Reading Reviews From Member: WriterPlatinum
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WriterPlatinumWith the Wind in Her Hair: Evidence

12th August 2009:
Wow, this seemed longer, not shorter! I like the fact you provided some good, hard evidence as to why Hermione was in the photo album. The amount of detail you put in was amazing. There's something I noticed, though. You used italics far too often. For the letter, it's alright. But perhaps, for the narrative lines, use bold or underline. I'm very surprised this chapter was validated, since there are a lot of italics.

I also like the cliffhanger you use. It adds a feeling of suspense to the story. So, some simple suggestions: less italics, more bolds/underlines. Also, I think you should get a banner and chapter images, as pictures attract people to the story. So far, so good. Great job! I'm keeping tabs on this until it's complete.

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Review #2, by WriterPlatinumWith the Wind in Her Hair: Christmas in Godric's Hollow

12th August 2009:
I think this is a nice beginning. You fell into the problem punctually, and I didn't spot any errors. The surprise at the end of the chapter was quite shocking, although what's with the date? Hermione wasn't born in, or before, 1911. Maybe it's just a great-great-great-grandmother or something.

I'm going to read the next chapter, I hope and I think it will be as good as this one, albeit being shorter. So far, this story is going well.

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Review #3, by WriterPlatinumTonight is the Night you Died: The Crying Doesn't Stop

17th July 2009:
This story is a little short, but short stories are... short.

I like the vocabulary and the grammar, I didn't spot any mistakes. It took me a little time to work out it was Fred from his point of view and not George.

I'm not entirely sure why there's an OC character, I didn't spot any.

Overall, great story. 10/10.

Author's Response: Thanks! The oc was a just in case, I had a friend who couldn't figure it out :p

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Review #4, by WriterPlatinumBreathing Freedom: One

20th June 2009:
Very good!

I must say, that's one of the best stories I've read so far. I'm not so sure what so say, so this review will be quick and simple.

Overall, it's great, and I didn't spot any errors. Great job!

Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me. I mean. thank you! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #5, by WriterPlatinumA Dream Come True: A Dream Come True

20th June 2009:
Very corny! Haha!

A little short, but that's alright - good things come in small packages. I think the language was brilliant. It's the first romantic story I've actually been able to read whole - and I read it pretty fast.

Nice description, nice everything! Great work.

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad you liked it so much! I hope you find more romantic stories you can read-check out Redheads_4ever and Redheads_sis. Thanks for the review!!

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Review #6, by WriterPlatinumSongFic Tutorial: SongFic Tutorial: Unacceptable (Paraphrased) Song Fic

14th June 2009:
No wonder that would get rejected. It's so boring, and there's no actual plotline.

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Review #7, by WriterPlatinumSongFic Tutorial: SongFic Tutorial: Unacceptable (Karaoke-Style) Fic

14th June 2009:
That was so funny! I mean, for a chapter that doesn't have an actual plotline.

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Review #8, by WriterPlatinumSongFic Tutorial: SongFic Tutorial: Acceptable SongFic

14th June 2009:
That's the best song fan fiction I have ever read! Man in Black is the best song for Snape, truly.

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Review #9, by WriterPlatinumHow short the story of a life can be: How short the story of a life can be

12th June 2009:
I don't know why I like sad song fictions so much. But this one nearly knocked me dead. No, really. I felt those tears coming into my eyes - I didn't cry, I'm too tough to do that.

Great plot, excellent language (even I didn't know what lethargic meant!) and overall a terrific story.

Author's Response: Wow, thanx! I love the sad fics too, and I don't know why =P But now it's summer, and all my stories get happier. Strange, I know! But I'm really glad you liked it!

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Review #10, by WriterPlatinumI Miss You...: I miss you...

30th May 2009:
So good I think my eyes nearly got to stinging level! There's no problem with it, only I absolutely hate the singer.

Author's Response: i absolutely hate her as well! tried not to think on that too much while writing it haha :)

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Review #11, by WriterPlatinumA Wilting Rose: You Just Don't Know It

19th May 2009:
Fabulous grammar and spelling, obviously. An interesting romance which I wouldn't have reviewed if I hadn't read it.

OK, because I haven't read it for a while, I've forgotten most of the details. So this review's going to be rather short.

On the whole, great story and plot!

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! I truly appreciate it! :)

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Review #12, by WriterPlatinumThe Chess Set: The Chess Set

12th April 2009:
Another very good story I have read. Wow, I can point out not one flaw in grammar or spelling!

The only problem is there is no actual plot or complication, only a telling of the past and very little present actions. This can be quite irritating, especially for readers who want a bit of action.

Aside from that problem, your story is excellent. I am, therefore, rating it 10/10.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Hmm, it was never meant to be a plot-driven one-shot, merely a reflection, which definitely takes a slower pace. Thanks for reviewing :).

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Review #13, by WriterPlatinumRegret: Chapter 1

11th April 2009:
A very good chapter. There were no mistakes at all.

I like how you described his recent past. That's an element that's often missing from stories. Readers want to find out about the past.

I like how you said she was a Lycan, like Remus, and that somewhat drew them together. How else could he have known where she was all the time?

One thing you could have added was her name. I always provide the names of all my characters so readers find out one of the basic elements that make up a character's personality. I know she had white hair, but what else? Her eyes? Her skin tone? What was she wearing on the parchment?

All in all, a fantastic chapter, with few things that need to be added. I rate this 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
sorry for the late reply. ^^
i thought best to let her character description out rather than explain what she looked like completely. either way, thank you for reviewing!!


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Review #14, by WriterPlatinumThe Grey Lady: The Beginning

30th March 2009:
That's good. I will point out a few mistakes.

Firstly, every time you split speech, after the speaking verb you always put a comma. “Helena Ravenclaw,” I stated “pleased to meet you.” This is a mistake. It should be: “Helena Ravenclaw,” I stated, “pleased to meet you.”

Secondly, and I am quick to notice this, there are notable grammar errors. Take, for example, this sentence: “Are you…are you-“, she spluttered

Notice anything? The last speech mark is the wrong way round, and you've missed out out on a full stop. This sentence should be: "Are you…are you-", she spluttered.

The next grammar error is here - and it's common. We trudged towards the castle, Martha at my heels a constant stream of questions erupting out of her mouth, i either grunted or nodded in reply not paying much attention to the actual words she was saying. You know when you're writing from a character's point of view you always write I not i and in some places you have to put commas. The sentence should be: We trudged towards the castle, Martha at my heels a constant stream of questions erupting out of her mouth, I either grunted or nodded in reply, not paying much attention to the actual words she was saying.

Standing beside Martha, whom thankfully had become quiet we marched silently into the warmth of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This needs another comma.
Standing beside Martha, whom thankfully had become quiet, we marched silently into the warmth of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Oh dear. There appears to be a paragraph full of grammar errors. "Line up in twos please, lines of two! You boy! If i see you pushing one more time i shall expel you right here and now!" A female voice boomed up ahead "Now in an orderly fashion follow me, do not stray from the line, do not push, do not doddle. Right then. Follow me." Unfortunately, they seem to be the mistakes I've pointed out above.

"Line up in twos please, lines of two! You boy! If I see you pushing in one more time I shall expel you right here and now!" A female voice boomed up ahead. "Now, in an orderly fashion, follow me. Do not stray from the line, do not push, do not doddle. Right then. Follow me." Notice the corrections?

One more grammar correction. Standing beside Martha, whom thankfully had become quiet we marched silently into the warmth of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Once again, you need to insert another comma.

Standing beside Martha, whom thankfully had become quiet, we marched silently into the warmth of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Well, that just about ties things up. A good work, although I suggest revising it.

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Review #15, by WriterPlatinumForbidden: Forbidden

26th March 2009:
Wow! That's good. But I noticed a problem in the second last paragraph. You missed out a full stop - the one that's supposed to be before the speech marks.

Author's Response: I am not sure what you mean by 'Full Stop'. My Forum name is the same as my Archive name, if you would like to message me to explain. Thanks for reviewing. Glad you liked it. This was my first, and definitely not my best effort. You should check out some of my other work :) Thanks again!

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Review #16, by WriterPlatinumPray for Tomorrow: Chapter One

24th March 2009:
I like that chapter. Is that Rowena's point of view?

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Review #17, by WriterPlatinumReflected Reality: Reflected Reality

14th March 2009:
That was really good! I liked the description you put in, and how you suddenly changed emotion. Brilliant!

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Review #18, by WriterPlatinumDear Emma: Accusations and Apologies

6th March 2009:
That was also really good! I still like the mix of regular, bold and italic! Great work!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I wrote this a long time ago so I feel like it's some of my weaker writing. I'm glad that you still think it's good. Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #19, by WriterPlatinumDear Emma: The Unusual Request

6th March 2009:
That's brilliant! I like how you switch between using italic, bold and regular. Amazing!

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, you can't change font styles on here so I changed between bold and italics to show that a different person was writing. Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #20, by WriterPlatinumArranged Marriage Tutorial: Arranged Marriage Tutorial

3rd March 2009:
A very good story, I must say. The description is excellent, and the way you give the reader the sense of how Narcissa had come to marrying Lucius is brilliant.

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Review #21, by WriterPlatinumTo Live Forever: To Live Forever

6th February 2009:
That's really good, but the only problem is in the last paragraph, in some of the last few sentences, you switch tenses and points of view. You should go back and edit that.

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