Nicely written as always :) It was a well crafted transition from the her darkest days to moving forward again. Sometimes it takes a good wake up call to remember that life continus and Jacks health gave her this.
As always, your writing was beautiful and delved deep into Hermione's troubled soul. I could really feel for her, the grief, the guilt, the overwhelming emotions. Well done.Author's Response: Jacqui! Thank you so much for stopping by! You make me smile. I'm sorry you have a cold right now but am happy because it means you have time for my story and your writing! Yippee!! Report Review
Hehe, this is really hilarous and so clever. You certainly made a little mentioned character into someone with a huge personality. I liked his internal monologue and how much he looked down on the Weasleys as of inferior intellects, especially because you know the Weasley's are looking back at the ghoul and thinking the same thing.
Its a well crafted story and seems quite a plausable way of getting the ghoul to impersonate Ron. I think he could win that Oscar. Anyway, brilliant story. I was looking for a laugh and this story delivered.Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad that you found it funny as that was my aim! Yes the ghoul was rather forgotten in the books, so here's his chance to get more of the limelight, and I think he liked his time in it. I'm glad that you liked the mirror thoughts, as you're the first person to actually pick up on it, and I thought it would be cool to do!
Yay he can get his oscar! Thank you for leaving such a great review :D Report Review
Wow, that was absolutely breath taking from the very first paragraph. So much imagry, so much passion and emotion. Its an amazing piece of writing.
I feel Hermione's despair. I imagine those first few years after the war were so tough on everyone as they wrangled with their emotional scars. Hermione's grief and longing seem so real, as well as her will to stay. It's like she can't quite let go of who Ron used to be.
I love how you described diamonds, I'm not much of a fan of daimonds either. Emerals are so much better :)
I didn't read who the pairing was in this story, the summary completely drew me in. I could see it being Harry (green to match his eyes) or Draco (green for slytherin). Either way, it's beautiful and I feel I can pick which either way I wish it to go.
My only minor point would be to put punctuation in her thoughts at the end as it runs together and is a little hard to read. Other than that, spelling and grammar are really good.
Well done. This is a beautiful piece of writing. Report Review
Hello, I'm here for the review tag.
I found this piece quite sad. Its a nice reflection on loving someone who is lost and will never be there for you any more and how much losing them changes you and your own perspectives on love, life and lose.
The pain that the characters were suffering through swelled with the tone of voice and sentence structure you used, adding emphasis to their emotions. Be careful though not to make your sentences too long as the meaning starts to get lost. There was a very long one when Remus was thinking about Sirius.
Nice, story, but very sad. Its a shame to think that Tonks loved Remus so much but he didn't love her the same way back, and while she was with him in person, he wasn't really there at all.Author's Response: Hello taggy-person.
I think you might be the only person to call this 'nice' - it's pretty messed up, really - but I know what you mean. Thank you. I wasn't intending to get all philosophical with this fic, but it seems to have happened anyway.
That giant sentence about Sirius was intentional, as I found that splitting it up into shorter, more palatable sentences didn't really create the rhythm that I wanted to. However, I do generally try to limit the huge sentences, because I think I'm the only person who likes them. It's a shame, really, but what can you do? :P
It's sadder in canon, I think. He just seems to outright hate her, especially in DH. My Remus is messed up but he's not *that* messed up.
Once again, thank you for reviewing. :) Report Review
Wow. Utterly breathtaking. Draco's heart break was so wonderfully depicted I could just about feel my heart breaking with him. I loved how your took us through their romance and their path to divorce, it showed how happy they had been, but how easily things can go awry.
I love your use of language and imagery and the whole story flowed seamlessly. I wonderful first chapter :)Author's Response: Ravenclaw Princess,
What a wonderful review. Thank you so very much.
I wanted to show that they were happy without spelling out how the got together. It was keeping the relationship going that was difficult.
And in real life, 'happily ever after' is a bit unrealistic as relationships can be tough, but as depicted in this story, the storms people weather can actually bring couples closer together and grow stonger. It can happen.
On imagery... thank you so very much for this comment. I was at an outdoor party once and the people held it in an 'outdoor living space' of a grand gazebo. It was gorgeous and so I thought it would be a wonderful gift for Hermione and most certainly something that he could afford. ;)
Oh and that picture he gave the judge... I wanted it to almost tell the story... her gazebo, the path to his mother's grave, and them finally holding hands.
So thank you so much for that comment. It really warms my writer's heart.
You give me wonderful compliments.
Dark Whisper Report Review
Aww, this is so completely adorable. I loved it from the first sentence. It was so cool seeing Luna through Rolf's eyes. He didn't see her as peculiar like every one else, but her saw her as Luna, a beautiful, innocent girl who was so easy for him to love.
I love that Rolf tried, unsuccessfully I might add to quantify his love and try to explain it. But love just is, sometimes there is no way to explain it and he seemed to know this.
Luna was really well characterised. I loved the little moments when she was chasing the boys, and when she was in the lake. Can I just add...super adorably cute *squee*
The ending, especially the last line, was amazing. It really summed up their love and relationship. Love just happened for them, they just fell inexplicably in love :)
Awesome story. You are such a talented writer and I love the imagery and use of metaphor that you always weave in. It makes every story so enjoyable to read.Author's Response: Thank you! I took on Rolf's POV because Luna seems too unique to try to even attempt to share headspace with :)
Yay for loving Rolf and Luna! I had SO much fun writing the little scenes between Luna, Rolf and the boys so I shall join you in Squeeing!
I'm so glad you loved it! I definitely went for making this just plain fluffy beautiful love-stuff and it makes me happy to hear that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Good on Draco. I loved it when he stormed up to Hermione and told her what he thought. There comes a time when you need to come out with the cold hard truth, how ever painful it might be. I'm so glad that Draco was there to snap some sense back into Hermione. I'm also so happy he wants to help her.
It's interesting seeing Draco living without magic. I think it will do him good, to be at the very bottom and have to work himself back up. He's living life the hard way, so hopefully he stops taking things for granted. After what he's been through though, I'm pretty sure he wakes up everyday thankful to be alive.
Good job. I really love this story. The characterisations are so powerful and their emotions so deep. You are such a beautiful writer. I cant wait for the next chapter xAuthor's Response: Hi, Jacqui! I thought Draco would be an appropriate person to shake her up (and not just because this is a Dramione). Yes, there's a reason for the lessened use in magic and we'll see that at some point in the doing chapters!
Thank you for loving this and I'm very happy that the people are coming along nicely. Report Review
You do action packed so well. I was totally enthralled the whole way through. I thought they had him there, but no. He had to get away.
Vic has grown so much from the start of this story. Naturally, she's still terrified, but she is fighting back and using some good common sense to help her survive.
Good job. I can't wait for the next chapter. Report Review
This was such an emotional story, I loved it :) I was completely captivated from the first paragraph and couldn't tear my eyes away.
Ginny's emotion seemed so raw and so real. You could see her struggling through her grief and losing the battle against her tears. She was a mess, trying to cope with every passing day but not knowing when the tears would come, only that they would.
There was some very lovely metaphor, especially about the bone and I liked how you came back to it at the end. It tied the story together nicely. The language and description was very poetic and it just all worked together so well.
I loved it :)Author's Response: I'm very glad you enjoyed this! Because this was one of the first pieces that really meant something to me and reflected a feeling I was unsure if I could recreate properly. But it seems as though I really get that raw emotion, which was my whole intention. I wanted the pain that follows loss, even months later, to reflect here.
I also like how you word brought up 'not knowing when the tears would come, only that they would.' Because that is a really true setiment to this, in life. Really a great line!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed this!
I was drawn to this story because it didn't contain dialogue. You don't come across them very often and I was curious.
I really loved it. For such a short piece, you can really fell Lucy's self pity. She hates everything about her life, yet she doesn't possess the courage to change it. You see her in the now, but there is mystery surrounding how she got to that point, all you see is her misery, but not the spiral into it.
There were a few typos, but the story flowed pretty well. I really enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you for the review :D
I know. I am thinking about how to put in her backstory more. But I'm glad you can feel her emotion.
Thanks again! Report Review
Well done on a really good final chapter. I like how you put in a few twists so Hugo's fate wasn't known until the end, although I did believe that he would live.
You've done a really good job on this story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I love the characterisations and the relationship that developed between Ly and Hugo. It was also really well written. Great work.Author's Response: Hugo living was a last minute decision. I planned from the very beginning to have Hugo die, but in the end I just couldn't do that to Ly. I'm just a sucker for a happy ending. Plus I need Hugo for my sequels and ghost Hugo just wasn't right.
Thank you so much for reviewing this story. I've loved reading each new one you send! :D
Sam. Report Review
Ooooh, that was very dramatic. Good job on this chapter, it was full of action and drama. I like how it ended, because you can only assumed Hugo's fate...there is still a chance for him. It was quite emotionally charged as well, what with Hugo going to Harry, and then Ly and Hugo at the end. The strength of feeling between Hugo and Ly really came through. Well done.Author's Response: Drama I feel I can do, angsty, crying drama. But action? big no, I think. So thank you. Ah, Hugo's fate... It seemed a good idea to let you guess. I couldn't say whether or not he died because I didn't know myself.
Thank you. Report Review
Good job on this chapter. I was expecting the action to happen when they were out on the town, and just when I thought they were safe, Ly went and got himself captured :) Hugo is probably going to try and play the big hero now. Awesome job. I can tell this is building up to a very exciting conclusion.Author's Response: I think I chose to have it happen the next day when they were supposed to be safe because it was expected to be while they were out. Predictable is no fun. LOL.
Thank you for the review. Report Review
This isn't going to end well, I can tell. It's a shame Hugo is just so irresistibly charming. Poor Ly never stood a chance against him.
I liked the little revelations about Ly's crush and Hugo's insecurities that he was never noticed, unlike his cousins. It gives depth to their characters.
Great job on this chapter. I'm looking forward to seeing where this is heading because I'm sure trouble is brewing.Author's Response: Yeah. Bad Hugo for being so loveable. :P
Yes, trouble is coming. :(
Thank you for reviewing. :) Report Review
Aww, this was such a heart wrenching chapter. There were a lot of plot revelations too which kept things interesting and moving. It must have been so awkward when Harry walked in.not to mention embarrassing.
It was really sad when Lysander said goodbye. It would have been such a shock and betrayal to find out that Hugo was one of the 'enemy'. It was very sweet though when he came back at the end. It showed the depth of the love the two share.
There were a few spelling and grammar issues but nothing major. The story flowed well and I love the emotion that was put into the dialogue. Good job.Author's Response: Definitely awkward and embarrassing. Hehe. Loved writing it, though. :P
You just can't say no to Hugo. Leaving is not an option for them, because they love each other too much. Must must stay together forever! ;)
I'll get to the errors soon.
Thank you. :) Report Review
This is a sweet and meaningful story. I really felt Luna's loneliness. She was wonderfully characterised and I love how you brought in the 'imaginary' creatures and also her fathers influence on Luna's perceptions. I think this is a true perception of what it would have been like for Luna before she met Harry; she did seem quite alone before they met, with everyone avoid her and her eccentricities.
The song/poem was really nicely used with this fic and accompanied it rather than stop the flow. The whole story was well put together. Grammar was also really good.
I just want to go and give Luna a big hug now. Well done. I really enjoyed your story.Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, I'm really proud of it and so it makes me really happy to see that someone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Report Review
This story is so intense and masterfully written. There is so much personification and imagery throughout the whole story that you really feel like you are there. Azkaban comes alive in a very dark and depressing way, and by setting such an atmosphere, it makes it so easy to believe the fear and the despair of the character.
The dementer was so creepy, but so wonderfully constructed with your words. I love hoe you described the kiss and I was slightly terrified to continue reading. It was also interesting to note that you're writting style changed after the kiss, with more repetition of words and phrases. It was like you were reading it with the lost mind of the character.
I like how the character remains anonymous. While I also really wanted to know who it was, it really just showed that once in Azkaban, you are kind of forgotten. You become just a body in a cell.
The only tip I have is that in the first paragraph a lot of the sentences end with two descriptors such as pale, thin hands. While I love the description, I thought the sentence structure just needed to be changed up a bit so it didn't become too repetitive.
Absolutely amazing story though. It was such a powerful and enjoyable read.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Azkaban has always intrigued me, and it was really interesting to imagine being inside of it because you never really get an inmate's perspective. The closest someone came to describing it was Sirius and even then, it didn't completely tell the tale.
Slightly terrified? Not sure if I should be grateful or apologetic. :) After the Kiss, I figured she would kind of be an empty shell and I should write it accordingly, as I'd already wrote the story third person but still inside her head. I'm glad you noticed!
Oh, yeah. That's totally what I meant by keeping her anonymous. I mean, it's not like I couldn't think of a name or anything. That would be dumb. *cough*
I just checked on it and you're correct. I'll change it soon, thank you so much for pointing it out to me! I love constructive criticism, it's so... constructive. *dance*
Thanks so so much for the review! :D Report Review
This is a really nice little song fic. You captured their pain really well and I liked how they all came together to heal. There were some really nice dialogue at the end too.
The interaction between Ginny and Harry was really nice. I liked Ginny's vulnerability and the way Harry was so comforting to her.
There were a few minor typo's, like 'there' instead of 'their', but generally spelling and grammar were quite good. Well done. It was an enjoyable little read.Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks! This was a fun one to write. I like dark emotions, and this one takes them in sort of a different way. But I'm glad you like it! And I haven't revently gone through to edit this one, so maybe I should get to editing it.Well, thanks for reading and reviewing!
~Grimmerz Report Review
I really liked the deep thoughts that Brienne had in this chapter, especially concerning the dementors. It explains her first experience with them nicely and explains how things have changed to make her react differently.
The relationships with her friends are good and you can see the concern they all share for her. While Brienne is slow to let them in, once she has, she welcomes their support. There isn't much happening with george at the moment though and their seems to be more mention of Fred's reactions, like when he smirked when she said she was going to talk to Lupin. Maybe there is a reason, but it isn't coming through.
I found this chapter a little bit choppy due to the short abrupt sections rather than a smooth transition between them. I also found Professor McGonagall a little out of character; the things she was saying about who Brienne was friends with seemed a little strange. Maybe there's something behind it.I'll just have to keep reading on.Author's Response: :) Hi! A lot of people say my McGonagall is a little off, but I honestly don't know what I can do to change it xD I actually didn't notice the lack of George, I'll have a look at that, thank you for pointing it out :) And thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Sir Cadogen is amazing. His lines were so amusing :)
Well done on the quidditch sequence. It was a very nice perspective from someone sitting in the stands yet you still understand what was happening in the match. The whole sequence fitted in so well with canon also, it really feels like this story is in parallel with the books.
I like how the dementors affected Brienne. I remember commenting in chapter 1 I think when she first saw them that I thought she should have been affected more than she was because of the what she was going through. It was nice to see it all put down in this chapter.
As for the mechanic's of writing, it's all pretty flowing pretty well. There's lovely description and flow and it's a joy to read.Author's Response: :) Aw, thank you so much! It makes me feel so good to know that you like it. And I'm glad I satisfied you with the whole Dementor thing! It's all discussed a lot more in the next chapter! Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
YAY!!! She's gone. I love the last sentence of the chapter and I'm really happy that Scorpius is glad she's gone too. He's really growing in this story.
Rose is so confused, I don't think she knows what she really wants. She seems so afraid to let someone love her, and she also seems afraid to love someone back. I love how much her moods swing so easily from fired up to vulnerable. There is a lot in her character. She also has some really feisty dialogue :)
Scorpius was awesome when he jumped into save Rose and then worked his magic on Frank. He's come a long way from being a teacher at Hogwarts. Now that both 'other halves' our out of the way, it's going to be interesting to see what happens between Rose and Scorpius. Report Review
Lily is a right piece of work...Scorpius finally seems to be seeing this though. She is so manipulative and so selfish and I was hoping the Scorpius would get up the strength to say no to her. I was so happy when he did.
Lily is so scathing of her family, ans she thinks so high and mighty of herself. I relaly hope she gets brought down to earth in a really dramatic fashion.
All the interactions were brilliant. It was a quite an emotional time with lots of confrontation between Rose and everyone, and Frank and Lily and Rose, but through all of it, it helped Scorpius to really see Lily and Rose in a new light.
Great chapter, it was so enjoyable. Report Review
This was nicely segued in with canon. I really liked it. We know from the books what was happening at the front so it was cool to see your take on what it was like for other students. I thought they settled in quite quickly though in the great hall. I was expecting a little more frantic whispering when the teachers backs were turned as the whole event elicited a lot of excitement.
I love George's comment to Brienne about if she was warm enough.so cute and definitely well placed. He's not one to miss and opportunity :)
Lovely chapter once again. I also liked how you brought back the tarot cards, its a great way to re-emphasise the important elements of the plot :)Author's Response: :) Hi! Thank you for your tip! I'll try and work in a little more excitement in there xD Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
This chapter is really good. It's well written, well thought out, with excellent characterisations and an intriguing plot. There is a little mystery woven into the end which is good for hooking the readers in.
Draco and Hermione were both very well done. You captured Draco's cocky nature and Hermione's studious habits. It would be very much like her to stay up late at the library. I found McGonagall a little mysterious and I am curious to know how she so quickly found out about Draco being blinded.
Your written is beautiful, with lots of description and internal monologue. I don't think I noticed any spelling or grammar issues either. The one thing I did note was this sentence "Dragging his evil but well-toned arse up to the hospital wing". It made me stop because it doens't really fit with Hermione's character this early in the piece and seemed a little crass. I can see her saying it to him in anger, but too me it didn't flow in well with how the chapter as a whole was described.
Over all though, you have the makings of a great story. It looks very interesting and is very well written.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your read and review! I'm very glad that you like my characterizations of Hermione and Draco. This was my first fan fic and when I wrote this chapter--gosh almost six years ago--I was just starting out. So I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I do agree with you that the line is extremely out of place. I don't know what my high school self was thinking really. I mostly keep in there now because its a reminder of how far I've come as a writer (as I like to hope anyways) and also because I have yet to have a solid chance to revise.
Hope you get a chance to continue with it! I promise it gets better!! Thanks again. Report Review
Congratulations on a brilliant prologue. I really enjoyed it and I was pretty hooked into the story you were creating. The plot is very interesting and you've set it up very well by giving a bit of the history and a bit of the present. You've explained a little but there are so many unanswered questions.
I loved the characterisation of Hermione. You can see her pain runs very deep an I can't wait to see why. I don't think she cares about Ron very much, just by her comments about how he is the job she wants. I have this feeling he is taking advantage of Hermione.
Rose was very sweet and the dialogue and her actions were all age appropriate for her.
The story itself was written very well and there was lovely flow and pacing. The first paragraph was a little long, and I recommend breaking it into two, but otherwise there was no issues. There was also lots of lovely description. Well done, this is an awesome chapter :)Author's Response: Aw thank you! This is the best review I've ever had; I feel honoured xD
I am quite proud of this prologue; its the first chapter of a fanfiction that I ever submitted! So it has sentimental value...
Yes, I'll see if there's a way I can edit that first paragraph: other reviewers have said the same.
Thanks dear! x Report Review
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