Reading Reviews From Member: LilyFire
477 Reviews Found

Review #26, by LilyFireThe One That I Should Have Married: Regrets

4th March 2012:
You've got a good level of description here. I would suggest fixing the spacing a bit to only one space between paragraphs, saving more spaces for when you're showing time passing or something. Also, I would say if you're going to italicise something, no to underline it as well. If you want to put emphasis on a specific italicized part, then you should un-italicize it instead of underlining it.

Hope this helped! You have a good one-shot. Just try to keep what I've said in mind :)

Author's Response: Excellent! Description has always,always been the worst part of my writing,so Im glad to know i did fairly decent this time! I underlined it because it was a quote for a challenge:P so I tried to make it as easy as possible for her to know what the quote was! Thanks for the review!

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Review #27, by LilyFireHeartbeat: Force

1st March 2012:
I love the feeling and emotion you've put into this, it's really wonderful. I think you did a great job in showing the characters and Snape's views of everyone quite well. I wrote a Snape one-shot once, and I know the effort that goes into writing him well, so well done :)

Author's Response: You have no idea how nice it is to come back from an exhausting, dramatic day of school to two brand new reviews! Thank you so much for reviewing, it really means the world to me, especially on this story, because out of the ones I have right now, it's my favourite :p Once more, thank you!

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Review #28, by LilyFireOut of Time: Behind the Times

1st March 2012:
You gave excuses that were unneeded. This was another brilliant chapter. I love how you had them interact and just everything about it.

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you very much! I'm really happy to hear that you enjoyed how this chapter turned out. ^_^

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Review #29, by LilyFireOut of Time: The Worst Time

29th February 2012:
Again, you have entranced with your words. I dont know how you do it, bring the characters and scenes and everything to life in a womderful way so that they play before my eyes. I've read published authors with a lot less talent and ability than you posess.

And the plot of this story is so good. It still remimds me of The Time Travelers Wife, but I feel that Moody and Lily will never end up like the two from that story, while still thinking that maybe-just maybe-the woman in the portrait is Lily and that is why she doesnt show herself.

Anyway, its an amazing story.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! :O I'm very glad to have written something that's had such an affect upon you. Your compliment is amazing, and I don't know what to say in response except for a big, happy "thank you!" It means an incredible amount that you think I have that much talent. ^_^

After these early chapters, the similarities to TTW die down, not entirely, but this story doesn't jump around in Moody's life - it's more linear than TTW - and of course the ending is different. Still with a touch of the tragic, but not quite so melodramatic as TTW. :P I'm not revealing anymore about the plot than that.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing the story! I hope that you enjoy the rest as well! :D

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Review #30, by LilyFireOut of Time: The Wrong Time

28th February 2012:
Wow. It reminds me a lot of The Time-Travelers Wife, I don't know if you've read it? But I think it's still brilliant and I love it, and I shall read it all! Really though, it's amazing.

Author's Response: I have read it, and certain aspects of it are here in the random nature of her time travel (seemingly random, I mean) and the way that she meets him at different times of his life. It's funny because I didn't even think of that book while writing - I had more of Doctor Who in mind, - but once I found out, I changed a lot for the next few chapters. ;)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts about this story. ^_^

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Review #31, by LilyFireOut of Time: Too Much Time

28th February 2012:
The beginning of this story is amazing. I just want to keep reading and reading and've got a great start. I'm not quite sure what it's about, since I don't like to spoil stories for myself, but it seems like it's going to be wonderful.

I love Lily so much-her voice is very real, and the story is too (well, you know what I mean). If this were a physical book, I wouldn't be able to put it down.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for trying out this story! I'm glad to hear that you've liked the first chapter and want to keep going - there's really no finer compliment to receive for a story. ^_^

I think I know what you mean about the real-ness of the story, and it means a lot that you find the narration and story real in that way. :D Thank you!

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Review #32, by LilyFireAfter We Fall: Chapter One: Prologue

25th February 2012:
Snape? But...he's dead...but...

I think that is an interesting concept. Why did Lily want to know if that was Snape? So many questions are running through my head right now. I don't know whay to say, other than this is a great first chapter to what is probably a great story!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's my first time writing a true mystery and I'm glad the first chapter worked well in setting up lots of "questions." Thanks for the review.

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Review #33, by LilyFireThe Time of Day: The Time of Day

25th February 2012:
So...he's a vampire? And she is too? That is interesting...And this story is really amazing too. I liked it alot. (Wow, that statement across). It was wonderfully written, the words, images, everything flowing together so beautifully...And the concept was amazing. I kept trying to figure out who the little boy was, but I guess he's no one we've met before. I know its just a oneshot, but I would love to see more of it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. They aren't actually vampires, though I like that idea. It's meant to be an afterlife story. The little boy is Snape right after his death, with Lily being there to help him "move on." The fang marks on his neck are meant to be from Nagini. I'm glad you liked it either way.

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Review #34, by LilyFireDeliverance: Prologue

25th February 2012:
Wow. Just wow. And did I mention-wow? This is good-great actually. The description is amazing and this is a very powerful opening chapter. I can see this story going so so far. Its beautiful in a way.

Im not the best at grammar or spelling, but I did notice you left the word if out of here " along the floor behind them as were they carrying a heavy load of garbage".

And I think you meant chorus when you wrote course here, " . There was a course of something, a whisper in her head."

Those are really minor thing though, something you would notice in a read through. Im really excited to see what the next chapter brings!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review! Thank you for your points, I'll make sure to correct them ;) Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #35, by LilyFireLegend: Hello, Goodbye

24th February 2012:
It's certainly interesting, that's for sure. I can't say I've ever read a story like it at all. I think you're characters are every unique too. I have never read a story with Scorp or Al like this :) Like I said, it's interesting, and could go to great places.

Author's Response: Thanks! I actually was surprised to hear that, for me, Al will always have low self esteem. Thank you for taking the time to review!

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Review #36, by LilyFireVital: Chapter 9

24th February 2012:
This is as good as I remembered! I don't know why I stopped reading it before, and I'm really sorry for that. I loved everything about this chapter. I really don't have a complaint at all. I like you Frank and Alice too, they're such full characters. And the way you ended it was great. I can't wait to see what Simion says if/when she asks about Oliver.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you still enjoy the story, even after a break. There's no need to apologize though- I know that I often forget about stories because of real life, or some other distraction.

Wow, that's some serious praise! Thanks -blushes- I really do enjoy writing Frank and Alice, honestly, I like writing most of the principle characters in this story.

The question of Oliver is discussed in later chapters!

Again, I appreciate the review--hopefully, you still want to read more of Vital after this chapter!

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Review #37, by LilyFireSurvival of the Fittest: Survival of the Fittest

23rd February 2012:
I don't even know where to begin. It's amazing. This story is so brilliantly told, the characters grasped so well, the description so perfect-what can I say?

Your word choice is amazing, and the way you thread the words together so smoothly, one simply leading to the other as if it was the most obvious choice, is an envious trait. There are published authors who can't write as well as you.

I think it's brilliant-I don't know why it wouldn't feel right. I love it so much, you've done an awesome job!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's wonderful that you think so highly of this story, its characters and its description. I really tried with the latter to create this atmosphere of opulence and dread - a strange combination, but it helped to have Dobby there exploring the room, as Peter wasn't capable of seeing much. Then the two witches - I really liked writing them! I should do it more often - they're fantastic characters with a lot of complexities that are fascinating to explore. :D

*blushes* That compliment is amazing and I don't know what to say other than a giant thank you in loud, squeeful tones. And I can't thank you enough for enjoying this story as much as you have. ^_^

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Review #38, by LilyFireThe Surprising Life of Hermione Granger (in depth version): The Surprising Life of Hermione Granger (in depth version)

22nd February 2012:
Its certainly different than anything I've read before. I can see it possibly turning into a.great story, which I'm sure you will do! :)

Author's Response: This is an indepth version of the story that I did for my writers duel entry. One or two people who had reviewed it during that time had commented that though it was good, it might have been better to expand it and do more chapters which I've done.
Thanks for the read and review.

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Review #39, by LilyFireRemembering You: The Fall

21st February 2012:
It's a very emotional piece, and I like the way you show how Lucius really feels about his family. I think you may use the names a little bit to much in dialogue. I know I don't usually say a persons name when I'm talking to them every sentence or two. Maybe try adding the names after the dialogue, like "he said to Draco" and what-not.

And these lines switched to first person, "Mummy!Ē Draco ran into our bedroom,and pounced on the bed. I wrapped my arm around Narcissaís small waist,and she didnít move from the bed."

I thought maybe you'd like to fix those. I know that's easy to do, especially if you're use to writing in first person.

Again, this story is good and emotional, and I think the flashbacks are very effective.

Author's Response: Awesome(: thanks! Hm--I'll be editing that! Sorry,I don't really think about it!

I know,I know *Sigh* it's been pointed out,and I haven't gotten to fixing it. You see,I'm sure you've heard me say I've been writing an OC for six years, and it's been in first person.Always. Anything I've written--besides this--has been 1st person. So this,is kicking me directly in the ba-donkey-donk!

Thank you for the awesome review!



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Review #40, by LilyFireFlutterby Daffodil: Flutterby Daffodil

21st February 2012:
The ending was surprising. While I figured she had gotten out of the fire, I didn't expect her to be in the office so much as someone had found out about her or something. You've written a good story.

I did notice that you sometimes repeat things in a single sentance, like here: As he neared his desk, he saw that there was something on his desk" when instead of the second 'desk' it would have been more effect to say it. But other than that, I think you've done a good job :)

Author's Response: Thank you for this great review :)


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Review #41, by LilyFireKingdom Come: Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
I loved it. The entire thing. The flashbacks are great, I think. Like I said, the very first one and the one following confused me a bit, but once I figured out they were all connected and such, it wasn't a bit deal.

The others were great too. I like how you showed different parts of Teddy's life, just different things about him, and Victoire, Fred, and the others :) The one's with him in front of his mom and dad's grave were really good (and if that was before Fred died, maybe a little foreshadowing of what happened?)

I love how you did this story though, with the 'main' story being in the flashbacks, but I wouldn't mess with a single word. It's a brilliantly written piece and...You've done and amazing job.


Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, I really am. I'm glad the confusion didn't last, I think it's to be expected at first.

(I know I already explained this, but there was one flashback before Fred died, probably a few years before that, and then one after. The sections in present tense are chronological, so it runs on from after the funeral.)

Thank you so much :)

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Review #42, by LilyFireLetters to L.C. : Gryffindor's Insane Girl

18th February 2012:
I think your flow is pretty good, as far as your concern there goes :) I think this has the potential to turn into a hilarious story :) And your main character is interesting, to say the least :P

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! i really appreciate it. I was really worried about my first chapter, being as how I didn't introduce Lenny all that well in it. again, thank you!

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Review #43, by LilyFire"Against My Father's Wishes": Prologue

18th February 2012:
It's a good start chapter to get the readers attention, and a great lead in to whatever it is you were wanting to do with the story. It would be great to see some of why Draco is making him chose and all, though :) But you've done well, especially with expressing the tension, and your characters are hard to say, with such a small glimpse :)

Author's Response: Thanks Lily! :)

I'm really pleased that you think this is a good start, because it's something I'm hoping to follow up soon. :)
Hopefully you'll see more from the characters when the next chapter gets written. :)

Thanks again!

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Review #44, by LilyFireAct of Vengeance: Death.

15th February 2012:
Wow, this is a very powerful opening chapter. It's short, but the length fits what you have done so well. I love how you've set it up. The flow and description in this chapter are wonderful! I love how you've made a post-dementor Azkaban. I can see the dememtors effect lingering, long after they are gone. You have a great start to what is sure to be a great story!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

I'm really pleased you liked it, and that the length wasn't an issue.
The Dementors leaving a mark are something that just seemed to work, so I ended up using that. :)

Thanks again! :D

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Review #45, by LilyFireWhat really happened in the broom closet Neville?: Thank you Slughorn!

15th February 2012:
I think it's a cute story :) It has such amazing potential to even become longer, I think, if you wanted it too. You could do another part where Harry and the lot is bugging Neville and/or Luna about what happened :)

I do, however, have a few things I think should be pointed out. Your spacing is off, especially at the end where there is a huge gap of blank space. Maybe putting less returns when you're submitting the chapter could take care of that :)

Also, you capatalize summer. If it was the name of a person, it would be fine, but since you are refering to a season, it doesn't need to be capailzed.

The next thing I thought I should point out-- Why are Harry, Neville, Ginny, and Luna in Slughorns class? Ginny and Luna are both a year below Neville and Harry, which means they would never have classes with them, and Slughorn's potions class was only for those who made an E or above on the O.W.L.'s, which Neville wasn't in.

But like I said, it's a cute story, and I think if you fixed these few things, it could be even better!

Author's Response: Thanks for the idea lol it's wired you should mention about making it longer, I actually thought that a few days after I put it up!

I'm definitely going to sort out the spaces when I edit it. And I'm thinking about getting a beta so hopefully all that stuff should be sorted out.

Thanks for pointing it out about the classes! I hadn't even thought about that to be honest. I'll try and work something in.

Thanks so much for the lovely review

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Review #46, by LilyFireThe Asylum: The Asylum

13th February 2012:
So, I started out with Bellatrix in mind, and then switched to Luna, was none of those! I think it's a brilliantly written piece. The emotion is wonderful, the pacing and emotion and feeling (or lack there of) was great. The description was near perfection. You needn't worry about the flow either, it was wonderful. I saw her in Azkaban, trapped their for whatever reason-and then she wasn't. She really was in an asylum. It was brilliant. I don't know what else to say, other than you've done an amazing job!

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Review #47, by LilyFireAzkaban: My Darkness.

8th February 2012:
This story...I mean...I don't...brillant. I love your characters, and your story, and this chapter, and just everything. Its great. There are a couple typos, but they take nothing from the story. Its wonderful.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Ahha, I love this story and writing this story and it makes me /so/ happy to know that someone else is enjoying it too! I'll comb back over and try to find a few more of those typos. Thank you :D


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Review #48, by LilyFireFix you: Prologue

8th February 2012:
Its interestimg to say the least. Your characters are very random. It was an interesting thing you did with the nicknames, but why are all of marys friends claws?

Author's Response: Hi Lilyfire!

It's a pleasant surprise to get a review from you. Thanks! I am glad you liked my character's names.

About Mary? She is more into arts and therefore ended up being friends who love arts as well. Her artsy friends are incidentally from Ravenclaw.

Thank you for the reading and reviewing my story, Lily! It really means a lot. :)

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Review #49, by LilyFireLetting Go: An Old Face

7th February 2012:
Wait, so is Teddy 10 now? She's been living with her mom for 10 years? *slightly confused* Other than that, I love this story. It's brilliant, and I *almost* wish I had thought of it :) I can't wait for chapter 3.

Author's Response: Teddy is nine; it's been, like, ten years since she started seeing Remus, I was counting before Ted was born, too. Tonks stayed at home to be with her mum; Andi would still have family and would't be alone after Ted died, she'd be there to look after Teddy while Tonks was at work. It was a sad, emotional time and neither wanted to leave, but their Black pride wouldn't let them say it... :P

If you have any questons, feel free to ask. :)

Thanks for the review. :)


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Review #50, by LilyFireChild of the Moon: Chapter II: The Act

5th February 2012:
Sorry it's taken so long to leave a review! But I really like this chapter. I feel like with this, everything is set up and ready to go, and the last line was very powerful. That is the way to end a chapter!

I have no complaints with this chapter. I love your characters, and Ris is brillantly defined. I feel like you really have a good solid character with her. And this story is still fantastic. I'm excited that we're getting into the.plot now. You are doing an great job.


Author's Response: Sorry it's taken so long to reply to your review! Honestly, as long as you read I don't care how long the review takes to get there :P Especially when they're so nice! I guess all I can really reply with to that is a big hearty 'thank you!' I'm currently struggling to make the next chapter as good as that one, wish me luck ;)

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