I'm telling you, this could easily be a novel! I love it! So much! I'm really enjoying seeing where this goes, and I can't wait until they reach the land itself. I'm excited!Author's Response: -blush- And I'm telling you again, thank you very much! ;) Keep your eyes peeled! I'm planning chapter four bit by bit when I should be paying attention in class! Haha. Thank you!
- Ginni Report Review
Ah the reunion of Arthur and the Dursleys. Haha. So, you being with one month later. Was this one month after the Battle of Hogwarts? Anyways, there seems to be some spacing issues with your story, which throws me off a little as a reader. A simple editing will fix that up, however.
So Kingsley is the Minister of Magic, obviously. However, he Dursleys have met him, and actually like him, so the interaction above threw me off, even though I did notice your note at the top. Just an FYI for you, though.
I like the story, especially with the Dursleys. I don't see many stories about them. And Blaise...very...intriguing; this is not a bad thing, only that it keeps me interested. I'll have to keep an eye on this story to see where it goes. Great job.Author's Response: Thank you for your review and I appreciate you letting me know about the spacing issues. I thought I fixed it lol. It was a challenge writing a story like this so yeah I can see how it would throw you off. Hope you continue to read though and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Thank you again :) Report Review
Well, that certainly is an interesting concept (and by interesting, I mean the good kind). First person stories...not my favorite thing to read, but I will get through them. As long as you don't start switching perspectives or something, I can deal. I was actually laughing a bit as I read this, maybe it was the mix of sinus meds and too little sleep, or maybe it was the story itself. Sorry, though, if that just offended you; I really don't mean to.
The concept seems a little cliche, but I can deal with that easily. I would like to read more, and I will. I'll keep track of this story, because it does sound like a lot of fun (or it will be, I should say). Great job.Author's Response: Yay for the good kind of interesting, lol!! This is actually my 1st attempt at writing a whole story in first person. I don't normally do this sortta thing, but I wanted to try something new and fresh for the new year, lol! Haha, and no I was not offended, I actually laughed when you mentioned the sinus meds & sleep deprivation... Reminded me a little of myself, lol!! :p
I am so glad you will try to keep track of this! It's just a short little story, so I didn't intend on it to be very long - like, 6-7 chapters or so... I am happy you thought it was so much fun, haha!! Thank you so much for the review hun!! =) Report Review
For first clicking this story, gotta say it: EPIC CHAPTER IMAGE. With that said, on we go to the story!
I wanna cry!! That was so sweet and sad and awesome and I feel like rambling because it was SO CUTE! I've gotta keep tracking this story because it was so great. I won't get to the next chapters tonight (I'm needing rest right now) BUT WOWOWOWOWOWOW. That was fantastically amazing work right there. Instant favorite!Author's Response: Ah! This is definitely the best review I've gotten so far. :D You've completely made my day. Awww! Report Review
Alrighty! I liked this. While I was going to read all the chapters you had up, that will be delayed for a while I finish off the rest of my reviews for others, then I'll come back. I've got all the info down to find it.
I noticed, since I accidentally clicked another chapter, that you tend to have a lot of references to stomach tension and nerves. That was interesting. I find most fanfictions tend to leave that sort of thing out. Anyways, Milla seems like an interesting character.
There are a lot of descriptions, to which I am glad. I rather dislike read stories that don't have a lot of description. I also dislike when there are stories with nothing but, although there are a few rare exceptions to that.
For the brief time skips, you shouldn't have to put in an extra paragraph space; for me it throws off the entire flow of the story.
I was surprised to see you had put that part of Snape's memories in there. I liked it though.
If you are wanting to keep it canon, though, with the Sorting Hat, I should let you know: the person wearing the Hat is the only one who can hear it speak. The whole room doesn't hear that, otherwise people would have been accusing Harry Potter a lot sooner in CoS as being Slytherin's Heir for nearly being in Slytherin... just to let you know..
Anyways, I'll have to come back to finish this. I really liked it. Can't wait to see where it goes.Author's Response: Haha thank-you for the excellent review! I hadn't noticed so many things that you pointed out! Especially the sorting hat thing, I just thought about that silly scene in the first movie where the hat was chatting away! I'll change that when I edit!
As for the spacing, you're completely right! I've had horrible issues with spacing when I copy things over from word (or any other notepad type software)! I think I've finally, sort of, nearly mastered it so I'll fix that too! :)
Yeah, I do like Snape! He slips out of the novel for a few chapters (I think from around chapter four) but pops up again in chapter eight! :)
I never noticed the stomach thing! I suppose JK kind of mentions it every now and again in her books, and I just thought if that's how she's feeling I better write it down haha!
Anyway, thank you so much for your lovely review and I'd love to hear what other bizarre mistakes I made if you read on! :) I'm glad you liked it and I hope you continue to like it haha! Report Review
Hmm, this was interesting. When I first saw Lily's name, I started freaking out . I had to go back and check, just to make sure it wasn't Lily Evans/Potter.
Great descriptions. I LOVE descriptions like nobody's business. I really enjoy reading fanfictions that are more than just dialogue or rushed description to get to the plot.
Where the dialogue begins, I am assuming that was a flashback. Perhaps you should italicize it to differentiate it between past and present text.
You also had a sentence there, about the middle of the story: "that I still want to be with you, then I you will come back for you." That "I you" is really throwing it off for me, even though I knew what you meant.
Anyways, continuing on, I liked the ending, and the transition to Scorpius's approach, though that scene felt a little rushed. I realize that this is probably written for a contest, but perhaps when the contest is over, you can go back and more gradually bring Scorpius into play, perhaps give more background on Lily and Blake's relationship or something. Just an idea.
This was a good story though, and if you develop it a little more, I'm sure it will be EPIC. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks very much. You are right, this is for a challenge, but there is a still about a month until the close so I can make the amendments that you have suggested to make it more 'epic'. Your thoughts have been very helpful thanks. Report Review
Wow, not going to lie right now, but I spaced a little on my review of chapter one, so sorry about that, I feel really bad.
The title of this story caught me before, but I didn't have time then to read it. Going over it now, I am a little startled. So, the very first sentence MADE MY NIGHT. I was laughing all the way down until about the sixth paragraph or so because of it.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, I get a little rough below, so please bear with me. Is James's father dead too? Why are all these fathers going bye-bye? That fact managed to bug me until I reached random student named Evan. Please, please don't have a character named Evan while Lily is still an Evans. It through me off a little.
Also, the suddenly warm Lily to James thing was rather off-putting, one of the most random parts in this chapter...Until I got to the random attack of the Death Eaters.
For one, are you going based off fact on this story? Because Hagrid takes the first years, not Head Boy/Girl; two, you need to subtly bring in the relationship with James and Lily. They way it was just thrown in there felt like I just got hit with a Wake-up stick for not paying attention.
Now, the GOOD stuff (I know you probably don't want to hear anything after my little tirade, but, sorry) Anyways, this James, I can live with. I can understand his attitude. While I still haven't quite decided about Lily, James is working well. Sirius seemed...serious. Seriously! (I need to stop that) He felt very reserved, not at all outgoing or excited as I pictured, or as happy. Maybe in the next few chapters?... While I didn't exactly like the randomly attacking Death Eaters, their attacking is actually a good thing for the story itself. This is a time where V is growing in power, and he may have his sights set on the school now. So I can see that working. But slowly bring in the DE because that attack felt...forced. Sorry
Anyways, I really liked it but since I have a ton more stories to read, I will catch up on the next chapters after a little delay.Author's Response: James's father is dead. I explain it more in a later chapter, but honestly there is a reason why both fathers are dead rather than the mothers, mostly because I didn't want to write about a step-mother but needed another parent-figure for Lily.
Her name is Evauna, although maybe I've misspelt it in the chapter? I'll have a look at that in a second.
Lily is only really letting James be friendly because he isn't usually friendly and she's upset, in later chapters it's clear that she hasn't really warmed up to him totally.
I am trying to make it canon, but for this I did go slightly off and say (not directly) "Hagrid escorts them because of what happened today".
I will definatley try to make it more subtle, so thank you so much for that tip.
THank you for being harsh- it really helps me to know where I can improve and what I may have missed when writing this. Thanks for the review, it's been really helpful :) Report Review
This is a very interesting take on Lily. In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure I like her like this, though maybe she will grow on me within the next chapters.
There's a part right at the end that you say "I could almost feel my FLASH flush" instead of "face" so I thought I'd let you know.
The concept is a little cliche and familiar, but this is only the first chapter, so i'm holding back my harsher criticism for those (if they are needed of course)
Overall, it flowed well, and fairly quickly despite the number of words. I'm not exactly sure who the Frank step-dad is, or how he comes in to play, but I'm sure you had your reasons.
I wouldn't mind seeing where this story went, though, great job.Author's Response: I don't know if I want people to like Lily, as long as they can sort of understand her :)
Thanks for the review, I'll be sure to change that typo! Report Review
WHY!? (no not you, but J.K.) WHY WOULD YOU KILL HIM OFF? HE IS AMAZING!
Now, after that little rambling session, on to your review:
I am saddened because as I am writing this, Snape's picture is at the top of the page thanks to the lovely theme I have set up on here. And before you ask, no, I did NOT refresh it until it came to Snape, this was all by chance. T__T depressing chance.
Anyways, I really liked the interaction between Lucius and Snape about Draco. I could really feel Lucius concern here for his son. Your story(ies) broke my heart. T_T Because of you I witness Severus's birth, parts of his life, and must relive his death! It's beautiful and utterly depressing. Thank you for writing it, because it's going straight to my favorites.Author's Response: Well, that was the challenge! :P I think Snape's death had to happen, as depressing as it was. It made sense, anyway.
I am truly honored you added this to your favorites, and I am really glad you enjoyed it! :D It was so much FUN to write, and I am sad it is over. Report Review
Oh man! Each chapter I read makes me love this story more and more! I can see this happening, too. Snape seeing Lily and James, and finally snapping like that. I can't wait to see where the next chapter goes...
On a slightly other note, the previous chapter, I had a suggestion I totally forgot to mention. It was in the third paragraph, the sentence of Eileen breathing heavily. I would suggest changing her breathing "heavy" to "hard," so that you don't have "heavily" and "heavy" in the same sentence.Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion, I'm always missing things like that. :D I'm really glad you like this story! As you're as big a Snape fan as I am, it means a lot to me. :) Report Review
Aw I absolutely love it! Your descriptions are fantastic and so vivid. I felt like I was there. And, of course, I was already mad at Tobias based off the books, but this, grrr it just shuts the door on me ever liking him.
Now I can't wait to get to the chapter!Author's Response: I never, ever saw any redeeming qualities in the little we saw of Tobias. :P I understand where you're coming from!
Thanks for giving this a read! Report Review
WOW. This story is so well-written and the concept...oooh. If you subtracted the Hogwarts references I could easily see this story/novel coming out into publishing. I really am enjoying it so much. I mean, I'm sure you could if you really wanted to, write about a magical world, and what not, while not getting too close to Harry Potter, and this story would go through. Instantly one of my favorites. I can't wait to see where this story goes.Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment! Thank you so much! I just got your PM too. -blush- Haha, sadly, I'm not that confident in my writing to actually think about publishing. -shifts awkwardly- And I think if I took away the magic, Ezekiel wouldn't have much of a character basis. But it really, truly, is a huge compliment to have! Thank you so much! I will keep you updated on when the next chapter is due out! ;)
- Ginni Report Review
Pt. 1 of review:
Where the narrator is writing, perhaps italicize it or bold it to differentiate it from the initial text.
Now, the concept is very intriguing, and was definitely not what I was expecting when I jumped onto this story, though you'd think the banner would have given me a hint? Guess not, my mistake.
I really like this story. It's definitely going into my favorites. Now, part 2 will go on chapter 2.Author's Response: I didn't think I had any particular spots where he was writing... generally if it's not a big excerpt, I keep it the same because he's thinking it anyway, and since he's the narrator, I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. But thanks!
Haha, it's definitely a unique story. I think people sometimes forget that magic had to exist through the eras we commonly write about and into the eras in between. Big events in Muggle history surely impacted the Wizarding World! Thank you very much Kaida! I appreciate it! =] Report Review
Alright, to start, I liked the story. The fact that it was Snape of course made me want to read it even more.
Now, I will start with critiques. Ok, you mention that Dumbledore seemed to know Harry's temperament already, yet Harry had not yet arrived at the school. Was this based off of Snape's memories? Because I would assume that based off those memories, Harry had been at Hogwarts for about a week because Dumbledore mentioned the other professors opinions.
Anyways, the story is really well written. Your descriptions are really well and the concept lovely. It's Snape, what can I say? Anything with him is fantastic.okay, maybe not everything.
Now you note at the bottom that this is part 3/4, yet I see it as 1. Are you going to change this order or change your note? Just curious.
Anywho, I will reivew your other 3 chapters/short pieces a little later, since I just ran out of time right now, but I WILL get to them. Great job!Author's Response: I'm glad to hear you liked the story! No, this is not based off of Snape's memories - it was just a scene that fit well for the particular feel I was trying to get across in this one-shot.
And, unfortunately, I can't change the order around, as the first chapter posted sticks. So they're all in order except for this one, which should be second-to-last. Sorry for the confusion! ^^
But thank you SO much for coming by and leaving such a nice review. :) I look forward to your other reviews! Report Review
Alright, I'll tell you straight off the bat that I really liked this story. Not what I was expecting at all. Now, to the nitty gritty stuff.
You might want to consider saying that McGonagall hid the name BEFORE showing Tracey the paper, because I was about ready to go crazy with that until I read the next paragraph. Little details tend to bug me.
Anyways, the talk with Dumbledore, as well as Milicent's outburst, feel a little rushed, as did the confrontation with Milicent, but the confrontation was decent.
Perhaps, in the talk with Theo, you could keep the whole "you just did" sequence, but right after have Tracey pause, think, then glare at him for making her feel foolish or something.
In all honesty, I was not entirely sure about this story when you mentioned it, but once I read it, I really warmed up to it. In fact, I liked it a lot, so it's gonna go into my place of honor (i.e my favorites, hehe). Maybe once the challenge is over you could expand this story because I really liked it.
Kaida_SnapeAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it.. It was a little rushed but i needed to get it through my beta and into the que on time to count for the challenge.. i just entered another challenge where i'm going to use these two characters again! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that you feel it is worthy of your favorites list! You made my day! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my oneshot!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Oh, you know what? I think I was reading about this story on the forums. I like it! I hope it will continue on soon because this is actually a very interesting read. I usually don't like first person, but for this story, it works!
Great job, can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Hi!
You probably did, teehee. I've been asking for help with this plot bunny forever. Mostly about titles and such. I'm glad you like it despite the first person, and I'm even happier you plan on reading more!
Thanks so much for the review and the compliment!
Liberty Report Review
Oh goodness. I-I don't know what I think yet! Haha I'm so torn! I mean, it would make me absolutely want to reject it, yet I find myself intrigued by this pairing. Alright, I want to know if Vernon is heavier now, or if he became big and plump after finding out about Regulus.
Goodness, now I'm gonna have to sit and wait for the next chapter. Thanks for intriguing me so! Gah, I must know where this is going!Author's Response: hehe :) Vernon is the person in the front of the banner! ;) so he is NOT yet the vernon we know and love in the movies! ;) he is not that man at all yet! :)
Hehe intrigued? Bad or good. . . LOL Hope to keep you hooked till the very ending! :) I have this all planned from start to finish with only 20 chapters so it wont keep you waiting to long! Thanks for the read and lovely review!
I understand its a hard ship to get past, not only that but it is indeed a slash fic, so i have been shocked by those so interested and so far liking it! :) Hope not to lose to much respect! ;)
hehe XxJess Report Review
Interesting story. I like where this is going. The format is good for a novel, or short story. I'm just not a fan of reading such online; but that is the format's fault, not yours. I really liked this story, though I will say I do not like that the classes are not capitalized. I see that you kept with Acromantula being capitalized, so I was a little irked to see classes weren't.
The flow is a little rushed, but not too bad. I have seen published work with worse flow, so I am not too bothered by it.
All in all, a really good story. I'm going to have to come back when there's an update.Author's Response: thank you! do you mean by classes like "potions" or "herbology"? I guess I didn't capitalise them because in real life classes, you wouldn't capitalise "history" or "maths." I can't remember how JKR does it in the books, but it's probably capital letters since you noticed mine weren't! In going back and editing the story, I'll keep this in mind :)
I will see if there's anything I can do to make the flow seem less rushed, because that can be annoying, I know! I think I wanted it to seem like everything was happening in a "boom" "boom" "boom!" sort of order :) But I'm open to changing it to make it better!
thank you so much for the review! i appreciate it and will definitely keep your comments in mind! i'm glad you liked it despite the little things :) :) Report Review
Oh that was adorable! Here I was thinking it was going to have a different ending than the book, and you went and proved me wrong!
I really liked it a lot! I almost wish there was more. It was really well written.Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I didn't want to change canon, but I also didn't want them to end on a bad note. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
Wow, great ending. Figures it would be a girl that spurned him that set him off 'em forever. Anyways, I liked the story and your ideas. It was a little rough, but it was still really good.
I guess it's just a picky thing for me, but perhaps you could italicize the flashback or something to identify it better. But, like I said, it's just me being picky. Really great job otherwise!Author's Response: hey thanks for the read and review. i'm glad you liked my ideas for this oneshot and that you thought it was good in general. other people have told me as well that i should do something to mark the start of the flashback better so i will get that fixed when i edit it!
Thank you so much!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Oh, that was adorable! Goodness, I almost feel like crying. Haha I haven't read many Neville fanfictions, and seeing that this one was part of the Writer's Duel challenge, well, OF COURSE I had to come check it out. It is really well written and sweet. Your style is good, and the plot was really nice. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you sooo much for reviewing. I've never written with an OC before and I usually am pretty adamant about not reading OC's...but then this plot bunny came to mind and I ran with it.
I'm so glad to hear a positive response. Thanks again so much. I appreciate you taking the time to review!!
-schoenemaedchen Report Review
Wow. That was dark and amazing. I absolutely loved it! Where do I even begin? I have only read a few stories about Regulus, but still, you insert ANY character in here and it is absolutely amazing. GREAT job! This is going into my favorites, easily!Author's Response: Thank you so much! *hugs* I'm really honored you put it in your favorites. Mind if I shower you with virtual teddy bears and cupcakes? Well, I'm doing it, anyway.
*explosion of teddy bears and cupcakes* Report Review
Aw, I really liked this one! It was simple yet awesome at the same time. I really enjoyed the fact that you did your research for the potion and everything. It sometimes irks me when authors just jump in spontaneously and get facts wrong (while trying to say they are right, I mean). Anyways, really great job!Author's Response: Thanks for your lovely review! I'm so OCD about canon facts, so to hear you noticed them is a huge boost for me. =D I'm very glad you, being a Snape fan, liked this story! Thanks for your review. =) Report Review
Wow. That was simple, cute and really well done. I really enjoyed that! In fact, I will have to favorite it in a minute. The language flows straight through and the voice is fantastic. Great job!Author's Response: Hey Kaida! I always see you on the forums, so thanks for stopping by and leaving a review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, really! Thank you for all the compliments about the piece, and yay for favoriting! :-D I really appreciate you taking the time to review and absolutely making my day better! :-) Report Review
You know, I was caught by the title. It is very entertaining. And I can almost see where you're going with this. You're writing style is a little rough, but not too bad! I can't wait to see where this goes, though. Good job!Author's Response: Thank you for the review. It's most definitely not my best work. But I haven't posted anything for half a year, and it was starting to get embarrassing. -___- It's only a one-shot, though, so this is all there is to it. Just one of my weirdo tongue-in-cheek things. Glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
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