Reading Reviews From Member: Yoshi_Kitten
151 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Yoshi_KittenOut of order: Bad Guy

31st August 2014:
Hello, back again!! =)

Wow, this was such a cool take on Mundungus' character. You captured his inner-voice quite well, I thought, and I liked how you kept him pretty close to what we know of him in Cannon also. I love one-shots like these that give up little glimpses into the more minor characters of the world of Harry Potter. I have never, ever, read anything Mundungus-centered before, so this was neat! Honestly, Joey, like ALL of your story ideas are SO original!! ;)

And you made me feel something ...for Mundungus Fletcher... of ALL people!!! HOW did that happen?? (Lol!!) =P

This was seriously brilliant! I really love the opening line, where he talks about how he is "no bad guy." And truthfully; he's right. Dung wasn't in league with the Death Eaters, he didn't go off and become a snatcher; he was genuinely trying to be helpful to the Order, in the best ways that he know how. You have given his character a whole lot of insight here, and have really made me stop to think... You know, if Umbridge wouldn't have taken the locket when she did, I feel like these snatchers could have gotten ahold of it. If that were to happen, then it could've possibly ended up back in the hands of Lord Voldemort, and that would NOT have been good!! So, in a way, he did a very good thing letting it go free to her – even tho Umbridge is a TOAD!! You did a great job with her character here tho. (:

Again, your attention to detail is amazing! You seem to give every one of your characters a strong voice/personality in everything you write! I totally found myself reading this in Mundungus, and then Umbridge's voice, as each of them spoke. You write dialogue really well, and the conversations between your characters always seem to flow so effortlessly!! This was another really great story, Joey!! I can't believe you did this in JUST 2 HOURS! :0

Thanks again for the swap!! I'm about to crash for the night – been a looong day today! But let's totally do this again some time SOON, okay? I wanna check out your NextGen fic. It'll be really interesting to see your take on a Romance/Humor fic after reading all this Dark/Angsty stuff now, haha!! =)


Author's Response: Hi Deana!

I'm finally getting around to replying to this amazing review. In order to write Mundungus I honestly just said everything I was writing out loud like a stereotypical mob boss in a gangster film. For some reason that accent reminds me of his. And if it weren't for the UnCharismatic character challenge I never would have written this to be honest, but I'm so happy that I was able to make it into an original concept.

Dung is surely firmly on the side of the good guys and I felt he gets a much worse rep than he deserves. I'm not sure if everything about his past was true to canon, but I do know that he never betrayed the Order and that he doesn't deserve to be hated, per-say.

Your comments about my attention to detail are much appreciated. I did some research about their speech patterns since they are canon characters and it's good to know I kept them in character! And yes, I finished this up in just about two hours because I was on the verge of dropping out of the challenge and then very suddenly got rid of my writers block and knew I had very little time to get it through the queue.

Thank you so much for the swap!! This was so great :D

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Review #27, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Springtime

31st August 2014:
Okay, I just cried reading this. I had to put it down and way away for a few and then come back to it... I'm having one of those weird, coincidence moments right now. You see; a family friend of ours just died of a heart attack yesterday. My mom & him were really close, so we spent the whole day today out at their house, partying and having a great time with the family, celebrating Gaboo's life... And then I come home, log onto the forums, and spot your swap request. I come here to read and THIS is what I get: a story about death and funerals, lol. Given all that, this chapter really resonated with me just now. I can absolutely relate to the loneliness and abandonment that Teddy was feeling in that moment when he was at his parent's grave... It gave me chills! And then at the end, when she went so peacefully. It was beautiful, to say the least, and I was really moved by it... That's just one of those weird coincidences life has a habit of throwing at you some times, you know? ^_^; (And I sweat to you that I am NOT making this up.)

Okay, so my theories from the last review were WAY off, lol! Idk why, but for some reason I was thinking that there were going to be a lot more than three chapters to this when I started reading. Honestly, I'm sad that this was the last chapter. I think I am really gonna miss your emo Teddy, and Amy as well. I liked her character a lot in this tho. I really admire her courage and the strength she showed throughout this whole thing. She was quirky, and a perfect soul-mate for Teddy Lupin in this story. I wish they could have had more time together tho. I'm glad she was real tho, and not a figment of his imagination. But I really wanted them to get their happy ending! *cries* :'(

Your writing style is so unique, Joey. (Yeah, I may or may not have stalked your MTA page when I got done reading this story, lol. I see you like being on a 1st-name basis tho; so hi: I'm Deana!!) Anyway, I love your attention to detail when you are writing your setting descriptions. The opening paragraph for this chapter was so well-written! I love the way you painted such a perfect atmosphere of a November day with your words there. Well done!! Thanks again for the swap. I've had such a long day today, but this story has really comforted me. It was nice to come home, sit back and just chill with a good fic to read. This is exactly what I needed tonight, so THANK YOU!! Not just for review-swapping with me; but for writing such a daring, bold, and deeply unique story to even begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed reading every second of this! And I really do hope that you win that challenge, Joey. You totally deserve it, so best of luck!! =)

100/10 (We should totally do this again some time... SOON, haha!!)

Oh, and by the way, I know this is random... But are you having a banner made for this story yet? Cuz I just really feel, like, in the mood to make something right now, lol!! Its been a while since I've done a banner for a dark/angsty story like this one, so I would love to give it a go if you don't already got something else lined up... Got any actors in mind for who could possibly portray Teddy and/or Amy in this fic? ;)

Author's Response: I have never put anything in the 'Reviews that Made your day thread' but I posted this review there and for good reason. This simply, and quite literally, made my day. The fact that you felt a personal connection and felt moved even.. well that's everything I ever started writing for. Giving someone chills is not something I think I have ever done. I can't even start telling you what that means to me.

And I have a coincidence of my own. In the midst of working on this chapter, one of my friends passed away after I pretty long fight against cancer. So, since mactabilicus was a thinly veiled stand in for a kind of "Wizarding cancer," this story got a lot more personal from that point on. The end was a little difficult to write after that, needless to say. So, that may have contributed to the emotion behind it, since it was largely very real. I'm so thankful that it could resonate with you. I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't have to miss either one of them too badly because I'm bring them back! I'm using this to spawn an entire collection of works within this universe. I'm not sure what I'll bring Amy back in quite yet, but I've decided upon writing a story centered upon Teddy's time at Hogwarts, in order to really flesh out his backstory and give more explanation as to how he ended up how we see him in this story. I hope that sounds like it'd be to your interest!

I wanted to portray Amy as a very strong young woman who took everything in stride. She may have seemed a bit too clean cut in this story even. But that's because it's from Teddy's point of view and he clearly has on rose tinted glasses when it comes to Amy. Also, soul-mate is a HUGE word, but I welcome it!!

Haha I appreciate all stalking of my MTA. It is there as a reference point after all! Unique is amazing praise to receive. Thank you so much! I mean, what do I even say to you thanking me for writing a 'daring, bold and deeply unique story'?? I can't even begin to thank you. You've given me so much confidence in my writing tonight. This review is so perfect. I'm going to cherish it forever. We definitely should do this again soon! I have a lot of stories planned, so we'll have plenty of opportunities.

I don't have a banner in place yet at all! If you could make me one that would be so amazing of you! I always saw Teddy as Cameron Monaghan and Amy as Michelle Trachtenberg. Thank you so much for the banner offer and this review!

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Review #28, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Williams' Bookshop

30th August 2014:
BAHAHAA!!! My roommate just came home from work and literally started watching the “Merlin” TV show on Netflix while I was reading this story!!! I just died, hahaha!!! XD

Anyhow, back to you review. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Merlin at first. The idea of someone having a friendship with this corporeal being is spooky, to say the least. I am still wondering if this Merlin is a figment of Teddy's imagination or not tho. I can see now why Teddy considers him as such a close friend tho. They really get along well, and he seems to be good for Teddy to talk to. I like their Riddles, btw. Forgot to comment on that in my last review, lol. And speaking of Riddles, I also found it interesting that you put Teddy in Ravenclaw. It makes sense, given how intelligent he seems. (:

"Most people would probably say 'Merlin knows' at this point, but it so happens that I do not," he joked. OMG, this just cracked me up SO much, haha!! Freaking BRILLIANT!!! =D

If Teddy is 19, why does he have homework? Is he in some sort of wizard college or something?? I think I might have missed something there, lol??

Oh hey, look; Amy's back, yay!! I was really happy to see her back in this chapter again. I think that she is a perfect match for Teddy in this story. I hope that they end up together – providing that this Amy chick is a REAL person, and not just someone who lives inside of Teddy's head, lol. I mean, I really do hope that she is real, but there was something about the way that she just showed up exactly as he was preparing to leave that makes me wonder. That and the way that she jjst agrees and goes along with everything that he says and does... Idk tho, because she did help him get out of that Funeral situation last chapter. The security guy could obviously see her, which would suggest to her realness... But I have this theory brewing tho that, perhaps, this whole entire thing is happening inside of Teddy's head (but why should that mean that is isn't real, haha!!) You see what I just did there? =P

Sorry, it's late and I am hyper right now. Like, the kind of hyper you get when you've been up ALL day and are running on 3-4 hours of sleep, lol!! So if this seems super-random then I really must apologize. ^_^'

The bookstore scene was really cute! Probly my favorite moment of this whole entire story so far. I loved their game, and Amy's answer – ROTFL!! That was awesome! I am totally going to have to play this game the next time I am in a Bookstore now, haha!!

Okay, forget EVERYTHING I just said, lol! The graveyard scene is now my favorit, by far!! OMGosh, that was beautiful!! I am now leaning more on the side of Amy being real too, haha!! And she called Teddy her boyfriend. *squee!!* Good for them. I was hoping they would end up together. Also, I loved Amy's reaction to meeting Teddy's parents. She truly is the most perfect match for him. Please, please, PLEASE tell me that they get a happy ending!! I am rooting for them now, lol. =D

And then there was that illness bomb. BOOM!! You just hit me right in the feels, lol. Oh no, now I am sad again. Although, I loved you original idea/name for this magical incurable disease. You are very creative and I really like your style. I wanna read more of your stuff now after this. Honestly, I love how this story is developing. I think I shall go and add this one to my favorites now!! See ya in the next chapter!! (:


Author's Response: That's hilarious!! I love moments like that.

I am glad that Teddy and Merlin's conversations work well. They definitely should be able to talk and joke with each other, being best friends and all. Thank you about the riddles too! That was another piece of ostentatious symbolism. I tried to do some literary things with this. I'm not sure how they worked out but I tried! This Teddy only felt right doing into Ravenclaw to me, for some reason.

I was a little bit proud of that joke, not gonna lie :P

Oh no! Teddy doesn't have homework! He and Merlin were just joking around about the riddle haha, sorry for any confusion there.
The fact that you think they are a perfect match makes me happier than you know. And I'll assure you now, Amy is very real. I wouldn't do THAT to my readers haha. I did appreciate that little bit of Harry Potter humor :D

Trust me, I understand. I'm answering this review at 7 in the morning and I'm very close to crashing.

If you play that game I will be very proud to have someone using one of my ideas in real life. That makes me seem like a real writer with fans and such lol.

Beautiful is one of my favorite compliments!! Thank you! And they do end up together and are happy for a while, but of course, the whole happy ending part.. well.. I'm sorry *hides face*

Mactabilicus wasn't something I wanted to give Amy honestly. I would have been pretty happy writing her and Teddy happy forever, but I had to :/

Thank you for all of your incredible compliments and for saying that you want to read more of my stuff, that's so nice of you!

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Review #29, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Cousin Larry

30th August 2014:
Hey there, here for our Review swap!! I'm pretty excited about this one too, haha!! ;)

Okay, wow, so your Teddy is truly VERY morbid here!! Truthfully tho, it didn't really bother me as much as I think it normally would. I have a brother who is a lot like this, so I guess his behavior didn't shock me as much since I've dealt with it before in RL. It's funny, cuz my brother is an artist as well, and he writes poetry and song lyrics too... My mom and step-dad were similar to Harry and Ginny here too, in that they eventually just accepted it as a part of who he is. And that's the thing; some people just have a totally different view on life and death than others. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the person, just because he or she likes things that most would consider to be “Morbid”. My brother, for example, is extremely intelligent and quite gifted in his art and writing, as is Teddy here in this fic... Sorry if it seems like I am rambling like a lunatic, lol!! I can just really relate to Teddy in this fic so far, and you have caused me to THINK!! This story already feels like it's going to be pretty deep.

So Teddy is funeral crashing, huh? Okay, so that one threw me a little, I will admit. That was nice of Amy to bail him out tho. Will we be seeing any more of her? She seemed nice, I really liked her a lot. How old is she? Is she Teddy's age or older? And what is up with Merlin? Is he, like, Teddy's imaginary friend or something?? SOO many questions, haha!! Guess I will just have to read on to find out!! I have never heard the song or seen the movie that this is associated with, so everything was pretty new to me here. I like where this is going so far tho, I must say. I was pleasantly surprised by this!! It's interesting and different from anything else I've ever read on this site, and I cannot wait to read more. Thanks so much for posting this swap!!


P.S. Another reviewer (Ribbons, I believe) mentioned “Starving Artists” and she is SO right!! OMGosh, I thot of the exact same story when I first started reading this and saw that Teddy was drawing, lol!! Except, instead of Scorpius, your Teddy in this reminds me more of her character 'Nameless Brooding Barry' haha!!! If you haven't read that story before you should definitely go and look it up ASAP. It will change your life, haha!! =P

Author's Response: Hi!

It's so interesting that your brother is similar to this Teddy! Especially hearing that they're both artists and (luckily) both were eventually accepted as they were. Part of why I wrote this in the particular way I did was to show that Teddy isn't necessarily wrong. He doesn't do on a killing spree. He isn't harming anybody. He's just a little bit morbid, that's all. I'm so glad that you have that personal connection to it. I hope I managed to make this story reach a certain level of deepness. I did set out to address some fairly heavy topics.

Well as you now know, we do see much more of Amy. She's Teddy's age. And Merlin. Well, Merlin is a lot of things. Actually, another reviewer tonight correctly guessed exactly what I attempted to do with him. But above all, he was Teddy's best friend. Of course, that can be read in multiple different ways ;D

I actually plan on taking a look at Starving Artists since I am getting so many recommendations! I'm interested in what it'll be like now.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

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Review #30, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Silence

29th August 2014:
Holey crap... your introduction to this was just simply magnificent!! breathtakingly beautiful, and incredibly deep. I loved every single word of it - no pun intended, lol. ;)

Haha, this takes place on Aug. 29th and that's the same date as today!! Took me a moment to establish that it was Dumbledore speaking at first. Guess I should have know tho, you know, since he has always had such a way with words. Honestly, your writing style is exquisite. you have such a way with words, and you craft your sentences so beautifully here! Their fight scene was so heartbreaking tho. I knew it was going to have a sad ending anyhow, but reading Albus' pov on his sister's death made it so much more depressing. I liked how you had him reflecting back on how he did not cry for her tho, and how he was more concerned about how badly Grindelwald had been hurt.

Wow... just, wow. This was all so very poetic, which I imagine is exactly how Dumbledore would write to a lover. You capture his inner monologue quite well, which is not an easy thing to do. I cannot help but wonder tho; how old he is when writing this? Is it before or after their duel in which Dumbledore takes the elder wand? Is it when Harry was at Hogwarts, is it right before Dumbledore was about to die? Personally, I imagine that he is writing this shortly after being cursed by trying put on the the ring horcrux. He knew he was going to die soon, at that point, so it would make sense that Albus would become more reflective. I could be way off tho, haha! ^_^'

I am so adding this to my favorites, and you will be seeing me in the next chapter soon. I was happy to see that this is not a one-shot, cuz I want MORE, lol!! Thanks so much for the wonderful swap. We should totally do this again some time, as I am now a fan of your writing!! =)

1,000//10 (cuz you're amazing!)

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry for the wait in getting this response back to you - I'm so hopeless with writing these, particularly when they're so lovely, like this one :hugs: And no worries about puns, dear, I love puns - can never get enough of them :P

Yeah, I didn't notice that actually, at first - didn't really think about it... wow, weird coincidence! I didn't really want to sort of say it was Dumbledore at the beginning - I kinda thought it would sort of give it away, but also, it wouldn't really have fitted? Gah, thank you so much - and is it bad that I'm glad the fight scene was heartbreaking? :P It's going to be a pretty angsty story, tbh, so it's sort of the beginning of all of that... a taste of the future, so to speak ;) Grief makes people react strangely - when my pet rabbit died, I laughed (it's true!), so yeah, I liked the idea that he didn't cry - it would impound Aberforth's hatred of him, and all, as well, so it worked well!

Thank you so much! Capturing the style he speaks with was really hard at first - it's so specific to him, you know? - but it sort of seemed to get easier as it went along, so I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, when he's writing this, it's not long after the duel - it'll come up a bit later, little bits about exactly when these reflections are taking place - but yeah, the reflections start after the duel and sort of continue onwards from there, up to his death. It's not very specific, though, but I'm not sure if it needs to be... :/ (Not really sure, though...) Either way, it's perhaps not the most important thing? I dunno...

Gah, thank you so so much! This review was so so lovely to get, and all of the compliments were amazing to hear. I'm just so glad you liked this - and thank you so much for the favourite as well! The swap was amazing - we should definitely do this again! :)

Aph xx

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Review #31, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Misattribution

28th August 2014:
Hello Em, I'm back again!! We FINALLY got internet at home now, so no more dealing with crappy cellphone reception when I am trying to review, yay!! Anyways, I quite enjoyed this chapter. I think I now have a new favorite, haha! =)

You know, I was wondering when we might find out the results of her Alchemy essay, haha! Oh, that professor Cunningham is really a dreadful teacher tho, isn't she? I mean, reading the essays out to the entire class like that! Who does that?? Yeah, I really don't think I like this woman at all, lol. Naturally, Rose Weasley was the best. Not surprised there, lol! But I liked actually liked where Annett was going with her essay, personally, and I feel like she had some very valid points there... But I'm just a nerdy muggle tho, so what do I know? =P

And she is taunting Yang again. I love this side of her so much, lol. I think my favorite part was Clinton's response when she asked him to say something embarrassing. Annett is a genius, and I cannot wait to see how it goes when he finally does try to ask her out! When you shift from that scent tho, back to her classes with Cunningham, I really feel like there should be some kind of break or divider in there, just so that it flows better and is easier to read. (Not sure of you know this or not, but the advanced editor you use to post a new chapter with does have a button you can push to enter a line-break wherever you want to divide a chapter at.)

- I think that this is one of my favorite segments ever, in this entire story so far:
"I am respecting Alchemy. I'm trying to put my own perspective on it. I'm trying to update it. I'm trying to provide aid to the wound that is this lack of progression. I will vie for Modern Alchemy. I do respect the textbook. I read it. Then, I combine knowledge I have gained from it with my knowledge of muggle science and advanced transfiguration. Then I maul the textbook with my own notes. Now the information it contains is updated. My textbook is now progressive. Cunningham's class, however, is not."

Annett is really, super smart, and that bit right there just proves it. Her teacher is so obviously old and stuck in her own ways. She's strikes me as being scared of change and does not want to accept that which she clearly knows nothing about. When Annett said: “I will vie for modern Alchemy” I just got this feeling that she is one day going to become a very renown Alchemist; maybe even better than Nicholas Flammell, and then this teacher of hers will feel really stupid for making a mockery of her in front of the entire class, lol! Her scribbling in her Alchemy textbook like this also kind of reminds me of Snape with his Advanced Potion-Making book. Not sure of you did this intentionally or not, but I quite like the comparison that you have drawn here. (:

And there it is: he finally asked her out!! I seriously thought that she was going to turn him down, right then and there, but she said yes! Ooh, so now she's gonna get him on their “date” perhaps? Haha, I cannot wait to see that! Also, I loved Freddie's reaction. It's really cute to see that they're still joking with Albus about Annett being his secret love interest, as this had been going on ever since their very first day on the Hogwarts express. Honestly, I am kind of hoping that Annett and Albus DO end up together by the end of all this. I think that they would make a super cute couple! One cannot help but to wonder when, if ever, they will discover that Annett is the “Incog. Imp” tho; and how everyone will react if and when they do make said discovery. ;)

Great chapter, dear!! I don't really have much CC to add here, other than that line-break thing to separate the various scenes in the chapter. Your writing continues to improve, and I love how the plot is progressing. You really have done your research on everything for this story, and it comes across brilliantly!! I can't wait to see what they've got going on in the Room of Requirement... See you in the next chapter!!

20/10 ^_^

Author's Response: Yay for internet! :D And a new review and a new favourite chapter. lol (this 'lol' serves the dual purpose of displaying my laughter and being me with my hands up in celebration).

Thank you for another wonderful review, Deana. Your kind words really are encouraging. I'm so glad you liked it.

[insert a thousand more 'thank you'd and a virtual hug because you are too kind!]

Ah, the horizontal line. Yes, I know of it, but no, I stupidly never thought to use it here. It would flow so much better. :) Thank you for helping me improve!

Snape. . . yes, I love Snape.

As for all your amazing theories. . . all in due time, dearest Deana, all in due time. ;)

See you at 'LNW!'

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Review #32, by Yoshi_KittenNym: Into Focus

28th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for our review swap... Sorry it took me so log to get back to this. I git caught up at work.

I absolutely loved this little one-shot tho!! The way you wrote everything was so stunning and so beautiful. Everything flowed so fantastically here, and your characterization of everyone was very well done. You know, you really don't see too many Charlie-centered fics around here anymore, so reading this was like a breath if fresh air for me. I quite enjoyed your take on his character. I guess it never really dawned on me before now that Charlie and Tonks were the same age, lol. I can totally see it now tho! Is that actually Cannon, or did you just come up with the idea for the purposes of this story? Either way; it is a very believable concept, and I love that you have them being such good friends in their Hogwarts days as well. It just makes Tonks seem so much more connected to the Weasley family, and I think that this shall be my idea of head-cannon for her from now on, haha! =P

I love the way that way that you eave the reader guessing as to who hos secret lover is at the beginning. I didn't figure out that it was Tonks until he started talking about her hair colors. Tho I guess I should have know all along from the story title, lol! *facepalm* Forgive me, my blondness is showing right now, lol... That being said, once I did realize who it was I was immediate heartbroken for Charlie because I knew what was coming. Sure enough, he saw her ring and realized that he was too late. I was kind of hoping that he would have still told her anyway, but what difference would it have made, really? Nymphadora was so in love with Remus, and she probly only just viewed Charlie as a friend, so him spilling the beans could have cost him her friendship. :'(

I almost cried when you transitioned to the scene after the battle. Tonks death is always so hard to read about, but you did it beautifully! Your descriptions of everything were so detailed and just... flawless! I really do like your writing style, dear. Thanks so much for the wonderful read, and good luck in the challenge. I haven't read any of the other entries, I don't think, but I definitely feel like this story should place. Everything was just so great, and the emotion you conveyed here was terrific! Feel free to swap me again at any time!! =)


Author's Response: Hi Deana!

Don't worry about the delay at all. I really enjoyed reading your story so it's absolutely no problem :)

I'm really surprised people don't write more about Charlie here. I guess he's not a very important character but he always seems fascinating to me. He literally left all his family for some dragons. If I was writing a longer story I think there must be a really interesting explanation for why both Charlie and Bill choose to work abroad.

It's canon that Charlie and Tonks were in the same year at school but it's not mentioned whether they were friends or not. I think (hope, but am fairly sure) it's also canon that Charlie's talking to Tonks at the wedding. I just felt like it made sense that if they'd known eachother they would have been good friends.

I'm so glad you like the ambiguous start! That's one of the main things I wasn't sure about because I didn't want to make it too vague. I think you're right that him telling her would have complicated things, but who knows what would have happened as a result of that. I doubt Tonks would ever have left Remus, but it might have given Charlie some closure.

Thanks so much for such a lovely review! I'm definitely keen to swap again so let me know if you ever want to :)

Much love,

Emma x

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Review #33, by Yoshi_KittenDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

27th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for your review swap! Sorry it took me so long to finish this, my mother called in the middle of reading this and I had to go help her with some stuff real quick...

Anyways, wow! I love how original this story is already. You are off to a really wonderful start here. I am interested in learning more about Delvin, and how he was captured. Voldemort was very much in character here. I mean, attacking a 6 year old?! His cruelty really does know no bounds. Delvin was really brave tho, acting very much like Harry. I loved it when he called him “Tom Riddle” that was my favorite part, lol! I was sad to see that Draco was still involved with Voldemort tho. For a minute there, I thought that it was Lucius carrying Delvin in... Oh well, I suppose he can't be good in every story, haha. =P

I think you characterized Harry rather well here. Had the war not ended so soon, I could very well see him acting this way years on down the road. I am intrigued to learn the identity of this Death Eater now, and I wanna know why he was so insistent that Harry show him a memory of Delvin. Your descriptions of Delvin's special powers was intriguing also. I look forward to seeing how this develops later. And I can't help but wonder who this Emma character is, and what happened to Ginny?

And hows about that ending? Talk about a cliffhanger, lol!! Was the child they buried the son of this mysterious Death Eater, perhaps? GAH!! You really do know how to draw the reader in, from start to finish. I enjoyed this story, and will be adding this to my reading list. Thanks so much for the swap!! (:

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Review #34, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Creative Output: Mischief

26th August 2014:
And I'm back!! *waves* =)
Ok, so first things first, lol. I'm pretty sure that the students of Hogwarts learn how to Apparate during their 5th of school. So I was confused as to why that was on her class schedule when she's a 6th year now, isn't she? I mean, it's possible that the Apparation laws could have changed after the war tho, so if that's the case then you may just wanna mention that in there somewhere. ;)

- "And his dont-mind-me-Ive-just-been-sha*ging hair.
Bahahaha!!! I just laughed SO hard at this quote, lol!! (:
- "More than the people who raised me and taught me, my parents are my best friends."
Ok, soI feel like this sentence is worded a bit funny here. It distracted me from reading anyway, causing me to reread it 3 times over again before it made sense... However, if you tried rearranging the structure to something like this: "My parents are more than just the people who raised me and taught me. They're my best friends." Do you see how that flows a bit better when you read it?

Ah, I find myself conflicted here, lol. On the one hand, I feel like its really sweet that James named his prank gang after his namesake's group: the Marauders. But on the other hand, I feel like it's just been done before and its a tad old. I mean, he's already got the same name as the original James Potter, and now he has a group called the Marauders too? Idk, I guess I just feel like James II would wanna be more original than that... Maybe? But what do I know? I am sooo tired right now, haha!! XD
I was, however, VERY happy to see that you included Fred II into this new Marauders group. He deserves more than anybody to be in the top pranking group in the whole school, lol. =P

Oh look: Annett's geek is showing, lol!! Seriously tho, I love how nerdy and intelligent she is!! And that diagram of the basic elements was super cool! Where did you get the idea for that? And I really liked what she had to say about the books being so outdated, lol. I bet her teacher is gonna be in for a real treat when she reads that paper. Cunningham was kinda rude tho when she dismissed her question in front of the whole class like that. Good thing people are too intimidated by Annett to laugh at her tho, haha!! ;)

I think this chapter was my new favorite!! We got to see some brief Scorpius/Rose action, there was plotting and scheming involved, you introduced us to a new class that wasn't featured on the HP books, and (most importantly) Annett finally seems to be coming out of her shell a bit!! I'm very intrigued to see where you're going with this next. =D


Author's Response: Deana! Hello again.

It depends when the particular student turns 17. If that happens before or on 31 August of the next year (before the next school year), then that student it eligible to take the course. That being the case, unless the student had to retake a year, taking the class in Year 5 would be impossible.

I'll see about fixing that sentence. Thank you!

About the Marauders thing. It's more about carrying on the traditions of pranking then it is about anything else. More on this in much later chapters. :)

I did my Alchemy research while I did my scientific research. Haha. I'm glad you like that part.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #35, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Yang’s Audacity

22nd August 2014:
First of all, before I forget, the very first sentence of this chapter:
"Sixth year starts as normally as it could, being in a school of magic and all. I am sitting, reading this year's Transfiguration textbook when the door opens."
It is a bit misleading. This statement makes it seem like they're already at Hogwarts, and then all of a sudden they are on the trainride there instead?

I feel like if you added in a few words it would alleviate any and all confusion here. Such as this:
"Sixth year starts as normally as it could, being in a school of magic and all. I am sitting on the train, reading this year's Transfiguration textbook when the compartment door opens."
There, you see how I changed it to allude more to the setting right from the very start? Sorry if this seems overly picky, but it was the first thing I noticed, and it kinda distracted me right from the very beginning...

Okay, so now the real story begins, haha!! It was such a breath of fresh air to see Annett finally interacting with her peers again. I know that her and Al are not necessarily “friends” so-to-speak, but I think I like her interactions with him the best so far. I am now starting to see why she was put in Slytherin, haha! And I think that it was a nicely added touch; having people act like they were afraid of her on the train. I love how aware she is of everyone else, but then she is generally clueless as to how she fits into the overall picture, lol.

And the plot thickens!! People are placing bets on how she will react when this dirtbag asks her out, and she is aware of it now. I cannot wait to see what pranks she has planned to get her revenge on him... Just please tell me that she does not actually end up falling for this boy, does she?? You have made Yang an already unlikable character, and we haven't actually officially met him yet. So kudos to you for setting this guy's part up so well! :)

One other thing that stuck out to me though was Miss. Norris. While I do really like the fact that Annett has befriended her in her Fox form, she would have to be incredibly old by now, especially for a cat. I mean she was there when Harry started school, so add 7 years onto the 19 that have passed between now and then, plus the 6 years that Annett has been at Hogwarts too. That would make her over 32 years, at the least. And that does not seem realistic to me at all, as I am not sure that cats can really live that long. So unless Mr. Filch got a new cat and gave it the same name, you may wanna consider adding something in there to explain this phenomenon, lol. Just my observations. ;)

Anyhow, I was glad to finally see Annett come out of her shell more in this chapter. I enjoyed getting all the backstory and information, but it's also good to have all the introductions and such out of the way now. I cannot wait to see where you are going with this one. On to find out what happens next!! Again, this is such a unique story you have here, I love it!! =)


Author's Response: Deana,

Thank you so much for another amazing review!

I will fix that up right away! Sorry for being rather misleading. :( It's not overly picky, it's really helpful. Thank you.

You caught that about her not being sure how she fits in. :D I had fun with that.

You shall have to wait and see, Deana, you shall have to wait and see. ;)

For Mrs. Norris. . . she is raised in the magical world where humans can live for centuries. . . I don't think it's as much genetic as it is environmental. So, I imagine that different species also reap the benefits of a magical environment. . . an extended life. I'll see if I can integrate an explanation somewhere.

It's all part of being an introvert. Some conversations are tiring, others are captivating. Shyness and quietness shouldn't always be taken at face-value. I'm glad you've been enjoying it so far! Thank you for all your kind words. You're awesome, really. :D


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Review #36, by Yoshi_Kittenwinter, cry.: winter, cry.

22nd August 2014:
OMGosh, I am SO happy right now that you requested this for the Swap, cuz I don't think I ever would have found this story otherwise!! And, boy, did I ever LOVE reading this!! So first of all, thank you for the super-fantastic read! I love the title, and how you told the story thru the winter months of her life. It was all so very good!! =)

This was an incredible take on the Hogwarts Librarian's life. Honestly, I've never really given Madame Pince a second thought before, but you really made me feel something for her. I think I related to her the most when she was being laughed at by the other kids tho. I was bullied a LOT when I was younger, and most of that was because I always had my nose in a book too. (Go figure, lol.) So, being someone who found solace in books and turned to them, rather than people, at a young age; I can totally relate to her here.

"This is the first time a book is her salvation, and it changes something in her."
I completely understand what that is like. When I was her age (at that point in the story) the Animorphs books were what I read to escape, and after that it was Lord of the Rings, and then finally Harry Potter. Kids can be SO cruel tho, and you captured that perfectly. Honestly, THAT was the part that got to me, more so than her mother's death, because I understood exactly how she must have felt there. ='(

I also liked the winter where she was in love, and I enjoyed your take on the nameless-photographer man. It was sad tho, that he never took pictures of her, and even more heartbreaking that Irma knew this was because he didn't love her or find her beautiful. I figured it wasn't going to last, but I was still so sad when he left her for that other woman tho. Poor Irma!

Dumbledore was brilliant!! Of course he would have noticed her spending ALL her time in the library, once she finally discovered it, and caught onto the fact that books were her life. Not much ever got past Dumbledore, lol. He probably had her in mind to be the new librarian long before the previous one retired. Good for him, for finally giving her a true home and a real purpose for her life. That was one of my favorite parts!! (:

And the contrast you made between the two wars; how she was hardly effected by the first one, was a good concept also. It was sad tho, to think that nobody would have missed her if she had died in the first war. I am glad that she was more loved and respected by the time the second war came about. I also loved the concept of her having tea and biscuits with McGonagall. I was glad to see the two of them becoming somewhat friends by the end of all this. The way she stood of for that little girl, even tho the child was going thru her stuff, was amazing. It spoke volumes of how much she had grown over the years.

This was perfect. Just absolutely perfect, hun. Thank you again so much for requesting it!! I am in love with your writing style, and I will definitely have to check out more of your work now. Also, I (may or may not have) stalked your gallery at TDA last night too, lol. You are a superb artist!! I love your art just as much as your writing! Anyways, welcome to my favorite author's list, and I think I shall be favoriting this story as well. I am so gonna recommend this to my two best friends here on the site too, cuz it is just SO GOOD!! Honestly, this is how I will always imagine Madame Pince's life from now on. =)


Author's Response: Oh my god, thank you SO much for this lovely review! I am so glad you liked the weird way I wrote this story ;P

I had never really given Madam Pince a second thought before writing this, either, and it was so interesting to try and get inside her head and think up what could have made her the way she is in canon.

I was impossibly into reading from a very age so I totally relate to her on that too. I didn't really get on with other kids - I was way too shy - so a lot of her childhood experiences are similar to my own, haha.

I was six when I first started reading Harry Potter - I actually kinda taught myself to read properly with it, since I wouldn't let anyone else read it to me - and the series totally changed me just the way books have changed Irma in this. I got so much comfort from the HP series, and then from other books as my love of reading just developed more and more. I tried to show a similar thing with her, how as everything else gets worse she just loses herself more and more in books for comfort.

Writing her in love was very fun, trying to imagine the kind of person she would fall for and then writing the sadness that he didn't love her back. I love writing sad little love stories like that, oops.

I have never tried to write Dumbledore before so even though he was only in a tiny scene I'm really glad you thought he was good! Not much ever did get past him and I like the idea that he noticed Irma in school even though they never really interacted. He always did seem to know which students needed help and how to give it to them, even in tiny ways - like giving Neville house points for standing up to his friends in PS, so that Neville was really the one who won the house cup. I like to think this is him doing the same for Irma.

I didn't even really actively think about the contrast between the two wars but just because of how much her life has changed there is such a huge difference between then and I'm glad you thought that worked!

Thank you so, so much for your awesome review, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story so much!!! and omg I'm glad you like my graphics too, thanks so much ♥


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Review #37, by Yoshi_KittenHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: The Greater Fool

22nd August 2014:
Ohmigawdholycow!!! Has it really been 2 years? Are you serious?!? Dang, it seems like it was only last month some time that I was reading this story before, lol. Where the crap did all that time GO??? 0_o'

Anyways, sorry the swap has taken me so long to get to tonight. Work suddenly got busy right after I requested the swap. Go figure. But anyways, I decided to try and pick this back up right where I left off at. But then I realized that I needed to go back a few chapters and jog my memory as to what exactly had happened in the first place, lol! I have been reading this story for over an hour now though, and man do I ever LOVE it!!! Gosh, did I ever miss this place while I was away at school last year! Your writing especially!! ^_^

Ok, so this was one of my favorite chapters so far, I think. It literally had EVERYTHING in it!!! Humor, love, drama, angst, action – this one had it ALL!! I really love the way you switch scenes and give us different glimpses into what's going on with the other characters in this story all within the same chapter. You are really good at knowing where one scene should end, and the other should begin. I've always had such a difficult time choosing where and when to end my chapters. But you do it do flawlessly every single time!! And that takes some seriously mad-skillz, lol. ;)

And I enjoyed reading everyone's interactions with one another here. And I for one am SO glad that you kept Molly & Arthur around even though they are all so much older now. It makes me very happy to see Molly getting to hold dinners and take care of such a LARGE family. I can imagine that this has all been such a dream come true for her. And she deserves it too, after everything that her and Arthur have been through over the years. And your characterization of her was perfect. Honestly tho, you write everybody in the Weasley clan SO WELL, Dan!! How you keep track of everybody is beyond me, lol. There are so many of them also, yet you manage to give each character their own distinct voice and personality. I loved the bit about how Charlie is still caring for Dragons, instead of retiring, and OMG! George's prank on the children was priceless!! That was one of my favorite parts, haha! =D

The conversation between Harry and Rose was so sad! Yet I really loved reading this tender moment between the two of them, especially what she was brought up the fact that he was “just Uncle Harry” and not the Famous Harry Potter who defeated Voldemort. That was a really great way to put things into perspective, I think. Like her mother, Rose seems to be very wise beyond her years... Also, not sure if I mentioned this in any of my previous reviews, but I LOVE the fact that you paired her with Scorpius!! And their daughter, Octavia, is such a cutie. I really like her a lot too.

OMG, when Rose said this:
"...Not judging, mind you. I'd be doing the same thing if we were talking about Scorpius. But what would you do if you caught me pining over his grave? I mean, assuming that it wasn't me who killed him?"
I laughed so much at that statement!! I really so hope that we will get to see more of Scorpius soon too. And speaking of the Malfoys, I'm pretty sure this goes without saying at this point; but I absolutely LOVE the way that you write Draco, lol!!! Always have, always will!! =P

OMGosh, at the beginning of the attack scene at Malfoy Manor, when the two guards were all like “nothing bad will happen” I literally smacked myself upside the forehead, lol! I was like, “why did you just say that?” Any time someone says something like that, it is a sure sign that something bad is most definitely about to happen, haha. And sure enough, right after he said that, all Hades broke loose!! Honestly, Dan, you write those fight scenes SO spectacularly!! I wish that I was half as good as you when it comes scenes like that, lol. And hows about that ending?!? OMG, I was SO stunned!!! I literally sat and stared at the computer screen, with my mouth gaping open in shock, for like ten seconds or more when I got done reading that!! Holyeffinshiznits, did she really just kill him??!?? Yes, yes, I think that she did, lol. :O

OMG, WHO IS THIS WOMAN!?!?? In spite of all her evilness and such, I really do admire her as a Villain. She seems so much more... Idk the right word. Calculated? Anyhow, her vision may certainly be even more terrifying that Voldemort's ever was, and that's saying something. *shivers* It's no wonder you got Best Villain with her though. I just WISH that we knew who she really was, lol!! Is she someone related to Cannon, or just someone you came up with all on your own. The latter would honestly not surprise me at all tho, considering how clever and ingenious you are, Dan. (:

And again, I CANNOT believe that it has been 2 YEARS and I still have yet to finish this Novel!! Oh, and before I forget, what was up with the book? Was it really the Dark Lord's journal in disguise or not? I am assuming not, since she cast it aside along with Flint. But then, what does that mean? Does she have any other leads? Does said journal even exist? Will they give up? GAH!! I need answers, haha!!! =P

Haha, I was so happy when you requested to swap with me, Dan!! God I needed this so badly, lol! I have missed you, and your fantastical writing so gosh darn much!!! OMGosh, this is just amazing!!

Author's Response: Time flies, doesn't it? And the older you get, the faster it flies...

This chapter had an awful lot in it, to the point where I remember being worried that it was too busy. The Weasley family picnic scene nearly ended up on the cutting room floor, but with the benefit of hindsight I'm really glad that I kept it in. Aside from starting to set up a character who plays a major role later on (Albus), it gives more insight into the guilt and grief that still plague Harry and we get to see the Weasleys in a happy setting before all heck breaks loose later on. I liked giving Molly and Arthur a very happy, fulfilling old age as well. Like you said, it just felt right after all of the sacrifices they made over the years.

I wanted to give Harry and Rose a unique relationship in this story. Rose is very smart, but she has her moments of poor judgment and weakness. She's flawed in that way, very much like Harry. She's impulsive and follows her heart. The relationship between Harry and Rose will play a significant role in what happens later. You will see quite a bit of Scorpius before the story is done. I hope you like the dynamic between him and Rose.

When a character thinks that nothing bad is going to happen, that usually is a tip-off, isn't it? If you like fight scenes, well, I don't want to reveal too much but the best is yet to come. Many more fight scenes that, at least in my opinion, I did a much better job with. Yes, she did kill Flint. Unceremoniously and without a smidgen of remorse. Thus endeth the story's first minor villain.

The mystery woman... well, that will be revealed in good time. Can't really say anything without giving it away. I'm really pleased that you liked the character, though.

The book was exactly what it appeared to be: Draco's (mostly unread) copy of Magical Me. What is the mystery woman playing at? Again, can't say without giving it all away. ;)

Let's swap again soon. I'd love to see how your novel is coming along as you edit it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #38, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Achieving Equilibrium: The Prologue Continued

21st August 2014:
Hello again!! OK, so wow, this was a LOT to take in in one chapter... ^_^'

First of all, let me just say that I LOVE the "Wotters" haha! I have never seen the Weasley-Potter clan referred to in this way before. Personally, I thot this was genius!! That whole 1st half of the chapter was brilliant, really!! Tho I don't know if I would have tried to introduce ALL of them right off the a like that tho. I get that you were trying to overwhelm her, but I don't see where Molly and Roxanne, for example, really needed to be there, as they did not really have much to add to the conversation much... four or five people would have had the same effect as all seven, but that's just my opinion. That being said, however, I really liked how you added Scorpius in there, and I loved the connection that they shared by both being introverts. I feel like the two of them could become friends later on down the road... We'll just have to see if I'm right tho. ;)

When she arrived at Hogwarts, I would have liked to have seen her reaction when she saw the castle for the first time. The whole thing felt a little rushed, honestly. And I'll admit that I was also a little let down with the sorting ceremony too. I wonder what else the hat had to say to her?? And are her and Albus both in Slytherin? If so, then I do hope that you plan on explaining this choice of house placement here within the next few chapters, cuz that is just downright confusing to me, lol!! I really thot that she was gonna be in Ravenclaw with Rose...

Wow, she sure is full of questions, isn't she? I love how curious she is, and I like that you have her spending most of her time studying alone, rather than spending a lot of time out with the others. It fits better with the character that you have create here, I think... Hopefully we will start to see her interact more with some of the cannon characters soon tho, now that her 6th year is about to start. I for one am curious to see more of her relationship with Scorpius, Albus & Rose in particular. As smart as the two of those girls are, and as much time as I'm sure they both must spend in the library; there's no way they aren't friends! =P

One final note I have is that you may wanna consider adding the 'Vulpes velox' onto you list of translations/meanings at the end of the chapter. I mean, I knew enough to know that is was some type of fox. (At which point that annoying "What Does the Fox Say?" song popped back into my head, lol!!) But I had to actually google it to see that it meant "swift fox". Not all readers will be likely to take the tie to go and look that up tho, so a note at the end might be helpful... Also; wouldn't someone notice a FOX sneaking around the INSIDE the castle? Even if it is the middle of the night, I'm sure that someone would have had to notice her in that form at some point? good for her tho, for figuring out how to become an animagus!! Overall tho, I like how the story is progressing so far!! Can't wait to read more. Thanks so much for swapping with me again!! =)


Author's Response: Deana!

Thank you for your extremely helpful review. I love getting different perspectives because of advice like this! :D

I do explore Annett's Slytherin-ness next chapter.

They do both spend time in the library, but one of them has a secret room she's claimed as her private study room. So thy don't see much of each other. Add that to their different houses and they really don't see too much of one another. That's not to say they never talk. . .

Sadly, Annett doesn't consider anyone we friend at this point. That has to do with her keeping to herself all the time. She's only been a fox for 9 months at this point. Because she is a fox and her hearing and sense of smell and all has improved, she can practice not being detected. More on this in later chapters.

Thank you!


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Review #39, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Spontaneous Combustion of Dairy Products: A Prologue

19th August 2014:
Hello again, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here to finish our little Review Swap!! (:

Ok, so this was really good!! I didn't really know what to expect at first, but I was pleasantly surprised when I started reading this. I like your OC so far. She is very intelligent and original. I can tell that you have put alot of time and thought into creating her. I also enjoyed reading her backstory here as well. Her parents are scientists? Now that's something I have NEVER seen in HP fanfiction before. Honestly, the idea is so unique and original. Very well done!! & I really appreciate the fact that, despite being big into science and all that, her parents did NOT decide to experiment on their own daughter. That alone already speaks volumes about their character.

One thing I noticed, however, is that you spend all this time introducing everyone else here; her parents Wolfgang & Emilie, her friends Dahlia & Daisy, and Teddy Lupin (whom I almost mistook for Hagrid when you described a man with dark hair, lol). Even Harry Potter gets an introduction, but then you never once mention the main character's name at all. I even went back and skimmed over it twice after I was finished reading just to double-check on this. I mean, obviously one can assume that her name is Annett by the title of the story. And I get that she is very shy, and she clearly does not like talking about herself. But I feel like Teddy still could've at least said: "Oh, hello, you must be Annett Kluge," or something along those lines, right after she told him that her parents weren't home... Idk, if you meant to not give us her name in the 1st chapter on purpose or not, but that was just something that really stood out to me. If you DID do this intentionally tho, then just disregard everything that I just said, lol!! =P

As far as CC goes; I would consider splitting up some of the longer paragraphs into two separate ones, as it will really help with the flow a lot. Grammatically tho, it was almost perfect as far as I could tell. There weren't any spelling errors that I could see, but there were a few missing commas here and there. And at one point, I think you used a semi-colon when there should have been a period... Do you have a Beta-reader for this story yet?? If not, you should totally consider applying for one. Honestly, I was skeptical about it when I started out here with my first fic, and I didn't get a Beta until I was already like 15 chapters in or so. I regret that now tho, lol. My first Beta was astounding at helping me with characterization. Then my second Beta helped me improve a lot on Grammar. And the girl who is helping me out now is just plain awesome! Suffice it to say; I have made some pretty close friends thru the Beta'ing process here at HPFF. But I'm getting off topic here, haha... The point is, I know it may seem scary to let someone else pick thru your story, but at the same time it is also kinda wonderful to have someone available to just bounce ideas off of and stuff. Someone who is just as dedicated to this story as you are - especially when you get writer's block, lol! So if you don't have a Beta yet, I think you should really consider it. And again; if you DO have one already, then I have made myself sound like a rambling idiot twice in a row now, lol. And you may ignore everything I've just said again!! XD

All technical things aside tho; I super enjoyed this!! The idea of this story is so original, and I feel like this can grow into something huge and very special. That's the only reason that I took the time to say all that, lol. Because I really do feel like this story can gain a LOT of attention and popularity on this site, if done correctly. It certainly seems like it has THAT MUCH potential already, to me at least!! Like I said; the idea is so original, and your OC is so unique!! I just wish that I had access to the internet at home right now. Cuz if I did, I would offer to Beta for you myself if you don't have one already. Unfortunately tho, I won't be able to pickup anything extra like that until around the end of September/beginning of October. My schedule is just far too crazy for free-time right now. *sigh* =/

Getting back to the story tho... Annett's reaction when she received her Hogwarts letter was priceless. The idea of them finding it as some sort of a joke was very believable, considering her scientifical upbringing. It's kind of scary tho; having these two seemingly renowned scientists now knowing of the wizarding worlds existence. But they didn't tell anyone about their daughter tho, so hopefully the secret is safe with them. They don't seem like they will give anything away, but I am curious to see how her parents play into this all in the future as she grows older...

And now I really can't wait to see her get to Hogwarts and meet all the cannon characters. I feel like her & Rose are gonna be good friends, lol. I am also curious as to what house she will be sorted into. I feel like she belongs in Ravenclaw already, but we shall see if I am right, haha!! I am now returning the favorite and will continue to read & review the rest of this as I have time to do so. Honestly, I haven't been this excited about reading a fic here in some time now, lol. But I can't wait to see where you take this!! OMG, thank you SO MUCH for the surprise review-swap, cuz Idk if I ever would have discovered this awesome story otherwise!!! =D


Author's Response: Deana!

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a marvellous review. I'm so glad you like it and that I could provide you with a pleasant surprise (as I was pleasantly surprised by your story. . . I don't normally read out of Next Generation). :D

I feel bad about doing this, but yes I've excluded any mention of her name on purpose and yes I have a beta. I really appreciate the offer, though! That's so sweet of you!

I've been grinning goofily ever since I started to read this and I can't seem to stop. I hope I can fulfil your expectations! Pressure is on now, isn't it. . . lol.

Ravenclaw, huh? The sorting is in the next chapter if you want to confirm your suspicions. ;)

I've also added 'Love, Not War' to my reading list because your beautiful one-shot was too awesome.

Regardless, will hunt for those punctuation errors. :)


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Review #40, by Yoshi_KittenHope: Hope

12th July 2014:
Hey there, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here to review ya back! :)

House Cup 2014 Review

OMGosh, this was so depressing. I mean, I was in tears by the end of this piece. But it was so beautifully well-written though! I think you captured Andromeda's emotion in this perfectly. You really seem to know how to make your readers feel something, which is great. :)

Your characterization of everyone was spot-on. I especially liked Harry in this. Even though he didn't really say or do much, you could just tell that he was trying to be strong and supportive for her. And if anyone can understand how it feels to have no family, it would be Harry Potter. He lost more than anyone else in the war, after all, so I am glad that you chose to have him be the one to bring Teddy to her at the end. And the last line "Teddy Lupin. He was hope" I LOVED that!! Such a great way to end this fantastic little one-shot! Great job hun, I enjoyed reading this. Even if you did make me cry, lol! ;)

And thanks again for reading/reviewing my story as well. I hope that you will come back and check out the rest of the Novel as well. =)


Author's Response: Hello!

I'm sorry I made you cry! But I'm glad you liked it (plus, it was sort of my intention- I did tear up while writing it!) :) I'm glad you thought Harry was well characterized too- he's a difficult character to write!

Thanks for the review!

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Review #41, by Yoshi_KittenIn The Light Of The Moon : How It All Began

12th July 2014:
Hey there!! I am here to swap reviews with you!! Thanks so much for checking my story out hun, I really appreciate it!!

House Cup 2014 Review

So, right off the bat here I did notice some grammatical issues. Just missing commas and punctuation things. Like, for example, with this bit here: "How these three boys beside me ever remained my friend after discovering my secret, I will never know, but will be forever grateful. Which is the reason I am about to vomit from nerves."

"Friend" should be "friends". And then, it's probly just me here, but I feel like the choice of wording when he says "Which is the reason I am about to vomit from nerves." That threw me off a little. I feel like maybe it would flow better if he said something like this: "Having them here with me now, however, makes me so nervous I could vomit." I hope that this makes sense, and doesn't seem too overly nit-picky... It's just that the opening paragraph is so crucial to a story, especially when it's a one-shot. And you've just painted this beautiful picture of the night sky, and set the tone of Remus' emotions so wonderfully. And then that one line at the end just seems to disrupt the flow a tad bit. It's nothing too awfuly major tho. Like I said, probly just me being OCD, lol!! ^_^;

- "There's that award winning, sweet disposition of yours, we know and love!" Sirius joked.
There doesn't need to be a comma after "yours," If you take that out and add in the word "that" in between 'yours' and 'we' (so that it reads: "sweet disposition of yours that we know and love). I just think it would flow better that way... But that's about enough of the technical aspects though, lol. There were a few others that I spotted, but I'm sure you can catch them if you give this a quick read-thru, or get a Beta to take a look at this for you. I hate being nit-picky, haha. I just wanna sit back and enjoy the story now, so... ;)

I really liked how you -I mean, Remus- kept counting down the minutes. That was a nicely added touch! I didn't quite understand why the boys were putting their wands to their temples before transforming, as wands are not usually necessary for Animagi in cannon. But that wasn't something that detracted from the moment Remus was having in the scene at all. In fact, I really liked his reaction to their transformations. Your characterization of all four boys was very good, especially with Sirius. He's always my fav in any marauder fic though, so I may be biased there, lol.

This was a nice glimpse into Remus' head, and I quite enjoyed the read! Hopefully this review wasn't too critical for you. I try to comment on everything I see, usually... Thanks so much for swapping reviews with me! I would be more than willing to do it again, if you wanna swap some more! =)

Author's Response: Hiya!!

Yikes! I'm sorry. I didn't realize how many little errors I had in there. I'll have to go back and edit.

Aww thank you! I was hoping that the countdown would add a little suspense to the story. I'm glad that you liked it! As far as the wands to their heads. I know that in the third movie, Peter puts his wand to his head before he transforms and escapes. I can't remember right now if he did the same in the book. But I looked up Animagi transformations while I was writing this, and I found a Potter site that said, transformation can be achieved with or without wands. I just added that in for a little bit of a visual effect. Remus' reaction to them transforming was pretty fun for me to write. I just kept picturing his stunned face and couldn't stop grinning. James' line about himself then Sirius' "annoyed bark" were my favorite parts of the whole story to write. I adore Sirius, as well. I can relate completely haha.

Thank you so, so much! I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! And don't worry about the CC. How else would we all become better writers? Thank you for swapping, too!! I'm up for a swap any time! XD

xoxo Meg

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Review #42, by Yoshi_KittenMarked: The Price of Living

12th July 2014:
So I've pretty much missed this entire event. Which is tragic, really, as the reviewing event has always been my favorite one too. :( However, I did finally find myself with some time to do a few reviews tonight, and I thought, who better to show some love too than Dan? After all, his stories are ALWAYS good, and I could use a good read to get me back into the swing of things, lol! So, without further adieu:

House Cup 2014 Review

OMGosh, DAN!!! So, I was just looking back over everything, and I CANNOT believe that I NEVER came back and reviewed the last chapter of this! Holy cow, I totally fail as a Reader, lol!! I remember reading this THE DAY that is was posted too. I seriously thought that I submitted you a review for this. I'm sorry. Better late than never tho, right? ;)

I ended up re-reading this chapter, that way it would all be fresh in my mind again for the purposes of this review. Ohmygosh, after being away from HPFF for over a YEAR, this was just the thing I needed to get me back into reading/reviewing fanfiction again!! I have missed this place; your stories in particular, and all of my HPFF friends so much! You already know how AMAZING I think that you are, Dan, but I haven't said it in a while, so I'll remind you again, haha!! =P

I just LOVE your characterization of Bella. She is completely mental, lol. And I also like how calm, cool, and collected Narcissa was in the beginning of this here too. Honestly, your characterization of EVERYONE in this is just so superb! And I could easily visualize that entire conversation going on in my head, you wrote it so well. I felt SO BAD for Draco though. I can't even imagine what studying with Bellatrix would be like, but I bet that it would absolutely go something like that. *shudders* The whole thing was just so very realistic. Excellent job, Dan!!

I love your attention to detail in the description of the room. And don't even get me started on your description of Draco's first look at Lord Voldemort, lol!! He was just so chilling in this, and you nailed his character spot-on. I mean, it absolutely felt like I was reading this straight out of one of the HP books! I don't know where or how you came up with ALL those names from the Malfoy Family tree, but I loved that addition to the scene here. I couldn't even imagine being in Draco's shoes, and having to go though something like that. It's just so horrifying!! Which I'm sure is what you were going for, lol, so mission accomplished. =P

While I am sad that this remarkable story is at an end after only 5 chapters, I must say that the ending really was perfect. The moment between Draco and Narcissa was so touching, it almost brought me to tears reading it. The emotion was conveyed perfectly, as always. I wish there was more to read, but you're right; there really isn't much more to add that we don't already know from Cannon. This was an absolutely fantastic missing moment though! “Marked” is probly my most favorite fanfiction story on this whole entire site, haha!! I seen your “Detox” story a while back ago too, and I am super excited to start reading that one next. You know what a sucker I am for Draco Malfoy, lol! I have truly missed reading your stories, Dan. Looks like you've added a lot more over the past year tho, so I know what I'll be reading for the rest of the summer. ;)


Author's Response: Deana!!! What's up?

As far as the event goes, I felt kind of badly about my own numbers. But every little bit counts!

You're so sweet! I really appreciate all of the kind words and I'm really glad that you enjoy reading my writing. Readers like you make me want to keep going. :)

I have a very high standard for Bella, having done so much beta reading for Jami and her unbelievably insane, creepy characterization. I'm never quite sure whether my version stacks up. I was, however, really pleased with how she turned out here.

I felt like the scene in Voldemort's "audience room" was either going to live or die by the small details. When you're scared out of your mind, as Draco was, you tend to fixate on little things.

I am over the moon that you thought I nailed Voldemort's character. He's very intimidating to write, because to me, it doesn't take much of an error to completely screw his character up. Every word, every glance and every movement need to be just so.

I just couldn't see continuing to write past this point. We pretty much know what happened from here on out.

Where this story is set immediately before the war, Detox is set immediately after. Draco obviously does a lot of growing up between the two. I really hope you like it!

Thanks so much for the awesome, inspiring review!

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Review #43, by Yoshi_KittenThe Gardener: The Gardener

11th December 2012:
I saw you had a new Holiday story up and figured it was only appropriate to chose this one to read/review first, lol. I've been out Christmas shopping and wrapping presents all day and I'm already in a Christmasy mood, so this story seemed like the perfect thing to read right now. My first Holiday Fic of the season, yay! I just absolutely LOVE Christmas time, haha! =)

That all being said, this was somewhat depressing. Poor Hermione. It must be terrible to feel more like a guest than a resident in your own childhood home. I mean, it's cool that she is at least able to still visit with them by serving as their Gardner, but at the same time it's terrible that they don't remember she is their daughter. ='(

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the way you have portrayed Audrey here tho. I liked her character, don't get me wrong/ And she definitely seems like that type of person whom I would be friends with in RL, lol! But it's just that, given what we know about Percy, and how relatively up-tight/by-the-books he is, I just found it a tad difficult to believe that he would fall for someone who is as outgoing and different as that. I mean, you'd think Percy would want someone who was just as plain and boring as he is! Or at least he would in my opinion, lol... So that was a little confusing to me, but it's really not that big or important of a detail. Probly just me being too overly nit-picky, lol. Sorry 'bout that! ^_^'

I like the contrast you have developed here between the way Hermione normally spends her Holidays, as opposed to having Christmas here with the Weasleys. I don’t know how I'd handle it if my parents were nearly as obsessive and meticulous as hers were growing up tho, lol. I lived in a house of 4 kids, and we've always had a houseful of family & friends over every year, so my Holidays have always been much like the Weasley's. I wouldn't be able to stand having everything be so in-order and uncomplicated, cuz I'm so used to the chaos, lol. But from what we know about Hermione's character, I really feel like the way your portrayed her family here is very believable tho. I could see her parents acting in that way and having everything so in order. It certainly goes right along with neat and organized Hermione always is.

Overall, I really did enjoy this little one-shot. It was very packed full of emotion for being such a short and simple fic, but I like that about it. You seem to be really good at writing emotion and getting the readers to feel what your character feels. Keep up the great work hun, and best of luck in this challenge!! =D


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I tried to get in the holiday spirit, but somehow poor Hermione ended up having to help carry my bad day. I can't imagine having to be in her situation, even if it's better than her parents being killed.

Honestly, Audrey was mostly comic relief and I wasn't sure about her at first, either. I slept on it though, and I've grown to like the idea that Percy needed someone absurd in his life to help him get over all he lost before and during the war. He's pretty plain and boring, but I think seeing his family torn apart and still hurting from when he left them, he might search for a way to prove he isn't the uptight ministry official anymore through his girlfriend. It's kind of counter-intuitive, but I thought the story needed a little something happy, even though I totally see your point and agree it's pretty strange.

I've never lived near any of my extended family, save for my grandparents, so I grew up with a more meticulous Christmas like Hermione, although not quite as bad. It was quite a shock when I went out to visit the rest of my family one year and found all the chaos of a massive Christmas. :P

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Review #44, by Yoshi_KittenMan's Best Friend Times Three: Chapter 1: Magical Experiences

11th December 2012:
Hey Tiffy!! OMGosh, I can't tell you how good it feels to finally be reading this story again!! I loved it before and I still love it now. I really like the way you started this with such a strong, detailed beginning. The way you described everything was so great! and the ending was really good too, You can't help but laugh at Vernon's expense, lol. =)

You are SO good at writing ALL of the Dursleys, and I especially felt like everything you said about Vernon was spot-on. You really captured his character perfectly here! I laughed so much when he called Kingsley "Shackleybott," hahaha!!! I really liked your version of Dudley the most tho. You wrote how curious he is about the magical world in such a way that it was all very believable. & I couldn't help but laugh at him when he was in the bathroom talking to Zabini, lol. That was a very Dudley-like thing to have him do. ;)

Aurthur was Aurthur, that's for sure. But given that his son just died fighting in the biggest wizarding war of all time, I feel like he would not have been as cheery as he was tho. You definitely wrote him in character, but with his current circumstances I just feel like he would not have exactly been himself in that moment. But that is only my opinion tho. Either way, your writing is good and I have always enjoyed reading this story hun. I really am glad you're back Tiffy!! =D


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Review #45, by Yoshi_KittenJealousy Games and Deadly Consequences: Chapter 1: A Book, Her Thoughts & Comforting Daydreams

6th December 2012:
OMGosh, KITTY!!! Hey, it's Deana!! IDK if you remember me or not, but we used to talk, like, ALL the time back when I first joined the forums... SO glad to see you back again hun, and very excited that you are back to posting your stories again!! I feel like, since you're starting over here, now I will definitely be able to keep up a lot more, lol! I don't think I made it any farther than chapter 3 or 4 of this the last time, but I don't remember much of it either way. So this is god. A fresh start!! =D

Ok, so for starters, this is a very interesting take on Hermione's home life. I don't think I've ever read anything to where her Muggle-family-life was anything less than a happy one, so I can't wait to see where you take this. I'm sure the new twist will make things more interesting as the story moves on. It's believable and I like how it gives us some background as to how Hermione became such a bookworm... It is weird tho that not a single one of her friends wrote to her over the summer. To me, that part of it was a tad more on the unbelievable side, so I hope you will elaborate more on that in the chapters to come. Maybe her parents are holding all of her letters because they think her friends will distract her or something? I don't know, but that would be my guess, lol. ;)

I like the concept of this new book she bought, ans I like how you are giving us excerpts from it. I can definitely see why Hermione relates to it so much now. I really hope she doesn't start taking lessons from this Cremella chick tho, lol... Hermione's first reaction has me wondering about some things, but I feel like it's too early to start making any solid predictions tho. But I will say that I get the feeling this book is dangerous. There's got to be a reason that someone just dropped off such an old, and seemingly rare book, and then the store keeper left it off to the side all by itself. I think Hermione is right; it is a special book, just maybe not so much in a good way... Like I said, I am a tad worried for her now. =/

Now, normally I do not like the Harry/Hermione ship because I simply cannot see them as anything more than friends. To me, Harry & Hermione are more like brother and sister in a way, so I can't really offer you much on their relationship. I do see that this is marked as a Harry/Ginny & Draco/Hermione ship story tho, so at least that is a bit better, lol. I don't usually care for Dramione either, unless it's really well done, but I already KNOW that your story is good from the last time you had it posted! So no worries there hun, I WILL keep reading on, I promise! :)

Speaking of reading on tho, I know that you have WAAY more chapters of this that are already written... Wasn't this story in clear up in the 100's the first time it was up here? If so, then why haven't you updated yet? I wants MORE already, haha!! Keep up the great work hun, and again; it is SOO good to see that you are back!! (((HUGS)))


Author's Response: Hiii lol It's so good to see you too :D I'm getting back into the swing of things and it's so great to see you again!

Ah yes, this story was in the 100's and I did a lot of rewriting on the later chapters. It's good you get to start from the beginning.

Yes, I know that this story is long but I'm sure you will get through it and I'll try to start updating more of it soon.

The story has it's good, bad and wtf moments but if you can get through all that (and I know you can) then you will make it all the way to the end.

I really really appreciate you reading and reviewing this story. The first chapter is always a bit hard to interpret but as the story moves on you will see!!!
Thanks again for reviewing and reading and sooo happy to see you :D

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Review #46, by Yoshi_KittenHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Fortunes

21st November 2012:
Its me again, back for more already. 2 Reviews in 1 night? Man Im on a roll, haha! Gotta take advantage of having an internet connection while I can tho... Hey, congrats on winning a Dobby for this, btw! I was so excited when I saw that you won for Best Villain this year. But omg, UGH! Who is this mysterious woman? Her identity; or lack thereof, is driving me CRAZY! I must know MORE, haha! You are really good at writing this Mystery and keeping us all in suspense, arent you? Honestly, you writing style is Crazy good!! =)

& you know, not only are you great at writing all of the action-packed scenes, but even the more lowkey moments in this were really good. Like that part where Harry came home and Hermys was trying to do all that he could to help him get more sleep. & then when Harry was trying to get Ron to go home and get some sleep also. I absolutely LOVED the line where Harry threatened to go to Molly if Ron did not leave and get some rest. Lets just hope that it never has to come down to that, haha... I think that having small moments like that help to make this story just as great as all the big dramatic moments do. It shows just how much thought you've put into all this, and it make me love the story all the more!

I am beginning to loath Flint's character, slowly but surely, and in such a way that I desire to see bad things happen to him, lol. When he think that women should relearn their place as well. Grrr. I mean, how arrogant can you get? That being said, however, I do also feel that that line was a great insight into how his mind works. Actually, the whole beginning of this chapter was great for giving us more details about Flint. I just cant believe that hes already planning to betray his new mistress as soon as she lets all of his friends out of Azkaban. If I were him, I would not be so quick to underestimate her, especially if she was the one who gave them that Exussanguis spell. Then again, I also LIKE the fact that Flint is not 100% loyal to her in the way that the Death Eaters were to Voldemort. I feel like this particular point will make things all the more interesting later on down the road... The recruits he found there at the end really seemed like some shady guys. I am definitely intrigued to know more about them and the role that they have to play in everything.

I thot that the secret entrance to the Ragged Fang pub was SO cool! And, you know, Zabini sure does seem to be getting mentioned more and more often here. I keep waiting for him to make an actual appearance in all of this. And I cant help but wonder whos side he will be on, if and when he does, and if he has changed at all thru the years. Like; is he evil as Flint is now, or has he tried to make things right for himself the way that Draco has? Ack! I just have so many questions now... You see what this story is putting me thru? I am one of those people who just can't stand not knowing things like this, lol! XD

I do like Susan's character tho, or at least I am starting to like her. It made me smile when Harry appointed her as the "Temporary Replacement Weasley." & It is good thing, to see Susan Bones following down her mother's career path, and I feel like she works really well with Harry. She knows how to get things done and remain organized in times of high stress, and I think that's what he needs now while Ron is gone. That being said, I am not quite sure that dividing the Auror's was her best move tho. If only they knew about the conversation between Flint & that Mystery Woman at the beginning of this, they would not be so quick to spread their forces out so thin like that. It does seem odd to me that there are not enough Aurors to cover everything tho. I mean, it always seemed like a popular profession to have, and you would think that people would be lining up to work side-by-side with The Great Harry Potter, lol. Especially after they won the war and had this time if Peace... Idk. Maybe Im just reading too far into things tho. Wouldnt be 1st time Ive done that, lol! ;)

I still feel really bad for Harry. I know hes gone thru a lot, but with all of this newfound craziness going on, at least now he has something to help take his mind off of Ginny for a while. I REALLY liked the statement you made here about Harry needing "a reason to feel needed." Cuz I think you're right; that is exactly what he needs again. & At least now he can stop sitting at home alone all the time, debating about whether he should, erm, take matters into his own hands and, umm, join his parents or not... I still cant believe that he was even remotely considering that at one point. Poor Harry. =/

But OMG, what about Hermione?!? Oh dear, I seriously do hope that the healers can get her back up on her feet again soon. & poor Ron as well. He is probably NOT going to take this news very well at all. I just wonder how long Harry can go on tho; having to keep this big of a secret from his 2 Best Friends like that. It must be eating at him, having to keep something like that hidden. Hopefully they wont be too mad at him tho whenever this does all come out. =/

Wow. What another wonderful chapter you have here Dan, and what an ending too! Now I really cant wait to find out what happens next. This story just keeps on getting better and better with each chapter, and I love the ride you have taken me on with this. Seriously tho; I still cant believe that I never came across this story sooner, lol. Its so suburb!! Now Im not sure when I'll be able to review again, but you will definitely be hearing from me at some point, for sure! And again, I am sorry for going missing basically all of last month. I got your wonderful reviews tho, and I promise I will respond to them as soon as I possible can. Please bear with me, as I am doing the best I can with the resources that I have right now. *sigh* & Happy Thanksgiving, since that is just right around the corner from now, haha! Hope your Holidays are great Dan!! =D

Author's Response: OK, let's see whether I can craft another worthy review response this morning!

First off, thanks so much! Winning a Dobby was incredible. It made me feel like people really appreciated everything that went into writing CoB. The nominations alone where a huge thing for me! So thank you for being part of that! :)

A story can't be all action and bombs dropping and curses flying all over, so I'm really glad you like the slower-paced scenes, too. I always worry about those because, for me, they're the hardest to write. Give me the boom, boom dueling scenes any day! I feel like Molly is still a huge presence in the lives of her entire family, even with the canon characters in their sixties and seventies. She just has that sort of force-of-personality. I'm confident that Ron's still frightened of her at some level.

If you don't like Flint, well, that means I'm doing a good job. You're definitely not meant to like him. He's arrogant and self-serving and he's trying to play both ends against the middle, so to speak. His true loyalties are only to himself. But he's probably met his match and then some where his shadowy benefactor is concerned. Underestimating her could be a fatal mistake. The new recruits are exactly what they sound like. They're among the dregs of wizarding society, definitely not the sort of idealists that Voldemort surrounded himself with.

Ha! Zabini's name has come up once or twice, hasn't it? We'll just have to see whether he amounts to anything more...

Over the course of writing this, Susan became one of my absolute favorite characters. So, yes, you'll be seeing a great deal more of her. I do imagine her having a lot in common with her late, famous aunt. The same sort of moral fiber and conviction to do the right thing, for instance. She's a joy to write and it you stick it out until the chapters in the early 20's, she really gets a chance to shine.

Harry does feel better when he has something to do. That's for certain. It takes his mind off of things.

Hermione is alive, and that's a pretty big deal under the circumstances. She definitely has a long, difficult journey ahead of her. All of the trio do. Harry feels terribly about having to keep secrets from his two best friends, but the healer has a point. Neither of them is prepared to know about this just yet.

Don't sweat the timing. We're all busy. You see how long it took me to respond to these wonderful reviews. ;) As long as we keep gradually moving forward, it's all good. I hope your Thanksgiving was awesome, as well, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #47, by Yoshi_KittenHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Strange Bedfellows

20th November 2012:
Hey Dan! Sorry Ive been so absent lately. Now I know Im skipping a few chapters here, but thats only cuz my notes for 4-6 are saved onto my laptop, which is currently down atm... But anyways, I am here to do what I can for now. & For starters, I must say that that Im loving where the story is going so far. Your action scenes are so fantastic, and the pacing of everything is perfect! You cut the scenes off in all the right places & you never fail to leave me wanting MORE! Theres quite a bit going on in this, and I appreciate the fact that you are taking the time to space it all out and give us everybodys POV of these events.

I really enjoyed how this chapter stated with Astoria's aforementioned shopping trip with her sister. They really are nothing alike, are they? I really like your take on Daphne tho, she seems quite vain and materialistic, which I feel is fitting for her. I liked the dress she made Astoria try on, and Astoria's inner-monologue about how Draco would never approve of the garment. Jealous Draco, ha! But when things hit the fan, I like how she instinctively knew where to find her husband at. I like what you've done with Draco & Astoria's relationship. It is strong and completely realistic so far, which makes it all the more believable. She really does seem absolutely perfect for him, and I like the good side that she brings out in Draco. =)

Flint's character is intriguing, as far as villains go. I cant help but wonder who he is working for/with, and how he escaped imprisonment at Azkaban. He is totally evil and sadistic, and kind of a moron - no offense, lol. But the part where he captured Astoria was SO intense, OMG! You had me holding my breath the whole time! This was all so very well written. When he started putting her hands on her and seducing her, it actually gave me chills, it was so good. I was even convinced that Flint was serious about having captured Draco, and thought that they were really gonna torture him if she did not cooperate. I mean, they just broke into the Ministry and put Hermione in the hospital, so who knows what they're capable of. I was SO relieved when Draco showed up & came to her rescue tho.

Thank goodness Hermione & Ernie are alright. That curse they used on her sounds absolutely dreadful. I thought that they had done the Cruciatus Curse on her at first, but I guess that I was WAY off. Lucky the man who cast it on her didnt seem to know what he was doing. But why do I get the feeling that there is someone out there tho, who IS competent in this newfound Dark Magic, and will not hesitate to use it on whomever stands in his/her way? I really liked the name Exussanguis too. How did you come up with that name? I was surprised when not even Professor Dumbledore had heard of this curse before, but then it was even more surprising when Phineas, of all people, knew about it. To be honest, I was expecting Snape to know more on it, if anybody.

- "Ordinarily, this was the point where they would have asked Hermione to look it up." - That quote made me laugh so much, haha! Poor Harry & Ron are still so lost without Hermione there to guide them and find all the answers for them. Its good to know that some things never really do change, no matter how old they grow. Harry & Ron's work relationship is excellent also. Like how Ron automatically knew that Harry was looking over peoples shoulders and making everyone nervous. You can tell that they have been around one another for a very long time now... The Ministerial Security concept is an interesting idea, and its totally something I could see the Ministry of Magic doing in the future. Altho I cannot help but wonder why they wouldnt trust the Aurors - especially not with Harry Potter as head Auror - to do their jobs proficiently. Hoping to learn more on this in the future, maybe?

I feel like you truly nailed the Trio's relationship perfectly in this when you said that Hermione was Harry's best friend & Ron was his best mate. Thats how Ive always viewed them also; especially during DH. Ron left, but Hermione stuck with him thru it all, and Harry & her have always had more of a connection. I feel like she gets him more than Ron does, and they have deeper, more meaningful conversations. They are in no way whatsoever romantic tho - just friends - or more like brother & sister. Which is why I hate the Harmony Ship even more than I do Dramione sometimes, lol. Neither of them are even remotely plausible, and I for one am glad that you also seem to get that as well, lol! I thot it was a really sweet moment when Hermione woke up and her whole family was there. It was good to see Rose and Hugo in the same room tho, and they were getting along too.

And I love how you ended the chapter with Harry telling Draco to help protect "OUR" family. Cuz whether Draco likes it or not, he and Harry have a common ground now and they're gonna have to swallow their pride and work together... Harry & Draco's conversation was definitely the highlight of the chapter for me. I mean, it may have drug out a little bit, but at the same time I feel that all that extra bickering between the two of them was necessary to show off Draco's reluctance. If he would've sat down and just immediately started spilling everything it would have been a tad unrealistic. So I thot you got that one spot-on! I was glad to see that some of their old animosity still lingers between them, & it was fun to read them bickering back and forth. ;)

& finally, PEEVES! His poem about Harry being back was to die for, rotfl! I wont quote it here, cuz Idk if its considered 12+ or not and I would hate for this review to get deleted, lol! But OMG that was great, haha! This is such an amazing story, and it is starting to get SOO good! I just wanna keep reading, non-stop, but no worries. I will continue to sit down and review the rest, just for you, haha!! XD

Author's Response: Hi, there!

So I've been staring and staring at this review, very daunted by the prospect of trying to write a suitable response. You cover a lot of ground and you're so kind and encouraging that I wanted to make sure I had the time to do it right.

Action scenes were always my favorite parts of the story to write. If there's one thing I think I'm pretty good at, it's visualizing a certain scene playing out and converting that into words. My super power. ;)

Astoria and Daphne are nothing at all alike, but they do still share that sort of sibling bond. No matter how foolish and obnoxious Daphne might be, Astoria still cares about her. She just doesn't allow herself to be overly constrained by Daphne's foolishness. And she does truly enjoy pushing the limits of her husband's comfort zone. His jealousy and overprotective nature bring out certain behaviors in him that she finds quite endearing.

I think you hit it just right in your comments on Flint. He definitely didn't get out of Azkaban due to his brains or his charm. His... let's just say "benefactor" for lack of a better term, is pulling all the strings. He just doesn't realize it yet. A lot of things will start to become clear over the next few chapters.

Hermione managed to survive, but she has a long, difficult recovery ahead of her. The man who cast the curse was indeed incompetent, and you'll find out quite soon who he is. Exussanguis is slightly bastardized Latin. It essentially means "fire of the blood". Nothing too fancy, but I thought it sounded good in a pinch. Phineas Nigellus lived during a time when many more dark curses were commonly used, before the Wizard's Council and then the Ministry of Magic clamped down on dark spells to help preserve the secrecy and safety of the wizarding world.

Ministerial Security was created after the trio were tried and acquitted for the murder of Ginny's killer. It was essentially a message from the Minister that he no longer completely trusted Harry and Ron. It was also about political control, giving the Minister his own personal police force of sorts. Throughout history, the ploy has been used by dictators to help solidify their control. Not saying that's where things are heading, at least not yet. ;)

That quote about Hermione being Harry's best friend has generated a lot of reactions from my reviewers, some good and some bad. Personally, that's how I think of Harry and Hermione. They're like brother and sister, only they don't fight as much. ;) And she probably understands him better than anyone, because they both come from the same background and went through nearly everything together during their school years, including all the times that Ron was acting like an idiot.

I struggled a lot with how long to make Harry and Draco's conversation. I thought about shortening it, but I couldn't figure out which part to take out. In the end, I guess I'm not 100% happy with it, but I'm just not sure how I'd make it better without messing it up. The basic message would always stay the same, though. They do have common family now and they need to work together to keep them safe.

Yeah, Peeves is known for his bawdy, non-12+ sense of humor. That was fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you so much for such a long, detailed, well thought out review! I promise I'll respond to your next one sooner, although it also needs a lot of thought. ;)

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Review #48, by Yoshi_KittenBefore They Fall: Hogwarts Express

19th November 2012:
Back again! Omg, wow! You are an extremely good Angst writer, I'll tell you that! The way you can convey emotion on a page is fantastic! I almost teared up myself here; you made me feel so bad for her. I am fortunate enough to still have both my parents around, so I can't really say that I know where she's coming from. But Lily's feeling in this are pretty much how I'd picture it to be; absolutely hopeless. The poor dear, I really do hope that things start to get better for her soon tho. :(

James is a rock. I love how strong you have made his character here. The was he supports her and comforts her is so sweet and loving, you can definitely see how much he cares for her. I am excited to see their relation develop more and more as this story goes on. The scene between him and his mom was so sweet. I really do like Mrs. Potter a lot in this, and I am going to miss her character while they are at Hogwarts. James is quite lucky to have such a truly wonderful family. :)

Loved the side-mentioning of Remus there, and I was also very happy to see Peter making an appearance. I always HATE it when marauder stories just cut him out completely. I mean, hello, there were 4 Marauders - NOT 3! Peter's character is so complex. He's a tough one to write, or at least he is to me. We see what he becomes in Cannon, but how he gets that way is basically all a fill-in-the-blank. I mean, he obviously wasn't all bad, if Lily & James trusted him enough to be their secret keeper over Sirius. Even if they were only doing so because Peter seemed like the less-likely choice, that still would've taken quite a bit of faith to make that decision, you know what I mean? So I'm looking forwards to watching him develop in this more, and I hope he will continue to have a role to play all throughout this story now.. Sorry if I'm being too presumptuous by the way, lol! ;)

Grrr. I really wish Sirius would have just told James whatever the big secret was tho. I wanna know more about what happened the night of Lily's parents death. I have a feeling that is was more than just a car crash... What is Sirius hiding? Hope to hear more on this soon also.

The train ride there was also really good. I especially liked the way you described the older compartments. Your attention to all the smaller details there was great, and it really helped me to visualize everything in my head. That Violet girl is a right piece of work tho, isn't she? I mean, like Lily said, there's no way she could have known, but still. Lily was obviously all the way at the back of the train because she wanted some time alone... Braggy people like that have always bothered me tho, lol. I just hope that Lily can adjust to being around people again, especially once everyone starts to hear about what happened to her parents. Cuz you know it can't stay a secret forever - it's Hogwarts, haha! XD

This was another really strong chapter, and the ending was absolutely perfect! That last line instantly reminded me of Harry, and how he always viewed Hogwarts as his home too. So I thot that was a nicely added touch there. Can't wait to read what happens next! =)


Author's Response: Oh goodness this review was so amazing to log in and find ♥ I've been away on an awesome but exhausting trip, so I hope this makes sense :P.

I love how well you take in the characters, and that you think I'm doing them justice so far! I hope you like watching James and Lily grow and develop together, though I have to warn you that it won't be a speedy process, haha.

Heheh Sirius is a sneaky boy, but because others have speculated that it is something romantic I will tell you it's definitely NOT. haha. And you find out exactly what happened in chapter 8 :)!

You have no idea what your amazing reviews mean to me, I can't wait to read more of AiNFiLaW tomorrow when I can see straight after a good night's sleep :P.

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Review #49, by Yoshi_KittenBefore They Fall: Sirius Black

15th November 2012:
Hello, it's Roxi from the Gryffie Common room!! I'm so glad that we got paired together for this month; it's an honor to be picked to read/review your fic hun. I've actually been meaning to give this story a read for some time now anyways, so now I have the perfect reason to finally be motivated to get to it, haha!! That being said tho, I can't guarantee that I will get thru to all 11 chapters before the month is overwith, but I will certainly do as much of this as possible, I promise. (Side not before we get started here; I absolutely LOVE the banner for this! Your artist did a fantastic job of it!!) :D

Ok, so wow, right off the bat I can tell already that you are a terrific writer!! I love the way you set the mood of the scene in the very beginning. Your descriptions and attention to detail is amazing!! You had me fooled there for a minute, cuz when you said "3 Potters" I at first thot you meant James, Lilly and Harry, lol! ^_^'

I really like how soft Mrs. Potter is in regards to her feelings about Sirius. She seems to view him as a second-son and I like that. It seems very appropriate and in-character for her, if you know what I mean? Sirius and James are like brothers, and that is that way it's supposed to be... In my mind at least, lol.

Sirius is already making a grand entrance, I see. That is so like him. It definitely added a nice bit of humor to the scene when Mrs. Potter started getting on him for bewitching the bike. (Love the name Olivia for her too, btw.) I really enjoy how in-character all of your people are already, it makes for a great read!!

Poor, poor Lily. I felt SO bad for her at the end of this. I actually almost teared up a bit myself. I mean, I knew her parents were supposed to die eventually, according to cannon, I was just shocked to see it happen so soon. It's definitely a good way grab the readers attention and draw people in, that's for sure. It was just so sad. ='(

Overall, I really liked this first chapter and I am definitely interested in reading on to find out more. I have added this to my favorites now and I can't wait to see what happens next! Very well done hun, see ya in the next chapter!! =)


Author's Response: Hi there! Yay I was so happy to see you here! I really love the banner as well, I was so impressed with how well it turned out!

I absolutely agree that Sirius and James would be very much as close as brothers can get, even if they aren't real brothers. And I always think that Olivia and William were so thankful that their son met that kind of friend and would have loved them as much as their own son, so I'm extra happy it felt that way to you!

Ahh I know what you mean with Lily's parents ;( And through this story we get flashbacks from Lily sort of telling the story of her and Petunia, so those of course involve her parents, and it makes me even more sad to remember that they're gone :(. But! I've made up for it in my head because I'm keeping the Potters around as long as possible :P

I am so happy you liked this chapter, and even more happy I paired us together because I really enjoyed your first chapter of All is NOT Fair, so I'm very excited to get time (hopefully today) to get to the second chapter of your story!

Thank you so much for stopping by m'dear!

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Review #50, by Yoshi_KittenHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology

30th September 2012:
You know, and I swear to you that I am NOT trying to make up excuses or anything here, but a part of the reason that it has taken me so long to actually sit down and write this review is because I honestly did not even know where to begin at. This chapter literally left me speechless, lol! I mean, there was honestly nothing about this that I didn't like; I loved everything about it, from beginning to end... So I guess I'll just go ahead and read my way thru it again, working my way down as I go this time.

Soo... Ron & Hermione. Again, its so hard to imagine them all so much older, but I feel like you have made the age transition happen so flawlessly. Their relationship is solid, and much how I would imagine it to be sixty years down the road. They're still Ron & Hermione, thru and thru tho, and you nailed their characterization perfectly! The whole entire thing about how advanced the Muggles are becoming was great too! I can just see the Trio, all grown up, sitting out on their porch having lunch on a day like this and conversing about Muggle technology. Bahaha! Ron confused "operation" for "manipulation". He’s so much like his dad, lol. And speaking of Aurthur Weasley, I really liked what all you have done for his character in this as well. I was glad to see that his obsession for Muggles did not die with his even-older age, haha! Cant believe he's going on 100 tho, that’s so cool that he's lived so long. I am genuinely happy for him. :)

I think the fact that you, or shall I say the combined efforts of Hermione and George, have found a way to incorporate some Muggle technology into the Wizarding world with the magical wraps was interesting. I really liked the idea of a Magical Glass that can shield the effect magic has on computers, TV's, cell phones and such. I feel like that'll make the story all the more interesting later on down the road. And the best part is that your way actually makes sense too! Seriously, how do you come up with such super amazing ideas like that?!? And I am also glad that the Weasley family is no longer poor now. With all they've been thru, they deserved a bit of prosperity. And you even found the perfect way to give it to them, I love that! ^_~

The various charities that Harry had started were very touching, especially the Remus Lupin Center. I am so glad that Harry found a useful way to share his fortunes with the world. All of the charity organizations you named off were great, and I felt that having Harry do all of that was very in-touch with his selfless side, and it was very much in character of Harry as well. Also, I like that Hermys is Kreacher's son. That part made me smile as well! And I like how Harry still feels the need to cast muffliato when he wants to speak to his friends in Private. "Old habits die hard." Ain't that about the truth! I wasn't expecting to hear about Percy tho, poor guy. I hope that he is alright... Ron says its a Mid-Life Crisis, but why do I feel like there is more to it that that tho? ;)

Poor Harry, all alone in that big house with nothing else to do but look back on old pictures. I feel SOO BAD for him! It's a good thing that Rose and Octavia showed up when they did. Love that name btw; Octavia is totally a Malfoy-sounding name, haha! Rose seems like such a good mom, and Octavia is just the cutest most rambunctious kid ever. (Loved the Super Mario reference btw, lol!) I guess if I had a "Perfect" little brother like Hugo I'd be a tad bit jealous too tho. I mean, I'm happy for Hugo, and I feel like he deserves to be happy too, but it doesn't really seem like he considers his sisters feelings very much, does he? I can't wait to see more of Teddy's character tho, he was mentioned a few times here, so I am hoping to see more of him.

The Bogart scene was... scary, to say the least. While I like that it gave up some insight to Ginny's death, holy cow! I could not even imagine what I would have done of a Bogart had shown something like that to me. Its no wonder Harry and Rose were frozen in place. Lucky Octavia is so fearless tho, she totally saved the day. I am curious as to where she was when Ginny died tho. Did she witness it as a baby or something? Guess I'll just have to wait and see... Octavia is just so sweet and innocent, as most children are. I really do love her character already. I hope we will be seeing more of her also. :)

And I know the blasted word-Count thing is gonna cut me off soon, so I can't really go into further detail on everything that I'd LIKE to here, but I will say one last thing: You are so superb at capturing characters of ALL ages, and it gives this story so much depth! I already love this so, SO MUCH!!! I can't believe I didn't come across this sooner, haha! =D

Author's Response: Hello, again!

So this chapter is the one where I shovel out the majority of the back story that fills in the gap between "19 years later" and "Harry grieving for Ginny under the willow tree." I'm still not 100% happy with it. Some of the delivery still feels kind of forced to me. But there's information that needs to get out there and this is the chapter where it happens. So I'll have to continue to feel lukewarm about it. :-/

Probably the hardest part of writing this story was trying to make the trio and the other very well-known characters easily recognizable while still aging them in a believable way. I think that sometimes I do well and sometimes not so well, but Ron and Hermione are probably the two that I feel best about. I tried to keep the main dynamic of their relationship -- the way they frustrate each other and yet secretly revel in the frustration -- intact while changing the subject matter that they bicker over. Since this is happening in the mid-2040's, it was inconceivable to me that muggle technology *wouldn't* have advanced considerably. Another key idea that runs through much of the story is this idea of the wizarding world feeling threatened by the relentless advance of muggle technology.

I wish I could take sole credit for the idea of using genie glass to protect muggle electronics from magic, but I can't. That was borrowed from a wonderful story by the illustrious Mrs_Granger that remains one of my favorites on the Archives to this very day. But the concept of building it into a prosperous business was the twist that I brought to the table. Just based on Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, I always felt like Fred and George were destined to be very successful. You'll see more of George's ingenuity as the story rolls on.

Rose and Octavia make things better for Harry for a while, but then things sort of turn on him. The boggart figured out just how to go after the two adults, and created a terrible moment for Harry and Rose.

Octavia is a centerpiece of the story, not to mention one of my favorite recurring characters. She will be around until the very end, as will her Great Uncle Percy. They both play very important roles. Keep an eye on the two of them. As far as where Octavia was and what she was doing when Ginny died... well, you'll find out as the story progresses. ;)

I really enjoyed writing a wide variety of character ages and backgrounds in this story. That kept it very interesting for me. Without it, I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun and I don't think it would have been nearly as good.

The character limit is a pesky thing, huh? Turns out you can hit it on review responses, too. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Until next time...

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