Reading Reviews From Member: Linus
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LinusHermione Granger and the Overdone Plotlines: Everything Occurs and Nobody Acts As They Should

21st December 2008:
...what?

BAHAHAHAHA. Awesome. Not much else to say. Just... awesome...

Author's Response: Tee hee. I know. That's really all you can say, isn't it?

I'm quite glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reviewing!!


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Review #2, by LinusA Dying Legacy: No Pureblood is Safe

21st December 2008:
I've liked it so far. The only thing that I found a little unbelievable, though I believe it's been mentioned, was how quickly Rose got hired and how quickly they gave her such an important story. Though you had said there is a reason for it, so yeah. Besides that, nice work!

Author's Response: Hey Linus!

Yes there is a reason for it, I hope people find it believable after I reveal what it is.
I'm happy you like it and I hope you keep reading =)

Thank you for reviewing

ForgottenFace


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Review #3, by LinusStill Here: prologue

20th December 2008:
It was very good. I liked it. There was only one grammatical problem I noticed, but other than that, it was very good for the prologue.

But, despite how dark it was, there was no denying the sight that lied before the eyes of three friends.

The last part of this sentence is the only part of this chapter that bothered me a little. This would make a little more sense to me; '...that laid before the eyes of the three friends'. But yeah. Anyways, you're off to a really good start here! Nice work!

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Review #4, by LinusThe Tale of Isabel Potter: Result.

20th December 2008:
I'm back... Once again, mostly the same minor problems as the last chapter. A few spelling errors here and there, a couple grammar issues and some things like that, but nothing especially serious. As for the POV, it's fine. Whatever works for you, really.

The only errors that really stuck out to me were the ones towards the beginning of the chapter, and I'll point out a few really quickly.

I woke up pretty early this morning nine o'clock.

It's almost like a run-on sentence, actually. There should be a ';' after morning, or at the very least a comma to signify a pause.

I slumped out onto the landing, I'm really not your typical 'morning person'.

This should be two sentences, or as I said with the previous comment, you could replace the comma with a ';'.

Mum turns them down as she is going to bed and didn't open them until we were all awake or at midday

You're sort of using several different tenses here. 'Didn't' should be doesn't and 'were' should be 'are'.

He, and Mum always seem so tired these days.

The comma in this sentence isn't necessary.

That's all for now. Hope this helps!

Author's Response: Hey. Thanks again for your advice. It certianly does help. I will go over the chapter soon and try to fix my mistakes. I am quite releived that the POV works out as I find it a lot easier to express feelings and thoughts this way. I hope you keep reading and reviewing!

Thanks again.

Billie.


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Review #5, by LinusThe Tale of Isabel Potter: Its Just One Of Those Days...

30th October 2008:
I'm going to be a big critic, so... no one kill me or anything, thanks. It was good, despite there being a great deal of grammar mistakes and the fact that I think you called Isabel 'Roxanne' a few times. Other than that, it was good. And if you don't mind, I'd like to point out a few mistakes... yeah...

You said "Deatheaters" in several places, and I believe it should be two words.

"She didn't really have a choice about him, its not that easy to shut out your twin brother. "

As for this sentence, it seems like a run-on sentence. Perhaps throw a period there instead of the comma, and make the its an it's with an apostrophe.

"Walking past the park she saw him and their best friend Sirius out of the corner of her eye, she didn't stop to chat."

This sentence also seems like a run-on sentence, despite the comma. Maybe throw a 'though' in there after the comma.

"it had been one of those days, she slept in, fell out of bed, put half of her clothes on back to front, missed the bus, had her heart broken by her boyfriend, which was now her ex-boyfriend, missed another bus so she had to walk back and to top it all off, she got into another fight with Bellatrix Lestrange who just happened to be walking by."

The it should be capitalized, and instead of a comma after the word days, put in a semicolon, or a ":" to signify a list. Also, instead of the 'which' in "which was now her ex-boyfriend" try 'who'.

Those are just a few comments, and I could go on about the grammar mistakes... mostly just punctuation and grammar, with a few capitalization errors thrown in but anyways... Don't mean to be a critic! It was still very good, just work on your grammar and you'll be golden.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comment. I've got another story in the works where the main protagonist's name is Roxanne so I'm afraid I got a little mixed up there. As for the grammar and punctuation, I will definetly review it in the not too distant future.

Thanks again,

Billie


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