Reading Reviews From Member: ravenclaw_princess
683 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princessTogether As One: Like The Moon, Hidden Away

19th November 2015:
Hello again. Because it took me so long to get to your first review, I thought I'd review this chapter for you as well.

Once again, you have captured a lovely moment in their relationship. Their relationship probably wasn't what most people would expect and have hence kept it private to avoid any disapproval from other, but with time, they know that it is right for them and that's all that matters.

The fear of the characters really comes through, yet is mentioned in the most subtle of ways. You allude to it, such as the Order members always being out on missions, and also how Lupin says 'Where you go I will go' He knows their future is fraught with danger, but with Tonks by his side, he will do what he must to fight the war. It's also got a hint of foreshadowing, knowing how their tale ends (sob)

I like the imagery with the moon. It is such a major part of Lupin's life that it was quite a neat comparison with how he see Tonks in his life. You're descriptions overall are really nice and I felt drawn into their tale. In very few words, you're able to convey so much emotion.

There are quite large spaces between the paragraphs so I recommend reducing these to only one or two spaces as it makes it easier to read.

Other thank that, this is another beautiful chapter. Well done


Author's Response: Thank you again, you didn't have to do both but I appreciate it all the same!

I'm glad you liked it this chapter (I personally like it more than the first one!)

I had some of problems with the editor when I first put the story up, but I will try and fix those large spaces soon.


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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princessTogether As One: Life Is Not A Wish Granting Factory

19th November 2015:
Hey, I'm here for your requested review...finally. I'm sorry it took so long.

This is quite a nice little piece and you captured this moment in the relationship of Lupin and Tonks well. It was easy to sense Lupin's anguish; his heart was telling him that he should be with Tonks, but his brain was telling him that it wouldn't work. He always knew he loved her, he just didn't think that he deserved her. He thought she would be happier with someone else.

You captured a rare moment of Tonks' vulnerability. She is usually so carefree and spirited but here she is, just as you've described, heartbroken. She is being pushed away from Lupin, not because he doesn't love her but because he can't see their future like she can.

I love the ending and how by totally crushing Tonks' heart, he realised that he was also crushing his own. In such a small piece, you conveyed quite a lot of Lupin's character and how his brain was shut down and his heart won out.

I noticed a couple of minor errors
"mousy brown curls that currently tangled there" - Remove 'currently'. It's not needed
"but I dragged myself over to the wash-basin instead" change but to so

Apart from these, everything was written well with nice grammar and flow. You've done a nice job.


Author's Response: Hey Jacqui,

Thank you for reviewing this for me, I appreciate it.

Thank you for your opinion on a couple of the word choices there, I like them and will change them shortly.


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Review #3, by ravenclaw_princessNihil: Cave

14th November 2015: know how to do dark. I'm chilled to the bone right now after reading this.

Anyway, here for your requested review :)

I figured this was set a number of years after he first chapter so I wasn't really sure who I was reading about to begin. It's all pretty vague for a bit, but then we find out it's a girl and then that it's a Potter or Weasley. This just heightens the mystery of what is going on is this dystopian world that you've created. It sounds like who ever this 'mint nihil' is, he's rounding up all the wizards and witches. But he also calls them is there some sort of game going on? He's pretty creepy what ever he is, being able to get inside of our characters head and all.

I like your leading lady. She has some spunk to her and seems quite tuned to her surroundings, which is probably how she has survived so long. Yet you can also see the regret that she feels from not being able to save everyone else. She's in a game where it seems like there are a lot of mental tricks at play and it's hard to know what to believe when unknown factors are messing with your head. For all her better judgement, she was still drawn to the arches. I wonder if this has lead to her demise. There is just so much mystery surrounding what is going on that you just can't help but be drawn in.

The chapter was written with a fast pace which mimicked the action. This helped to draw me along with it. Your imagery was well done and I could see the surroundings and sense the characters fear.

The three sections of this story so far show three quite different periods of time. It will be quite interesting to see how they all link together. This chapter and the second part of the last one was just spine tingling and you've got a knack for sinister plots and chilling writing.

Well done. More than happy to review subsequent chapters too :)


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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princessThe Long Road Down: Pinstripes and Whisky

9th November 2015:
Hello. Here for your requested review

I have to say, you're writing style is quite funny and I found myself chuckling quite a bit at the metaphors you used. Especially this one "sounded pretty similar to a cat being jammed a***-first into a paper shredder." It kind of made me cringe and laugh at the same time. The use of language also really fitted in with Saul's attitude of not really giving a toss about the world. He sure does have an interesting name for his department as well.

I found Saul to be a very real character full of flaws. His mannerisms, his thoughts, his language, all talk of someone who has no goals and no motivation yet moans about the life he has and then drowns his sorrows in alcohol. You can see all the other characters in this story looking down upon him and kind of wondering why they have to deal with this lout.

I have no doubt that this mysterious Mr Gorman placed the note in Saul's pocket. Why though is the big mystery. As is what it said seeing as it then disappeared. An apparently so did a house. It makes me wonder if Saul has unwittingly become a secret keeper. Who better to do it than a drunk man who can't remember anything, but I'm not quite sure if that really makes sense. Which means you have me stumped as to what's going on, which is a good thing.

Bode seems to be the complete opposite of Saul. As the summary implies they start to work together, it will be interesting to see how this relationship develops. I get the impression it's not going to go too well with Saul rubbing the more straight laced Bode up the wrong way. It could be fun to watch.

Grammar and spelling were pretty good and the story flows well. The only minor thing I saw was that he went from his bed to being marched through the atrium of the Ministry without any explanation of how they got there, which made me read the section back a bit to see if I had missed something as I had to suddenly jump locations.

I find this first chapter both funny and engaging, and it also leaves a lot of mystery about what's going on. I also like how the first chapter is so different from what your summary suggests, which means there is quite a lot of story to be had, especially when you consider how Saul is now. I can't imagine him to be part of the unspeakables.

Good job. I'm more than happy to review any further chapters if you'd like, just repost in my thread.


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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princessTo Steal Our Breath Away: Prologue

9th November 2015:
Hello. Here for BvB. I picked this one as it looked like it needed the most love.

I have to admit, you had my heart racing. I was just reading along waiting for something creepy to jump out of the story, and as Jane's paranoia lessened, mine seemed to increase. So I have to say well done on the gripping writing.

I like how you started the story, talking about how Jane was so ready to retire from her life at the Ministry, and then how her holiday retreat and the solitude started to scare her. When you start to feel uneasy about your safety, it's so easy for every little thing to make you run scare. I really think you captured this uneasiness in Jane. Maye she thought she was being silly.but by the end, you can tell she had every right to be.

As a reader you pulled me right into her fear and had me jumping at every little thing. I love how you described her paranoia and the things she did, like locking the doors and not wanting to stay out after dark really intensified her unease, even though she couldn't explain it.

I was not expecting the ending. I was expecting something nasty to happen, and when she felt the pain all of a sudden, I wondered what spell she'd been hit with, only to then find out she was transforming and she'd been shot by someone who I can only guess is a werewolf hunter. This was a really good turn on events that I never saw coming.

Grammar and spelling were good and the story flowed really well, completely drawing me into the world. You've made a really good start and it will be interesting to see where this goes. I have to wonder though, if you've made me this on edge in the first chapter, what's the rest of the story going to be'll have me quaking with fear.


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Review #6, by ravenclaw_princessSomething to Live For: Interviewing a Foreigner

7th November 2015:
Hello. I'm here for your requested review

One of your main concerns was with your OC so I'll start here. I don't think you have any worries at all and she definitely didn't come across like a Mary Sue. I can sense the desperation in her and while she's trying to hold i together on the outside, on the inside, she is really struggling. There are little insights that you have woven into the story, such as her thrift shop shoes and not being able to pay Tom (again). All these things build a picture of the character which gives her a personality and pieces of the backstory.

One of your other concerns was the strength of the plot. You elude to some dark magic which is why Rosalind has come to London so you do start to create a bit of mystery and wonder for the reader on what has happened. We also know that Rosalind has been involved in law enforcement, has may scars to prove it, yet is still running away from something. I don't know where the story goes, but my perspective as a reader is that she is currently more worried about paying the bills than what ever she is running away from. If you do want to highlight the threat she's running away from/which is coming to make things more dark and edgy, you could have more internal worries, or have her reflect on a memory, or else show she is on edge by jumping at shadows etc. You'll create more questions for the reader and entice them to keep reading.

I found your writing to be quite engaging and flowed nicely, with lots os imagery and description. I could sense Rosalind's wonder at the Ministry as well as her internal anxieties.

It was nice to see Draco and I think you have done a good job with him. You captured his arrogant side, but also a kinder side, which is, I hope, a reflection of him growing up. He flowed in and out of the story well and you've set him up nicely for whatever role he is going to play.

It was also nice to see George and the two shared a nice interaction. I wonder if you are potentially setting up a love interest with this section as I don't feel it adds a lot to the story. We know the Rosalind is struggling with money as she couldn't pay Tom, so why would she then visit another shop when she knows she can't buy anything and it will only depress her more? I feel her motivation for going into the shop needs to be stronger. It could be as simple as her walking past and smelling the peppermint which brought back memories of home and draw her to the shop. I feel it just needs something to segue into this section a little smoother.

I'm very glad to find she got the job. Looks like things will be picking up.

I hope my review has helped you. You have a pretty solid start and you're a lovely writer. My main suggestion to strengthen the plot would be to add just a little more sense of the impending darkness.

Thanks for asking me to review. I'm more than happy to read future chapters if you'd like.

Author's Response: Hello hello! So sorry this took so long life most defiantly got in the way

I did change up a lot in the chapter because as the story progressed I wasn't happy with it at all. I think you are right though, since she is struggling financially it doesn't really make sense for her to visit the shop, but I did want to introduce George at the same time. I wanted the reader to feel that she is doing decently at the moment, but something bad could potentially happen. Thank you for pointing those things out, I'll make sure to clean them up. I'll also edit the second chapter before requesting another review. Thank you so much!

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Review #7, by ravenclaw_princessHow to Fly: How to Fly

7th November 2015:
Hello. Here for BvB

I like reading 500 word pieces as it's interesting to see how much can be conveyed in such a small word count.

I really enjoyed this piece. You picked three key moments in Hermione's life where motherly 'fear' take over. Hermione has gone through so much in her life, but nothing can quite compare to taking your first child home. This is such an emotional time, full of so much love but also so much anxiety.

I like the repetition of "Ive ridden on the back of a thestral, a hippogriff, a dragon" as it links every part of the story together. It also shows that for as much as Hermione has done in her life and how brave she has had to be, there are parts of being a mother that instill a different sort of fear in you.

It was pretty sweet, Hermione and Rose flying.Flying is probably one of the only thing that Hermione wasn't good at and it's so cool to see her overcoming this fear for her daughter.

It must be hard to see your child off to school for the first time, knowing you want see them for months. For the first time, Hermione has to step back and allow Rose to stand on her own two feet. It's something every parent must do, and all you can do is hope for the best and trust that they have listened to your teaching.

This was a very lovely story. Beautiful work.


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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princessPride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

2nd November 2015:
Hello. Here for BvB. I thought it was only fair to come and gush over your happy Scorose after you have read my tragedies. I do love them...honest.

It's pretty cool to see the next-gen kids from the outset of school and you've given each of them a unique personality.

Rose is a little bratty and judgmental, but that can be the way with 11 year olds as they haven't quite learnt how to turn their filter on. She knows that she shouldn't judge Scoprius, but with the little knowledge she has of him, and then the things she observes about him, she just can't help but form an early judgement. He does come from a completely different background and with Ron saying things like he was (which I can totally see Ron doing) no wonder she has a preconceived judgement on him. She really does have spark though and isn't afraid to speak her mind so I'm sure there will be some fiery encounters.

Albus is great fun. I'm a little surprised that he hadn't heard the Malfoy name, but I think you explained it away well enough, and also provided some insight into Harry, who you mentioned called him Draco and how Albus describes as 'Dad's school friend'. It shows how Harry has grown and matured and not holding any grudges. Except for Umbridge, and I have to agree with you...Umbridge was a nasty piece of work. I would hold a grudge over her til the day that I die as well. That bit about the scar and what Harry would do to make the kids talk was really cool.

Anyway, back to Albus...he has quite a cool, fun loving personality and nothing seems to really phase him. I like how welcoming he was to Scorpius and how easily he could bring Scorpius out of his shell.

So onto Scorpius now...I like him. He obviously knows the history of his family and was really worried about how he was going to be treated by others. I've never seen him characterised so meek before and I think that this is a really cool trait that will be interested to see developed. Saying that though, as soon as Albus and him hit it off, he quickly became at ease. He does seem a little poncy, as per Rose's observations of his language and clothing, and it will be funny to see what teasing this brings about.

When Scoprius said this line I would esteem that highly,, I thought to myself 'who says that, and then Rose basically said the same thing. I had to laugh to myself.

There are a few spelling errors but the story flowed nicely and there was a heap of personality bundled into you characters as well as description to embellish the scenes.

Awesome job.

Author's Response: Hello there, thanks for the wonderful review. This was a very good positive review and I have received many such (thank you oh BvB), but one thing about this is that it is one of the first to 'get' everything that I was trying to achieve.

She's not really bratty, she's really more as you say judgmental. She is quite smart and up till this point, most of the logical assumptions that she's made about things in her life have been fairly accurate. As you will see over the course of the whole train trip (and a bit beyond) Rose is set to have a few disappointments along the lines of her assumptions not proving to be terribly accurate; or at least smashing up against reality. And poor old Scorpius, being so far outside her previous world view of boys (and for other reasons) is going to be the brunt of her ire.

It is a bit of a stretch that Albus hadn't heard of the name of Malfoy, but I liked what it meant about him and his father that he hadn't, so I thought it worth the attempt. There are plenty of other fic's out there that take the usual tack of having him know of the Malfoys so if it bothers anyone they can ignore my experiment and read one of those many others. It says a lot about Albus, but it says more about Harry and about his capacity for forgiveness. We will see some of the parents in this story, but not much - they will be occupying the periphery occasionally.

As to not forgiving Umbridge, I believe that he would have given her a second chance, but knowing her nature she would have dashed it to pieces with her inability to change her true self.

Albus is cool and fun - Gryffindor maybe? - he is also very caring - or Hufflepuff? - with his answer to Rose at the end of the chapter we can see that he is smart and sly - so either Ravenclaw or Slytherin too. I have seen Albus presented as a member of any one of these houses, that's how broad his personality is. So I hope you enjoy what I eventually do with him and his character too.

So again I wanted to try something different with Scorpius. There are so many fics where he comes to school arrogant and full of himself and some of those are even ones in which he does it to mask his fears of how he thinks he will be treated by others, simply because of his family name. So I wanted to turn it around and have him not confident at all, thinking that it would be him alone against a school of many. I also picture him as someone who has not had that many friends in his younger life, so Albus is like a savior for him. His poncyness will be an issue, especially for Rose, and there will be ramifications in the chapters to come.

To put that sort of line in, I just cannot leave it there; it wont ring true in this day and age. So to have one of the inhabitants of the scene think the same thing, it does mean that she at least believes it to be anachronistic too. More will be revealed about exactly why Scorpius speaks as he does, but it will not be for fifteen or so chapters yet. Though I am pleased that it made you laugh.

*sigh* spelling, ever my enemy.

And that last adieu is charity itself, thank you so much. As of this review the story has had 4325 reads and this chapter has had 831, thank you all.

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Review #9, by ravenclaw_princessNihil: Beginning

31st October 2015:
Hello. I'm here for your requested review

First off, I love the quote at the beginning. I'm always a fan of this technique of having some profound phrase at the beginning of a chapter which sort of sets the scene of what's to come.

The story has two distinct parts which are written in two totally different styles. Personally, I'm much more of a fan of the 3rd person segment as it offers more description of the environment and the events that are occurring. I felt more drawn into this section as I was reading. The first section was more the internal ramblings of Louis and a lot of dialogue between characters but i didn't really feel drawn into the scene like I was with the second part. I found myself starting to skim read a bit in the first section, as while there was a lot of character exposure, I could feel the gist of Louis character pretty quickly and then I was just waiting for the action. But then I got to the second part and then I totally slowed down and took in every detail. But as I said, this is just a personal preference, I tend to enjoy the descriptive style of writing more.

But with that aside, the first section is quite witty and shows that Louis sure has some spunk. It seems like he doesn't fit in with the rest of the family, but he doesn't know that he doesn't fit. This comes across in the things the Fleur, Molly and Fred say. And then of course, he is sorted into Slytherin which kind of cements the fact that his mind works in differently to the rest. The banter between the cousins was pretty funny and it made me laugh.

The second part showed a very mentally strong Louis. He still has that fire within him and a quick wit but their is a real strength behind him. It will be cool to see happens over the course of his life to shape him into the person he is at this moment. I imagine the Louis in the first section would rat on his own family to save his skin, but not the Louis of the second half.

The summary of the story really intrigued me, but it was only when I go to the second part of the story that it felt like I was reading a story that related to the summary. Just something for you to consider as the story evolves, but have you thought about switching the first and second sections around? I feel the second section sets the story up way more and really draws the reader into the plot and shows where the story is heading. Maybe it could even be made into a short prologue to draw the reader in. There is something seriously sinister going and on you've given a few clues but so many more questions which is what you want to do at the start of a story.

There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, but a beta can help you with those. I would recommend using contractions, ie shouldn't instead of should not, as it makes the writing seem a lot less formal. The story flows fairly well within each section, even though each section does have a different writing style.

Well done on you first chapter. You sure have a psychological thriller going on here. The story line sounds really intriguing, and Louis has a very witty and sarcastic personality and it will be cool to see how this grows.


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Review #10, by ravenclaw_princessMudblood: Mudblood

29th October 2015:
Hello. Here for BvB

I quite like 500 word stories as it's interesting to see how much can be put across in such a small number of words. You have definitely achieved it with this story.

This moment is such a pivotal point in the relationship of Lily and Severus and I like how you have portrayed it through Lily's eyes. Most people see only one side of Severus which is the pure blood elitist side, but Lily has the unique perspective of seeing what he is really like when not trying to fit in with others. But she can only defend him for so long.

I love how you have described the effect that the word has on Lily. It's interesting how much power a word can have. You can say it's only a word, it means nothing, but it's hard to do when you know the malice and hatred of those who say it. I find the loneliness part especially interesting. She came to the wizarding because she didn't fit into the muggle world, only to in that there are those who don't want her in the wizarding world either.

I like how Lily, for a fraction of a second at the end, thought of Severus as the friend she knew. But no matter what, his so called friends would never accept him fraternising with one such as Lily and so to put an end to the hurt that would undoubtedly follow, she knew it was time to end the friendship.

This is a lovely little story and it flowed really well, capturing both the events and the emotion in a very short piece. Well done.


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Review #11, by ravenclaw_princessChildren of Stardust: Children of Stardust

15th October 2015:
Hello. I'm here for Oct BvB battle.

This story is truly beautiful. Luna has always had a unique view of the world and you captured it beautifully here. I particularly liked her thoughts about sadness and how she overcomes it. She has such a positive outlook, that even in the bleakest of circumstances, she manages to shine though. In particular I loved this line

"When you find beauty in the night, the darkness loses it's power, and the shadows can't swallow you up. Not with the stars pushing them back, or the moon watching from overhead. It's when you let the clouds block that light that you feel sadness and pain."

Her thoughts about the stars were equally as beautiful. After all that death, she was still able to look up and the sky and feel the presence of the loved ones who had returned to the stars. Again, it shows the positive way she looks at life.

The theory about the more evil people in the world was good too. It wouldn't be very pleasant living in the vacuum of space.and it would be so, so cold.

The story flowed really well and while you covered many of Luna's thoughts in such a short piece, everything segued together effortlessly.

Minor typo I spotted in the last sentence - 'then she CHOSE to smile"
(and it only stuck out because it was the last sentence. I was so engrossed that if there were any others, I probably missed them.)

Once again, this is a beautiful story, I really enjoyed it and has definitely made me feel more positive :)


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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princessSpeed Dating Entry: The Moonlit Nights: Another Day's Sun

25th September 2015:
Hello. Here for you BvB review

Poor Remus. I know James and Sirius had good intentions, but unfortunately when it comes to those two, nothing ends well.

I like how the story began. You can just sense Remus thinking 'here we go again...what have Sirius and James done this time'. He seems quiet resigned to his fate, knowing that there is not much he can do when he has such a big secret to hide. Remus is exactly how I imagine him to be, calm yet direct. It just takes a small rise in the volume of his voice to tell the others to quit their games. His friends may do some silly things at times, but they do respect him.

I do feel sorry fr Remus. Leanne seems like his sort of girl, and the relationship was going at the pace and direction that he was comfortable with. James and Sirius probably wanted to give Remus a helping hand to get things progressing, but this is so out of Remus' character that it was sure to backfire. Remus was very calm and accepting of their story though. It was like he was watching the crash happen in slow motion.

Peter was well characterised. Always the first to snitch. I feel like sirius and James use him a little bit...I don't think they really ever considered Peter a fiend, he was more just someone they could get to do their dirty work and they knew that he'd do it for them because he kind of worshiped them.

Your story had me smiling at the antics of Sirius and James while at the same time feeling sorry for Remus. He doesn't seem to mind that much though. I guess he does have a lot on his mind, being a werewolf and all.

Well done. This was an enjoyable read.


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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princessThere Once Was Magic: They Don't Last Long

14th September 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

This story is hauntingly beautiful. It kind of needs a warning as it started so light hearted and then it just turned tragically sad. I got to the end and was just about a blubbering mess on the floor.

Its beautifully written and in so few words, you have shown the depth of love between the two of them. Its s difficult sort of romance, between one at school one one at college. The age difference is minimal, but the emotional growth is huge and can make people drift apart. The knew this themselves, knew there was a risk that all they had would fall apart once the summer break was over. They seemed to be of like minds though, and truly loved each other deeply to always write and keep in contact with each other and make sure things did work out.

The transition of the summer to leaving for Hogwarts was very smooth. I liked how he just melted away, it wasn't a good bye at all, he knew he would see her again soon. And Hannah could just go back into her Hogwarts way of life without necessarily putting any sort of end to the summer romance.

I felt for Hannah during her time at school. You could tell she grew up a lot during this year. She knew she was fighting a war and she probably kept details secret knowing her letters would be read and she might be punished severely.

The end was tear inducing. It shows how tragic and sudden life and death can be. One minute they're there and the next, gone forever. But she still had all her memories of the happy moments they had spent together. I think Susan summed things up well though, there was nothing more that Hannah could do for him in death, but she had been there in his life and they had shared many happy times together.

I love how the last paragraph was very similar to the first. It really helped to tie the story together and show how much things had changed.

Well done on an excellent, but very sad story. It flowed really well and had beautiful imagery. It really made me feel for the characters as I was reading it and transported into their place and time.


Author's Response: Hey Jacqui!
Thanks so much for stopping by! I'm so glad (ugh that makes me sound cruel doesn't it? That I'm glad you got sad?) that you felt such strong emotions from this story. It really means a lot since this is really my first time writing heartbreak. Maybe I should start writing angst?

I really appreciate your comments on the transitions. Transitions are something that I normally struggle with, so I'm thrilled that you thought the ones in this story fit.

Thanks again,

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Review #14, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

25th August 2015:
Wow...everything was going along all nice and fluffy like and change of pace. My head is still reeling from it all...not quite comprehending.must go back and re-read.

Ok, the shock has passed and I'm a bit more coherent ahem

Hi, here for a BvB review :)

The start had me thinking I'd missed a very crucial moment, as in, Scoprius and Rose getting together. I have even gone back just to make sure I hadn't forgotten about it in break I've had between chapters. I can understand not wanting to dwell on those first dates, but as a reader, things suddenly felt disjointed, like there was a chapter missing or something. Even just a small snippet of info here about what happened since the auror office to this moment would help to transition between the chapters. I also do hope to hear about how they got together sometime in the future, pretty pretty please :)

That aside, I did love the chemistry of them together. They don't really know what is happening between them, only that it is so natural and overwhelming that all they can think about is each other. I like how it was 'announced' to their friends, but they all knew it was inevitable anyway.

So, pajama's really need to be made with a wand sleeve :P

The introduction of Stannous was completely shocking and I never saw it coming. I mean, in her house, of all places. The whole scene was well written, it had a frantic pacing which matched in with the pace of the action. It was also quite crazy which went in with Rose's mind.

Stannous is one dark character. I can't wait to see where you take him. It was nice to get some back story here into what happened to Rose.

I really felt for Rose. She was so happy at the start of the chapter, then in an instant, all that fear and anxiety returned to her. He paralyses her, which is why all she can say is 'No', as her mind shuts down in fear. I think you've done a great job at bring all off Rose's emotional trauma right back up to the surface.

Awesome job on this chapter.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much for picking this story for BvB! I'm so glad you're really into the characters.

You're not the first reviewer to comment on the sort of 'skip over' Rose and Scorpius's initial dates. I'll probably go back and take a look at that, but I wanted to explain a little of the reason why I did it. I really wanted everything to "seem" like it was going great for the pair. The first dates and really starting to fall for each other and all the romance and such. But Rose isn't being completely honest with Scorpius, here. She hasn't told him the truth about her torture and I kind of wanted to show that in order for them to move forward, he needs to know about her past.

Enter Stannous. (mwah, mwah, mwah!!)

Thanks so much for your comments about the scene! Writing action and fast paced wizard fights is a challenge, and I'm never sure if I get it right, so I really appreciate your vote of confidence.

Thanks again! I can't wait to find out what you think about the other chapters.

♥ Beth

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Review #15, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

24th August 2015:
Hi. Here for BvB

This was a short little chapter but a very sweet one. I liked the insight into the relationship between Harry and Rose. They sure are a close knit family. But more than that, they're also friends.

I love how Rose commanded Al to come back so she could heal him. You could show both her strong, no nonsense attitude as well as her very caring nature. She's also quite observant, nothing slips under her radar.

Everyone knows that Scorp and Rose like each other. They know it too. They rely on their friendship so much though that I imagine both of them are slightly fearful that if it doesn't work out, they will lose what the currently have.

Author's Response: Oh! Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you came back to this story. This chapter was a bit of reprieve from all the craziness that's been going on.

Haha - yes! Scorp and Rose's feelings for each other are obvious to everyone - they need to get over themselves already!

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #16, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

11th August 2015:
Hey. Here for the BvB

Its been a while, but I'm back to continue reading your story which I was really enjoying. I love your writing style, it's very fluid and seamless making it very easy to read. The details and history of, in this case, the auror training programme, fit well into the overall narrative, so it doesn't make you feel like you're suddenly be given a history lesson. The details were enough to create a rich atmosphere to the world in which Al and Scorpius now belong.

I especially love S.N.A.K.E.S...very clever :)

The emotional turmoil of Al was well showcased here. It is hard to follow in the footsteps of your father, especially one as accomplished as Harry. His behaviour is a little juvenile, but is has probably been an issue that Al has always had to deal with growing up and manifests itself as it always had. He was quite hot tempered, that's for sure, showing that he bottles up a lot f his emotions.

I liked how Scoprius defused the situation. It was really clever. He's good at reading people and also quite crafty to come up with such an ingenious solution.

Great chapter. I look forward to reading more (and also seeing what 'very important thing' Scorpius makes up...I'm not quite sure that he's going to be able to tell Rose the truth just yet.)

Author's Response: Hiya!

Thank you so much for coming back to my story. I'm so happy you like it! And I'm so excited about this review because you really seem to pick up on all the little points I was trying to make with this chapter.

For example, you've got Albus down to a tee - he *is* a tiny bit immature and hurting because he really wants to be an amazing Auror, but how do you do that when your dad is Harry Potter?

And yes! Scorpius is the more level headed of the group, but he's a bit outside of the Harry/Albus situation, so he can read it better. (Hee hee - I was pretty proud of the S.N.A.K.E.s thing... ;)

I can't wait to find out what you think of the next few chapters!

♥ Beth

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Review #17, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Nine

6th August 2015:
I love how you don't sugercoat the darkness of this story. You really show the cruelty and the effect on the human spirit. There is a nice parallel between the torture of Alecto and the imprisonment of Imogen. While the nature of the 'torture' is different, the effect is still the same, breaking down the human spirit until the don't really know who they are any more.

I'm interested to hear what Hermione's plan is. I know she will come through for Imogen, she has to really, she is the only chance Hermione has to save herself.

Well done on another great chapter.

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Review #18, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Eight

27th February 2015:
Hi Hori. I'm back again :) I'm so glad I picked up your review request because I'm really enjoying this story. There is so much depth to it, in both plot and characters and I'm completely invested in this story now.

The events of the interrogation room seemed like a very accurate portrayal of how law enforcement can see evidence and read it only one way, just because of the background of the accused. They don't even want to entertain the thought of Imogens story being the truth, because that would also be to admit a mucch darker threat. Imogen's reaction and behaviour over the death of Anton though is not how a killer would behave. Her emotions were just too raw.

Hermione and Imogen's interaction though was in stark contrast. I like how even Hermione doesn't trust what is happening and needs to cast the charms. The trust they share mean that Imogen is so much more willing to open up with details she wouldn't tell the aurors.

I love how all the tattoo's work and how there are new surprises all the time. I concur with Hermione, I would love to know all the things she can do with them.

Once again, awesome chapter. This story is very engaging and the is never a dull patch.

Author's Response: I'm glad you're still enjoying the story so much! I know I'm probably testing the patience of more than a few readers by having these long chapters where little more than talking is accomplished, but I enjoy writing that way, and I'm happy at least one person likes reading it. :)

I've more or less completely fallen in love with any scene in which Imogen and Hermione get to spend time alone figuring each other out, so don't be surprised when there are more in the future!

Thanks again for taking the time!

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Review #19, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Seven

17th February 2015:
You surely ramped things up in this chapter. It was a long read, but definitely well worth it. There were no dull spots in your writing and there is always a great amount of backstory, coupled with character exposition as well as the current action.

Imogen's growing apprehension really was well shown in each aspect of this chapter from, her initial walk, to reaching Knocturn Alley, and then to going through her fathers stuff. You could clearly see she was on edge, which made me as a reader become on edge as well. I loved the descriptions of her fathers stuff, especially the death eaters robes and her feelings towards them. Its funny how an innocuous item can make you feel so uneasy. When she dropped the diary on the bed, I knew something was going to go wrong...but atleast she has the picture,

Anton was such a cool little ccharacter, and its such a shame he had to have his young life cut short in such a way. It seems like he is ignored a bit by his parents, to be walking around at night like he is. And to try and sneak into Imogens place...that would have freaked me out to if I'd been in her shoes.

The ending sure did get exciting.and very mystery and creepy with this shadowy figure which gave me chills. The ending was so sad and I could feel all of Imogens pain. You are very good at writing these heart wrenching scenes as you don't shy away from breaking your characters down and really letting their heartfelt emotions shine through. I liked how broken and singled focussed Imogen become and that all that mattered was Anton and protecting him.

I wasn't quite expecting the ending. That definitely gave me pause and has left me wanting to know more. This is definitely one good read. more thing. I love what the tattoos can do. While a definitely curse to her, they sure have some power behind them and a power that no one is familiar with giving her a bit of an advantage at times.

Author's Response: I'm thrilled to hear that you didn't think this chapter dragged on in any places. I had considered breaking this very long segment into two chapters, but there was no obvious point where I thought it would make sense to put in a chapter break.

I always like an opportunity to paint a person's history with the objects they collect over time, so it was fun to fill Blakeney's chest with strange or obscure items. It's a shame that Imogen will probably never discern the mystery of them, but I still liked describing his odd collection.

I liked Anton as well, and as I said to another reviewer, the decision to end his part in the story took me by surprise as I was writing it. He is indeed a bit neglected, and his gravitation towards Imogen as a surrogate parental figure is part of the tragedy of his life cut short.

I'm glad you liked the ending! From this point on, it's looking like many of the chapters will be ending in similar cliffhangers, so hold on to your hat! Thank you for your review!

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Review #20, by ravenclaw_princessThe Man With the Twisted Face: Prologue

16th February 2015:
Hello, here for you BvB review. I picked this one as it had the least number of reviews to date.

Hehe.he met a girl...that made me giggle. Girls always bring trouble :P

I love childhood Antonin. He showed the typical honest characteristics of a child and he didn't judge those he didn't know. But could also sense that something wasn't quite right about this man his parents worshipped, making him fear him.

It's a refreshing take on the other side of the war. There are two sides to any revolution and the Dolohov's believed that they would create a better world out of it. New ideas can sometimes take time to grow, and it was interesting to see how they used their children, instilling the ideas of supremacy into them at a young age, to ensure that what they begin will continue into the next generation.

This is a great summary that's set up the world in which Antonin is born and the relationship he has with his parents. I liked how you described hi birth in the storm and the high hopes his parents had for him, only to be left disappointed and probably a bit bewildered too. They love him and would do anything for him, but you can also sense the fear of the Dark Lord and I wonder what they would ultimately choose, their son, death or exile. I have a feeling though they wont be forced to make that choice.

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Review #21, by ravenclaw_princessThe Family Job: The Opening Job

14th February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review.

This is an interesting concept for a story. I'm sure children of the wizarding world can just as easily fall through the cracks of society as they can in our world. In some cases, maybe even more so, especially if their parents are muggle and then freak out a bit on discovering their child is a wizard or witch. While most foster parents you hope have the interest of the child at heart, I'm sure there are still way to many who use it as a way to get additional cash and treat the poor children as their slaves to use and abuse. It must be a horrible situation to be in.

I like Teddy here, his is quite the philanthropist and trying to help out someone as much as he can, even if it means does mean he has to skirt around the rules. He knows he's asking a lot, but also knows that this poor kid will be left behind in the system if he does nothing. He's in this job because he really cares about the kids, not just for the money (though I guess there wouldn't be a lot of that either). I guess he feels a bit of kinship to the foster kids, being an orphan himself. Thankfully though, he had a lot of friends to raise him like he was their own.

It's cool to see him bring in all the cousins to help...except for James. I'm sure he has a reason and I'm sure it will come out in due course. It just shows what a tight knit family they all are and how they will all join in to help each other.

The story flowed well and the dialogue was believable with lots of banter. It was definitely a goo start to the story and I'm interested to see how the plot plays out. Well done.

Author's Response: Hi!

The topic actually came after choosing the characters. I needed a reason for Teddy to want to start something like this and since he was an orphan, I figured he'd have a pretty strong connection to kids like that who never got the chance to be adopted into a family as wonderful as his. I just really hope I'm able to portray everything accurately.

I've never actually written Teddy before since he has been so established as a character for most of the fandom, but there really wasn't any other character (except for an OC) that I felt could really make all of what I wanted to do come together. I'm so happy that he came across the way I wanted him to, I was pretty nervous about that.

The whole team sprung out of a conversation my friend and I were having about who would be what from the Leverage team. I'm just really excited to explore dynamics between these characters that I typically don't when I usually write Next Gen.

I'm so glad you liked the story so far! Thank you for stopping by and reviewing!


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Review #22, by ravenclaw_princessChoreographed Affair: Choreographed Affair

3rd February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

I don't read alot of Founders era pieces, but I really do enjoy them when I give them a go. I like being transported back in time to a different era and you definitely took me there. The language, the etiquette, the surrounds, it all fitted in so well with the period.

I felt quite sad for Helena here. She doesn't quite seem to fit in anywhere. She loves someone she can't be with and is betrothed to someone she doesn't like. Its a pretty horrible situation to be in, especially knowing the knowledge the Diadem gave her; it would be hard to enter a marriage, knowing you will never be happy.

The flow of this story worked really and I liked how the first segment linked back to the last. Each segment showed a special moment of the growing love between Helena and Godric and was a great way of showing the passing of time.

It was pretty sad ending for poor Helena. To think she was about to marry that man.

I really enjoyed this and I'll definitely have to read the companion piece.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Ooh, I'm so happy you picked this story! It is my first (and only) Fournders fic so I'm really proud that the etiquitte and language felt genuine. :D I had a lot of help from my writing partner on this.

Helena really doesn't have a fair shake at things here - she's not a student and not a teacher either - plus her betrothal. I definitely feel like the Diadem woudl be a difficult tool to use with the logical outcomes not always being what people want to experience.

Thank you so much for a lovely review! I hope you enjoyed the companion piece! :D


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Review #23, by ravenclaw_princessBlood Red Petals: Chapter One

2nd February 2015:
Hello, here for the review swap.

I love the title. Rose petals are usually seen as nice pretty things, but describing them as blood red gives a more sinister edge to them...and boy is there a sinister edge.

I haven't read The Wild Rose so I came into this fresh. I'm quite interested to read it now though in light off this dark prequel *shiver*

Its quite chilling to think what must be going on in Scorpius' head to do the things he has. His love/infatuation with Rose must be so intense to unhinge him to such a degree that he goes searching for 'her' only to kill the poor red heads when he finds that they aren't Rose. And worst of all, he has no regret about it either. Very very creepy. He's also very calculating and is also still in control of his mind to know that he has to go back to the bar to obliterate the bartenders memory.

The use of first person really took us into Scorpius' messed up head and it worked well. I also like the use of Roses and the description of the colour of red that you used throughout the story.

You're correct that a beta reader is needed, but with the exception of these occasional errors, the story itself flowed very well and gave me chills as I was reading. Awesome work.

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, it is a different description of them than usual, which is why I chose those words for the title (I actually had no idea what to call this story when I finished writing the chapter).

The Wild Rose is quite different than this, though it's still dark in some ways. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as you enjoyed this.

We rarely see Scorpius like this, and I kind of like writing him so dark and scary. He truly wants to find her, yet knows that he has to play it low, that is truly calculating.

Hehe, I knew it! So I got it beta-read after I read your comment, so I hope all is well now :)

Thank you so much for your review!

- Avi

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Review #24, by ravenclaw_princessTurning Page: Numb

2nd February 2015:
Hello. Here for you BvB review

I liked your take on Draco in this story. Your portrayal of his depression and anxiety post war seemed quite realistic. He went through a very traumatic experience and was forced to do things that I don't think he would have done given the choice. But, he didn't have a choice, if was follow Voldemort of die (and probably in quite a horrific way, knowing him).

His fear for what would happen after the war cme through very strongly, and even though he didn't end up in Azkaban, he is still in his own prison. His life is no where near easy for him, and he struggles through each day and the hate that people have towards him. It's no wonder he has turned to the Draught of Peace to take the edge off the days, but it is one of those things, that once started, can easily turn to a dependance/addiction. He is showing all the signs of this. He knows the risks, thinks he's in control of it, but is quite obviously not.

I like Astoria, she comes across as empathetic, but also as a voice of reason, and I hope he listens to her. I doubt right away, but hopefully eventually. I also like how they parted, he knows she speaks the truth, that he isn't 'fine', but doesn't want to admit it yet.

The repetition of the phrase 'Shoulders back, head up. Look past all of them. Dont betray anything' was a strong literary technique as it really gets into Draco's head space and shows how insecure and troubled he is.

The story flowed really well and there was nice imagery and emotion that drew my right into Draco's state of mind. Well done.

Author's Response: Hi! :)

I'm so happy you liked his characterization. I worry about how he comes across the most so that means a lot!

I'm glad you like Astoria too, I've had a clear idea in my head for a long time about what she's like, I'm very fond of her.

Ah yes that part was important, I'm happy that came across!

Thank you so much! And thanks for the awesome review! :)

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Review #25, by ravenclaw_princesskisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

2nd February 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

This was quite an interesting read. Its very abstract and non linear, and while initially slightly chaotic and confusing, there is a method behind the chaos, and by the end, everything made sense. And then you want to re-read it again just to see how everything fits into place.

What struck me with this piece is discerning what is 'real' and what is the imaginary, so to speak. Once I got to the end, it kind of felt like I was seeing Bernie's disconnected thoughts which have been all messed around by the Dementors...she's trying to find those hapy thoughts, but as soon as she does, the horrors overtake her again, turning her world into blood and death. However you intended it though, its clear to see what happened to Bernie and Evvie and how their world was destroyed.

I don't believe Bernie killed, her, I believe she was framed. She may say I never meant to hurt you, but I think this is because she blames herself for her death, its her love for her which killed her.

The story flows well in its own disconnected way. There did seem to be a few run on sentences and a few odd words here and there so another read through or a beta reader could be good just to sort these minor things out.

I really applaud you for this piece. I imagine that writing something intentionally non-linear and having it all make perfect sense to a reader is quite a challenge and I think you've one a beautiful job.

Author's Response: Hello!!

Thank you for a wonderful review on this - I'm very glad it was at least interesting and thought provoking. There's a weird sense of non-reality with this that I'm so glad actually got through (past my brain and onto the page). You really nailed the cause of her chaotic thoughts - the dementors are making her relive hell when she's trying to recall happiness.

I'm not telling people what exactly happened to Evvie (or Bernie with the Death Eaters) but it's really fun for me to read what peole think happened.

Thank you so much!


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