Hello, Animic here for duty!
I'm not a huge fan of romancey stuff, as you read, but this was alright. Normally, I just don't like it when it's all predictable and cliche. I'm glad that you stuck to Lucius' true personality and not created a false one. That's what I really hate.
I've never read a Lucius/Lily before so maybe I'm being biased, but I thought you handled it quite nicely. And I loved James (: It's exactly how I imagined him acting towards Lily. Muaha.
Oh, my favorite quote from Lucius was when he said somethign like, "I'm surprised you can speak with all that dirt in your mouth." When I read it, I was like. OH. Buuurrrnn! haha.
Overall, nice job. Didn't notice any grammar mistakes. At least not any noticable ones. And your style is quite nice. Well done :)Author's Response: Yes! Lucius is so easy to mess up. It's nice to know I didn't. :D
And I love James, too. I honestly feel really bad for him in this story because as annoying as he can be, he really just doesn't want Lily to get hurt. But more on that later. :D
I was a little bit wary about that line, actually, so thanks for commenting on it because I definitely feel better about it now. :D
Thanks for the review!
-Dem- Report Review
Hello! Animic from the forums here for duty! Haha.
I really liked this beginning to the story. I've written a story about a main girl named Tristan who was supposed to be a boy so this brings back fun memories :)
A little comma splices and period mistakes here and there but other than that, your heart is in the right place. I really like how she keeps on stating that "I will be that Gus. I will." It really gets sympathy for her and hoping that she will indeed become that Gus.
Overall, I thought it was a really good story. Nothing too bad to report. :) Feel free to request again for the second chapter if you like. Sorry, but due to my schedule and stuff and I'm only on my queue and my stories that I've been writing. haha.
Anyway, good story! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for your comments, I had re-requested for the next chapter :)
-Cass Report Review
The idea certainly is unique. I like that about it :)
One thing is that it peeves me when stories start with a piece of dialogue. But that's just me. I'm more of a description person.
The names are very cool. I love weird and unusual names. Makes me want to know the character more. Makes it mystical. haha
I'm a little confused about why they're trading places for just a week but I'm guessing that will be covered later since you said this is a prologue.
The idea of the story kind of reminds me of Parent Trap. haha. Have you seen that movie?Author's Response: Yeah, I've seen that movie! It is a little like that. ^^
I really like the names too. Before when writing I haven't really worried so much about names, but after being on the forums a bit I've realised that some people put a lot of weight in them and so I put some thought into these.
About the dialogue/description part, I guess it's just a matter of opinion. I have found myself starting a lot of stuff I write with description, so I thought I'd try to do it differently. Personally I don't have an opinion either way.
They're trading places for only a week for the simple reason that if they were to switch during a longer period of time the risks of someone noticing would increase since Vera would be expected to perform magic at Hogwarts and can't since she's a squib.
Gosh, this was a long response, but anyway, thanks a lot for the review! (:
/Jolly Report Review
Hmm...you never really see Gregory Goyle fics around anymore. I thought you did a really good job. :) Good insight to Crabbes death.
Also, Hermione was a little biotch in this fic if I may say. haha.
One question. Where was Draco at the trial? I would have thought he would have at least been there. And been a witness. Since he was right there with them all. haha. Oh well.
Overall, I thought it was pretty good. Well written.
AnimicAuthor's Response: Wow, you got to this quickly!
Thanks! I'm glad that you think that it was written well and that it was a good portrayal of Crabbe's death. Haha, yes, Hermione is quite ruthless with former Death Eaters, and she was so much fun to write here.
Oh, you make a really good point about Draco. I think I'll throw in a mention of him now, but I don't think Goyle would dwell on him too much at that point in time.
Thank you very much for the great review! Report Review
Animic here! :)
Hmm...I thought you balanced the story quite evenly. I think it was a very well done story. However, I never imagined Lily and James being so distant. Then again, that's just my opinion. haha. It was a very interesting approach to their lives after they had Harry. I kind of wanted to slap Lily when she started to think about Sirius and Remus. I find it funny that Wormtail wasn't mentioned at all. :P I wonder why. haha.
I liked it though. Kind of created an eerie sort of theme but it got cute at the end. haha. Almost really sad. Because we all know how it really turned out :(
Good job! :)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
No, I hadn\\\'t ever pictured James and Lily being distant either, but then this plot bunny struck and I decided that it could happen to anyone, really.
Yes, no Peter. Can you blame her? :P
Thanks; I wasn\\\'t sure whether I should have ended on a positive note because we know what happens, but I\\\'m glad you liked it! :) Report Review
I just wanted to say that this is one of the best stories I've read. I think you have Voldemorts character down PERFECTLY! I honestly thought it was amazing! I loved Veronica and her personality. She was everything Voldemort isn't and everything he deserved. Awh, it made me sad. :( Almost cried.
I loved it! I seriously think it was amazing! i have no criticism. 10/10!! For sure!!!
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Aww thanks! :D :D Your review really made me happy! I was so worried when I wrote this because I never wrote something dark or about Voldemort so I'm really happy you like it!
Thank you so much for the review!
x Report Review
Oh no, not another Voldemorts daughter story! lol.
I thought your story was alright. I was rather dissappointed though. I've been reading a lot of Regulus Black fics and, I must say, people do not portray the Blacks as very nice people. They all seem to be desperate pigs. haha.
There were parts where I droned off a bit. You have two differnet parts. Dialogue and Description. It's either one or the other. I would suggest mixing it up a bit. Add a couple paragraphs between some of the dialogue.
Other than that, it was a good first chapter. :)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Oh no, she's not Voldy's daughter ^^
And well, you can't really portray Blacks as nice, with exception of Sirius and Andromeda (and maybe Narcissa, and yeah, Regulus happened to be an okay guy in the end =] ), but I suppose they were nice to purebloods, it wouldn't make sense for them to be rude or sth like that to those who deserve their respect.
Thanks for the advice, I'll try to improve (after all, I began writing fanfiction to improve my English :D ). Report Review
It's Animic again! :)
I really liked this one! Such a cute sort of fairy tale. I really liked the whole Mermaid tears part. That was really creative.
Honestly, I have no criticism. lol. Sorry I couldn't make my review any longer. I really liked it! 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Oh good, I'm glad you like this fairy tale :) I have a soft spot for fairy tales myself and it's been really fun creating my own. Thanks for coming by to review and I hope you'll continue reading it when the update is posted! Report Review
Sorry it took so long. I got caught up in school and everything.
I really liked your story! I got sucked into it, seriously, it was amazing! It was so calm, the way you described the scenery and everything was amazing. I love your characterization of Minerva. Myself, personally, I would have made Minerva a bit more bossy or mean but maybe she wasn't ALWAYS like that.
Overall, I thought you wrote beautifully. You really should continue. I loved it! 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Hi there! Oh no problem at all, thanks for coming to review :) I appreciate it so much. I'm really glad you got sucked into the story, because I was afraid that it started off a bit too slow and people would be like, "Um okay where is she going with this..." So it's very kind of you to say that :D Well I never pictured McGonagall as bossy and mean, but I know what you're getting at - she's not as stern and uptight here as the older McGonagall is. But I like to think of her as a more carefree young woman :) Thank you so much! Report Review
How as this not gotten more reviews? Weird.
Hello! I want to thank you! I've been looking for forever for a darker character than the one I created. haha. I think, so far, it's an amazing story.
It does have some puncuation mistakes that could be corrected. They can be a bit distracting. Mostly it is just comma placement. Other than the comma's, it's your dialogue puncuation.
"This isn't right." Neville grounded out angrily.
"This isn't right," Neville grounded out angrily.
Whenever you have someone 'saying' something after a quote, there should be a comma before the quotation marks. If it was just "This isn't right." then you put a period.
I really liked this story though :) 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: I'm not sure, I think it's a good story, but I'm biased.
I know my writing is a little scattered,, but I think I'm gettign there slowly.
Hi! It's Animic!
Sorry, but this is as far as I go. I only go to five chapters and I've been thinking about lowering that. haha.
Another good chapter! I loved the discussion on death and how they were arguing over what happens when you die but she actually knows kinda. Irony. :P I love it.
I LOVED THIS CHAPTER!! lol. I want to marry Teddy! haha. (JK) It was so cute though! How he kissed her and that she sacrificed her hair (lol) for her friend. Such a dear. :) I love your characters Max and Zoey. Zoey was bein' a little sleezebag at the beginning though. lol. Oh well. :P
I'm sad to end this chapter though. :( Maybe you can request the other two chapters later? I gotsta give other ppl reviews though. haha.
I love your story! I think it's darling and that you have an amazing talent! I think you could turn this into a book. Seriously. Lengthen it a bit, of course, but it's really a cool idea. 10/10!
~AnimicAuthor's Response: XD Thank you so much. I'll request again later. XD I want to marry Teddy too =P Thank you so much! Wow, what a compliment. Thank you ♥ Report Review
Awh, this chapter was cute. Again, I loved her and Zoey talking. I'm really waiting for him to be like 'What's wrong with you?!' haha.
Again, no criticism. I know I'm probably being a drag here w/o telling you anything that could help you but I really don't think it's bad at all.
My favorite quote is when Teddy says that it would be worse if he did know them [his parents]. I think that is a very good quote. However, it's the opposite of how Harry felt. lol. It still made sense though.
I still really like your chapters! Really good ideas you've been having. I'm rooting for Max/Teddy. :D 10/10 (again)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thank you! =P She does seem pretty crazy, huh? XD I was thinking about that with Harry when I was reading the series. I always thought Harry should have taken that angle with his situation and now that Teddy is in the same pickle, I can make him think that way =P Thank you so much! Report Review
It's Animic again!
Again, I do like this story. I liked how you made the readers think she was going to pick Leon (I was beginning to think it was a nickname for Teddy and was like...what? That doesn't make sense) and then she goes and meets Teddy.
I thought the whole 'out of uniform' thing was pretty creative. Never seen it done before.
The only thing for this chapter is that there was a lot of dialogue but not bad. I absolutely LOVED how she kept talking to Zoey. Teddy's probably just like 'Ok...she's crazy' lol
I thought this chapter was really funny! 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad my little trickery worked. I wanted the reader to think she would pick Leon to distract from Teddy and make it more of a surprise. I was worried about the protest against the uniforms because I felt like it was cliche, but if you say you've never seen it before then that's good.
Thank you so much! Report Review
It's me again!
Another good chapter. I dunno why, but your description of Zoey reminds me of the outfits from the final fantasy games. lol. (I dunno if you've ever played those games but their outfits are...um...special. haha)
I love all the twists in this story! I love how her past love life memory will be erased and that she's been in a coma for longer than just a few hours. I think you're story keeps you on your toes. Honestly, it's brilliant.
There's a really good spacing between dialogue and description which is really good.
I can't think of any criticism. I really like it. You're an amazing writer and I'm totally jealous! Haha. 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thank you! I know what you mean about Final Fantasy (I love those games!) That wasn't my intention but if it gives you a more powerful image of her, more power to ya =P
Thank you! Aw, don't be jealous. I'm pretty lame >_ Report Review
Hello, It's Animic!
Sorry for the lack of reviewing for awhile. Easter is always hecktic with me and my teachers like to give me homework every single day. But, I'm here. :) That's the important thing. haha
I really like this story! I love how she's fighting with herself at the beginning on where she is and what happened and everything! I really like it.
I was really sad at what happened to your main character. :( I'm intrigued to find out why he would do that to her in the first place.
I loved Zoey, the Gatekeeper. I also love that name. lol
I really liked this story, honestly. No criticism. I loved it. 10/10
I also really liked the little ultimatum. It reminded me of Beauty and the Beast. :)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Hi! It's perfectly all right. I understand completely.
Thank you! I don't want to give away anything in my responses, but I can tell you that I have a juicy back story to what happened to her. It will come in a later chapter. Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it thus far ^_^ Report Review
Hello! It's me again. Miss me? haha
Haha, I'm not gonna repeat myself on the grammar thing (woops) lol. jk.
I actually did like this chapter. I liked the idea of Harry bonding with his family and stuff. I thought it was cute. Very cute.
One thing I will tell you. At the beginning, where they all said Diagon Alley like seven times, I didn't think you needed that. I think you could have shortened that up with something like 'One by one, they all screamed 'Diagon Alley' and they were all soon gone except for the potters' or something like that.
Other than that, I thought this was your best writing! I think you're getting more used to the characters and you're plot. You're warming up to it which is good.
10/10 for this one. I really did like it.
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thanks, I (Personaly) wouldn't use the word cute, but since you said it. I don't know. I took you advice on the Diagon Alley thing.
Thanks, I don't know if you'll like the next chapter though, I mean if you read it. Then again you might.
Thanks for the review,
Derex... Report Review
Animic here again!
Mostly, my criticisms are the same I've been saying. Grammar and Caps lock. There wasn't much caps lock, though. So, good. haha.
I'm sorry, but I did not like the whole changing the grades thing with the I. That's just me personally. :P I like to go with the original HP. And, the fact that Harry had two more siblings was kind of strange. (Again, just me. No offense to your story at all)
I did like the part about Harry drawing the short stick. lol. I loved that. :P
I did, however, like this chapter better than the rest. Less errors and things that bugged me. 10/10 :D
~AnimicAuthor's Response: I get that part about the 'I'. I just really needed the Trio to be someting along the lines of that power, so it could set up for the Sequal. Yeah, i thought I would give Ron something of a break. Considering he usualy is the one with the Short Stick.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
It's Animic! Yay!
Once again, MANY grammatical and spelling errors that you definetely would have to fix. They can be very distracting to a reader. Well, to me. haha
Also, I do not think that Dumbledore was really in character. I don't know what it was. It's just that Dumbledore is never much of a straight-forward character. He makes you wonder and repeat the words in your head trying to figure it out. I don't think he would just blurt out everything that was going on. He would leave you to wonder.
I'm not sure why everyone was screaming throughout this chapter. lol. Easy on the capslock. ;)
Other than that, it was alright. However, there's always room for improvement. If I sound tense or rude in this review, I'm sorry. haha. I don't mean to. I think you have an amazing idea for a plot, though. It's very intriguing. A bit off canon, but intriguing, nonetheless.
~AnimicAuthor's Response: I know, I'm working on getting a Beta. And I'm trying to fix them myself. I took you advice, sort of. Since I can't re-write the whole chapter. I just sort of added Something that would make them think.
The Sreaming part,(The Yelling part), I guess that was just how I would picture someone if they saw something like that happen. I don't know.
Don't worry you weren't rude.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
Hi, it's Animic from the forum.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of off-canon stories but that's just me. I don't like stories that re-word things that already happen and change them. So, no offense to your story, but it turned me off. Other people do though, lol. I mean no offense by that whatsoever. That doesn't mean it can't be done well.
Also, I really do recomend you get a Beta. You have tiny grammatical errors, many may be by accident, and then when you look through it again you may not see them. Readers will get dragged into your story but when they come across a grammatical error, it ruins the flow. You know?
I thought it was creative that you brought Black back and everything. Neat Idea.
I'm curious to see where you're going with this story. Good luck. :)
Sorry for the late reply. Easter weekend is always hecktic in my family. haha :P
~AnimicAuthor's Response: No offense taken. Thanks for reviewing, and i'll think about what you said. About the Beta.
Well thanks for reveiwing, hope you have a nice easter.
Derex Report Review
Hey, It's Animic!
Oh my god! I love you!! Haha. I have never read a Ron's perspective story but I definetely need to read more! The beginning was a little cliche and self-explanatory but you have Ron's character perfectly!
It's so amazing the way he thinks. It's exactly what I would imagine goes on in Ron's little world.
I LOVE the quote about cranky and pubescent. lol. Have you by chance seen the potterpuppetpals videos? I think you have. Wizard Angst says something about Harry feeling cranky and pubescent that day. haha.
I really liked your story. I was laughing outloud by the end. That's a good thing. :) haha
~AnimicAuthor's Response: And I love you ;)
Thanks a ton for the review, it made me very happy.
Yes, i love PPP.. so that's where pubscent and cranky came form.. hahah..it was just floating in my head [i watch PPPs over and over again!]
well thanks again!! Report Review
Hello, it's Animic!
I absolutely loved this story! I think it was short and too the point and leaves you wondering (in a goodway) what Scorpius did to her.
I think I may be the only one to say that I liked how short it was. It leaves you to wonder what happened and use your imagination and I liked that. Like I said, short and to the point.
I loved how you protrayed Rose and Scorpius and, yes, I also loved the 'Swish swish'
Really good! Loved it! Added it to my fav.s! 10/10!!
What can I say Erised? I love your stories. :)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thanks Animic! I wanted the reader to use their own imagination as to what exactly happened before the events of the story - I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hi, It's Animic from the forum!
I have never seen this idea for a story but it makes complete sense. Draco would mistreat Pansy like that. I think it's a very creative idea. I love stories based off songs.
I think you got Pansy's character good. She's a whiney girl who does kind of cling to Draco like that. However, Blaise seemed a bit too nice in this. I know J.K.R never really mentions Blaise much but if he were Draco's friend, don't you think he'd be just as bad? You could still have him feel sorry for Pansy but you could make him have worse thoughts on Draco. They are slytherins, after all. They aren't the nicest of the bunch and I believe you could have shown that better.
Plus, there was a lot of dialogue, but for where you were going, you needed that.
Overall, I liked it. I liked how he was imagining how it would go if he acted differently. I thought that was creativie. I really liked it. I'll give it a 9/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it ^_^ Report Review
Haha, It's Animic!
I thought this chapter was quite funny. lol. I love the whole bird falling into her head deal. I thought that was very original. Very strange that it actually happened to one of your friends. Tell them, I'm sorry. haha
I loved the description of the Quidditch game back and the day.
Overall, I thought it was a very well done chapter. 10/10
-Sorry for the short review-
~AnimicAuthor's Response: ahah, thanks, I'll tell her! It was kind of hard to write the Quidditch game scene, so good to know that it worked out. No problem, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
It's Animic from the review forum!
I really liked this story! I thought it was full of description and her thoughts. Sometimes I just hate dialogue when there's too much but you didn't put too much in at all! I enjoyed that very much.
Also, I believe you have a wonderful way with words in which I am suddenly extremely jealous of. Haha. I really can't explain it but your sentences flow very nicely and are almost always attached with a rather intelligent word. It's always fun to read stories written by smart authors. :D
Haha, I loved the ending. I love how she absolutely hates quidditch and gets assigned to being a sports editor. Lol. Good stuff. :P I also liked how Remus and Lily were complaining about their prefect duties. :P
I never would have expected Rita Skeeter to be in Hufflepuff. I would have guessed Ravenclaw or Slytherin but I'm not positive that J.K.Rowling every says what she was in so I can't complain. :P
Overall, amazing! 10/10
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Whoa, thanks for the great review! It means a lot to me that you think I have a wonderful way with words (don't be jealous, you do too!). I wanted to paint a vivid picture of Hogwarts for the reader.
Wait until you see Leah actually writing about the Quidditch games! It'll be absolute torture for her, haha. I don't really see Rita as a Slytherin... I dunno, I guess I saw a Zacharias Smith vibe or something. Report Review
Animic again! :)
I really liked this chapter. I thought it was cute. You're getting much better at your characterization with the Maraurders and I absolutely LOVE Lyla. I always picture her as Luna for some reason. Haha. I dunno why.
I LOVED the little conversation Sirius had with himself. I thought it was simply hilarious. :) Very entertaining.
I really don't have any criticism on this one. You've been doing much better. And Peter is finally talking more. :) haha.
~AnimicAuthor's Response: I'm really glad you mentioned Sirius' 'inner monolgue' because I liked it but i wasn't sure if a reader would, but you did so woop! =]
Peter will be appearing more aswell now, because I'm going to be making a conscious effort not to forget him.
Thanks again for your great reviews.
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