Reading Reviews From Member: ohcrapidroppedmybrain
  
322 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainDream a Little Dream of Me: I - Birth

14th July 2010:
hi there! I saw this story ages ago, and regret that I didn't read it. But I like it a lot so far.

OMG, I love your spin on things. There are so many of these mushy Teddy-meets-Victoire-when-they-were-babies scenes. I really liked how Harry was in character the whole time and Fleur insisted that Teddy come and see her. It was cute :)

The only thing I really didn't find realistic was how Fleur called Harry. Wizards don't have telephones, although a lot of authors do it on here...

Author's Response: Yay, new reviewer 8D Thank you so much for the compliments; I really appreciate it (: The thing about the telephone is, I figured after the war, the wizarding and Muggle world were more in tune with each other and I thought maybe the wizards would probably try using Muggle stuff; like how Ron got a drivers license :D But thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it (:

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Review #2, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainI Like What You Say: I Like What You Say

6th July 2010:
Hello there! I apoligize for being sooo late with the review. But I just read it and am very pleased with it. Onward! Mush! Mush!

It started off a bit vulgar, with all the cussing and stuff. I was like, OMG WHAT'S HAPPENING? until I realized you intended to make her that way. Which is cool, because there are people like that out in the world. Actually, you made Angela very realistic. I theorize that her female-dog attitude is actually the result of low self-esteem. And she doesn't know how to relate to people well.

I really like how you had everything set up. It was adorable that even though Remus thought that Angela was a nutter, he still helped her with her books. But just a tip- contacts didn't exist in the seventies and the glasses were gigantor and ugly. I know a lot of people who get mad when an author's facts aren't right...it might scare off reviewers.

Favourite lines:

the pitchfork up arse. Ouch.

"...That ghost needs to get a life..."

The Sirius-is-an-ugly-fish-when-his-mouth-is-open comment :)

I didn't really notice any grammar that distracted me while I was reading. The story kept me captivated. It's really relateable for me as a person, when you start liking someone who is completely crazy and then you just want to spend more time with said person.

This is awesome; I'm adding it to my favourites!

-Constants-

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Review #3, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainA Muggle's Wand: Hermione and Draco's First Date

6th July 2010:
Okay. Eighth chapter? Loved it. This is possibly one of my favourites, which is kind of surprising considering the title is "Hermione and Draco's First Date".

Well, first off, the situation you placed Draco in was perfect and believable. He is stuck with out any job openings for like, ever? Ouch, that sucks. I found it odd that he would still be living with his parents (unless I read something wrong). Is this because they have all the money?

I'm not a big Dramione fan, but I adored this piece. I've already checked and it didn't say anything about Draco/Hermione, so I assume nothing will happen between the two, but if it was a Dramione, you have set it up perfectly. I've never read a chapter where Draco is hot, nice to Hermione, and completely canon.

The only thing that threw me off was at the beginning when Hermione referred to him as Draco. It didn't feel very Hermione to me, but she was probably only trying to make amends. My favourite part was when Draco called her Hermione. My heart M.E.L.T.E.D

Favourite line: "...My name’s disgraced—thanks to the Dark Lord, and because of my involvement, or lack thereof, my father has all but disowned me. This leaves me with absolutely nothing, except Scotch.”

Draco, you silly beast, there is more to life than Scotch!

Thanks for requesting!

-Constants-

Author's Response: Hehe, Hi Constants! Good to see you again! Yes I loved writing Draco in this Nacissistic Hemmingway sort of way. I love it that he is in pain, internally for the choices he made so long ago. It helps for setup, to show a starting point if I felt like giving him any sort of vindication. Plus if he grows up some, it will show as well.

Its really good to hear from you again, I hope all is well!

AK1


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Review #4, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainA Muggle's Wand: Harry's Fury

5th July 2010:
Hello again!

Well, this is a marvelous story. I just scoped through this chapter and am falling in deep love with all of the characters, even the ones who are less than envious. You are moving the plot along at a great speed; the pace isn't too fast but it is amazing this is only chapter seven. I haven't much negative feedback here, besides grammar and such, which I will do now.

Ron woke up from another restless nights sleep in his room at number twelve, Grimould Place in London

Ron woke up from another restless night's sleep in his room at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place in London

Patronis= Patronus

Hogs Meade= Hogsmeade

Quittich= Quidditch

I also noticed a few abnormalities, like when you mentioned Ron gave Kreacher a compliment. The first time he gave Kreacher a compliment, it needed to be explained, but the second time it didn't, as the reader already knew and could infer Ron's intentions. You gave Hagrid normal speech. I understand it is incredibly hard to make Hagrid speak in his canon accent, but readers will go away if you don't atleast try...and when Hermione was telling Dumbledore that Molly was more perfect than her, you made her sound so formal. Hermione is formal to an extent, but I don't think she would say something like, "I will never be as perfect as she".

Now, back to the characterizations. At the beginning, Kreacher's characterization was outstanding. You wrote him like JK did it herself; you noticed his common mannerisms and you worked with it. Great job! When you switched POVs from the trio to Serahn and Bellatrix, I absolutely adored what you did with them.

I feel like this is a guilty pleasure of mine- watching Serahn bow down to Bellatrix like a dog. That sounds bad, doesn't it? I dunno...I think it is how you portray them. Bellatrix is so close to character. I can't make any negative comment about it. And Serahn is so pathetic(?) when it comes to her and so unexperienced. Obviously, he is a major threat to the story, but I have a soft spot for him and I hope he opens his eyes soon. I thought it was interesting that you said that Bellatrix' eyes were "lust-filled". Do you plan on them having some sort of relationship? One that isn't so controlling? I also can't get enough of Bellatrix' nickname for Serahn. Doggie. It is so offensive but endearing. But I am sounding like a narcissist.


-Constants-

Author's Response: Um, there was a scene, originally involving...well...some romantic stuff between Serahn and Bellatrix. Let's face it, he's in love and she's um, not. So it was a role reversal from males to females with the man being the whipped one. The issue with the scene was that 1. It was really dark. 2. It was really sick. and 3. It involved a wand. It pushed the ToS with controlling and slave stuff so I opted to just drop it altogether.

I will take a look at the edits you reccomended, thanks again for stopping by.

AK1


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Review #5, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainEverybody Says Don't: Failing

2nd June 2010:
Hello! This is a really good story so far. I'm never one for Dramiones, but you have me interested. Good job!

What I really like about your story is how you gradually show Draco's character...and stick with it. It's not entirely canon, of course (but what would Dramione be if it was?), but you made Draco and Hermione click and I can't wait until they get together!

One improvement I suggest was to lighten up on Slughorn. Sure, he doesn't like Draco, but he's not mean about it. He's more like, "M'Boy, why are you failing!" Instead of "Haha, Draco. I failed you..." Anyways, so yeah. If you need help, skim through HBP; that always helps.

Is this set in HBP? I wasn't sure.

One character you certainly made canon was Pansy. I- I despised her. She was so clingy...so ugly...so Pansy. Bravo, ma dear!

Another area to work on is spacing; it made it hard to read. But besides that, this was an excellent read! Keep up the great work!

P.S: Draco walking out with thick, yellow paste on his face= funny :)

Author's Response: Awwh. Thank-you so much. :)
it's set in their seventh year, not HBP and I agreee with your views on Pansy. I don't like her either, haha.

I keep getting told off by the moderator people for my spacing, too, so i'm sorry! I tried my best to space it out better. I actually find it easier to read stories if they haven't got many spaces in them. Yeah, it's weird. ;D

And the yellow paste thing was my friends idea; she thought it up during a biology lesson when she learned something. Haha. I thought I'd just put it in because it made me laugh hearing about it, and then of course I pictured Draco with it on. :)

Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I'll update soon. :D


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Review #6, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainRose Weasley and the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans: Prologue: A Mysterious Letter

1st June 2010:
Hello there! I'm sorry for the delay- school is just calming down- and I find myself with a lot of reviews to complete! But this story is really interesting, and I love what you have done with it!

Of course, this chapter isn't so long...it actually reminds me of the short scene at the beginning of a movie. Nothing really happened in it, but we get a brief glimpse of what it will be like in later chapters. Even with the shortness, it is a miracle what you have done with the characters!

Rose. Rose Rose Rose. I'm so used to the crabby, Delicate-esque Rose that I was pleasantly surprised with yours. One can easily connect with her, especially the fact that she gets annoyed at her little brother. She's a breath of fresh air, and I wander how you will make her character grow throughout the story.

I also liked Scorpius as well. He wasn't the reincarnation of Draco and had an ease to him. He's honestly so sexy I conjured a hot steamy love scene with him in it (but I'm not being creepy in the least :p). It's really weird because I'm more pro Teddy/Victoire than Rose/Scorpius. ScoRose never interested me this much...until now...

I know what you are thinking. Constants! This was only 500-something words, how could you be so sure? I am sure because I read it and realised how much potential it has. And I love it :)

Even so, I noticed a couple of mistakes which technically aren't mistakes. Things like "you were leaning on too much dialogue". I couldn't picture the scene well because you didn't provide enough information. When Hermione talked, it was like she came out of nowhere...Ron suddenly was reading a Quidditch magazine...

Despite this, I'm seriously contemplating adding this as a favourite. The chemistry between Rose and Scorpius is to cute! I'm in love with this!

-Constants.

P.S: Rose wasn't lying when she said she recieved something from school? I thought she was covering for Scorpius, but I guess that you meant it to be that way :)

Author's Response: wow, thank you so much! I'm very glad you liked how this introduced everyone. I do tend to lean towards the less descriptive side of things because personally I don't really like reading description... but regardless I shall take another look at this chapter and perhaps add a few lines of description here or there. I'm so excited about how much you like my Rose and Scorpius! As for the letter she recieved, that was from school, she just lied about its contents because she didn't want Hugo to tell the Gryffindor team that she's Ravenclaw's captain. Anyways so glad you liked it; thanks so much for reviewing!
~mads


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Review #7, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainDream for me: Pepper Pie

11th April 2010:
OMG! This was suuccch a great chapter! I couldn't stop laughing through it! It was very genius; it's as though every chapter gets better and better!

Okay. So not a lot happened. But still. I loved it. Everything, from Rose's ginormous cravings, to the little house-elf named "Lenny", to Scorpius was right on track :) Here were my favourite parts:

My spells are usually accurate and work well, nevertheless there is a certain clumsiness to me that sometimes causes…unexpected things to happen. Or cauldrons to blow up.

Haha, typical Rose :) You've got to love her crabbiness when she's pregnant, especially because her clumsiness is probably quadruplified :)

But then his hand goes past my paralyzed face and he immerses his thumb and forefinger in my bushy hair. Turns out he just did that to take a piece of pie out of my hair. Once he has retrieved the piece of pie he puts it into his mouth and eats it. “Tastes of rose” he says and gets up to leave.

*giggles* I laughed at this for five minutes straight. I never pinned Scorpius as a creeper, but he is. Majorly.

What can I say? The only critique I have is the way "Lenny" spoke. House elves have a weird habit of talking in third person (like Moaning Myrtle). So it would be like, "Can Lenny do anything for Miss?" instead of "Can I do anything for Miss". But I think you get my point.

I hope everything gets better for poor Rose :( I can't wait until she tells Scorpius that she is pregnant- maybe then he won't pick food out of her hair and eat it :D

Author's Response: Aw Constants, I have a big happy smile on my face now. Thanks a lot :)

Rose can get very clumsy, especially when she's under stress (and the hormones probably don't help her get better) and Scorpius, well, he's human and so he does creepy things every now and then :D

You're totally right about the elf language, I didn't think about it, but now that you've pointed it out I feel like smacking myself on the forehead... Anyway, I'm still so happy about this review that smacking anybody seems out of the question :)

Unfortunately Rose is meeting a major bump on her road to better things next chapter that will also attract people who don't have her best interest at heart, but hey, Rose won't be going down forever, she'll have her happy times nonetheless. Zerus (aka the toilet stalker) will come to her rescue!

Scorpius definetly wouldn't be picking food out of her hair if he knew, he would rather be running around the table screaming (at least mentally)!

Thanks so much once again, your advice has helped me a lot to make this story better!!!


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Review #8, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainQuidditch, Moon and Quaffle: Going home

9th April 2010:
Hello dear! I was sooo estatic when you posted on my thread; I dunno whether you remember me reviewing your other story, but anyways...

I like what you have here. You stayed within your tense and didn't change POVs (which isn't hard, but still. You aren't a dunderhead :p) You make everything agree and it's easy on the eyes to read. Good job!

Lily gets to hang out with the Scamander twins over the summer? Ooh! Nice! It's on the verge of cliche, but not too much. I would be worried if the pairing was Lily/James, but no one ever does Lily II/ Scamander twin. It's foreseeable, but not boring, I should say :)

Lily cracks me up. She's like Oliver Wood on Felix Felicis when it comes to Quidditch, almost to the point when I'm worried about her mental health. She doesn't seem to civil to Scorpius, now does she? It only makes sense. The main area of concern I have here is that you won't build up her character and she will forevermore be known as the Quidditch addict. I hope that there is more complexity under these petty layers (although they do crack me up!)

No one ever likes Percy :) I was reading Delicate the other day when everyone was hating Percy. I love how you live up to the tradition. I can just imagine Percy walking in the Potter residence, examining the furniture for dust particles. And then throwing food at Albus and demanding he picks it up. Eh, but I'm off topic.

I did notice a few grammah errahs here and there, for example:

Beeing = being

“I’m sorry that your parents couldn’t make it home in time”, =
"I'm sorry that your parents couldn't make it home in time,"

And it also felt like you were telling me more than showing me. Make sure you use that pretty imagery, dear :)

The Scamanders are portrayed wonderfully as well. I can practically hear Luna in them (I probably should have put this in earlier :p). I wonder what will happen. Will Lily warm up to them? Will she come to terms with her addiction? How will the family react to this?

Tell me when you have another chapter up!

Author's Response: Hey Constants,

I'm glad to have you back. Of course I remember your reviews for Dream for me, they were the most detailed ones ever and helped me improve the story a lot!

I'm really sorry I still don't know these comma rules when it comes to speech. That's the only thing I never learned about English and I keep using my native languages rules, but you told me about this before and "I will keep track of it from now on," I say ;)

Percy is just predestined for his role, he always clung to norms and rules in his school years and I don't think he would ever have changed that! I imagine he told Lily how to wrap presents up correctly and to behave civilized when unwrapping them :D

The Scamander twins have a lot in store for their Christmas break with the Potters! Lily will have to come to terms with her Quidditch addiction, because she will see that there are worse problems than not getting a new broom.

I'll try to get more showing into the next chapter and I will PM you when it is up. I'm happy you see the story so positively :)

Thanks a lot for taking the time and reviewing!


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Review #9, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainFor Your Eyes Only: March 18, 2000: Croydon

7th April 2010:
Woot! We are getting somewhere! I can't tell you which chapter I liked more, the last one or this. They are both so mysterious but you allow us insight on the main characters' mission. It's a gift not a lot of people have, and whenever I read a story in which someone does, it instantly lifts my spirits. Anyways, on to this chapter!

So they were finally at the Order, and they both are American? I remember you mentioning something about D's fake British accent in the last chapter, but I thought you were going along the lines of proper British. I know that's silly. When they came into Headquarters and saw the portrait, I did an air punch. It's still AU, but you add a lot of the HP universe in it. And Fred and George crack me up :)

K can't remember where she had seen the Order's faces. She did lose her memory, so that's acceptable. But she can't remember who she is either? Really intriguing; you're really going on the right path!

More D and K action! I'm officially supporting this ship now. I'm just a little upset I can't give them a snappy little ship name. Curse the one-letter names. Anyways (I was getting off topic) he brought home a dog and then carried her to bed? Sure, that's partnership. I can see right through them like a sheet; I just hope that they end up together *takes out flamboyant fan t-shirt*.

10/10!

P.S: D is a muggle-born? Suspicious, how you snuck that fact in the dialogue. I have a feeling this is important in later chapters, but correct me if I'm wrong :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter! I was nervous that the balance of the mysterious and the explained might not work out.

It's great that you picked up on it. I work really hard to stick in those canon details. I go on fact-finding missions over the tiniest details.

Haha. Yes, no snappy ship names for you. Sorry about that one. I didn't think of it at the time.

Thank you for the review. It is very much appreciated.


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Review #10, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainFor Your Eyes Only: March 17, 2000: London

6th April 2010:
Hello dear! I read this last night and loved it, and am here to fulfill my promise of giving you a great review. Enjoy!

First off, this is an anarchy type of fic, no? The Ministry is imposing unjust laws and such, causing certain groups to react (Order of Phoenix?) I take it that K and D are part of a different group than the Order? I'll eventually figure it out.

I like what you did with the names. It is incredibly clever of you, as it helps your plot out A LOT and makes the reader wonder what their real names are. The curiosity is eating me up! I forsee more explanation in the future, so I won't harass you about it :)

I like K. She seems very dynamic and human, even though she's some sort of super-human spy. You blend in her character well with the plot and leave it up to the readers to infer things. I imagine her to be a tomboy and lively, although she won't think twice about kicking someone's butt if she needs to. You did an amazing job with her, dear :)

Oooh, D! He's sexy, with all his muscular goodness. I see a lot of chemistry between him and K, even though they are only pretending to be in a relationship. I hope that they end up together. Plus, he's very nice and sort of a joker, which evens out K.

Tonks! OMG! I love you for putting her in here, because I was so heartbroken when she died in DH. It was so abrupt, and anyways...it brightened up my day. You made her Tonks-ish but a little darker, perhaps reflecting the dark events that have passed.

Your narrative was totally good. You made no mistake in POV or tense change. I have so many questions already. Why is it so dark? Who is K and D, really? What will they do at headquarters? Perhaps more answers in the next chapter?

Author's Response: Goodness! I'm so sorry I didn't respond to this sooner! I have no excuse, really.

Sort of an anarchy-type fic. But only because this is a circumstance in which seventh book never happened. It seemed too easy to me, so this is the story of the war that I think might have happened instead.

I'm glad you liked the naming convention and yes, you will one day get to know more. Just not quite yet. I'm also glad you like K and D and even more so that you like them together. I tried to make it so that it wasn't a huge stretch to see them as a pair.

I love Tonks too. Which is probably a large part of why she's still alive here. That, and the climactic battle of book seven never happened.

As to your questions, I shall take the route of an evil mastermind and simply say, "Mwhahaha!" Anyway, thank you for the review! I appreciate your time.


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Review #11, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainUndoing: Walking

4th April 2010:
OMG THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST STORY I HAVE EVER READ!

Just kidding. Are you serious? You want me to be nice on you? I won't be nice to you; I'll tell you the truth!

This is brilliant.

Like, for the first time in history, I read a Dumbledore that I actually like. You have no idea what a relief it is for me to say this. I never thought I'd see the day...

To start off, you began with showing Albus Dumbledore's love for muggle candy, a Philosopher's Stone concept that many people have seemed to forget. You began it off humourous and cheery (I laughed at his plea to have a lemon drop). After the beginning, I could not stop smiling to myself. This story is absolutely adorable (in a good way).

Urgh. Here's why. I get so tired of people portraying Dumbledore as someone who's angsty and cuts his wrists. That's not who Dumbledore is at all. It's all lies! You make the point very clear while still giving him that uneasiness. There's a thick guilt behind his bright attitude. Great job!

But of course, at the end, you had to leave a cliffie :(. Oh dear. What will Dumbledore say to Lily Potter (she's a Potter now! Gasp!)? I hope it isn't bad news, but alas, deep down I know it is. I guess I'll have to find out.

For your first story, this is pretty darn good. I'll give you an A+ The grammar wasn't too bad, just a typo here and there.

*offers warm cookie*

Author's Response: hehe I too like my portrayal of Dumbly simply because he isn't this manically sad depressing character, and he makes me smile!!

I don't think this is my best piece of work, but I am glad that you enjoyed it!!

Thanks so much for the loverly review!!!


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Review #12, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainA Muggle's Wand: Devastation

3rd April 2010:
Hola! It's Constants here with your second review (and I apologize for being three months tardy). Anyways, you continue to amaze me.

Well, the last chapter I read was about Sarahn being evil and absolutely terrible, so you did good and didn't overwhelm the reader when you wrote this chapter. Even though it was awkward, it had a lighter mood to it, and that is the way to go.

I felt like I knew Hermione on a new level to be honest. The chemistry between her and Ron left me breathless and I couldn't keep my eyes away from it. My favourite part of this whole chapter was their uncomfortable conversation. When she said, "You're hurt," (or something along those lines), my heart started beating faster. My blood boiled in a good way. It was just so romantic.

Of course, the end to their conversation put in a bad mood for the rest of the chapter.

Ginny is so well done. You have perhaps written her the most believable out of all the other authors on here. She has that tuffness we read about in the books, but enough softness to show she has womanly compassion. I died when she told Hermione that she wouldn't tell her what she thought of her and Ron together.

Molly was depressing, although it did crack me up when Hermione was blatant about not having children any time soon. I am glad that Hermione talked to her though, and I can't wait to see what happens between her and Ron in chapters to come.

Request any time, okay?

Author's Response: Hi Constants-

I am so glad you liked this chapter, it was so hard to write. I really reached for heart breaking and I am glad you enjoyed it.

AK1


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Review #13, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainA Muggle's Wand: The Epiphany

25th January 2010:
OMG! -glomps- I really hope that this is the chapter I left off on; I remember reading something on chapter four (possibly)

This story is really good...like beyond good. It is amazing that you can strike up a plot like this, and actually...you know...do it justice? I think I'm going to add this to my favourites, because you just know how to write. I was reading this through and hardly saw any grammar errors, although I'll come back to that later.

Serahn! I don't know whether to love or hate the bloke. It wasn't his fault that he was cut off from the magical world, and it wasn't his fault that Bellatrix was his tutor, but putting the Imperius curse on Hornbuckle?

I mean, most of this chapter was information I already knew, but it was cool to read it from a person who has no experience with magic at all, if you catch my drift. It is very entertaining.

So, he's planning on seeing Dumbledore? I can't wait to see what all of that is about. The most amazing thing ever in this chapter, though, is the fact that he isn't scared of him. He's more like 'let me learn his skills so he doesn't own me in a fight'. It's fantastic! It's amazing! It's inspiring!

So yes, Sarahn makes a fantastic villain. I can't wait to see what happens next, and if he will go towards the good side.

I think that the only grammar error I am going to point out is the last sentence, and that is because I'm looking at it. It reads:

"Serahn headed into the house. A smile on his face as if it were Christmas."

Should be:

"Serahn headed into the house, a smile on his face as if it were Christmas."

The grammar didn't bother me much 0.o. That's a good sign!

Off to next chapter!

Author's Response: HEY HEY HEY, how have you been ?

Thanks for stopping by, I know you have read alot of this, I really appreciate you taking the time to review again!


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Review #14, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainHealing: The Wages of War

25th January 2010:
I'm back! You just can't get rid of me right? I really liked this chapter; I think I've said it before, but I can't stand post-war stories. They are just so...lax conflict...that it doesn't make sense to write the story in the first place.

Yet, there is always a hope: you gave this story conflict, and a certain angst...but also humour. That's a really good mixture, and not everyone can pull it off, but you did. Great job!

Anyways, on to the story. We finally see more of Fred! So after attending Colin Creevy's funeral, he stops by to see how Fred is doing? And the receptionist didn't even know she was in the presence of The Harry Potter?

So he walks up the stairs, says hullo to Madam Pomfrey (he just so happened to tell him that she had to rebuilt all his guts and crap :O) and walked in to see Fred, George, and Charlie (unless I am missing anyone). Fred isn't looking too good- he's in a comma of some sort; and George is asleep. Even though the curse didn't kill him, Fred has a swollen brain and some other stuff. If I wasn't so heartbroken, I would be grossed out. The truth of the matter though, is that this stuff really does happen (except for the obvious 'Avada Kedavra'), and it pains me to see this happen to Fred (even though it would be worse if he was dead).

Afterwards, Harry offers to help (totally Harry-ish btw, very good!) and Charlie eventually agrees. Then he tells him to go away and talk to all three Weasley woman, without having a second thought about it?

OMG, you know how to write a good plot =]

I actually enjoyed this chapter; I think you had a firmer grasp on Harry's character, because as I was reading it, I felt like I was in the actual book, and that is awesome. Of course, it is good to keep your own creativity in there as well, which you did.

I don't really have any CC, because this is a well-written story with a great plot and great characterisations. Maybe...eh... whenever George was scared that Fred would die when he was asleep, you could've showed more than told? When you wrote it, it felt like a bible verse (not hatin' on it). Maybe you could've been like, "In George's deepest fears, he woke up to a Fred who was cold and blue and..."

Eh. Don't listen to me.

Great story! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Ugh! I had a nice, long response typed up, which I thought I posted, but apparently I didn't. So, this is take two...

Welcome back! And why would I WANT to get rid of you, I love your reviews!

I'm glad you like my story, even though it is post-war. I'm not sure how much conflict there will be in it, since they are trying to recover from a war, not start a new one, but... There will be some suspence and tense moments, I can promise you that, so hopefully that adds enough of a contrast to the funny and fluffy moments to even stuff out.

Yeah, I kinda gave Harry a case of out of the frying pan, into the fire in this fic, didn't I? Funeral first, then off to see a gravely injured friend. Poor kid.

As for Fred, sorry to almost gross you out. I managed to save Fred, being very creative, but I knew there was no way I was getting him out of it uninjured. That would have been pushing it way too far. So yes, he has a lot of healing to do before he's better. He's not in a coma, he just can't talk right now because of the spells being used to help him breathe. As for the swelling in his brain...you'll just have to come back and see.

Sending Harry to the Weasley women? Well, in all fairness, he really does need some mothering right about now. And they probably won't scold him TOO badly. *evil grin*

Thanks for the compliments about the plot! Actually, thanks for all the compliments in general! It gives me warm fuzzies to know people are reading and enjoying.

Hopefully you'll come back for more as this story unfolds. The next chapter will let us have a peak at Ron and Hermione, among other things.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #15, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainOver You: Over You

24th January 2010:
hi there!

I just want to say that I really enjoyed reading this. It was very sad and angsty, and I really relished on it, because not everyone can right a sad story like this and succeed.

I think we've all had a moment in our lives when we felt rejection such as this. Even though you make it poetic, the truth is that this sort of situation isn't beautiful; it's raw in the most deep sense, and no words can truly convey how the person feels. But that is what makes this story amazing. Your sheer use of irony amazes me.

Teddy is in love with another girl, yet Victoire is still in love with him. I never expected this twist, so I felt sorry for her. You wrote her very well, and I expect some more Teddy/Victoire in the future!

On a side note, I've noticed that your dialog was sort of...off? I guess?

For instance:

After you made a person speak, you put down a period, like this:

"Victoire." he said.

Doing that makes it a fragment. Victoire isn't a sentence, and neither is 'he said'. If you just put a comma there, everything will run smooth.

I really enjoyed this story and am definitely adding it to my favorites. Very good job!

Author's Response: 'Ello!

This review makes me smile. :) I'm so glad that you enjoyed this, and that you believed I succeed. That truly makes me feel happy.

I like being ironic. I feel like even though it has happened to everyone at some point, sometimes you just need to show people that you understand how they feel. No matter how much it hurts you to do so.

Thank you, I am very glad that you feel I wrote Victoire well. I have a story in mind for her, and I believe I am falling in love with the idea. But I have to finish off one of my other stories before I start it. But I did write another song fic, about Teddy/Victoire. I'm not sure it is as good as this one, because I truly love this one-shot. Hehe.

I will be writing more Teddy/Victoire in the future.

Thank you, I will fix that right away.

Thank you for the amazing review.
Maria


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Review #16, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainWinging It: We're Back

24th January 2010:
I'm back again, and you have the grand honour of being the person I give my 400th review to *dances in background*. Anyways, let's start on le review, shall we?

Okay! Once again, you passed the tense and POV test! Hurrah! And I really enjoyed the humour of this, but more on that later!

I can't believe how undeniably cool Alexandra is!

Okay, since when can she call Peter 'hot' and not expect to get some looks? I was laughing really hard at that! I was also laughing harder when he was like, "Mmm...yeah. I was at Remus'. Only my dirty mind could imagine something like that, but there you have it.

Peter had a rat! How predictable (but in a good way). What I mean is, he is a rat so it is kind of ironic, but I never expected Alex to throw it down and watch it crawl everywhere!

And Lily's afraid of rats? No way, no way!

I really don't know what more critique to give you. You have a bloody amazing story, and I've never laughed that much in my life. I urge you to keep up the good work and I'm definitely adding this to my favourites, just because I love the awesome-ness!

Author's Response: Ha. Yay, 400th review! :D

Thank you so much. (: It means so much that you like it.

Thanks for the lovely, amazing, spifferific reviews. I'll request for the last two, if you don't mind. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #17, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainHealing: A Little Wounded

24th January 2010:
Hi again! I must say that I really like your story! This is a huge surprise because, about a year ago, I was completely burned out on post-war stories (excluding Next Gen). I think it is because your story is so different; it's really nice to get away from the cliches.

As you know, having Fred live was a twist I didn't expect to see, and you really have a gift for conveying it. You also have a gift for conveying the family's emotions at this extremely stressful time...without making them OC.

I thought that you did the entire Weasley family justice (more than I can say for myself, so I hope you like the compliment =]]) You made Mrs. Weasley outgoing, Ginny self-reliant, Ron a little dazed, and Mr. Weasley well-meant. Hurrah! A lot of people can't do it, so great job!

Harry was a little OC in my opinion, though I really can't place it. I think it is because your writing style differs from JK Rowling's, and since Harry Potter was mainly in his POV, it's something hard to do. But still, I think you managed to write the main parts of his character. His modesty and bravery, strong heart, ect...

So Fred is definitely alive! You don't know how happy that makes me! You have to swear to me that you will come by my review thread again, or I might just read the rest of the story without reviewing. I'm bad like that!

Very engaging story! I added it to my favourites!

Author's Response: Hi right back at you! And so glad you are enjoying the story!

I know what you mean about being burned ouut on greiving George fics. I adore the twins. They are my absolute favorites. And believe you me I've scowered the web looking for stories that feature them. They don't even have to be the main characters, just have a significat part, more than three lines, if you know what I mean. But almost ALL the fics out there feature Fred dead, and George dealing with it. There's only so much of that you can take. (And, to anyone reading this, I don't mean that badly because there are some absolutly wonderful and beautiful fics like that out there.)

Thanks for the compliments on the Weasley family! I love my Weasleys, so hearing I got them right means a lot.

Harry IS hard to write. I re-read parts of the book often when I'm trying to write my stories, but I know what you mean about not catching JKR's style from time to time. I'll keep my eye out and hopefully get better at it.

Yes, Fred is definitely alive. But, there may be complications from what he's gone through. That's a lot to survive and walk away unscathed...

I do hope you read the rest! If I can snag a spot on your thread I'll ask for a review because I would like to know what you think. But if I can't get in, I'll at least know you liked it enough to keep going. And favorite it! WOW! Thanks!


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Review #18, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainHealing: Prologue: No Words

24th January 2010:
Hi there *waves*. It's Constants with your review, and I must say this is the most shocking prologue I've read in the entire history of ever.

First of all, I thought that this was one of those 'George is grieving for Fred but eventually moves on' kind of stories. I mean, you had him sitting over his body, looking rough and crap. The ending totally knocked me off my feet!

You stayed within the same POV and the tense was consistant. Even though the situation was slightly AU, you were certainly creative with it, and I can not give you enough kudos for that.

George was...believable. I don't have a twin, so I can't imagine the pain he was going through when Fred died. I can only compare it to losing my own brother, and even thinking like that brings a tear to my eye. His entire mood, between the shock of what happened and his general anger was as believable as believable can get. When he wanted to snap at Madame Pomfrey to leave him alone and let him be, I could totally imagine it. It was kind of narcissistic in a way, but I flourish in that type of writing. So I lurved it!

Maybe it was just me, or was Pomfrey being a little unsensitive. She was practically screaming, "I need you to get out of the way so I can make sure your brother is dead. No need to go in the next room; you can stay here and watch me," Even with the tact(?) she showed, I was still thinking how mean it was.

BUT I SEE WHY YOU DID IT! A minute later, out of nowhere, she screams and Fred might possibly be alive! I can't wait to find out more about it! When they were leaving towards the hospital and George lept on, I clapped and stood up! You broke tradition! You made Fred live, and in a believable manner! I can't wait until I read the next chapter! It is very exciting!

There is only one critique I have to give you, and that was when Bill (I think) said "K". I think just putting "OK," or "okay" would read much better.

Off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you for the wonderful review! It was awesome!

And I'm so glad the surprise at the end of the prologue got you! That was exactly what I was going for. I had to build up the pain and loss for George so the ending would be an even bigger shock.

I've never lost a sibling either, thank heavens!, but the mere thought of it throws me into panic mode. I just tried to channel those feelings, and then expound them by the fact that George not only lost a brother but a twin, and that's what I went with. Thanks for saying it worked! I tried hard to get that.

Sorry about unsenstive Pomfrey. I didn't MEAN to make her that way. I just figured after the long night she'd been through, she would have very little energy left for platitudes, even if she did want to give them. And then, as you said, there was the issue of her needing to perform that ritual in front of George to make the story work.

Breaking tradition? I do that all the time. I have a very annoying habit of picking favorite characters in books and show who end up getting killed. I've gotten very good at imagining ways around that, if you catch my drift. And, I'm also a rather unorthodox writer. I'm glad it works for you! Bring Fred back was a risk. Many people are very firm canon followers and I knew that would probably put some people off from my story, but there was no way I was writing a lengthy tale without Fred in it.

Thanks for reading!


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Review #19, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainTeddy and victorie: Quidditch tryouts.

23rd January 2010:
hi! I'm here again! I had a really awesome idea, and I wanted to know if you wanted to do it. I've beta'd a fair number of times for other people, but never...you know...gave them tutorials and stuff. I really don't know if this is allowed, but I think it would be really rewarding if I could do it. Nothing too big...more like bigger detailed reviews and stuff. I have an account on the forums (look in the box where it says 'read stories') and always check my messages every day there. If not, I also have an email. It is the same as the one on here, you just have to add a live . com. But, it is up to you whether or not you want to do it or not. =]]

Anyways, this chapter was brilliant! I can already see the rift starting to form between Ted and Victoire, albeit a little slowely. I thought you characterised everyone well, especially Teddy. He was really Teddy-ish!

Good job!

Author's Response: hi i would love it if you could be my beta, i will send you my new chapter when it is done, i not sure when that will be thought, i am haveing a little wrighting it but nothing to bad i will try to have it done in 2 weeks thanks for your review, keep reading
loveing_Remus


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Review #20, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainTeddy and victorie: On the train and the Sorting

23rd January 2010:
Hi! I noticed that your story had two chapters and only 1 review, so I just wanted to stop by and see how the story was. I love T/V, and well...it was just sooo tempting =]]

I really haven't read anything like this. It is really fresh and knew, especially with the problems Victoire has to go through. You captured her innocence...and overall...Victoire-ness very well!

Of course, since you are a beginning writer, I'll offer some critique to help you. That's what a review is for after all- to help you improve your technique.

Okay, just a hint for later chapters, Victorie is spelled 'Victoire'. It was really hard for me to remember at first, but after a semester in french, it makes sense. Victoire means victory in French, since her birthday is on the day Voldemort was defeated. You pronounce it 'Vic-twar'. In case you didn't know 0.o

Also, it is very important to remember that always need to capitalize names! Without the capitalisation, they are just like every other common word, which they aren't. Names, along with specific places (Hogwarts), NEED to be capitalised. I can't stress this enough. Since you probably already know this, just remember to proof-read so you can catch it.

Lastly, so I don't overload your brain with advise, remember to use your commas. I'll go in more detail later, of course, when you developed broader skills. You can never go wrong with punctuation.

Hope you enjoyed the review! On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: thanks for your review, i am really happy that you enjoying the story. i am really bad at spelling and punctuation so i am happy that you mentioned that and will do that in the next chapter. i loved you review thanks again
loveing_Remus


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Review #21, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainElectric Twist: Whistle While You Work

21st January 2010:
Hi! I was actually on TGS when I heard people talking about your story. I'm not normally a Ted/anyone besides Victoire shipper, but when I read your review, it really sucked me in. I was already imagining the possibilities your story could have.

Okay, onto the chapter! I really enjoyed it (hurrah!). It was spunky. Descriptive yet humourous. Suave in a way...

OMG Roxi! She's really cute in a way...kind of innocent? It was very obvious how attracted she is (not so surprising when you think about it. He was always older and probably mouth-watering delicious). The small things; getting distracted on the job for instance, was something I considered absolutely amazing. I just hope that Ted falls for her.

Hahaha, this was sooo funny. I love it how she could feel the blood rushing up to her cheeks when Bert started hitting on her. I'm afraid I blush all the time for similar reasons, but don't have dark skin to cover it up =[[ The 'and pigs fly' line was also hilarious. I was literally on the floor laughing =]]

Ahh omgg Teddy! Totally sexy in that Teddy-ish way. I loved the last line as well. Your left it open for romance, which is very good! Sorry...rambling!

I look forward to read the next chapter!

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Review #22, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainNight Terrors: What it Feels Like to Die

21st January 2010:
*waves* Hi! I was recently (stalking) on the forums, and I saw a page where your story popped up. I just had to check it out, having never properly read a Minerva McGonnagal story before. You said this was your first story? How exciting! I was actually surprised because it was so well-written.

Okay...you have all the elements of a good story: a main character who is a little rough around the edges, a plot that keeps us wondering in suspence, and a character who we hope will improve =]

I want to know so many things, but don't know where to begin. Why is McGonagall dying? Why is Draco so skinny (if there is more to it, that is)? How much will Draco open up through the course of the story?

Another thing I have to congratulate you on is McGonagall's characterisation. Through Harry Potter, Jo showed us how kind McGonagall actually is...she just hides it through many layers. You captured this beautifully, as well as Draco's unease. If I was a Death Eater, almost killed Dumbledore, was around Voldemort for about a year, and watched of my friends get killed, I wouldn't be the happiest either. You did it perfectly in my opinion.

As far as grammar goes, it isn't that bad...minor. Mainly just a few overly-descriptive sentences that's most likely a fetish of mine. I don't want to bore you. Very great story so far and keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hey there--thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my story!

I really appreciate your kind words of praise--I have been a little nervous about this since it's my first story and not all the responses have been positive.

As far as your suggestion that some of my sentences may be overly descriptive, I have the same feeling sometimes. If you have time, I'd really love it if you could point out exactly where you mean, so that I could take another look and cut the extraneous words.

Thanks again so much for your time and for your thoughtful review!

KA


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Review #23, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainSnips 'n Snails: A Young Wizard's Tale: A Train Ride and a Look Inside

21st January 2010:
Hi! Since I've FINALLY cleared out most of the reviews I owed, I had to come here! I squealed when I heard another chapter was up, simply because your writing is simply delectable! I remember you posting a question up about this on the forums (a few months ago). Glad you finally have it up!

*turns on critic voice*

Now, I believe this chapter is about the innocence Teddy has, and the point of his life when he actively has to make a serious decision. This chapter is about him transitioning and growing up in a way...farther from Victoire. I noticed no changes in POV or tense, so that's a plus.

As you already know, you do all of your characters justice. I could imagine Andromeda; JK Rowling's Andromeda, actually doing the things she did in the chapter. And although she didn't really characterise Ted, if she was ever going to write about him, it would be done similar to how you do it. It's very beautiful to see in fan fiction, when most of the authors don't have this gift. I applaud you, Melissa. I applaud you.

I have something to say about Corey; was he supposed to sound like a spaz. I'm not sure if you were going for comedy, but as he was like, "My name is Cornelius Lynch. Call me Corey. Only my mum calls me Cornelius," I imagined him twitching a little. I didn't mean to offend him, or you. It just made me laugh.

I think you captured the essense of Hogwarts quite nicely; it was really familiar...I could practically taste the grandeur!

A few grammar errors:

There were places where the chapter was left indented.

"Yes, you share in his brBraden."

Besides that, good job and I can't wait for more!

Author's Response: CONSTANTS! (That was my excited voice)

I am so happy that you finally got to read this chapter. I know that it was a long time coming. lol. It was a difficult one for me to write.

So I'm blushing a little bit. Your compliments about my characters are far too kind. :) haha. Corey is just a bit of a tool. He's stuffy and pompous and thinks way too highly of himself. Feel free to picture him twitching. I dislike him immensely.

The essence of Hogwarts. wow. That in and of itself is a compliment. I tried very hard several times to write this chapter correctly. I finally settled for this. I'm glad it worked.

I'll be sure to edit this up. :) I submitted the next chapter today, so be sure to look for it today.

Thanks Constants!!!
Melissa


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Review #24, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainAll is NOT Fair in Love and War: |Chapter 19| Lies and Deception

19th January 2010:
*hides in far corner* Why Deana! I knew this would happen from the plot-majigger you gave me, but I didn't want to see it come true! There is so much corruption and sadness *sobs*. What can I do???

Let's get straight. I thought Percy was funny before...a sort of farce, if you will. Now I hate him again! All the lies he is feeding. No, he is on square one and he is forever more a ferret.

My heart bled for Draco as Percy fed him lie after lie...telling him about Roxi...things that weren't true. What broke my heart more was that he kind of believed. Off of subject, did you know that your Percy comes off as sort of gay?? I really didn't mean for that to be a flame, but I can just imagine him with his hands on his hips, talking in the way all stereotypical gay men do. Okay, there's my humour. I think I can manage it through the rest of the review now.

It is hard to believe that this story is so close to ending. I am counting down chapter after chapter, waiting until the climatic end. You must promise me that you will make a sequel after this, k? After all these months reviewing this, AiNFiLaW has blended into the fabric of what I believe is HPFF. You, Deana, make it so!

Going back to the chapter (I should have really put that paragraph at the end, shouldn't have I?). For the very first time, Roxi actually made me mad. It wasn't the 'Where-is-my-wand-so-I-can-shoot-her' sort of way (violent much?), but more of the 'why-are-you-believing-the-crap-that-comes-out-of-Percy's-mouth," kind of way. When this all ends, she will know that Kereonna was right all along!

As far as real critique goes, it's grammar. You can probably have it cleared up by just running through it again. It isn't that bad; mainly just typos.

I apoligise for this sorry review. I am really upset with Percy right now. In the 'I-want-to-shove-his-face-in-a-pile-of-bricks' sort of way.

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Review #25, by ohcrapidroppedmybrainWinging It: There's a Story to be Told

19th January 2010:
Hi Jasmine! OMG, I think that this is the first time I've reviewed you! It is such an honour! And I was shocked by how good the story actually is!

Okay, just to clear things up...I believe this chapter was more of an introduction (sort of) to the characters. Cool beans! I must say that the prologue sort of made me excited...I read one of those lines over and over again, but more on that later.

Okay, to begin with, I'm happy to say that you passed the POV test. I didn't notice any slips with the POV, so that's good. You also passed the 'tense' test. You stayed in the main tense *woot woot!*

So...the beginning. I thought the prologue was really good. I am wondering who the woman, the man, and the baby are. I just hope that the bride is not Lily, because for some reason, James not being the one for her is weird. If it is, I must say congrats, because you are a revolutionary. Lily not loving her man *gasp*. Anarchy!

After the prologue, we slipped into a place where Lily obviously felt conflicted at home. I laughed at Lily's description of Vernon- he's been called a lot of things, but never something so harsh. Lol. Afterwards, when she went to Snape's house, I gasped, just because I'm a hardcord Snily shipper. I felt Lily's pain as she heard him being abused, and Snape's embarrassment when she hugged her. It was a little odd that they were going out...but like you said, it is AU.

Mary and Alex were very sisterly. It was not a stretch to imagine them arguing over some party, and the little sister 'unknowingly' mentioning that the older sister's crush was going to be there. The part where their hair blended together was artistic =]

Ariana. For some reason, I think of Ariana Dumbledore, who probably doesn't have anything to do with the story. That aside, I thought that she was a stereotypical teenager. It really fit into the plot, however. Lily AND the sisters seemed a little shy.

Sean, James, and Sirius! Bwahahaha! I can't wait to see where this is going. Sirius mentioning how Alex is annoying and loud and crap was interesting. Will there be a romance involved? Here's my favourite line:


He stuck a cupcake-where the hell had he gotten a cupcake?-into his mouth...

If you were worried about humour, you have it right there. It was really my kind of funny...the more in-your-face, WTF type of humour. Very good!

As far as grammar goes, you have some mistakes...skipping commas, not adding enough description. Here's an example:

Lily slammed the door behind her, muttering to herself. I hate her, she thought, but she knew it wasn’t true. Pet had always been prejudiced against her, presumably out of jealousy, but no matter what she said, Lily always had some sort of sisterly love for her

The 'I hate her' part should be italicised (did I spell that right?), and you want to drag out what Lily is feeling. Towards the end, mention something they did from their childhood. And give the character actions, because they speak louder than words =] I also suggest that whenever you put a name up, bold it so we don't think it's part of the story. For the song, center it or right-align it. It messes up the flow a bit.

I really enjoyed the first chapter! Let me eat dinner and I'll be right back *flies away*

Author's Response: Wow! This is such a long, lovely review. (:

It was more of an intro, yeah. (: But I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

Ha. xD (: I won't tell who the person is (if you want to know, you should keep reading! -hint hint- xD), but I'm glad you enjoyed it.xD

Hmm. For some reason, I've been getting a lot of comments about Lily and Sev dating... I didn't really think about it that much, actually. Huh.

Thank you so much, and I'll work on the grammar things you said. (: I'm glad you liked the humor. :D
-Jasmine


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