): poor Mary, If when she if trying to break out people still expect her to be different, more average!
Grrr Miss Quigley (Yes I did just growl at a fictional character x3) hehe. Again a few very minor errors but like before, nothing tremendously huge :D
I like that Sirius has noticed that there is something wrong, with her losing her magical ability. It is nice that you are showing that everything isn't just happening in this year and that it has been a slow, progressive thing that has affected her all her life. :D
"DON'T STOP NOW!" She screamed to poor Charlotte Jones who was bright red in the face and breathing heavily. She stopped leaning against the oak tree and trying to catch her breath.
Loved it! :D
Oh, just an after note, I really do hate cliffies even if I can just move straight onto the next chapter and even if I do already know what happens x3Author's Response: Miss Quigley - silly woman. Again i'm going back to fix thoes errors eventually, it just might take a while :/
It had to happen progressively to make sense in my mind.
glad you liked it, and thaanks for reviewing :D
ahhha, I'm sorry about the cliffies, they're neccesary sometimes though ;) Report Review
Okay, I loved this chapter, (you are going to hear that a lot as I review x3)
The narrations is constant and easy to follow and, though dealing with a serious issue, you still manage to keep the tone light and humorous which is really great!
Oh, yes you are, you're just a different kind of Black, sure you don't care about blood purity, but you are just as bad ...
&Quote: Definitely my favourite but of this chapter, it seems no-one notices this when they write about Sirius Black but I love that Mary can see that! :D
A few minor spelling errors, nothing that can't be fixed though x3.
Gem xxAuthor's Response: Thannk you so very much!
I didn't want the story to be too miserable from the beginning, as that would make it very depressingy.
yup, theres many errors and stuff in the first chapters which I AM going to go back and fix. I SWEAR. :)
thank you for the review :D Report Review
Another powerful chapter, especially with consideration to her father's relations ship with her and the ways in which Karen is trying to be liked but can't seem to connect with Mary.
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Dad screamed. I opened the door and stuck my head out.
"I'M IN MY ROOM!"
^ I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed that sort of scene myself, even on a few occasions been a part of it x3 hehe. I am glad you have put in the little bit of home life at the beginning before jumping in to the train scene. I think people often make that mistake and forget to include what happens at home and how the family are bonded, after all, family does have a huge influence on how you are as a person :)
High five to Mary for the great knee action!
Gem xxAuthor's Response: Thannnk yyooouuu :D I wanted to put a bit more about her family in before we got to her other life at Hogwarts, and that seemed like the classic scene ^^ :)
go MARY! Report Review
I love this introduction; it really does hook the reader. I have read the story before (more than once let's just leave it at that) and I think that this really sets the mind set of your character up well!
The paragraph on the funeral really touched me. My friend went though the same thing when his father died. He just couldn't cry. It is really great that you have looked at it though this point of view rather than the usual of crying bucket loads. I also like that you have added in little details like the tantrums when things got confusing and her obsession with not being average in a surrounding world that, to her, seems so average.
Anyways like I said earlier I have read this story a few times but I thought it about time to start doing some proper reviewing for this story, since I love it so much!
Onwards I go!
Gemma xxAuthor's Response: AAwwwhh, this is lovely! You comming back to review it all I really do thank you :) (and that you've read my incredibly long story more than once?!?!).
I thought that crying bucketloads wouldnt really work that well for Mary at this point, and thank you soo much!!
Awwhh, thank you thank you :D Report Review
You had me utterly hooked on the old version, avidly waiting your next update, and now, if possible, you have me even more so!
I love the suspense of this chapter. The fact we don't know the characters yet, why she is in the position she is in, who they are hiding from, why was she going to leave without telling him, I could go on. It is different. It doesn't start like most fics do with a description of the person, some witty line and ending by getting onto the train. I love it!
Fabulous piece of work and I look forward to reading more of it.
Gemma xxxAuthor's Response: Oh good! That's what I wanted.
Haha, well that, I'm afraid to say, is coming with chapter 1, just to wreck the "surprise". I wanted some Weasley love and pre-train is a good place to write it in :P
Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed!
xx Report Review
Draco's reaction is simply perfect here! I was a little confused by Ginny's reaction in comparison to Harry's though.
Great chapter! I hope you update soon, I assume that Draco's character will be elaborated on in later chapters; I can't wait to find out his story, what has happened to him in the past five or so years. I am just a little curious as to Braxton's age though.
Please keep writing
Gem xx Report Review
First off, I loved the daddy bit. As a young child I think it does really fit the character, I know that I thought my dad's name was Dad up until I was about six. I think you have done a really good job of portraying Braxton in this, all the little flinches and showing his fear. Maybe you could add more of what Hermione is feeling into it?
I also like how you have added in the confusion over magical objects, letting us know that he was raised as a muggle and away from the Wizarding world. You might want to watch out for the repeating of words, for example 'interesting' appears twice quite close together. Other than that it was a very interesting chapter!
I am anxious to find out what happens next.
Gemma xx Report Review
I like the start of this, the length is just perfect and ending it where you did certainly keeps the reader interested :D I like the use of Draco's child; it isn't something that I have read before. I love the small snippet at the beginning also as it adds to show the Malfoys' position.
Very nice beginning, I can't wait to see how this continues :D
Gemma xx Report Review
Because I forgot to ask on my last review, How long are you thinking about making this story? I am utterly hooked :P
Great chapter here, I cried! :S.
Despite popular opinion that she won't die I believe she will, at around five to six months. But I think she will have told eeryoneby then abd be expecting it to happen and be not happy about it but similary not angry anymore. If that makes any sence.
QUESTIONS ('cos every question needs an answer)
82. Favourite girl is James, oh wait what? he's not a girl. Oh well then, Charlotte. I dunno why though. My least favourite is Karen. :P
19. Favourite boy is Nate :) You have got to love him :D though he isn't much of a boy, he's a man! My least favourite is her dad, (Merlin I sound like a parent hater! I am not I swear I love my mummy and daddy!)
325. Favourite couple would be Nate and Mar ... just joking. I don't really know, if it is couples that have alreadybeen initiated then Charlotte and Remus, if not then I am totally putting in my vote for Alice and Frank :P My least favourite is a toss up between her Father and Karen (I really did mean it when I said I don't hate parents it really is just them :P) and Becky and her ex boyfriend because he is a meanie!
I am not crazy, just have had very little sleep in the last couple of weeks :D I need coffee, or I would if I drank it. Oh and I feel that one two three are overused, D: poor other numbers, do they get a chance? No! just because they comelater in the number line D:
Gem xxAuthor's Response: At first this story was going to be around 80 chapters but that was when I was expecting the chapters to be around 2000 words long, now they're more like 7000 words and I've decided it's going to be around 50. It's taken me about six months to get all theese up (oh dearie me) but this story was a second priority one for most of that time and updates will be quicker after the holidays so it should take too long to get it finished *knocks on wood*
Your theory does indeed make sense, and you'll see. thank you very much for this reveiw + I understand that you are not crazy, I am also not crazy, *shifty eyes*
Much love, ac xxx Report Review
Ohh lovely chapter (Cried once more, you always seem to make me cry :P)
QUESTION TIME AWOO!
1. I think either Remus or James, because she seems to get along with them but they are not as emotionally connected with her as the others.
2. Hmm. I would say she will a) scream it a Sirius by accident or b) Tell Lily in one of their little heart to heart sessions.
3. I have a feeling it shall be Miss McKinnin.
I do hope that these questions will be answered soon :O I can't wait for the next chapter. I am completley adicted to this story :P
Gem xAuthor's Response: :) sorry about making you cry...
These questions will be answered soon... well at least one of them will be! (twice). Thank you so much :D Report Review
Hello, again :)
Lovely, chapter. It was a bit short but I liked it anyway, sort of like small, quick view of what they are doing. :P I think it also adds to the tension of the story and the over all effect.
Ohh, and here is where I was getting confused, this chapter should say, Chapter five rather than "CHAPTER SIX:"
And I know my reviewing is a bit wierd, and that I am going backwards but I reviewed the last chapter first so thelogic, in my mind, was to work backwards? Goodness I am crazy o.0 Report Review
I have never read a cross over before but was intrigued by this one. I will definatly be watching it, and am eager to see what happens next. Good job.
I love the charachterisation of Jasper so far, he is becoming most interesting, having always been my favourite of the Cullen family :)
Oh and the chapter number is wrong,
"CHAPTER SIX:" it should be seven :)
GemAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review, Vanity Fair!
I'm afraid Jasper is a bit OOC, but as you only ever saw him from Bella's eyes, I'm taking my own turn on his character ;)
Oh, and it says CHAPTER SIX because, essentially, it is -- Chapter 1 was the Prologue!
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Beautiful start,I can't wait to read more. I like the characterisationof Dominique, there is a little repetition concerning her apperance at the begining of the chapter and a few odd errors through out but other wise it is perfect! :D
I hope you update soon!
GemmaAuthor's Response: thanks, i'll try and fix the errors, much of this was written late at night to avoid studying so probably not very polished, i'll review it and fix it up.
thanks ;) Report Review
Nice strong start, I can't wait to see where this leads!
I don't see many Astoria stories though I think that they have a lot to offer :D!
I love the characterisation of Astoria, it portrayes her really well, a little flawed but utterly loveable. (Got to love flaws, we all have them :D)
Keep writing! I hope you update soon :D
Gem xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!!
I read a Draco/Astoria story a few weeks back, and I loved it. They're my new obsession 'ship. :]
Her flaws come out a bit more in later chapters, but she still is utterly lovable. Just ask Draco... ;] Report Review
Beautiful! The portrayal of Draco is perfect, just as I would imagine him to be like. I love the confusion of Hermione and that, though he had done so many things to her she can't help but feel for him.
Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read the sequal!
Gemma xxAuthor's Response: thanks so much! last week of ap's and ill be writing again! Report Review
Oh more mystery, I love it! I think the addition of his previous life, the contrast between Anastasie and Aurore is brilliant, it is like a metaphor for his life.
I saw a few grammatical and spelling errors in it, you may want to go back through it and double check:
The room still smells of Anastasie, and. I love her lingering scent.
This should be either :
The room still smells of Anastasie, I love her lingering scent.
The room still smells of Anastasie. I love her lingering scent.
I like the surprise of Dominique added in, her expectancy for something real from James being met with his feeble apology, definitely a nice touch.
I can not wait to read more.
GemmaAuthor's Response: Ooh. I actually was not thinking of that comparison when I wrote it. xD Yay for you, then! Thank you, though.
Thank you for pointing those out! I will for sure go over them. Spelling mistakes and the like drive me crazy so I will look over everything.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Wow really really strong start to this story! The opening line is so brash it is surprising but it definitely sets the tone for the rest of the chapter. I love the little detail you add in and the confusion in both characters about what is going on. I feel like I already have a feel for the character of Anastasie Lestrange from the little bits you have shown us through James.
I saw no grammar or spelling errors which is brilliant and I adore the writing style!
Keep it up, 10/10
Gemma Author's Response: Thank you so much. =] I am glad it didn't scare you off. When I first wrote it, I was a little bit worried about that. Aww. I am glad. I know there was not much detail but I like keeping Stasie a bit mysterious. xD She is kind of my baby and a lot of thought has gone into her so I do not want to throw it all out there at once.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Fantastic! I was worried that you would lose some of Kenna’s mannerisms here due to her being older and for it being a sequel. I don’t usually read sequels but it seems that you have definitely made a strong start!
I can’t wait to read more. I love that you have incorporated the old characters, Smith for example! I was really excited to see this up already; you certainly are a quick updater! Yey ;)
I also love the use of Oliver’s point of view, it gives the beginning a different tone from “Flavour of the Month” (Which was absolutely fantastic, be warned you shall be bombarded with reviews some time soon, I intend to review each chapter x3)
I didn’t see any grammatical errors or spelling errors which pleases me immensely! Definitely a favourite! Please please continue what you are doing, I hope to read more soon! :D
Gemma.Author's Response: Hahahaha, nope, Kenna's still Kenna. Unfortunately for Oliver. =]
Thanks so much! Everyone likes Smith and it just makes me laugh, because, well, he's Smith. I didn't create him so people would like him. But they do.Haha, yes, I tend to update quickly, but this story may go more slowly than FotM at first because I still have to get used to writing Oliver. Oh, geez. More reviews. I think you guys just may kill me. =]
Haha, thanks. I work very hard to make sure that everything's spelled correctly and whatnot, because badly formatted fics with no spellchecking are the bane of my existence.
I'm glad you've enjoyed it, and I hope you'll like the next chapter just as much! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Wren : Callie
Pheasant : Stephanie
Wildcat : Bobby
Ermine : Alexis
My thoughts on the patronus situation :) heh
Great chapter, I like the plot so far I can't wait to read more :) I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors (which always pleases me when I am reading)
I hope you update soon
GemAuthor's Response: 4/4! Congrats! You get Remus Lupin, i don't I'll be able to part with him though. *sobs*
I'm so glad you liked the chapter! Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
I love Lily and Jacob! They are so adorable! I hope you write more of them :D he-he. Great writing, I didn’t see any errors spelling or grammatical, so big thumbs up!
GemAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I love Jacob, mostly (we'll be getting married soon), and I'm glad you do as well. I'm also triple glad no errors were found. I fail at spelling and am the queen of typos. Report Review
Another amazing chapter as ever, I didn't see any spelling or gramatical errors so a big thumbs up :D!
I am looking forward to see how Remus will deal with this information, if he will tell the others, or make up with Mute, I really hope he does make up with Mute! If I was one fo the girls I doubt I could go through with the dare, I probibly wouldn't have even agreed to it in the first place :) lol
10/10 please update soon :)
Gemma Report Review
Ohh I love it! It is so sweet; Charlie was so brave though, I don't think I could ever just kiss someone like that. I love the little memory that you have added in at the beginning it definitely adds to it :D
GemmaAuthor's Response: Thanks a million! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Once again I have found this quite enthralling, I am hoping that you shall update soon as I am interested to see the development. There were no apparent errors that took my notice which thrills me deeply, there is nothing more that I hate than reading errors, I find it most distracting. Please keep it up; I am looking forward to more of your writing.
Gemma Report Review
I must admit I don't usually read about Narcissia however I am pleasantly surprised but this. I found it very refreshing and humorous at times, and the only error that I found was at the end with the use of the word “Come” instead of “Some”,
“We are sisters,” I said “come resemblance is to be expected.”
I find the general tone of the piece quite refreshing and I certainly will be reading more of this!
Gemma Report Review
Nooo! You can't end the chapter like that, I need to know what happens! This is killing me, I am one of theos people who buy a book and have read it in the first few hours of having it. I need more! I love the use of both POVs and I would totaly feel like James does if I was going through a similar thing x3. Please update soon!
10/10Author's Response: thank you for reviewing :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection