Reading Reviews From Member: HarrietHopkirk
  
419 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HarrietHopkirkClementine: Clementine

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is just beautiful! Really, really beautiful, and I really enjoyed reading it. Well done and thank you for writing it.

I love Fleur's thought process. She seems so confident in her looks and set in her ways. Her picking out the dress was a perfect moment to describe, and your language and word choice really suited the pleasant tone of the piece. Really very pretty and romantic and sweet and everything.

Before Half Blood Prince, I really only thought of Fleur as being stuck up and self centered, but suitably badass as she was the Beauxbatons champion. Obviously that changes with the whole 'I am good looking for the both of us, I think!' and she remains one of my fave characters. This fic humanizes her, and it's lovely to see how Bill swept her off her feet :) I loved his little foray in French! So cute!

A really beautiful one shot. Favoriting!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for dropping by to review! :) I'm slightly in awe of you, so to get this from you was just amazing :)

Gah, thank you so so much for that! I'm so happy you liked Fleur - she's one of those characters people always seem to write stereotypically, I think, because in the beginning she is fairly stereotypical: the pretty, clever girl who's haughty and stuck up and all... but I love showing her as a different kind of person, kinda more real. Gosh, the moments in this... I wrote at least 300 more words than the limit, haha, so it was really hard to cut it down, so I'm so glad you liked the ones eventually in it!

Thank you so so much for the review and the favourite - I honestly struggled so much with writing this response because I just didn't know what to say. At all. Thank you! :) :)

Aph xx


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Review #2, by HarrietHopkirkNocturne: Nocturne

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I can't stop reading Snily fics, even though I'm not sure I like the pairing. I understand that it justified Snape's actions, but he still wasn't a nice man. Still, I love this fic and this it gives a nice take on Snape and all his feels.

You have such a way with words, Celeste. Your sentence structure, your word choice, your description and characterization are all wonderful, and Snape is tricky. You made him seem more human in this, and I loved the flashback to Lily teaching him how to potion. Moving stuff.

The little touches about the art of potion making and the jibes against Harry make the fic more authentic. I also love the ending paragraph: He thinks then about the multitudes of lives he could have led had his life been formulated correctly. If heíd had a father who had not left. If heíd had a mother who had not died. If he had not grown up with a sense of shame and vulnerability that had made him hungry for all the wrong things. It's almost as if he believes his life has taken the path it has not because of his own choices, but because of other people and their faults and choices. He blames others for what his life has become. I can imagine he blamed Lily as well, at some point, for the state of his life because she did not love him back (the danger of the friend zone).

I loved this, though. Your writing style is excellent, as per.

Author's Response: Ugh Hattie, all your reviews have made me melt. I'm actually very glad you chose this one-shot to read -- I cringe a bit over 'orange groves' and I think this is a much better representation of non-15 year old me.

It's a bit of both with Snape. I think he goes around feeling very guilty and being cognizant that his actions essentially lead to Lily's death. However, he does recognize that his life wasn't exactly set up ideally. I don't think he blames other people as much as he acknowledges that they've failed him. But hey, don't we all get self-pitying and mopey at 3 am? :) Not sure about whether he'd blame Lily or not. It's an intriguing thing to think about. Of course, I'm still mad that he only cared about saving Lily and not her son or husband, so maybe there's a possibility that he'd be selfish enough to blame Lily.

Thanks for reading :)


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Review #3, by HarrietHopkirkThere Is a Light That Never Goes Out: even after all this time

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I've only ever read a couple of Snily fics, and I don't know why the number is so few. I'm not sure I like the ship - I understand that it justifies Snape's actions somewhat, but (for me at least) it doesn't excuse him from how he treated Neville or Harry or Lupin. I just don't think he was a nice person.

But this fic shows a different side to it: the extended metaphor of the sun and the Earth was well used, and I like the top quote. It explained Snape's thought process and his love for Lily. Your word choice and sentence structure were also really good.

Your description, too. I could really picture the two of them in that house, Lily frozen with fear and Snape giving her a way out. That moment was particularly moving. I always thought that Snape's love was particularly possessive, bordering on obsessive - but this showed a gentler side to it. A great mental picture, and that's a credit to your writing.

Really well done.

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Review #4, by HarrietHopkirkReminders : Reminders

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is amazing and wonderful and gorgeous! I really enjoyed reading this. I've never really thought about Lavender and Seamus as a couple, but this depiction of them is beautiful.

For something so short, you conveyed a lot of emotion and backstory. Your writing style is almost poetic, and your sentence structure and word choice is really good. The opening description of Lavender was really nice: She reminded him of what it was to be young; of an English summer spent in sun flooded cottages listening to the Quidditch, of the Muggle music she was so fond of. She reminded him of neon colored copies of Witch Weekly strewn on the floor, of mascara wands and pink lipstick. She reminded him of tentative kisses and the softness of her hand against his. Lavender reminded him of a setting sky, a myriad of colors, bleeding into one another with their beauty. The fact you used 'mascara wand' just made a more mundane thing seem more magical, or am I being stupid?!

It's moving that Lavender cannot dress in front of Seamus because of her scars - her whole attack and subsequent feels was handled really well. It was beautiful that Lav and Seamus found each other - I feel so hopeful and it's so romantic but not overly so and yayyy lovely writing!

Favoriting! A beautiful little story.

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Review #5, by HarrietHopkirkI am, I am, I am: I am, I am, I am

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Rose! Metaphors! Nice writing! My fave.

Despite the rather hopeful ending to this story, the tone is pretty moving and melancholy. The extended metaphor of the sea and the sky and land is executed really well and allows for some great imagery. Everything was so well written I could really picture it, which is a credit to you.

I would have loved to have more information on why Rose was feeling depressed, but in retrospect, it may not have added anything and would have probably been redundant. You write so concisely. You have fitted so much into 500 words and it works really well. I'm satisfied by the end of it. You portrayed her feelings so realistically and the use of the metaphor helped us understand exactly what she was going through.

The ending made me so happy, and so hopeful that Rose would get better and find a way onto a LITERAL island.

Fear and darkness are not always short lived. But one can do an awful lot of living in the moments in between.

For life is not measured in seconds, and minutes, and hours. Where would be the fun in that?


YAY OVERCOMING ADVERSITY I LOVE IT I LOVE THIS STORY WELL DONE HUZZAH!!! Favoriting.

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Review #6, by HarrietHopkirkAll Black and Full of Bones: All Black and Full of Bones

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is simply gorgeous! I really enjoyed reading this. You characterization of Luna and her fascination with the thestrals is wonderfully executed. You have a way with words, you really do.

First off, I want to talk about your characterization of Luna and how perfect it is. You captured her oddness, her slight straying from the norm, and even her desire to find out more about magic and magical creatures and knowledge. She is a Ravenclaw, after all. You captured the real essence of her. I loved the connection between the thestral and her mother and death and everything.

You summed it up very nicely here: She spent most of her Hogwarts life in the forest, frolicking with creatures most people in the castle could not see. Those inside the castle saw her quirks and her oddities and made little effort to see past them, just as all people saw when they looked at thestrals was ugliness and death. And so she saw the beauty in them, just as they saw the beauty in her.

Your descriptions are spot on too! I really, really enjoyed reading this and look forward to looking at some of your other stories as well as some others from event 3. Well done!

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Review #7, by HarrietHopkirkHe Visits Twice A Day: Twice A Day

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is stunning! Such an oddly beautiful and poetic piece. I really liked the narrative - so refreshing to see it done, but in some place it did get a little too Yoda-ish for me. Maybe it's a question of when is the limit, but then again that's a personal preference.

I thought it was so moving that Sirius came to visit the Potters' house and their graves (and the way you described them was beautiful). I was wondering at what point in canon did he do this? Before Azkaban? While he was on the run as Snuffles? Before his death? Either way, it doesn't matter, and the image of him visiting it is still really sad.

You manage to convey so much in only 500 words. Your sentence structure and word choice makes it flow seamlessly, and flow is so important in short pieces like this. You manage to fit in so much emotion through your imagery and description. Really well done.

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Review #8, by HarrietHopkirkAll the Beauty in the World: Danced Before His Eyes.

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Aaah, Snily. Never really known how I really feel about this pairing. Snape's love for Lily justified his actions re being a double agent etc. but I still don't think this justifies his actions towards Harry or Neville or Lupin. He wasn't a very nice man, and while his love for Lily was a major plot thing, it bordered on obsession.

But this is nice, this is different - it shows a much more innocent, younger side to his devotion to her. It's a very realistic depiction, and I enjoyed reading it. The flow and rhythm of the story worked really well too, almost poetic. The narration was beautifully executed.

Everything about this is very sophisticated, and I really liked reading it. The tone is nice, and I could really feel Snape's emotions through your choice of words. While it was short, it evoked so many emotions while reading and managed to fit in good characterization too. Really well done.

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Review #9, by HarrietHopkirkAll That Matters : All That Matters

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I'm really enjoying reading these 'Every Word Counts' entries, they really are so so good! This is written with a great, natural style - despite the length, you manage to achieve lots re characterization and description and emotion and backstory and everything. S'all good.

And you explain everything with such depth! Again, amazing for just 500 words. So good. Your sentence structure and word choice is enviable. Everything just works so well! I'm sorry - this is kinda turning into a rambling squee, but this fic is lovely :)

'Five foot eleven INCHES', maybe?!

You create such brilliant images with your words! Victoire herself, the beautiful meadow. She seems so down to earth but then also some sort of enigma to Teddy - but I suppose that's her Veela side peeping through.

This has such a lovely hopeful ending. Really nice. A really wonderful one shot. Well done.

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Review #10, by HarrietHopkirkorange groves: orange groves

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Celeste! You're ridiculous! Really! I know this has been up for ages and it's been so long since I read anything of yours, but you have such a way with words. I know your style has only improved since this, but it's still great.

Your imagery is beautifully executed and creates such a great picture that it can't help but stay with me. Here's an example: Their love was one of watching the sun fade to red dust, of watching the star strewn sky, of dancing in the street side curb, the streetlight draped across their arms, their mingling voices their music, of sitting in silence, because they were beyond mere words. Their love was of him, of her.

Despite the length, you managed to fit in a lot about Teddy and Molly's relationship, about her writing. It was very concise. There was no need to write any more, I was perfectly satisfied by the end, by the state of their imperfect/perfect summer relationship. The simplicity of the writing complimented the tone of the story, and it really worked.

I loved it! 10/10

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Review #11, by HarrietHopkirkLights Will Guide You Home: Fix You

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is so moving! I enjoyed your descriptions of Harry moving through the castle, before it ended on a rather hopeful tone. There's still a lot to deal with though - just because the war has ended does not mean there's nothing to face now. Yes, there's a certain sense of relief, but there's also grief and loss to deal with. That relief and eventual happiness comes at a heavy price.

The Harry/Ginny moment was really well-handled. You focused more on the grief and loss aspect of both the characters, and that became the main focus of the story. But still, it was nice to end on this comforting note, the two of them coming together. Very bittersweet, that they come together out of so much pain.

You were very concise and it worked really well. There was so much conveyed in so little words and it came across very nicely. The flow and rhythm was very good.

Overall, a lovely little one shot. Well done.

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Review #12, by HarrietHopkirk Nuances : the nuance of fear

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I really enjoyed this! Short, concise, straight to the point. People always seem to forget that Peter was a Marauder and a good friend, and I love reading fics about him. Despite his actions being completely horrible and cowardly, this fic made him seem more human. Your writing style is really good. I enjoyed reading Peter's emotion and action and thought, and it worked well with the rhythm and tone of the story. You addressed his fear and his regret really well.

His epiphany is handled well. His realization that death and pain isn't that bad, and maybe that his betrayal of James and Lily wasn't worth the absence of it. If anything, it just heightened the presence of more fear in his life under the control of Voldemort. His change of mind (?) was executed really well.

Overall, a great little oneshot. Well done.

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Review #13, by HarrietHopkirkVictory Marches: The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Your writing style is amazing as always. You have such a way with words and I can't really deal with it. This writing is so simple, so concise - I know that's the challenge, obv - but it works so well and you convey so much in just 500 words. Well done.

Her narration and emotions were portrayed really well, and there were a couple of really great moments and lines. The opening - 'those days, soot covered the sky' - was amazing, the reference to Greek mythology especially good.

The italicized words gave the piece a strangely fractured flow, which reflected Marlene's feelings and fears, I guess (emphasis on the guess). They contrast nicely with the other bits, which have nice flow and word choice.

Awesome awesome! I really enjoyed this - will have to read some more Marlene fics, preferably yours, obv!

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Review #14, by HarrietHopkirkTainted Hearts: Tainted Hearts

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I keep reading Dramiones even though I usually steer clear of them because they are usually very cliche - but I really enjoyed this! Well done!

You paint a very good mental picture with your words. Your imagery and description are spot on, and really add to the poetic feel of the story. I liked the dialogue too - realistic and believable and in character.

The emotion! The feels! They were wonderfully executed and really worked with the tone of the story. I do feel sorry for the two of them, and I am glad they spent this time together :) LOOK MY DRAMIONE FEELS ARE CHANGING SOMEONE HELP!

I'm really impressed with this. You were able to convey so much through so little words - which is the point of the challenge I know - but it really worked. I enjoyed it. Well done.

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Review #15, by HarrietHopkirkNot At All: She Wasn't Afraid

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I love, love, love this! I really enjoyed the ambiguity, how you didn't reveal their names until the very end. A mark of how much I enjoyed is that I don't usually read Dramione! Very good!

Your imagery and description were really well executed - you managed to communicate a lot despite your short word count, and a small amount of dialogue. Really well done.

The characterizations of the two were also spot on. The strength and bravery of Hermione was really good. I also really liked the repetition of Hermione not being afraid, it kept rhythm and maintained flow, and meant the tone of the piece remained chilling and unsettling.

Overall, very well done!

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Review #16, by HarrietHopkirkTask One Challenge: Abra Kadabra: mumbo jumbo

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I always feel like Cho gets a lot of bad press - yeah, she cried a lot when she was with Harry, made some decisions that you would make if you were in her situation, but HER BOYFRIEND WAS KILLED BY VOLDEMORT AND IT WAS REALLY SUCKY FOR HER SO JUST GIVE HER A BREAK! I really like Cho stories. And you managed to fit in the previous House Cup prompts so well.

It probably felt like an eternity, because adolescence feels an eternity squished into hours, but in strict time, as objective a temporal measure our understanding of time is, it couldnít have been a long time. They say love can happen in an instant, can take a lifetime to kindle, can come and go like wind over the course of relationships, but who knows? So so so so so so good! Aaahh!

I've always wanted to write a story about a wizard/witch and Muggle relationship, how some partners would react (I would be insanely jealous!). Michael seems pretty nice, tbh, but you also had Cho's characterization spot on: her bitterness post-Cedric and post-war was beautifully handled, probably a reason for why she married a Muggle.

Well done! I like very much.

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Review #17, by HarrietHopkirkyour enemy is sleeping: pomegranate gelato

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is beautiful! I really enjoyed reading this. It is so poetic and lovely and gaaahhh. I'm going to trawl through your author page now because I am consistently in awe of your writing, regardless of genre or characters or style. It just works.

And this is just gorgeous! I love Andromeda fics, but the ones I read usually explore her post-war experience, after she loses nearly everything. This is different, and although I was a little confused in places, I really enjoyed reading it. I loved the references to Greek mythology, the stars, the moths - Icarus? She never understood that these were not mosaics in the sky, that as high as she flew, she would not caress the bright tiles. She does not understand that she cannot touch them.

I had to read a couple of times to be certain. Andromeda, Lucius and Narcissa - Demeter, Hades and Persephone?! Help me out, here!

Anyway, even if I'm wrong, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done Gubz. ALSO LEONARD COHEN.

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Review #18, by HarrietHopkirkDevilish Delights, Wicked Ends: XII. Stratagem

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

STUFF IS GOING TO GO DOWN AND I AM EXCITED! Seriously though, I know I've said it before but I can't really comprehend the level of cool that your characters exist on. It's just unattainable to me.

That scene with Albus and Ophelia - it was nice to finally hear some details about New Year's Eve, to see whether it was an Albus power play or simply drunken lust and the emotions and actions behind it. BUT ALSO POWER DYNAMICS AND ALBUS BEING EEEVIL AND OPHELIA BEING COOL AND EDGY. Just superb dialogue, superb unravelling of backstory and past events... Just ughhh. Everyone's as kings questions and I don't trust the answers. THE TRUTH IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE.

My faves rn are Ophelia and Rose. I'd love to see a little more of Antigone and Scorpius, but I'm sure that'll happen as the story progresses and stuff goes down at the Valentine's party and Damian and/or Sybil carry out her plans. I'm so excited!

I love your characters, I love this story. Can't wait for the next update, Gubby. Truly.

Author's Response: Stuff is always just about to go down, so now we can bring on the stuff! And ugh, the crazy level of ... you call it cool, we've termed it 'glossy evil'... this story exists on... it's so insane. I don't know how I didn't burn myself out trying to do it. But it's done, so huzzah.

I'm trying to remember now whether Ophelia and Albus hooking up on NYE was in the original outline, and I don't think it was. It was a happy accident of plotting that gave the story a really great underlying tension, so that is partly why we didn't hear details about that night before. The other parts being that 1. Ophelia didn't want to relive them and 2. if all that /had/ been some Albus power play, that would have been all kinds of horrid. And Albus is many things, but he's not all kinds of horrid. It was an accident in every sense of the word, and accidents happen in a world of cool glossy evil, so it's great to add some emotional imbalance to the power dynamics and evil Albus and edgy Ophelia somehow. Like I said in an earlier response, that section was my favorite -- best written, some of my favorite character dynamics (though Damian and Sybil are also hiiighly important, so keep an eye on what they do too!).

Antigone and Scorpius, I know, are a little lacking. Scorpius was always going to be, because he is not a pillar character, but Antigone definitely we need to get to know better. And we will, starting with the Valentine's Ball, in fact. I've said this in responses before, but it took me longer to figure out who Antigone was because the plotting necessarily put her at a remove from the heart of the action at first. She really comes into her own in the second half of the story, which is fast approaching.

I love you, I love your reviews, I love your thoughts! The next update is never far away. Thank you so much, darling, truly.


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Review #19, by HarrietHopkirkDevilish Delights, Wicked Ends: XI. Madness

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hellooo Gubby! I am back, and sorry it has taken me so long to read these latest couple of chapters - but I'm on holiday atm so here I am! And as always, I am in awe of your writing. You really are talented, Gub-Gub.

I love the relationship and dynamics between Sybil and Ophelia. It's so interesting. Obv you've got Potter involved now, so things are way more complicated. I can't help but wonder if Sybil tries to be as ice queen and 'above it all' as Ophelia, but idk. I like them both, obv, and you write them both so well. (And Urquhart is the name of the BBC character that Frank Underwood from House of Cards is based on, so I can't help but draw a slightly Machiavellian comparison).

Also... Love/lust triangle? There's hints but I'm not certain. Probs wrong.

Your female characters are just fab - I love your characterization of Rose. She does what she wants and to hell with the consequences - the insight into her choice/choosing of boys/relationship with Thackeray was inspired. Her inner monologue is beautifully written, and it was great to see things from her perspective.

Just because he hadnít said he would replace her with Sybil Vaisey didnít mean she didnít know he would. And Rose would rather give herself up than give him the chance. I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS ONE PLAY OUT!

And Caspar! A new, darker side to Caspar! So is he only with her for the power?! That's a mad twist, yo. I enjoyed it. Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi Hattie!! So wonderful to see you back, and honestly -- wow, you are such a darling, this makes me so happy :)

Sybil and Ophelia are a very interesting pair. They've done what others in this story with a complicated backstory haven't been able to do: they were enemies when they were young, and now they're not. They've forgiven but neither has entirely forgotten, especially not now that Sybil is becoming a new kind of leader and now that Ophelia has long since turned a new leaf. I wonder what you mean by "if Sybil tries to be as ice queen and 'above it all' as Ophelia," though. What I'll say is that Ophelia is a big unconscious and conscious influence on Sybil, and what she was like as an ice queen may have taught Sybil how to try to be when dealing with similar situations. In their personalities, Sybil is of course more fiery than Ophelia. (I don't watch House of Cards and only picked Urquhart because it was a canon Slytherin surname that wasn't super Death Eater-y and it started with a vowel, which I thought was nice with Ophelia. The Machiavellian influence is an added, unintentional bonus).

Rose... well, she's a nutjob, and I love her for it. But yeah, she has her reasons for everything -- for being this way, and acting the way she does, and picking the people she does for the reasons she does -- so I'm glad I'm doing her some justice! Poor girl. One day I will write a normal Rose. Who doesn't scheme against her family and the rest of the world to get to what she wants. (Though really, what does she want?). And hehe I'm so glad you got to this Caspar part, since you liked him so much in the beginning. I wouldn't say he's with Sybil /only/ for the power but it's a giiiant driving factor. I didn't think it was a ~twist~ but I'll take it.

Thanks so much for a great review :D


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Review #20, by HarrietHopkirka slow shattering: the mirror thrown to the ground

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I have such a special place in my heart for Lavender stories - she got a pretty raw deal in the books, and I love stories like this about her, where she's depicted as totally realistic. Your writing style is also ridiculously good, so kudos to you.

I almost always forget that Lavender is attacked by Fenrir in the battle, because it's so brutal it's difficult to imagine. Additionally, J.K had portrayed her as such a girly girl that, although she was brave and a member of the Order of the Phoenix, this attack just contrasted horribly with her whole demeanour. Do you understand what I'm going on about? Sometimes I don't. But anyway, you've got that contrast between red blood and white sheets, and it totally works. It's really great.

Her narration style is realistic - the rhythm of it works so fast and rambling that it matches the pace of the battle surrounding her. And your thoughts would be that fast, trying to combat different spells but then also watch your friend be attacked. And poor, poor Parvati! So brutal. So vicious. Good lord. It's the same throughout though - the narration and the tone match the content and action in the story and it works super super well, so well done!

I can't even put into words how good this is, and I how much I appreciate your writing. You really make good use of repetition, dialogue, contrast, imagery, everything and it works spectacularly. So well well done!

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Review #21, by HarrietHopkirkFlung Salt: an absence

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

Again, your writing style is just lovely! I love how you incorporated the flashback, how Lavender would want her own funeral, and Parvati staying how it should be sad... BECAUSE IT IS I'M SAD THIS IS SAD!

But your mentions of other funerals, of all the funerals Parvati would go to, how she wears the same black dress - that bit was especially sad, I think. That would be just awful! And the description of her grief as being simply empty - spot on!

The only issue I have with this short story is the last section of this chapter: I'm not sure I find her random babble believable, but then again, it is your interpretation of her character. I enjoyed the introduction of Seamus though.

Other than that, I'm really happy - and a bit sad - that I read this and listened to patronus-charm's recommendation. This is a stellar read. Well done and thank you for writing it!

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Review #22, by HarrietHopkirkFlung Salt: a single gesture

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

I like this lots and lots and lots! Very much so! A whole bunch! I've explained why I like Parvati and Lavender stories so much, but this is something else! The calm of the forest compared to the battle is beautifully described, and how Parvati remembers memories and lessons despite going through a big shock seems realistic.

A lot of people chose thestrals for their House Cup Event 3 entry, and I understand why: the mystery of them, what they represent etc - but I love what you've done here, how you've described the scene and Parvati's actions and reactions. It's testament to your writing that the image of the forest and thestral still lingers.

She overcomes the shock of seeing what must have been a pretty scary creature by being nice to it, and feeding it an apple. I think that speaks volumes for Parvati and her character, when she must be feeling so lost after the death of her closest friend and so many others.

Overall, this is beautifully written and I really enjoyed reading it, despite the melancholy tone. On to the next chapter!

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Review #23, by HarrietHopkirkFlung Salt: sargasso sea

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

This is oddly moving. I really like reading realistic fic about the giggly girly girls, Lavender and Parvati. They often get a very raw deal, especially because they (especially Lavender) get in the way of people's special ships and such. We've got to remember that they went through the war too, and are people in their own right - and it's fics like these that do them justice.

You have a really nice writing style - the flow, the rhythm, the sentence structure and word choice all really works. Your characterizations are nice, too. I can't help but laugh at Dumbledore being there, but then the tone is flipped on itself as Parvati drowns and the tone becomes darker and colder: The water churns unto itself, and slimy tendrils snake around to grasp her ankles, hauling her under. A feast, she thinks, in a split second of absurdity, hadnít there been a feast? before the world turns squid-ink black and the sea rushes in to muffle her ears. I particularly like this bit.

I love the optimistic ending - I can't help but root for Parvati! Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and will move onto the next one!

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Review #24, by HarrietHopkirkAftermath: Blue Star

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

Blue! Blue blue blue! Blue metaphors! I love it! Lovely blue!

I'm always a little scared to use colour metaphors for fear of sounding flowery, but you have pulled it off spectacularly! I love the contrast between Victoire and Cara, the star and the sea, bright and beautiful. It's really well done.

You've described them differently, but also the same. They are both blue - a colour I automatically associate with Bill and Fleur, Tinworth, Shell Cottage etc - but different types of blue and how you portrayed them is beautiful. I can't help but compare to my own TedVic story, although everything in that is more violent and vicious (playing on werewolf and Veela blood and monsters etc.), I compared black and white. Nowhere near as good as this, though! I bow down to you!

AH YOUR CLOSING REMARKS I CANNOT TALK ABOUT BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY GOOD AND I CRY AND I WEEP! SERIOUSLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! SO SO GOOD!

Well done, well done, WELL DONE!

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Review #25, by HarrietHopkirkAftermath: One Year

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

I love how you repeat the same minute details, details that remind Teddy of Victoire: pancakes, the piano etc. and when you're grieving, you would dwell on the little things, which makes your depiction all the more realistic. They will stay with me too, after I finish reading. That's testament to your writing.

It's cute that the Wotters are binding together to cope with Victoire and everything that happened. It's also nice that Teddy is coming to the realization that his suffering will not change anything, that his discomfort is just an extra kind of pain, something that Victoire would not have wanted.

Itís been one year and I can still see you in this house. Itís been twelve months and I can still hear the memory of your voice. Itís been three hundred and sixty five days and I can still feel the ghost of your hand in mine. But now it is my time to start living again. You have such a way with words!

I can't help but cheer for Teddy - while obviously I'm sad for Victoire dying, Teddy moving on is very important and I say well done him. And well done to you too, for writing such a great story.

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