Reading Reviews From Member: ravenclaw_princess
670 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

25th August 2015:
Wow...everything was going along all nice and fluffy like and change of pace. My head is still reeling from it all...not quite comprehending.must go back and re-read.

Ok, the shock has passed and I'm a bit more coherent ahem

Hi, here for a BvB review :)

The start had me thinking I'd missed a very crucial moment, as in, Scoprius and Rose getting together. I have even gone back just to make sure I hadn't forgotten about it in break I've had between chapters. I can understand not wanting to dwell on those first dates, but as a reader, things suddenly felt disjointed, like there was a chapter missing or something. Even just a small snippet of info here about what happened since the auror office to this moment would help to transition between the chapters. I also do hope to hear about how they got together sometime in the future, pretty pretty please :)

That aside, I did love the chemistry of them together. They don't really know what is happening between them, only that it is so natural and overwhelming that all they can think about is each other. I like how it was 'announced' to their friends, but they all knew it was inevitable anyway.

So, pajama's really need to be made with a wand sleeve :P

The introduction of Stannous was completely shocking and I never saw it coming. I mean, in her house, of all places. The whole scene was well written, it had a frantic pacing which matched in with the pace of the action. It was also quite crazy which went in with Rose's mind.

Stannous is one dark character. I can't wait to see where you take him. It was nice to get some back story here into what happened to Rose.

I really felt for Rose. She was so happy at the start of the chapter, then in an instant, all that fear and anxiety returned to her. He paralyses her, which is why all she can say is 'No', as her mind shuts down in fear. I think you've done a great job at bring all off Rose's emotional trauma right back up to the surface.

Awesome job on this chapter.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much for picking this story for BvB! I'm so glad you're really into the characters.

You're not the first reviewer to comment on the sort of 'skip over' Rose and Scorpius's initial dates. I'll probably go back and take a look at that, but I wanted to explain a little of the reason why I did it. I really wanted everything to "seem" like it was going great for the pair. The first dates and really starting to fall for each other and all the romance and such. But Rose isn't being completely honest with Scorpius, here. She hasn't told him the truth about her torture and I kind of wanted to show that in order for them to move forward, he needs to know about her past.

Enter Stannous. (mwah, mwah, mwah!!)

Thanks so much for your comments about the scene! Writing action and fast paced wizard fights is a challenge, and I'm never sure if I get it right, so I really appreciate your vote of confidence.

Thanks again! I can't wait to find out what you think about the other chapters.

♥ Beth

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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

24th August 2015:
Hi. Here for BvB

This was a short little chapter but a very sweet one. I liked the insight into the relationship between Harry and Rose. They sure are a close knit family. But more than that, they're also friends.

I love how Rose commanded Al to come back so she could heal him. You could show both her strong, no nonsense attitude as well as her very caring nature. She's also quite observant, nothing slips under her radar.

Everyone knows that Scorp and Rose like each other. They know it too. They rely on their friendship so much though that I imagine both of them are slightly fearful that if it doesn't work out, they will lose what the currently have.

Author's Response: Oh! Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you came back to this story. This chapter was a bit of reprieve from all the craziness that's been going on.

Haha - yes! Scorp and Rose's feelings for each other are obvious to everyone - they need to get over themselves already!

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #3, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

11th August 2015:
Hey. Here for the BvB

Its been a while, but I'm back to continue reading your story which I was really enjoying. I love your writing style, it's very fluid and seamless making it very easy to read. The details and history of, in this case, the auror training programme, fit well into the overall narrative, so it doesn't make you feel like you're suddenly be given a history lesson. The details were enough to create a rich atmosphere to the world in which Al and Scorpius now belong.

I especially love S.N.A.K.E.S...very clever :)

The emotional turmoil of Al was well showcased here. It is hard to follow in the footsteps of your father, especially one as accomplished as Harry. His behaviour is a little juvenile, but is has probably been an issue that Al has always had to deal with growing up and manifests itself as it always had. He was quite hot tempered, that's for sure, showing that he bottles up a lot f his emotions.

I liked how Scoprius defused the situation. It was really clever. He's good at reading people and also quite crafty to come up with such an ingenious solution.

Great chapter. I look forward to reading more (and also seeing what 'very important thing' Scorpius makes up...I'm not quite sure that he's going to be able to tell Rose the truth just yet.)

Author's Response: Hiya!

Thank you so much for coming back to my story. I'm so happy you like it! And I'm so excited about this review because you really seem to pick up on all the little points I was trying to make with this chapter.

For example, you've got Albus down to a tee - he *is* a tiny bit immature and hurting because he really wants to be an amazing Auror, but how do you do that when your dad is Harry Potter?

And yes! Scorpius is the more level headed of the group, but he's a bit outside of the Harry/Albus situation, so he can read it better. (Hee hee - I was pretty proud of the S.N.A.K.E.s thing... ;)

I can't wait to find out what you think of the next few chapters!

♥ Beth

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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Nine

6th August 2015:
I love how you don't sugercoat the darkness of this story. You really show the cruelty and the effect on the human spirit. There is a nice parallel between the torture of Alecto and the imprisonment of Imogen. While the nature of the 'torture' is different, the effect is still the same, breaking down the human spirit until the don't really know who they are any more.

I'm interested to hear what Hermione's plan is. I know she will come through for Imogen, she has to really, she is the only chance Hermione has to save herself.

Well done on another great chapter.

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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Eight

27th February 2015:
Hi Hori. I'm back again :) I'm so glad I picked up your review request because I'm really enjoying this story. There is so much depth to it, in both plot and characters and I'm completely invested in this story now.

The events of the interrogation room seemed like a very accurate portrayal of how law enforcement can see evidence and read it only one way, just because of the background of the accused. They don't even want to entertain the thought of Imogens story being the truth, because that would also be to admit a mucch darker threat. Imogen's reaction and behaviour over the death of Anton though is not how a killer would behave. Her emotions were just too raw.

Hermione and Imogen's interaction though was in stark contrast. I like how even Hermione doesn't trust what is happening and needs to cast the charms. The trust they share mean that Imogen is so much more willing to open up with details she wouldn't tell the aurors.

I love how all the tattoo's work and how there are new surprises all the time. I concur with Hermione, I would love to know all the things she can do with them.

Once again, awesome chapter. This story is very engaging and the is never a dull patch.

Author's Response: I'm glad you're still enjoying the story so much! I know I'm probably testing the patience of more than a few readers by having these long chapters where little more than talking is accomplished, but I enjoy writing that way, and I'm happy at least one person likes reading it. :)

I've more or less completely fallen in love with any scene in which Imogen and Hermione get to spend time alone figuring each other out, so don't be surprised when there are more in the future!

Thanks again for taking the time!

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Review #6, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Seven

17th February 2015:
You surely ramped things up in this chapter. It was a long read, but definitely well worth it. There were no dull spots in your writing and there is always a great amount of backstory, coupled with character exposition as well as the current action.

Imogen's growing apprehension really was well shown in each aspect of this chapter from, her initial walk, to reaching Knocturn Alley, and then to going through her fathers stuff. You could clearly see she was on edge, which made me as a reader become on edge as well. I loved the descriptions of her fathers stuff, especially the death eaters robes and her feelings towards them. Its funny how an innocuous item can make you feel so uneasy. When she dropped the diary on the bed, I knew something was going to go wrong...but atleast she has the picture,

Anton was such a cool little ccharacter, and its such a shame he had to have his young life cut short in such a way. It seems like he is ignored a bit by his parents, to be walking around at night like he is. And to try and sneak into Imogens place...that would have freaked me out to if I'd been in her shoes.

The ending sure did get exciting.and very mystery and creepy with this shadowy figure which gave me chills. The ending was so sad and I could feel all of Imogens pain. You are very good at writing these heart wrenching scenes as you don't shy away from breaking your characters down and really letting their heartfelt emotions shine through. I liked how broken and singled focussed Imogen become and that all that mattered was Anton and protecting him.

I wasn't quite expecting the ending. That definitely gave me pause and has left me wanting to know more. This is definitely one good read. more thing. I love what the tattoos can do. While a definitely curse to her, they sure have some power behind them and a power that no one is familiar with giving her a bit of an advantage at times.

Author's Response: I'm thrilled to hear that you didn't think this chapter dragged on in any places. I had considered breaking this very long segment into two chapters, but there was no obvious point where I thought it would make sense to put in a chapter break.

I always like an opportunity to paint a person's history with the objects they collect over time, so it was fun to fill Blakeney's chest with strange or obscure items. It's a shame that Imogen will probably never discern the mystery of them, but I still liked describing his odd collection.

I liked Anton as well, and as I said to another reviewer, the decision to end his part in the story took me by surprise as I was writing it. He is indeed a bit neglected, and his gravitation towards Imogen as a surrogate parental figure is part of the tragedy of his life cut short.

I'm glad you liked the ending! From this point on, it's looking like many of the chapters will be ending in similar cliffhangers, so hold on to your hat! Thank you for your review!

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Review #7, by ravenclaw_princessThe Man With the Twisted Face: Prologue

16th February 2015:
Hello, here for you BvB review. I picked this one as it had the least number of reviews to date.

Hehe.he met a girl...that made me giggle. Girls always bring trouble :P

I love childhood Antonin. He showed the typical honest characteristics of a child and he didn't judge those he didn't know. But could also sense that something wasn't quite right about this man his parents worshipped, making him fear him.

It's a refreshing take on the other side of the war. There are two sides to any revolution and the Dolohov's believed that they would create a better world out of it. New ideas can sometimes take time to grow, and it was interesting to see how they used their children, instilling the ideas of supremacy into them at a young age, to ensure that what they begin will continue into the next generation.

This is a great summary that's set up the world in which Antonin is born and the relationship he has with his parents. I liked how you described hi birth in the storm and the high hopes his parents had for him, only to be left disappointed and probably a bit bewildered too. They love him and would do anything for him, but you can also sense the fear of the Dark Lord and I wonder what they would ultimately choose, their son, death or exile. I have a feeling though they wont be forced to make that choice.

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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princessThe Family Job: The Opening Job

14th February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review.

This is an interesting concept for a story. I'm sure children of the wizarding world can just as easily fall through the cracks of society as they can in our world. In some cases, maybe even more so, especially if their parents are muggle and then freak out a bit on discovering their child is a wizard or witch. While most foster parents you hope have the interest of the child at heart, I'm sure there are still way to many who use it as a way to get additional cash and treat the poor children as their slaves to use and abuse. It must be a horrible situation to be in.

I like Teddy here, his is quite the philanthropist and trying to help out someone as much as he can, even if it means does mean he has to skirt around the rules. He knows he's asking a lot, but also knows that this poor kid will be left behind in the system if he does nothing. He's in this job because he really cares about the kids, not just for the money (though I guess there wouldn't be a lot of that either). I guess he feels a bit of kinship to the foster kids, being an orphan himself. Thankfully though, he had a lot of friends to raise him like he was their own.

It's cool to see him bring in all the cousins to help...except for James. I'm sure he has a reason and I'm sure it will come out in due course. It just shows what a tight knit family they all are and how they will all join in to help each other.

The story flowed well and the dialogue was believable with lots of banter. It was definitely a goo start to the story and I'm interested to see how the plot plays out. Well done.

Author's Response: Hi!

The topic actually came after choosing the characters. I needed a reason for Teddy to want to start something like this and since he was an orphan, I figured he'd have a pretty strong connection to kids like that who never got the chance to be adopted into a family as wonderful as his. I just really hope I'm able to portray everything accurately.

I've never actually written Teddy before since he has been so established as a character for most of the fandom, but there really wasn't any other character (except for an OC) that I felt could really make all of what I wanted to do come together. I'm so happy that he came across the way I wanted him to, I was pretty nervous about that.

The whole team sprung out of a conversation my friend and I were having about who would be what from the Leverage team. I'm just really excited to explore dynamics between these characters that I typically don't when I usually write Next Gen.

I'm so glad you liked the story so far! Thank you for stopping by and reviewing!


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Review #9, by ravenclaw_princessChoreographed Affair: Choreographed Affair

3rd February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

I don't read alot of Founders era pieces, but I really do enjoy them when I give them a go. I like being transported back in time to a different era and you definitely took me there. The language, the etiquette, the surrounds, it all fitted in so well with the period.

I felt quite sad for Helena here. She doesn't quite seem to fit in anywhere. She loves someone she can't be with and is betrothed to someone she doesn't like. Its a pretty horrible situation to be in, especially knowing the knowledge the Diadem gave her; it would be hard to enter a marriage, knowing you will never be happy.

The flow of this story worked really and I liked how the first segment linked back to the last. Each segment showed a special moment of the growing love between Helena and Godric and was a great way of showing the passing of time.

It was pretty sad ending for poor Helena. To think she was about to marry that man.

I really enjoyed this and I'll definitely have to read the companion piece.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Ooh, I'm so happy you picked this story! It is my first (and only) Fournders fic so I'm really proud that the etiquitte and language felt genuine. :D I had a lot of help from my writing partner on this.

Helena really doesn't have a fair shake at things here - she's not a student and not a teacher either - plus her betrothal. I definitely feel like the Diadem woudl be a difficult tool to use with the logical outcomes not always being what people want to experience.

Thank you so much for a lovely review! I hope you enjoyed the companion piece! :D


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Review #10, by ravenclaw_princessBlood Red Petals: Chapter One

2nd February 2015:
Hello, here for the review swap.

I love the title. Rose petals are usually seen as nice pretty things, but describing them as blood red gives a more sinister edge to them...and boy is there a sinister edge.

I haven't read The Wild Rose so I came into this fresh. I'm quite interested to read it now though in light off this dark prequel *shiver*

Its quite chilling to think what must be going on in Scorpius' head to do the things he has. His love/infatuation with Rose must be so intense to unhinge him to such a degree that he goes searching for 'her' only to kill the poor red heads when he finds that they aren't Rose. And worst of all, he has no regret about it either. Very very creepy. He's also very calculating and is also still in control of his mind to know that he has to go back to the bar to obliterate the bartenders memory.

The use of first person really took us into Scorpius' messed up head and it worked well. I also like the use of Roses and the description of the colour of red that you used throughout the story.

You're correct that a beta reader is needed, but with the exception of these occasional errors, the story itself flowed very well and gave me chills as I was reading. Awesome work.

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, it is a different description of them than usual, which is why I chose those words for the title (I actually had no idea what to call this story when I finished writing the chapter).

The Wild Rose is quite different than this, though it's still dark in some ways. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as you enjoyed this.

We rarely see Scorpius like this, and I kind of like writing him so dark and scary. He truly wants to find her, yet knows that he has to play it low, that is truly calculating.

Hehe, I knew it! So I got it beta-read after I read your comment, so I hope all is well now :)

Thank you so much for your review!

- Avi

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Review #11, by ravenclaw_princessTurning Page: Numb

2nd February 2015:
Hello. Here for you BvB review

I liked your take on Draco in this story. Your portrayal of his depression and anxiety post war seemed quite realistic. He went through a very traumatic experience and was forced to do things that I don't think he would have done given the choice. But, he didn't have a choice, if was follow Voldemort of die (and probably in quite a horrific way, knowing him).

His fear for what would happen after the war cme through very strongly, and even though he didn't end up in Azkaban, he is still in his own prison. His life is no where near easy for him, and he struggles through each day and the hate that people have towards him. It's no wonder he has turned to the Draught of Peace to take the edge off the days, but it is one of those things, that once started, can easily turn to a dependance/addiction. He is showing all the signs of this. He knows the risks, thinks he's in control of it, but is quite obviously not.

I like Astoria, she comes across as empathetic, but also as a voice of reason, and I hope he listens to her. I doubt right away, but hopefully eventually. I also like how they parted, he knows she speaks the truth, that he isn't 'fine', but doesn't want to admit it yet.

The repetition of the phrase 'Shoulders back, head up. Look past all of them. Don’t betray anything' was a strong literary technique as it really gets into Draco's head space and shows how insecure and troubled he is.

The story flowed really well and there was nice imagery and emotion that drew my right into Draco's state of mind. Well done.

Author's Response: Hi! :)

I'm so happy you liked his characterization. I worry about how he comes across the most so that means a lot!

I'm glad you like Astoria too, I've had a clear idea in my head for a long time about what she's like, I'm very fond of her.

Ah yes that part was important, I'm happy that came across!

Thank you so much! And thanks for the awesome review! :)

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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princesskisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

2nd February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

This was quite an interesting read. Its very abstract and non linear, and while initially slightly chaotic and confusing, there is a method behind the chaos, and by the end, everything made sense. And then you want to re-read it again just to see how everything fits into place.

What struck me with this piece is discerning what is 'real' and what is the imaginary, so to speak. Once I got to the end, it kind of felt like I was seeing Bernie's disconnected thoughts which have been all messed around by the Dementors...she's trying to find those hapy thoughts, but as soon as she does, the horrors overtake her again, turning her world into blood and death. However you intended it though, its clear to see what happened to Bernie and Evvie and how their world was destroyed.

I don't believe Bernie killed, her, I believe she was framed. She may say “I never meant to hurt you,” but I think this is because she blames herself for her death, its her love for her which killed her.

The story flows well in its own disconnected way. There did seem to be a few run on sentences and a few odd words here and there so another read through or a beta reader could be good just to sort these minor things out.

I really applaud you for this piece. I imagine that writing something intentionally non-linear and having it all make perfect sense to a reader is quite a challenge and I think you've one a beautiful job.

Author's Response: Hello!!

Thank you for a wonderful review on this - I'm very glad it was at least interesting and thought provoking. There's a weird sense of non-reality with this that I'm so glad actually got through (past my brain and onto the page). You really nailed the cause of her chaotic thoughts - the dementors are making her relive hell when she's trying to recall happiness.

I'm not telling people what exactly happened to Evvie (or Bernie with the Death Eaters) but it's really fun for me to read what peole think happened.

Thank you so much!


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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

30th January 2015:
This was one full on chapter and there was so much revealed.

Let's start with poor Rose. I don't even want to try and imagine what she went through. It sounds absolutely horrible. She seems to be doing remarkably ok considering the torture she endured. I'm really curious to find out the reasons why she was kidnapped and more about this Stannous. He sounds highly intelligent and there seemed to be an objective behind him kidnapping her, especially with him leaving healing materials behind for her. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story arc goes.

Scorpius sure was a mess in this chapter. I think the time he spent with Rose the night before must have flicked a switch in him which made him wan to drink himself into oblivion to make him forget his past. Unfortunately, it all came tumbling out. The previous chapters made it seem like their love was unrealised, but here, it was quite clear that they have both known they liked each other, but for various reasons, the relationship was never pursued. I can understand Scorpius' grief, anger and frustrations at his father. I imagine there was a lot unsaid between the two of them, and that Draco never really told Scorpius much about the war from his perspective.

I love how the back story between Rose and Scorpius came out in this wasn't told, it was shown through the interactions and dialogue between the two. I also like how seeing the scar segued into Rose's memories. It all flowed really smoothly.

Awesome chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

This review was such a nice, awesome surprise! Thank you so much.

I'm so happy that you're intrigued enough to continue this story. Rose isn't doing as well as she'd like everyone to think. And you're right - Stannous does have an ulterior motive for the kidnapping - and he is very clever and devious.

This is a low point for Scorpius. He's really lost and angry a lot of the time. I think you described it perfectly when you mentioned their "unrealized love." And yep, this is the first time the two of them notice that the feelings are mutual.

Gah - thanks so much - you really picked up on each nuance that I was trying to put into this chapter.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #14, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

23rd January 2015:
Hello, I'm back again.

Kitchen accident...we all know that's not the case. Scorpius was very robotic through this section showing his overwhelmed and disbelieving state of mind. I feel there were tiny hints of skepticism within Scorpius, but he's too dazed yet to notice them. His reaction and beahavious seems quiet realistic. HE's trying to hold it together, but when the flood gates open, boy do they open.

I love Rose. She's beautifully characterised. She has a lovely spark, a very caring heart but also a lot of spunk. She's a girl who knows her mind. I loved this line of hers “Now, if you would excuse me, I have to use the loo - unless, of course, you want to follow me in there and accuse me of doing something untoward with the toilet.”

The love between Scorpius and Rose came through in this chapter, although neither of them see it yet. It was so sad how Rose was crying and then she started Scorpius crying.

Lovely chapter. I'm looking forward to reading on :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Gosh - this review was such a nice surprise. Thanks so much.

You saw right through the kitchen accident - keep that tucked away for later :)

I'm a little in love with Rose too and I was glad that I had a chance to write the flashback so readers could see her true nature, because at this point in the story, she's not really up to being herself.

Haha - you found my favorite line!! I seriously laughed so hard when I wrote that (and I'm embarrassing myself by admitting it right now - haha).

Yes - neither of them see their feelings for each other yet, but most of the others do! They're so clueless!

Thanks again - this review was awesome!

♥ Beth

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Review #15, by ravenclaw_princessPlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

22nd January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

Well done on a great chapter. I was completely drawn into the surrounding and the characters and it kind of felt like I was there, watching the action unfold.

The first few paragraphs were brilliant for hooking me in. The imagery of the setting was very captivating and created such a rich world. I really felt like I was in Vegas. You really created the air of temptation and devilry with the language yu used and the small details you added, such as the tight sequined dress.

The use of first person gave this chapter a real sense of mystery. While I have my suspicions of who the girl is, we end this chapter with very little details about her or her background. Playing a pool shark in a casino and waging unsuspecting men out of lots of cash is hardly the 'profession' someone dreams to be in (I do assume here a little), so it will be interesting to learn more about her and how she ended up on this path. I'm not sure exactly what sort of arrangement she's in with Freddy Weasley but it does sound a little unsavoury.

I loved the interactions between the two characters as they played pool. I think you tapped into the gambling mindset quite well and how it was so easy for him to overlook the signs of a ploy and just want to try once more to get the big win.

I loved the language you've used. There are lots of wonderful descriptions that create a very rich setting that is so easy to picture. This is a great first chapter and I'll definitely be back to read more.


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your review!

I'm so glad that my setting drew you in. That was what I was going for, and the first few paragraphs are still some of my favorites. Ooh, I've never actually been to Vegas, so I am so happy to hear that I created a setting that mimics it a little bit.

First person is not ideal for me, but it was the most comfortable for the story. I wanted to keep my character's identity a secret for as long as possible (while still keeping things interesting). And she's definitely a pool shark, but there's nothing personal about her in this chapter. It's all a facade! :D More will be revealed much later on, never fear! (Freddy Weasley is definitely unsavoury, you're right!)

Thank you! I've never gambled before, so I'm way out of my area of expertise with this stuff, but it's fun to imagine and make things up.

Thank you thank you thank you! If you come back, I hope you enjoy what you read! :D


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Review #16, by ravenclaw_princessPrompt One: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds

17th January 2015:
Hello. Here for the BvB review battle.

I love Oliver Wood, so when I saw this story, I just had to read it. I like your portrayal of him. Oliver can be portrayed as 'the perfect athlete' but you've given him realistic flaws which are canon with the books. He was very competitive at Hogwarts and its very realistic to see this manifest as anger when things start to go wrong. Especially when he's out with an injury and his team is losing.

The story flowed quite well. At first, it was all a bit of a mystery, with where he was and who he was with, and then why was he with them...what had he done to need good publicity. All the answers were revealed at a nice pace and they came together nicely.

I liked the interaction and the description surrounding Junie. For such a small piece, you gave her so much vibrancy and she really came alive. The details about her appearance, the way she talked and her perfume fitted so well together, as did the way that Oliver interacted with her.

I liked how the anger that was simmering in Oliver dissipated in the end when he saw the Snigets. They sound like the cutest little things.

Great story, I really enjoyed it. There was lovely description, nice pace and flow and I didn't see any issues with grammar. Awesome work.


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your review. :)

Oliver is portrayed very often as a stereotypically perfect athlete. I wanted to undermine that stereotype as much as possible, so I'm glad that you thought I did well with giving him flaws. He's super competitive and rather angry, especially with that injury!

Thank you! I tend to rely on mystery too much in my writing, so putting the answers in a logical place was a challenge for me.

Junie is so colorful that I need sunglasses to look at her. I had way too much fun writing about her perfume and outfit and behavior. :D

Thank you so very much! Snidgets are totally adorable, and they'll win the hearts of even the grumpiest of Quidditch players. :)


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Review #17, by ravenclaw_princessSubjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

12th January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review.

This is such a great story. I love stories that delve deeper in the magical world to try and understand magic at its fundamental level and how it got to where it is today. The introductory paragraph was really good and had me totally hooked. It set a very nice tone to the piece and makes you question what happened to make things as they are.

I really liked Winifred. She comes across as wise and very inquisitive. She's trying to make sense of the world around her by understanding as much as she can. She holds no prejudices between the races and seems to want to know about everything so they can use each of their strengths to make the world better.

Hywel initially comes across as a great friend, but as the story proceeds, his dark side starts to creep in. He seems to be holding some deep resentment and hurt from the events of the past. It got me worried when he was talking about 'striking first' if you think it necessary. This can never end well.

This story wasn't bogged down in metaphors or imagery and I think this created a very nice tone for the story. The dialogue and the characterisations came through stronger this way. The way it was written kind of reminded me of reading old legends and myths, that tell of how things came to be.

This story is quite imaginative and I look forward to reading the second part to see what happens. The world here is definitely not what it is like in the books so I'm keen to see you take on how the magical world came to be as it is today. I'm also interested to see what becomes of the elves.

Well done.

Author's Response: Hello!!

Oh thank you so much for this review. I was in a challenge to write about house elves and the only interesting thing I came up with was an origin story. When I wrote the intro paragraph I felt the story that followed would just fall into place. I"m glad it pulled you in. ^_^

Winifred is very inquisitive which was fun to write. I wish there were more beings like her in general. Hywel has a dark side that does slowly come out. I feel like he would have turned out differently in other circumstances but alas, he didn't. The striking first thing will be a theme later. :-/

I've never been sure if I let the story go with too few descriptions. I can't get over hearing that this sounds a bit mythological. That's not a type of writing I thought I could emmulate.

I will have a second part to this up in the next few months - I made an outline for it the other day. I hope you'll like it!

Thank you for the awesome review!


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Review #18, by ravenclaw_princessDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

11th January 2015:

I really like this story. I don't read a lot of marauders era but I did find myself quite liking this one. It was the summary that really intrigued me and I'll definitely have a listen to the song :)

I can see this story happening prior to Lily and James getting together. The relationship was carried out in secret and I doubt either of them would want it to get out for various reasons. There was also a lot left unsaid, which while it would be nice to know more, it meant the story was bogged down with backstory. ie...was Lily always harbouring a crush for Sirius and did Sirius have some other motivations for going for Lily rather than just liking her.

I like the sue of 2nd person because it's not something you see a lot of. The use of 2nd person seems to draw me into the story more and makes me see everything from the characters eyes. I likes the characterisation of Sirius. There were little allusions to some well masked issues. He seemed to like he wasn't good enough for anyone and he also seemed to be searching for something, hoping to find it in Lily, but even she couldn't help him :( I wonder if his player/badboy ways is just a facade.

I liked Lily too. Normally she can be a bit of a goody goody, but I liked how she was the one who seemed to drive things forward and how she could let her hair down and joke and goof around.

This was a nice little piece, and while I feel sad for Lily who had her heart broken, I find myself feeling sorrier for Sirius who seems so lost and unsure of himself. The story was also really well written and flowed nicely. Lovely job.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!!

Ooh, I'm glad I got you to read a Marauders era story as you don't really do them a lot. Yay for summaries. :D I hope you enjoy the song - it's by one of my favorite bands.

Well, when I decided to write about them I didn't want to make it a cheating story because that just never feels right to me. I thought they'd have a shot at something brief before James and Lily were a thing. That gave me a rather narrow timespan to make them real. This is definitely a mutually beneficial secret. Sirius would hate owning up to James and Lily, well, she wouldn't want to be one of the mass idiots. I do have a novel for camp nano that touches on relationships during the first war. So, the perspectives would change but you'd see a lot more of the world surrounding this.

Second person was scary for me when I set out to write this. Once I got into the story it became a bit more manageble - but I'm really glad it helped draw you into the story. Yes! the behind hte scenes issues with Sirius - I'm glad you caught that as I didn't want to go on about it in the story but I had to make it there, even if it's just a subtle nod to stuff not being right for him. I will say that you're quite perceptive with your interpretation of Sirius.

Breaking Lily out of the good girl mold was pretty liberating. She's that girl who people always think of as straight-laced but wants to be a bit edgier.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and i'm very very happy you enjoyed it!

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Review #19, by ravenclaw_princessThe Brothers Three: Introduction

9th January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

I'm not sure what I was expecting but I have to say I was blown away. I love love loved the first part apart Death. She was so cool (and I must say it was cool to see Death as a women because I usually see Death depicted as a man). I love the personification of all the sins and how you wove them into the people of society. Each was so beautifully described with lovely imagery. And Death sits watching.this is such a great way to end the section. It gives this sense of impending disaster and suspense and you known that Death will step in, but you're not quite sure when.

The introduction of the Peverall brothers was very well done. The sins that they are guilty of clearly came across in your writing through their actions and interactions with each other. The whole section flowed naturally through each introduction as well. Cadmus's response regarding Ignotus' birth was so nasty. Ignotus did well to bite back a response.

I feel sorry for Cadmus, to lose his wife and children, but to wish death on his brothers wife isn't very nice.

It will be interesting to see where things go with this story. Its been really well written, and while I noticed a couple of minor typo's over all, it read and flowed really nicely. Good good and I'll be back to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked her, and the personification. I was really working on this first chapter, so I'm glad I pulled it off.

Brothers aren't always nice to each other. (With five, I know firsthand. Lol) I thought it would help give a sense of familiarity to them.

Thank you so much for the lovely review, hopeufully I'll be able to update soon.

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Review #20, by ravenclaw_princessRiddikulus: Riddikulus

7th January 2015:
Hello. Here for the BvB review battle

I really like this story and I felt so sad for McGonagall. It must be hard to go back to school after so many of her students had died in the battle. The Boggart's depiction seemed very realistic and I imagine that McGonagall will feel like she failed them and was unable to protect them like she should have. But she did try to save them, unfortunately, many defied her and wanted to fight.

I liked the depiction of each character in their ghostly state and you got their voices to sound very real and accusing, breaking poor McGonagall down. Defeating a boggart does not sound like a very fun thing to do.

I like that it was Winky that came to help McGonagall. She was so moppy through a lot of the books, so it was nice to see how she has moved forward and now loves Hogwarts and it's inhabitants.

Lovely story, well done :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked it

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Review #21, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Six

31st December 2014:
This has been one of my favourite chapters to date. The second half got really intense. You never skimp on the details and that's what I've really enjoyed whilst reading through so far. Starting this chapter talking about Crookshanks created a really warm opening to the Chapter and gave Crookshanks a character as well as add a bit of foreshadowing/insight on the role he played later on. When Crookshanks was distressed later in the chapter, I had a feeling that something was amiss and this feeling was partly created due to focusing on him at the beginning (I did have other thoughts and I'm very glad to see that none of these thoughts came true and Crookshanks is very much still ok.)

I loved the second half of the chapter from about where Crookshanks was startled. The intensity magnified ten fold. The descriptions were magnificent, especially regarding the pain that coursed through Hermione. And then the ending, with her hand...I knew it was bad and I love the suspense you created by her not looking at it for a while.

Great chapter, I loved it :) And now Ron and Harry are involved too. There is no way that Harry is going to disappear now.

Author's Response: Coincidentally, this was one of the easiest, most fun chapters to write. I had been holding off on reintroducing the original HP trio until it came naturally to the story. It also allowed me to take a mini thinking-vacation, because the dynamic of Harry, Ron, and Hermione is so deeply ingrained into all of our minds that I don't have to do much as a writer to re-establish their camaraderie. It's probably not good that I just admitted to that. Heh heh heh

I always like using the presence of animals to act as foreshadowing devices in chapters. Showing how an animal reacts to something as a contrast to how they might behave later helps build tension for the reader, with the added benefit that, as a writer, there's no obligation to go into the animal's head and explain why they are having that reaction.

And of course Crookshanks is okay! :) In my headcannon, Crookshanks outlives everyone and everything in the books!

One of my apparent talents is in writing discomfort and pain, so that was another part of this chapter that came very easy. I'm happy you liked it. I wish I had the same skill set when it comes to writing tender emotion and romance, but beggars can't be choosers. In the meantime I'll continue to write my dark, depressing stories filled with agony, and save the warmer stuff for the other writers. ;D

So thrilled you enjoyed this! And yes, Ron and Harry will continue to play a part in the story. They're not going anywhere!

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Review #22, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Five

29th December 2014:
Hello. I'm back at last.

This was an enjoyable chapter. I felt like I learnt a lot more about Imogen and the curse (poor girl, it sounds dreadful) and there was nice interaction between her and Hermione. You can tell that Imogen hasn't opened up to many people in her life, but it also sounds like people either avoided her or she avoided them. She seems taken aback that Hermione is actually trying to gain a deeper understanding of her than what first impressions can give.

Carrow and Blatt sound like very bad news...well Carrow definitely is, Blatt doesn't seem too cunning. I was pretty glad the stranger didn't return because he is horrifying. I haven't gotten over the last time we saw him yet.

All in all, very a good chapter. It reads really well with lots of imagery, nice flow, and no grammatical or spelling errors that I've noticed.

Well done.

Author's Response: Finally getting to these responses!

This chapter had a huge potential to get bogged down, as it is essentially a chapter devoted to explaining things to the reader. I'm happy that you picked up on the growing relationship between Imogen and Hermione, and the difficulty Imogen has with this, since I was relying on this dynamic to keep readers interested while I spent a great deal of time listing things that are important for the reader to know. ;)

Writing Blatt into the story, even as a minor character, was fun. He provides a good contrast to Carrow and the Stranger. It was my little way of illustrating that, besides the select few 'inner circle' members still active, most of the Death Eater ranks are now inundated with hapless, cowardly goons.

Don't worry, the Stranger will be back soon!

Glad you enjoyed this chapter! :)

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Review #23, by ravenclaw_princessWhen It Matters: When It Matters

24th December 2014:
Hi, here for the Christmas Gift swap.

This is seriously the sweetest piece of cute fluff I've read in a long time. Absolutely perfect for Christmas Eve night.

I've read Two: The Perfect Blend, so I really enjoyed seeing this moment of their lives together. the writing is beautiful and I was totally transported to Hogwarts. I'm so jealous of the snow at Hogwarts. You made it sound so wonderful there, just like the picture perfect Christmas scene.

The enchanted mistletoe was brilliant. It gave me a few chuckles, poor Al, having all the the girls chase him.

I loved Scoprius, he was so super sweet, and he had the best lines that would make any girls heart melt. Lie this... "Your hair, it makes you stand out in any crowd. And in the snow especially, you're a beacon of color against that backdrop of white"...I mean, how can a girl decline after a line like that. I loved his nervousness. He was taking such a chance and I can so see why he left it til that day to say something. After than moment, there was no going back, he was either going to become very happy or else risk a friendship.

The gift giving was sweet and I liked Scoprius' confusion when Rose didn't say yes right away, even though she was bursting with happiness inside. Actually, everything was sweet and well written, from the asking Rose out, to the banter between friends to the descriptions of the scenery.

This is an lovely little story and I really enjoyed it :)


Author's Response: OMG, hi, Jacqui. :)

Sweetest piece of cute fluff? You make me happy, you make me laugh, your review is just beautiful. Thank you very much. I love you.

Awww. Thank you, I am so happy that you read my Two: The Perfect Blend fic. I'm glad you liked how I wrote this. I love envisionng Hogwarts at Christmas, it's the most beautiful thing ever. Even if I haven't seen it. :)

Yes, Al. Poor Al. I loved making him suffer. Much as I love the boy (and I do, I want to squish him so bad.) I just wanted to make him suffer because it's such a lovely thing and so funny.

Omg, if a guy told me that line... I would have gone crazy! And I would have been really really happy. :) Then again, would never happen since I have pale skin and dark hair. haha.

I'm really glad you enjoyed this story. Thank you for reading and for the review!


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Review #24, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

23rd December 2014:
*sob* I'm not sure it this was the best thing to read first thing on Christmas Eve morning :(

Once again, a very powerful chapter. It made me so sad for Scoprius. Its obvious that Rose has had something horrible happen to her in her life, but I wasn't expecting Scorpius to have such a sad back story as well.

He seems more in control than Rose, but more may come out in the next chapter. You can tell he is still hurting deep inside, but he seems to want to bury his pain away, rather than face it. As well as showing the terrible events of his past, it also gave an insight into Draco's relationship with his parents. I liked how close he seemed with his Mom, and while Draco was a bit stricter, he did allow him to go to the Potter's place so there was a heart in their somewhere.

I suspect foul play was involved, from when his mother said 'it's not sa...' Could this be safe maybe. I think they they new something, which casts even greater mystery into the events. Scopius' reaction to the scene and how his body reacted was so powerfully written and I was completely transported into his numb body and shocked mind.

Scopius was very sweet at the beginning when he was thinking back to Rose's touch and having her in his room. I wonder how long he's been pining for her. And he kept her t-short. So cute.

Thinking back to the start of the chapter has made me feel happier again :)

Beautiful chapter. I'm loving this story.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Oops! Sorry you had to read this on Christmas Even morning :( This one is a rough one. The next one is the rest of Scorpius's flashback, but it is a little lighter than this one.

Eep! You found my clues! Again!

Thanks again - I absolutely love your reviews.

♥ Beth

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Review #25, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

23rd December 2014:
This is such an awesome chapter. There was just so much happening.

I'll start with Rose. She is characterised so well. She's got a lot of fear in her. She masks it so well to everyone else and she's developed her own coping mechanisms to deal with it. I loved the change in her within this chapter. She let her guard down when chatting and joking with Scorpius but then, when that stranger grabbed her, her whole demeanor changed, to one of panic, isolation, and embarrassment.

I loved the scene at the end and how you injected some humour into a very tense situation. I loved Scopius when he said “Can we discuss this in, say, five minutes?” Scorpius’s temper flared again. The group just stood there, looking dumbfounded at the two of us. “As in… get the hell out of here so Rose can put a goddamn shirt on!” It made me chuckle :)

It was also a very sweet moment between Rose and Scopius at the end. It was a very personal moment between them, and showed a deep connection which I don't think either of them realises exists at the moment. I can't wait to see something develop (hopefully).

And then there was the icky guy at the party. I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of him.

Awesome chapter

Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this awesome amazing review. I'm just so excited because I feel like you picked up on every little detail and emotion I tried to put in this chapter.

You really caught on to Rose's dealing with the trauma. She is so wrapped up in the middle of it, she doesn't even realize it.

And yes! Rose and Scorpius do have a deeper connection and they are both completely oblivious! I can't even tell you how excited I was to read this!

haha - good intuition with the icky guy!

♥ Beth

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