Reading Reviews From Member: melian
  
521 Reviews Found

Review #1, by melianThe Last Visit: Chapter 1

28th April 2017:
Oh dear. I did pick a tear jerker, didn't I?

That was so so so sad, Ineke. Deathbed scenes are always the hardest to write and the hardest to read, I find. You did a good job with this one as I am now sobbing uncontrollably over my keyboard. Darn you.

Have to admit, though, that's a good way to die. Innovative, I mean. And he probably wouldn't have felt much because the first Bludger would have knocked him out cold. So he wouldn't even have felt the second one, wouldn't have known he was going to die. In that way, because it was quick, he didn't suffer.

Of course, that doesn't mean Albus won't. Being the one left behind is always so tragic, so heart breaking. And you conveyed that so well here. Having Lily with him to calm him, seeing that still figure alone in the room, not breathing, not doing anything he should have been doing. And the first professional Quidditch fatality? How tragic! I mean, I know someone has to be the first, and that someone is probably someone very special to someone else, but to hear that story from Al's perspective? Why are you doing this to me, Ineke? Why? Why? WHY???

Okay, enough of that. I think you did a really good job with this one, because it can't have been an easy one to write. Wonderful work. Now excuse me while I find a box of tissues.

cheers Mel

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Review #2, by melianIntroducing...: Introducing... Meghan Abrams

28th April 2017:
Hi Ineke!

I thought you'd been doing such an amazing job reviewing everyone that you deserved some of the love yourself. :)

This is a great start. You've established your OC very well - in fact, I feel like I know her already. She's very relatable with her self-deprecating attitude and conviction she has talent at nothing ... though we all know that cant' be the case if she's in Ravenclaw. She's got to be good at something, which is most likely using her brain, even if she can't seem to manage to engage it in the activity of keeping plants alive. I think we've all known - or been - someone like Meghan Abrams. Well done!

And you've also set the scene up brilliantly. We've established how nice and quiet her life is, and how nothing interesting ever seems to happen to her (aside from missing her favourite band play when they tour the UK). And then what happens? James Sirius Potter. I admit I find it amusing that a Ravenclaw who's never had much to do with him knows his middle name, but then I figured that (a) everyone knows it because hey, he's James Sirius Potter and he embodies both people he's named after, or (b) you wanted to establish this is next-gen and not Marauder era, or (c) both. Either way, it did the trick.

My only comment is that a lot of the words in this seem to have been lumped together, missing the space in between. I understand this is very likely a formatting problem but if you've not looked at the published version for a while you may not have realised.

Other than that, a sterling first chapter. Great job!

cheers Mel

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Review #3, by melianMeanwhile, Nineteen Years Later: Three Small Glimpses

28th April 2017:
That was really sweet! Three little vignettes from that day at Paltform nine and three quarters, when the epilogue was set. I liked how you set it up, with first a WEasley, then a Malfoy, then a Lupin, with different generations and different reasons for being there.

First let's lookat Lucy. I liked how she wondered if her father had intentionally sabotaged her second year at Hogwarts with his broomstick regulations. After all first years aren't allowed them, are they? Lol. Nicely done. Her seeing Uncle Harry was a nice segue into the next headspace, which was AStoria Greengrass Malfoy.

I liked how youc haracterised her. She nodded at Harry, Ron and Hermione ("the three most famous people in wizarding Britain", as of course they would be) but they didn't notice her among the crowd. And why would they? There were probably a million people who wanted to talk to them.

And last but not least, Teddy. You're right, Teddy. Being and adult is hard work, especially when your significant other - and it was a new relationship, by the sounds of it - is not yet there. After alll, she's legally an adult as you have to be 17 to be starting seventh year, but she's still got taht year at school. It's an interesting juxtaposition, isn't it?

All in all a lovely look at the platofrm that day. Well done!

cheers Mel

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Review #4, by melianMarriage Prospects: A conversation and a letter

28th April 2017:
Aww, isn't that the cutest thing! Poor Draco, batting off his parents' suggestions for a propsective bride, when really what he wants is a groom. Lol. I seriously did laugh out loud at that one.

I liked how you had the different relationships in the past, too. Neville/Hermione - well I never really thought of that one, though I suspect he did have a crush on her at some stage. And creating a younger sister for Neville to act as a red herring was nice, too. Melinda Longbottom. It rolls off the tongue.

Those poor kids. SEven more weeks apart - you can feel the heartbreak in that last bit there. They're dying for contact but it's hard when it's not only a Gryffindor-slytherin relationshiop (especially in the days of the Draco/Harry feud) but same sex as well. I liked how Neville had casually mentioned Justin Finch Fletchley and Ernie Macmillan as a couple to his grandmother to see what her reaction woudl be. So much what any teenager in that situation would do. She didn't bat an eyelid so he's hopeful, but he still doesn't think she'd be happy. I can understand that. Draco Malfoy isn't someone a lot of Gryffindor families would welcome.

And now I find myself wondering how they got together in the first place. i don't suppose you want to give us a one-shot that shows that turn of events too?

Great job!

cheers Mel

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Review #5, by melianSurvival of the Fittest: James keeps his spirits up

27th April 2017:
Ah, Paula, I'm so glad you put a Pride and Prejudice reference in! The moment I read this line:

"Theyíd be so complacent they would never have any rows about anything and theyíd have merry little children without any real psychological problems."

I thought of Jane Bennet and Mr Bingley, as it reminds me of the summary of their future life from Mr Bennet (who to this day is one of my favourite characters in that story). So when you had Albus reading Pride and Prejudice later in the scene i had a smile on my face from ear to ear. Love Jane Austen references. Go you!

Also liked the bird stuff. I'm not really an ornithologist myself but it adds a certain level of - I don't know, believability? - to a story when you put in little detalis like that. Riya is scuplting a bird. The early bird gets the worm. The shrike comment. All totally consistent and help to ground your characters.

Speaking of characters, your characterisation was very good. (Was that too much? Characterisation of characters? Oh well, this is a review, not a story, so my word choice doesn't matter so much.) I liked Riya. I liked Al, too. He's nice and concerned about his sister, enough so to have words with Riya regarding Theo's intentions. I liked Riya's reaction to Ginny making cookies, too. The disbelief was palpable.

All in all avery enjoyable chapter. Nice work!

cheers Mel

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Review #6, by melianHouse of Stone: Prologue

27th April 2017:
Wow. That was intense.

You don't see a lot of chapters from Voldemort's perspective in fan fiction. I'm not sure why that is, but perhaps it's because his mind is so warped it's too hard to get into. I can understand that. Sometimes it's not possible to get into the heads of your characters. But you've done a really good job with getting into the mind of the man who was once Tom Riddle. (I say once, because he's not really human anymore, is he?) YOu've got the coldness, the dispassionate nature, the calculation and the lack of emotion absoultely down pat. Well done!

I think I've read a few one-shots where Draco is branded with the Dark Mark, and certainly some where he's given the task to kill Dumbledore. But, again, always from Draco's point of view. I think that's what makes this one stick in my mind so much, becuase it's a persepctive we so rarely see. But we have all the other elements here - the humiliation of his father, the weight of responsiblity falling on Draco's shoulders, as now he alone can restore the family name. (I do wonder at Narcissa not being called upon, to be honest, as we know Voldemort isn't particularly sexist, with his unofficial deputisation of Bellatrix, but I'll ignore that for now. Let's leave it as Draco knows he has to rescue the Malfoy name.)It's a heavy load for a sixteen year old, but he knows what he's signing up for. He may not agree with it all, b ut he has to do it. And Voldemort knows that, and it shines through. That's really well done.

Great chatper!
cheers Mel

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Review #7, by melianProtector of Mankind: The Soul of a Morph

27th April 2017:
"With an incompetent leader, the sheep became lost." You know, with a line like that you could be doing present day political commentary, not writing fanfiction. I loved it.

This was an interesting chapter, though I admit that starting partway through a novel never does the story justice. Sorry about that. But yeah, the backstory was really intriguing. I'm interested in how you're linking your original characters to the Harry Potter stories we know; how the teacher was at Hogwarts with Lexi's parents, how they were troublemakers of the ilk of Fred and George Weasley, how they too had died young. What is it with poeple of that generation, honestly? Barely one made it to forty, let alone twenty-five. And it seems Lexi's parents are the ones who didn't make twenty-five, rather like Harry's parents.

I also liked the description of Morphmagi (or at least I'm assuming that's what a Morph is) because we don't really get much of that from the canon, which makes it wonderful when people like you come up with their own theories. In this case, it was that they have to find their source before they can access - or is it control - their powers. That was something I had never considered before so thanks for that, it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

All in all a great chapter. Well done!

cheers Mel

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Review #8, by melianPending Further Investigation: xi. epiphanies [or] the ace of hearts

27th April 2017:
Ah, Elisabeth, this was a lovely read. Though, to be frank, some of it DID sound like a sexuality pamphlet. IT was an excellent explanation of asexualty, for those who don't know what it is or aren't aware it even exists (and you know as well as I do that there are people like that). The idea of Holly and Brodie sleeping together but that's it, just sleeping, is something that quite frankly a lot of people woudln't be able to get their heads around. And so Holly is right, in that a role model from the staff is needed to champion this sort of thing. I totally get her reluctance because lots of people don't like to be the centre of attention like that - I"m one of them - but sometimes you have to, you know? So this was kind of one of those scenes where the character realises what it is they have to do. They might not be happy about it, but they do it. And that's what real bravery is.

Sorry. You may not have meant it that way, and I know you don't identify as Gryffindor in any way shape or form. So if I'm totally off base, feel free to tell me.

I also really loved how Holly felt that the days had shrunk by several hours. It really does feel like that when you start full time work - the hours just melt away and you feel like you've blinked twice and the day has suddenly disappeared. We've all been there, but you put words to the feeling beautifully.

Great chapter, Elisabeth! :)

cheers Mel

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Review #9, by melianThe Wrinkles of the Road: Rose. --- The Letter.

27th April 2017:
Hi Branwen!

I found this a really nice little chapter, though it made me think about things a bit more than I usually do. That's been happening a bit lately, but I suspect it's to do with my reading stories by Ravenclaws, hahaha.

Anyway. I loved Rose's panic about the letter from Narcissa, and how she figured it was going to throw a spanner in the works regarding her relationship with Scorpius. Throwing the pillow on it was a great touch, as well. And then Lucy offering to read it for her, and her reaction was absolutely priceless. Nicely done!

The segue into the workplace was neatly done, too. In fact, it was so neat I didn't even notice it at first and had to re-read it. Again, my fault, not yours. I wish my segues were that good. But I digress again. :) Dedworth is I assume an OC, as is Johanna, but it's interesting that Narcissa's like or dislike of someone doesn't impact whether or not she sends them thank-you notes. Of course, it wouldn't, because she is ever the lady, but still it gave Rose soemthing to think about, didn't it? Because she'd thought she had been approved of, and this meant she wasn't necessarily. More food for thought.

Also I liked the idea of Continental creatures making their way across the Channel over the past decade or so, and the alleged connection with the German Ministry in that. Are they helping them across the waters? And if so, why? AGain, thought provoking.

This was a really lovely chapter and gave good insight into the characters. Well done!

cheers Mel

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Review #10, by melianActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

26th April 2017:
Right, so it wasnít murder. One of those accidents, the like of which took Pandora Lovegood apparently. Well, Iíll live with that, though frankly I love a good murder mystery so part of me is disappointed. However, I recognise that this story probably doesnít really need htat drama as well, so Iíll happily accept it.

I see Scorpius did go to Aunt Daphne after all Ė I guess if heís talking about his grandparentsí funeral then perhaps that was Lucius and Narcissa and they werenít an option. Or maybe it was his maternal grandparents, which is probably more likely given Daphne was at the funeral. Anyway, it doesnít really matter at this point, does it?

I found it interesting that Daphne Greengrass had married a Muggle and opted out of the magical world. Itís funny but you just donít think of Slytherins doing that, do you? But itís an excellent reason for Scorpius to move in with the Potters, as I guessed last chapter.

And Rose. Good old impetuous Rose, who doesnít care how things look so long as the result is what she wanted. Rose who was happy to leave home to stay with Scorpius to make sure he was okay. Rose who talked back to her father when she was found (great comment about the toilet, by the way). No wonder he fell for her. I think I would too.

Another intriguing chapter Ė youíve got a great story going here!

Cheers Mel

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Review #11, by melianActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

26th April 2017:
Wow. Holy flashback, Batman!

Well, it was kinda obvious that Scorpius had a thing for Rose. His protectiveness stood out a mile. Itís nice to have it confirmed on the page, though.

The main thing, though, has to be that flashback. So he was orphaned as a teenager and Ö then what? Lived with the Potters? If Al was his best friend and he had some history of staying there, it could happen. Otherwise, it could be Aunt Daphne, or even Lucius and Narcissa? That would have made life interesting. I guess Iíll find out in the next chapter.

This looks like a murder, though, so thereís that to go through as well. And, I mean, poor Scorpius. No one should have to find out about something like this, that way. He found their bodies, for heavenís sake. I have to confess that when he was thinking about an odd smell, thatís the last thing that I would have thought of. Geez. That poor kid. His parents got blasted and he found them lying on the kitchen floor. Heís very rational about going to the Ministry, but that could be the shock talking. After all, that wouldnít be the first time.

So he and Rose BOTH have some trauma in their pasts. No wonder they gravitate to each other. Though, the fact Scorpius had kept Roseís top suggests his affection may have gone back even further than that. (Then again, she said she thought he must have had it from third year from its size. Clearly the size is due to the fact it was hers, but how much older was she when he got his hands on it? Food for thought.)

Anyway, really thought provoking chapter. I look forward to reading the next one.

Cheers Mel

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Review #12, by melianActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

26th April 2017:
Kidnapping!!! So thatís it! Here I was thinking it was some kind of short-lived yet traumatic event, and I find itís an extended traumatic event. Geez. She has gone through a bit, hasnít she? No wonder sheís a bit anxious.

And Louis! Thatís the brother! I knew if I kept reading I would see his name eventually. Easier than looking it up myself, hahaha.

You know, every time I read a next-gen fic Iím always so struck with how, letís face it, HUGE the extended Weasley clan is. I mean, seriously, youíd need a full sized bus to get them all around. I think that might be one reason Iíve shied away from that era, because itís so easy to get all the names mixed up in my head and Iíd be bound to miss someone. And some would say, so what if I did, but Iím sure you know as well as I do that people would notice, and ask. At least, thatís my experience. I wrote a Marauder story without Frank and Alice, and the number of times I was asked why they werenít there Ö

But I digress. Iím here to talk about YOUR story.

James Potter II was certainly well named, wasnít he? James AND Sirius all in one. I think just about every next-gen fic Iíve read has characterised him this way, and why not? The glimpse we saw in the epilogue certainly hinted at it. In any case he certainly knows how to throw a party, and this is clearly no exception.

Nice throwing in some other nationalities there too. American and Australian, from memory Ė it makes a nice change, especially when theyíve all graduated from Hogwarts and havenít just been plonked in as exchange students and the like, which I find usually seems to be because the author wants someone of their own nationality in there. This makes much more sense Ė coming to the UK to play professional Quidditch, or being an ambassador. I like it.

Iím not surprised at the undercurrent between Rose and Scorp, but I do admit the interloper intrigues me. Who was he? How did he Disapparate when Iím assuming James had put an Anti-Disapparation Jinx on the flat? I suppose this will be answered further in. Onwards I go!

Cheers Mel

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Review #13, by melianActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

26th April 2017:
Beth, this is a really intriguing start. Youíve set the scene well, with the young adult Rose clearly suffering some type of PTSD following what Iím guessing was an assault, and how she manages to get through each day after this event. Get up, wash, get dressed, class, rounds, study. The repetition works well, because it is that very repetition that Rose is depending on to survive. To show the world that Rose Weasley hasnít been defeated.

Except perhaps she has.

Iím guessing weíll find out exactly what happened and how close she is to collapse further on in the story. At the moment, her anxiety is debilitating, and while Selenia seems to get it, I donít think Dominique does. Interesting, having Dominique the same age as Rose, Al and Scorpius. I think that most people think of her as older, as Victoire is in seventh year (I think) at this time, but then again people have had bigger age gaps between their children. Particularly if Vic was an, ahem, surprise, and then Dom and the brother (I forget his name) came along when they were more ready for children.

Also an interesting twist having them all in Ravenclaw. Of course, this was written before Cursed Child, when pretty much all next-gen was up for grabs with regard to what could have happened. We have a hint that James is in Gryffindor, I think (itís been a while since I read the epilogue), but the others Ė anything was possible. I never thought of them as Ravenclaws, except perhaps Rose, but hey, why not? Itís as believable as anything else.

Anyway, a good start to a story. Well done!

Cheers Mel

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Review #14, by melianHaversham Westley's School for Boys: prologue.

26th April 2017:
Hi Elisabeth! That was a really fascinating read!

I had never even thought of other schools in the UK other than Hogwarts. Of course there must be Ė it makes total sense, now I think about it Ė but because we only hear about the big schools (Hogwarts, Beauxbatons etc etc) my brain never even considered the possibility of smaller ones. I think thatís one thing Iím really loving about Capture the Flag, because it opens my mind to parts of the Harry Potter universe I had never even considered. You did this to me with Holyhead, too, so I suspect that the more I read of your works, the better my education on this sort of thing will become.

Anyway. Youíve done a really good job of establishing the sort of place Havershamís is. (Speaking of which, did you choose the name Haversham from Great Expectations? Itís fine if you didnít, but if you did it puts a different kind of sheen on the school, so to speak.) Iím very curious about the two kids in sixth year that poor old Leopold is going to be stuck with, but that will doubtless come up later on.

Speaking of Leopold, youíve done excellent basic character development for him. In fact, you imparted so much information in this first chapter that itís hard to believe itís not much over a thousand words. As a public servant myself I have known many people like him, departmental lackeys who only do whatís asked of them and not a thing more, and are perfectly happy to remain unaware of much of what their employer actually does. Like, managing schools other than Hogwarts, for example. His thirty-five year old self is going to be in for one heck of a culture shock, I imagine.

Great job!

Cheers Mel

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Review #15, by melianKnight Takes Queen: Rook

23rd April 2017:
Oooh, second person. For some reason I have always struggled with second person fics, struggling to work out who the person is. Logically, I should have the same problem with first person, but oddly enough I donít. In any case, I expect the ďyouĒ in this story is Rowena Ravenclaw? Only from the summary, and also my assumption that because the person is left wearing a slip, they are female.

Anyway, this is a rather thought-provoking story, isnít it? The process of discovery regarding the lake Ė this adds to my conviction itís about Rowena Ravenclaw, because clearly by Harryís time itís common knowledge there are merpeople in the lake. When the school was founded, though Ė not nearly so obvious. I like that she saw his leap from the water and only then conceded no one could deny his existence.

And then her conviction that he would kill her for invading his territory. I suspect he was curious about her, not least because she was curious about him, and their tentative touch at the end demonstrates this. And the hunger in his eyes? Sexual desire? Itís an assumption, I know, but it seems implicit in their relationship. That said, though, the hunger is hinted to be of an unorthodox variety, especially for that time period Ė at least, for the protagonist Ė and, going by the slash warning I was assuming she preferred women? Then, to have the male merman invoke this response is surprising. Unless .. maybe Iím not reading it right. Maybe he desires her but she doesnít desire him. Sigh. I probably have to read on to understand that properly. Or have more caffeine. One of the two.

Anyway this is really intriguing. I kinda hope youíre not the flag author so I can come back next round and read more!

Cheers Mel

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Review #16, by melianZephira helps decorate: Tree!

23rd April 2017:
Well well well. A story from the point of view of a Kneazle? Thatís something I didnít expect to see here. Then again, Iíve written stories from the point of view of inanimate objects, so why not a creature?

Anyway, the idea of Luna and Rolf decorating their Christmas tree is a fun one, especially if he did manage to find one without a Nargle infestation. Those are hard to come across, I believe, hahaha. Honestly, it would take a special kind of person to live with Luna, wouldnít it? And I say that with the greatest affection for her. Even someone like Rolf who loves magical creatures Ė or so I assume, given his lineage Ė would have to sometimes roll his eyes at her faith in things like Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, Iím sure. And I loved the room! The stuffed Jarvey, the orrery Ö SO Luna. So well thought out.

I admit I had to read this through twice to find the ďscene of a mild sexual natureĒ. Gotta love those warnings, donít you? Naturally I found it eventually. :)

This whole scene acting out from Zephiraís eyes is truly a treat to read, all in all. The thought processes, the assumptions, the stealing of the box for a bed Ö the whole thing just screams cat, or really Kneazle, all the way through. And that ending! Donít they know itís bedtime? Bahahahahaha!!!

This was a really lovely read. Iím glad I found it, even if it was under the auspices of Capture the Flag!

Cheers Mel

Author's Response: I just want to say thank you for reviewing this. As you can tell or maybe already knew, I love cats and my kitties in particular. This was the second story that I'd written from a kneazle perspective, with the first being 'weasleys are away (the half-kneazle will play)' written from Crookshanks's perspective.

Yeah, the old warnings here were different and it likely wouldn't need that warning now, but I'd rather over-rate my warnings then jeopardize my TA status.

I really believe that I have a feel for Luna that a lot of authors don't, but I could just be deluding myself :P I originally started as a Harry/Luna shipper, but then the news on Pottermore came out about Rolf and I love Luna/Rolf, and can totally see them (although my headcanon of Rolf is he looks like a Viking, but that's been toasted a bit with Eddie Redmayne cast as Newt). I think that Luna and Rolf would have lot in common, but just enough differences to make them interesting.

I'm glad you thought that I caught a cat's perspective, since I observe my cats all the time and try to work out what they're thinking in their little feline brains. I can definitely see my cat Sophie trying to think things through while Gremlin just works on instinct and love. Cats and boxes, gotta love them.

Thanks again for the review.


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Review #17, by melianHolyhead: one.

23rd April 2017:
Hi Elisabeth! Here for Capture the Flag.

This was a really intriguing introduction to a story. Can I say that I love the idea of Chilternís Home for Young Ladies? It took me by surprise, a girlsí boarding house, but when you explained it it made so much sense. Girls kicked out of home because their parents were frightened of magic. Itís something Iíd never thought of but, especially in the 1960s, you can really see paranoid religious parents panicking about the witchcraft (and it was literally witchcraft) that their children had brought into their homes. So they would need somewhere to go, wouldnít they? Itís only logical. And I thank you for bringing this aspect of the magical world to my attention.

I can also understand Jennyís problem. The girls would get younger and younger, compared to her, and she would only be able to make excuses for so long. Again, itís the 60s. A lot of people wouldnít understand and certainly wouldnít accept her preferences, especially if all her neighbours had grown up in Anglican households, as you intimated. This is one thing religion tends not to accept, regardless of which religion it is. (There are, of course, exceptions, but most of the monotheistic faiths so prevalent in the world today fit into this category.) And can I say I love the name of the bar? Holyhead. I assume itís taken from the Quidditch team that only have female players Ė itís not too much of a stretch to associate that with female same-sex partnerships. Iím sure the Quidditch world would be full of rumours about Holyhead players regardless of their sexuality, because people can be inconsiderate like that. So itís an ingenious name for the pub, and can be seen as either a confirmation of those rumours, or an ironic nod at their falsity.

Anyway, a great beginning to a story. Great job!

Cheers Mel

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Review #18, by melianWe Will Rebuild.: We Will Rebuild.

23rd April 2017:
Hi! Here for Capture the Flag!

That was a really interesting piece. There are many aspects of the Potter fandom that Iíve never really given much thought to, and this is one of them Ė how they rebuilt the Ministry in the days immediately following the defeat of Voldemort. I quite like the idea of a landslide electing Kingsley, but Iíll be honest in that I had always pictured it as him being appointed rather than elected. That said, there is something in the idea of the wizarding world being allowed to have a hand in kicking out the old guard themselves. I have a vague recollection that Pius Thicknesse might have been killed in the final battle (my memory is sketchy on this, though Ė I havenít read Deathly Hallows in a while) so there position was vacant, but there is something symbolic in being able to vote the past away anyway. I hadnít really thought of it like that.

And Arthurís promotion? Too perfect. He should never have been marginalised the way he was in the first place, and itís nice to see Kingsley recognising his worth. (Iím not going to discount the idea of Arthur being perfectly happy where he was and not wanting a promotion, but we did get the feeling from the canon that regardless of his ability he was constantly overlooked and his area of expertise not taken seriously. Itís seen often in indirect discrimination cases, be it racism or sexism Ö perhaps this was a kind of Weasley-ism, perpetuated by the likes of Lucius Malfoy who was always in the previous Ministersí ears? But I digress.) Itís the perfect role for someone like Arthur to have.

I really enjoyed reading this, but then from you I expected no less. Great job!

Cheers Mel

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Review #19, by melianPeriphery: Chapter Two

20th April 2017:
That was really interesting!

First of all I want to talk about characterisation. I thought you did a really good job of showing peopleís personalities with only minimal description. For example, we donít see much of Emily, but I have a solid idea of what sheís like. Equally Marlene Ė and can I say I loved the description of her being pretty in a cunning sort of way. Iíve never heard that before but it makes a lot of sense. I liked too the comparison of her teeth to Emilyís. Itís small, but it felt significant.

Also, the Marauders. This was clearly set just after a full moon. I liked how you said Remus had always been sickly Ė something that would make sense to a person in that year group as he was always in and out of the hospital wing. Peterís notes always having crumbs on them was another nice touch. Iím curious about the relationship Ė or lack thereof- between Sirius and Marlene too. Clearly he wants to take it further. I wonder, with all her capabilities, if she will let him.

Iím also very intrigued by the Black Adder Society. Iíve not read many Marauder fics that have any sort of organisation other than Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix. This, though, coupled with Michael Flint having the run of the school, is pretty thought-provoking. And the black dahlia warning too Ö without any knowledge of floriogaphy it made me think of a spy novel I read yonks ago that talked about a person called the Black Dahlia. If it means a warning, that makes perfect sense. So thanks for htat!

All in all a most interesting chapter. Well done!

Cheers Mel

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Review #20, by melianKeep Calm and Carry On: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

20th April 2017:
Well, that was a fun read!

Nice use of backstory. I know enough about all our main characters, without ridiculously long and boring paragraphs explaining it all, or making me feel like you've regurgitated your entire notebook. It's surprisingly difficult to achieve that (I know I rarely manage) so kudos for that.

I'm finding myself liking Edie. She's a solid and believable character - 26 years old, entry level job, boozy nights out, love of sports, losing her best friend to a relationship, the works, which all make her very relateable. After all, magical world aside, most people would be able to relate to at least one of those points. Me, more than one. But I'm not saying which ones!! Lol.

I loved the charmed mirror too. I have thought more than once about following sports from afar when you don't have televisions and wondered how the magical folk did it, as surely just hearing about it after the fact wouldn't be enough for most people. Especially when they learn Muggles have had television for decades. Not much point in priding yourself on magical abilities if you can't manage this one thing, is there? And yes, they have the wireless, which I assume broadcasts sporting events when they're on, but visuals are everything. So, charmed mirror? Nice. And even nicer to have Seamus and Dean make friends with her so they can use it!

While I'm on those two, I really liked your characterisation of them. You've obviously put a lot of thought into how their adult selves would behave and it shows. Each with enough of the kids we knew in the canon, extrapolated enough to give them believable characteristics eight years later.

Oh, and back to the mirror. The dodgy reception??? That was GOLD.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one. Great job!

cheers Mel

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Review #21, by melianIvy and the Art: Ivy and the Art

19th April 2017:
Awww, that was the sweetest thing! Pansy wanting the world to swallow her up, and Seamus helping her see some of the sunshine again.

I liked Pansyís characterisation. Sheís had enough of school for the time being. Sheís been humiliated by the most popular boy in her House (in her year) and she wants out. She wants to not be noticed. You know, I can understand that. Everyone likes to be invisible on occasion, and for a teenage girl any humiliation is too much. You would know as well as I do that teenage girls are judged on their prettiness Ė who am I kidding, all women are, but teenage girls donít have the self confidence to be able to let that run off them yet Ė and so to be told in front of all of Slytherin House that sheís not pretty enough would have to be her worst nightmare. I get it. I really do.

And then, help comes along from what would have to seem like the least likely source. Heck, she probably barely even knew his name before this event. But he sees sheís crying even before she does, and he wants to help. I like how she tries to fob him off, dismissing his good intentions as Gryffindor chivalry. Perhaps it is. But that doesnít stop it being the right thing to do. She was upset, and by the end, she wasnít anymore. And that was just due to Seamus treating her like a human being, offering a handkerchief and a figurative shoulder.

I liked his characterisation too, by the way. Free and easy, always smiling, like he doesnít have a care in the world. Iím guessing he does Ė we donít know what year this was set in but the older they got, the more the war reared its ugly head Ė but he doesnít let it show. Perhaps thatís his defence mechanism. All we know Ė and all we need to know Ė is that at this moment they are good for each other. I never thought Iíd be convinced by a Pansy/Seamus ship, Iím happy to admit that. I think youíve made me reconsider. Great job!

Cheers Mel

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Review #22, by melianBroken Crown: Chapter the First

19th April 2017:
Hi Isobel!

Well, that was a thought-provoking beginning. I like how you used the line from the summary in chapter 1 because it means that we get to the good bit quickly Ė and also, because itís intriguing! We know Crabbe is dead. We know that Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson and Gregory Goyle (I assume thatís the Greg you refer to) are now wandless, possibly in connection to Crabbeís death. And we know that this Ms Montague Ė who I think is an OC because I donít remember her from canon, though I assume sheís related to the boy Fred and George stuffed into a Vanishing Cabinet Ė is claiming responsibility for his death.

Itís also clear this is set not long after the war finished. Robards is still head of the Aurorís office, and people with connections to know Death Eaters are being chased down and interviewed. I find it fascinating that you put Zacharias Smith in with this group Ė or, if not, then why was he being interviewed by the Ministry? More intrigue.

So we have a potential Death Eater associate, some semi-guilty verdicts on known Slytherins (and, due to Ms Montague knowing Draco, Pansy, Greg and Zacharias I take her to have been in Harryís year) and an unexplained death. Great way to start a story. I want to read more. Well done!

Cheers Mel

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Review #23, by melianRegulus Arcturus Black: Now I Was Gone

19th April 2017:
Wow, Erica, that was really thought-provoking.

Of course I want to know who she was, but then again I actually donít need to, do I? Sheís a Slytherin who followed other Slytherins (and those from other Houses, I should add, but they were mostly snakes) into the Death Eaters, and her encouragement led at least one other person into that fate. We know enough of Regulus to know he probably would have joined up anyway, but this might have been the impetus for him. Sex and love will make people do all sorts of things, as we well know.

I liked the repetitiveness of his thought process Ė the blinks. I know what itís like, it feels like you blink twice and another year has passed. But Regulus was too young for the years to pass by so quickly (after all, itís a reflection of how long one year is compared to how long youíve been alive) so that makes it even more effective. That someone so young could be so jaded, especially when he had the feted childhood of the chosen son (post Siriusí departure) speaks volumes for the impact this girl had on him. Blink. Another year, another memory. Yep, it worked really really well in this context.

I will also say that this is the first time Iíve read a fic about Regulus that doesnít mention Sirius. Not once, not even my allusion. And I think itís all the more powerful because of that, to be honest. Great job!

Cheers Mel

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Review #24, by melianWhen I Go Out With You: Fools Rush In

19th April 2017:
Lesley Gore! I love Lesley Gore. That probably says something about my age, though, especially given the challenge title. Sigh.

Anyway, Sam, this is gorgeous. Youíve taken the memories of schooldays and melded them with very adult feelings and emotions that can arise when you meet someone from your past out of the blue like that. What was an innocent friendship can so often turn into something more just by the passage of a few years, and youíve shown that admirably.

I particularly liked the almost innate sense of disappointment when Susan leads Hannah to a table in the Leaky Cauldron rather than a room upstairs. Their touch and subsequent eye contact had almost been a promise that would at first be unfulfilled. And then you leave it so open! What happens after they clasp hands? Do they sit and talk for a bit, or do they do some minor exploration and then kiss, or do the rooms that Hannah looked at so wistfully come into play? Any and all are possible and I think itís the anticipation that works so well here. Touch begins their story, touch ends it Ė in this chapter at least Ė but it has been so much more than just touch. Itís been, like I said, a promise.

So, youíve got me hooked right from the get-go here. Lovely piece of work. Really enjoyed reading it. :D

Cheers Mel

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Review #25, by melianLiar: Gryffindors

18th April 2017:
Hi Chiara! This was certainly an attention-grabbing read.

I liked how you switched perspective from Peter to Remus and back again. Those are probably the two rarest Marauder perspective, especially Peter. Nice to see him not being ignored totally, as is too often the case with Marauder fics.

Interesting backstory you gave him, too. The cousin in Slytherin, the parents who were both in Slytherin, the childhood friendship with Remus. I assume Remus left after he got bitten? That would make sense, and also of course explain Remus not wanting to get too close to Peter, in case he worked it out.

I thought Peterís observational skills were most interesting as well. I notice you took all the surnames from canon Ė easily recognisable because I did the same with my Marauder fic, and we chose some of the same ones. Different first names, of course, but thatís only to be expected. It does show an attention to detail from you that is rather impressive, as most people arenít finicky enough to bother with something like that. I feel this makes us kindred spirits. *high fives*

Remusí perspective was equally fascinating. The furtiveness, hiding such a key part about himself Ė it would have been all consuming, wouldnít it? Most of the Marauder fics you read are set later on, when the others all know about his condition, but I quite like the dynamic his secrecy brings. It makes for a really strong conflict just within the dorm, doesnít it?

All in all a rather thought-provoking chapter. Nice work!

Cheers Mel

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