Reading Reviews From Member: uncivilized
  
57 Reviews Found

Review #1, by uncivilizedAnomalous: Magic's Skip

9th August 2011:
Hi! :] ♥

So, I'm terribly pleased to see that you posted this on the archives as well as using it for the figment competition. I wasn't joking when I said I loved it - because I really do. :] This isn't the first story that I've read where Lily is a squib - though it is the first where she is actually the focus. So, I'd have to say that this is a rather new thing for me to read and a take on it that I think works really well.

The thought of her sitting there, waiting for a letter that she knows isn't coming - yet she waits nonetheless - is so incredibly heartbreaking and I'm still picking up the pieces of my shattered heart as I write this review. :P You've portrayed her thoughts and feelings and emotions very well; it's all very realistic and Lily sounds just like a little girl who's dreams have been crushed in a way that only young children seem to experience - as if their world is collapsing on itself. It's almost amusing how terrible life can seem from the point of view of an upset eleven year old, but it is terribly saddening to see her like this because she does realise how this will affect her life. And how different her life will be. Especially because I think that at such an age, being different is so hard for anyone to accept - let alone embrace.

I love your characterization of Harry - and of Albus, too. I think he'd be the perfect poster child of an adoring father, not wanting his children to grow up the way he did - unloved and, I daresay, abused. Both his and Albus' attempts to bring poor Lily's spirits up were really sweet and from this brief glimpse, I think they act exactly how I imagine a Weasley/Potter family would.

As someone who is keen on the use of description, I love yours. I can picture the scene that you've described very clearly and the way you put your sentences together flowed really nicely. But a small thing here, "his point didn't seem to be doing too much, tears still trailing down the little girls face and a loud hiccup leaving her lips." You've missed an apostrophe in 'girl's'. :]

I'd love to know more about Lily and how being a squib affects her - and the people around her - so if the inspiration strikes you, you should definitely write more! I'd be interested in reading it, not only because your writing is simply lovely ♥ , but also because the story itself is interesting with sooo many things to explore and plenty of directions to move in.

This whole thing is wonderful; I adore it. :) and thank youuu for requesting. I'm so sorry for the short review! ♥

-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

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Review #2, by uncivilizedUndisclosed: Undisclosed

5th August 2011:
Hi. ^__^

I love the chapter image. ;D

And I love the first paragraph - I like how you connected his past to the 5th book and Sirius' death.

I like your word choices - it all flows very well and it's easy to read. Sometimes it feels like people try and overload a reader with all these "fancy" words - which, I find, gets annoying to read after a few sentences. You don't overuse words and your sentence lengths vary, making it more enjoyable to read and infinitely more engaging. The way you put sentences together is lovely - it reads smoothly and paints a picture in my mind, like I can see what Sirius is seeing and I can feel what he feels, too. A good author should be able to do that; feeling connected with a character and, in turn, their story.

The scenes of the wedding (and before it) are lovely - they made me smile because I love weddings and I could just see it. You gave me goosebumps, though, at the images of Sirius on his knees, the pain he must be feeling and gah. It's so terribly sad, but very powerful when it comes to descriptions! o_o To be perfectly honest, I've always seen Sirius as a loner, relationship wise. It just seemed to fit better in my mind, because of how he was raised. However, there's nothing wrong with stories where he does have someone he loves - as long as it ends appropriately and realistically, because we do know Sirius is alone by his death. But I guess that's the beauty of not knowing everything about him! :) In essence, you can give him whatever you want - as long as you write it well.

Because we don't know more about her death - save for the fact that it was Death Eaters - I can't really comment on it. I'm not sure if this is a stand alone one-shot or not, but if it isn't I hope you do elaborate more on why she was chosen for death. I like things with well-thought out backstories and histories, even if they're not written outright in a story.

The ending was really sweet. :) I like that Sirius, in a way, got the happy ending that he so deserved. It's a bit hard for me to comment on Win's characterization, mostly because I don't really know her. We know a little about her, but not enough for me to give much comment because the details about what makes Win Win are unknown. Rather than always go through Sirius' eyes and his direct opinion, you could instead actually have him 'interact' with her at a some point, just so she feels more 'real' to the reader. However, doing that might be a bit hard to do because of the length and the feel that this one-shot has; extra details and scenes might ruin the effect that it has: these are scenes, important ones, that are flashing by his eyes before he falls through the veil and I really think it reads like that, too. These scenes "flash" by us, as well, and I love how there seems to be a parallel drawn between us reading and what Sirius is feeling.

I think Win is loveable in the fact that we can see that Sirius loved her very much - it's easy to be enchanted by a character who's loved/adored/a part of another character's life. The fleeting knowledge that we get of your OC fits with what I said above, too. Sirius didn't get much time with her and neither did we, so with the ending, it almost felt like I was being reunited with a lost friend.

This was a lovely piece, and I think you did a very good job with conveying the emotions and portraying the scenery and images. :)

Thank you for requesting!

-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: Wow!! Thank you so much for this review!!

I did take a lot of care and attention on wording this story correctly and I'm very happy that you noticed it. I'm glad I wasn't overwhelming in my exactingness of the words.

You're right, it would be better to have a backstory to this and I actually do want to write one now that I've read enough complaints/gentle admonishings of not giving Win enough screen time.

I like how you compared the reader's viewpoint being similar to Sirius' because that's how I wanted it to be.

Thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful words!

xChar


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Review #3, by uncivilizedIgnorance: Slumber

5th August 2011:
I am totally shameless in the fact that I want to be first.

*whistles*

For the record though, I am working on your request. ;] I'm just... taking my time? xD You know, I stalked the UFG section in TDA and saw this banner and that you had reserved it. So, naturally, I had been creeping that topic to see when you officially picked it up - I wanted to read the story that went with such a banner. :)

Already through the first paragraph, I am intrigued. Who is this girl, who sounds so lovely, so intriguing - because, naturally, I am very intrigued as I adore strong female characters - and why is she hated? Feared? Despised? In a matter of a few sentences, you have managed to create a picture of a girl that we don't know and I already love her.

There's a small typo in this part here, "Riding into that village as dusk gathered on the horizon and the mist hung in the air I could feel the distrust and narrow-minded suspicion directed at me and although I had experienced such things many times on my long road, it felt more venomous then most. Wearily I directed my horse towards the alehouse and it was then, through a brief gap in the swirling mist, that I saw her."

&&

"She was no more then twelve years of age."

It should be 'than' rather than 'then' and I think that if you add a comma after 'wearily' in the first part, that it will allow the readers a mental 'pause' allowing the whole sentence to flow better. :) You have a talent for imagery - you've painted this idea, this scene so clearly in my mind, it's as if I'm there. Though, especially so with the narrator's reaction to seeing the young girl. It's very powerful and I love the way that you put the words together - it's beautifully descriptive and creative - and the emotions read clearly throughout this piece - I can feel the disgust and hatred and fear.

I like how we don't ever know who the narrator is - it makes it seem more mysterious, like he's our hero too, and not just the young girl's. It provides such an excellent way for us to slip into the girl's shoes; we know no more about him than she does and I could squish you to death for doing it this way! ♥

The very last line is probably my favourite - very powerful and it packs so much into it. Ending sentences can be so difficult to do, but this one is absolutely perfect - I think it fits with the mood really well. And I can see why you love it Ruth, because I do too. It's a lovely piece - you've done an excellent job with it. I hope that you are able to push past the writer's block completely because you need to write moreee. :]



-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: Confession time.

I also stalk through the UFG section of TDA and one day I saw this banner. I'd had an idea of this story floating around in my head for a bit but then I saw the banner and BOOM I knew where it was going to go. I love the banner. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

I can't comment properly on the rest of your review too well because it makes me blush and stammer with embarrassment. Thank you so so so so much for your words, especially about the first paragraph because I wrote that first(d'oh Ruth) and then left it for about three days. I just couldn't go on. And then suddenly I don't know what happened, the rest of it just exploded out.

"I like how we don't ever know who the narrator is - it makes it seem more mysterious, like he's our hero too, and not just the young girl's. It provides such an excellent way for us to slip into the girl's shoes; we know no more about him than she does and I could squish you to death for doing it this way! ♥"

I actually hadn't really thought about that too much. It was more that I have ideas to tie this one-shot into a larger novella type story and I didn't want to limit myself with the characters. But I like your explanation - I'm stealing it XD

I'm so so glad that you like the ending line because I adore it myself but I had a few moments of worry about it maybe sounding a little over-dramatic. But if YOU say its good then I'm happy.

I'm happy about your entire review. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH *squishes to death with love*

- Ruth xx


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Review #4, by uncivilizedThe Seer: Epileptic

5th August 2011:
Heee. Back again. ^__^

You paint descriptions very well.

I know, I know. I've said it for every review so far, but I can't help it!! It's true and it's one of my favourite things - I love it when authors do this and you're so good at it.

You might have already picked up on this, but I thought I'd point it out, just in case. In this here, " "He's diagnosed you with epilepsy. You had a fairly intense seizure at home, apparently. Healer Eubank says they won't all be like that, but some will be worse. The reason as to why you seized is still unknown. Your mind was clearly thinking hard on something or undergoing a great change, he said." " You misplaced the quotation mark. :)

Harry and James' interaction was very sweet. In my experience, fathers and sons really aren't all that affectionate in normal situations, but I think in something like this it changes and you've written it very well. It reads very true to me - very realistic and it's very much how I pictured Harry as a father. Especially with the part after the epilepsy - the swearing and admonishing. He still seems calm and reassuring and loving, even though this would be a terribly difficult time for the both of them.

Even though he's not epileptic - he's not technically, right? Or is epilepsy another 'effect' of having visions? - having them think that he is is quite heartbreaking. :( It would place sooo much stress on the family and their relationships. I can hardly wait to see how it affects them as a family - more specifically Harry & James, and then Albus & James.

James' pride and unwillingness to apologize was something that I also like - it's very similar to Harry, because I feel that he was the very same way. Drawing parallels between related characters, no matter how small, is something that I simply adore.

I have a small thing, though, for you to consider.

" He waited for her to speak, and after a few moments of drumming her fingers on her forearms, she eventually said in a monotone voice. "Apologize to your father. He's in his office. Then come see everyone." "

With dialogue, it's more correct in syntax to use a comma when directly 'referring' to words spoken. So, like this,

" He waited for her to speak, and after a few moments of drumming her fingers on her forearms, she eventually said in a monotone voice, "Apologize to your father. He's in his office. Then come see everyone." "

Just something for you to consider, because I notice people do this a lot - but by no means is it off-putting. :)

But gaah, the fact that no one really knows what's wrong - they know that something's off with the 'seizures', but they can't quite figure out what - makes me giddy with anticipation! Especially along with the fact that he's going to be getting a 'care-aid.' I get the feeling that they won't get along well, if for no more reason than the fact that James doesn't want a babysitter. *excite*



-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you SO much! I'm still trying to figure out what to say other than that.

Your reviews always make me smile. Thank you so much. You are too kind. :)

I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story, and I do hope you come back for more! Thanks so much, Taylor! :)

Drue


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Review #5, by uncivilizedThe Seer: Just a One Time Thing

5th August 2011:
Hi. :D

And we're right back into the action. Perfect. >:D

Again, I like Ginny. Her worry for her son is just akjfbglbrt. I don't even know. I think I was holding my breath throughout the whole beginning scene - I felt so worried for her, even more so than for James I think. It's completely terrifying to see someone like that because, really, you don't know what to do or how to stop it or what's wrong. The image of Ginny and James and Dominique in the bathroom is painted very clearly in my mind and I feel anxious for them.

The fact that the Potter name is still famous and gossip-worthy made me smile. I'm glad that you included it - I think it would be very much talked about still, even though the war had been over for such a long time, and I think they will continued to be talked about for generations to come. And I like the comparison to dreams - about the helplessness that you can often feel in them. It's a good thing to add; I feel like I understand what James went through better with that. :)

I enjoyed the St. Mungo's scenes. :) Ginny's thoughts about James' hair was cute and funny; it added a bit of lightness to the scene and I think it helped rid of some of the 'tension.' The Healer amused me, especially Ginny's reactions to him. I think it's very realistic - people always seem to get offended/defensive about what doctors say, even if it's just protocol. xD

The thought of Harry and Ginny with cellphones is an amusing one. :P While I know they're not supposed to "work" around magic, I like that you added it. I always thought that the wizarding world was behind the muggles', technology wise and I figured that they would begin to catch up at some point. You'd think that they'd be faster and more convenient than owls/flooing.

I liked how you ended the chapter - while it's not so 'action-y' like the last, I think it fits the mood of this chapter perfectly. It's slightly hopeful, which, after a 'health issue' is very necessary. And I think the allure of 'meeting' Harry is an excellent draw for the next chapter.

You said you were worried about Albus being a Gary Stu - but please don't. :) Even though we don't see him much in this chapter, from my reading of the first one I don't think he is one. Because, really, there are people like that in real life - those who are good at sports and are smart and are liked. I'm not a huge fan of the term Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu, because I think people apply it far too much when it isn't necessary. :) So, yes, I don't think he's one and I do really like your characterizations.



-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: Awe, thank you! So much! It really all means a lot to me.

And thank you so much for mentioning all that business with Al being Gary Stu. That was so helpful, and I'm glad you see it that way!

Thank you so much! So that's all I will say because I see you have left another review and I can't wait to see what you have to say.

Thank you so much, Taylor! :)

Drue


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Review #6, by uncivilizedAll That's Beautiful Drifts Away: iii. The Betrayal

5th August 2011:
I'm here for your review - sorry about the wait. :)

First off, just wanted to say that I absolutely adore W.B. Yeats. ♥

Normally I find Marauders era to be a bit boring and repetitive, mostly because the characterizations aren't to my taste or they're too cliche/stereotypical. With your story, I don't feel like that at all. I think that you've done an absolutely wonderful job with your characters - they're all so.. real. They sound like real people, like someone you know or like someone you could be - not just a character that people read and think, "oh, I wish I was like that. (S)He's sooo funny/pretty/smart/etc."

Characters are my favourite part of any story and I think you've made some brilliant ones. The dynamic between the Marauders is wonderful - it isn't all jokes and pranks (at least, it's not the "focus" of this story, which is a relief ^_^) and I love the fact that Remus seems to be slightly insecure; oftentimes, I think that people miss that aspect of his personality. He's like that in the books, so it makes sense for him to be like that during his years at Hogwarts. It adds that realism and I found myself slightly anxious for him and the fact that he worries about his friendships - like most teenagers do. Especially in this chapter. The part about Sirius' godfather-ship causing 'severances' made my stomach clench. Regardless of the time, but even more so in times of war, in my opinion, friendships receive blows and fray at the edges.

The line "You may not have a choice in that matter" gave me goosebumps. Just saying. ^^

You've done really well with conveying the darkness of the times and emotions - I felt so anxious and sad for each character - Sirius for his distrust of Remus, James and Lily for their troubles in a time when love needs to prevail, Remus for his withdrawal and fear of being loved, and for Peter. Yes, I always feel sorry for Peter. I do disagree ever so slightly with the 'no guilt' part, because, my opinion, he wasn't out to betray them - and only did this to save himself. But I think he would have felt guilty, though that's only the image in my own head. ^^;

You said that you felt the ending was rushed/something was missing - but I don't think that at all. In fact, this chapter was probably my favourite. You included all these little moments - the important ones - and I think that they work really well with the story and its mood. I think that in times of war, there are stretches of nothingness - save for worry and anxiety and stress and fear - and I really think that this chapter reflected that. Time flies, and then it stops. So, I don't think anything's missing - so I'm sorry that I can't help you with that!

I think this is a wonderful example of a good Marauders era story. It was very enjoyable. :) Excellent work, and thank you for requesting! ♥

-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: I just want to keep your review in my Unanswered page so I can see it every time I sign on and check for new reviews, but I know since I requested that I should respond. This is just, wow, a fantastic review. Seriously, one of the best reviews ever.

I can see your point on Peter feeling guilt and only doing it to save himself. I can believe it too, but the whole no guilt thing felt more natural in this piece. I don't know. It just seemed to fit better to me. But I don't disagree with your point either!

I don't even know what else to say except thank you so much.


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Review #7, by uncivilizedZombie: One Shot.

4th August 2011:
Um... wow. That's the first thing that came to mind when I read this piece. I swear, my heart was racing. The descriptions that you use are incredible - It's painted so clearly in my mind and I feel like I'm in the room with Sybill. I can feel her pain and distress and it almost hurts to read (which, clearly, is a very good thing ^_^).

I like what you've done with her visions - adding consequences for having such a power is so good to read because I honestly doubt seeing visions and the future would be all sunshine and daisies. It adds realism, which I think makes stories even better to read.

I always have trouble writing in present tense and I sometimes find it trying to read, but I'm glad that you did. I think it works really well here - because it's much more 'active' to read. It's as if what you're reading is happening right now and for something like this, I think it just adds power and allows the emotions and feelings to come across so much clearer. There are so many lovely sentences and the way you put words together is magnificent.

This is such a beautiful piece. Well done. :) ♥

-taylor
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]

Author's Response: Hi Taylor, thanks for the review, sorry it has taken such a long time for me to reply to it, no excuse for that but thanks all the same.
I'm glad you enjoyed this story, and engaged so much with it, thats lovely hearing that. But thanks for pointing out I should check out the tense issues in places, will do, eventually lol. I am glad that you enjoyed it, that's wonderful to hear. Thanks again for the review, much appreciated :) Bobby xx


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Review #8, by uncivilizedCheckmate: Prologue

27th July 2011:
So, I'm finally here to review you. I got a bit bogged down for a bit and then I forgot, but I'm here now. ^_^ I'm sorry about the wait!

Sometimes I struggle to get into Marauders era fics, simply because there are a lot of them and I have read many. However, I am intrigued because of your description/introduction of sorts. This: "And, stuck in the middle of all of this, James Potter and Lily Evans realise that, in a war, you have to take a side..." is my favourite line and it's a great way to end it - you draw readers in that way.

I like that you jump immediately into the action - it's a good way to get readers into your story, but I do feel that you might have rushed it slightly. Maybe take the time to add in what thoughts were running through Lily's mind, how she was feeling - was she scared? What about the children? Little things - their expressions, were there eyes wide? Mouth open? Was Lily close to hyperventilating? Did she squeak in fear? Trip over something as she tried to back away? Adding those little details allows the reader to feel more involved - like they're actually there and seeing this happen. I think that's probably one of the most important things you can do when writing a story - making it possible to feel like the reader is there too.

I like your transitioning from one scene to the other - it's smooth, which is good, because an abrupt transition can sometimes throw readers off. Jenna and Layla's hope and belief in Lily seem to be very typical of what younger children are like - they always seem to believe that the older, 'wiser' person are able to get through things without worry. So, I like this accurate depiction of the children and Lily's thoughts and reactions to it. :)

You're very good at writing action scenes - so much is going on and you manage to get the urgency of the situation to come across, but I do think the chapter would benefit from adding thoughts and feelings behind the actions, just so that there is more for the reader to hold onto and feel. I absolutely adore the ending sentence - it's a lovely way to end it. The scar itself ties into Harry and his "I must not tell lies" scar and I love the parallel that you've drawn between the two.

thank you for requesting! :)

-Taylor

Author's Response: Hello there, Taylor!

No worries about the wait; the fact that you reviewed makes me a very happy bunny :)

I'm really glad you liked my summary, particularly that line. It took a lot of work, my summary, and when I couldn't even fit all of it in due to the length restrictions, I had to truncate it further. So thank you.

Yes, I know, the beginning has been rushed slightly, but since the story is complete, I don't want to change anything :/ Seriously, I don't think I could. Thank you for the tip, though -- if I write any other action scenes, I'll definitely use that.

It's good to know that I did the transition okay too. Often that's the hardest bit in a prologue so I'm glad you thought I did it right. Ditto the depiction of children -- being, pretty much, a child myself (fifteen years old) and having cousins and siblings, I do know what children are like so it was likely my portrayal would be accurate.

The scar, in fact, has got nothing to do with the I must not tell lies thing, actually :D It was stolen from DH Part 1, when Bellatrix did something similar to Hermione. But I'm glad you thought that anyway.

Thank you for your lovely review :D

~Soraya~


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Review #9, by uncivilizedThe Seer: Sick

27th July 2011:
Hoookay, this is very very embarrassing because it's taken me absurdly long to get here (2 months?), but I am now here to give you your reviews. I am so sorry about the wait!! *sheepish*

To be perfectly honest, I was very excited to see this story! I love next gen. and James is probably my favourite of the children to read about, so you had immediately captured my interest without having to put much effort into it. I kinda have a thing for stories with seers, too, though it's hard to make the story something other than completely typical - so I'm very much looking forward to seeing how you do this!

...And two sentences in, I already like it. :)

I am particularly fond of the way you interweave the descriptions of your characters along with their actions; so often you see people writing it so blatantly with no blending into the rest of the sentences around them and it gets a little tiring to read the same thing over and over again. The descriptions you use are wonderful - I can picture them in my own mind (I'm ignoring the faces that you've laid out ^^; ) and they're very vivid. I like it - your way of writing is very smooth and it's enjoyable to read. And along with the physical descriptions, you manage to include a bit of personal history as well without cramming an overwhelming amount of facts in. You've laid the ground work for James, Albus and Lily - which is what I think that an author should do when first introducing characters. Stories are meant to allow you to discover characters and it's bland and boring when people try to lay everything out for you in one chapter.

The family dynamic you have is interesting as well - the siblings seem to get along, but have that typical bickering sort of way between them as well, which is something I adore; really, for the most part, there are times when siblings get jealous and disagree with each other, but it gets a little tiring to read when writers have them constantly at each others' throats, slinging insults and throwing punches - and I certainly don't find it realistic. I like your Ginny, too. I've always found it difficult to picture her content to stay at home and take care of the family - not that she doesn't take care of them, of course, but the independence that she has retained is very Ginny and I like it.

I am curious about Albus though - why doesn't he want to play quidditch? I find his 'reasoning' to be a little suspicious. Maybe he is aware of the envy James has and is simply looking out for his brother - by not showing him up in public? And ooh, what is Harry doing?? You're teasing and I'm intrigued. :P

Oh wow, what a way to end a chapter! Absolutely perfect! Now I want to know what's going on with James - what did he se? Or will he even remember? I know that Trelawney never seemed to remember, but who knows if that's the same thing at all? *excited* I'm glad that you added all of those 'symptoms' before having a vision (at least, I'm assuming that's what's happening to James), because it feels much more realistic this way!

Eeee! You're off to a most fantastic start and you are an absolutely wonderful writer; the way you string a set of words together is wonderful and engaging and it's a refreshing change. :)

I'm a bit behind with reviewing, but I have every intention of coming back to review and I will be following this story - how could I leave it now? :D - and I'm definitely adding it to my favourites list.

Thank you sooo much for requesting!

-Taylor

Author's Response: OH MY GOODNESS!! :) Thank you SO much for this ridiculously kind and LONG review. Thank you so much for all this input. It helps so much. I'm glad you thought the symptoms was something good to add! I thought so too. And thank you so much for that WONDERFUL comment.

This review has really made my day. Thank you so much! I hope you do come back. I would love to see what you have to say on the rest of the story!

Thanks, Taylor!

Drue


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Review #10, by uncivilizedKeeping You Out Of Trouble: Dancing with the Devil, part I

27th May 2011:
Hm. I lied. Sorry about that. I'm just in the mood to keep going. I skipped a review for the last chapter mostly because there isn't really much more I can add that will be constructive, you know? What I said in the previous review very much applies to these two chapters as well and I might be combining a bit with what was in the last and in this one. ^__^ I might predict a whole lot more, too. Heehee.

I really like Otto. I know he's not really all that well known, but I think he's sweet. Is it too early for me to be shipping Ariadne/Otto? If it is, it's too late for me. That's what I'm shipping. Rabastan/Ariadne will happen, I bet, but I don't think it will last. He or his family will find out about Ariadne's not-so-perfect blood status and they will fall apart. Or maybe it will be Bellatrix behind it? I'm not a fan of her, but I could totally see her going to 'protect' her brother-in-law from someone lesser? Ha. Just my guessing. XD Another prediction - someone's going to die by the end of this story. I'm thinking. Zuleika. Which is sad, but that's my thoughts. It's during the war, so someone has to die. :P

A small typo with the name - Tiberius McLaggen, rather than McClaggen. Unless this is another OC, rather than Cormac's uncle. :)

This review is super short and for that, I apologize. I really like the story and I'm definitely going to be checking for updates. I am looking forward to seeing what happens! Good work, keep it up and definitely feel free to rerequest in the future if you are interested. :)

~civi

Author's Response: Haha, it is not too early for you to be shipping Addie/Otto...I'll let you in on a secret: Otto is my favorite character too! Though truthfully I don't foresee the two of them getting together 6th year. I'm hopefully planning a sequel detailing the events of 7th year, and that's where we might get something in romance department. Can't give you too many details though, don't want to spoil anything!

As for Addie/Rabastan, well, the next chapter will reveal more about the state of THAT relationship...it's almost completely written, should be posted in the next week or so. I didn't think of Bellatrix being an obstacle for their relationship, though that's a good idea...hmmm...and thus a plot bunny is born...

Oh dear, poor Zuz! I don't have plans for any main character deaths so far, but like I said I have a sequel in the works, so there's always that possibility.

Thanks for picking up the name typo, I'll go back and fix that later. Glad to see you're liking the story, I may rerequest when my next chapter is posted--your reviews were some of the most thorough, detailed and informative (not to mention flattering!) ones so far.

Thanks from the bottom of by HP-obsessed heart!

xoxo wenderbender

P.S. For the record, this is not a short review. Anything over a paragraph definitely counts as lengthy in my books!


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Review #11, by uncivilizedKeeping You Out Of Trouble: Even the Paintings!

27th May 2011:
Holaaa!

I'm starting on chapter ten, I hope you don't mind! I was originally planning on just doing the first chapter, but you had me intrigued, so I couldn't stop. :P To be perfectly honest, I was a bit sceptical after the first chapter. I wasn't sure what exactly I was getting into, but I pushed forward and I'm so glad I did! Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with your first chapter. I'm just naturally suspicious when it comes to reading new stories. :)

Some of this will apply to all of your chapters - mostly just the little grammar and syntax issues that come with dialogue. Like with this, "Yeah, what exactly was the thinking behind that anyway?" One of twins said curiously. You actually don't need to capitalize the 'one.' Instead, it should be: "Yeah, what exactly was the thinking behind that anyway?" one of the twins said curiously. And with this, "I am an idiot she thought, and smiled." There should be a comma after the 'thoughts', just like with dialogue: "I am an idiot, she thought, and smiled." I couldn't find an example in this chapter, so I went back and found one in chapter three. This here, " "Ash and unicorn tail hair. Nine inches. Nice and flexible." He said." should actually be written as: " "Ash and unicorn tail hair. Nine inches. Nice and flexible," he said." Other than the dialogue, there was nothing that really stood out to me. So maybe when you go through and do edits, look for those little things? :)

Characters are things I enjoy the most and I think you've done well in creating a cast of enjoyable characters. I really like Ariadne. Often times I find that characters seem just that - characters. However, I think you've made her a character that's both relatable and interesting. Even with your not-so-main characters, you've done a good job - Alecto, for example. In the books, she's so not likeable. Not even close, but I actually sort of like her here. I'm not sure if you were trying to make her a likeable character or not, but you've succeeded. :P See - there seems to a trend in some Marauder's era stories (or any era, really). Slytherin automatically means evil. Which it so totally doesn't, but apparently a lot of people have missed the message. However, I do think you got the views on blood-status correct. :)

Kim is cute! I love her. :P I found the scene of her and Zuz leaving Ariadne and Rabastan alone, along with the following moments, to be so adorable. ^__^ You said you were worried about believability? What part exactly do you think isn't believable? I haven't noticed anything that felt odd or really fake or forced or anything like that. You say in your author's note that you're not good with romance scenes, but I think you did well! I think it's important to remember that your characters are teenagers and therefore their definition of romance would probably be completely different than that of someone who's in their 20s, 30s and beyond.

I loved your ending line, by the way. It was the perfect way to stop the chapter, in my opinion. It seemed very in line with the feel of the entire chapter. Also, I fully intend to review your next two chapters as well, but it might take me a bit longer. Hopefully not, though, but we'll see.

thanks for requesting! :D

~civi

Author's Response: Thanks for the long, detailed review! Nothing makes an author's heart melt like 5 juicy paragraphs of feedback.

Haha, I totally understand your suspicions about starting a new fic...I'm often skeptical myself. I'm really flattered to see that you kept reading mine!

Thank you for the grammar tips. A couple people have pointed out my capitalization issues, I plan to go back and do a big edit later this summer when I have more time. About the (lack of) comma after Addie's thoughts...I actually did that on purpose, because I thought it looked better, but I'm beginning to change my mind. I do it consistently throughout the fic, but I may go back and add the commas when I do my edit. We'll see.

Wow, so happy to hear you like Addie's character! I'm a fan of Slytherins (pure blood, snobbish family = cool name ^_^). I have to admit though, I was surprised you found Alecto likeable. I personally thought I was vilifying her too much, which is why I added the tipsy scene in the next chapter in an attempt to make her seem more human...but I'm glad that you thought she seemed realistic before then.

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear your opinion on the romance scene! I've gotta say, my high school career was distinctly lacking in the romance dept. so most of these cutesy love scenes are coming straight out of TV dramas and books rather than personal experience. So I guess I was a little nervous on that account.

About the ending line: I actually came up with the dialogue and situation for this OC/painting convo before I even starting thinking about this particular fic...so I was really excited to finally fit it in! So happy that you liked it.

Looking forward to reading your opinions on the next chapters!


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Review #12, by uncivilizedA Weirder Shade of Midnight: On The Hoof

29th November 2010:
Yay! It's up! I am so very excited for this. so I figured I would be a good little reader and leave a review? I never know what to say so please excuse any weirdness... xD

I love the title, even though I have no idea as to what it refers to.

"Nice bloke. Punched me right inna face..." Teehee. ♥ that.

JAMR is probably my favourite Rose/Scorpius story; it was so unique and I absolutely adore your characterizations of them. I love how Rose is sort of the breadwinner, while Scorpius is more... umm... something. xD Less fixed? More adaptable, I guess. He's not really typical of the Scorpius characterizations that I've seen and I adore it. :) Plus Rose is totally amusing... Though I would have to say that Louis was one of my favourites -for reasons I'm not entirely sure I can explain- so I hope we'll see more of him. xD

First person isn't usually my favourite, but you make this interesting and amusing enough that it doesn't bother me. I quite enjoy it, actually, and I think it actually adds to the story... You're a very enjoyable writer to read. :) And I'm not really sure what to expect this time (not that I knew the last, either :P), so I'm very excited to see where it goes. :D

Author's Response: Yay, thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you stopped by. I'm planning to post chapter 2 tomorrow morning.

The title is a play on "Whiter Shade of Pale", a Procol Harum song, the Weird Sisters, and the title to the first Rose book. :) Mostly just referencing the main plot. You'll see. It's really nothing deep, I promise.

I actually dislike first person quite a bit. JAMR was the first time I'd written in it. It's a challenge, but now I don't think I could write Rose in third person :) Rose is a trip, and I love throwing the cousins in. Louis will be making appearances, as well as quite a lot of Victoire, of course, and quite a few other cousins.

I hope you enjoy the story!


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Review #13, by uncivilizedShaping Up With A Marauder: A Sea Change

9th November 2010:
This review is special for two reasons.

1)It's your birthday.

2)It's my 50th review.

One of those reasons makes it more special than the other.

It's #2.

...

Kidding.

Anyway! Happy birthday! Let's get down to reviewin' business. *claps hands* xD

You know, I didn't read the summary or genre or anything (I like to be surprised :P), so I was completely expecting some -after reading about the weight thing- angsty-angstin'-angst. But it's not. So that made me happy. Because I do not need to cry any more because of words. :P

Although, I won't lie, the very fact that she's taunted for her weight made me sad.

I'm such a sensitive soul. *swoons*

Jokes aside, I had that weird-frowny-pout thing going on that I get when I don't like people. And that is exactly what happens when people are made fun of because of their weight.

...I'm above average in the sad department today for some reason. Please excuse me.

Now! I think I'm being far too serious. And that's probably not what you're intending, but it happened. And I'm feeling more sympathetic and I generally like the character before her actual character is shown. So well done there. :)

I really like how her parents are doctors. I'm not entirely sure why. It kind of reminds me of you. Don't ask! I don't know why. But, to me, it just makes this story more... you. Which is a good thing. I promise. :)

I was a little shocked at first when I found out that she had leaned up. And, I won't lie, a little worried that this was going to be one of those stories where the ugly fat girl gets hot and all the boys love her. So I'm a little tentative in that department, but I'll refrain from making any judgement. ;)

Even if it is one of those stories, I think I'll love it anyway. I like the MC's voice. She's interesting because she doesn't seem... stereotypical? I've read quite a bit of fan fiction, and there always seems to be two extremes when it comes to characters. She seems fairly 'balanced' in that way, even though I haven't really 'met' her yet. We've been introduced, but I don't know her. You know? xD

Butteroinks.

I laughed so hard.

Butteroinks.

Tinny. I love you dearly for that.

Butteroinks.

*giggles*

You know, you're a very enjoyable writer to read. Everything flows nicely. :) I will be continuing on (and probably will leave another review... when I'm not lazy xD)... because I'm quite curious as to where this is going! :)

*squishes*

♥ ♥

The Time Lord

Author's Response: Holy cheese! A Time Lord was here!

This response is special for two reasons.

1) It's written by me.

2) It's written for you.

One of those reasons makes it more special than the other.

It's #1.

Totally original, I know. :P

Thank you very much for the lovely review! Twas very sweet of you, my dear, to leave me this wonderful birthday gift. Yaay!

Hooray for making you happy! ^_^ It's true. Most of the 'losing weight' stories out there tend to be angsty, no? But I don't want this story to be like that, because the ants in pants stage of my life (a.k.a. the teenage years) is over, I think. And believe me, I don't really want to go back to all the drama, so I avoid writing angsty stories as much as I can - not entirely possible considering that this story's about a teenager, but I'd still like to try. Psssh. If you've actually read at least the genre, you would've known this is a humor fic. *eyes roll* Heehee. :P

Awwe. I know the part when she was telling about the bullies was probably the most, er, poignant portion of this chapter and I dunno... it's good that you were affected by it, right? lol I'm not saying I enjoyed making you feel bad, but the fact that you felt something is good, I think. I'm sorry if it made you feel sad, though. *hugs*

Heehee. Her parents are doctors for selfish reasons. I want to have a good grasp with my characters and them being in the medical profession was me taking the easy road. I didn't have to research at all about how they'd go about their jobs, because I'm familiar with it. That's laziness for you! :P And it's rather sweet that it reminded you of me, actually. Not exactly sure why, either, but there you go.

Don't worry. I can understand your misgivings about the story. I know the premise to this is not really original, but the idea for this was just too vicious for me to ignore back then, so I wrote it anyway. Or rather, Inspiration was too vicious to ignore. Heehee. What I'm working on right now is how will I tell the story, because with such cliche material, that's the one thing that will make this story my own, yeah? Wish me luck! ^_^

I'm really glad that you found the main character interesting. Hooray for avoiding stereotypes! Woah! That's one of the most wonderful compliment one author can receive, in my opinion, so thank you very much for saying so. I do like my MC, to be honest, and it makes me happy when readers tell me they like her too. I feel like I know her personally. Is that weird? lol I owe her, you know. I was actually reviewing for an exam when I got the idea for her. I was having trouble memorizing all the signs and symptoms of various thyroid diseases and she sort of introduced herself and I imagined her to have all these manifestations that helped me remember the lesson. And I aced that test, too, so I decided to tell her story. :P

Butteroinks. It has a lot of fans. :P People seem to like it. I have a trivia! You know that the thyroid glands actually resemble a butterfly? Yep. I decided to play with the idea a bit and added 'oinks' to allude the fact that the organ was related to her gaining weight. Glad it made you laugh. Heehee

Awwe. Enjoyable writer, eh? That's very sweet! *hugs* Thank you! And no worries about the reviews. The fact that you were curious and planning to continue reading really means a lot to me already. And this review is lovely! I was smiling the whole time I was reading it. Can't thank you enough for taking time to review my story! You're awesome!

That's it for me! Again, thank you! I'll see you around, my favourite senior citizen! ^_^

*tackles*


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Review #14, by uncivilizedCentrifuge: V. Chaos

28th September 2010:
Yo. Let's get down to bid'ness.

(Yeah... that sounded better in my head...)

I loved the first two paragraphs. Anything with description is an automatic win, in my opinion, and you've done a really good job of painting a picture in my mind.

The fact that Nate loved this place so much makes me wonder -- what about this place drew him to it? Is it just the mystery that made him curious or is there something more to it? (Maybe information hidden by someone or even himself...) He was safe from their prying eye. Was it privacy a thing? What exactly did he want privacy for? . . . but I might be looking too deeply into it.

Again, as they enter the Shack, I love the description. :)

Whoa.

Pictures?

:O

Nate is a jerk. Just sayin'.

I can't help but feel oddly sceptical of Rose. That explanation. . . it doesn't quite make sense to me. How does someone lose control that badly over words from a stupid sod? I think there's more to it than that; Rose is just hiding it.

I like how Rose is about unravelling the mystery. She reminds me a bit of Hermione, actually. The way she's trying to explain Nate's character, his behaviours, it's sort of as if he's a tough homework problem to solve. She keeps her cool, which is enviable. I know I'd be running around like a headless chicken. Er. If they could run, that is.

Loved the comment about arrogant Americans. Made me laugh. XD

Arthur made me cry. Really did. I know people with Alzheimer's and it just kills me. :(

And then I smiled. Harry and Ron's interaction was very cute. Abscond. xD I'm glad that Harry believes in Rose's innocence and the fact that Nate is a shifty character who needs a very good beating. I wonder what's up with James? Him and Nate were friends right? I can't remember...

You said that you were concerned about pacing. I didn't really notice any pacing issues (it wasn't rushed, but it wasn't dragging either). It just had this... desperate feel to it. Especially in the beginning, when they were in the Shack. Which works well considering that they have everything to lose. I didn't have any issues with understanding/following it, so no worries there.

Also, are we going to see Neville or Hannah at some point? I'm quite curious to see them and their feelings on this debacle.

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the descriptions- that's often something that I feel like I struggle with. Why does Nate love the Shrieking Shack? it's probably less of a mystery than you think- his father is a herbology professor at Hogwarts- so while he was there, he felt like he needed to escape to be away from his father. i think also, he had a bit of a complex, like he knew all these famous people, was the son of one of the heroes of the final battle, and I think some of his cockiness came from that. We'll learn a lot more about Nate and his creepiness as he goes along.

Rose is an interesting character. Even though she's married to a "Malfoy" and he has "corrupted" her according to her parents, she seemed to be awfully experienced beforehand, didn't she??

Arrogant Americans :) Taken some heat for that comment but I think it fits.

Sorry I made you cry :( I know Alzheimer's is very sad, but it's REAL. And as much as Magic heals, there are some things that can't be mended.

Harry has a very interesting role in this story too. He's trying to do his job as an auror, pursuing the criminal, but who is the criminal here? He risks looking bad and things getting too personal, but he's sticking to his guns. He's got some surprises up his sleeve.

James...he's not so innocent.

A desperate feel? I can live with that. Just as long as things didn't happen too fast.

We WILL be seeing Neville, possibly Hannah. About 2 chapters down the road :)

Thank you SO much for this review! I found it very helpful with good points. I really appreciate your time!


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Review #15, by uncivilizedCentrifuge: IV.Family

28th September 2010:
Hey LR, sorry it's taken me so long to get here!

I've read this story before... it was a while back, but I most definitely remember it. I'm glad that you've updated it, I was quite intrigued by it. :)

From the previous chapter, I just wanted to say that -- no matter how depressing it is-- I like how you included Alzheimer's. I think I've seen your opinions on it before on the forums, about how it effects witches and wizards the same as regular people. It breaks my heart slightly to see Arthur like this; I can't even imagine how Molly must feel. :( It adds such strain to already tense familial relationships.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about Rose. She's a bit of a mystery, and I really despise being held in the dark. I want to know quite badly what happened between her and Nathan. Scorpius seems almost... childlike to me. Like he's sort of innocent, and maybe slightly naive. I feel nervous that they're going to Hogsmeade though... It doesn't seem like a very safe idea. : Oh well, it'll just add some excitement. xD

Something that I simply adore -- the Malfoys' concern and love for their family including Rose. It seems like such a contrast from the family Lucius and Narcissa had set up. They always seemed so cold, emotionless, distant. With Draco and Astoria, it feels more like a real family. The kind that argue, disagree, yet accept and love each other regardless of differing opinions. It's very sweet. :) Also, it emphasizes how different the Weasleys are at this moment in time. It seems so strained and tense, especially between Hermione and Ron. They have a hard time accepting Scorpius for Scorpius, instead he is only his father's son. The Malfoys accepted Rose. I like this, since it's exactly how I would expect it to be. I always imagined the Weasleys would have trouble letting go of their aversion to the Malfoys (not that I can blame them, exactly). Yet I always thought that the Malfoys (possibly excluding Lucius) would have less of an issue with it. The ones who are wrong always seem to take the opportunities to better themselves.

I really like Astoria, as well. 'Specially the line: "Oh, you'll have nothing." She seems like a good match for Draco... able to keep him in line. :P

I shall see you at the next chapter...

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: Oh you've read it before?? sorry! i didn't mean to request something you've already read :)

Yeah, honestly, including Alzheimer's is something that I'm glad I did, even though it's very depressing. Lol I'm so vocal about my thoughts on wizarding medicine, and that they can get regular diseases that can't be cured. The fact that I've given it to Arthur...that's probably mean of me, but like I said in my response to the review you left for the next chapter (responding out of order :) ) It's real.

That's a very astute observation, about how scorpius seems naiive. there's a good reason for that--he kind of is! Rose kind of runs the show, even though sometimes it seems the other way around. But more about that later :)

I think Astoria and her patience really had a lot to do with how Draco has matured. She helped him grow up, put everything in the past, and move on. The only thing Hermione and Ron have done is reinforce their hatred over their past, and life has been very good to them over the years. It's a sad situation, but one that I think would be very real. The Weasley's situation makes me sad, but for some reason they are the most fun for me to write. Is that weird? I do agree with your last sentence though- The wrong always do seem to take the opportunities to better themselves.

Astoria is also one of my favorite characters to write, she's featured in chapter 6 heavily :)

Thank you again so much for reviewing!!! I really really appreciate it!


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Review #16, by uncivilizedLove, Not War: The Healer

1st September 2010:
Okay. I am a complete, epic fail of a reviewer. I am SO sorry about how long this has taken me to do.

I'm liking this chapter much more.

A little typo here: Come back and take up your rightful place among out people... Our. :)

I like Saleena. Her forceful demeanor and her no nonsense attitude is lovely. I'm very curious about her background and the Gypsies. The interaction between her and her mother... I like it. There's that feeling of.. not exactly dislike, but that uncomfortable feeling when people don't quite see eye to eye, and determined to make that obvious. It's got that very real feel of when there's a bit of a falling out in a family...

I wonder about your use of "Doctor." I was under the impression that wizards didn't even know what a doctor was (unless they were familiar with muggles), and that they used Healer instead.

The word "kooshy" should be "cushy."

I like how Harry was the reasonable one. I think he would be upset, obviously, but he would trust Arthur enough to let him explain. Which he did. XD

Barley should be barely.

Can she read minds? See memories? That's really neat, if she does. I'm curiousss. =P

Draco isn't weak... I like how he's so afraid of appearing weak, how he thinks that showing emotion makes him weak. I wonder if he will learn that being able to show your emotions can make you strong.

Ahh I love how Saleena called him out. xD Silly Draco, being selfish and stubborn... Although, I do understand his reasons behind it... Draco is quite complex; no matter how much I dislike him as a character, I can't help but pity him.

A typo here: Weather it be by your father... Weather should be 'whether.'

With this sentence: "No, but you were implementing it." I think you mean implying rather than implement. Implement doesn't really make sense.

Ahh Draco. Holding prejudices... surprise, surprise. You would think that he would be able to let those go, especially since he knows Saleena too... Git.

So, overall, I liked this chapter better. It had a bit more flow because it had more going on; it held my interest more than the previous.

Taylor ♥

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Review #17, by uncivilizedVelvet Rain: Velvet Rain

24th August 2010:
Hi Gilly! Sorry it's taken me forever, but I'm finally here!! :)

First of all, I am in love with your summary. Seriously. Simple, yet powerful.

I think this one shot is beautiful. I love lots of descriptions/imagery and you have done a wonderful job with it. I can see everything in my head and, along with your use of the present tense, it feels as if I am there with her.

I think I'll list a few of my favourite quotes ^.^

A tear falls from above, mixing with her own, one by one, first slowly then surely pouring on her.

Dark and light, cool and warm, never are and never will be the same.

She remembers why she took the chance - because the happiness she feels when with him is worth the pain of losing him a thousand times over. She remembers, and she doesn't let go.

This totally brings out the romantic in me. xD

Even though I feel as if I've said this a million times, it never hurts to say it again: I love this. I'll be adding it to my favourites for sure. :)


Taylor ♥

Author's Response: Taylor, my love. ♥

You are far too kind, but thank you anyway for this fabulous review! I'm very happy to hear that the descriptions and tense seemed to have worked, and I'm incredibly flattered that you've quoted those lines. :)

I don't think I'll be able to thank you enough for this review and the favorite (squee!!!), but still -- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

-squishes-
Gill


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Review #18, by uncivilizedLove, Not War: The Letter

24th August 2010:
Hi Roxi, I'm here for your reviews. Sorry it has taken so long, I've been slacking a bit this week. :/

So what I noticed first is that it really seems like you're listing all these facts about the children not living at home. All three paragraphs seem quite similar in format.

I really feel for Molly, though. It saddens me to think that she's all alone and I think that you've portrayed her aloneness quite well. Especially with this sentence: But he knew that Molly did nothing but sit at home each day and wonder where their youngest son was, when he was coming home, or even if he was still alive.

Poor Molly. :(

In this Rufus Scrimgeour was slowly losing the support of the people because the people didn't trust... using "the people" twice sounds quite repetitive, and doesn't flow quite right for me. What about changing the second one to "they" or something similar?

Uh oh. Letters from Lucius Malfoy are never good. xD To me, Lucius seems a bit OOC because I find it incredibly difficult to envision him asking for help from Arthur Weasley. I don't think he would beg, regardless of the situation, but that's my own opinion.

I did notice a few typos:

And I know that you have every right to say no. but please, just hear me out! -- You've added a period after 'no'

I am sorry about all of this, buy my circumstances... -- A little typo with 'but'

One he gets board with... -- It should be 'bored'

...will be able to set aside out differences... -- 'Our' instead of 'out'

...they left barley any trace... -- 'Barely' instead of 'barley'

...we very well cant... --Missed an apostrophe in can't

I'm not sure what to think of Molly's reaction to finding Draco Malfoy on their front step. I think it's a little bit too much. No matter her dislike, she's a generally caring and loving person, so I can see her being hesitant and wary, but nothing quite so extreme.

I seriously love this quote: "No, but if we straighten Draco Malfoy up, it will certainly be doing the world a favor!"

Too true, too true... XD

Also, there's an 'o' added in Lucius' name, as well.

"He hasn't fully dealt with loosing Sirius yet!" --Should be 'losing' instead

I do like how you ended this chapter. Besides the fact that it is a bit of a cliffhanger, I like the emotion (of sorts) that it brings. Their silence really shows the gravity of the situation. There's nothing, really, that they can say.

Now you said in your request form that you were mostly looking for people's honest opinions of this story. Instead of doing this in the second review, I'm going to do it here because the next chapter is quite long, so I don't want to run out of space. While I think that this idea has potential, I'm finding that it really isn't my thing. That's mostly because I am not a huge fan of Draco, especially in AU (or partly AU fics). Hopefully I don't seem too harsh or rude, that's not my intention at all, I'm just letting you know my own, personal opinion.

For the most part, I think you did really well with conveying the emotions of the characters. In a war with Voldemort, it really is all or nothing. There's so much at stake, and every thing is changing. People are desperate, which you've shown well. So, yes, I like the feel of it. :)

So, with that said, I will see you at the next chapter! :)

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: Hello, hello! No need to apologize, I'm the one who should be sorry. It has taken me WAY too long to respond to this... First of all, I don't know if you saw it or not, but I nominated you for "Outstanding Reviews" in the House Cup right after reading this. Seriously, this review IS outstanding!! It's helpful and honest, without being too critical. Thank you SO much, I love it!! :)

I seem to be saying this a lot lately, but Lucius is SUPPOSED to come across OOC in the letter. That was intentional. I wanted people to get a fell for how desperate he really is, so that was the way I saw best to write it. Sorry if the OOC-ness was too much to take in at once tho... And as for Molly, well, she really isn't THAT hard on him in the following chapters, I promise. She comes off a little too extreme at first because... well, imagine being in her shoes. Draco is Lucius Malfoy's kid, he fled the school with the Death Eater's after Dumbledore was killed, and now the Wizarding world in an open war. She doesn't know if this is a trap or not and she certainly isn't going to be trusting of him right off the bat, no matter what the letter says. But she becomes more 'Molly-Like' towards Draco once she gets the opportunity to hear his side of things. Just, at the beginning, she kind of freaks out and that was where I was trying to go with that.

And thanks for pointing out all of those corrections too. I don't believe this chapter has been Beta'd yet, so when Katie and I go back through and spruce up these beginning chapters, that will all definitely help us out!!

I am sorry it doesn't seem to be your cup of tea tho... Maybe the next chapter will change your mind? (Haha!) And I don't mind you sharing your personal opinions with me at all. Like I said, it's honest, and I love true honesty, no matter how brutal. I'd rather someone be straight with me than lie right to my face, you know? I'm happy you liked the overall emotion tho! Emotion is one of those things I am most obsessive about getting right in a story, lol! :)

Thanks you so much for all of the time and thought you put into this incredible review! I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on the next chapter as well!
~Deana~


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Review #19, by uncivilizedSomeday, You Will: Question

17th August 2010:
I lied. I'm back again already. XD

I didn't notice this before, because I am just that unobservant, but I love how you title your chapters.

Ah here come the Marauders. James the obsessed. Sirius the exasperated. Peter the agreeable. Remus the rational. I like their dynamic. They're the best of friends, but they have their differences, which I like. James and Sirius are not exactly the same, something that I grow tired of. They seem a typical group of teenage boys, not the Gryffindor Princes or the Kings of Hogwarts with haughty, better-than-you attitudes. So, yes, I'm loving your Marauders.

Poor James, worrying already. I'm sure the worst is about to come, I wonder how he will take it. I only see two possibilities at the moment: either he'll be so completely jealous or he'll concede to Lily's wishes and allow her to be happy. But, I'm being presumptuous here, so I should say if Lily/Lucius ever comes to form. I'm thinking that it's more likely that it will be a secret, if it does happen. Lucius would never let this be public knowledge; it would be a big blow to his pride and I think his sense of duty to his family/belief system would override his "love" of Lily Evans. Or maybe I'm way off, and it will just be a brief, lust fueled snogfest. XD

I seriously laughed out loud at the Malfoy-Evans scandal. ^.^

Oh Lucius. Using violence to get what you want. Typical. XD

Haha! I like Amy. I hope we'll be seeing more of her, I love bluntness. Dolts. Oh man. :D

LUCIUS AND LILY. OH NOES!!! DX This is bad news. (In a omgthisisawesome kind of way). They're not very successful in hiding their interest yet, but I bet that as soon as some one mentions it, they'll be a hell of a lot more careful.

Oh, there we go. Go Remus. He doesn't push her, and he just offers some advice. Remus is awesome.

All was finally well. Well, that's what you think James. *claps hands together excitedly*

I'm favourite-ing this, by the way. It's fabulous. Feel free to re-request (if you want ^.^).

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: Hello again! And thank you a million times more!

Yus! I love titles. They mean a lot. And I especially love when titles have a running theme. This was actually on accident, but I've decided to run with it. xD

Ooh, so glad I got the Marauders right as well! I really hate how people characterize them sometimes. We've really only seen one scene of James, so he's pretty well open to interpretation and we hardly got to know Sirius so he's open as well. The Peter we know isn't the same Peter from school. And Remus...well he's Remus. Pretty easy. So there's some things we know about each of them but not enough to completely know their characters. I thought a lot about how I would write them, and I'm glad you liked it. ^^

Especially that you appreciated that Peter actually had a positive personality! I hate it when people make him awkward or cut him out of their stories completely just because we know he's a jerk when he grows up.

Hahaha, I liked your little rant on the possibilities of Lily/Lucius, especially the bit abut the snogfest. xD But yes, James really is put in quite the position, isn't he?

Amy is awesome to write just because she's so...not me. I'll definitely be bringing her in again (I hope). :D

Haha, yes, they're paired together. It was bound to happen! There are only so many ways they'd be in contact with each other! And that one was just so convenient. >.>

And Remus is awesome.

Yay! A favourite! Thank you again for this awesome review and the awesome review before it! I will most definitely be re-requesting once I post a new chapter (which should be within the next week or so...hopefully...).

Magically Yours,

Dem


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Review #20, by uncivilizedSomeday, You Will: Explosion

17th August 2010:
Hello! I'm here for your reviews. :)

I just want to point out one thing in your summary. In the quote " 'I am not you.' her icy glare pierced into him." The H in her should be capitalized.

Let me say this, I love your writing style. It's very engaging. I'm drawn in from the first chapter, and it definitely makes me want to continue.

Concerning characterizations, I think you've done a great job so far keeping Lily, James and Lucius in character. Lucius especially, since he isn't open to as much interpretation as the others.

I like your Lucius a lot. He has the blood purity complex, but he's more. . . I don't want to say open minded, since he's not, but there's a little more to him here. I don't think he'd ever really change his mind about his beliefs (which is sort of obvious lol due to the books), but the fact that he does question them a bit adds more depth to his character. He isn't just some bigoted fiend. I like his thoughts on power versus blood. He won't change, but the fact that he even considers something other than what he has obviously been taught from a young age is wonderful.

Lucius is a likable character. Kudos to you for that! XD

I even like Snape a wee bit more than I did before. But shhh! Don't tell anyone. XD I'm not a huge fan of him, but in this chapter/story he seems to have more likable qualities.

Oh poor Lily. Letting her thoughts rest on Mr Malfoy is such a bad idea... I like how she notices his facade slipping; I think her noticing this little detail will cause her to become more and more curious. She's going to watch him. At least, that's the feeling I get.

He needed her. I love this. I get the feeling those words will be from Lucius the next time around.

Ooh I love the memory of helping those who need it. Nice parallel drawn with using a snake. :)

These are my favourite quotes:

". . .it'd take more threats than he could be bothered to enforce to repair the damage to his reputation."

"Gears turned frantically behind a blank facade."

Great job! I love this. You might be on your way to convince me to ship Lily/Lucius, even if it's a secret one. ;)

I'll be able to do your next chapter tomorrow (although it's probably tomorrow for you already XD).

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! Sometimes it's nice to just hear another person's thoughts and not have them dissect every aspect of your story (though, those are very nice as well) so this is really a refreshing review.

I love writing Lucius. And I'm ecstatic that I'm keeping him in character. Everyone so far seems to think so. He's so much fun to write just because he is such a complex character. I've always thought there's more to Lucius than portrayed in the novels. There's a reason he's the way he is and I honestly don't think it's just because he was brought up that way. It takes more than upbringing to make someone that adamant about their beliefs.

Snape is...interesting. It's still hard for me to imagine that he and Lily were actually really close friends. I actually play off of this quite a bit in the next chapter (so maybe you'll like him even more xD ).

Yes, Lily is quite the curious one. I smell trouble!

Thank you again for this awesome awesome review! I will definitely be re-requesting. :DDD

Magically Yours,

Dem


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Review #21, by uncivilizedThe Flower Field: The Flower Field

16th August 2010:
I'll probably jump around (and possibly repeat myself) because I go in the order I see things. And I ask questions (that you don't have to answer lol, I just like to museee).

Let me start off by saying that I love this. My favourite things are lots description and imagery, so this is absolutely brilliant. I'm currently having a little squee-fest because this is just so FABULOUS. Seriously. Your descriptions are making me swoon.

The first sentence was wonderful, I think it's probably my favourite of the whole thing. The first two paragraphs set the location perfectly. It draws you in, like you're in the clearing with Narcissa. It feels very peaceful.

I wonder who this man is. Since I skimmed through a bit and then I read/reviewed at the same time, I know that she is dead. It is reminiscent of Harry's time at King's Cross with Dumbledore. I'm curious who he is to her, or if he's Death or something similar.

Ah. The eyes. Her father's eyes. Does Death (I'm going to call him Death, to make it easier) have an original form, but takes attributes of the deceased's loved ones? Maybe to provide reassurance and comfort?

If this is Death, I like your use of him. He's mentioned in The Tale of The Three Brothers, and you're not really sure if "Death" is a metaphor or an actual being of some sort. I like how he is a being.

You're giving me Inception flashbacks. Great movie. Anyway, more specifically, the quote "Do you remember how you got here?" I dunno if you've seen the movie, so I shan't spoil it. I like the parallels this draws to the movie. Death is but a dream, is it not? Death is a state of mind, according to HP there's an afterlife, which is basically a dream (or at least I think so).

But I digress...

I like the dynamic of the sisters. It seems very realistic, with the youngest being stuck with "what's left." And, from this little snippet of her, Bellatrix seems normal (if you could ever really call her that), too often she appears as insane/angry/beastly as a younger child. I don't think she would be like that. I think she'd be intense, but still have some moments of childhood regularity.

The scene with Andromeda and their father makes me pity Narcissa. She turned her back on her sister. The position she was placed in would have been incredibly painful. Duty and honour or her sister? A sister who she's close to? I wonder how different she would be if she walked out that door with Andromeda. But Narcissa is not brave. She is selfish and ultimately does what is easy. Even in the clearing in DH, I would not consider what she did brave, but selfish.

The way you portray this is lovely. Feeling the pressure from both sides, knowing that you have to make a choice, knowing that both choices have irreversible consequences, it just made my stomach tighten from the stress of it all. Poor Narcissa...

I did notice what I think was a typo. In this sentence here: "Every word of his was punctuated with a lethal amount of venom." I think it should say this? Maybe?

Ah! Death changes form! What is going on?! :O Does he take the form of where she is "at" at that moment in time? In her memories?

You're making me question my thoughts on Lucius/Narcissa. Before I read this, I would have said that Narcissa did love Lucius, if not at the beginning of their marriage, but later on. But now, now I wonder if all it was was just a sense of duty, even though her father is long dead. Purebloods are so prideful it seems, such a shame...

I'm second guessing myself! Gah! The way they were at the table at the end of DH, makes me think she did love him. I can't make up my mind. I'll have to think on it :P

I see that I'm mostly agreeing with what you're now saying about Narcissa. I'm not copying! I swear!! XD

The scene of death was so sad. It made me all teary eyed, picturing Draco watching his mother's life slip away... Beautiful.

I always list my favourite quotes, but there are so many of them, I'll only list a few:

Everything was dark, a fathomless black that surrounded her with its inky embrace.

...the sigh of a breeze graze her cheek...

Their laughter metamorphosed into a butterfly of inexplicable beauty; the very sound of it kindled a fondness in her heart.

...as a ghost of a memory slithered back to her...

Brilliant work. I loved this. I think you have Narcissa spot on.



Taylor

(and I just realised this is bloody long. Sorry bout that XD)

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you very much for the wonderful review. I really appreciate all the comments and will look into the typo. I will also be getting to your story shortly to review. Once again, thank you very much!

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Review #22, by uncivilizedRochester: The Start

23rd May 2010:
Yay! It's up! Win for me. XD

I was so curious as to what "Rochester" was, so I'm glad that it was mentioned! XD The way you described the store (and, well, everything) was fantastic. I could see everything, it was like I was there.

I think there was a bit of a typo with this sentence in the 3rd paragraph: "... and an many other items..."

Daily arguments with the mirror? hahaha. Nice.

I love Lysander already. He's fabulous. I laughed aloud at this:

"Are you sure?" Lysander felt the note genially, raising it up and down. "Doesn't feel like fifty pounds. Feels like a feather -it's paper Logan- what are you thinking?"

XD

I like Addie too... Well, I like them all so far, actually. Even Logan. hehe.

Cerinthia and Lysander's interaction was so bloody cute! Love it. I can hardly wait! *squees like a fan girl*

Yeah, so I'm definitely excited. :D I absolutely adore this. Love it. (That feels worth repeating). It's very yummy. (hehe).

It's a bit unfortunate that I'll have to wait for 3 weeks to read more. But I know it'll be worth the wait. Anything you write is.

(:

*heart*

(Yeah, yeah, haven't figured that out yet.)

Author's Response: & h e a r t s ;

Remove the spaces!

And:



See? Now you know! (it's a trade secret though, so don't tell anyone! XD)

Yup. Rochester was mentioned. :) I'm glad you thought the descriptions were good. I think when I go back to edit this I'll look those over first, just to give them a run through, you know? :D

Fixed the typo! Extra word I think. Thanks Taser. These have been proofread by yours truly and may be a little lax in the 'perfect' department. XD

Over his appearance! Logan's a stubborn old mule!

I'm glad you like them. They were kind of quick snap shots of the characters. I'll open them up a little bit more later. :D

He'll be a witty guy. I like him as well. I've always kind of liked Lysander. Dunno why.

Addie's fun. As is Bennett when you get to know him. Dickens... and then there are a few more too! Hope you like the rest of the cast as well! :)

You did like the interaction? *wipes sweat off brow* What a relief. I wasn't exactly sold on it at first, but if you liked it I'll like it :)

You'll have fun during those three weeks though and won't even remember. Thanks for that Taser!

(:

JD! ♥ XD


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Review #23, by uncivilizedRochester: The Prologue

16th May 2010:
Hello you! (:

I want to leave you a review because you know... Yeah. And you know how I feel about reviewing! So! Feel special. *commands* XD (I certainly feel special since I'm the first one!)

I really like this. Mhm. A lot. It's just like thinking aloud. And it's interesting and engaging. I can't even do a coherent review... It's just... I like it. I can't really explain it.

One thing though... What's a hawking cough? Do you mean hacking? Or is it just a word I'm unfamiliar with? :/

My favourite bits would have to be:

"...telling each other we wouldn't let each other go until the world burned. Until the sky cracked, or at least until morning light."

I just got... not quite a mental picture, but something else... A brilliant feeling, a sense... Hmm. It's something... but I'm being rambly!

"Live life, stay wary around love, as it takes everything from you. Not just your time."

J'adore! I don't necessarily agree with it (but that's not really the point is it? XD), and maybe you'd be able to guess my retort, but I like it. It just... Works. And it's pleasing to my eye. XD

I am sounding like a complete and utter goof, but I wanted to review and let you know what I thought! As you probably have gathered, I love it. It's delicious. (Yup, I said delicious). It leaves me with a sense of wonderment and delight. I think it's the romantic in me. Plus, you just have a way with words.

So I'm adding this to my favourites. I can hardly wait!

(I would insert a heart here, but I can't remember how to do so with out messing this thing up. So you'll have to use your imagination XD).

Author's Response: I'll reply later. If you know what I mean. Because I typed up the whole thing and it was lost. *dies of annoyance*

Yeah. *grumbles*


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Review #24, by uncivilizedAnd the American Svengali: Part One: Only the Most Ridiculous Tales

11th April 2010:
Hello JD. I feel like leaving you a review. Because I can. Although it shan't be as lovely as yours (♥), so you'll just have to deal. :P

I don't know why, but I thought it was very interesting that she grew up in South Africa. Though, poor Rachael. Her story was very sad :( . Got a very gruesome mental image because of the eating. *shudders*

The mystery wand. I is oh so curious.

Go Harry. XD Mrawr. Takin' charge. Sayin' what's what. . . Then getting food sprayed on his face bahaha.

You know, I think Fig is one of my favorite characters. He is just so bloody hilarious. His reaction was epic! I bet Rachael just loved slapping him. XD

Kinda pointless. . . but oh well :P

Until next time!

huzzah,

Taylor ♥

Author's Response: XD Huzzah! Hellow Taser. How are you? And I'm glad you've left me a review.

I think you're review was just as good as mine. This story doesn't have the 'philosophical' implications that yours does, so commenting on the same things I did is kind of impossible, no?

haha - Harry just . . . he's kind of my innocent little punching bag for jokes. Like recently. He just gets beat up a lot in offbeat ways, you know?

Fig is kind of funny, yeah? His reaction . . . haha yeah, definitely epic! XD

It wasn't pointless you licker.

And Rachael has had a hard time of it, hm?

Oh well - until next time indeed! Thank you Taser, from my heart o' hearts,
JD


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Review #25, by uncivilizedDeja Vu: Reasons and Dares

4th April 2010:
Gah, this is a complete and epic fail for my lateness. Sorry about that! >.<

Hehe. Poor Won Won. He's never going to live that down is he? I like the interaction with the adults, we haven't seen much of them before so it was interesting.

I love their dresses, even though -er- I can't see them. I picture them. They are lovely and well, you know what I mean! XD

Aidan's gift to James was ah-mazing. Perfect. I love it. She obviously put a lot of effort into it, therefore it is one major *hint hint*. hehe.

Shot wars. Dear god. Nasty. Aidan and James certainly do not know how to play fair. Although I think Aidan had a distinct advantage ;)

I wonder why James took her wand. Like, I know he wanted her to come and get it, but what about the kiss? It didn't seem like that was his intention from the get go, but he obviously had to have a reason to take her wand. Flirting? That's certainly a possibility. XD

I got the perfect mental image of his room, since it reminds me a bit of my brothers. It sucked me right into that scene. I felt like I was there. :D

Can you feel the chemistry?! Snap. Crackle. Pop. I was a little peeved that you left it there, but I see that you've got another chappie up, so I forgive you ;-P.

This is not my favorite review, but I am so sleepy xD I'll be back soon to review the next one dolly :)

10/10. Lovely!!

love civi

Author's Response: Hey sweetheart!

Nice to hear from you and your lateness is completely forgiven! :D

And there was no huge reason for taking her wand. He probably just figured it would be uncomfortable for Aidan to stow it back where it was and spend the night like that so he just thought he'd take it for safekeeping. It wasn't an elaborate plan to seduce our girl :D And I hardly think James needs to take Aidan's wand to flirt with her.

Go ahead and read the next chapter and make sure you let me know what you think!!

Thanks so much for the review!!! Mwah!!

Cheers!


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