Wow, intriguing start, will definitely keep reading! Report Review
Da dun dah! Oooh, Dark Magic is involved! I can't WAIT to read what Cissy's opinion of dark magic is. Obviously she has a sister like Bella who is utterly nuts and is totally into dark magic, and later we know Cissy sort of condones it. I love how you are drawing Lucius and Cissy further and further apart, and I have this strange feeling that at some point she is going to have to chose between her friends and him - and we know which she chooses.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, another awesome chapter and I love the mystery surrounding Drew; still don't know whether to trust him or not! I'll leave another review on the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I love that we both share such an affinity for the Black sisters! I think they are an amazing family and there is so much to learn and analyze about them. Next chapter should be up soon. I look forward to your next review xoxo Report Review
Hahaha, certainly a novel story for Easter! Loved how different it was, and you even got Scorpius in there as was which was amazing! James is EVIL hahaha! I really enjoyed it!Author's Response: Thank you so much. You are the first to notice that I made the one shot a Rose and Scorpius, yet I saved him for a surprise. I figured in a one shot, the writer can do whatever they want, and I wanted to see some audience participation. It's just , never done. I'm so happy you got a kick out of it. I keep thinking I should do something for Christmas :) Report Review
Hahaha, good chapter! It's nice to see some interaction between Narcissa and her friends! The only thing I would say is there is maybe a little issue with your narration. You seem to switch from third person to the omnipresent narrator which was a little jarring at the beginning of the chapter.
The only other (tiny, tiny thing, I'm being really picky now!) when the girls go to "wash up", they go and do their hair and make up. In Britain, that would only be used to describe washing the dishes, so I'd probably say something like "going to the loo" so we could all hang out and do our hair and stuff!!! Other than that another awesome chapter!Author's Response: Oh dear, thank you so much for that bit of feedback! I'm so used to writing in first person that sometimes I completely mix it all up with third person. I will definitely give that a look, and same with the "wash up" bit.
I hope you keep reading and I look forward to more of your reviews! Next chapter should be up within a week or so xx Report Review
Owch! That was kind of personal, and very vindictive and sneaky of Lucius. Well, I suppose, that is why he is a Slytherin! It was also good to see a side to Narcissa where she wasn't always so sure of herself, but I suppose she's got a great revenge coming up!!!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Yes, Lucius is quite the fellow isn't he? Just wait till you read about Narcissa's comeback! It should be coming up in the next few chapters! Thanks a bunches! xx Report Review
Oooohh, what's this about Drew? Maybe he's not a halfblood but a Muggleborn? Other than that, I can't really think what else it could be.
Best chapter so far, it has really racketed up the tension and the intrigue, can't wait to read the next one!Author's Response: I love your reviews! They really make me feel good about my writing! I'm glad you find it suspenseful! Thank you so so much!! xx Report Review
Really liked this chapter, and I loved the whole Lucius v Narcissa thing. I think its great how you've moved away from the normal thing of having Lucius and Narcissa hopelessly in love from the word go.
Only one small thing. In introducing Nixie, Vesper and Drew all in the same chapter, there was a lot of description pertaining to these characters, and it slowed down the pace at the beginning of the chapter. I think I would have waited and introduced Drew in the next chapter. Other than that one small thing, it was great!Author's Response: Thank you for your feedback! My favorite love stories are the ones in which two people go from hating each other to loving each other. I hope you keep reading and leaving great reviews, they're very encouraging :) Report Review
I saw your story pop up at the top of this list so I thought I'd give it a read! Love the start, it really pulls you in. Even thought it is a wholly descriptive chapter, it's great how you hint at what has gone wrong and why she is upset, which prompts the reader to continue!
For me, it's either two things that would make her THIS upset; either Lucius has done something bad/is going to do something bad, Bella had jinxed and killed someone or become a deatheater or, and I really hope it's this, one Andromeda Black has run off with one Ted Tonks!
Can't wait to keep reading!Author's Response: Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I hope you keep reading to find out :) Report Review
Good chapter, loved Tom just walking past and basically saying "I've seen someone die." The relationship between Sophie and her friends is really good: I'd love to see if that is going to be shaken up a bit!
Only thing is the chapters are quite widely spaced apart and you might want to edit that. Other than that, great again!Author's Response: Yeah...Tom's a funny one :) Ah, you will see! What's being sixteen without friend drama? I've been working on that. I realized they need a bit information and be a little less choppy. I wrote the first two chapters months ago and started working again so they are a bit sketchy. The next chapters will be longer and flow better. I'll upload it as soon as my new story is validated :)
Thanks again :) Report Review
Again, another really good chapter. In my stories I'm so rubbish at writing best friends, they always come across as lame, uncaring or whiny. You, however, made it seem like Sophie had some really good friends and the banter was perfect.
I also really liked how you didn't have her swoon over Tom straight away, and she is a little bit aloof. You've also established her character really well.
Couple of typos (died instead of dyed) but everyone does that! And I'm really nit picking now but I'm guessing you are American (I could be wrong!) because of the phrase "meat-headed jock". It's not a very English saying! Other than that, great again!Author's Response: Oh good, I was worried they just seemed awkward and unrealistic. Don't worry, I'm pretty bad at it too. I started another fic on here and my characters may be a little robotic if that makes sense? Yeah, Sophie is not a fan girl that's for sure. You're good, I am American, Mid-West in fact. I come with the yeah, you bets, and you knows? I didn't know people didn't say that. What would be an appropriate phrase that you recommend for future reference?
Thanks again :) Report Review
Really interesting idea. I LOVE Tom Riddle stories, and I love how in this chapter you pull the reader right in with your "declaration of intent" for this story (i.e. explaining how Tom was broken by Sophie.)
I also really liked how your language was very colloquial and portrayed your character's background. There were a couple of words that I think (though am not sure) should have capital letters at the beginning such as Muggle and Muggle-born, but other than that your style flowed really well.
The only thing I would say (because there has got to be some constructive criticism!) is the paragraph where you explain how his hatred of Muggles extended from Sophie breaking his heart sounds a little implausible in relation to canon events, but it definitely could be a contributing factor. I think it would be really interesting if you explored other reasons that Tom went bad alongside Sophie's story to make him a really well rounded character.
Other than that, I thought it was a great start and I hope you keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks :) I thought it would possibly be a cool spin off Riddle. OH, you are right. Muggle is capitalized. Missed that. Thanks, I'll change that as soon as I can. There are definitely other reasons to his hatred. Sophie doesn't know, of course, because not many knew about Tom's past, so she blames herself. I plan on including more. I have to change a few things, however. Because Tom is popular in this story and in J.K.'s he just had followers. You know? But I'll put in canon events, no worries ;)
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Grr...Molly. I actually think Rose is in the right this time, and I do think it seems to be gang up on Rose week. Bless Scorpius though, he's being really sweet and a true friend to her.
Love it.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
I'm really sorry that I haven't reviewed this story so far because it's amazing and I'm just reading it so quickly, but I had to with this chapter.
Oh. My. God.
The whole make-up of this story has just come crashing down with this news! I can't actually believe it! I thought Teddy was a genuinely nice guy! Rose is going to have a self esteem collapse after this, and be very conflicted.
I also want to say I love the way you write. You managed to make so many witticisms and write in an engrossing way. I love it! Report Review
Wow, you've changed it loads since I last read it! It's really good, and great how you've taken time to develop a character's background, particularly a new character like Nikki. It helps to make her have a strong character that makes her instantly recognisable and creates light and shade within her personality, and a clear reason for the actions she is going to take in this story. On that, you were brilliant!
The only thing I would say is that you introduced a lot of characters in this chapter without giving them any noticeable personality trait to distinguish them. If you introduce them through dialogue or appearance, it would be a lot easier for the reader to remember them all. Other than that, it was brilliant and I will definitely read the next chapter!Author's Response: sorry for the way overdue response! i thought i replied to this earlier, and then i went MIA. thanks so much for the feedback- i'll be sure to incorporate it when i edit (which should be soon!). hope you're well and thanks so much for the review!
-M Report Review
Really nice start! I like how you have already shown a contrast between their personalities, and I think you have the dialogue bang on. I'd love to see how you develop them, because you've created some firmly established characters with some great dialogue.
My only small criticism is if this is destined to be longer than a one shot, you could have moved the last section (the bit where Nikki goes to see Charlie at night) to another chapter, as it felt a little quick. Other than that it was a great start!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm so glad you like it! You're right about the last part- I'm never sure where to transition between chapters. I'll go back over it though! Thanks again!
As you've left such lovely reviews of my story, I thought I'd come over here and have a read of yours!
I have to say I LOVE your dialogue; its so romantic, but yet at the same time feels absolutely natural. It also succeeded in keeping with the characters, especially Lucius, who in some fics is turned into a bit of a drip, or turned into an evil snarling psycho! You treaded the line well, and allowed him to be romantic and sentimental with his wife, but also kept the edge to his character.
I also love how you portrayed Narcissa as Lucius' voice of reason, and by mentioning Dobby you really helped in keeping the threatening edge to his character!
The only thing I'd say is I would love some more description, but the description you do is amazing! Really good one shot, I really enjoyed it! I love Lucius/Narcissa!Author's Response: Aww thank you so much, this means so much to me. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it. Yes, I tried my best to keep Lucius's character in tact while adding in the sentimental part of his disposition while he's with his wife. Thank you so much :) Report Review
Amazing! I love the way you used darkness in this chapter, and your descriptions were sublime! I love stories about the Black Sisters, it allows you to branch out into stories that are rarely touched upon. I also love how you show Rodolphus in this chapter; he really is a neglected figure, and you drew his character in a few short sentences. Can't wait for the next one!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you!
Yes, I really loved writing about Rodolphus; he's an interesting character and I'm looking forward to developing him a bit more.
I am also excited about the next bit! Thank you for such a great review :) Report Review
Yay! An update! I loved the Godric section in this chapter, I think it's really good how you've given him a strong motivation for what he is going to do. And Rowena seems really tough, if a little idealistic, at the moment, but I really like her character. I suspect that Rowena is the one person that Gemma predicted Godric is going to love, but I'm not too sure at the moment!
I can't wait to see more of Helga's feelings and motivations coming out in future chapters, and hopefully she will help Rowena's magic grow. But I am interested to see, as Godric and Rowena are presumably Muggleborns, how they will make friends with Salazar in the future.
And Salazar, he is the character I always really look forward to seeing because he obviously goes through the biggest transformation through the story. I will be interested to see how you tackle this.
I love the way you write, there's no repetitive language and you obviously check what you write so thoroughly. I'll be reading when the next chapter is up!! Report Review
Good start to the story! Couple of spelling and grammatical errors, but everyone can do that! I liked how you showed Rowena's defiance and you wrote some really good dialogue. Maybe you could include some more description like in your first paragraph which was really good and showed a real attention to detail. I can't wait to see how you interpret the other characters!Author's Response: I'll keep your suggestion in mind when editing the story and developing future chapters. Thanks for the review. Report Review
AH!!! I nearly fell off my seat when I saw this had been updated! I love this story so much, and I am so glad it is back! Really good chapter, I loved how much of it was just in Artemisia's thoughts. Can't wait for the next one! Report Review
I think Evie is going to die. Because Sirius would stay with her until the day she dies, and clearly he is not with her later :( Still brilliant chapter and I can't wait for the next one!Author's Response: Oo well hang on there! I think I may be a little more unpredictable than you're giving me credit for ;) Til the day she dies may be just an expression ...or maybe not. You'll have to wait and see!
Thankyou! I can't wait to hear what you think of the next one!
T Report Review
Well, we all knew that was coming, right from when Remington slammed the door when they revealed the plan to her right at the beginning. But it's a great story, keep reading!Author's Response: Haha yes. I'm glad you kept reading!
T Report Review
It all seemed so happy and lovely...until that last bit. I love that you are adding a sinister edge, because obviously, at this point, the war was starting! I'm definitely going to keep reading!Author's Response: Woohoo thankyou! Yes it is sinister and I'm not sure if you've gotten up to Chapter 13 but it's about to get a whole lot more sinister after that. Sigh. Happiness is never simple is it?
Thanks for your review!
T Report Review
Yay! I was right!!! But, seriously, another really good chapter! Sometimes I want your chapters to be longer they are so awesome! Can't wait for the next, and last one :(Author's Response: You were right -- congratulations! :D Sometimes I think I'd like to WRITE longer chapters, but I'm slowly gaining more and more confidence in writing whatever the heck I feel like writing. :P I think it's really nice of you to say that, though!
Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you thought of the chapter, and I hope you check back on Thursday for the last one! ♥ Report Review
Oh dear...things are not looking good for Hannah! I love this story because you are taking it along such an interesting route, filling the blanks in different ways to how I expected. I also love how you highlight the simple things as well, it heightens the tension in the rest of the story!
Definitely keep writing, because I'll keep reading! Report Review
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