CAN YOU PLEASE POST THE NEXT CHAPTER BEFORE I GO ABSOLUTELY INSANE ?!
By far, one of the BEST Dramione - no, one of the best OVERALL - stories I've read. And I've read a lot. Absolutely bloody BRILLIANT the way you've characterized everyone. Honestly, I sat here in front of my computer completely flabbergasted at what just happened. I'm literally typing this with my mouth wide open. Wow. That's all I can say.
You're absolutely ruddy brilliant.Author's Response: Wow, yourself! What a review! Thank you so much... reviews like this ALWAYS totally blow my mind! I really appreciate that you enjoy my characterization, that is something that is really important to me. I want them to come across as canon, but with a realistic twist that comes with age, and how people would truly behave in such circumstances. It helps when you just love them as characters, too... which I do!
Again, thank you SO MUCH! I am working on more... :) Report Review
This is one of the most original and exceptionally well-written stories I've read and loved. In a few chapters, there are a few typos, but it's alright because, well, everyone makes typos, right? Your story is very well-written and I enjoyed reading it immensely. I hope you'll update soon. Report Review
I'm rooting for Draco, and I'm hoping beyond hope that you'll have him with Hermione at the end!Author's Response: Well I can't reveal that, but I hope you continue to enjoy the story regarldess. Thansk so much for reading :) Report Review
I have to say, reading Dramione fics are a guilty pleasure of me. But I have rarely found both a VERY well-written one that, at the same time, causes chills to run up and down my arms.
This is absolutely bloody FANTASTIC and I am oh so upset that it isn't completed. I'm going to be waiting for ages for another update, but I'm hoping against all hope that you'll update VERY soon.. perhaps, for your newest fan?
This is the first 10/10 rating I have ever given anyone. Great job writing and keeping your readers intrigued. I do hope you haven't forgotten about this and you'll update ASAP. Report Review
I am so, so sorry for not leaving a review sooner but it's been hectic and all I have time for is to skim over every chapter and then I'm off to do something else. Anyway, enough of my excuses.
I'd like to say that usually, sequals aren't usually up to par with the first story, but I have to say, you wrote this sequal well!
I loved reading all the previous chapters. A few made me laugh, actually. I'm kind of upset over the fact that Scorpius married that cow but I'm sure you have many twists lined up for us!
Can't wait to read more and I really do hope you update as quickly as possible! Report Review
Are you going to post more anytime soon? Report Review
Hello, vanitycrash again!
I have to say, I quite like this story. It's well-written, and it is quite intriguing. I don't see any mistakes, but that may just be because I am quite tired.
Anywho, sorry the reviews are short, but there's really nothing to criticise, since it's pretty well-written in my opinion.
Cheers!Author's Response: Thanks gald that you thought so. I hope you enjoy the rest if you do decide to read it. :) Report Review
vanitycrash again, here as you requested.
"How had she found me?" should actually be "How did she find me?" if you take tenses into consideration.
Hm, I don't seem to find any mistakes in this chapter, so I guess onto the third chapter?Author's Response: Well since it was in his head and his thoughts I thought about how Ron might say it and that is why it is worded that way, but it is technically correct as well as far as I know :) Thanks so much for continuing to review. :) Report Review
Hello, vanitycrash here as you requested! I apologize for the extremely long wait you had to endure, but you know how a busy life is, I hope. Secondly, since your story is quite long, I'll only be reviewing the first three chapters. But, this story is actually on my to-read list, so I'll be reading beyond the third chapter once I get to reading this- but I won't be able to review. Just know that I'll be reading. [:
The third sentance in the first paragraph didn't quite make sense to me. Maybe it's just me, but yes- it didn't make sense.
Correct me if I am wrong, but don't all Weasleys have brown eyes?
& by the way, I absolutely love The Fray. [:Author's Response: Actually no, Ron has blue eyes. I don't really remember about the others other than Ginny who has brown but if you check it out you will see that Ron does have blue eyes.
I can't specifically remember the first line so I will have to go back and check it out, sorry that it didn't make sense.
I love the fray as well. Report Review
This is my last review that you have requested from me.
Again, it would be quite easier to read if you put the sentances into well-developed paragraphs. Also, it would be much appreciated if you got rid of those long breaks in between sentances.
I don't think the story if quite British enough.
The only advice I have for you is this:
- Make the story more British-- hopefully you get what I mean.
- Create well-developed, lengthy, and descriptive paragraphs. DO NOT write a sentance, then create a new line for another sentance.
- Get rid of the long breaks in between writing.
Good luck on editing and such!Author's Response: Yes, as I said, the spaces aren't my fault. I'm not far-sighted or anything; I do see the spaces and realize that they shouldn't be there but the computer would not let me edit them out.
Mhmm, well I already responded to your points in your other two reviews and I don't care to retype them at the moment so I hope you understand why my story is failing in these ways.
I'm sorry that the story was so dreadfully unappealing that you couldn't find anything at all pleasant about it.
I appreciate the time you took to review. Report Review
vanitycrash again, here as you requested. I forgot to mention this in my first review, but as I'm short on time, I'll only be reviewing the first, second, and third chapters of your story, so I can get all other stories finished. Sorry!
What I don't quite like are the long breaks you have between each sentance. Also, you shouldn't create a new line for every sentance-- I guarantee that if you create lengthy, descriptive paragraphs, you will get many more readers for this story. Anyways, the long breaks made it quite hard for me to read.
Here's an example of how you could change a simple sentance into a descriptive sentance. You wrote: "She stood and looked quite bewildered as my cousin continued his mad romp after the runaway toad."
I changed it to: "She picked herself up, looking quite bewildered at my cousin, who continued his mad rampage after his runaway toad."
It makes quite a lot more sense, if you write it like that. Of course, I'm not saying to make every single sentance quite lengthy and such, as some simple sentances mixed in will make for a good story.Author's Response: That's fine - I understand...
Yes, I understand how the spaces may get annoying. However, I didn't put those there. The computer wouldn't allow me to submit the chapters for validation until I had inserted a ton of spaces everywhere. I didn't choose to start putting random spaces all over the place...
I don't boast description as my best skill, at all; I do work on developing it and the level of description most definitely improves throughout the rest of the story. I'm sorry that the lack of description obviously turned you off so much to the story.
Thank you for taking the time to review. Report Review
Hello-- vanitycrash here as you requested. I'd like to sincerely apologize for the EXTREMELY long wait you had to endure, but like everyone else, I've been quite busy with numerous things.
First off, I'd like to point out your story summary. The whole of Harry Potter is set in England, and 'y'all' is a Southern word, which isn't used in England.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that it isn't quite... British enough, if you (hopefully) know what I mean? I guess what I'm trying to say is that the writing style is all-American, and not British-y (If that's even a word), as it should be.Author's Response: Hi! No, I totally understand; I take forever to give reviews too - I understand business.
Yes, I do know what you mean by "British-y". That is a good point. However, I am not British so writing as if I were would prove to be slightly impossible and an eleven year old girl would end up sounding like a nightmarish British professor with a monocle.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
Um, isn't 'Crucio' the curse you were looking for? But then again, you pointed out that he died, so wouldn't it be 'Avada Kedavra?'
To be quite honest, there were numerous grammar and punctuation errors, but I overlooked them, as you said you were taking care of them. But the fact of the matter is, it's really hard for me, and probably many other readers as well, to read a story when there are many errors, such as the ones you have here. I am not trying to be rude-- on the contrary, I am trying to give constructive criticism, and hopefully you won't lash out on me like many others have, as I am only trying to help.
Sorry for the very short reviews!
vanitycrashAuthor's Response: Yeah that spell is another mistake that I have to fix. *Soon soon soon* :) Thanks for the review. I appreciate your advice, & I am definitely going to edit all of these chapters before I post anymore.
~Ginnyfan4life Report Review
vanitycrash again, here as you requested.
Again, you haven't quite explained the grief of the Weasley family's lost son. I know that isn't the main point of the story, but you really should add in the emotions and feelings of the characters.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Again, I will be expanding on this, BUT I still don't want the grief to be the main focus of the story.
~Ginnyfan4life Report Review
Hello, vanitycrash here as you requested! Firstly, I'd like to apologize for the long delay. I thank you for your patience; everything has been quite hectic for me and I hope you understand. Second of all, since your story has more than three chapters, I will only be able to review the first, second, and third chapters. Sorry for any inconvenience, but this is the only way I'll be able to review all the other stories.
Firstly, I noticed in the first sentance, it's cut off, and starts off on a new line. Could you possibly edit it and make it proper, as it's quite hard to read?
Quite honestly, it would make for a good story, but the problem is, you don't explain/grasp Ginny's despair and depression over her brother, who has just died. You should show her grief, and at least explain her emotions, mourning over her brother.Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I've fixed that sentence.
I will be expanding on this chapter soon so hopefully you will see some improvement in detail of feelings, especially Ginny. ( I Just found a beta for this story so we're going to edit it together :D )
~Ginnyfan4life Report Review
Hello, it's vanitycrash here as you requested! I'd like to apologize for the huge delay in reviewing-- it's been a VERY busy Christmas break. Anywho, onto reviewing!
I found a teeny little mistake: "Wonderful actually." should be, I think, "Wonderful, actually." Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but it's the way we were taught in English class.
In my honest opinion, I quite liked this. It was pleasant. The only thing that slightly irked me was the fact that Luna wasn't characterized properly, in my opinion. In the Harry Potter books, she is quite the character, and you made her somewhat normal in the story.
The only advice I have is to work on Luna's character-- she's a care-free girl that is quite random, not like everybody else.
Hope this review was satisfying!
LilithAuthor's Response: thank you for the lovely review. i addressed in the story that Luna's character changed due to the impact that a relationship with Blaise had on her. thanks for the wonderful review. i appreciate it so much. Report Review
Okay, onto the last chapter of reviewing. :]
“Please somebody HELP!!” The cries of desperation came from the middle of the Emergency room at St. Mungo’s. “Please I think he’s dying!” That line should be: "Please, somebody help!" Cries of desperation seemed to be coming from the middle of the emergency room at St. Mungo's. "Please, I think he's dying!"
You should NEVER use more than one exclamation mark (or question mark, if that's the case) to get your point across.
Words like 'Healer' and 'Auror' should actually be capitalized.
"Tubes were coming from inside their mouth and nose to drain the blood, to prevent them from chocking on it." should be "Tubes were coming from inside their mouth and nose to drain the blood and prevent them from choking on it."
“Is either this, or a job as a janitor at the ministry,” Hermione threw the paper on top of the table. “You will not stay here, doing nothing, and wasting your life.” should be: "It's either this or a job as a janitor at the Ministry," Hermione threw the paper down on to the table. "You will not sit here doing nothing, wasting your life away."
You have many punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors, just like the previous two chapters.
"Anna/Hanna" is actually spelled "Hannah Abbott"
A secretary is a person, so you didn't need to put "After the table was a secretary with a young witch behind it, organizing papers and sending little paper airplanes in different directions." A secretary is not a thing; it's a person.
I also think that the writing style is a tad American. The storyline is in Great Britain, so I think you should write it in a Britain writing style. Add words and phrases that are used in England. Research England ways. It helps a lot, and makes for a better story.
You missed adding key words in some places, and you need more work on your punctuation and spelling. If you'd like another review, feel free to request again!Author's Response: Hello again =D
Didn't even realize I had used two exclmation points.
I'll be sure to change that, as well as capitalizing Healer and Auror. And the Hannah misspell.
Shoul have used desk instead then =P
Since I'm neither Amercian or British, I am more influenced by the American ways. I'll take your advice =)
This chapter isn't betaed yet too, so it's normal to find some of those.
Thank you for reviewing =)
Lilith again. :]
"Poisoning candles" should actually be "poisonous candles," as it makes much more sense.
"“I have no doubts you will be very successful at that” Molly took a book from inside her bag and hide behind it reading." should be ""I have no doubts you will be very successful at that." With that said, Molly grabbed a book from inside her bag and dissapeared behind it." To me, it makes much better sense.
"One of his co-workers found him dead, at 10 in the morning in his laboratory. Russian aurors refuse to give any statements as of yet. But Daily Prophet’s reliable sources have confirmed that Dr. Solovyov was murdered with the killing curse. The aurors are still examining the crime scene, for any sign of the perpetrator." should be "The Russian doctor was found dead at ten in the morning in the laboratory by one of his fellow co-workers. Russian Aurors refused to release any statements, but Daily Prophet's reliable sources have confirmed that Doctor Solovyov was murdered by the devastating killing curse. Aurrors are still examining the crime scene for any sign the perpatrator might have left behind."
I think a Daily Prophet writer would have very mature writing skills, and it should be differentiated from your normal writing for the story.
On another note, if you're calling Pansy Parkinson by her first name, you should be calling Goyle by his first name as well.
You overused the word 'and' way too much. Use commas.
You actually have quite a few punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors. Other than that, the story seems interesting. I'll review the other chapter in a few minutes. :]Author's Response: Hi again =)
This chapter hasn't been betaed yet, so it's normal to have mistakes like that.
I'll take your advices under account.
I had never written a newspaper article before. I've made some research on the matter, to see if I can improve.
Well I call Pansy by her first name and Goybe by his last, because that's the way they always called them in the books.
Thank you for another review =)
ForgottenFace Report Review
Hey! This is vanitycrash (Lilith) here to review your story, as you requested :]
There are a few spelling errors in the story. Also, I found a mistake: "A white owl flew into the fifth floor window of the institute’s building." Forgive me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be "A white owl flew in through the fifth floor window of the institute's building." ?
"He was sleeping on the chair, with his head leaned back and mouth hanging open, snoring lightly." should be "He was sleeping on the chair, with his head laid back, and his mouth hanging open, snoring lightly."
There are a few grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors, such as missing commas and such. Other than that, everything seems to be in order. [:
I'll review the next chapter in a few minutes.Author's Response: Hi vanitycreash!
Ahah now that you mentioned it, it's amusing imagining the owl flying into the window xD
Once the qeue re-opens I'll change it.
Thank you for reviewing =)
Aw, this was really sad. I quite liked it, but you should put the story into bigger paragraphs. I really have nothing else to say (sorry!), but keep writing :]
-- vanitycrashAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm glad you liked it. Was the paragraphing a bit hard to follow? I'll edit that, thanks for pointing it out!
Thanks for the review xD Report Review
You've got quite a few punctuation errors, but they can be easily fixed with the proper beta. [:
In the first paragraph, you switched tenses. At first, you were using the past tense, but after a few sentances in, you jumped to present tense. And then you switched back to past tense. I suggest you stick to one tense. Again, this is easily fixable. [:
The last part of the first paragraph doesn't make much sense to me. You started it by saying 'But the beginning of that one summer, the summer that had been the best one of my life, and the worst.' In a way, you didn't complete the sentance. It was a broken sentance. For example, you could change it to something like: "But the beginning of the summer before my seventh year, the summer that had been one of the best- and worst- in my life, changed a lot."
You have quite a few run-on sentances that you should break down into two or three sentances.
Other than those few mistakes, I liked this story. [:
-- vanitycrashAuthor's Response: thanks for the criticism! i think i'll take your advice and beta it myself, [since i am in a creative writing class & we edit papers and such] thanks!! =] Report Review
I can honestly say that I absolutely, positively, without a doubt LOVED this! Save for a few punctuation errors, I enjoyed reading it a lot. I love how you made this in Dennis' perspective, and you didn't make it all "Harry Potter, Ron Weasly, etc." I honestly have nothing else to say except for great job on writing this, and I'll be reading other stories of yours! [:
-- LilithAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. I felt it was necessary to write about Colin and Dennis, especially because that was a missing piece of the series. Thanks so much! ^_^ Report Review
Instead of typing out 'nineteen fifty-two,' you should just type '1952.' Also, 'The constant scowling, the hopeless misbehaving, the ongoing familial pressure.' You should put an 'and' after 'the hopeless misbehaving,'
I don't quite like the fact that you wrote 'the oddly lonesome year of ninteen --.' You could simply put 'the year of --,' and it would work just as well. Re-typing already used phrases makes the story a tad boring, and readers like myself don't like reading- literally- the same thing over again.
'Two and one half weeks,' should be 'two and a half weeks.'
(I'm not going to comment on every single thing after that, haha. I'm short on time.)
Overall, I liked this story. I liked the fact that you wrote this in a Death Eater's perspective (well, one who follows Voldemort), something I could never be able to write. Despite the few grammatical and punctuation errors you made, it made for a good read.
Great job!Author's Response: thank you for the wonderful review. your suggestions are accurate and lovely. thank you, thank you, thank you. Report Review
I have been following this story for quite a few months now. I just got an account a few days ago, and I decided to leave a review, since you deserve one for finishing this. I have to say, I simply loved this story. I'm looking forward to the sequal. I actually am not a fan of Rose/Scorpius ships, or even Next Generation era, but I was intrigued by your story, and it made me appreciate said era and ship so much more. Good work on this, I'm very glad you finished this, and I'm looking forward to the sequal, in which I will follow very closely and [promise] to review every chapter. [:
- !LILITHAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you gave the story a chance. I never really liked the Next Gen either until I started writing about them! Thanks again for all your support! Much appreciated! :D Report Review
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