SOrry it took me so long to get around to reviewing.
Now, Dramione isn't my particular cup of tea, but depending on the story I have been known to enjoy myself. Lucky you, this is one of those times!
The main problem with those stories I don't like is that they aren't very believable. But I had no trouble understanding the distressed emotional states of your characters, and there actions were perfectly reasonable given the circumstances.
The whole thing flowed very well, and there were no problems that I could spot.
Overall it was a great piece of work! Great job!Author's Response: Thanks hun! I think given those circumstances, it's actually even possible to take place in HBP, really! I'm glad you agree. Report Review
It was sad, and a little sweet. No grammar or dialogue problems that I saw. Everyone's speech felt very natural, and it was an easy and enjoyable read.
Good work.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your review. =) Report Review
Hey, remember when you requested on my thread a few months ago for a review? Well here you go.
Its a very well written story so far, and I enjoyed it. I wouldn't think of Luna and Blaise as a well matched pair, but there you go. There were no problems that I could find. Grammar, dialogue, and flow were all great.
Sorry it took so long! Life is crazy busy most of the time. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: oh wow, no need to feel bad at all!! thank you so much for actually reviewing this story. i really truly appreciate it!! Report Review
Interesting concept. Things are about to get CRAZY!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Another fine chapter. I sense a sort of "Holmes and Watson" vibe between Hawes and Washington. Nice work.Author's Response: Hehe, that's what I was going for. Either that or "Poirot & Hastings". But yeah, I wanted to establish some sort of rapport between them, however small it may be. Report Review
Seems good so far. Well written no grammar problems, and no concerns with the plot.
Good workAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm relieved to hear that. ^_^
~Misty Report Review
Seems good so far. No problems to report.
SOrry it took me a few days to look. So...tired.
Probably won't read any more for now, but feel free to rerequest.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Good work so far. No problems that I can see.
Consider me intrigued. Very creepy. It's giving off a very "Wicker Man" sort of vibe.
Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks so much, pwcapone! I really appreciate your feedback. ^_^ Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Hmm, lets see.
There were a few grammar errors. The most serious one was near the beginning
but they had yet to actually them seriously.
There were a few slight OOC character problems in my opinion.
"I'm sure we'll get to do all sorts of things. We're smart, we're strong, we're like... awesome at spells and stuff. And we're fearless. What kind of mission won't we be able to do?" said Sirius confidently.
Reading this, it makes Sirius sound like he's either stoned or a California valley girl. And Wormtail giggled like a 13 year old when asking Sirius if he and his girl had "done it yet." Remus smacking him in the head was quite appropriate.
I really need to start paying attention to the sexual themes warnings that pop up. A blow up doll? *shivers*
Not my cup of tea, but not a bad piece. Keep it up.Author's Response: seeing as you don\\\'t even have any stories written, please do not criticize mine. thank you. Report Review
This was my favorite chapter so far. No problems with this chapter whatsoever.
Nice work.Author's Response: Fantasic!!! That's really great to hear. And I really deviated from HBP in this one. I'm glad you liked!!
~Kurlz Report Review
You could basically read my review of the last chapter, its all the same notes. One grammar error I think you should change near the end of the story, where it says "Lyra’s slime was completely gone."
I assume that was supposed to be smile, not slime, unless I missed something. Not a big deal, but I feel it takes away from the scene.
Liked the Harry/Lyra parts. Once again the scene very similar to one from HBP bothered me, but that's probably just me and my weirdness.
Good work.Author's Response: HAHA oops!!! LOL totally unintentional. I'll fix that right away! And yes this is one of those HBP chapters, but it gets better, I promise!!
~Kurlz Report Review
Another good chapter. Good work. There were a few problems with grammar and sentence structure, but nothing glaringly bad.
There was only thing that really bothered me, and this is probably just a pet peeve of mine, but I don't really like the parts that are obviously pulled from the story of book 6.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the chapter, and having not read the last story I can't really make the best judgement on the writing style, but from my understanding this is an alternate year 6, right? Maybe I've just seen it too many times, but many stories dealing with alternate versions of certain years are simply the same basic plot with an OC's backstory added on top. So when I see scenes like Draco and his mom in Madame Malkins, or Lavander suddenly finding Ron hilarious, I cringe just a little bit. I enjoy the Lyra bits just fine, but if I want to see the awkward Lavander/Ron stuff I'll go read Half-blood prince.
Maybe I notice this sort of thing because I'm writing an alternate book seven (Featuring a vampire as well!), and I'm careful to make sure that elements from Deathly Hallows don't sneak in. It's entirely up to you of course, but I think the story would be improved by distancing it from Half-blood prince as much as possible. This will keep the story your own, and keep it from becoming a pale reflection of Half blood prince.
Sorry for the rant. I like what I've read so far, I really do. But that particular thing just rankles me a little bit.
Hope you don't mind the criticism, and keep up the good work:)Author's Response: Please, I LOVE constructive criticism! And I totally understand the fact that this plaot is so very close to the 6th book. I did intend that - keeping true to Rowlings plot. But as this story unfolds, it goes more into Lyra and less Half-Blood Prince.
And I'll take your notes into consideration when I keep writing and updating. People who take that much time to analyze a chapter is an amazing person in my book!
Thank you for the wonderful review!!
~Kurlz Report Review
Looks good so far. Not having read the previous story it is hard to follow at first, but I felt like there are enough details about Lyra to carry on reading the story.
My only complaint would be with the paragraph formating. Everything was spaced out more than necessary. Otherwise great work. Keep it upAuthor's Response: AH!! I know, my computer is so, SO messed up!! I can't figure out how to upload chapter's without the message that says "you must have double spaces between paragraphs". I try the simple editor, but it takes out all my bold and italic words! Such a pain.
Thanks for the review!
~Kurlz Report Review
I wonder why they don't seem to mind that James is wandering around the castle. I sense a sinister plot.
ANyway, good work. No problems that I could spot.Author's Response: There's a reason for that, as you seem to have sensed. XD Rodolphus hints at it in Chapter 5. Thanks for your review! Report Review
Looks good so far. You just can't keep these Death Eaters down, can you?Author's Response: No you can't! Thanks for the review! Report Review
A nice look at the characters who don't get a lot of time in Deathly Hallows who played a big part in the Weasley twins lives. Good work.Author's Response: Thank you :) That was one of the reasons I wrote this - the characters like Angelina and Oliver had the potential to be fascinating, but JKR unfortunately over-looked them a little.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
It made me giggle, and there's not much more to be said. Nice work.Author's Response: thanks! glad you giggled. :D
~madelgranger Report Review
James Potter: Redhead Stalker.
Fine so far. No problems with useless info so far. Good grammar, good sentence structure, and the writing flows well between description and dialogue.
The only problem I could think of is that its to short, but otherwise every thing's fine. Good work.Author's Response: Hahaha, no kidding, right?
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review :) Report Review
Good story summary. Only a couple of sentences and I found myself thinking, "Why? WHY WOULD SHE TURN HIM DOWN.
Opening the story...
Characterization seems good so far. You've taken characters we only got brief glimpses of and fleshed them out a little bit.
She loved Ron best? Ouch. Harsh but understandable. Good insights on Ron and Hermione's personalties. Chalk up another win for characterization.
I got a little angry when Scorpius called the Wealey's stupid. I seem to be reviewing alot of stories about girls with guys who don't treat them that well. I guess this is a problem alot of you girls are having? Sorry on behalf of guys.
AND done. Good story. Characterization was good. Story flow was fine, I never had problems understanding what was going on. Keep up the good work.
Anyone looking for good Rose/Scorpius should favorite this story and see where it leads.Author's Response: Glad the summary works. :D It's doing just what I intended, which doesn't usually happen with my summaries. Thanks for letting me know about that!
Hermione is probably one of those more overbearing mothers, always wondering why her children aren't doing well enough in school because it was never a problem for her. :P Ron's more easy-going, in a suitably Ron-ish way.
With the "stupid" scene, it was more a class issue than boy-girl problems (as Ron and Hermione, as poor pureblood and Muggleborn still wouldn't rate all that well socially, especially with the Malfoys). I suppose that the popularity of the love-hate relationship makes that type of scene a usual part of romances. No personal experience there. :P
Thank you very much for this review! Good to know that the characterization and flow are going well so far. Those are always troublesome things to maintain. :) Report Review
Good so far. There were still a few grammar errors here and there, but nothing that made me lose interest. Your characters sure dropped the f-bomb a lot in the first chapter!
Anyway, enjoyed it so far. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thank you. Your not the first person to mention the 'F' word, i'll have a look and see if i can remove a few or at least put a warning at the top =]
Liz Report Review
Don't mess with Hermione when she's grumpy!
All and all this was a finely written chapter. I think I noticed one run on sentence in there somewhere, but that's just nitpicking on my part. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Aha, nobody messes with Hermione! ;)
Ooh, I'll go back throw and have a look for that. Thanks so much for the review :D Report Review
Hey, I really enjoyed your story. It was a little short, but maybe that's what made it so good. No grammar errors and everything felt really natural. No negative comments that I can think of. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks very much for reviewing :). Report Review
This story has been pretty good so far. Draco/Ginny isn't really my thing, but I found the story interesting anyway. I enjoyed the walking the relationship between Draco and Scorpius, but was once again reminded that Draco is a gigantic prick.
No negative comments for you. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Oh no!! you can't say that about Draco!! lol, but I guess he is rather isn't he? lol. This story is mostly about the relationship between him & Scorpious so I'm glad you thought I did a good job with these two.
thanks very much for the comments, I appreciate it!! Report Review
Murder!?!?! I think I know who dunnit!
Good story so far, no problems with grammar or anything like that. It wasn't my particular cup of tea, but I what I read so far was pretty good. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: You do?
I don't think you do ;)
No, you don't. I promise you, you really don't ;p
Aha, thanks alot for the review anyways :) Report Review
Good story! I have no negative comments. Good grammar and structure, nice balance and dialouge. Though why Draco seemed stress is beyond me, since everything seemed to be going fairly well for him.
Anyway, good work!Author's Response: I didn't go into too much detail about what happened to Draco but not everything worked out as well as it could have for him. But yeah, I suppose it could be said that his fate was decidely better compared to most of the former Death Eaters.
Thank you for the review!
~Misty Report Review
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