Reading Reviews From Member: ravenclaw_princess
658 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

23rd January 2015:
Hello, I'm back again.

Kitchen accident...we all know that's not the case. Scorpius was very robotic through this section showing his overwhelmed and disbelieving state of mind. I feel there were tiny hints of skepticism within Scorpius, but he's too dazed yet to notice them. His reaction and beahavious seems quiet realistic. HE's trying to hold it together, but when the flood gates open, boy do they open.

I love Rose. She's beautifully characterised. She has a lovely spark, a very caring heart but also a lot of spunk. She's a girl who knows her mind. I loved this line of hers “Now, if you would excuse me, I have to use the loo - unless, of course, you want to follow me in there and accuse me of doing something untoward with the toilet.”

The love between Scorpius and Rose came through in this chapter, although neither of them see it yet. It was so sad how Rose was crying and then she started Scorpius crying.

Lovely chapter. I'm looking forward to reading on :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Gosh - this review was such a nice surprise. Thanks so much.

You saw right through the kitchen accident - keep that tucked away for later :)

I'm a little in love with Rose too and I was glad that I had a chance to write the flashback so readers could see her true nature, because at this point in the story, she's not really up to being herself.

Haha - you found my favorite line!! I seriously laughed so hard when I wrote that (and I'm embarrassing myself by admitting it right now - haha).

Yes - neither of them see their feelings for each other yet, but most of the others do! They're so clueless!

Thanks again - this review was awesome!

♥ Beth

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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princessPlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

22nd January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

Well done on a great chapter. I was completely drawn into the surrounding and the characters and it kind of felt like I was there, watching the action unfold.

The first few paragraphs were brilliant for hooking me in. The imagery of the setting was very captivating and created such a rich world. I really felt like I was in Vegas. You really created the air of temptation and devilry with the language yu used and the small details you added, such as the tight sequined dress.

The use of first person gave this chapter a real sense of mystery. While I have my suspicions of who the girl is, we end this chapter with very little details about her or her background. Playing a pool shark in a casino and waging unsuspecting men out of lots of cash is hardly the 'profession' someone dreams to be in (I do assume here a little), so it will be interesting to learn more about her and how she ended up on this path. I'm not sure exactly what sort of arrangement she's in with Freddy Weasley but it does sound a little unsavoury.

I loved the interactions between the two characters as they played pool. I think you tapped into the gambling mindset quite well and how it was so easy for him to overlook the signs of a ploy and just want to try once more to get the big win.

I loved the language you've used. There are lots of wonderful descriptions that create a very rich setting that is so easy to picture. This is a great first chapter and I'll definitely be back to read more.


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Review #3, by ravenclaw_princessPrompt One: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds

17th January 2015:
Hello. Here for the BvB review battle.

I love Oliver Wood, so when I saw this story, I just had to read it. I like your portrayal of him. Oliver can be portrayed as 'the perfect athlete' but you've given him realistic flaws which are canon with the books. He was very competitive at Hogwarts and its very realistic to see this manifest as anger when things start to go wrong. Especially when he's out with an injury and his team is losing.

The story flowed quite well. At first, it was all a bit of a mystery, with where he was and who he was with, and then why was he with them...what had he done to need good publicity. All the answers were revealed at a nice pace and they came together nicely.

I liked the interaction and the description surrounding Junie. For such a small piece, you gave her so much vibrancy and she really came alive. The details about her appearance, the way she talked and her perfume fitted so well together, as did the way that Oliver interacted with her.

I liked how the anger that was simmering in Oliver dissipated in the end when he saw the Snigets. They sound like the cutest little things.

Great story, I really enjoyed it. There was lovely description, nice pace and flow and I didn't see any issues with grammar. Awesome work.


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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princessSubjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

12th January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review.

This is such a great story. I love stories that delve deeper in the magical world to try and understand magic at its fundamental level and how it got to where it is today. The introductory paragraph was really good and had me totally hooked. It set a very nice tone to the piece and makes you question what happened to make things as they are.

I really liked Winifred. She comes across as wise and very inquisitive. She's trying to make sense of the world around her by understanding as much as she can. She holds no prejudices between the races and seems to want to know about everything so they can use each of their strengths to make the world better.

Hywel initially comes across as a great friend, but as the story proceeds, his dark side starts to creep in. He seems to be holding some deep resentment and hurt from the events of the past. It got me worried when he was talking about 'striking first' if you think it necessary. This can never end well.

This story wasn't bogged down in metaphors or imagery and I think this created a very nice tone for the story. The dialogue and the characterisations came through stronger this way. The way it was written kind of reminded me of reading old legends and myths, that tell of how things came to be.

This story is quite imaginative and I look forward to reading the second part to see what happens. The world here is definitely not what it is like in the books so I'm keen to see you take on how the magical world came to be as it is today. I'm also interested to see what becomes of the elves.

Well done.

Author's Response: Hello!!

Oh thank you so much for this review. I was in a challenge to write about house elves and the only interesting thing I came up with was an origin story. When I wrote the intro paragraph I felt the story that followed would just fall into place. I"m glad it pulled you in. ^_^

Winifred is very inquisitive which was fun to write. I wish there were more beings like her in general. Hywel has a dark side that does slowly come out. I feel like he would have turned out differently in other circumstances but alas, he didn't. The striking first thing will be a theme later. :-/

I've never been sure if I let the story go with too few descriptions. I can't get over hearing that this sounds a bit mythological. That's not a type of writing I thought I could emmulate.

I will have a second part to this up in the next few months - I made an outline for it the other day. I hope you'll like it!

Thank you for the awesome review!


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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princessDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

11th January 2015:

I really like this story. I don't read a lot of marauders era but I did find myself quite liking this one. It was the summary that really intrigued me and I'll definitely have a listen to the song :)

I can see this story happening prior to Lily and James getting together. The relationship was carried out in secret and I doubt either of them would want it to get out for various reasons. There was also a lot left unsaid, which while it would be nice to know more, it meant the story was bogged down with backstory. ie...was Lily always harbouring a crush for Sirius and did Sirius have some other motivations for going for Lily rather than just liking her.

I like the sue of 2nd person because it's not something you see a lot of. The use of 2nd person seems to draw me into the story more and makes me see everything from the characters eyes. I likes the characterisation of Sirius. There were little allusions to some well masked issues. He seemed to like he wasn't good enough for anyone and he also seemed to be searching for something, hoping to find it in Lily, but even she couldn't help him :( I wonder if his player/badboy ways is just a facade.

I liked Lily too. Normally she can be a bit of a goody goody, but I liked how she was the one who seemed to drive things forward and how she could let her hair down and joke and goof around.

This was a nice little piece, and while I feel sad for Lily who had her heart broken, I find myself feeling sorrier for Sirius who seems so lost and unsure of himself. The story was also really well written and flowed nicely. Lovely job.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!!

Ooh, I'm glad I got you to read a Marauders era story as you don't really do them a lot. Yay for summaries. :D I hope you enjoy the song - it's by one of my favorite bands.

Well, when I decided to write about them I didn't want to make it a cheating story because that just never feels right to me. I thought they'd have a shot at something brief before James and Lily were a thing. That gave me a rather narrow timespan to make them real. This is definitely a mutually beneficial secret. Sirius would hate owning up to James and Lily, well, she wouldn't want to be one of the mass idiots. I do have a novel for camp nano that touches on relationships during the first war. So, the perspectives would change but you'd see a lot more of the world surrounding this.

Second person was scary for me when I set out to write this. Once I got into the story it became a bit more manageble - but I'm really glad it helped draw you into the story. Yes! the behind hte scenes issues with Sirius - I'm glad you caught that as I didn't want to go on about it in the story but I had to make it there, even if it's just a subtle nod to stuff not being right for him. I will say that you're quite perceptive with your interpretation of Sirius.

Breaking Lily out of the good girl mold was pretty liberating. She's that girl who people always think of as straight-laced but wants to be a bit edgier.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and i'm very very happy you enjoyed it!

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Review #6, by ravenclaw_princessThe Brothers Three: Introduction

9th January 2015:
Hello. Here for your BvB review

I'm not sure what I was expecting but I have to say I was blown away. I love love loved the first part apart Death. She was so cool (and I must say it was cool to see Death as a women because I usually see Death depicted as a man). I love the personification of all the sins and how you wove them into the people of society. Each was so beautifully described with lovely imagery. And Death sits watching.this is such a great way to end the section. It gives this sense of impending disaster and suspense and you known that Death will step in, but you're not quite sure when.

The introduction of the Peverall brothers was very well done. The sins that they are guilty of clearly came across in your writing through their actions and interactions with each other. The whole section flowed naturally through each introduction as well. Cadmus's response regarding Ignotus' birth was so nasty. Ignotus did well to bite back a response.

I feel sorry for Cadmus, to lose his wife and children, but to wish death on his brothers wife isn't very nice.

It will be interesting to see where things go with this story. Its been really well written, and while I noticed a couple of minor typo's over all, it read and flowed really nicely. Good good and I'll be back to read the next chapter.

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Review #7, by ravenclaw_princessRiddikulus: Riddikulus

7th January 2015:
Hello. Here for the BvB review battle

I really like this story and I felt so sad for McGonagall. It must be hard to go back to school after so many of her students had died in the battle. The Boggart's depiction seemed very realistic and I imagine that McGonagall will feel like she failed them and was unable to protect them like she should have. But she did try to save them, unfortunately, many defied her and wanted to fight.

I liked the depiction of each character in their ghostly state and you got their voices to sound very real and accusing, breaking poor McGonagall down. Defeating a boggart does not sound like a very fun thing to do.

I like that it was Winky that came to help McGonagall. She was so moppy through a lot of the books, so it was nice to see how she has moved forward and now loves Hogwarts and it's inhabitants.

Lovely story, well done :)

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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Six

31st December 2014:
This has been one of my favourite chapters to date. The second half got really intense. You never skimp on the details and that's what I've really enjoyed whilst reading through so far. Starting this chapter talking about Crookshanks created a really warm opening to the Chapter and gave Crookshanks a character as well as add a bit of foreshadowing/insight on the role he played later on. When Crookshanks was distressed later in the chapter, I had a feeling that something was amiss and this feeling was partly created due to focusing on him at the beginning (I did have other thoughts and I'm very glad to see that none of these thoughts came true and Crookshanks is very much still ok.)

I loved the second half of the chapter from about where Crookshanks was startled. The intensity magnified ten fold. The descriptions were magnificent, especially regarding the pain that coursed through Hermione. And then the ending, with her hand...I knew it was bad and I love the suspense you created by her not looking at it for a while.

Great chapter, I loved it :) And now Ron and Harry are involved too. There is no way that Harry is going to disappear now.

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Review #9, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Five

29th December 2014:
Hello. I'm back at last.

This was an enjoyable chapter. I felt like I learnt a lot more about Imogen and the curse (poor girl, it sounds dreadful) and there was nice interaction between her and Hermione. You can tell that Imogen hasn't opened up to many people in her life, but it also sounds like people either avoided her or she avoided them. She seems taken aback that Hermione is actually trying to gain a deeper understanding of her than what first impressions can give.

Carrow and Blatt sound like very bad news...well Carrow definitely is, Blatt doesn't seem too cunning. I was pretty glad the stranger didn't return because he is horrifying. I haven't gotten over the last time we saw him yet.

All in all, very a good chapter. It reads really well with lots of imagery, nice flow, and no grammatical or spelling errors that I've noticed.

Well done.

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Review #10, by ravenclaw_princessWhen It Matters: When It Matters

24th December 2014:
Hi, here for the Christmas Gift swap.

This is seriously the sweetest piece of cute fluff I've read in a long time. Absolutely perfect for Christmas Eve night.

I've read Two: The Perfect Blend, so I really enjoyed seeing this moment of their lives together. the writing is beautiful and I was totally transported to Hogwarts. I'm so jealous of the snow at Hogwarts. You made it sound so wonderful there, just like the picture perfect Christmas scene.

The enchanted mistletoe was brilliant. It gave me a few chuckles, poor Al, having all the the girls chase him.

I loved Scoprius, he was so super sweet, and he had the best lines that would make any girls heart melt. Lie this... "Your hair, it makes you stand out in any crowd. And in the snow especially, you're a beacon of color against that backdrop of white"...I mean, how can a girl decline after a line like that. I loved his nervousness. He was taking such a chance and I can so see why he left it til that day to say something. After than moment, there was no going back, he was either going to become very happy or else risk a friendship.

The gift giving was sweet and I liked Scoprius' confusion when Rose didn't say yes right away, even though she was bursting with happiness inside. Actually, everything was sweet and well written, from the asking Rose out, to the banter between friends to the descriptions of the scenery.

This is an lovely little story and I really enjoyed it :)


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Review #11, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

23rd December 2014:
*sob* I'm not sure it this was the best thing to read first thing on Christmas Eve morning :(

Once again, a very powerful chapter. It made me so sad for Scoprius. Its obvious that Rose has had something horrible happen to her in her life, but I wasn't expecting Scorpius to have such a sad back story as well.

He seems more in control than Rose, but more may come out in the next chapter. You can tell he is still hurting deep inside, but he seems to want to bury his pain away, rather than face it. As well as showing the terrible events of his past, it also gave an insight into Draco's relationship with his parents. I liked how close he seemed with his Mom, and while Draco was a bit stricter, he did allow him to go to the Potter's place so there was a heart in their somewhere.

I suspect foul play was involved, from when his mother said 'it's not sa...' Could this be safe maybe. I think they they new something, which casts even greater mystery into the events. Scopius' reaction to the scene and how his body reacted was so powerfully written and I was completely transported into his numb body and shocked mind.

Scopius was very sweet at the beginning when he was thinking back to Rose's touch and having her in his room. I wonder how long he's been pining for her. And he kept her t-short. So cute.

Thinking back to the start of the chapter has made me feel happier again :)

Beautiful chapter. I'm loving this story.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Oops! Sorry you had to read this on Christmas Even morning :( This one is a rough one. The next one is the rest of Scorpius's flashback, but it is a little lighter than this one.

Eep! You found my clues! Again!

Thanks again - I absolutely love your reviews.

♥ Beth

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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

23rd December 2014:
This is such an awesome chapter. There was just so much happening.

I'll start with Rose. She is characterised so well. She's got a lot of fear in her. She masks it so well to everyone else and she's developed her own coping mechanisms to deal with it. I loved the change in her within this chapter. She let her guard down when chatting and joking with Scorpius but then, when that stranger grabbed her, her whole demeanor changed, to one of panic, isolation, and embarrassment.

I loved the scene at the end and how you injected some humour into a very tense situation. I loved Scopius when he said “Can we discuss this in, say, five minutes?” Scorpius’s temper flared again. The group just stood there, looking dumbfounded at the two of us. “As in… get the hell out of here so Rose can put a goddamn shirt on!” It made me chuckle :)

It was also a very sweet moment between Rose and Scopius at the end. It was a very personal moment between them, and showed a deep connection which I don't think either of them realises exists at the moment. I can't wait to see something develop (hopefully).

And then there was the icky guy at the party. I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of him.

Awesome chapter

Author's Response: Hi Jacqui!

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this awesome amazing review. I'm just so excited because I feel like you picked up on every little detail and emotion I tried to put in this chapter.

You really caught on to Rose's dealing with the trauma. She is so wrapped up in the middle of it, she doesn't even realize it.

And yes! Rose and Scorpius do have a deeper connection and they are both completely oblivious! I can't even tell you how excited I was to read this!

haha - good intuition with the icky guy!

♥ Beth

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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princessEternity: Eternity

14th December 2014:
Hello, here for your BvB review

This was a nice piece of writing and I really enjoyed it. I liked the poetic nature of the writing, with the short and clipped sentences. Sometimes only one word is needed to convey so much emotion.

I liked how it slowly unraveled to show who was the poor soul was, living for eternity. It must be a pretty boring life for the portraits. While the new students may find them interesting at first, it wouldn't take very long for the portraits to just be another piece of furniture which is basically ignored. They see snap shots of peoples lives, the few events that happen right in front of them, but otherwise, they live a pretty solitary existence.

You conveyed a lot of emotion in the piece and the desperation of the portrait steadily increased through to the end of the story. I also liked the use of repetition from the start to the end. It was very powerful.

Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I'm really happy you enjoyed it. It's a bit of an unusual premise and the writing's strange, so it means a lot that you liked it.

Taking time out of your day to review this really means a lot, thank you!

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Review #14, by ravenclaw_princessOne, Two, Three, Open: One, Two, Three, Open

11th December 2014:
Hello, here for your BvB review

I really enjoyed this. It was quite an interesting take on what Draco experienced during that time. I've always seen this part of Draco's life as a pivotal point where he realise exactly what being a Death Eater is all about, and I think he realises its not actually what he wants. But now so deep into it, its either do as instructed or die.

I like how in the end, he was trying to protect Dumbledore, I guess that's because I want to believe that Draco wasn't a bad person, he was just caught up in a very very bad crowd. You touched on his deposition, but sometimes I did find myself wanting just a little more insight into his troubled mind and conflicting emotions, ie, why he sympathised with Remus. Also, in the last part, I wanted to know a little bit more about what was going through his head as he was turning the tables on the death eaters.

I loved the mention of the Advanced potion book and the memories it evoked. I didn't make a connection the first time it was mention, only when Draco picked it up did I realise whose book it was. There were also lovely descriptions about the trip in the vanishing cabinet, Draco's antics and borgin and burkes and his memories.

Well done on this story. It was really fun to read and you've taken the bits we know from the book and filled in the the missing details really well.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you enjoyed this. I found it very hard to write; I fought this (and my muse) for about a week or so. It was also a challenge entry (as the summary says) so I was trying to finish it as quickly as possible. If I hadn't felt rushed by the deadline I definitely would've explored Draco's feelings more in-depth than I did.

I think that Draco wasn't a bad person, he was just raised by Lucius to be a Death Eater, and Narcissa, being a Black, didn't exactly show him any other options. Having probably spent his entire life being told pureblood propaganda, he wouldn't know anything else. That's why I like fics where post-war Draco has changed.

Including the Advanced Potion-Making book was a random idea, as was the vanishing cabinet. I thought that since Harry hid the book in the Room of Hidden Things, Draco might have found it when he was trying to work in there.


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Review #15, by ravenclaw_princessNever Looking Back : II

10th December 2014:
Hi, here for you BvB review

Oo Scoprius has some serious issues. He definitely isn't being too kind to Lily right now, but I feel he is using her more of an outlet for his personal frustrations about his life, rather than anything she has done. He probably does see her as having a perfect life compared to him and he wants to bring her down a peg or two. How little he knows.

There were a few spelling errors in here, in words such as your instead of you're or accept instead of except, little things that spell check probably wont pick up on.

I found the change from lunch to the common room quite abrupt and it took me a few sentences to pick up on where they were. You'll be able to smooth this out a bit by adding something to the first sentence which says where they are, and maybe why they're bored. Don't be afraid to add details like this as it creates a richer picture of the setting for the reading.

I'm loving your characterisation of Lily and Scorpius and I'm looking forward to seeing it develop further. Their dialogue at the end was nicely writing and I could really sense their emotions.

Well done

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Review #16, by ravenclaw_princessActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

9th December 2014:
Hello, here for your BvB review

I really feel for Rose. Poor thing. It sounds like she's been through some traumatic experience and is bottling it all up inside. While I'm really interested to see what happened to her, at the same time, I don't want to know what someone has done to break her so much.

You captured well the panic attacks that Rose is suffering since her traumatic experience. It was quite clear that she is broken and only managing to get by, by throwing herself into routine and 'normal' life. I loved the repetition of 'get up, wash, get dressed, class, rounds, study'. It shows her mindset quite clearly. She has to focus on something, because if she lets her mind rest, she starts to go to terrible places.

I liked the little bit of humour put into the end of the chapter, with the sorting hat. There is also a nice flow between the back story of Hogwarts with the events of the current day. Its also cool to see they were all sorted into Ravenclaw (which is different to what you usually see), and goes well with them all being top of the class.

Well done on your first chapter of this story. It sets up the beginning of what sounds like a great story.


Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh, I'm just so excited you decided to try out this story. It is the one I've worked the hardest on - and I'm so glad you like the first chapter.

You've hit it spot on - at this point in the story, she is trying to keep her PTSD and the after effects a secret, but she's so traumatized that she doesn't even know how deep she's gotten. Poor thing!

I'm glad you found the description of the panic attacks realistic. That was really important to me. I didn't want to play them off as overly dramatic or just a story point. Panic attacks are very real things and dealing with them (and their reasons) is an important step to recovery.

Thanks again - I hope you come back to read more!!

♥ Beth

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Review #17, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Four

8th December 2014:
The first segment of this chapter is just bone chilling. The stranger is just terrifying. I'm not quite sure what he is, he definitely has similar characteristics to a dementor but is corporeal and I really hope i don't meet him on a dark night. The descriptions were brilliant but horrible at the same time, so I found myself reading it really fast so it didn't give me nightmares. It was interesting seeing it all from Carrow's perspective and I really felt her fear.

I loved the second part of the chapter also. The mystery deepens even further. I liked all the details about tattooing and you obviously gave it a lot of thought. the old hag is awesome too.

I love Imogen, and her emotions at the end was so raw. I so can't wait to find out about this curse that keeps being eluded too. I'm sure it will help to explain some of her anger towards her father.

Love it, well done.

Author's Response: The Stranger... Yes, he's one of the more horrible beings I've envisioned, in ways far beyond what you've read so far. It is somewhat difficult to conjure up a villain in the HP universe that isn't a slightly altered version of Voldemort, so I hope I haven't made that error. I thought making him more physically horrific and violent was a good start. Hope you didn't catch those nightmares!

If you like the red haired hag, the one-shot in my catalogue is actually her origin story. Check it out if you like. :)

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Review #18, by ravenclaw_princessNever Looking Back : I

7th December 2014:
Hi, here for the BvB review.

You've done really well in capturing Lily's angst. She's got a lot of spirit and definitely trying to run her life her way, despite the disapproval she knows she'll get from her parents and Albus. Her conflict with her parents is very believable and well written.

I haven't read a lot of stories that characterises Scorpius in a similar way to Draco. It's kind of refreshing to see him carrying on the 'Malfoy' tradition so to say. I do wonder whats going through his mind though, there is surely a reason he's wandering the grounds alone at night and it will be interesting to see what it is.

The story flows pretty well and I liked the interaction between all the friends. There were a number of small typo's though, so you may want to give this another read through or get a beta reader.

You have the beginnings of a very nice story here it it will be interesting to see what happens between Lily and Scorpius :)

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Review #19, by ravenclaw_princessAlong the Astral Plane: Autumnal Point

7th December 2014:
Hello. I'm here for your review swap.

I don't think I've ever read a founders era story before, which I guess means i have no preconceived notions on how characters should be.

I quite enjoyed Helena and you captured her 'spirited' nature really well. It was obvious from the first scene where she defied what she knew her mother would want and followed her own mind in choosing her dress colour. It's also there in the little comments she makes to people and how she pushes herself right to the limits of whats socially acceptable. She was really fun to read and I couldn't help but be excited with her when it came to the dance. Your other characters were also very well written with their own unique personalities that came across seamlessly in your writing. Helga was especially good, and was so motherly. I liked her.

I congratulate you on being able to write for this time period. The tone, the words that were chosen in the dialogue, the etiquette, all of it transported me back in time. It was really good. The story also flowed very well and there was nice imagery throughout the story so I could picture it in my head.

I also loved the little darkness you brought into the end. It came quite suddenly and made me sit up and take note. The presence of this man surely doesn't sit well with Gareth and it will be interesting to see why.

Well done and a lovely chapter.

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Review #20, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Three

4th December 2014:
And the mystery deepens. I'm finding this story really exciting and its got me hooked in. I'm so interested to see what's behind the deaths and all about the curse of the dead mans mask. Its such a unique concept you have going here and I'm really enjoying it.

I love Imogen, she is such a cool character. She has such a hard exterior but you can tell that inside she's hurting. Every so often you can glimpse her vulnerability. I suspect there is much more to her hate of her father than just his relationship to Voldemort.

You have lovely descriptions, especially of Azkaban. Its the small details that can create a strong imagery for the reader. I like the inclusion of little extra things about their world, such as the journey to Azkaban and the process of visiting people. You slip them so easily into the story that it never feels like you've gone off on a tangent. And I got chills just thinking about how cold and harsh Azkaban is...not a nice place at all.

Well done. Another very enjoyable chapter.

Author's Response: Glad to see I've snared you up in this tale! (evil cackle)

I've had a lot of fun developing Imogen, and her character became much clearer to me when I decided early in the process that the story would hinge on the development of the relationship between her and Hermione. Ms Granger often bemoaned the gloomy or tempestuous nature of Ron and Harry, so it was fun to envision a female character that would give her just as much grief.

No, Azkaban is not a nice place at all. One day I'll be forced to write about a location that isn't cold, gloomy, and depressing, and we'll just have to see how that pans out for moi. Haha

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Review #21, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Two

1st December 2014:
Hi...I'm back for chapter 2. This was another very interesting and mystery filled chapter. You're really setting the foundations of a really good story.

I really enjoyed the first section with Hermione and the crime scene investigation. The mystery was slowly unraveled and it was interesting seeing Hermione's sharp eye put all the clues go together. I thought Hermione's characterisation was pretty good. She's still the determined, and inquisitive girl, yet she has matured now and turned her 'bossy, no-it-all-ness' into more of a confident and commanding presences. Yet, Hermione is still feeling the burden of the war and the aftermath of finding the remaining death eaters and you can feel the weight on her shoulders as well.

The only cc I would have, is that while Hermione did a lot during the war, she is now only 21 or 22 and it seems a little doubtful that she'd be left in charge of a murder scene. She herself admitted that she didn't even know the protocol. But maybe I've been watching a bit too much CSI :)

Imogen is such a deep character. There is so much going on in her head and I love the layers that you've woven into her. It was interesting to hear her childhood and about her mother and how this has shaped her. I liked the interaction with Hagrid and I think you wrote him beautifully. The dialogue sounded just like him too.

So well done on another great chapter. I'm so happy to have chanced upon it. I love stories with a bit of mystery. This one has really hooked me in.

Author's Response: Hello again!
Your thoughts about Hermione being a bit young for her position are completely valid, and that actually does come up in a subtle way later on in the story. Hermione's been given a degree of power and authority that she's not necessarily qualified to hold, mainly due to her status as a key player against Voldemort. In my head, the powers that be have given her this position because it 'looks good on paper,' and not necessarily because it's the best idea.

I'm glad you liked the section with Hagrid, and I'm relieved that it 'sounded' like him to you, since I made the decision to bypass most of the stylistic choices JKR made when writing his accent. I just don't have the mastery over his dialect to pull that off. :P

Indeed there is a lot going on in Imogen's mind, in more ways than you might guess. ;)

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Review #22, by ravenclaw_princessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter One

27th November 2014:
Hello. I'm here for our review swap. I was quite intrigued by you story summary and I'm looking forward to reading further.

I have to say, I was a little daunted when I saw the length of the chapters, but the writing was so good that I was dragged in instantly and the chapter didn't feel long at all.

You have created a very rich world with you writing. No part of Azkaban was left untouched in your description. You really painted the picture and created Azkaban as a character in itself. You showed what Azkaban was like through your descriptions and interactions of characters within its wall, rather than just telling the reader what its like. No details seemed to be left out and I really like the part about how, without the Dementors, the wildlife was starting to encroach on Azkaban and the rate deterioration was increasing. That part just really stuck with me for some reason.

Weston was really nicely characterised. I liked his reasons for volunteering for guard duty. He sounds like he lacks a little confidence in himself and follows rules to the letter. I hope to see him develop further, but even if he is left behind at this point, I enjoyed reading his part and he gave a unique glimpse of guard duty life.

The discovery of the body was an interesting part. More so in the fact that, compared to everywhere else, there was a severe lack of detail. It made it very mysterious and I wonder if they saw more than just a body...I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I also like Imogen and thought she was nicely characterised. I find it interesting how she's in the same art as her father, yet wants nothing to do with him. The magical tattooing sounds pretty neat and again, it was nicely shown through the interactions between characters rather than just describing how it works. You're pretty good at the 'show', don't 'tell' thing :)

You're writing is lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I will move onto the next chapter shortly, but real life will keep me busy over the next few days.


Author's Response: Finally responding to these as well! :)

Yes, I do tend to write in pretty large chunks. Believe me, I edit them down pretty severely when I can, but they always seem to come out bulky no matter what! ;)

I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and it's good to see that you've picked up on the major points I was trying to get across, as far as the characterization of Azkaban, the minimal descriptives in the discovery of the body, and so forth.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #23, by ravenclaw_princessheaven: can't help me now

20th November 2014:
Hi, here for the BvB review

This was such a lovely story. AS I was getting further and further towards the end I was kind of getting a little sad because Lily was so certain the relationship was going to end, and I was thinking no no no no no can't end, they're so sweet together. It definitely kept me engaged with the story and kind of on the verge of tears. Thankfully though, the 'break up' part of the story was kindly written, saving me from becoming a blubbering mess, and then things got happy again :)

I loved the flow of the story. there was a nice transition between different events and the dates worked well in this story to show the passage of time. This method can sometimes break the flow of a story, but I think here, it enhanced it. Each section showed a unique and powerful snap shot of their time together, avoiding the need for filler paragraphs.

I loved Lily's characterisation. I've always enjoyed writing her and I can be a bit picky with how she's portrayed (I don't like the spoilt brat type), but I think you got her spot on. She has a spark within her, but she's not pretentious. I do wonder why she was so sure that the relationship would end though. This sort of thought usually brings about destroying the relationship for the mere fact you think it will end. Could be for many reasons, but i kind of got the sense that Lily didn't think she was good enough for him, and that he would get bored of her and move on.

There were a few spelling errors, but easy things to pick up with another read through.

Lovely story. It was so much fun to read and I'm very glad there was a happy ending.

Jacqui x

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Review #24, by ravenclaw_princessTwo: A Perfect Blend: Blended Christmas

18th November 2014:
Hi. Here for the review battle.

This is such a cute little story, you have me wishing for the holiday season right now.

I loved Rose's memories of Christmas. I think you interpretation of a Weasley Christmas is spot on. I can definitely imagine lots of people, far too much food which somehow all gets demolished and lots of laughter, presents and good fun. You really captured the joy of the day with really good descriptions and imagery.

In comparison though.poor Scopius. his Christmas day is so sad with no joy at all. The stark contrast between them was so well done and I could feel Scopius' sadness just as much as I could feel Rose's happiness. I loved how the same traditions of food and presents were there, but shown so differently between the households. It was also sobering to see how sad Scoprius was, he could have any material thing he wanted, but all he really wanted was some love.

It was nice seeing Scopius break free from his parents and experience a semi-Weasley Christmas at Hogwarts and then eventually a real one at the Burrow. And the Weasley's just accepted him so easily into their homes.

This is really well written and was so much fun to read. Good job.


Author's Response: Hi Jacqui.. :)

Thank you for finding it cute. The last thing I thought I would write was something cute but apparently I have a knack for it? YOLO, I'm good with that. HAHA. I'm hoping, also, that you are enjoying your holiday season. :)

I think anyone with half a brain would want to be part of some sort of Christmas like the one Rose has. I've always had an image of it in my brain and it was just so much fun to write and imagine and I'm glad you saw it the way I saw it too. (well, not exactly the way but that you saw the FUN in it, which is all I wanted to come across)

Yes, poor Scorpius. Sad as it is, I've had a Christmas like I wrote his so I know firsthand that it's not exactly HORRIBLE but there's no holiday spirit at all, which is just sad.

YES, I am so happy for Scorpius because he gets to experience a real Christmas, which is what the boy deserves more than anything. :)

I am so glad you had fun reading it. THANK YOU.


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Review #25, by ravenclaw_princessSeven: Seven is the most magical of numbers.

14th November 2014:
Hi, here for the review battle.

I was really intrigued with the summary and the use of 'seven' and I had to see what it was all about. You definitely didn't disappoint. It was such a clever way of writing and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for the ingeniousness of it. And for the fact you pulled it off. I imagine there was probably a fair bit of editing to get the paragraphs to fit the word count. I also love how the story itself is 777 words.

This pattern lead to quite a cool story flow and the story came across quite poetic. I liked the use of the clipped sentences. You could understand what happened so easily without too much detail. Such as "Dorrie is gone - Voldemort." Its so simple, yet conveys everything. And it loses none of the emotion.

You've summed up poor Sirius' life really well and also conveyed his emotions on the events. As a reader, I was taken an a lovely journey of his life, laughing with him, crying with him, feeling his pain.

Great job on this story. Its really clever and so well put together. It was such a fun story to read.

Author's Response: Hiya!

Wow. Thanks so much for this awesome review. I'm so glad you enjoyed this story!

Yay - I'm so glad you thought it flowed well and was fun to read. It did take a bit of editing to get each paragraph just right. Either the word count was off, or I wasn't able to say what I wanted. But - I'm relieved it came off alright.

Yeah - that line is a humdinger. It really conveyed so much in only four words.

I still smile every time I read this review. Thanks so much. Sorry it took me so long to respond :(

♥ Beth

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