Good start to a good story. Just a little bit concerned about the use of exclamation marks, you need to watch out for these when writing dialogue.Author's Response: Dear Cherrie,
Welcome to my story. Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you're enjoying what I've done so far. Yes, the exclamation marks are used a bit, but what's to be done when I'm trying to put across that they are either yelling or excited. I hope that you'll find it possible to grant me this one personal writing style. Other then that, is the story to your liking? Let me know what you think of the other chapters. Stay with me there's a lot more to come.
Until next time,
Marc Report Review
This was good - I would love to go through and help you make it better, but I don't really have the time. I advise that you find a 'beta' on the forums - they will go through the story and help you fix it up so that it has correct spelling, spacing and grammar.
Good Luck, my friend!
Iced_CherriezAuthor's Response: thank you so much! it means so much to me for you to say that. but i am getting help for i am still at school. but thank you anyway. Report Review
Just thought you ought to know that you spelled Lily wrong... It only has on 'L' in it - the same as the flower - not Lilly.
xxAuthor's Response: ahhhhhh! I can't believe I did that! *hits self on head* I don't know If I deserve to be a hp fan. Thanks so much... I see some serious editing in my future! Report Review
Another good, long chapter!
You still need to watch the exclaimation marks and some of your characterisation. I am pretty sure Snape would not yell "WHAT!?" at Dumbledore, but maybe thats just me.
Also, make sure you start each line of dialouge by a different person on a new line - even if there is a sentance in between them, they always have to be on a line of their own, otherwise it can get confusing as to who said it. Having it on a different line also means that you dont need to put 'said sirius or said lily' after it - because you can tell what character you are up to.
good job again, keep it up!
xx Iced_Cherriez Report Review
Okay, that was a good chapter and I am really liking where this story is going - I am all for the James' angst - it is, after all, what my own newest story is all about.
One thing though - I think you seem to use exclaimation marks a little too much. You should only use them if a character is shouting something or exclaiming something loudly or excitedly. I noticed in Madam Pomfrey's conversation there were some unwanted exclaimamation marks that made it rather difficult to read and almost comic - and I am certain you didn't really want that response.
Well done! keep up the good work,
Iced_Cherriez Report Review
awww I loved it! that was so swet!
xxx Report Review
woah- I wanna know what happens next! that was great! xx Report Review
aw poor rose.. I really hate Ron right now...
tehe Hugo reminds me a little of my friends sister... lol.. really really really moody!
its such a pity that I cant read the rest of this tonight - I really want to - but I have to sleep...
x well done, again!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and for all of your reviews! Glad you like the story! (",) Report Review
yes, Oh dear... haha I knew it was Scorpius from the moment she said she liked someone... lol!
Loved the chapter, keep up the great work!
xx Iced Report Review
again, another great chapter! I absolutely love the details, the thoughts and the sarcasm... fantastic! x Report Review
Omg, that first chapter was hilarious! you wrote it so well... I can just imagine all that happening as I read it..
haha! xx this is my first R/S story, and so far I am liking it!
x Report Review
I'm sorry I havent reviewed for your earlier chapters, but this is a very good story! The only thing - which is not really a major thing - is the the way the 'whole' school reacted to Lily and James getting together. Its almost as though what you have written is metaphor or a simile.. I wouldn't have expected the whole hall to be listening to What Remus says to Sirius, or how Sirius and Amberle reacts.. its a little unbelievable... However, the rest of the chapter is great! xx Iced Report Review
Wow, that was amazing! I loved it... fantastical! It was so sweet and so maturely written - great work!
xxx Iced_CherriezAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!!!
-earthfarie Report Review
Wow that was fantastic.
I really love that phrase... Carpe Diem... And you used it so perfectly in your story!
xx Iced_CherriezAuthor's Response: Heythanks!
I love the phrase Carpe Diem as well, but the ironic thing is that in my Latin class just the other day, i learned that Carpe Diem doesn't mean 'Seize the day'...it actually means 'Pluck the day'. Go figure!
Anyways, thanks SO much for reviewing! It means a lot. Report Review
Wow... I just read this story again and its still as fantastic as it ever was! what has it been... 3 years?? thats such a long time... I came across the Hogwacks sight the other day (by looking it up on google) - long live Hogwackers United!
*Hits Pru on head with back of Broom stick*
x Iced_Cherriez a.k.a Evelyn CherryAuthor's Response: My dear girl, aren't you like in college and partying in Sydney or something by now? LOL. I just checked in and saw your review. I hope all is well. Go Hogwackers! Good times with Quidditch! Cheers, Prudie Report Review
*sniff* that was fantastic! I loved it.. I'm all tears now...
xxxAuthor's Response: Aw, don't cry! Though it is sad, that's for sure. :( Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
aw... another great story - I almost feel sorry for snape - thats an almost... 'another red-headed girl..'... *sigh*...
xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! This story was suppose to make someone almost feel for Snape. Report Review
aw I loved it! it was so sweet...
I feel sorry for Teddy... but a little confused about his logic - Harry does know about losing his parents... - In a way Teddy is lucky because he didn't witness their death...
xxxAuthor's Response: It was a moment of anger when Teddy said it, so there is no logic in it I suppose. Report Review
Oh my - I remember when this story was all little and new!
You have come so far my friend... its such a great thing!
I also remember making those chapter pictures and the banner for you- once upon a time... *sigh* that was so long ago - I look at them now and think about how good I thought I was..
Anyway, I read this again the other day - and I felt so proud of you!
well done on the great job
xx Evelyn (Iced_Cherriez)Author's Response: It's been a few years since you wrote this review now, Evelyn, but thank you so much! Somehow I wanted to visit my story again, mostly to update and remove unneccesary A/Ns. As I go through the chapters I keep being amazed by your chapter pictures, they are just so unique! You've got some talent too, girl :)
~Astrid Elisabeth Report Review
I should have told you this a very long time ago - but this was a FANTASTIC story - I just wanted it to go on forever and ever and ever and ever...
I didn't get to review every chapter like I would have liked to, because I put the story on my Ipod so I could read it while I was at work (haha.. I am so evil)
So I am telling you now how fantastic it was...
You have inspired me to finish my own Lily and James story - which I started writing 3 years ago! (wowee..) So after three years of working and procrastinating, its finally updated - and you should feel honoured, because it was mainly because of you that it was. so thanks!
anyway, keep up the great work
xxx Iced_CherriezAuthor's Response: Wel, thank you so much! Aww, me too, but some things havta end eventually.
Well don't I feel special. iPod stories. Jeez, it's the new generation! *dances*
Oh, I'm so glad! I hope you continue on!
Thanks soooooo much! Report Review
this was a good story - but for some reason it almost made me laugh! Good writing... but strange subject - very Alternate Universe..
well done xxAuthor's Response: Yes it was a really random thought actualy i read a book about a read headed stripper so i was like alright i can work with it! lol glad you laughed i laughed when i wrote it :) Report Review
I was just passing by and noticed this story - it could do with a little bit of space tweaking so that it is easier to read - but I just wanted to say that it was a great start! I wish you had updated this when you were writing it.. because I would LOVE to know what happens next!
xxx Report Review
hello, you probably don't remember me - you reviewed one of my stories a long time ago.. 'Everything beings with a Change' and I just wanted to say that I have started to update it again.
xxx Iced_Cherriez Report Review
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