Reading Reviews From Member: Yoshi_Kitten
  
158 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Yoshi_KittenThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: Bitter Conversations

18th April 2016:
Gabbie!! OMGosh, I am SO SORRY that it took me so long to get to this. I absolutely fail at review-swapping, lol! Let's see if I can make up for the incredibly long wait with a satisfactory review, lol!! =P

Okay, so first of all, it is absolutely wonderful to be reading this story again!! I re-read chapter 1 again also, just to refresh my memory, and I loved it even more the second time around!! I know I was a bit leery of this type of thing at first, but I am 100% in love with the story now! Audrey has really started to grow on me, especially when she is interacting with Percy, lol.

I am glad you took the time to give her backstory in this chapter, and I think it is awesome that she is putting herself through college. The poor thing barley has any time to think, it's no wonder she seems so one edge sometimes. And her family history is so tragic, the poor girl. I can't believe her brother just stopped talking to her. I do know what that's like, unfortunately, cuz my sister did the same thing IRL last year. Will he ever make an appearance in this story? I would hope that he would come to her wedding, but we shall just have to wait and see… Speaking of that though; I really hope that Audrey marrying Percy and joining the Weasley family will fill that void for her. She deserves to be in a big happy family like theirs, after all she's been through.

The two of them have such amazing chemistry together already, and the witty banter back and forth between them is very well done!! I especially love the way that they address each other as Mrs. Tang and Mr. Weasley. I just want them to be together already, and for Percy to tell her the truth about his world!!! GAH!!! There seems to be some obstacles that they will have to overcome before that can happen though. For example, Percy seems exceptionally moody. I get the feeling that there is more to his current state of depression other than Fred's death, but I could be wrong though.

I know this was a longer chapter than most would prefer, but it flowed so well that I barley noticed the length. Besides, I am guilty of writing lengthy conversations myself, so I really can't complain about that at all, lol! Seriously though; you write dialogue so amazingly well, Gabbie!! Everything from the time Percy woke up, to when he left with her book was brilliant!! His reaction to waking up in a stranger's house with little clothes on was great!! And I also loved his fascination with all of her muggle things!! When she said that the remote to the TV was “like magic” I laughed SO hard! Oh, if only she knew, haha!! =P

One tiny little thing I noticed here that was odd was when the child out on the sidewalk pointed Percy out to his mother, this getting Audrey's attention to the fact that he was there… Isn't it like one o'clock in the morning or later at this point? IDK what time the club closes, but didn't she just get off of work and hit up that burger joint on her way home? I may not have been following this correctly; so if I am wrong, then please just ignore this comment… But if it is that late out though, it just strikes me as weird that a little boy would be out with his mother at that hour. She lives in the muggle world, so I know there should be some sort of curfew laws in place, lol! I just don't see why any mother would be out on the street that late, when all the shops are closed and the only thing open are bars. Perhaps you could use some other element to get her attention there instead of a child? Again, if it actually is the middle of the day here and I read something wrong, just ignore this, lol! ^_^'

Overall this was an amazing chapter, and I cannot wait to read more!! You have created quite an amazing, intelligent, and strong OC here. Audrey is growing on me, and I am excited to see her and Percy's relationship as it progresses. I am especially excited for her and Hermione to meet. I'm sure Hermione will appreciate Audrey's collection of Shakespeare and Poe, lol!! I cannot help what Molly will say when she hears about Audrey's profession though. Will Percy even dare to tell his mother about that? If so, that will be interesting to read too, I'm sure!! ;)

Again, I am SO SORRY that it took me all week to get to this, hun. I really am enjoying this story tho, and I will be reading/reviewing chapter 3 ASAP, I promise!! Feel free to swap with me again any time!! Great story Gabbie, keep up the amazing work!!! ♥

~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! *Squish*

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this chunky and awesome review! It was so nice to hear from you and I totally enjoyed our swap so we must do it again sometime! ;D

I think that a lot of people are kind of put off by Audrey and I suppose it's because of how crass she tends to be. She's not everyone's cup of tea but what I like about her is that she's always pushing forward. I thought this chapter needed to hint at her background and show just how far she's come.

I have it in my mind that her brother does come back but he might not reunite with her so well as to come to her wedding. Audrey hasn't seen him in a long time and she's had to struggle on her own, so I think that it'll be really tense between the two. She does want a big family though and I feel like being with Percy might help her see that she can be loved in the same way she helps him understand that it's all right to be himself.

Percy and Audrey have hilarious banter! I think half of their relationship is witty remarks towards one another. The Weasley and Ms. Tang gag goes on throughout this whole story. Haha.

Percy IS very moody and he has a lot of dark secrets that will be revealed soon that might make their relationship harder. It does have a lot to do with Fred but then, it's the afterward that matters the most to me. What was he like after Fred died? I think a lot of what is wrong with him stems from that question.

My chapters are ALWAYS kind of chunky and I try no to do that so much. Hahah. I'm glad that it flowed well for you though because this wasn't the chapter that I was very proud of. It was very fun to write though and I loved everything about Percy's interactions with Audrey. Hahah.

The line about the remote always makes me snort with laughter. Hahaha.

Okay, I have gotten another comment about the mother and little boy. I have never really liked that particular scene and after reading what you had to say about it, I will go through and change it. It just doesn't seem to fit so I may just take it out entirely so thanks so much for pointing this out!

Audrey is a pretty strong woman but at the same time, she has her vulnerable side too. I love her a lot as an OC and I hope you stick around to see how her relationship with Percy progresses! I do believe she and Hermione will be good friends. Hahaha.

Thanks for the awesome review!

Much love,

Gabbie



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Review #2, by Yoshi_KittenSirrah Malfoy: Introduction

16th April 2016:
Hey Nix!! Surprise, lol!! RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for the Slytherin Review Tag... Although, I could have sworn that I had at least reviewed the 1st chapter of this for you, like way back in the day, lol!! Cuz I totally remember this story, and in my checkoff list, I have it marked that I've already read clear down to chapter 7. Idk why I apparently never left you a review before, but I'm here now!! And I know that we have at least discussed Sirrah before, haven't we??

Anyway, I love her!! She is so sassy, and her inner dialogue is very entertaining to read. She is quirky and a little bit on the spoiled side, you can tell. Especially by the way that she works her mother, lol. That was brilliant!! It's sad that Draco doesn't give her enough attention, but I could totally see him doting on his son more tho. So that was some very good cannon characterization there!

I cannot help but wonder how Scorpius feels about this tho. Do he and his sister at least have a decent sibling relationship, or are they more rivals? Sirrah doesn't talk too much about her feelings toward her brother here, so I cannot wait to see what is revealed about their relationship in future chapters!! ;)

Only bit of CC I can offer her is to watch switching your tenses. For example; when she says: :I hated side-apparating." I think 'hated' should be 'hate' instead. There were a few other instances of this as well, but it's an easy fix!

Everything else was perfect, Nix!! This was a brilliant introduction chapter, and you have developed a really strong OC here!! Also, I LOVE her name; and I love the fact that she hates it too, lol!! Sirrah has such a strong personality, and I enjoy reading from her POV. I cannot wait to read (well, re-read at this point, lol!) more and see where this goes!! I was so happy to see that you were working on this story again in your status updates on the forums. YOU CAN DO IT, NIX!! I will be here to cheer you on, lol!! See ya in the next chapter!!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi! Well, this was a surprise! Erm, sort of. I did see your post in the Review Tag before I saw the review, but it was still a surprise nonetheless. I think we have talked about Sirrah, although I also cannot remember if you ever reviewed it. But that's okay! You're here now, anyway.

I also love how sassy she is! And her inner dialogue is so much fun to write. I'm trying to bring that back a bit more, I feel like it's gotten a bit lost in the story of late. She is spoiled, that's for sure. She gets what she wants, for the most part. But that doesn't mean she doesn't work for what she wants. She does know how to work her mother but of course, she's been very much affected by Draco's lack of attention to her and over-attentiveness to her brother. You know, that's an interesting thought, it never really occurred to me how Scorpius might feel about this... but he's also kind of a selfish jerk so... maybe he doesn't think anything on it at all? I don't know, I'll have to think about that. I'd definitely say they are more rivals than anything. But that doesn't mean they don't occasionally have a decent relationship. It's a bit twisted, really. I do go into a bit of detail on this in a later chapter.

I am bad a tense switching, I will admit. But I get what you mean.

Thanks so much for this lovely review! I'm so glad you love Sirrah! She is quite a fun character to write. I love her name, too. Although I don't think she hates it? She might hate the tradition, but there are so many worse names I could have chosen. I AM trying to continue this! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! I just need to work on it a bit more.

Thanks agian for the review!

xxNix


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Review #3, by Yoshi_KittenYou Are Beautiful: Happy Anniversary

12th April 2016:
Hello my little JaydePuff!! Just stopping by your lovely AP here for the Staff appreciation week!! ♥

OMG, this little one-shot is so BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so happy that you chose to write this about the Molly/Arthur relationship. They were the PERFECT choice for this challenge, I think!! And your characterization of both of them was spot-on; especially with Arthur. This little story was so beautiful, and the emotion was so well written that I had tears in my eyes as I was reading this. Happy tears, of course, lol!!

Your writing style is beautiful and eloquent as ever, Jayde. You really made me FEEL something here, and I love that about this piece!! The way that you have captured their relationship is so endearing and so believable. I am in love with Arthur's idea of the letters. Idk how in the world he managed to keep something like this a secret for all of these years, but if anyone could do it; Arthur Weasley could! Molly's reaction was perfect too, and just so sweet! Then I also loved it that he used her nickname too, haha!! That was such a cute little addition, and it made me smile. :)

Honestly, the only small bit of CC I can think of here, is that the gap between the letter after Fred's Death and then the last one was a bit much in comparison to the dates/time-frame in between all of the others. Perhaps you might consider going back and maybe adding in one more letter in between, like maybe around the time that their first or second grandchild was born, perhaps. And then they wouldn't stop off on such a sad/depressing note as well. You don't HAVE to add anything though, of course, because this is absolutely perfect the way that it is!! It's just that, for me personally, I would have loved to see a little bit more. But that's only because I was enjoying the story so much, lol!! ;)

I hope you do well in the challenge you entered for this. Honestly, I haven't read any of the other entries, but this one is just SO BEAUTIFUL, I really think that it deserves to place, lol!! Please let me know how you do, and keep me updated it you do decide to write more. Love ya hun, and good luck!!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: D.E.A.N.A! ♥

Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to read and review this, I was so excited to read your thoughts on this since you really helped me SO much with it! (I'm still going to go back and thank you in an Author's Note, by the way, I haven't forgotten!) *Squish* And thank you for participating in the surprise Staff Appreciation week! I can't tell you how much it meant to all of us!

Haha, I agree that Molly and Arthur were a great choice here, and YOU helped me see that, so credit for that definitely goes to you, lovely! ♥ Aww! Thank you SO much for your sweet compliment, I'm so glad to hear that you think their characterization was good and that this was beautiful and you could feel the emotions!! *squish*

Eeeek! STAHP it, you're going to make me cry! I can't tell you how flattered I am that you think my writing is beautiful and eloquent! I'm SO pleased that I could make you feel something here, as that's definitely what I was aiming for! Hahah, being honest, I really don't know how Arthur managed to keep the letters a secret for so long either, but I definitely agree that if someone could find a way, it'd be him! :P And I'm glad you liked the use of the nickname. Honestly, I wasn't planning on adding that bit, it just jumped in there on its own. And, after reading everyone's comments about it, I'm so happy that it did! :P

Thank you SO much for the feedback! You're absolutely right, there is quite a bit of a gap between the 'Fred' letter and the last one, and I'm definitely going to try to think of another letter to go in there at some point! For right now, I was just focused on trying to finally write something for the first time in FOREVER, and also complete it before the challenge deadline, plus I've never written an epistolary fic before, so I was a tiny bit concerned about having TOO much letter in there. But, I'm a little more comfortable with it now and I definitely agree that there's a HUGE gap there, so as I said I'm going to think up another letter to go in there as soon as I get a chance! Thank you SO MUCH for that CC and I'm so happy you were enjoying it so much! ♥

Thank you for the good luck wishes! Of course I'll let you know as soon as the results are posted, and if/when I write one more letter to stick in there! Thank you again, SO MUCH, for your help with this and for stopping by with this absolutely wonderful review! *Squishes*


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Review #4, by Yoshi_KittenGrey.: Grey

6th April 2016:
Hi Gabbie!!! OMGosh, I know it's been FOREVER, lol!! It is so nice to be reading your works again too!! Oh, how I have missed this!! Sorry, I hope you don't mind that I chose this story… You know that I am a sucker for any and all things Draco!! Plus, I had seen this banner in Floralprint's gallery a few days ago, when she filled a banner request for me, and fell in love with it!! I didn't realize until just now tho that it was to one of YOUR stories!!!

Oh, my poor little Draco!! I always love reading stories of him after the war, the poor tortured soul that he is. I think you have done an amazing job at portraying him here. I felt so bad for him, it almost made me cry; seeing him in such agony!! You really know how to write Angst incredibly well, Gabbie. I'm not sure how you placed in the challenge, but I hope you did really well, as this piece was nearly perfect!!

The only tiny bit of CC I have to offer here is to maybe watch some of those run-on sentences. There were several places where commas needed to be added, and then some places where the comma just needs to be changed to a full stop/period. But other than that, your writing is excellent Gabbie!! Everything flowed really well, and the emotion throughout this piece was spot-on!!

And then that little twist you added in with Astoria? Scandalous!! Honestly, with that backstory alone, this could easily become a Novel all on its own! And that is definitely something that I for one would love to read more of. It looks as though I will have to be checking out some of your other stories asap, after reading that AN at the end there, lol! ;)

I just can't believe that Draco ends up with Pansy here. Although I do NOT ship it in the slightest, you have certainly done a good job at making their relationship convincing enough in this. I really can't stand Pansy Parkinson at all, lol!! Yet you have somehow made me feel sorry for her through Draco's emotions in this piece. And that's saying something right there. Well done, Gabbie!!

Thanks again for the swap, and I am sorry again for the delay in getting this review back to you. It is always a pleasure reading your stories though, Gabbie. Feel free to swap me again at ANY time!! It is so nice to be back with my HPFF family. I have missed you!! ♥

~Deana~

Author's Response: HELLO! >:)

Welcome back, Deana! I totally missed you and I am so happy that you chose to check this story out, it's been too long since we've swapped stories!

This is actually one of my favorite banners and I am SO in love with it, Floralprint makes awesome banners and I'm so happy that she continually surprises me!

I really love writing Draco like this, it's become kind of an obsession to see if I can make him cry. Hahaha. People usually hate his character but I think that writing him as more of a tortured soul is hard to resist. I don't think that the world would have treated him kindly after the War and I certainly don't think he would have walked away unscathed.

I didn't win this challenge or place very high but I had a lot of fun with this! I would certainly do it again! :D

Thanks for letting me know about the run on sentences, I tend to do that a lot in my stories! ;__; I'm glad that the emotions came across as really strong though because that's usually what I want you guys to focus on.

Hahaha. The thing with Astoria is scandalous indeed! This could have really become a novel but A Force of Wills is already up and goes into more detail about Draco's history with her. :D

I have a few stories with Draco and Pansy, I ship them so hard now. Hahaha. I think that Draco cares about Pansy but he doesn't love her and that's a big difference. You can read, "Ruins", "Lovely," and "Marry Me" if you want to understand their relationship more.

Thank you SO much for this amazing review, you're seriously the greatest! Swap with me again anytime!

Much love,

Gabbie




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Review #5, by Yoshi_KittenPhotograph: 1

6th April 2016:
Hello Sarah, thanks so much for doing a swap with me!! Sorry, again, for the delay in getting this back to you… So I know it's been a LONG while since I've read any of your stories, but I have always been a fan of your works. (Your Albus potter stories were always so fantastic!!) I am convinced, however, that you can write anything though, as this little one-shot of yours is exceptional too!! This piece was just so heartbreaking, and ohhmygosh, my feels!!! Poor, poor, Remus!! ='(

I loved how you kept switching back and forth between the past and the present here. It allowed us glimpses into a time when their lives were happy and not so devastating. I also quite enjoyed the hints at Sirius/Remus that were weaved throughout this piece as well. It is so upsetting to know that, the whole time Remus is sitting here blaming himself for not noticing that Sirius was a double-agent, all along it is actually Peter who was the spy. GAH!!! I have so much hatred for that little rat!! Grrr….

Poor Remus. I just wanted to reach into this story and hug him and let him know that none of it was his fault!! Remus' story has always been so tragic, and you have done such a spectacular job of capturing that here. The emotion that you conveyed all throughout this piece was VERY well done!!

Also, I love, love, LOVE Ed Sheeran!!! I feel like you did both songs justice here, especially Photograph. Both songs were very fitting to this story, and to their relationship. I too wish that they would have had the chance to tell their friends how they really felt about one another. I really love the way you have captured Remus' character here, as well as Sirius. Perhaps you could do another one-shot sometime, and continue this piece from the time that Remus learns the truth in PoA and he and Sirius are reunited in the Shrieking Shack? Just my wishful thinking, haha!! If you ever do write more on this though, please do let me know as I would love to read it!!

Thanks so much for the swap, Sarah!! It is always a pleasure reading any of your works. Your writing is, as always, very well done. I loved it!!! ♥

~Deana~

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Review #6, by Yoshi_KittenMaking the Reserves: Making First String

2nd April 2016:
Hello again, back for chapter 2!! I couldn't put this story down!! This chapter was even better than the last. I love how their characterization is all progressing. I'm beginning to like Daisy a lot tho, lol. She clearly has great hair, plus she's crazy and fun. To be honest, her character reminds me a lot of a friend that I had back in High School. And boy did her and I ever get into some trouble back in our teenage days, lol! And then Cheri is a lightweight, like I am, so I definitely felt a connection with her there, haha!! XD

All of them feel very real to me already though, the whole entire group. And I love watching such close friendships be made!! I mean, they already have this unspoken bond over flying; and then they have this freaky accident on the way to the bar, bringing them even closer. (Molly is crazy, btw, but I loved it when she was cloud surfing!! That whole scene was so beautifully written.) Then they all reach their destination and finally let lose at the bar, and everyone just fits so well together. Their conversations are so smooth, and it feels like they've all known each other for a long time. Their love of the game has made them all instant friends, and I just love the dynamic in their little group so much!!

The conversation between Molly & Cedric in the bar, where they were joking with one another and she claimed Reid as her new “knight on a shining broomstick” was my favorite part!! It made me laugh so much when he caught her kiss and played along, lol!!! (And then it was even more amusing when she woke up next to him the following morning, haha!!) That whole conversation was brilliant though. Your dialogue is just as well written as your descriptive writing, and it just makes this whole thing so incredibly good!! It feels like reading an actual book, as apposed to reading fanfiction. I am so in love with this story already!! ♥

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how much of a gentleman Reid is?!? OMG!!! I was all for shipping Molly/Cedric, but now Idk because Molly/Reid would be really cute together also. Their breakfast scene was adorable, and I loved it when he was revealed to be a secret Magpies fan also!! Either way it goes, I know that she will up becoming really close friends with whichever man she doesn't actually end up with. So there's always that to look forwards to. But how is she ever going to chose between the two of them? Maybe one of them will secretly like boys so that she doesn't have to pick between the two, lol! ;)

The scene at the end was really good too, and I especially like it when each of the girls introduced one another and stated what school they were from. One quick question about the guy's team though. Is it supposed to be Dias or Dais?? Because you keep switching the spelling back and forth between the two names, and it was a bit confusing. Nothing too major though, just something you may wanna read back over and correct really quick. Everything else was perfect though, as usual.

I was holding my breath right along with Molly there at the ending!! I honestly wasn't sure which way you were gonna go with it. I'm sure her hangover didn't put her at her best during the practice/secret audition, so she easily could have gotten put on the second string and it still would have been totally believable. I do sense a rivalry coming on between her and Jessica though. I'm sure that'll be interesting to read too!! GAH!! I wish I wasn't stuck at work ALL DAY today, that way I could read the rest of it without stopping, lol!!! REALLY great writing, Lo!! I will come back to read the rest asap!!! =D

~Deana~

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Review #7, by Yoshi_KittenMaking the Reserves: Making it to the Academy

2nd April 2016:
Hey Lo, RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our review swap!! And I must say; it's kind of funny that our swaps this time around are both stories about Percy, but like total opposites of each other, lol.

But OMGosh, wow!! What did I just read?!? This is certainly not at all what I was expecting! But I absolutely loved it!!! Right from the beginning you grabbed my attention, and then managed to keep hold of it all the way through til the end!! This story is already SO exciting!! I love the way you have created your own Quidditch Universe within the HP Universe that we already know and love so much. It is very believable, and everything just fits in so extremely well!!

I love all of the new characters you have introduced so far, especially Cedric. I cannot wait to see what progresses between he and Molly (or perhaps maybe even Juliette?) as time goes on. Seriously, all of your introductions throughout this first chapter were flawless!!! And the way that you described this new school was amazing!! I could visualize everything so clearly in my head. Everything flowed so well together, and the pacing was perfect. Your writing is SO GOOD, Lo!!! I cannot wait to read more of this!!!

The only tiny bit of CC that I can give here is to maybe watch repeating some of the same words so close together. For example, at the very beginning when she is having that nightmare, you used the word “sky” twice in a row. And then it happened again when she was talking to Cedric at the end. You used the word “fiery” to describe her hair two times in a row also. I know I saw this happening one other time in the middle as well, but now I can't find it. But that/s really the ONLY thing that I noticed though, for real. Everything else was pretty much perfect!!

I could probly rave on and on until I reach the character-limit for this review about how amazing this first chapter is, but I think I would rather just go on and read the next chapter now, lol!! Thank so much for the swap tho, cuz Idk if I ever would have come across this story otherwise!!! Adding it to my favorites and reading on right now!! =D

~Deana~

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Review #8, by Yoshi_KittenAlbus's Story: Watching

8th February 2016:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the Forums, here for the Gryffindor RvsG Battle. GO TEAM GOLD!!!

Ok, so first of all, let me just say that this is the first Albus/Scorpius fic that I've ever read before. I have never been able to get on board with the whole Harry/Draco ship before. But this… this is one ship I think that I may slowly be becoming a fan of, lol! Perhaps you can convert me to the dark side, haha!! ;)

I loved when Al started listing off all the things that he knew about Scorpius, even though he doesn't really know him. #StalkerStatus, lol!! Just kidding, haha!! It makes perfect sense, considering that he has this HUGE crush on him!! I know I for one tend to obsess just a tad when I have a crush on a guy, so I can totally relate to where he's coming from. Which is one thing I quite enjoyed about this – Albus is very relatable as a character, and that makes this even better to read. I especially liked it when he was justifying how “normal” it was to sit and stare at the Seeker during a Quidditch game, lol! That is such a great rationalization, lol! XD

I love how you easily slipped in all the background information and details on his siblings, and even included some information on a few of the cousins as well. And I appreciate the fact that Albus, even though he is the one who looks like Harry the most, is completely the opposite of his famous father. It's a nice change from the other next-gens that I've read over the years, and it really makes your fic stand out more. I just wish that Albus didn't feel like he had to hide such a big part of himself from his family and friends for so long. It makes me wanna give him a big hug and tell him that he is loved. I certainly hope that everyone does accept him when his secret finally does come out into the open.

I see that you do have a Beta for this, which is awesome! If you don't mind though, I did spot a few things that I would like to bring to your attention. For example, this passage here:
And yet he had no plans to tell anyone about it. And if, he was ever going to tell someone, it certainly wouldn’t be James, nor anybody else in his family.

You seem to be overusing the word “And” at the beginning of the sentences here. Also, I don't think the comma in the second sentence, after “And if, he was” needs to be there. You may wanna consider reconstructing that line to say something more like: “Yet he had no plans to tell anyone about it. But if he ever did decide to tell someone, it certainly wouldn’t be James; nor anybody else in his family for that matter.” You see how I reworded it just a little bit, and then changed that third comma into a semi-colon? It just makes the sentence flow better, I think. Sorry if I am being too pick here…

Your comma usage overall does need some work. There were several places that needed broken up and had commas missing, and then other places where they were added in even though they were not needed; such as the above example. Also, I noticed that a few of your paragraphs were super long. You might wanna consider going back through and breaking some of those more bulkier ones up a bit. There's nothing wrong with them, really. It's just that, when you're reading from a smaller mobile screen; as many people nowadays do, it's a bit daunting when you come across this huge chunky paragraph. I found myself automatically scanning, rather than reading, and had to go back and re-read over several parts because I kept losing my place. It's not a hue deal, but it was distracting enough to mention, at least to me.

Your dialogue was excellent, and I thought that the conversation between Albus, Rose, and Michael flowed really well. You can tell that these three have great chemistry between them, and their bantering back and forth really shows that they have been friends for a long time. So far, I am liking Michael's character. He seems like a good fit for Rose, I think... Not sure of you did this on purpose, or if it was a formatting thing, but I see that you are using apostrophes (') rather than quotation marks (“”) at the beginning and end of your dialogue. It made things a bit harder to follow at first, but I got used to it pretty quickly though, so that's not too big of an issue.

I read on you profile page that English is not your native language. That being said, this is pretty impressive!! Had I not known that prior to reading this, I never would have guessed. Your writing style is very good, and I cannot wait to read more of your stories!! This is off to a very promising start, and I love that it already has so many chapters AND a sequel! That means it'll be a while before I have to wait on updates, this giving me plenty of time to catch up, lol!! Great job!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Thank you Deana for a kind and helpful review!

I’m not a Drarry fan either, I’ve never really got the point with that ship. Scorbus is a totally different thing in my opinion. So, hopefully I will convince you to like my OTP. ;) I’m glad you liked this first chapter, anyway, as well as my Albus.

Thank you also for providing constructional critic, and for pointing out those things that takes focus away from reading. I think I am at the point where I should go through and edit this story again. I’ve only got a few chapters left on the sequel, and then I should do this. I’ll keep your suggestions in mind! Thank you!

/Molly



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Review #9, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Words

8th February 2016:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy, back again for chapter 3 of our review swap!! But I think I'll just skip the part where I tell you how amazingly awesome and super talented you are, lol. I'm pretty sure you know that all day, and I could fangirl over this story for days, haha!! ^_^;

Man, do I ever wish that I could paint a picture with words in the way that you do!! The way that you describe everything is so beautiful, and it puts such vivid images in my mind as I read. I absolutely LOVE that quality in your writing. I've been trying to develop this skill more and more over the years, but dialogue and conversations still remain to be my stronger areas of writing. I feel like I have really learned a thing or two, just by reading your story tho, so I do wanna thank you for that. This is seriously some of the best quality fanfiction that I have ever read!!

I loved all the mentionings of Nicolas Flamel and Elphias Dodge and all of Dumbledore's other various friends throughout this chapter. It's good to see that he is finally cheering up a bit and moving on somewhat. A broken heart is never an easy thing to mend, and it's good that you are showing his internal struggle with his feelings. It seems fare more natural, the way that this is progressing, and I think you have the pacing of everything down perfect.

Dumbledore is extremely in character all throughout this story so far. Never once have you made him even the slightest bit OOC, in my opinion. And that alone is no easy feat, lol! I for one find Dumbledore (as well as Voldemort) to be one of the most difficult characters in the HP world to write. Yet you portray him so effortlessly here!! He is clever, intelligent, and perfectly witty in his thought process. And his voice is very much distinct from Gellert's in the alternating chapters. I love how different, yet incredibly similar they are.

Honestly, this whole thing is just perfect, and I cannot wait to read more!! You keep me guessing as to where this story is going to take me to next, and I love that!! Also, I'm glad that I refreshed the page before submitting this review, cuz I LOVE the new chapter Image!! I went back and looked at the last 2 also, and they are all so beautiful!! They even match the banner and everything, lol! Please give the artist my props, and congrats on getting such incredible CI's made for this amazing story!! ♥

~Deana~

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Review #10, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Wales

3rd February 2016:
RoxiMalfoy from the forums, finally here for our Review swap! I was so sure I had reviewed this chapter back when I did the 1st one, but evidently not. I know I've read this one before, but since it was so long ago, I decided to re-read the first 2 chapters all over again. Which honestly didnt bother me at all, cuz your writing is SO BEAUTIFUL!! I'm SO happy to see that you won a Dobby! I remember voting for this fic in like every category it was nominated in that year, so congrats on that, lol. It was definitely well deserved!

The first time I read this tho, I totally was NOT expecting to be reading from the POV of Gellert Grindelwald. That switch was such a nice surprise. I've never read anything featuring him in it like this before, so all I know of him is what little we learned in cannon. That being said, your characterization of him feels like it was pulled directly out of Jo's world! I dont know HOW you've done it with such little information to go on, but this version of Grindelwald just feels so right, and so natural. Every little detail you have created fits seamlessly into what we already know of him from the books. But then you take it one step further, and expand upon what little information we have already been given, and make him into this very deep and relatable character. From now on, I dont think I'll ever be able to look at Grindelwald the same way again, lol!

I LOVE it when a story here at HPFF gives me a whole new outlook on things, and this was no exception! Cuz you never would expect such a notoriously dark wizard as Grindelwald to be so sweet, endearing, and capable of such strong feelings of love. But then again, at sixteen years of age, I also find it difficult to believe that he would be in full-on dark wizard, take over the world mode, lol. But you can definitely see the beginning stages of that particular mind-frame starting to blossom here. I know that alot of people compare Voldemort to Grindelwald, but the two of them really arent all that similar, if you think about it. Sure, they shared many of the same belief systems, but what makes Voldemort so evil is that he was literally incapable of love. He was born of a loveless conception, then raised in an orphanage with no family to help nurture him during his upbringing. Grindelwald on the other hand; he did have a family. He had the support system that Tom Riddle never knew, and then, he also had Albus.

Personally, I do not think that Dumbledore, even at such a young age, could ever have been attracted to someone like Tom Riddle. So if the two dark wizards were as similar as people like to assume, then it would not be likely that Dumbledore would have fallen for Grindelwald the way that we know he did. Cuz as far as we know, Gellert is the only one that Albus ever had feeling for like this. (Much like Snape was with Lilly.) Sometimes in life we only get that 1 true love, and it's highly unlikely that Dumbledore -THE Albus Dumbledore- could have given his heart away to someone who was truly evil. So I totally get where it is you are writing from here, and I must say that I am absolutely mesmerized by it! I'm so glad, and so relieved to see that Gellert is NOT just another copy of Lord Voldemort in this story.

Wow, I just went off on this HUGE tangent without even meaning to, lol!! You see what your story has evoked in me already?!? This has really got me thinking quite a bit, for real tho. Cuz I was one of those people who thought that Grindelwald & Voldemort were way more similar than that. But now that I think about it, there really is no way that that could have been possible. Not at first, anyway. But we all know how both of these boys turn out in the end, so it will be fascinating to see the ways in which their characters grow and develop from here. I cannot wait to see where you take the two of them from this point forward...

Getting back to the actual review part tho - sorry for betting so distracted, haha... The language in this. OMG, dont even get me started on the language in these first 2 chapters, lol! It is so beautiful, and poetic, and rich in detail, and just so astoundingly profound! How did you do that?!? Not only was it perfect in regards to these two characters, but it's also extremely relevant to the time period as well. This all takes place in 1899 after all, so the way that they speak is absolutely beautiful in every single way. People really dont talk like that anymore, and it's a shame. Your English is exquisite though Aph, and I feel like I myself have already learned a thing or two, just by reading this, lol! ;)

I loved how the reoccurring theme of silence carried over from the 1st chapter into this one as well. Really, everything that you have to say about the subject is so amazingly detailed, and spot on. I'm so terrible at describing those awkward silences in a conversation, but you do it so beautifully here, OMG! I could go on and on about how amazing this was, but I think I've rambled here for long enough... I will point out the one (and only) thing I noticed that needs fixing was in this paragraph here:

The few memories I have of that summer which are not of the way your hair glowed in firelight and the way your eyes lit up and shone when you saw me in the same way they would shine when you spoke of a fascinating theory or your Hogwarts, are fleeting and strangely blurred, as though a careless painter has tipped water onto a landscape, and so much of Wales is now a spoiled masterpiece, the colours leaking and running across each other, until I cannot remember how it was supposed to look.

That whole entire thing is just one long run-on sentence. Idk if that was intentional, or if perhaps it was a formatting thing, but you may wanna go back and break that up with some commas or periods or something. I feel silly for pointing out something so small, but really everything else was PERFECT! ♥

~Deana~

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Review #11, by Yoshi_KittenTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Dripping Wings

31st January 2016:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy, here to squeeze in some last minute reviewing for the Gryffindor RvsG Battle. Go Team Red!!

Okay, so at the end of chapter one, I was really wanting to hear Hagrid tell the story. But then it ended on that big cliffhanger instead, lol. However, now that I have read chapter two, I am glad that you chose to tell the story through Al's essay instead. I feel like doing it this way has given you way more opportunity to go into much more detail, and I really enjoyed it. I like how we sortta get two stories in one here, and Saki's tale is so beautiful, and romantic, and fascinating. And I loved all the imagery you used throughout this, especially when you were describing all the colors and clouds in the sky – that bit was my favorite.

One thing I would suggest it to really watch some of those huge bulky paragraphs. I was reading from my cell phone, and they were a bear to get through on such a small screen. Some examples of this include the first paragraph of the essay, and then again a few paragraphs down, where it start with: “Saki had reached adolescence now.” I think it would read a bit better of the line stating: “The crows flew back to their homes,” was the start of a new paragraph altogether. It breaks it up more, and makes it easier to read, I think.

Also, I did notice a few places where the English could be tweaked a bit to make things flow more smoothly. Is English your native language, by the way? If not, then this is VERY impressive, I must say! You are doing an excellent job so far. The following are just a few suggestions of edits that you can make of you would like to:

“She had been dreamed to marry Shota” – She had been dreaming to marry Shota

“How can just I let you walk away” – How can I just let you walk away

“Albus caught his off guard and tried to remember” – Albus, caught off his guard, quickly tried to remember

“When they reached to the East Asia section, they encountered a person they didn’t want to the most.” - When they reached the East Asia section, they encountered the last person they wanted to meet.

Like I said, this are just a few of my suggestions. Sorry if I am being overly critical here, I really am only just trying to help. I really do feel as though the overall concept of this story is very intriguing. And I love the fact that you are opening the HPFF world up to the idea of exploring new cultures. That is what makes this fic so unique, and so unlike anything I have ever read! Which reminds me… I don't believe that I have ever welcomed you to the site, Kenny, but welcome indeed. I'm glad that you chose to be in Gryffindor, lol. Thank You so much for bringing your creativity and new world views to this site. I love how diverse the HPFF community is, and it always brings me great joy to discover something new and interesting to read, such as this.

I am looking very forwards to seeing where this goes as the story progresses. My biggest question right now would be where all the animosity between Scorpius & Albus id coming from. I hope that you will be shedding some light on this very soon... See ya in chapter 3 as soon as I can get there! RL can be so hectic sometimes, it's crazy. But don't you worry, I WILL be back!! =)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Thank you Deana to stop by before the end of January.

Your suggestion is really helpful. I noticed deviding paragraphs is very important when I read the other author's work. I'll try fixing this chapter ASAP including fixing typos.

Oh, I hit Phil Collins's words wrongly. Thank you for pointing it out.

Your words are ones of the best compliments I've ever had. Thank you for encouraging me, Deana. With friends' help, I can keep writing here. I need to read the other authors's stories, too.

Describing the nature is like drawing or painting a picutre. So it's fun to imagine the scene. I wish I could write using more sophisticated words. I have to learn more from the other author's work at the point of vocabulary and the description.

Yeah, I agree with your idea that it's great joy to discover something new that I can't create at all here.

I feel amazed to realize that thinking a plot and writing stories of fanfiction is just from my mind, but it's great that the other authors and readers read it and leave comments.

The relationship between Scorpius and Albus, you'll see how it will go when you keep reading. :)

Thank you again for stopping by during your precious weekend free time!

Kenny


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Review #12, by Yoshi_KittenTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Father’s Old Textbook (Prologue)

29th January 2016:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for the Gryffindor RvG Battle!! (GO TEAM RED!!!)

This has the potential to become a really great story, I think. The most interesting thing to me here is that you have Draco Malfoy as a Hogwarts professor. And of potions class, none the less!! I am certainly interested to know how in the world THAT happened, lol! I also find your take on Scorpius to be rather fresh and interesting. Pretty much every next-gen that I've ever read portrays him as this nice/likeable character, and most of the time he and Albus are even friends. But here you have him acting just as much of a prat as his father was in the early years of he and Harry's generation. Which is new and interesting to see.

I know you mentioned in the chapter summary that this was their first ever potions class, but I think it would be good to also try to include that information somewhere within the contents of the chapter itself. Because I didn't see that at first, and I was confused about it, lol. I had figured that they were young, based off how they were talking. But since this is the first chapter, I think I was looking for a bit more detail. Now that I do know they are only 11, Scorpius' behavior does make a lot more sense. At first I was ready to start hating him for acting so much like his father, but he's still young so I suppose he can be forgiven, lol. Hopefully he will stop acting like a spoiled little child as time goes on and be a little bit nicer… But we shall have to wait and see. ;)

I think it's cool how Albus and Draco's conversation was so similar to Harry & Snape's on his first day. And I like how Rose was trying to give Al the answers, in true Hermione fashion, lol. The bit about them using second-hand books was interesting as well, and it is totally something that I could see Harry & Ginny doing with their kids. The background information on their family was perfectly placed, and I love the idea that Hagrid comes over for Harry's birthday get-togethers every summer!! And it was cool seeing him in there at the end of this chapter too. Your characterization of him was spot-on. It was a very Hagrid-like thing to do, correcting Albus by telling him that he ought to call Malfoy “Professor”. I wish we could have heard more of his story though, lol!

I did notice a few grammatical errors, but it's nothing a quick read through can't fix. For example, right at the beginning in the very first line, Scorpius says: “Is he happy that mother spends her most of her time abroad?” The word “her” only needs to be used once there “Is he happy that mother spends most of her time abroad?” like that. I also noticed that in the story summary, on the main page where the banner for this is displayed, Albus' name is misspelled. It says: “Abus flipped through the Potions textbook.” so you may wanna correct that real quick too.

Sorry if I seem too critical. I really did enjoy reading this chapter. This story is off to a very interesting beginning here, and has definitely left me wanting to know more. I did see where this was a Prologue, so I can't wait to see where it goes next. I will try to come back for the next chapter as soon as I can. Good luck in the challenge that this was written for! I hope you do well. =)

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi, Deana! Oh, you wrote so many words for this. Thank you very much! I wish I could hit the words for short time like you. I have many thoughts in my mind everytime when I read the other authors' works, but when I try to hit the words, I feel stressful. I could only hit a few words.

At the beginning, the ideas, Draco as a Professor and the relationship between Scorpius and Albus popped in my mind easily. But as I wrote more, the situation got difficult for me to continue. I struggled to create the original world so I'll be happy if you keep reading and drop your thoughts again.

I've just started writing about Next Gen so I think there are lots to be fixed or the descriptions to be added.

Thank you for finding some typos. I fixed them.

I feel thankful for critical reviews. When I first entered here, I felt some critical ones stressful but recently, I think it's very necessary for me to overcome the weak points in writing.

Thank you again for your insightful review!

Kenny



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Review #13, by Yoshi_KittenStranger: 7 Years Old

27th January 2016:
Yay, I get to leave the first review on this one, lol! This is my first time ever reading a Non-Cisgender fic, so I cannot really comment on everything specific in that regard. But it certainly does not show that this is your first time writing in this area, at least not in my opinion it doesn’t. Honestly; you are so talented, and your writing style is so brilliant. You could re-write the phone book and I would probably read it at this point, lol! =P

I love how perfectly you were able to capture the innocence of a seven year old in this. And although I do not know from personal experience, I do feel as though this is definitely something that a little girl with confusion on her gender identity would feel at such a young age. She is too little to understand exactly why she would rather wear her brother's clothes, but she does understand enough to know that ruffles are hideous, and that pink is the ugliest color ever, lol. If only her mother was smart enough to realize that her daughter was a bit of a tom-boy and just accept her for who she is, rather than force her to do something that she is so obviously uncomfortable with. Silly richy-rich snobs with their uppity and judgmental personalities! You have certainly caused me to despise the mother in this already. Not sure if she will become more open and accepting of her daughter as time goes on, but for right now I hate her – in a good way tho, lol. ;)

Also, I do not believe that I have ever read anything with Millicent Bulstrode in it before, but I do love that you went with such a minor character for this story. She's so unknown that you really could go anywhere you wanted to with the rest of this fic. Idk why I was thinking that it was just a one-shot. But I was pleasantly surprised when I got to the end and saw in your note that this was actually going to be a short story collection. I cannot wait to read more!! Good luck in the Challenge you entered this for. I'm sure that you will do great! :D

~Deana~

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Review #14, by Yoshi_KittenSpiked Gates: Freedom

27th January 2016:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for the Gryffindor RvG Battle!! #TeamRedFTW! OMGosh, wow!! You have SO MUCH stuff on your AP to choose from, lol!! But I am a sucker for all things Draco, so here I am. =P

This grabbed me and sucked me in right from the opening paragraph. I believe this may be the 1st story of yours that I've ever read, and already I am a HUGH fan of your work, Kaitlin!! I can tell that you are a super talented writer, just from the opening scene. The way you paint such a vivid picture with your words is incredible!! I actually caught myself holding my breath there when you were describing how suffocating the atmosphere was, and I got chills when you talked about how Voldemort had “unleashed his rage with round after round of Cruciatus Curses”. *Shivers* SO GOOD!!

I've always felt so bad for Draco, and the situation that he was forced into in HBP. It's just so heartbreaking. I myself am writing a similar story, based off of these events. (But I actually started writing my current WIP Novel in between books 6 & 7, which is why it's considered AU now.) So this right here is one of my absolute most favorite types of fics to read, in ALL that is the world of HP fanfiction, lol. That being said, I've read a lot of stories like this one. But I can honestly say that THIS little one-shot here is probably one of the most well done Hogwarts-Era Draco fics that I have ever come across!! Like, this could be a missing moment pulled straight out of the HBP book, for real. It's THAT good, and I just LOVED it!!

But getting back to Draco, lol! (sorry for ranting there...) His story is so heartbreaking, and you have certainly done a fantastic job at conveying his feelings of absolute hopelessness and despair in this. When he came to the realization that Voldemort was intending for him to fail, and that “his death during the attempt was meant to be the final punishment for his father’s failures,” I almost cried. I just always feel so bad for him. I mean, can you imagine your life and the lives of your entire family being threatened in that way at just 16 years old? And then you just had to go and throw in that little tid-bit about all the horrible nightmares he'd been having. *cries* ='(

It's easy to forget how young he is though, especially when we see him dealing with such mature/adult problems that no teenager should ever have to face. So I also liked how you described him taking a shot of the Firewhiskey to help him decompress from all of the pressure that the adults were placing on him. Even though he clearly hates the taste of it, he drinks it anyways because he just wants to turn everything off for a while. Again; break my heart into a million pieces why don’t you, haha!! XD

My heart started beating really fast when he got up and was testing the fence to see if he could get away though! It was so scary when Voldemort showed up just as he was about to try it. Although I get the feeling that he was secretly watching Draco the entire time, just to see what he would so. Gah!! Your Voldemort is SO scary... But I love it, lol!! There is nothing more thrilling than taking an emotional roller-coaster ride alongside a character in a book (of fanfic, in this case) that you love. And you certainly know how to do just that with your readers, that's for sure!

Also, I love the parallel that you made in here about the spikes on the gates surrounding Malfoy Manor being used to keep Draco trapped inside, as well as keeping any intruders out. And then finding out at the end what would have happened with the spikes if he had actually tried to escape... that just tied everything together so nicely. At first I'll admit that I did not totally get the title of this fic, but now it makes perfect sense, and it is absolutely genius!! Like I said in the beginning of this review, you clearly have mad skillz, lol!!

Seriously though, the only constructiveness I feel that I can give here is that you may want to consider giving this a quick once-over at some point, because I did notice a few missing commas here and there. But I only really seen that in like 2 or 3 places, so it's not even that big of a deal. It's not like it takes away from this masterpiece that you have here or anything, lol!! You may consider me as your newest fan now, lol!! I don't really have a whole lot of time on my hands to read/review quite like this one anymore, not with me working 2 jobs (70-80+ hours per week) right now. But I will be adding you to my list of favorite authors, as well as favoriting this story as soon as I get done leaving this review... I cannot wait to check out more of your works!! You are totally awesome Kaitlin. This was amazing!!

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Review #15, by Yoshi_KittenRoses are Red: Just a Bump on the Head

26th January 2016:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our review swap!! =)

Wow. Right off the bat here, your attention to detail in the descriptions of the scenery and everything is amazing. And I was pleasantly surprised to see that Parvati Patil was her nurse. I always love it when Next-Gen stories slip in familiar characters from the HP generation like that.

I did notice one little typo towards the beginning though, when she is telling them that the last thing she remembers is the Quidditch match at Hogwarts. She says: “against the Slytherin.” And I think it should either say “against the Slytherins” or “against Slytherin.”

So the first question that came to my mind here is where is Hermione? It makes sense that her father and her husband would be there, but why isn't her mother there too? My guess is that maybe she's at work or something. But if that is the case, then I think that that info should be slipped in there in passing somewhere. I mean, if I woke up in the hospital and discovered that I had just lost three years of my memories, I would be asking for my mother. But maybe Rose & Hermione don't have the kind of relationship, it's too early to know. Or perhaps Hermione's location is revealed in the next chapter and I'm just jumping ahead, lol! ^_^'

Poor Scorpius, this must be so awkward for him!! I cannot wait to see them actually interact with one another. This was such a great first chapter!! It certainty has drawn me in and left me wanting more, so great job on that!! You've already got me asking questions and coming up with theories, and that's what any good story is supposed to do. I really enjoy your writing style, and I like that the chapters are short and sweet. A nice little short story is exactly what I needed right now, so thank you for requesting this swap!! I'm most likely gonna go ahead and read/review the rest of this asap, but feel free to PM me over on the forums if you ever wanna swap again! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much! I originally debated if I should put Parvati in or just a random, but I feel like it gives a sense of connectedness to the HP books. Glad you agree :)

Ooh thanks, I will go back and fix that!

I have been getting this question on a lot of reviews actually! It's funny, because she does show up in the next chapter. I'm going to go ahead and add something about Hermione, because you are right in the sense that Rose would want to talk to her mother. However, if you read on you will find they have a somewhat tense relationship ;) But every girl loves her mum, so it's only natural!

Aw thank you so much :) Writing Rose and Scorpius has been really fun, so I hope it lives up to your expectations if you read the other chapters. It's so flattering that you enjoyed my writing style and you're already intrigued! I feel the exact same way about Doing The Right Thing, which is so eloquently written!

Thanks for the swap, and the same goes for you, if there's another story that you ever want feedback on! I'm probably going to read Love, Not War at one point, no matter what. It's just a matter of when! :)

-Becca


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Review #16, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: How I Receive My First Detention

19th April 2015:
HEY EM, LOOK WHO'S BACK!!! I am SO SORRY that it has taken me such a LONG time to get here, Em. Like seriously, Idk WHERE all of the time has gone!! RL has been exceptionally crazy for me here lately, as you well know. If it's not one thing, it's another, I swear. And now I have the stupid flu!! *grumbles* Anyhow, enough about all that. Here I am now, and it feels SO GOOD to be back in this story!! I'm so glad you made the request for me to come here first, because Annette's crazy antics are just what I needed to put a smile on my face!! =D

But OMG I LOVED THIS CHAPTER! Had to get THAT outta my system first, haha! I actually remember reading this ages ago, and I thought that I had reviewed it already. But now I remember... That was back when I had my crappy old phone, and I had this wonderfully long and well thought-out review all typed up for ya. And then my stupid phone refreshed the page and I lost it ALL!! And I meant to come back after that, I really did. But then I had all of those computer problems, and we lost our internet for a month around the holidays, and you know the drill. RL has a way of getting in the daggone way of things. =/

I was happy to come back now and read thru this again tho, because there was SO MUCH WIN in this freaking chapter!! OMG!!! Where do I even begin?!? The Rose/Scorpius action at the beginning was amazing! And that awkwardness when Scorpius complimented her was priceless. Leave it to Annette to add to the awkwardness, haha!! I absolutely share her feelings in regards to those two tho – they SHOULD just stop wasting everyone's time and get together already!!

I also loved her awkward comments about Al being "Sheepish." That and the "Dashing" thought that she had was great as well, lol!! She is so intelligent, and yet so clueless about so many things, lol. I have truly missed her quirky character over the past few months...

Everyone's outfits sound so lovely, and the description you gave of the Great Hall was really good also. This party sounds so colorful and FUN!! It's good to see Annette socializing, even though we all know she is uncomfortable in large crowds such as this. When she threatened Lily's date, that was priceless!! I did find some typos in that section that you may wanna address, however:

1) "Since when?" James asks with another punch. If this is how all their conversations go, how have then not lost the use of their arms yet.
- "how have then" should be how have THEY, and I believe that this sentence should end with a question mark instead of a period.

2) "Listen... If you want to keep your life, you will do your best not to maker her unhappy. You break her heart, I break yours. If you so much as say one wrong word or give her one wrong look, I will peel your skin off with my bare hands. Do you want that?"
- "not to maker" should be not to MAKE. And there should be another comma after “one wrong word,” as well.

I still love how people are so afraid of her. It's hilarious to read about all the various reactions that she gets. The Annette/Albus action all throughout this chapter was amazing as ever!! Al was such a gentleman to her. And when he attempted to ask her out to dance. Gah! That whole scene was so awesome. This here was one of my most favorite parts in the whole chapter:
- "Would you..." Al tilts his head towards the horde of spastic limbs. I see worry in his face.

"Not right now, we just ate." Maybe not ever. I keep away from like concentrations of human beings for a reason.

Annette is just SO FUNNY sometimes!! I really do love her sense of logic, haha!! And things were so nice and calm there, so I just knew that it wouldn't be long before SOMETHING drastic happened. After all Annette and Al can't seem to be left alone long enough to have a beautiful romantic moment together...

And there it is. OMG! What was he thinking?!? Does Chu have a death wish or something?? Her reaction was perfect. Exactly what we've come to expect from her, and no more than what he deserved for being such an inconsiderate, drunken git!! Grrr... I hope McGonagall takes it easy on her. Surely Annette won't get into to much trouble for this. I mean, she was assaulted. That was clearly self defense!!

I can see why this is Joey's favorite chapter, lol. It's right up there as one of my top favs too!! This was beautiful, and so well written, Em. And that cliffhanger ending – OMG!! Like I've already said; I have missed this story SO MUCH!! I can't believe it is completed now tho!! A part of me is excited, cuz now I know I won't have to wait ti see how it ends. But at the same time, Idk if I even WANT this brilliant tale to ever come to an end, lol! Thanks for everything, Em. I have missed you and Annette so much! (((HUGS))) Hope this fangirly review was well worth the horribly long wait, lol! ^_^;

Author's Response: Deana!!

Not a problem at all, Deana!! I hope everything is alright and that you're better now! :D I am thrilled that Annett's antics put a smile on your face! That is very much the intention with these chapters!

Bahaha! Yes, Annett finds these romance things necessarily complicated and confusing and she finds English idioms weird and confusing. They don't make sense. Nope, not at all.

I am thrilled that you like the descriptions of the party scenery. Diwali is one of my favourite celebrations.

The typos you spotted have been fixed. As ever, thank you so much for spotting them and pointing them out. You are amazing!

Oh dear! Bahaha! That's interesting you found that scene potentially romantic even with Carter there, I didn't intend to do that at all.

That right there was my take on what should happen after drunken snogs--grappling.

AWW, DEANA. You're so sweet!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! AND I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! I hope you like the rest of it :D THANK YOU!! You're amazing and all your reviews are so endearing and sweet and wonderful.

Cheers,
Em


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Review #17, by Yoshi_KittenEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

24th October 2014:
Hello Kevin, I'm Deana. (RoxiMalfoy from the forums) I've seen you around in the common room alot, but we've never actually talked, so it's nice to finally "meet" you, lol! sorry it took me a few days, but I'm here for our October Review exchange!! =)

First of all, that introductory paragraph was amazing! I loved your attention to detail when describing the thunder storm outside, and then you brought James' sarcastic personality into it when he announced that it was a "splendid day," lol! I love the Marauders, so I'm super happy that we got paired together this month. I really liked this first chapter, and I think it was a great way to begin the story. I really like how it started off with James being on his summer break, rather than starting with them already at Hogwarts, or on the train in the 1st chapter, like alot of stories do. Choosing to do that provided a great opportunity to explore James family life, and I really liked that approach. I like how you described the Potter Estate, and I loved Tinka.

I really enjoyed reading his reflections on the past year, and I think that was a great way to show what's happened so far and set things up for what's to come. I'm also one who likes to watch an Epic romance as it unfolds, so I also appreciate the fact that James is not quite head-over-heels in love with Lily yet. And I like idea that he has been asking her out continuously as a joke for right now, as it gives time for their relationship to build from the ground up.

The only bit of CC I can come up with here is to watch out for those long run-on paragraphs. That last one, for example, was a bit on the longish side, and my silly brain kept skimming through it and losing my place, lol. And you don't want your readers to skim over any important pieces of your story. Simply breaking that into two smaller paragraphs would fix it easily enough tho, I think. Perhaps you could split it where it says: "Maybe she was partly right." or somewhere in that area? Idk. Now I feel like I'm being too picky, lol. Feel free to just ignore me if I am. =P

Honestly, this is already off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. The rivalry between James and Severus is good already, and I am anxious to see more on that note too. I also cannot wait to meet the rest of the Marauders, and see how well you characterize them as well! Your James is perfect so far, and I think that this was an excellent first chapter, Kevin. I'll be back for the next chapter as soon as I can. Sorry, again, for taking so long to get to this. Thanks so much for swapping! :D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Howdy Deana! Sorry I'm so horribly late. Life's been insane. And NaNo. But yeah.

For starters, you are way too kind to my little story! I kicked this off when I was firmly locked in a doldrums and looking for fiction (which I'd abandoned for about five years at that point) to help dig me out (which it has). I definitely wanted to do some different things with James/Lily though and that's a lot of what this story is - from trying a bit harder to include the families as more than devices to (obviously) the characterizations and history between James and Lily.

Do not apologize for the bit on length either! You're absolutely right. I have gotten better with paragraphs over time, but I have a real issue with making sentences in particular too long.

Thanks so much for the kind and detailed review! I really appreciated it!


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Review #18, by Yoshi_KittenLife As We Know It: chapter two

30th September 2014:
Hey Erica. I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this. RL has been CRAZY these past few weeks!! But here I am, finally, ready to review this amazing story of yours!! First of all, let me say that I am really sorry this didn't get more attention in the Dobbys this year. You characterization of Hermione (and now even Draco) is so spot-on. I just feel like you should get WAY more attention for that. This really feels like the I'm reading the characters that JKR created, and that's saying something. You write everything so realistically, and it's very well done!! =)

Honestly, the only CC I really have to give here is in your paragraph length. There were a few instances; like the paragraph right after where Draco leaves the Room of Requirement, and Hermione is thinking about his odd behavior. I feel like that could easily be divided up into two parts - right where she says I shook my head; I couldn't let myself think like that. for example. And the long paragraph where she was pondering all the activity in the common room, right before Parvati came up to her is another example. I feel like a good place to begin a new paragraph there would be when she says I felt strange as I watched everyone else laugh and have fun.

And then, finally, the very last paragraph is another that could be split up as well. Actually, the last three paragraphs of this could be looked back over, but that very final one is a monster of a paragraph, lol. I feel like that one could easily make three parts. You could start a new paragraph when she looks up and Sarah and Lisa come in; and then you can split it up again when Hermione says Was the toll of books and cleverness to be alone I think that would be good...

These are only my personal suggestions though, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. It is YOUR story, after all. It could just be because I was reading this chapter from my mobile device the first time, but I found myself skimming over some of those larger paragraphs, and then had to stop myself and reread back over things. This happened more than once, so I just felt it was worth mentioning. I myself am guilty of writing overly long paragraphs too, and someone brought it to my attention once also. Again, this is probably just a personal preference thing though. Please don't think I'm being too picky, lol. Your writing is seriously really good!!

And the plot is thickening already!! Malfoy wants her to keep quiet and, in exchange, he will do the same. I really like how you have Hermione sort of obsessing over him by the end of this, lol. It's very realistic of her character; always wanting to know the answers to the mystery. That's what I really like about this story so far - it all seems entirely plausible. I think my favorite part though, was the scene between Hermione and Harry. It was slightly altered from the way things happened in Cannon, but yet all of the important aspects of it were there. You, again, write Harry and Hermione's relationship very realistically.

Now I know that I have been using that word a LOT in this review, lol! But that's only because I mean it! Seriously, I've already told you before that I'm not much of a Dramione shipper. But that mostly stems from the sole fact that I just do not see this pairing as being realistic enough to support... With this story, however, you have set it up in such a way that I actually can see this working out; and that in an of itself is an accomplishment, haha!! ;)

This is really great hun, and I cannot wait to read more. (Actually, I may have already read ahead, lol, but I digress.) I am super excited to see where you go with this, especially as the events of DH start to take place, if it goes that far... Keep up the great work!! And again, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to this. I cannot wait to see your responses tho!! Hopefully you don't think that I was being too critical with this review... See you in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the swap!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

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Review #19, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: Some Sacred Questions, Some Marijuana

22nd September 2014:
Hello, I'm back again!! Sorry it took me so long to get back here. I'm such a slow reader sometimes, lol! But I was SO happy to see that you enjoyed my reviews as much as I have been enjoying this story so far! And at least now I know why Tristan's face-claim looks so familiar: I LOVE Being Human!!! Ugh, I miss that show SO MUCH!!! I watched the US version, but once it got canceled here I looked up the UK version, and that was where I had seen Craig Roberts before, lol! =P

So Tristan IS a Slytherin then! I kinda thought so, but I wasn't too sure. You definitely had be guessing for a minute there, lol! That is a very interesting revelation, considering his heritage and all that. Though I am beginning to feel like there is more than meets the eye on his mother's side of the family here. How else would you explain his unusual interest in Harry Potter (last chapter) and then in Neville Longbottom (this chapter) huh? Does he, or perhaps someone else in his family, actually know about the prophecy somehow? Are they involved with any Dark Wizards? Tristan's last name sounds SOO familiar, but I just can't seem to place where I have heard it before. And what is up with this mysterious 'R' middle-name?? The only R's that I can think of right now are Regulus Black, and Rudolphus & Rabastan Lestrange; all of whom are also Slytherins... Could Tristan's family have any connections to those wizards?? I wonder, I wonder. Guess I shall just have to read on to find out!

But anyway, I was glad to see that Tristan is, in fact, in Slytherin; as now there really are people from ALL the houses represented in their little group. Way cool how you did that, btw. Gotta love that house unity!! I am even more curious to see how the 4 (or 6 if you count the twins) of them met tho. Will that information be revealed in a later chapter, perhaps? If not, have you ever considered writing a prequel or something to show how they all originally became such good friends? I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be interested in seeing how "The Hex Heads" were formed, haha!! I've also seen that this story is completed now as well. (You got done posting all of this SO FAST, btw!!) And I was happy when I saw that, cuz it means that I won't have to wait for updates between chapters now. But at the same time, I feel like I really don't want this story to ever end, haha!! Have you given much thought to writing a sequel to this?? I think it would be way cool to see a "Year Six" story, as I would very much like to see how all of these characters respond to the whole Chamber of Secrets ordeal, lol!! ;)

Can I just say that I love Emily!?! I think that she is my personal favorite of their group. I know we haven't really seen much of Laurel yet, so I really shouldn't be picking favorites already; but I can't help it!! Speaking of Laurel tho; she really does seem to have a bot of an addiction to Cheering going on here, doesn't she? I hope that she realizes this is becoming a problem and gets help at some point, but I'm sure that I will have an opportunity to share my thoughts on all of that in a future chapter. For now I shall just stay focused on EMILY, as I do not wanna run up my word-count, lol! I just love her personality, and I like how much closer she is with Tristan than the other two are. Their note-passing scene was so cute! Not sure what direction you're gonna go with their relationship here, but it would be really cool if those two got together, I think... I love how quirky she is to. You really don't see too many stories that feature Hufflepuff characters, so this is such a refreshing thing to read.

I think that you handled the Sorting Ceremony brilliantly, and I love the little backstory that you created between her and Dumbledore. Also, I absolutely adored the fact that Tonks kind of took her in from the beginning. She really is so open and accepting of everybody, and I love how you brought that into her character here. And look; you even managed to bring Cedric Diggory into this as well, which was awesome by the way!! Tho thinking of Cedric just made me realize that the Hex Heads won't be at Hogwarts for the Tri-Wizard tournament. Which is sad, because I feel like Emily would have been really proud to see a fellow Hufflepuff as the Hogwarts Champion... I really enjoyed reading this whole chapter in Emily's POV. She really does have SUCH a great sense of humor! This line was probly my favorite line in the story so far tho: "Super Baby Harry Potter ended up Gryffindor - to exactly no one's surprise"

I was happy to see that Emily and Tristan had potions class together, and I loved the little entrance that they made. Good for them for choosing to defy the social norms and sit together, haha! The ending of the chapter was great too. Your characterization of Snape was spot-on. It's so typical of him to give all the credit to a Slytherin, even if it is for someone else's work. I hope that Emily doesn't take this too personally though, as Snape just cannot help himself sometimes, lol.. Honestly though, you just write everything SO perfectly!! Even your end-notes are AWESOME!! You have clearly put so much time and effort into this Novel, and it has truly paid off so beautifully!! I just cannot put into words how much I freaking LOVE this story right now, haha!! Thank you so much for writing it, Roisin!! This is truly spectacular work, and you deserve every single Dobby Award that you are about to win for this, lol!! Idk how soon It'll be before I can get to the next chapter, but this is definitely NOT the last time you will be hearing from me, lol. I cannot wait to read this entire story and see how everything plays out here!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!

You should TOTALLY check out the other things he's been in! Sumbarine is pretty brilliant! And Skins:Fire got pretty universally bad reviews, but I ADORED IT (and slightly fell in love with his character). (By slightly I mean a lot).

So the Slytherin reveal: YAY! I was hoping for that to have some impact, but also not to be totally unexpected. AND YOU ARE RIGHT, you DO recognize his last name! As for R names, don't forget about Rookwood, Riddle, Remus, Rosier, and Rowle (to name a few) ;)

And yes! There is a bit of a flashback to how they all met! Glad you were hoping for that!

I may have posted all of this quickly, but I didn't WRITE it quickly! I spent over a year working on this, and only started uploading once I'd finished (but then I invariably ended up editing EVEN MORE).

I'm SO GLAD that people like Emily! I sort of wanted her to be the favorite, because Hufflepuff definitely doesn't get nearly enough love. But if you think about it, they have some of the BEST qualities!

Heheheh, Cedric went through an awkward phase! It was SOSOSO sad for me to write him, knowing that he died D:

SO GLAD you liked Snape, too! I'm sort of obsessed with him, and I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, but it was really fun for me to write him being (as he traditionally was) just super duper maddening!

SQUEE! Thank you SO much for all your kind words! I'm going to do a joyful little jig now! I so appreciate your taking the time to leave so much detailed feedback!

xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #20, by Yoshi_KittenGone: The Disappearance

16th September 2014:
At first I was like: "What is this? What am I reading right now?" But then I remembered that this was one of YOUR fics and I was like: "Oh yeah, Joey wrote this so it's okay!" Like ALL of your stories are so dark and interesting, lol, they really make you think!! And you have this unique style of writing about you to where I can just read something and know it came from you. You are a very distinguishable author, Joey, and your pieces are always memorable. This one-shot was no exception! (:

The concept behind this little tale is so frightening! Where did you get the inspiration for such an idea? I cannot even begin to imagine what I'd do if I were to ever wake up to a situation like this. Not sure if I'd have the strength to endure it for as long as Al did here tho... I think the most creep part of this was imagining the Burrow empty and void of all activity. Like Al, I think that was when it became more real to me as I was reading this. I kept waiting and waiting for there to be some sort of catch; like maybe he was having a bad dream or something. But then I realized that this was really happening and I just felt so depressed for Al. I wanted to reach in and give him a hug, lol!

Of all the characters you could have chosen to center this fic on tho, I am glad that you chose Albus. The scene where he was flipping thru the old photo album broke my heart. (Btw, you describing Rose as the photographer reminded me of Em's fic, haha!) I'm glad to see that Al and Scorpius were such good friends. It was a bit weird seeing Scorpius portrayed as the brainy one, instead of Rose. But then again, you're always changing it up and forcing us to view these characters in a new light like that, which I quite enjoy.

The ending was so sad. You ended it perfectly, mind you, but it was still heartbreaking nonetheless. Just to see Al consciously telling "no one" in particular that he knew he was going to go crazy one day. Heck, he was probly already a little out of his mind while he was writing this letter. Anyway, the concept is very depressing. ='(

I'm not sure what to feel right now, lol. This one-shot was great, even if it did not have the happy ending that I was hoping for. I seriously love all of you writing, Joey. Can't wait to see more, cuz you are amazing!!! =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad I'm getting a reputation for the dark and interesting from you. I just find it fun to explore things that I haven't seen explored before on the site. And developing a signature style of writing is one of my main goals, thank you!!

This is what I took from that quote at the end! I don't think this is what most people would have thought of, but then again, that's exactly why I wrote it! I had to add in the part about the Burrow being empty to really drive home the emotional point, I think. And, I hardly ever give my stories like this a catch. I always force my characters to suffer freely and in reality haha.

I didn't do that on purpose, but that is a funny little connection. I bet Annett would be mostly fine in this situation, lol. I try my hardest to make Al and Scorpius friends, unless it completely contradicts my story. I do like switching up the traits I assign to the Next-Gen kids periodically to keep everyone on their toes, I must say.

I know the end was depressing, but the ending I had in mind at first was a whole LOT worse. This is, by far, the more hopeful of the two. Take from that what you will. I'm so happy that you love my writing. I hope to upload much more soon! Thanks for the swap Deana!


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Review #21, by Yoshi_KittenThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

15th September 2014:
Hey Gabbie, Deana here (finally) to check out your story as requested in your last review of LNW. Sorry it has taken me so long to get here. I currently have 2 other long-term swaps going, and I am doing the Gryffindor review exchange this month too, so literally ALL the free-time I have to devote to HPFF has been taken up by that. I haven't even been able to finish writing the next chapter of my story yet cuz I've been so busy reading/reviewing other stories, lol! Now that I am here tho, there is just SO MUCH that I wanna comment on!! I shall do my best to squeeze everything into this before the character-limit cuts me off tho! ^_^'

Ok, so you were right: this was definitely NOT what I expected, haha!! I'll be perfectly honest with you tho, I am absolutely dead-set AGAINST this "industry" that Audrey is involved with here. I do not support it at all, and I absolutely hate the way that our society today has put so much emphasis on sex-appeal. I am a very reserved (save-sex-til-marriage) kind of gal when it comes to stuff like this, so when I saw the premise of this story, I'll admit that it really did not interest me. At all. I think that was why it took me so long to actually get around to reading it... That being said, however, I am SO GLAD that I finally decided to give this story a chance, because I loved it! You have chosen to write about such a sensitive issue, and yet it is not too over the top at all. It wasn't too descriptive, and I feel like you handled the sensitivity of the issue rather well here. Audrey is clearly struggling to make ends meet, and you can see that she is just in the job for the money, and not because she actually enjoys dong it. I am so rooting for her to get out of this career, and really DO something better with her life some day. Hopefully falling for Percy Weasley can help her to achieve this, lol! ;)

I like what you have done with Audrey's character here. She's confident, but not too cocky, and she really carries herself well. I was glad when she didn't let her boss walk all over her. He really does sound like a creep, and I don't blame her one bit for wanting to keep away from him. The fact that she isn't one of those girls who would rather "sleep her way to the top" speaks volumes about her character. She has self-respect, and I really like that about her. She is also clearly not afraid to go after what she wants, lol. I quite liked her initial attraction to Percy starting out as curiously. The way that you introduced the two of them was very real, and I found the whole setup to be extremely realistic. I could totally see George convincing Percy to go out with him and Lee Jordan to a strip club and, in light of Fred's death, I do not think that Percy would refuse. Before the war he wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like that, maybe, but he has clearly changed now. You can also tell that he is trying to be there for his brother, even though he is clearly uncomfortable, which I found to be very sweet of him. I've never really cared for Percy as a character in the HPFF universe, so I don't really read stories about him very often. But I must say that I quite like your take on Percy a lot here, actually. And that's saying something, lol! =P

You have set their future relationship up so well here, Gabbie. This will definitely be "one to tell the kids" some day, haha!! I like how she is clearly attracted to him in an unusual way, and even though he doesn't care to admit it, I think that he likes her too. Their banter back and forth on the way to the restaurant, and then again while they were eating, was really fun to read. I cannot wait to see how you go about bringing these two inevitable love-birds together! I'm actually glad that it wasn't exactly "love-at-first-sight" for both of them, as this makes things far more interesting. Your overall concept here, although I was a bit skeptical of it at first, it truly do believe that it really WORKS!! And now that I have read it, I actually do love it!! =D

I am SO glad that you requested this story for me, cuz I do not think I ever would have looked at it otherwise. Not only are you a fabulous reviewer, but you are also a really great writer!! I cannot wait to read more of your stuff now, Gabbie!! I shall be adding this one to my Favorites and reading your updates!! Please write more soon, and I shall get to the next chapter of this as soon as time allows! (:

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!

Goodness, this monster nearly gave me a heart attack. I don't get such long reviews and I couldn't really grasp the awesomeness of this without shrieking. :D

I know that a lot of people would have been put off by the concept of this story. I honestly can't blame them for wanting to turn away or not really read it because I know that this isn't something that a lot of people are comfortable with talking about.

It's a darker part of the world but I feel like these sort of things deserve to be written with just as much care as say, a posh wedding or a death scene. Hm...well, maybe not that second one so much! I thought that Audrey would be a good character to write because she's not at all what you would EXPECT her to be and that's always a lot of fun.

Audrey is struggling to keep herself together and I like that she came off as very strong and capable. I wanted to have her a bit weak in some areas so she didn't appear like an indestructible statue and I'm happy that that was able to come through as well.

Percy has changed a lot since Fred's death and he would in fact, have gone to a strip club just to clear his mind. I think that a lot of people assume that he didn't love his brother and it's obvious to me that they did care about each other in their own way. I think that if Fred had lived, they would have been able to bridge that gap between them and get very close.

I wanted them to appear as real as possible so the way they meet might be a bit unusual but the attraction is something a lot of people have been through. Hahaha, they bicker a lot but the interest is there! This wouldn't have been a love at first sight thing but it's a something and that's all that I wanted to put across.

Thanks a lot for stopping by with this really great, encouraging review. I hope you come back for future chapters! :)

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #22, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: The Hex Head Express

15th September 2014:
Im back again for chapter 2! I have a feeling the character-limit is gonna cut me off here cuz there is SO MUCH I wanna comment on, but I'll try to cover everything...

OMG, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!!! No really, I swear I know people just like this in RL, lol. In fact, Tristan reminds me a LOT of my little brother; especially when it comes to the music thing. Ever since the invention of portable music devices, Cody can pretty much ALWAYS be seen with a pair of headphones around his neck - no joke! My little bro is a drummer in 3 different bands, and he has always been pretty BIG into music. Most of my family members are musicians of some sort; myself included, so I must say that the musical aspect of this is one of my most favorite things thus far. Cant say that I blame Tristan for wanting to listen to his music before not being able to play it anymore for the duration of the school year. After all, he's got the whole year to hang with his friends, so I probly would have made the same call there.

So what happened in the last chapter was his first time them? Oh no, the poor dear. I hope he is okay. Again, I just wanna reach in and give him a hug! I hope he doesnt stay depressed for too long tho, now that he is around all of his friends and back at school again. Speaking of which; I think you did an excellent job, yet again, at giving us such a detailed description of Tristan through his friends. I feel like I really got to know him a lot better in this chapter, even though he didnt really say much. I cant help but wonder why he seemed so interested in Harry. Even though Harry is so much younger than Tristan, it would be cool to see the two of them bump into each at some point in this, I think.

Tristan really did need some "cheering up" after the way his summer ended, I'd say. (You see what I just did there? Haha!) Honestly, I still CANNOT believe that Ive never seen this done before... I mean, come on! I remember what it was like to be a teenager, and this is exactly how it pretty much went, lol! And for someone to bring something so REAL like this into the HP universe is just AMAZING!! I mean, using Cheering Charms as recreational magic to get buzzed? Thats just plain BRILLIANT! And the concept is just SO believable too. Like, seriously, I can relate to this type of thing on a very personal level. I have always been a bit of a misfit myself, so I know what its like to be on the outside/non-popular group in school. My friends and I kind of had our own nerd-gang back in the day as well; though we werent nearly as cool as the "Hex-Heads" seem to be tho, lol. Love that name for their group too, btw! (:

I am enjoying ALL of your OC's in this so far, and I cannot wait to get to know them more. Idk if Isobel is into guys or girls, but I feel like there could be something there between her and Emily. Maybe. Or I at least got the sense that Isobel might have a small crush on her. Perhaps. There was just something about the attention to detail that was paid to Emily's character (by Isobel) all throughout this chapter that suggested she may like her as more than just a friend. I could be way off here tho, and if I am then feel free to just ignore this comment, lol! ^_^'

OMG, I absolutely LOVE ALL the little bits of Cannon that you have included in this chapter. I recognized the toad as Trevor immediately, lol, and was especially happy when I seen Hermione make an appearance in their compartment as she was trying to help Neville find him. I enjoyed their conversation about Harry too, especially when the twins began to explain how their mom had helped him onto the platform. And what they said about Ron being a "Probable embarrassment to the House of Gryffindor" was just hilarious!! Their comments about Percy were hysterical too, lol. Honestly, the twins were just PERFECT in this - in every possible way!! =D

I love how you made mention of Charlie and Tonks hee too! I've always seen Tonks as kind of a Rebel, so it was nice to see that she had her own group similar to this while in school, lol. Were her and Charlie in the same group together, perhaps? I could totally see the two of them being friends, so I sure hope that they were. Plus, Charlie definitely seems like the type of guy who would like to smoke - I have always thought this - so it's good to see that someone out there is finally writing it this way, lol! Oh, and the image of a stoned Arthur Weasley gave me quite a good laugh too! As obsessed with Muggles as Arthur is, the idea that Fred and George would use this to get their father to partake with them is extremely believable. Albeit, unexpected out of Mr. Weasley, but believable nonetheless. I can only imagine what Molly would say if she ever found out about this, lol! =P

I liked the mention of Penelope Clearwater in this too, and cant help but wonder how much of her we'll see in this since she shares a room with 2 of the girls... Another thing I like is the fact that not all of these friends are from the same house. You have Isobel & Laurel in Ravenclaw, Emily in Hufflepuff, Fred & George in Gryffindor, and -wait- what house is Tristan in? He strikes me as a Slytherin, but I dont think it was directly stated in this chapter which house he was in for sure. It'd be cool if he was a Slytherin tho, because then they would have someone from all 4 of the houses represented in their group. & Speaking of the houses, that part where they were assigning each house a corresponding drug at the end really cracked me up! They were all pretty accurate pairings too, lol!! But I especially enjoyed all the "puff" jokes about Hufflepuff, and the implication that Mrs. Sprout secretly grows weed in her restricted greenhouse, haha!! ALL of this stuff is just SO GENIUS!!!

Well, Im all outta room now, lol. See ya in the next chapter!

100/10 =)
~Deana~

Author's Response: !!YEE THANK YOU!!!

I am SO GLAD you find the characters relatable and like, RESONANT. These are the kinds of kids we didn't really see much of in canon (or if they were this way, we didn't hear about it)--so I SUPER wanted to see how they would interact with the wizarding world. And just, GAH, I can't even imagine not being able to listen to music for months on end! And being 15/16 to boot!

I'm sososo glad that you felt like you got to know Tristan better in this chapter! Rotating POVs was really fun for me because I got to look at everyone from so many different angles, and play with how I revealed information. (I pretty much stole that whole idea from Rowling's Casual Vacancy, actually, where that method was just MASTERFUL!)

I had no idea when I wrote this whether or not recreational magic was a thing that ever came up, but it just seemed so OBVIOUS to me! I mean: TEENAGERS. This story was pretty much inspired by the conversation, "well, if *I* was at Hogwarts..."

Definitely the most fun thing about writing a non-AU Hogwarts era story was being able to weave in so much canon! I also understand why people tend to avoid this genre, because OH MY GOD THE RESEARCH IT REQUIRED! But I am a nerd, and it was researching POTTER, so I was actually pretty into doing it!

Yay, Tonks! I was sososo happy to realize she would have overlapped with my OCs! And my headcanon dictates that Tonks and Charlie were definitely besties :D And RIGHT! I completely agree about Charlie smoking! (And actually, more-so Bill. I am forever angry at how the films cast him. He was supposed to have long hair, combat boots, and an earring!)

And Arthur! Hehehee. It was really funny to me to imagine him not really understanding what it was, and thinking of it as some quaint muggle novelty ;) Molly would probably be worlds-destroyingly furious if she found out--but she would have to understand the implications of it. I've noticed that different cultures in the world have different attitudes about different substances, and certain widespread things elsewhere aren't widely used in the western world. So I thought it would be fun to suggest different attitudes/levels of knowledge about common muggle things.

And yee, I had SO MUCH FUN with the substances+houses assignments! That was some of my favorite stuff to write :D

Seriously, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reviews! They are AMAZING! Once RL lets up a little bit in the next weeks I will be inhaling your story!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #23, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

14th September 2014:
Hello Roisin, I'm Deana. I must say, I have heard nothing but great things about this story recently, so I was REALLY excited when I saw that we got paired together for the Review exchange this month!! I had been meaning to give this a read anyway, and this just gave me the perfect opportunity to get here sooner. And now I am officially hooked!!! Like, I'm coming back to leave this review, but I have already read the first 3 chapters because I just could NOT put this down once I started reading it!! You write like a pro, your characters are extremely realistic and relatable. And I am just so beyond impressed by this right now. =)

Now that I've gone and inflated your ego a little bit, (lol!) let me talk about the characters... SOPHIE: As she was a Muggle, and since they did obliviate her memories of that night, I get the feeling that we won't be seeing much of her anymore, now that Tristan is off to Hogwarts. Which is sad, really, as she had quite a back story going on there with trying to make her ex jealous and all that. And Tristan really seemed to be into her. Obviously I know now that she was his first now, but was he her first as well? If so, then that is awful that she doesn't even remember it now!! I really felt bad for her, and also for Tristan because he actually liked this girl and now they're taking her away from him. I mean, she as totally buying into his dad's cover story about advanced technology, and it's actually not a very far stretch, considering that Muggles really will have digital picture frames and the like 23 years into the future! I loved how she thought they were all a bunch of tiny little TV's at first tho, until she dropped it and the portrait reacted to her. That was brilliant! You have set everything up for this so well right from the start. I am loving it!! ;)

TRISTAN: First of all, I like that you used Sophie to describe his features, as he does not seem like the type of bloke to talk about himself much, lol. He seems quiet and shy, and like he doesn't really say much until you get to know him. He was so sad at the end. I just wanted to reach into the story and give him a hug! Tristan is a very deep thinker, the metaphor about the trees at the end was a great way to demonstrate this. He certainly is unique in his own way, and I cannot wait to learn more about the way he views the world. I love how emotional and angsty he is here too, it really adds to his character and tells a lot about his personality. If you don't mind me asking; who is the guy you are using for him in your graphics? He looks so familiar, but I cannot figure out where I've seen him before, lol.

The only tiniest bit of CC that I can come up for this right now is in regards to the POV switch in the middle of the chapter. It just kind of threw me off a bit at first because it wasn't really broken up at all, and it just jumped right into another person's thoughts without warning. I feel like there should have been an extra added space in between the paragraphs of the two characters, or perhaps one of those line-break bar thingys? I've even seen some people use the */b> or ~ symbols to mark POV changes within a solitary chapter before. Again, this may sound picky, and it could just be me, but it did distract me from reading it the first time, so I felt like it was worth mentioning. Once I read back over it again and realized what was going on, everything was absolutely great!! :D

Oh, and I also really liked how you used an actual Obliviator that was mentioned in Cannon here also. I know you said that you had done a huge amount of research for this, in order to keep it as close to Cannon as possible, and it really shows!! The time and effort that you have put into this is incredible, and all of that hard work has definitely paid off, I'd say! I seriously think that this could easily become one of my all-time favorite stories that I have ever read on HPFF – it has THAT MUCH potential!!! I am super looking forwards to reading and reviewing the rest now! I've already favorited it and I am going to recommend this to all my my friends now too. This is off to such a great start, and I am stoked to see what kind of mischief they get into at Hogwarts!!

10/10 - this was seriously SUCH a perfect first chapter!!
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!!!

Thank you SO MUCH for leaving such an amazing, insightful, review! You rule!

I'm super glad the just TRAGEDY of that whole obliviation scenario came off! I really wanted to examine in what ways the wizarding world could be uniquely cruel, and that idea was just THE SADDEST THING! Plus, it seemed like something that *must* happen from time to time (because kids would *totally* end up ignoring the statute if they could get some kisses out of it).

Ooh! You're the first person to ask about faceclaims! I was SUPER proud of them! Tristan is a Welsh actor named Craig Roberts (he was in "Submarine", "Skins:Fire", and had a small recurring role on "Being Human"--plus starred in the spin-off web series. Some other things too, but those are the main ones.) I spent FOREVER coming up with faceclaims, because I really wanted everyone to *actually* look like teenagers, look like they *could* be wearing robes for any chapters set at Hogwarts (or be easy enough to photoshop), and not all look super glamorous/high fashion. I ended up going with Indie actors who started out at teenagers, and picked the ones who had the most usable photos. I was really pleased when I thought of Roberts for Tristan! He was close enough to my original mental-image, and then I ended up rewriting the whole thing with that actor in mind! I'm actually really glad I did that, because I feel like it helped me catch awkward/unrealistic dialog :)

Thank you SO MUCH for the note about the POV shift! I will definitely take your advice, and do some sort of page break! I'll stick to the all caps tag as well, but you're right--the first time the shift happens the reader has very little indication of what is going on.

Your kind words! Ah!1!1! THANK YOU!

Weaving in canon was SO MUCH FUN for me! I also really liked that, since Rowling created *so frikken many* characters, I didn't have to come up with whole new names or anything--I could just scan the HP wiki or Lexicon! Plus, if you think about it, the wizarding world must be TINY, considering the size of the Hogwarts student body, and the canon indication that most magical kids in Britain go to Hogwarts. I decided to recycle canon as much as possible because that just seemed more realistic! I mean, all of Magical Britain probably amounts to, like, the population of one smallish city!

I can't wait to get started on your story, which has been on my reading list for a while!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #24, by Yoshi_KittenLife As We Know It: chapter one

11th September 2014:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy from the forums here to begin out review-swap!! And I must say that this was such an excellent first chapter!! =)

Okay, so right off the bat, I love that this is in Hermione's perspective. Honestly, I don't think I've really read much from her POV before, so this is a refreshing change already. You have really seemed to capture her inner-voice quite well. She is clearly jealous of Lavender, and you did a great job capturing that. I really liked when you went into detail about Lavender being so unorganized, and what she said about her favorite class being Divination made me laugh. I love the contrast that you have created between these two girls. They are complete opposites, and you have done a remarkable job at demonstrating this! (:

I felt so heartbroken for Hermione though, when she was first entered the room of requirement. You did such an epic job at capturing such raw emotions in this entire chapter, but that part really got to me. This line here was one of my favorites:
Books and cleverness was one thing, but in the end, that's all that they were, just a thing that held no meaning. There was no companionship in them, no comfort, just words. --Right in the feels, lol!! Seriously though, your language in this is just beautiful!

I wasn't expecting this story to start out in their 6th year, but I'm glad it did. I loved reading this part of HBP (though it is slightly different) from Hermione's POV. And I think it's cool how you've shown that there can be more than one person using the room of requirement at once. Was the shimmer she seen there because Draco was using the room as the place where lost things are hidden at before she entered it? Is that why she could not see him at first? You know, I never considered what would happen if two people were using the room for two entirely different things at the same time. This is a very intriguing concept. It would explain how she was able to hear him but not able to physically see him before Ron and Lavender barged in though. I like it.

The beginning of the chapter was perfect, it drew me in right away. And the ending was amazing also, as it definitely has me wanting to read more now. I love your writing style already and I cannot wait to see where you go from here. Clearly Draco and Hermione still hate each other right now, but I cannot wait to see how you go about changing that. And who knows? You might just make a Dramione shipper outta me yet, haha!! =P

Thanks so much for the swap offer. I'll see ya again in the next chapter!
~Deana~

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Review #25, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exclamations of Merlin’s Extensive Collection of Lingerie

11th September 2014:
Thank Merlin that Annett is safe!!! Good for Al for saving her. I really do hope he finds out the truth soon, lol! But there I go, getting ahead of myself again. See what you've made me do?? :-P

I like how you were still able to incorporate her Annett-ness humor into an otherwise frightening situation. All of her colorful remarks about Merlin's various undergarments were very funny to read, lol. And the beginning - where she was talking about her dislike of large crowds, having all eyes on her, close physical contact, and then the fear of dying - that was all so well executed!! I was laughing so much at her on that part. (Not in like a mean way tho, lol!!) And the title of this chapter is brilliant, btw! That is probly the best title of any chapter in the history of all chapter titles, haha!! =D

I must say, Em, I am impressed with how well you did on your first action scene here. The writing was really good and it flowed so well. I like how your paragraphs are always nice and short. It makes it easy to read and follow along when a lot is happening like this. You definitely kept me on the edge of my seat and had me guessing as to how she was going to get herself out of that situation. Very clever how she uses her knowledge of science to escape from the Acromantulas. I love how completely unpredictable this story is at times. Like, I never expected that Albus would be her savior tho! But yay, yay, yay, MORE Annett/Albus action in this chapter!! You should know by now how much of a sucker I am for those two, lol!! Albus was so adorably gentle with her, and I just loved seeing him nurse her back to health. Even if he doesn't know that Annett = Fufu, it's still soo sweet!!! And that doesn't change the fact that she knows who he is. I wonder how this will effect that way that Annett views Al from now on...

" Al is fit. I test the words in my head, puzzled. What would I do with a thought like that? What will I do with the fact that I don't actually mind being held by him like this? What happened to cringing at physical contact? " *dies* I rest my case. I totally fangirled for a moment there, sorry. ;)

So Al is a prefect, huh? And why was he out riding a broom so late for anyways?? Questions, questions... OMG, the part where he was trying to come up with a name for her tho was hilarious, and probly my favorite scene in this entire chapter, haha!! I mean, Fufu, really?? Honestly, I feel like he should have just stuck with Cinnamon, lol. Oh goodness, this is going to be SO AWKWARD if and what Al ever finds out the truth about her. Gah!! I cannot wait to see that conversation happen, haha!! Please tell me that this will happen some day?!? A secret like this cannot possibly stay hidden forever, lol!! =P

Random side-note: Who exactly is Ginkgy? I am assuming that she is a house-elf that works in the kitchens, maybe? But it is never really specified here. That whole little apple-strudel segment could probly use a little sprucing up, as it just felt a bit jumpy and it doesn't really flow well with the rest of the chapter... Try re-reading it out loud, just to see how it sounds, and you'll see what I mean, perhaps... that's honestly the only tiny bit of CC that I have for this chapter tho, as again you are continuing to improve!! Keep up the great work, Em. =)

Sorry it took me a few days (again) to get back to this. We had an emergency at work and I have had to pick up a lot of overtime this past week. Things should be getting back to usual again soon, I hope. I am so far behind with my reviews and chapter updates right now, it's not even funny!! But I shall hopefully have some time over the weekend to finally get caught up! I've missed you this week, Em. (((HUGS)))

~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! :D

Gahh! Thank you! I have always wanted to explore exclamations of Merlin's extensive collection of lingerie, so I thought I would name the chapter like that. :D

And I do like providing reason for laughter even in the face of death. So I'm delighted you like that part!

About Al and Annett. . . [waggles eyebrows and grins evilly].

Oh dear. No, he's not a prefect. He just likes taking late broom rides for some reason that will be explicitly said on ch. 13.

That will have to happen someday and I have gotten a relatively clear idea of how that's all going to go down. :D I am trying to make it funnier than it is now because I feel that I need to fully exploit the awkwardness that will ensue. Hopefully, that won't disappoint. :)

Ginkgy is a house-elf, yes. I can't believe I neglected to mention that [facepalms].

I see exactly what you mean. A while ago, when trees chapters barely reached the thousands in word count, it was split. I have some metaphorical ironing to do are. Thank you for pointing that out. I would have never known. You are amazingly helpful, Deana and my appreciation for that is beyond my ability to express in words.

I understand, Deana. I really do. :D You need not apologise [returns hug]. I've missed you loads too and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the Diwali chapter! :D


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