Reading Reviews From Member: Insanity
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Insanity The Last Weasley: Introduction

6th August 2009:
Hello, this is Insanity from the forum. I am here to review. However, before I get started I would like to let you know that my reviews are to the point and not many people get past a 5 or 6, rarely does anyone get a 10.

Beginning: I think that the story began a little rocky. You threw us into a world where we did not have much background. The idea of there being another Weasley is rather cliché. I think that there are many unanswered questions about Tristan, and that by having the story begin in such away will be hard to please the readers. I for one am very confused.

Characters:
Tristan: I like the character; however, I would like even more information on him. My favorite part was when he was at the bookstore it was very interesting to read and I just enjoyed that part.

Description/Detail: Your writing is great, and can really draw the reader into your story; however, I find that having Tristan as a twin to Percy is rather dull. It causes us to already rather hate him for most people do not like Percy due to his betrayal of family value. Your detail could have been a little better, and there is a lot of description needed around the house and about his past.

Spelling and Grammar: There were a few punctuation mistakes that a beta could really clear up. However, other than that there was nothing that distracted me while I was reading.

Overall: I liked it but there is a lot of explanation needed. 7/10

Author's Response: thanks to much for the critique!!! I really appreciate it; it'll really help me with the chapters I'm currently writing. Also 'explanation' wise, I'm getting there, but I don't even know the whole story yet myself so... :P But thanks for the review and I'm flattered to get a 7/10 on your scale.

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Review #2, by Insanity Mudblood: The Muggle Born

6th August 2009:
Hello, this is Insanity from the forum. I am here to review. However, before I get started I would like to let you know that my reviews are to the point and not many people get past a 5 or 6, rarely does anyone get a 10.

Beginning: I thought that the beginning was a little confusing it took a while to actually get to the point. You introduced the characters well; however, you did not give a great description about what they looked like. I would have liked a better description of the room as well.

Characters:
Godric Gryffindor: I think you did a good job with Godric. However, I think that he should have had more control over the situation.

Rowena Ravenclaw: I think that you did a great job with her. She spoke at the right time and knew what she was saying. I think that Rowena did a good job keeping the balance during the situation.

Salazar Slytherin: You did a great job with Salazar and the fight that he had trying to get into to make sure that Hogwarts remained pure.

Micaela: I really felt bad for Micaela she seemed like she was good girl, but she got abused by her parents.

Spelling and Grammar: There were a few misplaced commas, but other than that you did a great job, and you should have a beta check this out. Also you should never have a sentence begin with but.

Overall: I think that Godric should have taught the parents a lesson but other than that it was good. 7/10

Author's Response: Thank you! I love harsh reviews. That is exactly what I needed.
I'm definitely going to have a good long think about your constructive criticism. I like the idea of Godric having more control and possibly giving Micaela's parents a talking too. I also agree that my descriptions could be improved.
Thank you!


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Review #3, by Insanity Lust Only Results in Flames: Lust Only Results in Flames

14th May 2009:
I loved the way you used the quote I gave you. Perfect.

Author's Response: Thank you! When will the winners of the challenge be announced?

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Review #4, by Insanity Saharan Lies: Catacombs

3rd May 2009:
This was brilliant I loved it everything was just perfect :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Emma! I'm glad you liked it. ;)

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Review #5, by Insanity Solace in the Scent of a Rose: A Mudblood By Any Other Name

12th April 2009:
Good Morning,

I am Insanity from the forums here to review. Before I begin my review, I wish to go over what you have agreed to. I am an honest reviewer, and have been analyzing for a long time, and take it very seriously. I will tell you flat out what I do not like, however, I will never be cruel. I may end up giving you a rating as low as a one, most people do not get above a five. If you do not like my honest comments, or my suggestions then I am sorry, and understand that my reviews can be overwhelming. I have only one request and that is that you post in my topic telling me that you have replied once you have. Now with that said I move onto the review.

Beginning Paragraph: The story seemed to just jump right into a conversation. There was no background information as to if this was post or pre the Hogwarts Battle. It seemed rushed, and although you gave us some description, you did not bother to tell us about Lucius appearance. I would consider redoing this for it does not draw the reader in.

Plot Flow: The flow was confusing, you had a part about Voldemort being dead that was needed at the beginning and thus making the story less confusing.

Character Development:

Lucius: At even the beginning, you made his very Oc. He would not have asked about whether Draco was excited for school, he would have found that information irrelevant. Lucius taught Draco to be cold, and to never touch anything that is muggle, he would have thrown a fit had he caught Draco in combat boots, even if he was only going to Hogwarts for the first time.

Draco: I am tempted to ask what you have done with him. Draco is incredibly Oc…Combat boots; Draco finds pleasure in having the best-polished shoes, not about combat boots. They are muggle shoes, and being a Malfoy, he would not be caught dead in them. In addition, guys don’t giggle, girl usually do.

Narcissa: Lucius and Narcissas love was planned, they would not have been so affectionate, and Narcissa would not have talked as much around Lucius.

Description/Detail: I found that there was not a lot of description; we did not get a description of the train something that a first year would take in. There was also a lack of description as far as the characters go.

Spelling/Grammar/Extended Vocabulary: You had no spelling mistakes. Your grammar and vocabulary could use some work.

Other: I did not like the sudden tragedy, and how did Draco know what happened. I think that you need to go back and rework this chapter; you need to explain the big picture and take your time with the characters. If you did that this story could turn out wonderful.

Rating Overall: 4/10

Author's Response: Well - This is an AU and things ARE different. All the OOC is explained in later chapters because the plot gradually unravels itself bc the reason they are OOC is that different choices were made. NONE of my stories reveal all in the first chapter. If I know the murderer in the first chapter, I read no further. I prefer to show not tell. It's called plot.

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