oh my god. that last bit just broke my heart. that was ... really convincing.
good job on the chap Report Review
Fun, light hearted fic! I like how all the characters are approachable and realistic. Not like gods and goddesses with super powers and millionaire parents. Lol.
UPdate soonAuthor's Response: Haha, that's what you get when you're part of the quidditch team ;P everyone feels like your best friend. that's the way I've always seen the twins, especially! Thanks for the great review :) an update is in the works it's just taking me forever to wrap it up :X Report Review
LMAO. i have a roger davis too! hahaha two years below me and everything. bahahaha. this is hilarious.Author's Response: Everyone has a dumb little Roger Davies T_T hahah. They get on my nervous to be honest. But they mean well so I can't kick them hahah :P Report Review
interesting turn of events!
heres a go:
:)Author's Response: INTERESTING GUESSES I LIKE THEM! Thanks for reading and reviewing :) Report Review
cleverly done. :) good chap Report Review
i dont really get the seducing part? but the blocked memories... this is fic is awesome!
awesome plot set up so far. i want to see how it all works out.
very unique ability by the way, never seen it in another fic. Report Review
"I don't see why my skirt length is any of your business," I emphasise every syllable with half a mind to give him half a peace sign.
You are brilliant. Thats about it. You play with words like no other author i've ever read. Really amazing :) And i do like it when you dabble with the other languages. It makes sense for patchAuthor's Response: As Patch is a poet, words are like toys and sounds are like games. I'm so glad you noticed that, because I really wanted the fact that she was a poet to shine through my writing.
I'm glad you like the other languages, and don't find them annoying. Patch's mind is geared towards languages, that's part of the reason she's good at ancient runes and arithmancy, because she treats them like a language.
Thanks for the lovely review! It means a lot.
Nell :) x Report Review
aww pobre petite :(
good chap :)Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
This fic has an awesome plot. I really like how you portray your characters too. Their transitions between emotions are spectacular. You have such a firm grip on them that their volatile and changing states don't seem 'out of the blue'. Theyre going from extreme to extreme but its still so believable and seamless.
Seamless is a good word for your story. The logic behind their motives is infallible- nothing is more annoying than when characters purposely do 'stupid' things. you avoid that entirely.
I love love her and Jace. Oh! An example of your seamlessness. Even though I knew Jace was 'dead' for those chapters, you wrote it in such a way that i had a vague feeling that he was still alive. Nothing direct of course, but when he did come back it wasnt like you used deux ex machina. It seemed planned and not just a quick fix. Also her transition between loves, scorpious' change, her changing evironments between school, the intsitution, back to school, running with the Hazards and finally back with Jace, are once again, seamless. Shes proven to be a very dynamic character. Subtly changing in her personality. But i think its in the subtlety that makes it great.
My only suggestion would be to add more imagery to your scenes. Im pulling a lot out from recent movies ive watched but a feel for the 'atmosphere' and environemnt could bump up your story even more.
Either way, this fic is just excellent. Pleaseee update quickly. I want to find out what happens next!
Cheers, EmAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you for such a fantastic review! Once finals are finished, I'll definitely get back to this one. Thank you so much for boosting my confidence with my writing!! It is much appreciated.
~K Report Review
This was a fabulous work. I love how your stories are more than just romance plots- there is a reason, a real theme. Authors spend their life time devoting all the things they have learned in life, their wisdom, into a tale that can eventually transmit that message. Transmit that lesson so perhaps, we don't make the same mistakes as the author did. Perhaps, to guide us to a more enlightened state.
What was great about your story was that it wasn't black and white. Your theme was developed fully, in a solid tale that considered both sides of the equation. And by the end, most everyone who reads it is convinced that ignorance and bigotry should be avoided and that harmony can be achieved through understanding. Just as when we read the harry potter books, we are convinced to live with love, compassion and bravery. To not be afraid, even when we are alone. To seek guidance from friends and family when we are lost. After we read Death of a Salesman, the play, we are convinced of the dangers of disillusionment, the falsity of the American Dream. The importance of the father- son relationship.
Now, your story, among the many stories written, had added to the human discourse on wisdom, ideals, life and everything and beyond.
I'm really proud and happy that fanfic has achieved this level and hope you understand that you have put fanfic to good use. For a while, I thought that while I'm wasting away my life reading fanfiction, at least I'm mentally editing and improving my grammar and vocabulary. Now, I can add 'literary analysis' on my list of rationalization as to why I spend far too many hours on fanfiction than I should.
None of this may have been intentional, but I'm glad it has panned out this way, regardless.
Cheers, your fan, EmAuthor's Response: I AM SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME FOREVER TO RESPOND TO THIS!!
thank you thank you thank you a thousand times. this is one of the most amazing and insightful reviews i have received for this work and i am incredibly grateful that you wrote it. you saw beyond the characters and the scorpius/rose relationship and even the situation at hand and looked at what i was really trying to say with this piece.
THANKYOU SO MUCH! the comparision to the HP books is too much - i surely don't deserve it but again, thank you. i am speechless right now, and have been for months. goodness, i have no idea what to say, even now, so long after you posted this review.
gah. Em, i have no idea what else i can say to you other than thank you for reading and thank you for seeing the bigger picture. i truly appreciate it.
Kate xx Report Review
I really like this! Really interesting idea. However, its seeming a little slow. I get the different perspectives but since most of the characters are not developed enough, it is difficult to empathize with the characters suffering from the disease. Perhaps I'm only whining because the story really is only just beginning and i quite like the idea.
Regardless, cant wait for the update!
Cheers em Report Review
HOLY. This is AMAZING. So professional! Wow.
Your biggest accomplishment has been your imagery. For some reason, I can perfectly picture every scene and every movement! Its really awesome. Plus, you have the reader on his/her seat! That sense of adrenaline is definitely portrayed.
AH can't wait for the update again. Cheers, Em :) Report Review
aw poor thing.
i like your elevated use of vocabulary and id like to see how this pans out.
however, i would suggest that you add a bit more plot to your chapters. because her character is rather morose, the chapter itself needs to add a bit of excitement?
or atleast every once in a while, something good has to happen!
haha well not really. this story is lovely at is. update quickly
cheersAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the feedback, I really value it. I do often wonder whether I pace my chapters too slow, so I'm glad you brought that up. I'll try and liven the next ones up for you. thanks so much for the review and I hope you continue to enjoy the story :) Report Review
i love you! thanks for updating finally :) Report Review
OH MY GOD. i absolutely LOVE THIS. and in the background while reading this i had movie music. oh lord!
I think this is actually my favorite! wow. i am so impressed. this is honestly one of the best fics ive ever read.
you are a fantastic author! you should work on an original work!Author's Response: movie music???
O.o wow thanks! that is such an awesome thing to hear!!
thank you so much - you're encouragement means a lot. i do write original work - have not long completed my first novel actually, which is rather terrifying!!
xx thank you! Report Review
and they grasped hold of everything with both hands, swallowing life and all it had to offer whole.
ah a true writer! a true writer. i love all your stories.
they're the most professional on this site :)Author's Response: O.o
wow. thank you!! i don't know what to say!
I am pleased you are enjoying this hun!
xx Report Review
ohh it all makes sense
im studying PTSD -post traumatic stress disorder- at school now. you might want to consider looking up some facts if youre having trouble and want to make her symptoms more realistic :) up to you. great chap either way!Author's Response: I'm glad everything makes sense now! I looked up all the symptoms of PTSD and I actually think that I've covered most of them, but I'll be sure to use any I didn't cover in the upcoming chapters! Thanks so much for taking the time to review, it really means a lot! Report Review
that end scene was really touching. the 'you make us proud' speech lies on a precarious cliff where it can go really wrong or
turn out to be fantastic.
well, yours was fantastic and was something that
a lot of teens can relate to.
great chapterAuthor's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm glad everyone's liked the speech so far and that you think it turned out to be fantastic and found this to be something teens can relate to (though hopefully no one is relating to the crazy werewolf hunting down their boyfriend, that would be most unfortunate :p)
Thanks again for the review!!! Report Review
haha, i know the feeling of staying up till 5 on hpff with school at 7 all too well. ( actually its currently 546 and i have yet to sleep)
cant wait for the next chapter!
i had no clue it was rose's ex. nice job on that! very interesting turn.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it! You need your sleep though. Unless you have a blow off class. I slept many english classes in my time. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
my god, this is good.Author's Response: thank you so so so much. You literally made my day. Report Review
love. how you could ANYONE hate javery?
perfect.Author's Response: I don't think anyone could! Especially not me :) Thanks! Report Review
its amazingg its amazingg ( like the song im listening to called " its amazing " by jem) and it perfectly fits the mood!
man. i love this. whenever i have hell at school or in my life and i need a nice escape ( can't even go outside without someone recognizing me) i go to my google reader and see whats updated. without a doubt, clash consistently has good, funny chapters even when i dont remember the plot exactly. and i love freddy and the snake story and king dom- you very skillfully use imagery and allusions.
Evilyn rearranged ( good verb to use- makes you think of her face has merely a facade - something she manipulates) her features into a snarl ( imagery) and shot (imagery) Freddy the middle finger, successfully ( style) making it the second time this morning that Fred had gotten flipped off by a member of the opposite sex. In a sudden flourish of glimmering gold hair( pantene commercial anyone?), she twirled back around and stalked off, leaving Fred standing there with a goofy grin ( again G alliteration) on his face.
to the other people reading this review, note how little she uses is be got - instead packing in action verbs.
to you, shenanigan, besides your ability to transport the reader into a new world ( with your imagery alliteration and verbs!) you also have a very nice rhythm. - the g sound, the successfully pause, and in other paragraphs your mixture of short senteces ( that give a lot of impact eg He was fearless.) and your long sentences, usually your story telling ( eg I remember this one time when...)
andd the fact that your story can withstand me in my must-analyze-every-word mood is a tribute to your writing ability.
soo cheers. and see you ( kind of) on another extremely stressful day :]
ps. watch out for excessive periods! Report Review
wow. very very clever. lurvedd your story. and i read your other marauder story first, the shorter one, and suffice to say your writing really has improved since this fic. some notes... sev just popping in there seemed a bit simplistic.. would have been nice if there had been some epic styled harry type rescue. Otherwise, your use of the cliches was actually quite genius and the plot line actually was very good. oh and in the end i felt dumbledore would have been warned by alex of what she was attempting to do ( the potion vortex thing) and if it had been so eassy to retrieve her from voldie, why didnt dumbledore do it sooner? and why would have dumbledore been fooled by a bit polyjuice potion? or why wouldnt have he told the friends that she was indeed alive? or why hadnt he tried to remove the orb... sooner. or at least tried to give a suggestion- besides brew up a potion. Why could Sirius have found the whole vortex thing but not dumbledore? the greatest wizard of the age? i also feel skeptical that she would have waited so long to see sirius. the whole not being ready stuff- didnt buy that. i would have felt that the FIRST thing she wanted to see was him.
lol sorry for ragging you. just some of the things i thought about.
this is a very good first fic though! and while its done, i guess in the future, work a bit on the plot- look into the epic hero's quest. ( which you study in literature and which a lot of great books follow including harry potter) and you might also want to look into a book called " how to read literature like a professor" which gives clickes in actual books. these are suggestions because i think you're a talented writer and your writing is rather plot driven ( which is good.) i look forward to whatever you produce next and goodluck!Author's Response: wow thanks so much for the thorough review, I really appreciate all the feedback. Also thanks for the suggestion on the book...I'm a science major so my creative writing is probably very weak hahah.
You are ofcourse absolutely right about everything you pointed out. Actually one of my friends, she's an English major, pointed a couple of the same problems too as I was writing it, but I just really wanted to finish the story so I guess I ignored it all haha.
Thanks again for the review, Cheers! Report Review
hello again. i just posted a review for your last chapter and promptly looked at your other stories. anddd it seems you do have a mega 100,000 and it was successful! amazing. well im about to read it, though i probably did some time last year, and am going to again congratulate you on your awesome story.Author's Response: well, I hope you do enjoy it. It was my first attempt at a fic, coming out of a challenge between my friends and I to somehow include a princess and all the princess-y cliches into Harry Potter.I hope you like it.
Thanks again. Cheers! Report Review
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