Loving it :) Keep it coming!Author's Response: Thank you so much Report Review
Well, the second chapter was a lot more detailed which I'm happy about :D But your grammar still needs work. Just go back and look through and read your story out loud to yourself and the errors will pop out to you. But other than that, loving it. Keep the chapters coming! Report Review
Hi there :) I'm liking what you have so far but I have a few suggestions for you.
Firstly, your grammar is lacking when it comes to your dialogue. When starting off a sentence with a bit of dialogue, you have to put a comma after the quote.
Ex: ("Thank merlin it worked" he sighed.)
("Thank Merlin, it worked," he sighed.)
So, basically just watch out for commas, and capitalizing words. Also, make sure not to overuse periods.
Ex: ("Apologies...Kate is it?") would flow better and look better to the reader if it were ("Apologies," he murmured before pausing to give her a look of distaste, "Kate is it?")
Plus, this way it provides more detail. Ah yes! Detail. That's another thing you're lacking. You want your readers to envision where your characters are. So show them! :)
But other than those things, I like what I see plot wise on this first chapter. I'm going to continue on to the second one now. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I have never done anything like this before so I'm always learning. Thank you so much for your advice I will try improve my grammar. I'm waiting for chapter 3 to be validated at the moment but now I'm going to cancel it and review a little more see if I can improve! Having it right is important to me as I want other people to enjoy it Report Review
your writing style is truly amazing. it kept me hanging every step of the way & i cannot wait to see if you've written anyother fics.
lovely, lovely oneshot. :)
10/10Author's Response: *grins* thanks so much for the lovely words :D Report Review
Ooooh this one-shot was delicious & your writing is superb.
I'd love it if you made this a two-shot but I doubt you will :/
Either way, it was lovely.
10/10.Author's Response: Probably not... but I never say no... I'm prone to random bursts of inspiration :P Report Review
Do you KNOW how many times you've had me at the edge of tears during these seven chapters?!
You better update soon. Or else, I will go insane. :)
10/10. Don't keep us waiting too long. ;) Report Review
ugh NO. :'(
he's innocent. why does he have to be so STUBBORN.
amazing as usual :D please update soon.Author's Response: Draco is stubborn! He seems to have some feelings for Hermione:) Thanks, and thanks for the awesome review! Report Review
Hahaha, really quite funny. :)
But, I must say again, proper grammar would have really fixed the flow in this one-shot and would've made the punchline of the story 3x funnier. :/Author's Response: Thank you thats what i was going for =)
I know and i'm gonna try and work on that for future stories
Thank you for reading and reviewing =) Report Review
Well, this was definitely...interesting.
Though it doesn't read very smoothly. I think it would flow better if you worked on your grammar. For example, you have many words that aren't supposed to be capitalized, you're missing periods and commas in certain areas, and there are a few misspellings. I'm sure all of this can be fixed with a suitable beta.
Keep working! :)Author's Response: Yeah i know grammar is something i have a little bit of trouble with when i'm typing fast lol
Thanks for reading and reviewing =)... Report Review
Awww, wow, Hermione. Bad choice. smh.
Amazing updates. :) Please update soon :DAuthor's Response: I know right. I really didn't like writing her making such a horrid choice, but for the sake of the story it had to happen. Thank you so much for reviewing! :) Report Review
Aw poor Hermione. :/
Great chapter. Please update soon.Author's Response: Thank you for the review, the updates will be up very soon! :) Report Review
Hi! JohnnyPickAlot from the forums.
Firstly, I would like to say how beautiful this one-shot is. You wrote it superbly and your characterization of Luna was right on. I really felt for Dean to have to go through Luna's everchanging ways but felt that he was lucky to have someone so straightup and blunt as her.
I really liked the plot and overall, 10/10. Well done. :D
One little spelling error, in the beginning you spelt Ollivander without the 'd'. :]
Other than that, great. :DAuthor's Response: thank you so much! i'm really glad that you liked this. also, thanks for pointing out that error. i'll fixt hat up right away. thanks again for taking your time to review this. i really really appreciate it!!
(: Report Review
This chapter was pretty amusing, though your grammar's wrong in your punch line from Severa.
It should be: "Lucius Malfoy, you are a fucking bastard."
I found a few more grammatical errors, but that could probably be fixed by a beta.
Other than that, pretty good, next chapter.Author's Response: Yeah, well, sometimes my brain thinks faster than my fingers can type! :) Yeah, I'll go back and fix my errors once I get some time, or when my two new stories get validated, whichever comes first, I guess! :) I'm glad you like the story so far, and thanks for reviewing! :) ~JH Report Review
Another interesting chapter.
I kind of laughed at the end of this one because I could picture Snape taking a cooking class of some sort with a little apron on with little red roosters all of the the place. :D
Makes me happy. >.<
Well, the only thing I would suggest about this chapter is more description between dialogue. :]
*nextchapter*Author's Response: I'll be sure to do that next time! Yeah, I can too!!! It's just something you can imagine, you know? :) Glad you like it so far! Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Well, this chapter was...interesting? Personally, I think the DeathEaters would be the ones who were the most unruly and curse alot. But I could never see Voldemort cursing like that. It's just...out of character to me because he's such a scary, dark creature that all he would really need to do to get his point across is to glare, glower, growl and say "Now" and he gets the whole world delivered on a silver platter because he nearly made everyone in the room crap their pants. You know what I mean?
I mean, yes, he's an angry person as well, but I doubt that he'd be cussing up a storm like that.
And I don't really understand the second part of the chapter with Severus and Severa. It just seems like you were rushing to end the chapter.
But yeah, quite interesting.
*next chapter*Author's Response: Yeah... Thanks for reviewing me! :) Report Review
I suppose I was a little put off at your characterization of Minerva, seeing as she's quite the stern lady, not very playful, but really kind in her own.
But other than that, I suppose I should be expecting a relationship between Snape and Severa. How very interesting. I can see it. Snape would go for someone like her, seeing as they're on the same level. ;)
*next chapter*Author's Response: Yes, Minerva is *very* out of character compared to cannon. I made her character like that for a reason... you'll see in chapters to come. :) And, no, you *shouldn't* be expecting their relationship. Although I would very much agree, they ARE on the same level, I actually have something else in mind. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
I didn't really expect her to become a deatheater but it is a very interesting twist. I suppose that is a very sad thing for her to do. Kill the person who basically gave her the little push to become the woman she is today.
*nextchapter*Author's Response: I agree. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Hey, JohnnyPickAlot from the forums. Sorry that it's taken me three months to finally review. -___- Anyway.
This one-shot made me extremely uncomfortable. The violence, the loneliness and the hate was just so wrong! And you wrote it beautifully! It was everything that could've gone wrong, went wrong and it very nearly made me cry.
Harry's not supposed to suffer at Hogwarts, he's supposed to have the time of his life and be the hero. Not the villain.
This fic really gave me a different perspective of things.
Very well done.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
A very good start. I'm extremely intrigued.
Please update soon. :) This story has alot of potential and I'm excited :D Report Review
What an interesting start. hmm...
*next chapter*Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Hope you like the next chapter! :) Report Review
I can honestly say that I really like where this story is going. You've got me very intrigued and the development of Draco & Hermione's relationship is going quite smoothly. Not too fast, and not too slow.
I also think the way you write is superb, especially the bits where she sees Ron & Harry in her imagination. You make it much more powerful and sorrowful that she can't be with her friends and her constant worry for their safety.
Overall, 10/10. Please, don't keep us waiting too long for another update. ;)Author's Response: Hi,
Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you're liking the pacing of the relationship, I really wanted to show something at least slightly natural considering the actual nature of their relationship.
The next update should be up as soon as it is validated, so hopefully *fingers crossed* not too long. :) Report Review
So intense & what a horrible cliffhanger.
Pleease update soon. I want to see the trial! :DAuthor's Response: I know! I'm sorry! the trial is coming very soon;)
I'll post as soon as i'm finished! Report Review
Oh wow...what a way to leave us hanging.
Please write a sequel. :]
FANTASTIC STORY :D Report Review
Draco's completely hopeless x]
I can't wait for your next update. Brilliant as usual.Author's Response: haha, oh yea, draco is terrible lol.
thanks for reviewing, and i shall post again as soon as i can :)
-WP Report Review
I must admit, this chapter is very odd and seems like it was rushed out. And I don't think that Hermione would stop having contact with her own daughter.
But maybe the reason is deeper. If it was just over petty arguments, I'll be a bit disappointed.
But good chapter.
*next chapter* Report Review
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