Reading Reviews From Member: Yoshi_Kitten
  
158 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: A Night of Discoveries

5th September 2014:
Oh, how I have missed this story these past few days!! You are too cruel for that ending, lol! Thank goodness the next chapter is up already and I don't have to wait!! I may or may not have read ahead already, lol. What?? The suspence was killing me. I simply just HAD to keep reading!!! But look, I came back to do this, so we're good, lol!! =P

First of all, Al's Divination homework at the beginning of the chapter was absolutely hilarious!! "Cawing baboons in Muggle superhero outfits"!?! OMG, where do you come up with these things at?? This story cracks me up SO much sometimes, haha!! Seriously, it's been a rough week here, as you know, and it's just so nice to come home after a long day and sit down to read some humorous HPFF. You, Em, make it so!! Thank for putting a smile on my face! :D

I love Annette's conversations with the guys throughout this story. She has really come out of her shell a lot now, and I like this new side of her. I also thoroughly enjoyed that small little bit of Scorpius/Rose action there, haha!! Honestly, the two of them should just get over themselves and go to Diwali TOGETHER!! Why must they torment themselves (and the rest of us) by hiding their feelings for one another all the bloody time!?!? At least let them have one dance together or SOMETHING, lol!!!

I enjoyed the back story you provided here with Mrs. Norris also. That was cool for Annett to help heal her. It really shows the bond you have created between the two of them rather well. Although, again, I feel like that segment would have been the perfect place for you to slip in something about how the magic in the castle effects her age, thus describing how she is still living after all these years. But that is probly just me being too nit-picky again, lol. Feel free to slap me on the wrist if I am over-analyzing things again! XD

So she is sneaking out into the Forbidden Forest. Oh dear, I had a bad feeling that something was about to go down the moment she went in there, lol! That poor Centaur though, I hope he's ok! So Annett is going to try and cure him; and she also helped to cure Mrs. Norris. Hmm... Perhaps she should consider becoming a vet of sorts for magical creatures, lol. She's so smart that she could do pretty much anything she wants to tho. But personally, I wanna see her do something more to branch out into the world of Alchemy more after Hogwarts. That way she can come back in a few years and rub it into that uppity teacher's face, haha!!! ;)

Quick question... Who is Madam Longbottom?? And can Annett talk to any animal when she is in her Animagus form? If so, how is this possible? I think there needs to be a bit more explanation on this...

OMG. I. HATE. SPIDERS! They are seriously THE scariest creatures on this whole entire planet!! Run Annett, RUN!!! ScheiBe is right, lol!!! I must read on... See you in the next chapter!! Your writing is Brilliant, Em, and it continues to improve. Keep up the great work!! (:

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! I've missed you!

Read to your heart's content. I cannot complain. :D I'm quite guilty of doing the same to your story. :P You might've seen my agitated reviews.

Anyway, I'm glad I could provide you with some laughter and our a smile on your face! That is my intention and it is an honour for me to be able to do that with this chapter for you. I hope your days get less rough. :)

I understand your frustration with Rose and Scorpius, so does Annett. You'll have to come back to see how it all progresses, though. ;)

No it's not overly picky! Your ideas are so brilliant that I actually utilise it to optimise this chapter. :) so thank you so much for pointing that one out!

Interesting theories. What does Annett end up doing with her life anyway? She knows, I know, you'll have to read on ;) (I'm writing chapter 25 and, admittedly, I still haven't mentioned it).

Madam Longbottom took overt Madam Pomfrey's job as matron. She's Neville's wife. I added this to my edit too. :D as well as the being able to communicate with the centaur part.

In his Animagus form, Sirius could communicate with Crookshanks. I figured that, in that case, Annett should be able to communicate with the centaur. Because the centaur is very in touch with all kinds of living organisms apart from humans. It's not very clear how, but Annett is also confused about that.

See you in he next chapter! I can't wait to war your thoughts on that one. I really hope it brings more smiles. :D

Thank you for your mind words, Deana. You are amazing. I really appreciate all your reviews. I always love reading them.

Cheers. :D


 Report Review

Review #27, by Yoshi_KittenDaydreaming: Daydreaming

4th September 2014:
Hey there, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, FINALLY here to return the favor from our review-swap!! So sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you on this. RL has been so chaotic this week. =/

Anyway, I am glad to finally have a moment to sit down and read this lovely little one-shot tonight! The first thing I noticed was Draco's reference to when Hermione had punched him in their 3rd year. This made me laugh - in a good way. It's funny to see that that action still has an effect on him, all these years later, and I feel like having this in the very beginning of the story sets the overall tone of things rather well. I also like how you made reference to this again in the middle, right before he leans in to kiss her. ;)

I love the attention to detail that you gave to describing Hermione's looks here. And going back to how Krum had even watched her from afar in their 4th year was very effective. I also enjoyed how you described her various facial expressions while she was reading. This show the reader just how close of attention he is paying to her in that moment.

Your language throughout this piece is very beautiful as well. You were only allowed 1,000 words for the challenge, which I know from experience how difficult this is, lol! But I feel like you chose each word here with careful care and precision. The writing here is just so good, and it really shows how much time and effort you put into this. The following are just a few of my favorite lines:

- The way the sun shone through the window behind her, framing her in its golden light.
- She held her ground but her cool exterior was clearly rankled by his nearness.
- At the sound of his name on her lips, he crashed his mouth with hers, unable to hold back any longer.

Writing the more passionate love scenes like this has always been a bit of a weakness of mine, I confess. And sometimes you can tell when a writer (such as myself) is uncomfortable with the 'Romance' genre because it tends to not flow well, and it just comes off as awkward sometimes, lol. I did NOT experience any of that with this story, however. Honestly, the romance part in this was SO passionate and just absolutely perfect in every single way! It wasn't too over the top, or lacking in detail, it was VERY well done!! You must teach me how to this, haha!! =P

Honestly, I am not a Dramione shipper, in any way. But I'll admit that I was kind of sad to see that he was just "daydreaming" about her, lol! I kind of figured that's where you were going with it, but I found myself wishing for the two of them that had been was real. And that's saying something, haha! UGH!! I just wish that he didn't have to go and call her a Mudblood at the end there. Grrr. Draco is such a git sometimes. But you have captured his character SO well tho in this, so yay! I loved him running off at the end, thinking that he needed to go and have his head checked. Classic Draco, lol!!

This was very, very good!!! I have read a few of your stories on here now, and you certainly do seem to be improving with each new thing that you write!! I cannot wait to make you a beautiful banner for this story now. I am feeling so inspired at the moment, lol! Good luck in the challenge, yourself dear. I honestly do feel like you stand a pretty good chance at placing with this. It was SO good!! *fingerscrossed* =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Before I even start replying can I just say "Wow." I honestly don't think I've ever received a review this long before in my life. I tried to make yours a long one, but you just killed me by making your like three times longer, lol. It's good though, considering all the other reviews I've gotten for this story have basically been one-liners, so I'm very glad to have something substantial to respond to.

Okay, first off... I think the time Hermione punched Draco will always still have an effect on him. So it had to be included, because it's funny and because it does help set the tone. I was a little wary of describing Hermione's looks in too much detail, but I loved being able to put in the bit about all the expressions she gets when she reads. I feel like most readers have crazy expressions or exclamations they make when big things happen in the books their reading, or maybe that's just me, I don't know. I'd considered cutting the bit about Krum but chose to keep him in there anyway, using it to set up his description of her reading.

It was really hard getting this story down to 1000 words. Like I said, I had to cut all the background story, which I guess wasn't really necessary to begin with, it seemed to work out just fine without it. But I scoured every sentence a few times to keep cutting it down. Deleting full sentences/paragraphs; attempting to reword sentences to lower the word count, and then rewriting it with the same exact amount of words; rewriting sentences just to change them back because it didn't sound right. And then at one point I'd cut too much and had to go back and re-add some things in. Ugh, it was super frustrating. But I'm pretty pleased with the result. I do also really like the three sentences you mention, especially the second one.

Haha, I'm glad you thought the romance scene flowed well. I've written quite a few of those in my day, but it's been a while so... I guess I'm glad I haven't lost my touch, lol. I try my best to make it work. When it comes to scenes like these, you do have to include a fair amount of detail (one thing I've learned that you should always remember, and not just with the romance, is where your characters' hands are, or else it can seem like your character has more than just two), but you don't have to pay attention to EVERY detail, because in real life situations like that, you're not paying attention to every little detail because you're caught up in the moment. I could try, but I don't know if I can teach you how to write romance scenes. It's kinda something you gotta figure out from experience, or trashy romance novels, and practice until you are comfortable. Plus you have to stay within the rules of the archives. I could have kept this scene going but I was specifically trying to keep it 15+ and within the 1000 words.

I AM a Dramonie shipper, so I was very sad to make it all a daydream. It was not in my original plan, but I really didn't know how to end this story on a happier note (as much as I wanted to). I didn't want to just write a make out scene, there had to be a little more substance to it. But I tried to be as sneaky about it as possible, I didn't want it to be obvious he was daydreaming until the very end. I didn't like including the Mudblood bit either, but using the term is part of his character, as is being a git. I really liked the end, too, though. I had to end it with a funny!

Thank you so much for this super long review. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm so glad to have someone new reading my stories. I know they're not all the best, but they're mine and I'm trying to improve. I wasn't sure how I felt about them when I first started writing them, but I really enjoy writing one-shots. And once it's done, it's done, and you don't have that pressure to continue writing for it, unless you want to make a sequel or something like that. And I can't wait to see the banner you make for this! I'm sure it will be awesome.

xxNix


 Report Review

Review #28, by Yoshi_KittenJigsaw: Piece #1

3rd September 2014:
RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our Review-Swap!! I'm gonna be reviewing as I read, so here we go...

Okay, so I love the title of this, and naming the chapters Piece #_ to coordinate with the 'Jigsaw' theme is such a brilliant idea! I really liked the beginning of this so far too. Already, you are raising so many questions on my head! Like who is this mystery man, and who is putting him under the Imperius Curse? Your attention to detail, especially with the teapot, was just so spectacular!! You really know how to set the mood and grab the reader's attention, that's for sure! :)

Personally, I love reading about characters in the journalism career. The way you described the activity going on inside the Daily Prophet was so detailed. I like how you have introduced this Violet Toots character and compared her to Rita Skeeter. She really seems.. unlikable tho, which I'm sure was your intention. Almost like she's just one of those girls who have always had everything handed to her, you know? Or at least, that's the impression that I got anyways. Here and this Miranda character both seem to be this way from my observations... It's sad that Roxanne is not as well known as I'm sure she deserves to be. I cannot wait to see how you have her making a name for herself throughout this novel. You have done a great job explaining on how she is the low-man-on-the-totem-pole for right now, the poor thing. I love all the details you have added in; like the was she comments on how Violet is on a first-name basis with the boss, and how Miranda started around the same time as her yet still got the big promotion over her. Roxanne seems like a very hard worker, and she's clearly dedicated to her job, so I feel like she deserves some recognition. Hopefully she gets some soon!

One thing I noticed, and I'm not sure if you meant to do this or not, but in your dialogue you are using [' '] marks instead of the proper quotation marks [" "] to show where they are talking. Its not too difficult to read tho, so its no big deal. I just wasnt sure if you were aware of this. If you did do that intentionally tho, feel free to just ignore me, lol. ^_^'

Also, I think part of the sentence may have gotten cut out in this section here:
The phones - as old fashioned as they are - have been a bigprophet announced a few years ago that they were going to be investing in the new technology made by Conjuring Communications, everyone was excited by the free phone that we got.
Not sure if that was supposed to be two sentences or not, but it looks like there are a few words missing. Sometimes the editor cuts sections of my sentences out too, whenever I copy+paste stuff over from my word processor to HPFF. I really hat it when this happens, lol... That being said, however, I got the meaning behind that paragraph there and I really like it a lot!! The name "Conjuring Communications" is such a good idea, and it is lovely to see that the Wizarding world is finally catching up to us, haha! =P

I liked them joking around about the exploding teapots possibly being connected to her father's joke shop. That really was funny to think about, especially when she made the 'exploding crockery line' comment... I still can't help but to wonder if this has anything to do with the teapot scene we read in the beginning? Are these two events connected in some way? Will this be the tie-in that Roxanne needs for her big break? I guess I will just have to read on to find out, lol!

Wow, you are so good at coming up with such original ideas and names for all these new and exciting places in the Wizarding world!! I really like the Green Grindylow; the idea, the name, everything! I like your description of the place too, and how it is set apart from the typical norm of places that we see characters hanging out at. I like how her and her friends are regulars there, and are on good terms with the manager. It just gives off this happy vibe and gives that section of the chapter a more warm feeling that the sections we read before. I like her friend Jane. You write them both so naturally in the way they interact. You can definitely tell that they have been such great friends since their first year of Hogwarts.

So who is Daniel? I am assuming that he is her Ex. But I can't help but wonder what happened between the two of them, and why was it so bad that it caused conflicts between here and her brother. Gah! SOO many questions! You have set this mystery up quite well. I love your characterization of Roxanne, she's got an interesting backstory and clearly things are not all working in her favor at all. She has layers, and depth, and this makes her very fun and exciting to read about. She is not Mary-Sue in any way shape of form that I can see. ALL your characters thus far are great, honestly!

The ending of the chapter was so gripping. I think I was holding my breath there for a minute when it came across the phone that her boss was calling her! (Seriously, the phone thing is brilliant, btw.) But YAY she has her first story!! Good for her, for now. But why do I get the feeling that this is not about to be anything she expects it to be after all? Honestly, if unforgivable curses are being used again, the person behind all this cannot be up to any good. Your plot here is already so fantastic!! I still can't believe that this is only the 1st chapter! Everything in this was just perfect and yo have set up what is to come so well!! I am definitely going to read more, and add this story to my favorites now. Thank you so much for the swap!!

100/10 - Seriously, your writing is amazing!
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana! It's taken me a shamefully long time to respond to this review - I've been caught up with all sorts going on in life, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it! This really made my day, as did the fact you nominated this story for a Dobby!

The chapter titles were inspired by comments some other friends made, so I'm glad you like them - I think they fit really well, as the picture gets gradually built up through the story! I'm pleased you thought that I set the mood well, and already raised questions in your mind with the first few paragraphs!

Journalism is such an interesting background to work from and I thought it was a good role for Roxy to be in to get to investigate this mystery that's going to unfold! There are some quite complex relationships and dynamics at play in the Prophet offices, and Violet is certainly part of that. I'd be interested to know what you thought of her in later chapters, especially when Miranda comes on the scene!

Ah, yep - that is intentional, but thanks for pointing it out. I think it's a UK/US thing - most published books here use single quotation marks for speech, and I decided to go for that too :)

And that typo! I've fixed it now, I didn't even realise it was there so thank you very much for spotting that! Silly copy and paste...

Haha I think it's safe for me to tell you that they're not connected, but I love the fact that you're picking up on little details like that and considering how they might be linked, that makes me so happy! And I'm pleased you liked that line, too!

There are quite a few places already in the wizarding world, but it's so fun to come up with new ones and set a new scene because we surely can't have heard of them all in the books! The Grindylow is a cool place, and the manager's nice too. Jane's awesome, she's honestly one of my favourite characters in this story, although it may take a while for her to come into her own. I'm glad you could tell the fact that they've been great friends for so long because of how naturally they interact.

Daniel... another mystery ;) If you've read on, you'll have seen some more of him already, but in the next chapter (5) that I'm posting you'll find out what happened! And I'm SO happy that you like Roxy! Writing her is so much fun, and the fact she doesn't seem one-dimensional makes me incredibly happy, I can't stop smiling.

Aha, the mystery! She finally gets her first story and I'm really excited for how things are going to unfold from here, although obviously I can't give away too much detail about it! *flails* thank you for this incredible review, and sorry it took me so long to respond, but you made my day with it!


 Report Review

Review #29, by Yoshi_KittenWake up, Rose.: It's Kind of a Funny Story.

2nd September 2014:
And I'm back again for chapter 2!! =)

Okay, you got me. I seriously thought that she was waking up in Scorpius' bed in the beginning, but I was surprised to see that she was actually in the hospital wing instead! Oh dear, poor Rose! I'm glad that she is okay. The idea that love potions and alcohol do not mix is extremely believable. I just can't believe that Albus and Dominique would try such a thing!! Surely they must have suspected that it would have side-effects?

Rose's reaction was very well done, and totally justified. I don't think that she was overreacting at all. I know I'd be pretty furious if any of my immediate family nearly poisoned me to death; accident or not! And I loved it when she called Al by his full name. That was such a great way to add a little humor into an otherwise pretty serious situation.

In a way, I think it's best that Rose does not remember everything that happened between her and Scorpius while she was, erm, under the influence. The knowledge of this would probly be devastating, to say the lease. But, at the same time, I feel like a secret this big is going to have to come out sooner or later. I am just wondering now when and how she will find out the truth. However you so chose to reveal this, I'm sure it'll be a good read. I can't wait for that chapter to come out, lol!! ;)

I like how Liz placed a bet on the fact that the two of the would be together by the end of the year. That was like my favorite part of this whole thing! I really love all three of her friends, and how naturally they all get along together. This was, like, seriously one of my favorite lines though:
"Good, I'll use my earnings to pay for your first 'I heart Scorpius Malfoy' tattoo," she says jokingly.

Okay, so you asked me to specify if there was anything I seen that didn't quite work for me and, well, there was really only one tiny thing. I just feel like Scorpius' confession was a bit too... sudden. I mean, I get the sentiment and all. He was worried about her because he thought she was going to die. But I feel like there should have been a bit more dialogue leading up to it, that way it would flow better. Sorry if this seems overly critical. Honestly, there really is nothing else to critique besides that one small detail though. Your writing is SO good, Joey! =)

I just love how versatile you are as an author. And you are really good at writing the female mind too, lol. I'm kinda sad that this is the last thing left I have to review for you! You need to write more soon, PLEASE!! Is there an update for this story in the near future? I certainly do hope so!! This story is really good, Joey, and I hope that you plan to continue it asap!! Please let me know as soon as a new chapter goes up, cuz I would very much like to come back and read it. I shall read everything that you write from now on, haha!! =p

And again, Happy Birthday!! I hope you have had a good one, Joey!! Thanks so much for review-swapping with me. This has been SO MUCH fun!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: I'm glad that I keep getting people with that little bit of trickery! Al and Dom really did not think their little plan over and probably would have known the effects of alcohol on love potions if they had paid attention in potions class! I definitely intended to make Rose reasonably mad here. I'm not sure what other way there would be to deal with that kind of thing. Especially considering how close they were. And I do end up inserting humor into practically everything I write. I do it by accident sometimes because I tend to joke around a lot inside of my head and it shows when I write without consciously trying to make everything bleak.

Yes, Rose still does not know the exact details of what went down with Scorpius and that's for everyone else's safety. I almost think she'd rather not know.

Her friends really give this fic a bit more light conversation haha. It'd be quite tense throughout the entire thing if they didn't exist, I think. I'm glad you like my little jokes!

I know that I need to fix that conversation up a bit. I've had more experience with nuanced back and forth since I wrote this so I think I'll be able to edit it up a bit and then start on moving forward with this. It doesn't seem overly critical at all, that's basically exactly what I wanted to hear!

Thank you for the comment on versatility! I do hope I can write more than one style convincingly. And it helps that I have so much respect for the female mind. And not only the stereotypical image of what that is, but the extremely varied and worthwhile thoughts of all females that some people forget about when complimenting women on their looks. BUT, this isn't the place for a political rant I don't think! I can't believe that you have reviewed everything I have up on the site! That's so amazing that you'd take the time, wow. I am going to come back as soon as I can! I hope it is in the near future as well. I don't think you understand how grateful I am for you wanting to read everything that I write. That's such a high honor, really.

And thank you SO much for the birthday wishes. They meant so much to me and you have really made me so happy today, once again! Thank you again and again!!


 Report Review

Review #30, by Yoshi_KittenWake up, Rose.: Wake up.

2nd September 2014:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOEY!!! *throws confetti* I am here to leave you some Birthday Reviews!! =D

Honestly, I don't understand why you don't like this story?!? I loved it. I mean, it did feel a bit rushed there towards the end, but with everything that was happening it was totally understandable. I like the voice that you have given Rose here, her attitude is different than the typical fanfic norm. I like that she starts off hating him in the beginning,and I think it will be interesting to read how you plan to alter her opinions of him as this story progresses. Rose reminds me more of Ron in this story, which is a nice take on things, considering that most people write her to be more like Hermione. You should not be so hard on yourself, dear. You are such a terrific writer, and this is amazing for being you first fic in three years!! (:

Your characterization of everyone else was spot on too. I really like how you took time to name off all the Weasley & Potter kids, and provide each of their ages as well. You seem to have everyone spaced out pretty evenly, and I feel like this is the way that it should be. Oh, and I liked the mentioning of Lorcan & Lysander too!! Will we be seeing more of them in this fic? You really do have such a good a grasp on all of these characters, and I cannot wait to get to know them more as time goes on. They all seem to get along so naturally, and you can tell that they are a very close-nit family. It's funny how concerned they all are for her to get a guy tho, lol! =P

Your OC's Demi, Liz, and Happy are all awesome too. I think that Happy is my favorite tho, lol! They all get along so well with Rose, and you can tell that they seem to have her best interests at heart. It's good for Rose to have such close friends outside of her immediate family. That being said, however, I think my favorite person in this is Al. He is usually my most favorite in all NextGen fics, and this time was no different. I really like that you decided to put him in Slytherin with Scorpius. I cannot help but wonder what he was up to when he handed Rose that special bottle of Firewhisky though. He was acting awfully suspicious. Was there something in it?

And OMG, that ending!! You described everything so perfectly. It wasn't too over the top or too little. It was just... perfect. Gah! I wish that I could write passionate love scenes like this, lol! I am jealous of your mad-skillz, man. Very jealous indeed, haha!! And now I must know what happens when they wake up! What a wonderful first chapter this was! You have definitely captured my interest. I am going to have to read more now!! ;)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Thank you for the birthday wishes!! I suppose it just isn't 'literary' enough for me. I hold my own work a very, very high standard that isn't always easy to reach. I wanted to avoid making Rose your typical teenage character. I really like writing out of the ordinary characters. Rose is a lot more like Ron in this story, at least in temperament. Thank you for that! I was so nervous putting it up after all of this time, especially with so many I knew on the site before no longer here.

I decided that this story was a good of a time as any to get my official headcanons for the Weasley/Potter family in order, at least in terms of age. Lorcan and Lysander will actually show up in this fic, yes. I like to include them sometimes. I'm glad that I write the characters interactions well! Their determination to get her a guy leads to some conflict of course, as you have now read haha.

I wanted Rose to have some friends outside of her family as well, so I spent a lot of time developing her dormmates in my mind. And Happy is secretly my favorite as well! I am a gigantic Al fan and I just love messing with his character a bit. The answer to the question about the bottle is now known to you. I wonder if you guessed what it was!
I'm glad the ending was good! I was kind of nervous to write that honestly. I have never ever written anything like it at all. Thank you for this amazing review, yet again. You're just so good at making my day!


 Report Review

Review #31, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exploring Hormonal Minds

1st September 2014:
This chapter made my day. Literally!! This is now my most favorite one in the whole entire story so far. OMG, some Annett/Albus action... FINALLY!!! But I'm getting ahead of myself here, haha!! ^_^'

I really like the scene in the beginning, when Annett was tutoring Carter. It amuses me that he gets such good grades, yet he still goes to her for tutoring because he wants to learn it HER way. She should feel so proud, haha!! I see they are still tormenting Yang, lol! How long has it been since the prank took place again? Did they not get caught or something? I was expecting to see some sort or repercussions for their actions here. I find it difficult to believe that the teachers haven't heard anything about this yet... Unless Yang has not yet spoken up and gone to anyone about it yet. Which, if that's the case, makes me KIND OF like him a LITTLE bit for not being a nark, lol. But I digress... Will the teachers ever find out what they did tho? I am still curious about this...

"Bonding is an intimate relationship between atoms. It involves only the outer most shell of electrons, the valence electrons. The higher the bond order, the more electrons involved, and the closer the atoms. Do human relationships work the same way?"
- ROTFL!!! OMG, I think I just died. This is so hilarious!! I absolutely adore the way her braniac little mind works sometimes, haha!!! =D

I like the idea of Hogwarts having a mini Diwali party, but I feel like this needs a bit more explanation as to how this came into being. You say that the 'Thomas-Finnegan' family started the first one, and I assume that you are referring to the children of Dean Thomas & Seamus Finnegan. But isn't Diwali a Hindu tradition? So I confess that this kind of confused me, sorry. You may want to consider giving more explanation of what Diwali means to this story tho, cuz right now it just sortta seems to be missing... something. Idk what tho, but that section did feel a bit rushed. =/

That being said, however, who freaking cares?!? All that truly matters right now is that there is a party at Hogwarts and Al just asked Annett to go with him!!! EEK!!! I loved every second of that whole entire conversation that lead up to him asking her to go out. Them talking about how they enjoyed each others company was just the sweetest thing ever!! And I love the way they joke around with one another too, especially when she started talking about James and how hot he was, and then started talking about "the younger Potter" lol!! And when Al said: "Oooh, guuurl. You nasty." I laughed SO hard, haha!!! I just love the way that flirty little conversation went so much!! It was perfect. Best part of this story so far, for sure. Honestly, you know that I have secretly shipped Annett/Albus from chapter 1. And now I am SO HAPPY to finally see them dong stuff together, even if it is "just as friends" for right now. Go Lily for trying to set them up more by making them dance together, haha!!

Ok, so how does Annett know Draco? That was random, lol. Will this be important later on, or was it just something that was mentioned in passing? Would be nice if Draco made a random appearance in this fic. You already know how much I loves me some Draco, lol!! ;)

*squee!!* OMG, the ending of this chapter was so amazing!! He winked at her. He freaking WINKED at her, haha!! I love it. YAY!!! ;)

100/10 (Best chapter ever!)
~Deana~

Author's Response: I have this raging impulse to give you a virtual hug because of your sheer awesomeness!

Thank you, Deana! Your reviews are of a level of enthusiasm so great that it makes my day. :D

I can't wait for you to read ch. 13! And I'm being very misleading right now! But I just wanted to express that to you.

Seamus and Dean both married the Patils in this story. I cut that out during one of my edits and neglected to bring it up in a chapter of relevance! Yikes!

I will fix that too! Thank you!

I'm glad I could provide with reason for laughter! I had fun writing that bit!

Not so secretly, you mean. ;) lol.

Not as random as one might expect. I plan to reveal that very slowly and sutbly. See if you can guess. :) I know you low your Draco and, honestly, I love him too.

Can't wait for your thoughts on the next chapter! And the one after and the one after that. I love hearing from you!

[happy dance because you want think this chapter deserves a 100 and a 'best chapter ever]

I am so happy right now. Thank you! :D


 Report Review

Review #32, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Satisfying Humiliation

1st September 2014:
Hello again, I'm back for more!! Sorry I've been gone the past couple days.

Okay, so for starters, Annett looks pretty boss for her not-date with Yang!! (Or the picture I have of her in my mind right now is pretty epic, at least, lol.) I like the way you took the time here to describe her clothes and makeup, as it enabled me to visualize her appearance more accurately in my head. She has not spent too much time talking about herself (looks-wise anyway) throughout this story thus far, so it was nice to actually get to see Annett for a change; if that makes any sense. I particularly liked her impromptu tattoo. That was a very nice touch, haha!! ;)

Yay, the moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived!! OMGosh, that prank was EPIC!!! A little on the mean side, but Yang deserved it. He|| hath no furry like a Wotter scorned, haha!! I feel like this is one that Hogwarts students will be talking about for years to come. How did you come up with all of that? Everything was so coordinated and well thought out and organized. I was very impressed! Honestly, it's a miracle that James does not suspect her of being the Incog. Imp yet, lol. You'd think by now he'd catch on. ;)

Oh dear, I have a bad feeling that McGonagall is NOT going to find this prank all very funny at all tho, lol. I hope that they don't all get into too much trouble for doing this. I can see detentions coming already, and they might even end up getting their Hogsmeade visits taken away! GAH!! I am so nervous for them right now. I must know what happens... See you in the next chapter. :)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! It's a review from Deana! *squeee!

She is meant to look pretty boss! Excellent observation! It has taken this long to describe Annett because, as you may have figured out, unless it provides some relavanve to the situation, she doesn't really care to think about physical appearances. That's just who she is.

I'm overjoyed how much you enjoyed that prank! It took a while for it to all come together. How did I come up with it? I'm rather devious myself. In mind as opposed to in practice. What? I'm not a Slytherin for nothing. :P

They are all pretty devious, aren't they? Given the size of the group, it makes it harder for him to catch on.

Oh no! Deana! I forgot to mention! Gahh! Rules of betting says that any one who mentions this gets cut out of their wins, if they won. Or if they lost, won't get their secrecy deposit of a couple galleons back. Also Yang won't mention it because it embarrasses him and he likes to keep his reputation intact.

Will add now that you've pointed that out to me! Thank you so much! You are so amazingly helpful! I always love reading your reviews!

Cheers!


 Report Review

Review #33, by Yoshi_KittenOut of order: Bad Guy

31st August 2014:
Hello, back again!! =)

Wow, this was such a cool take on Mundungus' character. You captured his inner-voice quite well, I thought, and I liked how you kept him pretty close to what we know of him in Cannon also. I love one-shots like these that give up little glimpses into the more minor characters of the world of Harry Potter. I have never, ever, read anything Mundungus-centered before, so this was neat! Honestly, Joey, like ALL of your story ideas are SO original!! ;)

And you made me feel something ...for Mundungus Fletcher... of ALL people!!! HOW did that happen?? (Lol!!) =P

This was seriously brilliant! I really love the opening line, where he talks about how he is "no bad guy." And truthfully; he's right. Dung wasn't in league with the Death Eaters, he didn't go off and become a snatcher; he was genuinely trying to be helpful to the Order, in the best ways that he know how. You have given his character a whole lot of insight here, and have really made me stop to think... You know, if Umbridge wouldn't have taken the locket when she did, I feel like these snatchers could have gotten ahold of it. If that were to happen, then it could've possibly ended up back in the hands of Lord Voldemort, and that would NOT have been good!! So, in a way, he did a very good thing letting it go free to her – even tho Umbridge is a TOAD!! You did a great job with her character here tho. (:

Again, your attention to detail is amazing! You seem to give every one of your characters a strong voice/personality in everything you write! I totally found myself reading this in Mundungus, and then Umbridge's voice, as each of them spoke. You write dialogue really well, and the conversations between your characters always seem to flow so effortlessly!! This was another really great story, Joey!! I can't believe you did this in JUST 2 HOURS! :0

Thanks again for the swap!! I'm about to crash for the night – been a looong day today! But let's totally do this again some time SOON, okay? I wanna check out your NextGen fic. It'll be really interesting to see your take on a Romance/Humor fic after reading all this Dark/Angsty stuff now, haha!! =)

50/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana!

I'm finally getting around to replying to this amazing review. In order to write Mundungus I honestly just said everything I was writing out loud like a stereotypical mob boss in a gangster film. For some reason that accent reminds me of his. And if it weren't for the UnCharismatic character challenge I never would have written this to be honest, but I'm so happy that I was able to make it into an original concept.

Dung is surely firmly on the side of the good guys and I felt he gets a much worse rep than he deserves. I'm not sure if everything about his past was true to canon, but I do know that he never betrayed the Order and that he doesn't deserve to be hated, per-say.

Your comments about my attention to detail are much appreciated. I did some research about their speech patterns since they are canon characters and it's good to know I kept them in character! And yes, I finished this up in just about two hours because I was on the verge of dropping out of the challenge and then very suddenly got rid of my writers block and knew I had very little time to get it through the queue.

Thank you so much for the swap!! This was so great :D


 Report Review

Review #34, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Springtime

31st August 2014:
Okay, I just cried reading this. I had to put it down and way away for a few and then come back to it... I'm having one of those weird, coincidence moments right now. You see; a family friend of ours just died of a heart attack yesterday. My mom & him were really close, so we spent the whole day today out at their house, partying and having a great time with the family, celebrating Gaboo's life... And then I come home, log onto the forums, and spot your swap request. I come here to read and THIS is what I get: a story about death and funerals, lol. Given all that, this chapter really resonated with me just now. I can absolutely relate to the loneliness and abandonment that Teddy was feeling in that moment when he was at his parent's grave... It gave me chills! And then at the end, when she went so peacefully. It was beautiful, to say the least, and I was really moved by it... That's just one of those weird coincidences life has a habit of throwing at you some times, you know? ^_^; (And I sweat to you that I am NOT making this up.)

Okay, so my theories from the last review were WAY off, lol! Idk why, but for some reason I was thinking that there were going to be a lot more than three chapters to this when I started reading. Honestly, I'm sad that this was the last chapter. I think I am really gonna miss your emo Teddy, and Amy as well. I liked her character a lot in this tho. I really admire her courage and the strength she showed throughout this whole thing. She was quirky, and a perfect soul-mate for Teddy Lupin in this story. I wish they could have had more time together tho. I'm glad she was real tho, and not a figment of his imagination. But I really wanted them to get their happy ending! *cries* :'(

Your writing style is so unique, Joey. (Yeah, I may or may not have stalked your MTA page when I got done reading this story, lol. I see you like being on a 1st-name basis tho; so hi: I'm Deana!!) Anyway, I love your attention to detail when you are writing your setting descriptions. The opening paragraph for this chapter was so well-written! I love the way you painted such a perfect atmosphere of a November day with your words there. Well done!! Thanks again for the swap. I've had such a long day today, but this story has really comforted me. It was nice to come home, sit back and just chill with a good fic to read. This is exactly what I needed tonight, so THANK YOU!! Not just for review-swapping with me; but for writing such a daring, bold, and deeply unique story to even begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed reading every second of this! And I really do hope that you win that challenge, Joey. You totally deserve it, so best of luck!! =)

100/10 (We should totally do this again some time... SOON, haha!!)
~Deana~

Oh, and by the way, I know this is random... But are you having a banner made for this story yet? Cuz I just really feel, like, in the mood to make something right now, lol!! Its been a while since I've done a banner for a dark/angsty story like this one, so I would love to give it a go if you don't already got something else lined up... Got any actors in mind for who could possibly portray Teddy and/or Amy in this fic? ;)

Author's Response: I have never put anything in the 'Reviews that Made your day thread' but I posted this review there and for good reason. This simply, and quite literally, made my day. The fact that you felt a personal connection and felt moved even.. well that's everything I ever started writing for. Giving someone chills is not something I think I have ever done. I can't even start telling you what that means to me.

And I have a coincidence of my own. In the midst of working on this chapter, one of my friends passed away after I pretty long fight against cancer. So, since mactabilicus was a thinly veiled stand in for a kind of "Wizarding cancer," this story got a lot more personal from that point on. The end was a little difficult to write after that, needless to say. So, that may have contributed to the emotion behind it, since it was largely very real. I'm so thankful that it could resonate with you. I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't have to miss either one of them too badly because I'm bring them back! I'm using this to spawn an entire collection of works within this universe. I'm not sure what I'll bring Amy back in quite yet, but I've decided upon writing a story centered upon Teddy's time at Hogwarts, in order to really flesh out his backstory and give more explanation as to how he ended up how we see him in this story. I hope that sounds like it'd be to your interest!

I wanted to portray Amy as a very strong young woman who took everything in stride. She may have seemed a bit too clean cut in this story even. But that's because it's from Teddy's point of view and he clearly has on rose tinted glasses when it comes to Amy. Also, soul-mate is a HUGE word, but I welcome it!!

Haha I appreciate all stalking of my MTA. It is there as a reference point after all! Unique is amazing praise to receive. Thank you so much! I mean, what do I even say to you thanking me for writing a 'daring, bold and deeply unique story'?? I can't even begin to thank you. You've given me so much confidence in my writing tonight. This review is so perfect. I'm going to cherish it forever. We definitely should do this again soon! I have a lot of stories planned, so we'll have plenty of opportunities.

I don't have a banner in place yet at all! If you could make me one that would be so amazing of you! I always saw Teddy as Cameron Monaghan and Amy as Michelle Trachtenberg. Thank you so much for the banner offer and this review!


 Report Review

Review #35, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Williams' Bookshop

30th August 2014:
BAHAHAA!!! My roommate just came home from work and literally started watching the “Merlin” TV show on Netflix while I was reading this story!!! I just died, hahaha!!! XD

Anyhow, back to you review. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Merlin at first. The idea of someone having a friendship with this corporeal being is spooky, to say the least. I am still wondering if this Merlin is a figment of Teddy's imagination or not tho. I can see now why Teddy considers him as such a close friend tho. They really get along well, and he seems to be good for Teddy to talk to. I like their Riddles, btw. Forgot to comment on that in my last review, lol. And speaking of Riddles, I also found it interesting that you put Teddy in Ravenclaw. It makes sense, given how intelligent he seems. (:

"Most people would probably say 'Merlin knows' at this point, but it so happens that I do not," he joked. OMG, this just cracked me up SO much, haha!! Freaking BRILLIANT!!! =D

If Teddy is 19, why does he have homework? Is he in some sort of wizard college or something?? I think I might have missed something there, lol??

Oh hey, look; Amy's back, yay!! I was really happy to see her back in this chapter again. I think that she is a perfect match for Teddy in this story. I hope that they end up together – providing that this Amy chick is a REAL person, and not just someone who lives inside of Teddy's head, lol. I mean, I really do hope that she is real, but there was something about the way that she just showed up exactly as he was preparing to leave that makes me wonder. That and the way that she jjst agrees and goes along with everything that he says and does... Idk tho, because she did help him get out of that Funeral situation last chapter. The security guy could obviously see her, which would suggest to her realness... But I have this theory brewing tho that, perhaps, this whole entire thing is happening inside of Teddy's head (but why should that mean that is isn't real, haha!!) You see what I just did there? =P

Sorry, it's late and I am hyper right now. Like, the kind of hyper you get when you've been up ALL day and are running on 3-4 hours of sleep, lol!! So if this seems super-random then I really must apologize. ^_^'

The bookstore scene was really cute! Probly my favorite moment of this whole entire story so far. I loved their game, and Amy's answer – ROTFL!! That was awesome! I am totally going to have to play this game the next time I am in a Bookstore now, haha!!

Okay, forget EVERYTHING I just said, lol! The graveyard scene is now my favorit, by far!! OMGosh, that was beautiful!! I am now leaning more on the side of Amy being real too, haha!! And she called Teddy her boyfriend. *squee!!* Good for them. I was hoping they would end up together. Also, I loved Amy's reaction to meeting Teddy's parents. She truly is the most perfect match for him. Please, please, PLEASE tell me that they get a happy ending!! I am rooting for them now, lol. =D

And then there was that illness bomb. BOOM!! You just hit me right in the feels, lol. Oh no, now I am sad again. Although, I loved you original idea/name for this magical incurable disease. You are very creative and I really like your style. I wanna read more of your stuff now after this. Honestly, I love how this story is developing. I think I shall go and add this one to my favorites now!! See ya in the next chapter!! (:

100/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: That's hilarious!! I love moments like that.

I am glad that Teddy and Merlin's conversations work well. They definitely should be able to talk and joke with each other, being best friends and all. Thank you about the riddles too! That was another piece of ostentatious symbolism. I tried to do some literary things with this. I'm not sure how they worked out but I tried! This Teddy only felt right doing into Ravenclaw to me, for some reason.

I was a little bit proud of that joke, not gonna lie :P

Oh no! Teddy doesn't have homework! He and Merlin were just joking around about the riddle haha, sorry for any confusion there.
The fact that you think they are a perfect match makes me happier than you know. And I'll assure you now, Amy is very real. I wouldn't do THAT to my readers haha. I did appreciate that little bit of Harry Potter humor :D

Trust me, I understand. I'm answering this review at 7 in the morning and I'm very close to crashing.

If you play that game I will be very proud to have someone using one of my ideas in real life. That makes me seem like a real writer with fans and such lol.

Beautiful is one of my favorite compliments!! Thank you! And they do end up together and are happy for a while, but of course, the whole happy ending part.. well.. I'm sorry *hides face*

Mactabilicus wasn't something I wanted to give Amy honestly. I would have been pretty happy writing her and Teddy happy forever, but I had to :/

Thank you for all of your incredible compliments and for saying that you want to read more of my stuff, that's so nice of you!


 Report Review

Review #36, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Cousin Larry

30th August 2014:
Hey there, here for our Review swap!! I'm pretty excited about this one too, haha!! ;)

Okay, wow, so your Teddy is truly VERY morbid here!! Truthfully tho, it didn't really bother me as much as I think it normally would. I have a brother who is a lot like this, so I guess his behavior didn't shock me as much since I've dealt with it before in RL. It's funny, cuz my brother is an artist as well, and he writes poetry and song lyrics too... My mom and step-dad were similar to Harry and Ginny here too, in that they eventually just accepted it as a part of who he is. And that's the thing; some people just have a totally different view on life and death than others. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the person, just because he or she likes things that most would consider to be “Morbid”. My brother, for example, is extremely intelligent and quite gifted in his art and writing, as is Teddy here in this fic... Sorry if it seems like I am rambling like a lunatic, lol!! I can just really relate to Teddy in this fic so far, and you have caused me to THINK!! This story already feels like it's going to be pretty deep.

So Teddy is funeral crashing, huh? Okay, so that one threw me a little, I will admit. That was nice of Amy to bail him out tho. Will we be seeing any more of her? She seemed nice, I really liked her a lot. How old is she? Is she Teddy's age or older? And what is up with Merlin? Is he, like, Teddy's imaginary friend or something?? SOO many questions, haha!! Guess I will just have to read on to find out!! I have never heard the song or seen the movie that this is associated with, so everything was pretty new to me here. I like where this is going so far tho, I must say. I was pleasantly surprised by this!! It's interesting and different from anything else I've ever read on this site, and I cannot wait to read more. Thanks so much for posting this swap!!

10/10
~Deana~

P.S. Another reviewer (Ribbons, I believe) mentioned “Starving Artists” and she is SO right!! OMGosh, I thot of the exact same story when I first started reading this and saw that Teddy was drawing, lol!! Except, instead of Scorpius, your Teddy in this reminds me more of her character 'Nameless Brooding Barry' haha!!! If you haven't read that story before you should definitely go and look it up ASAP. It will change your life, haha!! =P

Author's Response: Hi!

It's so interesting that your brother is similar to this Teddy! Especially hearing that they're both artists and (luckily) both were eventually accepted as they were. Part of why I wrote this in the particular way I did was to show that Teddy isn't necessarily wrong. He doesn't do on a killing spree. He isn't harming anybody. He's just a little bit morbid, that's all. I'm so glad that you have that personal connection to it. I hope I managed to make this story reach a certain level of deepness. I did set out to address some fairly heavy topics.

Well as you now know, we do see much more of Amy. She's Teddy's age. And Merlin. Well, Merlin is a lot of things. Actually, another reviewer tonight correctly guessed exactly what I attempted to do with him. But above all, he was Teddy's best friend. Of course, that can be read in multiple different ways ;D

I actually plan on taking a look at Starving Artists since I am getting so many recommendations! I'm interested in what it'll be like now.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #37, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Silence

29th August 2014:
Holey crap... your introduction to this was just simply magnificent!! breathtakingly beautiful, and incredibly deep. I loved every single word of it - no pun intended, lol. ;)

Haha, this takes place on Aug. 29th and that's the same date as today!! Took me a moment to establish that it was Dumbledore speaking at first. Guess I should have know tho, you know, since he has always had such a way with words. Honestly, your writing style is exquisite. you have such a way with words, and you craft your sentences so beautifully here! Their fight scene was so heartbreaking tho. I knew it was going to have a sad ending anyhow, but reading Albus' pov on his sister's death made it so much more depressing. I liked how you had him reflecting back on how he did not cry for her tho, and how he was more concerned about how badly Grindelwald had been hurt.

Wow... just, wow. This was all so very poetic, which I imagine is exactly how Dumbledore would write to a lover. You capture his inner monologue quite well, which is not an easy thing to do. I cannot help but wonder tho; how old he is when writing this? Is it before or after their duel in which Dumbledore takes the elder wand? Is it when Harry was at Hogwarts, is it right before Dumbledore was about to die? Personally, I imagine that he is writing this shortly after being cursed by trying put on the the ring horcrux. He knew he was going to die soon, at that point, so it would make sense that Albus would become more reflective. I could be way off tho, haha! ^_^'

I am so adding this to my favorites, and you will be seeing me in the next chapter soon. I was happy to see that this is not a one-shot, cuz I want MORE, lol!! Thanks so much for the wonderful swap. We should totally do this again some time, as I am now a fan of your writing!! =)

1,000//10 (cuz you're amazing!)
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry for the wait in getting this response back to you - I'm so hopeless with writing these, particularly when they're so lovely, like this one :hugs: And no worries about puns, dear, I love puns - can never get enough of them :P

Yeah, I didn't notice that actually, at first - didn't really think about it... wow, weird coincidence! I didn't really want to sort of say it was Dumbledore at the beginning - I kinda thought it would sort of give it away, but also, it wouldn't really have fitted? Gah, thank you so much - and is it bad that I'm glad the fight scene was heartbreaking? :P It's going to be a pretty angsty story, tbh, so it's sort of the beginning of all of that... a taste of the future, so to speak ;) Grief makes people react strangely - when my pet rabbit died, I laughed (it's true!), so yeah, I liked the idea that he didn't cry - it would impound Aberforth's hatred of him, and all, as well, so it worked well!

Thank you so much! Capturing the style he speaks with was really hard at first - it's so specific to him, you know? - but it sort of seemed to get easier as it went along, so I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, when he's writing this, it's not long after the duel - it'll come up a bit later, little bits about exactly when these reflections are taking place - but yeah, the reflections start after the duel and sort of continue onwards from there, up to his death. It's not very specific, though, but I'm not sure if it needs to be... :/ (Not really sure, though...) Either way, it's perhaps not the most important thing? I dunno...

Gah, thank you so so much! This review was so so lovely to get, and all of the compliments were amazing to hear. I'm just so glad you liked this - and thank you so much for the favourite as well! The swap was amazing - we should definitely do this again! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #38, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Misattribution

28th August 2014:
Hello Em, I'm back again!! We FINALLY got internet at home now, so no more dealing with crappy cellphone reception when I am trying to review, yay!! Anyways, I quite enjoyed this chapter. I think I now have a new favorite, haha! =)

You know, I was wondering when we might find out the results of her Alchemy essay, haha! Oh, that professor Cunningham is really a dreadful teacher tho, isn't she? I mean, reading the essays out to the entire class like that! Who does that?? Yeah, I really don't think I like this woman at all, lol. Naturally, Rose Weasley was the best. Not surprised there, lol! But I liked actually liked where Annett was going with her essay, personally, and I feel like she had some very valid points there... But I'm just a nerdy muggle tho, so what do I know? =P

And she is taunting Yang again. I love this side of her so much, lol. I think my favorite part was Clinton's response when she asked him to say something embarrassing. Annett is a genius, and I cannot wait to see how it goes when he finally does try to ask her out! When you shift from that scent tho, back to her classes with Cunningham, I really feel like there should be some kind of break or divider in there, just so that it flows better and is easier to read. (Not sure of you know this or not, but the advanced editor you use to post a new chapter with does have a button you can push to enter a line-break wherever you want to divide a chapter at.)

- I think that this is one of my favorite segments ever, in this entire story so far:
"I am respecting Alchemy. I'm trying to put my own perspective on it. I'm trying to update it. I'm trying to provide aid to the wound that is this lack of progression. I will vie for Modern Alchemy. I do respect the textbook. I read it. Then, I combine knowledge I have gained from it with my knowledge of muggle science and advanced transfiguration. Then I maul the textbook with my own notes. Now the information it contains is updated. My textbook is now progressive. Cunningham's class, however, is not."

Annett is really, super smart, and that bit right there just proves it. Her teacher is so obviously old and stuck in her own ways. She's strikes me as being scared of change and does not want to accept that which she clearly knows nothing about. When Annett said: “I will vie for modern Alchemy” I just got this feeling that she is one day going to become a very renown Alchemist; maybe even better than Nicholas Flammell, and then this teacher of hers will feel really stupid for making a mockery of her in front of the entire class, lol! Her scribbling in her Alchemy textbook like this also kind of reminds me of Snape with his Advanced Potion-Making book. Not sure of you did this intentionally or not, but I quite like the comparison that you have drawn here. (:

And there it is: he finally asked her out!! I seriously thought that she was going to turn him down, right then and there, but she said yes! Ooh, so now she's gonna get him on their “date” perhaps? Haha, I cannot wait to see that! Also, I loved Freddie's reaction. It's really cute to see that they're still joking with Albus about Annett being his secret love interest, as this had been going on ever since their very first day on the Hogwarts express. Honestly, I am kind of hoping that Annett and Albus DO end up together by the end of all this. I think that they would make a super cute couple! One cannot help but to wonder when, if ever, they will discover that Annett is the “Incog. Imp” tho; and how everyone will react if and when they do make said discovery. ;)

Great chapter, dear!! I don't really have much CC to add here, other than that line-break thing to separate the various scenes in the chapter. Your writing continues to improve, and I love how the plot is progressing. You really have done your research on everything for this story, and it comes across brilliantly!! I can't wait to see what they've got going on in the Room of Requirement... See you in the next chapter!!

20/10 ^_^
~Deana~

Author's Response: Yay for internet! :D And a new review and a new favourite chapter. lol (this 'lol' serves the dual purpose of displaying my laughter and being me with my hands up in celebration).

Thank you for another wonderful review, Deana. Your kind words really are encouraging. I'm so glad you liked it.

[insert a thousand more 'thank you'd and a virtual hug because you are too kind!]

Ah, the horizontal line. Yes, I know of it, but no, I stupidly never thought to use it here. It would flow so much better. :) Thank you for helping me improve!

Snape. . . yes, I love Snape.

As for all your amazing theories. . . all in due time, dearest Deana, all in due time. ;)

See you at 'LNW!'


 Report Review

Review #39, by Yoshi_KittenNym: Into Focus

28th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for our review swap... Sorry it took me so log to get back to this. I git caught up at work.

I absolutely loved this little one-shot tho!! The way you wrote everything was so stunning and so beautiful. Everything flowed so fantastically here, and your characterization of everyone was very well done. You know, you really don't see too many Charlie-centered fics around here anymore, so reading this was like a breath if fresh air for me. I quite enjoyed your take on his character. I guess it never really dawned on me before now that Charlie and Tonks were the same age, lol. I can totally see it now tho! Is that actually Cannon, or did you just come up with the idea for the purposes of this story? Either way; it is a very believable concept, and I love that you have them being such good friends in their Hogwarts days as well. It just makes Tonks seem so much more connected to the Weasley family, and I think that this shall be my idea of head-cannon for her from now on, haha! =P

I love the way that way that you eave the reader guessing as to who hos secret lover is at the beginning. I didn't figure out that it was Tonks until he started talking about her hair colors. Tho I guess I should have know all along from the story title, lol! *facepalm* Forgive me, my blondness is showing right now, lol... That being said, once I did realize who it was I was immediate heartbroken for Charlie because I knew what was coming. Sure enough, he saw her ring and realized that he was too late. I was kind of hoping that he would have still told her anyway, but what difference would it have made, really? Nymphadora was so in love with Remus, and she probly only just viewed Charlie as a friend, so him spilling the beans could have cost him her friendship. :'(

I almost cried when you transitioned to the scene after the battle. Tonks death is always so hard to read about, but you did it beautifully! Your descriptions of everything were so detailed and just... flawless! I really do like your writing style, dear. Thanks so much for the wonderful read, and good luck in the challenge. I haven't read any of the other entries, I don't think, but I definitely feel like this story should place. Everything was just so great, and the emotion you conveyed here was terrific! Feel free to swap me again at any time!! =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana!

Don't worry about the delay at all. I really enjoyed reading your story so it's absolutely no problem :)

I'm really surprised people don't write more about Charlie here. I guess he's not a very important character but he always seems fascinating to me. He literally left all his family for some dragons. If I was writing a longer story I think there must be a really interesting explanation for why both Charlie and Bill choose to work abroad.

It's canon that Charlie and Tonks were in the same year at school but it's not mentioned whether they were friends or not. I think (hope, but am fairly sure) it's also canon that Charlie's talking to Tonks at the wedding. I just felt like it made sense that if they'd known eachother they would have been good friends.

I'm so glad you like the ambiguous start! That's one of the main things I wasn't sure about because I didn't want to make it too vague. I think you're right that him telling her would have complicated things, but who knows what would have happened as a result of that. I doubt Tonks would ever have left Remus, but it might have given Charlie some closure.

Thanks so much for such a lovely review! I'm definitely keen to swap again so let me know if you ever want to :)

Much love,

Emma x


 Report Review

Review #40, by Yoshi_KittenDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

27th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for your review swap! Sorry it took me so long to finish this, my mother called in the middle of reading this and I had to go help her with some stuff real quick...

Anyways, wow! I love how original this story is already. You are off to a really wonderful start here. I am interested in learning more about Delvin, and how he was captured. Voldemort was very much in character here. I mean, attacking a 6 year old?! His cruelty really does know no bounds. Delvin was really brave tho, acting very much like Harry. I loved it when he called him “Tom Riddle” that was my favorite part, lol! I was sad to see that Draco was still involved with Voldemort tho. For a minute there, I thought that it was Lucius carrying Delvin in... Oh well, I suppose he can't be good in every story, haha. =P

I think you characterized Harry rather well here. Had the war not ended so soon, I could very well see him acting this way years on down the road. I am intrigued to learn the identity of this Death Eater now, and I wanna know why he was so insistent that Harry show him a memory of Delvin. Your descriptions of Delvin's special powers was intriguing also. I look forward to seeing how this develops later. And I can't help but wonder who this Emma character is, and what happened to Ginny?

And hows about that ending? Talk about a cliffhanger, lol!! Was the child they buried the son of this mysterious Death Eater, perhaps? GAH!! You really do know how to draw the reader in, from start to finish. I enjoyed this story, and will be adding this to my reading list. Thanks so much for the swap!! (:

 Report Review

Review #41, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Creative Output: Mischief

26th August 2014:
And I'm back!! *waves* =)
Ok, so first things first, lol. I'm pretty sure that the students of Hogwarts learn how to Apparate during their 5th of school. So I was confused as to why that was on her class schedule when she's a 6th year now, isn't she? I mean, it's possible that the Apparation laws could have changed after the war tho, so if that's the case then you may just wanna mention that in there somewhere. ;)

- "And his dont-mind-me-Ive-just-been-sha*ging hair.
Bahahaha!!! I just laughed SO hard at this quote, lol!! (:
- "More than the people who raised me and taught me, my parents are my best friends."
Ok, soI feel like this sentence is worded a bit funny here. It distracted me from reading anyway, causing me to reread it 3 times over again before it made sense... However, if you tried rearranging the structure to something like this: "My parents are more than just the people who raised me and taught me. They're my best friends." Do you see how that flows a bit better when you read it?

Ah, I find myself conflicted here, lol. On the one hand, I feel like its really sweet that James named his prank gang after his namesake's group: the Marauders. But on the other hand, I feel like it's just been done before and its a tad old. I mean, he's already got the same name as the original James Potter, and now he has a group called the Marauders too? Idk, I guess I just feel like James II would wanna be more original than that... Maybe? But what do I know? I am sooo tired right now, haha!! XD
I was, however, VERY happy to see that you included Fred II into this new Marauders group. He deserves more than anybody to be in the top pranking group in the whole school, lol. =P

Oh look: Annett's geek is showing, lol!! Seriously tho, I love how nerdy and intelligent she is!! And that diagram of the basic elements was super cool! Where did you get the idea for that? And I really liked what she had to say about the books being so outdated, lol. I bet her teacher is gonna be in for a real treat when she reads that paper. Cunningham was kinda rude tho when she dismissed her question in front of the whole class like that. Good thing people are too intimidated by Annett to laugh at her tho, haha!! ;)

I think this chapter was my new favorite!! We got to see some brief Scorpius/Rose action, there was plotting and scheming involved, you introduced us to a new class that wasn't featured on the HP books, and (most importantly) Annett finally seems to be coming out of her shell a bit!! I'm very intrigued to see where you're going with this next. =D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! Hello again.

It depends when the particular student turns 17. If that happens before or on 31 August of the next year (before the next school year), then that student it eligible to take the course. That being the case, unless the student had to retake a year, taking the class in Year 5 would be impossible.

I'll see about fixing that sentence. Thank you!

About the Marauders thing. It's more about carrying on the traditions of pranking then it is about anything else. More on this in much later chapters. :)

I did my Alchemy research while I did my scientific research. Haha. I'm glad you like that part.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

Cheers


 Report Review

Review #42, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Yang’s Audacity

22nd August 2014:
First of all, before I forget, the very first sentence of this chapter:
"Sixth year starts as normally as it could, being in a school of magic and all. I am sitting, reading this year's Transfiguration textbook when the door opens."
It is a bit misleading. This statement makes it seem like they're already at Hogwarts, and then all of a sudden they are on the trainride there instead?

I feel like if you added in a few words it would alleviate any and all confusion here. Such as this:
"Sixth year starts as normally as it could, being in a school of magic and all. I am sitting on the train, reading this year's Transfiguration textbook when the compartment door opens."
There, you see how I changed it to allude more to the setting right from the very start? Sorry if this seems overly picky, but it was the first thing I noticed, and it kinda distracted me right from the very beginning...

Okay, so now the real story begins, haha!! It was such a breath of fresh air to see Annett finally interacting with her peers again. I know that her and Al are not necessarily “friends” so-to-speak, but I think I like her interactions with him the best so far. I am now starting to see why she was put in Slytherin, haha! And I think that it was a nicely added touch; having people act like they were afraid of her on the train. I love how aware she is of everyone else, but then she is generally clueless as to how she fits into the overall picture, lol.

And the plot thickens!! People are placing bets on how she will react when this dirtbag asks her out, and she is aware of it now. I cannot wait to see what pranks she has planned to get her revenge on him... Just please tell me that she does not actually end up falling for this boy, does she?? You have made Yang an already unlikable character, and we haven't actually officially met him yet. So kudos to you for setting this guy's part up so well! :)

One other thing that stuck out to me though was Miss. Norris. While I do really like the fact that Annett has befriended her in her Fox form, she would have to be incredibly old by now, especially for a cat. I mean she was there when Harry started school, so add 7 years onto the 19 that have passed between now and then, plus the 6 years that Annett has been at Hogwarts too. That would make her over 32 years, at the least. And that does not seem realistic to me at all, as I am not sure that cats can really live that long. So unless Mr. Filch got a new cat and gave it the same name, you may wanna consider adding something in there to explain this phenomenon, lol. Just my observations. ;)

Anyhow, I was glad to finally see Annett come out of her shell more in this chapter. I enjoyed getting all the backstory and information, but it's also good to have all the introductions and such out of the way now. I cannot wait to see where you are going with this one. On to find out what happens next!! Again, this is such a unique story you have here, I love it!! =)


~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana,

Thank you so much for another amazing review!

I will fix that up right away! Sorry for being rather misleading. :( It's not overly picky, it's really helpful. Thank you.

You caught that about her not being sure how she fits in. :D I had fun with that.

You shall have to wait and see, Deana, you shall have to wait and see. ;)

For Mrs. Norris. . . she is raised in the magical world where humans can live for centuries. . . I don't think it's as much genetic as it is environmental. So, I imagine that different species also reap the benefits of a magical environment. . . an extended life. I'll see if I can integrate an explanation somewhere.

It's all part of being an introvert. Some conversations are tiring, others are captivating. Shyness and quietness shouldn't always be taken at face-value. I'm glad you've been enjoying it so far! Thank you for all your kind words. You're awesome, really. :D

Cheers!


 Report Review

Review #43, by Yoshi_Kittenwinter, cry.: winter, cry.

22nd August 2014:
OMGosh, I am SO happy right now that you requested this for the Swap, cuz I don't think I ever would have found this story otherwise!! And, boy, did I ever LOVE reading this!! So first of all, thank you for the super-fantastic read! I love the title, and how you told the story thru the winter months of her life. It was all so very good!! =)

This was an incredible take on the Hogwarts Librarian's life. Honestly, I've never really given Madame Pince a second thought before, but you really made me feel something for her. I think I related to her the most when she was being laughed at by the other kids tho. I was bullied a LOT when I was younger, and most of that was because I always had my nose in a book too. (Go figure, lol.) So, being someone who found solace in books and turned to them, rather than people, at a young age; I can totally relate to her here.

"This is the first time a book is her salvation, and it changes something in her."
I completely understand what that is like. When I was her age (at that point in the story) the Animorphs books were what I read to escape, and after that it was Lord of the Rings, and then finally Harry Potter. Kids can be SO cruel tho, and you captured that perfectly. Honestly, THAT was the part that got to me, more so than her mother's death, because I understood exactly how she must have felt there. ='(

I also liked the winter where she was in love, and I enjoyed your take on the nameless-photographer man. It was sad tho, that he never took pictures of her, and even more heartbreaking that Irma knew this was because he didn't love her or find her beautiful. I figured it wasn't going to last, but I was still so sad when he left her for that other woman tho. Poor Irma!

Dumbledore was brilliant!! Of course he would have noticed her spending ALL her time in the library, once she finally discovered it, and caught onto the fact that books were her life. Not much ever got past Dumbledore, lol. He probably had her in mind to be the new librarian long before the previous one retired. Good for him, for finally giving her a true home and a real purpose for her life. That was one of my favorite parts!! (:

And the contrast you made between the two wars; how she was hardly effected by the first one, was a good concept also. It was sad tho, to think that nobody would have missed her if she had died in the first war. I am glad that she was more loved and respected by the time the second war came about. I also loved the concept of her having tea and biscuits with McGonagall. I was glad to see the two of them becoming somewhat friends by the end of all this. The way she stood of for that little girl, even tho the child was going thru her stuff, was amazing. It spoke volumes of how much she had grown over the years.

This was perfect. Just absolutely perfect, hun. Thank you again so much for requesting it!! I am in love with your writing style, and I will definitely have to check out more of your work now. Also, I (may or may not have) stalked your gallery at TDA last night too, lol. You are a superb artist!! I love your art just as much as your writing! Anyways, welcome to my favorite author's list, and I think I shall be favoriting this story as well. I am so gonna recommend this to my two best friends here on the site too, cuz it is just SO GOOD!! Honestly, this is how I will always imagine Madame Pince's life from now on. =)

100/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Oh my god, thank you SO much for this lovely review! I am so glad you liked the weird way I wrote this story ;P

I had never really given Madam Pince a second thought before writing this, either, and it was so interesting to try and get inside her head and think up what could have made her the way she is in canon.

I was impossibly into reading from a very age so I totally relate to her on that too. I didn't really get on with other kids - I was way too shy - so a lot of her childhood experiences are similar to my own, haha.

I was six when I first started reading Harry Potter - I actually kinda taught myself to read properly with it, since I wouldn't let anyone else read it to me - and the series totally changed me just the way books have changed Irma in this. I got so much comfort from the HP series, and then from other books as my love of reading just developed more and more. I tried to show a similar thing with her, how as everything else gets worse she just loses herself more and more in books for comfort.

Writing her in love was very fun, trying to imagine the kind of person she would fall for and then writing the sadness that he didn't love her back. I love writing sad little love stories like that, oops.

I have never tried to write Dumbledore before so even though he was only in a tiny scene I'm really glad you thought he was good! Not much ever did get past him and I like the idea that he noticed Irma in school even though they never really interacted. He always did seem to know which students needed help and how to give it to them, even in tiny ways - like giving Neville house points for standing up to his friends in PS, so that Neville was really the one who won the house cup. I like to think this is him doing the same for Irma.

I didn't even really actively think about the contrast between the two wars but just because of how much her life has changed there is such a huge difference between then and I'm glad you thought that worked!

Thank you so, so much for your awesome review, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story so much!!! and omg I'm glad you like my graphics too, thanks so much ♥

~Maia


 Report Review

Review #44, by Yoshi_KittenHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: The Greater Fool

22nd August 2014:
Ohmigawdholycow!!! Has it really been 2 years? Are you serious?!? Dang, it seems like it was only last month some time that I was reading this story before, lol. Where the crap did all that time GO??? 0_o'

Anyways, sorry the swap has taken me so long to get to tonight. Work suddenly got busy right after I requested the swap. Go figure. But anyways, I decided to try and pick this back up right where I left off at. But then I realized that I needed to go back a few chapters and jog my memory as to what exactly had happened in the first place, lol! I have been reading this story for over an hour now though, and man do I ever LOVE it!!! Gosh, did I ever miss this place while I was away at school last year! Your writing especially!! ^_^

Ok, so this was one of my favorite chapters so far, I think. It literally had EVERYTHING in it!!! Humor, love, drama, angst, action – this one had it ALL!! I really love the way you switch scenes and give us different glimpses into what's going on with the other characters in this story all within the same chapter. You are really good at knowing where one scene should end, and the other should begin. I've always had such a difficult time choosing where and when to end my chapters. But you do it do flawlessly every single time!! And that takes some seriously mad-skillz, lol. ;)

And I enjoyed reading everyone's interactions with one another here. And I for one am SO glad that you kept Molly & Arthur around even though they are all so much older now. It makes me very happy to see Molly getting to hold dinners and take care of such a LARGE family. I can imagine that this has all been such a dream come true for her. And she deserves it too, after everything that her and Arthur have been through over the years. And your characterization of her was perfect. Honestly tho, you write everybody in the Weasley clan SO WELL, Dan!! How you keep track of everybody is beyond me, lol. There are so many of them also, yet you manage to give each character their own distinct voice and personality. I loved the bit about how Charlie is still caring for Dragons, instead of retiring, and OMG! George's prank on the children was priceless!! That was one of my favorite parts, haha! =D

The conversation between Harry and Rose was so sad! Yet I really loved reading this tender moment between the two of them, especially what she was brought up the fact that he was “just Uncle Harry” and not the Famous Harry Potter who defeated Voldemort. That was a really great way to put things into perspective, I think. Like her mother, Rose seems to be very wise beyond her years... Also, not sure if I mentioned this in any of my previous reviews, but I LOVE the fact that you paired her with Scorpius!! And their daughter, Octavia, is such a cutie. I really like her a lot too.

OMG, when Rose said this:
"...Not judging, mind you. I'd be doing the same thing if we were talking about Scorpius. But what would you do if you caught me pining over his grave? I mean, assuming that it wasn't me who killed him?"
I laughed so much at that statement!! I really so hope that we will get to see more of Scorpius soon too. And speaking of the Malfoys, I'm pretty sure this goes without saying at this point; but I absolutely LOVE the way that you write Draco, lol!!! Always have, always will!! =P

OMGosh, at the beginning of the attack scene at Malfoy Manor, when the two guards were all like “nothing bad will happen” I literally smacked myself upside the forehead, lol! I was like, “why did you just say that?” Any time someone says something like that, it is a sure sign that something bad is most definitely about to happen, haha. And sure enough, right after he said that, all Hades broke loose!! Honestly, Dan, you write those fight scenes SO spectacularly!! I wish that I was half as good as you when it comes scenes like that, lol. And hows about that ending?!? OMG, I was SO stunned!!! I literally sat and stared at the computer screen, with my mouth gaping open in shock, for like ten seconds or more when I got done reading that!! Holyeffinshiznits, did she really just kill him??!?? Yes, yes, I think that she did, lol. :O

OMG, WHO IS THIS WOMAN!?!?? In spite of all her evilness and such, I really do admire her as a Villain. She seems so much more... Idk the right word. Calculated? Anyhow, her vision may certainly be even more terrifying that Voldemort's ever was, and that's saying something. *shivers* It's no wonder you got Best Villain with her though. I just WISH that we knew who she really was, lol!! Is she someone related to Cannon, or just someone you came up with all on your own. The latter would honestly not surprise me at all tho, considering how clever and ingenious you are, Dan. (:

And again, I CANNOT believe that it has been 2 YEARS and I still have yet to finish this Novel!! Oh, and before I forget, what was up with the book? Was it really the Dark Lord's journal in disguise or not? I am assuming not, since she cast it aside along with Flint. But then, what does that mean? Does she have any other leads? Does said journal even exist? Will they give up? GAH!! I need answers, haha!!! =P

Haha, I was so happy when you requested to swap with me, Dan!! God I needed this so badly, lol! I have missed you, and your fantastical writing so gosh darn much!!! OMGosh, this is just amazing!!

Author's Response: Time flies, doesn't it? And the older you get, the faster it flies...

This chapter had an awful lot in it, to the point where I remember being worried that it was too busy. The Weasley family picnic scene nearly ended up on the cutting room floor, but with the benefit of hindsight I'm really glad that I kept it in. Aside from starting to set up a character who plays a major role later on (Albus), it gives more insight into the guilt and grief that still plague Harry and we get to see the Weasleys in a happy setting before all heck breaks loose later on. I liked giving Molly and Arthur a very happy, fulfilling old age as well. Like you said, it just felt right after all of the sacrifices they made over the years.

I wanted to give Harry and Rose a unique relationship in this story. Rose is very smart, but she has her moments of poor judgment and weakness. She's flawed in that way, very much like Harry. She's impulsive and follows her heart. The relationship between Harry and Rose will play a significant role in what happens later. You will see quite a bit of Scorpius before the story is done. I hope you like the dynamic between him and Rose.

When a character thinks that nothing bad is going to happen, that usually is a tip-off, isn't it? If you like fight scenes, well, I don't want to reveal too much but the best is yet to come. Many more fight scenes that, at least in my opinion, I did a much better job with. Yes, she did kill Flint. Unceremoniously and without a smidgen of remorse. Thus endeth the story's first minor villain.

The mystery woman... well, that will be revealed in good time. Can't really say anything without giving it away. I'm really pleased that you liked the character, though.

The book was exactly what it appeared to be: Draco's (mostly unread) copy of Magical Me. What is the mystery woman playing at? Again, can't say without giving it all away. ;)

Let's swap again soon. I'd love to see how your novel is coming along as you edit it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #45, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Achieving Equilibrium: The Prologue Continued

21st August 2014:
Hello again!! OK, so wow, this was a LOT to take in in one chapter... ^_^'

First of all, let me just say that I LOVE the "Wotters" haha! I have never seen the Weasley-Potter clan referred to in this way before. Personally, I thot this was genius!! That whole 1st half of the chapter was brilliant, really!! Tho I don't know if I would have tried to introduce ALL of them right off the a like that tho. I get that you were trying to overwhelm her, but I don't see where Molly and Roxanne, for example, really needed to be there, as they did not really have much to add to the conversation much... four or five people would have had the same effect as all seven, but that's just my opinion. That being said, however, I really liked how you added Scorpius in there, and I loved the connection that they shared by both being introverts. I feel like the two of them could become friends later on down the road... We'll just have to see if I'm right tho. ;)

When she arrived at Hogwarts, I would have liked to have seen her reaction when she saw the castle for the first time. The whole thing felt a little rushed, honestly. And I'll admit that I was also a little let down with the sorting ceremony too. I wonder what else the hat had to say to her?? And are her and Albus both in Slytherin? If so, then I do hope that you plan on explaining this choice of house placement here within the next few chapters, cuz that is just downright confusing to me, lol!! I really thot that she was gonna be in Ravenclaw with Rose...

Wow, she sure is full of questions, isn't she? I love how curious she is, and I like that you have her spending most of her time studying alone, rather than spending a lot of time out with the others. It fits better with the character that you have create here, I think... Hopefully we will start to see her interact more with some of the cannon characters soon tho, now that her 6th year is about to start. I for one am curious to see more of her relationship with Scorpius, Albus & Rose in particular. As smart as the two of those girls are, and as much time as I'm sure they both must spend in the library; there's no way they aren't friends! =P

One final note I have is that you may wanna consider adding the 'Vulpes velox' onto you list of translations/meanings at the end of the chapter. I mean, I knew enough to know that is was some type of fox. (At which point that annoying "What Does the Fox Say?" song popped back into my head, lol!!) But I had to actually google it to see that it meant "swift fox". Not all readers will be likely to take the tie to go and look that up tho, so a note at the end might be helpful... Also; wouldn't someone notice a FOX sneaking around the INSIDE the castle? Even if it is the middle of the night, I'm sure that someone would have had to notice her in that form at some point? good for her tho, for figuring out how to become an animagus!! Overall tho, I like how the story is progressing so far!! Can't wait to read more. Thanks so much for swapping with me again!! =)

9/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana!

Thank you for your extremely helpful review. I love getting different perspectives because of advice like this! :D

I do explore Annett's Slytherin-ness next chapter.

They do both spend time in the library, but one of them has a secret room she's claimed as her private study room. So thy don't see much of each other. Add that to their different houses and they really don't see too much of one another. That's not to say they never talk. . .

Sadly, Annett doesn't consider anyone we friend at this point. That has to do with her keeping to herself all the time. She's only been a fox for 9 months at this point. Because she is a fox and her hearing and sense of smell and all has improved, she can practice not being detected. More on this in later chapters.

Thank you!

Cheers.


 Report Review

Review #46, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Spontaneous Combustion of Dairy Products: A Prologue

19th August 2014:
Hello again, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here to finish our little Review Swap!! (:

Ok, so this was really good!! I didn't really know what to expect at first, but I was pleasantly surprised when I started reading this. I like your OC so far. She is very intelligent and original. I can tell that you have put alot of time and thought into creating her. I also enjoyed reading her backstory here as well. Her parents are scientists? Now that's something I have NEVER seen in HP fanfiction before. Honestly, the idea is so unique and original. Very well done!! & I really appreciate the fact that, despite being big into science and all that, her parents did NOT decide to experiment on their own daughter. That alone already speaks volumes about their character.

One thing I noticed, however, is that you spend all this time introducing everyone else here; her parents Wolfgang & Emilie, her friends Dahlia & Daisy, and Teddy Lupin (whom I almost mistook for Hagrid when you described a man with dark hair, lol). Even Harry Potter gets an introduction, but then you never once mention the main character's name at all. I even went back and skimmed over it twice after I was finished reading just to double-check on this. I mean, obviously one can assume that her name is Annett by the title of the story. And I get that she is very shy, and she clearly does not like talking about herself. But I feel like Teddy still could've at least said: "Oh, hello, you must be Annett Kluge," or something along those lines, right after she told him that her parents weren't home... Idk, if you meant to not give us her name in the 1st chapter on purpose or not, but that was just something that really stood out to me. If you DID do this intentionally tho, then just disregard everything that I just said, lol!! =P

As far as CC goes; I would consider splitting up some of the longer paragraphs into two separate ones, as it will really help with the flow a lot. Grammatically tho, it was almost perfect as far as I could tell. There weren't any spelling errors that I could see, but there were a few missing commas here and there. And at one point, I think you used a semi-colon when there should have been a period... Do you have a Beta-reader for this story yet?? If not, you should totally consider applying for one. Honestly, I was skeptical about it when I started out here with my first fic, and I didn't get a Beta until I was already like 15 chapters in or so. I regret that now tho, lol. My first Beta was astounding at helping me with characterization. Then my second Beta helped me improve a lot on Grammar. And the girl who is helping me out now is just plain awesome! Suffice it to say; I have made some pretty close friends thru the Beta'ing process here at HPFF. But I'm getting off topic here, haha... The point is, I know it may seem scary to let someone else pick thru your story, but at the same time it is also kinda wonderful to have someone available to just bounce ideas off of and stuff. Someone who is just as dedicated to this story as you are - especially when you get writer's block, lol! So if you don't have a Beta yet, I think you should really consider it. And again; if you DO have one already, then I have made myself sound like a rambling idiot twice in a row now, lol. And you may ignore everything I've just said again!! XD

All technical things aside tho; I super enjoyed this!! The idea of this story is so original, and I feel like this can grow into something huge and very special. That's the only reason that I took the time to say all that, lol. Because I really do feel like this story can gain a LOT of attention and popularity on this site, if done correctly. It certainly seems like it has THAT MUCH potential already, to me at least!! Like I said; the idea is so original, and your OC is so unique!! I just wish that I had access to the internet at home right now. Cuz if I did, I would offer to Beta for you myself if you don't have one already. Unfortunately tho, I won't be able to pickup anything extra like that until around the end of September/beginning of October. My schedule is just far too crazy for free-time right now. *sigh* =/

Getting back to the story tho... Annett's reaction when she received her Hogwarts letter was priceless. The idea of them finding it as some sort of a joke was very believable, considering her scientifical upbringing. It's kind of scary tho; having these two seemingly renowned scientists now knowing of the wizarding worlds existence. But they didn't tell anyone about their daughter tho, so hopefully the secret is safe with them. They don't seem like they will give anything away, but I am curious to see how her parents play into this all in the future as she grows older...

And now I really can't wait to see her get to Hogwarts and meet all the cannon characters. I feel like her & Rose are gonna be good friends, lol. I am also curious as to what house she will be sorted into. I feel like she belongs in Ravenclaw already, but we shall see if I am right, haha!! I am now returning the favorite and will continue to read & review the rest of this as I have time to do so. Honestly, I haven't been this excited about reading a fic here in some time now, lol. But I can't wait to see where you take this!! OMG, thank you SO MUCH for the surprise review-swap, cuz Idk if I ever would have discovered this awesome story otherwise!!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana!

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a marvellous review. I'm so glad you like it and that I could provide you with a pleasant surprise (as I was pleasantly surprised by your story. . . I don't normally read out of Next Generation). :D

I feel bad about doing this, but yes I've excluded any mention of her name on purpose and yes I have a beta. I really appreciate the offer, though! That's so sweet of you!

I've been grinning goofily ever since I started to read this and I can't seem to stop. I hope I can fulfil your expectations! Pressure is on now, isn't it. . . lol.

Ravenclaw, huh? The sorting is in the next chapter if you want to confirm your suspicions. ;)

I've also added 'Love, Not War' to my reading list because your beautiful one-shot was too awesome.

Regardless, will hunt for those punctuation errors. :)

Cheers!


 Report Review

Review #47, by Yoshi_KittenHope: Hope

12th July 2014:
Hey there, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here to review ya back! :)

House Cup 2014 Review

OMGosh, this was so depressing. I mean, I was in tears by the end of this piece. But it was so beautifully well-written though! I think you captured Andromeda's emotion in this perfectly. You really seem to know how to make your readers feel something, which is great. :)

Your characterization of everyone was spot-on. I especially liked Harry in this. Even though he didn't really say or do much, you could just tell that he was trying to be strong and supportive for her. And if anyone can understand how it feels to have no family, it would be Harry Potter. He lost more than anyone else in the war, after all, so I am glad that you chose to have him be the one to bring Teddy to her at the end. And the last line "Teddy Lupin. He was hope" I LOVED that!! Such a great way to end this fantastic little one-shot! Great job hun, I enjoyed reading this. Even if you did make me cry, lol! ;)

And thanks again for reading/reviewing my story as well. I hope that you will come back and check out the rest of the Novel as well. =)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm sorry I made you cry! But I'm glad you liked it (plus, it was sort of my intention- I did tear up while writing it!) :) I'm glad you thought Harry was well characterized too- he's a difficult character to write!

Thanks for the review!
~Sara


 Report Review

Review #48, by Yoshi_KittenIn The Light Of The Moon : How It All Began

12th July 2014:
Hey there!! I am here to swap reviews with you!! Thanks so much for checking my story out hun, I really appreciate it!!

House Cup 2014 Review

So, right off the bat here I did notice some grammatical issues. Just missing commas and punctuation things. Like, for example, with this bit here: "How these three boys beside me ever remained my friend after discovering my secret, I will never know, but will be forever grateful. Which is the reason I am about to vomit from nerves."

"Friend" should be "friends". And then, it's probly just me here, but I feel like the choice of wording when he says "Which is the reason I am about to vomit from nerves." That threw me off a little. I feel like maybe it would flow better if he said something like this: "Having them here with me now, however, makes me so nervous I could vomit." I hope that this makes sense, and doesn't seem too overly nit-picky... It's just that the opening paragraph is so crucial to a story, especially when it's a one-shot. And you've just painted this beautiful picture of the night sky, and set the tone of Remus' emotions so wonderfully. And then that one line at the end just seems to disrupt the flow a tad bit. It's nothing too awfuly major tho. Like I said, probly just me being OCD, lol!! ^_^;

- "There's that award winning, sweet disposition of yours, we know and love!" Sirius joked.
There doesn't need to be a comma after "yours," If you take that out and add in the word "that" in between 'yours' and 'we' (so that it reads: "sweet disposition of yours that we know and love). I just think it would flow better that way... But that's about enough of the technical aspects though, lol. There were a few others that I spotted, but I'm sure you can catch them if you give this a quick read-thru, or get a Beta to take a look at this for you. I hate being nit-picky, haha. I just wanna sit back and enjoy the story now, so... ;)

I really liked how you -I mean, Remus- kept counting down the minutes. That was a nicely added touch! I didn't quite understand why the boys were putting their wands to their temples before transforming, as wands are not usually necessary for Animagi in cannon. But that wasn't something that detracted from the moment Remus was having in the scene at all. In fact, I really liked his reaction to their transformations. Your characterization of all four boys was very good, especially with Sirius. He's always my fav in any marauder fic though, so I may be biased there, lol.

This was a nice glimpse into Remus' head, and I quite enjoyed the read! Hopefully this review wasn't too critical for you. I try to comment on everything I see, usually... Thanks so much for swapping reviews with me! I would be more than willing to do it again, if you wanna swap some more! =)

Author's Response: Hiya!!

Yikes! I'm sorry. I didn't realize how many little errors I had in there. I'll have to go back and edit.

Aww thank you! I was hoping that the countdown would add a little suspense to the story. I'm glad that you liked it! As far as the wands to their heads. I know that in the third movie, Peter puts his wand to his head before he transforms and escapes. I can't remember right now if he did the same in the book. But I looked up Animagi transformations while I was writing this, and I found a Potter site that said, transformation can be achieved with or without wands. I just added that in for a little bit of a visual effect. Remus' reaction to them transforming was pretty fun for me to write. I just kept picturing his stunned face and couldn't stop grinning. James' line about himself then Sirius' "annoyed bark" were my favorite parts of the whole story to write. I adore Sirius, as well. I can relate completely haha.

Thank you so, so much! I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! And don't worry about the CC. How else would we all become better writers? Thank you for swapping, too!! I'm up for a swap any time! XD

xoxo Meg


 Report Review

Review #49, by Yoshi_KittenMarked: The Price of Living

12th July 2014:
So I've pretty much missed this entire event. Which is tragic, really, as the reviewing event has always been my favorite one too. :( However, I did finally find myself with some time to do a few reviews tonight, and I thought, who better to show some love too than Dan? After all, his stories are ALWAYS good, and I could use a good read to get me back into the swing of things, lol! So, without further adieu:

House Cup 2014 Review

OMGosh, DAN!!! So, I was just looking back over everything, and I CANNOT believe that I NEVER came back and reviewed the last chapter of this! Holy cow, I totally fail as a Reader, lol!! I remember reading this THE DAY that is was posted too. I seriously thought that I submitted you a review for this. I'm sorry. Better late than never tho, right? ;)

I ended up re-reading this chapter, that way it would all be fresh in my mind again for the purposes of this review. Ohmygosh, after being away from HPFF for over a YEAR, this was just the thing I needed to get me back into reading/reviewing fanfiction again!! I have missed this place; your stories in particular, and all of my HPFF friends so much! You already know how AMAZING I think that you are, Dan, but I haven't said it in a while, so I'll remind you again, haha!! =P

I just LOVE your characterization of Bella. She is completely mental, lol. And I also like how calm, cool, and collected Narcissa was in the beginning of this here too. Honestly, your characterization of EVERYONE in this is just so superb! And I could easily visualize that entire conversation going on in my head, you wrote it so well. I felt SO BAD for Draco though. I can't even imagine what studying with Bellatrix would be like, but I bet that it would absolutely go something like that. *shudders* The whole thing was just so very realistic. Excellent job, Dan!!

I love your attention to detail in the description of the room. And don't even get me started on your description of Draco's first look at Lord Voldemort, lol!! He was just so chilling in this, and you nailed his character spot-on. I mean, it absolutely felt like I was reading this straight out of one of the HP books! I don't know where or how you came up with ALL those names from the Malfoy Family tree, but I loved that addition to the scene here. I couldn't even imagine being in Draco's shoes, and having to go though something like that. It's just so horrifying!! Which I'm sure is what you were going for, lol, so mission accomplished. =P

While I am sad that this remarkable story is at an end after only 5 chapters, I must say that the ending really was perfect. The moment between Draco and Narcissa was so touching, it almost brought me to tears reading it. The emotion was conveyed perfectly, as always. I wish there was more to read, but you're right; there really isn't much more to add that we don't already know from Cannon. This was an absolutely fantastic missing moment though! “Marked” is probly my most favorite fanfiction story on this whole entire site, haha!! I seen your “Detox” story a while back ago too, and I am super excited to start reading that one next. You know what a sucker I am for Draco Malfoy, lol! I have truly missed reading your stories, Dan. Looks like you've added a lot more over the past year tho, so I know what I'll be reading for the rest of the summer. ;)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana!!! What's up?

As far as the event goes, I felt kind of badly about my own numbers. But every little bit counts!

You're so sweet! I really appreciate all of the kind words and I'm really glad that you enjoy reading my writing. Readers like you make me want to keep going. :)

I have a very high standard for Bella, having done so much beta reading for Jami and her unbelievably insane, creepy characterization. I'm never quite sure whether my version stacks up. I was, however, really pleased with how she turned out here.

I felt like the scene in Voldemort's "audience room" was either going to live or die by the small details. When you're scared out of your mind, as Draco was, you tend to fixate on little things.

I am over the moon that you thought I nailed Voldemort's character. He's very intimidating to write, because to me, it doesn't take much of an error to completely screw his character up. Every word, every glance and every movement need to be just so.

I just couldn't see continuing to write past this point. We pretty much know what happened from here on out.

Where this story is set immediately before the war, Detox is set immediately after. Draco obviously does a lot of growing up between the two. I really hope you like it!

Thanks so much for the awesome, inspiring review!


 Report Review

Review #50, by Yoshi_KittenThe Gardener: The Gardener

11th December 2012:
I saw you had a new Holiday story up and figured it was only appropriate to chose this one to read/review first, lol. I've been out Christmas shopping and wrapping presents all day and I'm already in a Christmasy mood, so this story seemed like the perfect thing to read right now. My first Holiday Fic of the season, yay! I just absolutely LOVE Christmas time, haha! =)

That all being said, this was somewhat depressing. Poor Hermione. It must be terrible to feel more like a guest than a resident in your own childhood home. I mean, it's cool that she is at least able to still visit with them by serving as their Gardner, but at the same time it's terrible that they don't remember she is their daughter. ='(

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the way you have portrayed Audrey here tho. I liked her character, don't get me wrong/ And she definitely seems like that type of person whom I would be friends with in RL, lol! But it's just that, given what we know about Percy, and how relatively up-tight/by-the-books he is, I just found it a tad difficult to believe that he would fall for someone who is as outgoing and different as that. I mean, you'd think Percy would want someone who was just as plain and boring as he is! Or at least he would in my opinion, lol... So that was a little confusing to me, but it's really not that big or important of a detail. Probly just me being too overly nit-picky, lol. Sorry 'bout that! ^_^'

I like the contrast you have developed here between the way Hermione normally spends her Holidays, as opposed to having Christmas here with the Weasleys. I don’t know how I'd handle it if my parents were nearly as obsessive and meticulous as hers were growing up tho, lol. I lived in a house of 4 kids, and we've always had a houseful of family & friends over every year, so my Holidays have always been much like the Weasley's. I wouldn't be able to stand having everything be so in-order and uncomplicated, cuz I'm so used to the chaos, lol. But from what we know about Hermione's character, I really feel like the way your portrayed her family here is very believable tho. I could see her parents acting in that way and having everything so in order. It certainly goes right along with neat and organized Hermione always is.

Overall, I really did enjoy this little one-shot. It was very packed full of emotion for being such a short and simple fic, but I like that about it. You seem to be really good at writing emotion and getting the readers to feel what your character feels. Keep up the great work hun, and best of luck in this challenge!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I tried to get in the holiday spirit, but somehow poor Hermione ended up having to help carry my bad day. I can't imagine having to be in her situation, even if it's better than her parents being killed.

Honestly, Audrey was mostly comic relief and I wasn't sure about her at first, either. I slept on it though, and I've grown to like the idea that Percy needed someone absurd in his life to help him get over all he lost before and during the war. He's pretty plain and boring, but I think seeing his family torn apart and still hurting from when he left them, he might search for a way to prove he isn't the uptight ministry official anymore through his girlfriend. It's kind of counter-intuitive, but I thought the story needed a little something happy, even though I totally see your point and agree it's pretty strange.

I've never lived near any of my extended family, save for my grandparents, so I grew up with a more meticulous Christmas like Hermione, although not quite as bad. It was quite a shock when I went out to visit the rest of my family one year and found all the chaos of a massive Christmas. :P


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>