Reading Reviews From Member: WonderlustQueen
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WonderlustQueenSpark: Arrival

19th August 2010:
I'm enjoying your writing, particularly the dialog. The only thing bothering me is the short length of sentences, which I think is fine sometimes, but not when it's a couple in a row. A good idea would be to alternate the length of your sentences and their structure.
But you are very talented =].

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Review #2, by WonderlustQueenRandom One-Shots: Draco and Michelle

19th August 2010:
My suggestion for you to improve your writing is to stop focusing all your attention on dialog and throw in some description. For instance, when you constantly write "..." she said, "..." he said, it gets a bit boring, like reading a movie scrip or play (which do always include a description of the scene as well as lines).

Without description, there is no story; no element of magic, no opportunity to look into another's fantasy world, which is, after all, what is so enticing about fiction.

I hope to see you improve =]

Author's Response: Thank You. I will try to use you thoughts in my next writing.(If I think of another good story to write about)

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Review #3, by WonderlustQueenThe Greengrass Girl: Hard Times

25th June 2010:
How refreshing it is, to read good writing on this site for once! I applaud you, with the utmost sincerity, madame. I was impressed with your abilities as early as the first paragraph, "...the deafening noise of nothing." was a line that stood out to me. I really do believe it to be quite beautiful... and very poetic. Oh, I do enjoy a good oxymoron now and again, but I'm just nerdy in that manner.

Very vivid descriptions, too, which is simply wonderful. Nothing like a talented writer who can place the reader directly into their vision, and paint such a detailed picture!

"Astoria had only been allowed wine... She drank anyway." is also a striking aspect of your style of writing. It is very relate-able, makes the characters realistic, and brings them to life!

However, I suggest you don't echo words too often, because it doesn't seem to be intended for effect. It's just a bit dull to read the same word two sentences in a row, but this is just my opinion.

You are exactly the person who I would love to have critique my writing, so if you ever have time... *wink wink nudge nudge*

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! Your advice is great and I really appreciate it especially as I'm trying to improve my writing style at the moment. Anywho this review made my day so thanks very much!

Inkpot x

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Review #4, by WonderlustQueenConsequences: Memories in a Photo Frame

8th January 2010:
You definitely seem to have quite a talent for writing, and not to mention immense potential. However, you have much room for improvement. A really good idea is to always reread your writing and edit and edit and edit. You might have had a perfect imagine in your head, and had gotten it down on paper as quickly as you could, but you really must go over what you wrote because you may not have realized at the time if something was lacking. I have noticed a great improvement in my own writing after I started doing this. It will also help you notice spelling/ grammar mistakes that could distract the reader from the content, no matter how intriguing.

I also suggest you try to give more vivid descriptions. Ok so there's a door. The reader sees a door. But what does the door look like? Is it polished and fancy schmancy? Or is it old, cracked in grimy? Does it creak when you open it, or does it smoothly glide across the floor noiselessly? I'm not trying to say you should describe furniture, just giving an example of what might make your sentences stronger as well as paint a better picture for the reader so they see the story as you do in your head. This should aid you in setting a mood to your story.

And this last piece of advice I believe is a bit irrelevant and do not expect you to take, but try to make the story more realistic. If your parents had died, would you immediately resort to giving your virginity to your worst enemy? Do you think Hermoine Granger would? This does not apply to you, but I have noticed that quite a bit of the stories posted on here are just a step below pornographic fantasies.

Alright so on a slightly better note, I actually fully enjoyed the beginning of this story. It was clever and enticing, and kudos to that. It did kind of go down hill a bit from there, but I still consider this a decent fanfiction =]. I hope to see you improve.

Author's Response: Wow thanks for leaving such a long review. I actually wrote this quite back to front so some of the later chapters were written long before the first few chapter so I am starting to have more of a chance to re-read them fresh in my mind because I haven't read them in ages.
I know about grammar, it's something I've always been bad at even in school. I'll try to keep an eye out. About the spelling, I do always do spell check a couple of times. Are you from the USA? I know a few words are spelt differently over there as I'm English, it might not be that but my spell check doesn't seem to be picking them up.
Argh yeh I know I know I'm gonna try harder with description, it's definitely a weak point for me.
Hehe I know but everyone makes mistakes especially when they're young and have had something awful happen to them.
Thank you for the compliment about the beginning. I will try to keep improving.
Thanks so much for reviewing!

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