This is cute so far and I like the idea of having her diary entries in there, but I echo another reviewers suggestion about paragraphs and such. It would be a lot easier to read.
Thanks for reviewing my Snape fic, I'm glad you really liked it. Are you planning to update this soon? I hope so!
ALAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! i really appreciate it!
Also I completely agree with the paragraphs,but sadly I don't think I'll be continuing with this story. I now realise it's pretty lame. it took me like 10 minutes to write and was very forced.
But I am working on another FF which I think will be much better! I'll try and contact you when I'm done! Report Review
I realize that my review sounds really harsh. I didn't mean to be! I think if you get rid of the song element and maybe have him wake up sooner, or have more happen after he awakens, or do more with Tonks while she's waiting for him to wake up, it could be a really decent piece.
ALAuthor's Response: I didn't take it personally, and it didn't sound all that bad in the first place. Again, I'm really happy you took SO much time putting in your two cents, definitely know I'm going to go back to it later! Report Review
First of all, as a songfic, I don't like it. I feel you missed the entire meaning of the song, so it really does NOT fit with the piece at all. One dd not leave the other or try to throw the other away. At the end you use this:
"You said you caught me ‘cause you want me and one day you'll let me go.
You try to give away a keepe" but I think you need to re-think what Lisa Loeb was trying to say in those lyrics.
As for the fic itself, it was okay. Kind of dull, cliched, overdone, nothing new. Not poorly written (ecxept that some things, like when you wrote "Snape retorted," but he wasn't really 'retorting' irked me. A retort is an angry reply, or a snippy or quipped reply. You should have written 'Snape said.' or something like that.).
ps: I really like your banner tho!Author's Response: Wow, I have never gotten so much advice, but you know how much I love you for it? lol Thank you so much, these are all things I'll remember next time I write this type of piece -- I don't plan on changing it since I find it too hard, I mean where would I start? A bit overwhelming if you ask me. The banner is amazing because of its picture which I simply was lucky enough to find at google and tweak the colors. Report Review
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