Reading Reviews From Member: melian
  
481 Reviews Found

Review #26, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Crawl

14th August 2011:
That's so nice! I do love Neville, and I think the idea that he had peaked at seventeen might indeed have plagued him. He did underestimate himself though, I think -and you've captured that really well. I think it was lovely of Professor Sprout to put the idea of teaching into his head, because of course he'd never come up with it himself. And Hermione being as competitive as ever? Totally in character. A really nice little story with what we know was a happy ending. Well done!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #27, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: A Badge, Friends And Advice

14th August 2011:
I really liked this story. I liked how Angelina was so convinced that she wasn't up to the job, so surprised that she had it in the first place. I liked Fred's absolute joy at the news and determination to celebrate ... and I loved George working out something was wrong and saying just the right thing to make it right again. You can really see them as a couple after this - I know she went out with Fred for a while, but I think that George might have "got" her better, and you certainly captured that in this story. Excellent job! :)

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #28, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Birthright

14th August 2011:
This was absolutely chilling. I was entranced, enthralled by every word, but I have to admit it spooked me quite a lot, That's a compliment, by the way, because it's not often I have that reaction to a fanfiction. It took guts to write the Horcrux-making process but what you have here is absolutely believable and plausible,and the physical toll it takes on him - the red eyes - is just right for the scene.

There were so many lines in this that I was just in awe over, like these:
"She could have been great, but now she was only dead."
"He took the ring from his pocket. It, too, was a circle. Everlasting, like the love his mother had offered this worthless Muggle. Infinite, like the power he desired for himself and himself alone. Eternal, like the life he would possess."
"He need not be human any more. He need only be power."
There are many more, but you get the idea.

Really, I'm still holding my breath from this story. Amazing job. Absolutely perfect for the prompt - the circle here really is neverending.

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #29, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Brainstorming

13th August 2011:
Now this I am really impressed with. I'd never considered Hermione's thoughts when the DA first came into her head, but I think you've absolutley captured them here. First the need to usurp Umbridge in some way, then the need to practice Defence because they weren't going to be taught it properly in school (and in their OWL year! The nerve of that woman!), then the realisation that others would have - or want - to be involved as well. I really liked her thought processes, they were very logical (and thus very Hermione-ish) and really set the establishment of what would become the DA into motion. Great job!!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #30, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Moving On

13th August 2011:
Oliver playing Quidditch! What a great idea for a story! I like that he was accepted into Puddlemere United before he left school, it would have been so thrilling for him and also meant that he didn't have to worry about what he was going to do when he left Hogwarts, unlike a lot of other people. It absolutely fits that he wasn't sad at leaving, because he had so much to look forward to. Really well done and a great idea. :D

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #31, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Sorting Twins

13th August 2011:
What an interesting idea! I'd never considered the Patil twins and the effect the Sorting would have had on them, but you're right, they would have expected to be together and then were forced apart. I liked their argument at the end as to which House they should be in, though - clearly they were both in the correct houses, even if it meant they weren't together. The not bothering to make friends also struck me as very likely, as twins are very often so thick with each other (look at Fred and George) that they don't feel the need for extras. Really well done. :D

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #32, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: The Rise

13th August 2011:
I love Neville. I think that his rise was absolutely momentous, yet it seems to be ignored by a lot of people (much like Alice and Frank Longbottom's fate, now I think of it). But this is absolutely spot on. You've captured his self doubt extremely well - he's not a hero, Harry is - but yet, his actions during seventh year indeeed established him as just that. And then, this moment that you captured, when he confronted Voldemort in the final battle, that really showed his mettle, and proved that he WAS worthy of almost being the Chosen One. Great job!

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Review #33, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Bloody Harry Potter

13th August 2011:
Nice! I'd never really thought about Ron's thought process when Harry's name was called up by the Goblet of Fire, but this captures it really well I think. From shock to that feeling of betrayal that he had to do it himself, couldn't have included Ron in his plans. He was already the centre of attention, why'd he have to get more of it? Yep, I totally get that. Oh, and that little aside about what he'd been dreaming about the night before? Hilarious. Where DO you get these ideas from? :)

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #34, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: The Sorting

13th August 2011:
Nice twist! I wonder why Narcissa said that to him? As a Black I can't see her wanting her son anywhere BUT Slytherin, but if she thought he might do better elsewhere ... it's an interesting thought. I now share Draco's musings at the end - what if? It brings up the truth that our actions, our decisions play a role in our lives as much (or more than) fate does, if you want to think like that - Harry chose not to be in Slytherin, but if he'd accepted Malfoy's proffered friendhsip the story would have been very different. He would have been put in Slytherin - or, would Malfoy have been put somewhere else? A truly interesting thought. Well done!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #35, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: One Word

13th August 2011:
Yes, the Mudblood incident. We certainly can't deny that this fits the prompt to a tee, and I like your take on it. His thoughts about Lily are fond and caring, but he recognises that what they had can never be revived because of a slip of the tongue. I also liked how he reflected on what Mudbloods should be like and compared that with Lily, and found the descriptions totally incompatable. That's how it should be, of course, because a person is more than their parentage, but as a Slytherin and future Death Eater it would be hard for him to reconcile that at times. Excellent job.

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #36, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: The Sixth Brother

13th August 2011:
Aw! How sweet! I really enjoyed this, I think you got Ron's thoughts and feelings absolutely down pat, from joining in his father's enthusiasm about Muggles at Kings Cross station because he was finally going to board the Hogwarts Express too, to being devastatingly curious about this new boy who he'd heard of but had no idea what he was like. I also loved the twins in this, refusing to sit with their midget first year brother, forcing him to make some friends of his own. Some really nice touches and very believable reactions from an eleven year old boy. Great job!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #37, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Weasley, Welcome to the Grave!

13th August 2011:
I loved this. The back and forth between George and Angelina was hilarious, just as I would expect it to be, going from absolute rage and frustration to joking along. It was really well done. I admit that at the beginning I thought this was going to be about Ron, so to have the focus switch to Angelina and George was a pleasant surprise. To the point and totally realistic, it is a true missing moment from the HP series. Great job!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #38, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Lover of Search

13th August 2011:
What a sweet story! I wrote one about Fleur meeting Bill too, but it took quite a different slant to this which I think is good, because we don't want too many similar tales in this collaboration, do we? I liked where you took it, too, especially when you had Fleur fretting about looking so young to him. YOu really captured that, while you feel so grown up at eighteen, to an older person you are still often seen as just a kid. Bill treating her like a real person as opposed to that perfect goddess creature was also a refreshing change for her. Great job!

melian (gryffindor')

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Review #39, by melianPhoenix in the Ashes: Charming

13th August 2011:
Gotta say, this story was charming. I never thought of using the first day of classes for a Muggle-born as fitting the prompt, but of course it does, and you captured it really well. :) I liked how you started with Chams class - I don't remember if that's what Harry had first, but it works for this, particularly as we know that Charms was something that Lily excelled at. Really good insight into the mind of an eleven year old girl, with all her thoughts age-appropriate, which is actually pretty hard to do. Great job!

melian (gryffindor)

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Review #40, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: Line of Fire

12th August 2011:
Gee, I can't imagine a toddler resisting his afternoon nap. Totally unheard of. *grins*

Things like that, and Dorcas' snow globe collection, are what make this story feel so real. Anyone can throw a plot and some characters together, though perhaps not as well as you've done. Giving it that air of authenticity, though, that's harder to achieve. And you've done it brilliantly. Everything about this tale feels so real, so authentic, that it feels like it could just slip into canon as we know it and look right at home. Characterisation, plotting, everything is spot on. And here, in this chapter, I can feel the tension, the hurt when it's revealed that Josef was a spy, the frustration that Severus feels at Malfoy Manor, and the fear that he's going to expose himself. No spy can be totally calm when trying to fool those he works for, especially at his age, but we see him doing his best, which is all anyone could ask for.

A truly excellent story, Pix, and one that deserves more attention. :)

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Aww, you make me blush!

Even the stuffiest of families have to deal with uncooperative little ones. :)

I like focusing on those foibles, as you put it, of these characters. So often, we see only the polished side of people, that well-manicured hedge, the shiny brass doorknob, the impeccable handwritten report... but I think if you look closely, there's weeds and smudges and whited-out ink spots all over the place. Because perfection takes practice.

So here's me, practicing. At my characters' expense, of course! And it would be so much less without your most excellent input. Thank you!



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Review #41, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: Nowhere But Up

12th August 2011:
Think what you like about Netterheim, you have to give him credit for standing up for himself and refusing to bow to Karkaroff's demands. Plenty of men would have caved long before. I like that, it shows a strength that we wouldn't necessarily have expected.

I love the scene with Dorcas where Sev justifies going back to her house for a while, just to recuperate (hahahah). Because, you know, she is darn good at wrapping those bandages and talents like that shouldnt' be wasted. Or something. Self justification is a wonderful thing. :) Nice too that she's berating herself for getting involved when he should have just been an assignment - if involved is quite the word (and I'm sure she'd say it's not). And, of course, he comes in handy for getting rid of unwelcome ex-boyfriends when the need arises. Useful, that. :D

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Mel! I am once again awed by your presence here!

Someone's got to stand up to those nasty people... maybe it takes one to know one? I don't know. It made sense at the time.

Wasted talents are a shame, really. Severus would certainly have the sense to see that, right? And, err... no, of course Dorcas wouldn't use the word "involved". She's just, ummm... Dorcas isn't available to comment right now. She has to go scrub her kitchen again.

I'm glad that scene worked for you. I'm super glad you stopped in to leave more words! Thanks so much!


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Review #42, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: An Intense Beige

11th August 2011:
Oh, I loved the drugged up Severus, from whatever that purple potion was (that tasted so much better than the yellow one). :D You captured the dream-like state so well, complete with him being unsure of both whether he still had his arm, and whether Dorcas was turning purple. (Connected with the purple vial, perhaps?) And then she's so matter of fact, which is a beautiful juxtaposition - "We had an arrangement", and "try not to vomit until I get you over the sink". Such a great contrast. :D

I love the DE discussion after the explosion, too. HAving so much fun (or otherwise) apportioning blame for what happened that they didn't even notice that no one got Snape out. They really are dunderheads, aren't they?

I can understand Dorcas' apprehension about having a marked Death Eater staying in her spare room, and frankly if someone had done that to my kitchen I probably would have gone spare. I applaud her for her patience. And healing skills,f or that matter. :)

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Dorcas is pretty competent in a pinch, isn't she? And how else was I going to unbalance Severus? It's not like he actually shows up to those character relationship therapy sessions we've scheduled on his behalf. ;P

I love that word: dunderhead. *snicker* And yes, they are.

Her kitchen! Ah well. Desperate times.

I love responding to your words. This is most fun, it is!


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Review #43, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: Daring To Suck

11th August 2011:
Poor Avery. I can only imagine what was done to him after he delivered the wrong lunch ... and only you would think of having something like that as being cause for punishment. Brilliant. :D I do pity poor Severus though, having a blunderhead like that assigned to help him with something as delicate as potions work. Seems that Karkaroff doesn't really understand how fragile some potions can be.

Have I said before how much I like your version of Sybill? Trying to make some spare cash to supplement her teaching salary but getting wasted on the booze instead, and Severus having the guilt of being responsible in a way. She's ballsy, though, getting him to pay her because he scared a customer away. No matter what I think of her methods, she's clearly having some success.

The tracking charm the Ministry didn't know about is also a stroke of genius. AS is this line:
"Is it Dark Magic?"
It's a sandwich."
LOL. Seriously, that line makes my day. (Yes, I know. My days are easily made.) I liked Dorcas' suspicions but then her decsion that she has to trust him anyway.

As for that final scene, well what can I say except .. .Avery, you dunce!

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: It's Mel... again! *squeals*

We always see Death Eaters doing all kinds of horrible things and I've always assumed that, as in every organization, there's got to be some dead weight they have to deal with. See, and this is why you're the character relationship therapist, because now I find myself wondering WHY Karkaroff wouldn't know that Avery is completely unsuitable for the task he's assigned. Blunderhead, indeed!

I loved how Sybill was portrayed in the HP movies! I find her actually quite creepy. She happened to survive the first war somehow, and I just couldn't picture her tea leaves telling her to sit tight at Hogwarts until things blew over. These people had lives, right?

Genius? *looks around* Where? Oh, but I love the sandwiches, as you are well aware! Dorcas isn't stupid. But she can't always have it all together either.

Avery... *shakes head* Don't make me a sandwich either.



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Review #44, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: Infinitely Interesting

11th August 2011:
Again, I can't say enough good things about this. I really wish Dorcas could have had her fruity drink at Marlene's NYE party and been spared the exposure to Graves, but then if that had been the case we wouldn't have had a story, would we?

Dialogue in this chatper is absolutely spot on. You had the girly conversation with Marlene (whose character, I might add, is superb), the altercation with Josef and then the discussion with Snape, where she dared to teach him a thing or two about Potions. The nerve of the girl! THen again, he reached out to the Order and then insulted the person they sent to help him, so he's not exactly smelling of roses at the moment either. However, they've settled what differences they might have had and it looks like some kind of working partnership might actually come about. Who'd have thunk it?

Totally gripping chapter. Cant' wait to read on. :D

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Haha! Maybe in the AU version, Dorcas can go have her fruity drink at Marlene's and meet her contact over there and Graves can get hauled off for trespassing. Hmm... that doesn't work on so many levels. Unless... nah. Kidding. Nutterfluff.

Aww, you like Marlene? Dorcas has to have a bit of nerve, given her job and who she has to deal with.

Gripping? Really? You are simply too kind! Thank you for another lovely review! *sends chocolate*


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Review #45, by melianUntil We Close Our Eyes For Good: No Rest for the Wicked

11th August 2011:
Pix!! I have FINALLY made it here to review! Though I already knew how good your story is. :D

I can't say enough good things about your characterisation. Karkaroff, Malfoy, Netterheim, Snape, Dorcas - they're all really well fleshed out characters, with their own mannerisms, foibles, likes and dislikes. I loved how Netterheim had already refused to look at Karkaroff's book, and was really displeased when he saw Snape had it (though the German expletives sounded less than savoury, hahaha). The descriptions are spot on, too - the warehouse, the Potions shop,the Ministry - all sound just right for both the time and the situation, ie the war.

I also really like the thought processes, how Snape isn't so sure he's picked the wrong side after all, if Dorcas is stuck as an Assistant, with her talents. It's nice that he remembered her talents, too, even if it was just a grudging admiration of her Potions skills and gratitude that she didn't pick on him too much at school. Nice one. :D

Anyway I can't stop here all day - there are 5 mor echapters to review!

melian (gryffindor)

PS Do you think I could start up a business for character relationship therapy? It'd pay more than I'm getting now ... ;)

Author's Response: Gifts! You've left me gifts! Thank you!

Oh, mighty character relationship therapist, you grace me with your words of wisdom! I think you'd make a fortune at starting up such a business.

Can I pay you in virtual cake?

I didn't want to have a whole cast of OCs floating around this story, but when Netterheim muscled his way into my brain, I couldn't pass him up. Foibles: I like that word!

Severus' thoughts... I'm glad you liked them! I couldn't have him completely convinced of anything, now could I?

Wow, thank you for such a wonderful review!



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Review #46, by melianMaid Morwena: Maid Morwena

11th August 2011:
This was really lovely, and I think you absolutely nailed the prompt. THis was exactly the type of story that JKR wrote for Beedle the Bard, complete with the moralistic ending. There was a bit of Aesop in here as well as some Rudyard Kipling - a fable along the lines of "how the leopard got its spots", or, in this case, "how the Cornish pixies became ugly". Yeah, I know, I worded that badly, but you know what I mean. Actually, I'm going to remember this as exactly why the Cornish Pixies look like they do, that's how much I think it fits the fables. Excellent job!!

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: I feel bad for not answering sooner; I've seen it and it provided much-needed encouragement during a crazy month :)
I've tried thinking up a 'lesson' and include something from the wizarding world, and this is what I came up with. It's good to know it worked out :)
Thanks for the lovely review!
xox Leo


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Review #47, by melianLike A Phoenix, Like The Moon: Mr White Knight

11th August 2011:
Do I take it Peter transformed into a rat before he hit the ground? Of course, this is the last chapter so I can't find out, but I think that might be what happened. This chapter was certainly action-packed, wasn't it? I think you did it very well - action isn't always easy to write and can often sound contrived, but I think you nailed it here.

Nice from Aurora's POV that the bad guys were in masks and the good guys weren't - made it easier for her to know who to trust. I bet she's wondering who she's been harbouring now, though, to cause this sort of disturbance. Not to worry, she'll find out soon enough.

I've really enjoyed reading this story -it's AU but a good AU in that the good guys are coming out on top and the innocent released, and it's alwyas nice to see Harry get away from the Dursleys. Excellent job!

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Uh, he might have ;) Next chapter is written, but not yet edited.
And I'm relieved to hear the battle scene came across okay; I really didn't want it to sound forced. Aurora will soon find out a little more.
So glad you enjoyed this, I had fun writing this - the first plot bunny that proved strong enough to be written down; even with the plot holes.
Thanks so much for the nice feedback!
~Leo


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Review #48, by melianLike A Phoenix, Like The Moon: I smell a Rat

11th August 2011:
Poor Electra! It hadn't occurred to me that she didn' t know yet that Sirius was innocent, and it's a cruel twist of fate to have Remus called away just as he was about to tell her. Then again, if they're going to find Harry then I guess its' just as well.

I also really liked how Harry was comparing Aurora's treatment of Alyssa to the Dursleys' treatment of him, and finding it coming up short. I think he might have compared it with how they treated Dudley as well, but then again he's five and at that age they don't have the same mental processes as we do, do they? It's true though that it was all he'd known so he didn't question it. Nice one. :)

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hm yes, Remus is quite busy in this part of the story. She'll learn about it soon, though.
And although it may have been safer for him with the Dursleys, it definitely wasn't happy.
Well, thanks for reading and reviewing!
xox Leo


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Review #49, by melianLike A Phoenix, Like The Moon: Laying Chase

11th August 2011:
Nice to see Sirius released - and Remus' quick thinking about the missing rat was good, too. So Wormtail was unmasked years earlier? Excellent. Nothing's too bad for that guy. (Yeah, I like him a lot. Can you tell?)

I liked Harry spotting the man on the street pacing back and forth, though it's frustrating that if Aurora had approached him rather than hurried away they could have had the whole thing sorted out so much sooner. I wonder that she has'nt asked Harry his last name yet, because it'd have to be everywhere in the wizarding world ... but maybe she figures it doesn't matter, due to his parents not being alive. Nice touch that his glasses were too weak, too, it really fits that the Dursleys wouldn't have had his prescription updated more than absolutely necessary.

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Lol, I like the idea of a young, true Peter; but not anymore after Hogwarts. There I agree with you :)
They could have sorted it out right away. But Aurora has her own reasons for running away, which will come up later.
Lovin' the feedback :) ~Leo


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Review #50, by melianLike A Phoenix, Like The Moon: Black Is Back

11th August 2011:
Poor Sirius. I think that Azkaban would be a lot like you described it, though to be honest I'd never thought of a visting area before. It makes sense, though, that he'd be chained to the chair - he is, after all, supposed to be Voldemort's second in command. :(

Curious that we're getting the tale of Wormtail's betrayal here, rather than eight years in the future. Not to worry - if it means he's going to be released, then I'm all for AU. :D

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: If it didn't have an AU tag before, it defintely should now :)
I don't know how far I'll continue this into Harry's Hogwarts years, for I already changed too much to keep to the original plot. Maybe wrap it up before that point of time.
As for Azkaban, I don't know if visitors were ever intended. But if they were, it would probably be kinder to them (Actually, that makes me think of Mrs Crouch. I never stopped to look up where she visited. Hm.)
Anyway, feedback is always appreciated :) Thank you!


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