta advice, I'll send you a message I think. Thank you so much

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Review #25, by jadelouiseBreaking Point: Someone to Blame

11th September 2009:
Okay, well to start with I've never read a story that has Bellatrix as the main character but I really like how you have taken the small amount of information that we have about Bellatrix and her husband after the first war and expanded on it.

I always imagined Bellatrix and Rodolphus to be particularly crazy, very cunning and calculating. So, your characterisation of Rodolphus talking softly to Bellatrix trying to calm her down seems a little odd to me. In my opinion they would both be extremely angry about the defeat of Voldemort - I'm thinking Bellatrix especially would throw a few spells around and generally cause some chaos from her temper.

Your own characterisation is different but nonetheless, if thatís your idea of these characters then thatís fine!

As a general point, in any story I like long chapters and I like descriptions. I think there are a few areas of this chapter where you could expand your writing when you are talking about other characters, e.g. Sirius, Regulus, Crouch ...etc! Perhaps to bulk the story up a bit, I'm not suggesting you make these chapters huge, but a little longer than what you have at the moment might work a little better.

Overall, very interesting story that you definitely continue with as it has a lot of potential :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! (Even though I asked you to LOL)

Yes, Bellatrix is an interesting character to write. Like you said we have limited knowledge about her and almost no knowledge of Rodolphus - and they could well have been crazier than I've made them out to be. I just saw Bella as the impulsive, impetuous one and Rodolphus as the moderating influence - because I just think that even Voldemort would hestitate to have someone so unstable at his right hand, no matter how devoted. But like you said, everyone has different ideas of how they are.

I too like longer chapters normally. However, with the way this story turned out it was either doing it this way or having one long one-shot, and I don't like doing one-shots that have too many changes of scene (to me, at least, it feels like it defeats the purpose of a one-shot). But I fully understand how you would think these are a little short and could be expanded on, and you're not the first to suggest it. Maybe in a year or so when the story's not so new I'll go back and do just that.

Thanks for the fantastic review, it's most helpful.

-odyssey


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