Reading Reviews From Member: adluvshp
  
1,894 Reviews Found

Review #26, by adluvshpRise of the Phoenix: Into the Void

27th November 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap. I think I'm more than a week late so I'm really sorry. I'm Lost Muse on the forums btw.

So, I've read both this and the previous chapter, and I've to say, I'm liking this story very much so far. Your characterisation of Aurora is very good and I connected with her easily. The way you portray her thoughts is natural and interesting. Like when she can't think of a good spell and uses the antlers one - the pressure of the situation - it makes sense.

Your descriptions are very good, especially in terms of 'actions'. Like I dont think so he said, his tongue running over his sharp, blood-stained teeth, saliva lingering on his pronounced canines. He gestured to the willow wand that had trundled beneath his feet."

It's easy to visualise the scenes and I am enjoying it thoroughly. Fenrir is very creepy in this story and I'm loving his characterisation. I am very curious to see how things progress further.

All in all, great story, and I hope to read more!

Cheers
Angie

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the positive feedback. I really appreciate it. And yes, I remember Lost Muse :)

I am glad it is readable, originally my first chapter was like 13,000 words and I had to break it up into 3 and it's good that it works for people.

I am actually going to have a look at some of your work, sorry for the delays, I have been so busy I have been unable to write any proper reviews or replies.

I will have a new chapter up in a few days.

Best,

NPE


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Review #27, by adluvshpEqual Measure Good and Bad: Hearts are broken, Lives go on

27th November 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap. I'm so sorry for the delay!

I'd already read and reviewed the first chapter so here's me doing the second =)

I think this story is headed in a very good direction! I am liking how you've kept a balance between showing their personal lives as well as the work/mystery side throughout. The narrative reads well and I like the descriptions.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, Bill, Ginny, and Draco's characterisations are done very well. I can already connect to them and understand their emotions. The subtle explanation of what's been going on in their lives is good.

The mystery of the stonehenge is very interesting. I am curious to know more about this curse and what will happen next. Ginny's nightmares, Ron and Hermione's strain, and Draco's impending meeting with Goyle, were interesting plot points here and I'm looking forward to see how they're developed.

You've shown a very natural reaction to war and how they're all slowly trying to heal. The overall dialogue is good too. All in all, this made for a good read and I hope to come back for more!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95/Lost Muse)

Author's Response: Thanks for the praise Aditi. I sure do hope you come back for more and like how the story progresses further. Please do let me know what you think about the next few chapters. :)

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Review #28, by adluvshpVox wuod Sanctimonia: Cupiditas

26th November 2015:
Hey Rumpel!

Ooh, a lovely Founders piece. I have always been fond of this era, especially to see how Salazar Slytherin is portrayed, so I think you did a fabulous job with this! I loved his characterisation. The comments on Muggles, and fighting back etc made sense, and aligned with canon. At the same time, it showed he wasn't evil, just particularly doubtful of Muggles, and had that quality of self-preservation for his own kind i.e. magical beings. His initial perception of Rowena, based on what he'd heard about her, was very interesting. His dialogue with Godric about her made me smile xD

I loved how in the end his first impression was changed, and he was willing to give her a chance. Their interaction, however brief, was enough to cause him to think. Your descriptions were especially very good in that manner. The dialogue was perfect and the narrative flowed smoothly. I really enjoyed reading this and found myself wanting more by the end. I wish this could be continued into a short story!

All in all, great job. As usual, reading your writing is a pleasure.

Love,
Angie

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Review #29, by adluvshpOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Broomsticks and Bernacle Juice

23rd November 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums =) I decided to read both Chapters 3 and 4 and leave a review here!

I am really enjoying the story! You're doing so well with the characterisations of the Marauders. In Chapter 3, you did a good job in portraying Remus' happiness at finally being at Hogwarts, James and Sirius already causing trouble and getting noticed by older students, and Sirius' mum coming in was a nice touch. It all added to their personalities. Slughorn's portrayal was done nicely too and I enjoyed reading the class they had. Lily's flair for potions is already showing and that's cool. Adhara is an interesting character and I like how she's shaping up too. Good job.

The Flying lessons in this chapter was very good. I enjoyed reading it and it showed an interesting insight into the characters. Severus and James' spat made sense and was written naturally. I'm glad the dynamics are already being explored.

James reminded me of Harry during the lesson - Madam Hooch asking him to come down when he flew when he wasn't supposed to - just like Harry did in his first lesson hehe. Loved that bit!

Remus' compassion and wanting to include Peter is sweet. It says a lot about his personality and I'm glad you're keeping him very canon here. Little details that like really make the story work =)

Lily and Severus are already arguing, hehe. Makes sense of course. They're in different houses and obviously their personalities clash. I like how you continue to show Severus' feelings for Lily without blatantly expressing them. The dialogue and descriptions work well that way.

I don't know what Adhara is up to but you certainly have brought in an interesting twist there. The whole interaction with her brother, Marlene's run-in with her, and poor Adhara crying. And then of course Adhara ignoring Lily. I look forward to how that's developed as the story progresses.

All in all, things are certainly going very well in the story. Your plot is engaging, the characterisations are nicely shaping up, and your narrative flows well. I'm quite enjoying it. Feel free to re-request!

Cheers,
Angie

Author's Response: Hey Angie!

Ohh yay, you read both chapters!

James and Sirius would be noticed by everyone. They are the alphas! I love writing the Marauders, its just so challenging. Except stupid Peter. I haven't written anything from his PoV!

Ohh yes, that James bit was supposed to be poetic. Harry's defiance on the broom brought out the Lily in him (wanting to immediately defend the person being bullied) but his talent is James'.

Yes, I was worried that Lily Severus spat so early was unbelievable, but Snape's resentment at her being in a differnt house would have to be expressed somehow!

Adhara is the only pure OC I have included as one of my main characters. She's tough to write since I want to make her dark. I'm no good at dark. I'm glad you like her. I'm trying to show that there's a lot more to her than what meets the eye. She's going to be a handful to write.

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I will definitely re-request. I look forward to hearing from you :)

Love,
Ysh


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Review #30, by adluvshpThe Two of Us: Tension

23rd November 2015:
Hey Gabbie! Here for your requested review from the forums.

First off, I've to say, I'm very very impressed with your grasp on the twins' personalities. You've written both Fred and George very well. You've kept their core traits, you've maintained how they appear in canon, and at the same time, you've given fresh insights into their relationship, into their personality dynamics, and highlighting how similar and different they are. That's a remarkable feat so hats off!

I love your writing style too. Your use of vocabulary is good and the narrative flows beautifully. You can keep the reader engaged from beginning to end, and the scenes are such that can be easily visualised in the mind's eye.

The plot concept itself is very good. George and Fred both liking Angelina is a concept I've across a few times but the way you have woven it is amazing. The way you wielded the canon moment into something more was perfect. Oh and you did a good job of portraying Lee too!

For CC, all I've to say is, perhaps polish your dialogue a little bit more? It reads off as stunted in a few places, if you know what I want. And the blend between dialogue and descriptions could be smoother.

But apart from that, I think it's a great start to the story and I'm curious to see how things go further and get resolved. Lovely read and feel free to re-request!

Cheers,
Lost Muse
(previously AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks so much for stopping by and junk! I have only a bit of experience writing the twins and I was worried about how they would turn out for this chapter. I think that their relationship has all sorts of things that you can do to show just how different they are. They've got a lot of similarities but there are moments when you can really see that they aren't the same, which was really hard to write.

I'm happy that the flow was good too, I thought that it was too choppy in some places. ;__;

I wanted to explore the canon moment more because there are so many things that you can do it with and also, we don't really know what happened either. I don't use the Fred/Angelina angle in this though but it does make you wonder about what sort of drama they'll go through before the ball arrives.

Lee Jordan is awesome and so easy to write for some reason! :D

I'm horrible at dialogue so thanks for telling me!

I shall re-request whenever I get the next chapter up!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #31, by adluvshpOf Final Thoughts: How to Say Goodbye

19th November 2015:
Hey again =)

Wow, this was beautifully written. It was certainly different from your usual style, I agree, but I think it worked brilliantly. Your use of narrative style was very good and fit the theme. The "you" being Alastor Moody made it very personal and I felt like I was in Caradoc's shoes. I believe if you'd added more stuff to the story, as you said, the message might have been lost.

This is perfect the way it is, because in few paragraphs, we get a complete picture of what's happening and can build a connection to the MC as well as Moody. I could see where their friendship came from, and the bond they shared through Caradoc's eyes. His thoughts were well-portrayed and I felt for him.

The ending really broke my heart, because I guess he died. But it made sense, and the entire piece itself was quite sad. Tragic but again beautifully written. The descriptions were brilliant and the flow was just so smooth, it made for a great read. Definitely powerful, and a lovely way to show a non-canon glimpse of something different from the war.

I loved it. Great work.
-Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #32, by adluvshpPromise.: Ten Minutes

19th November 2015:
Hello again!

This was so very sweet. I'm glad Regulus and Narcissa shared a sweet bond - well it's not exactly canon but I'm going to keep it as my head canon from now on. You definitely chose an interesting plot here and wove it very well (as you always do).

Your characterisation of Regulus was very good. His frustration, his worry, it all came through wonderfully. You used descriptions very well to enhance that and convey the theme further. Like:

"Shaking his head, he brought himself back from a world of unspoken fears and back into warm-roomed, noisy, upperclass reality."

Here, "unspoken fears" and "upperclass reality" really make an impact. They have so much underlying meaning. They give a very good picture of what's going on in Regulus' life.

And then:
"In contrast, Regulus' knew his face was slightly flush from the warmth, and he could practically feel the wrinkles in his robes. His mother would have a fit."

Again, it shows the kind of pressure Regulus is under, and what he deals with on a daily basis. His resentment seeps through and that's perfect.

It was sad that Regulus couldn't feel connected to Sirius because he'd "abandoned" him, but it was nice that Narcissa could fill that void. Their interaction was well-written and the ending brought a sweet smile to my face. It made for a lovely little read and I loved it, as I usually love all your writing =)

Great job!
-Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #33, by adluvshpEach Shining Light, Each Silver Bell: Of Mince Pies and Angels

19th November 2015:
Hey Rumpel.

Aw, this was so very sad. My heart broke for poor Severus. The ending =( Why must you do this to me? *cries and hugs little Severus*

Christmas is such a happy holiday, and to see little Severus have had such a miserable experience with it, was just very sad. You portrayed his character very well. I could feel his emotions throughout. The narrative worked well with the theme of the little child.

When he was preparing the Christmas tree, that was very sweet. I wanted his parents to appreciate it. His father's reaction to it was just horrible. I feel so bad. And his mother, not being able to do anything. *cries more*

The ending really broke my heart though. The beads falling out felt symbolic to his life or his childhood shattering. Poor little kid. *cries even more*

All in all, you wrote a beautifully tragic one-shot. Your characterisations, descriptions, and overall theme was superb. It made for a moving, powerful read. Loved it.

Much love,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #34, by adluvshpDon't Judge A Book By Its Cover: Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover

17th November 2015:
Hey! Here for the review swap!

I really loved this. Your depiction of Quirrel was very apt, and you got his characterisation down very well. His emotions and thoughts were on point and got through the narrative intensely.

I felt bad for him, and could feel his pain and fear as Voldemort terrorised him. His thirst to prove himself, the little streak of memories in the beginning depicting what he'd been through, and the use of the proverb along with the little details really enhanced the narrative.

The ending was on a nice note with him realising that Voldemort was the real coward.I think you chose a great plot and wrote it very well.

I am glad I got to be able to read this. It made for a great read!!

Cheers
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Angie!

I am glad you found this depiction of Quirrell apt.

If you felt bad for him, then I can say that this little story was worth something. ;)

I wanted to show that Quirrell was human after all and Voldemort was the bigger evil, hence added the ending that way. I just thought that he needed salvation, at least at the time of his death.

I am so happy you liked the story!

-Emm ^_^


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Review #35, by adluvshpRecipe For Detention: It All Started With Puffskein Poo

17th November 2015:
Hey! Here for the review swap!

Ooh, I really enjoyed this. I don't usually read a lot of fluff (more of a "dark" person) but this definitely served as a nice break from my usual. It was well-written, easy to read, and made me smile.

Your characterisations of Sirius and Lily were so on point! If I were to imagine them in my head, I'd exactly expect them to behave this way! Your portrayal really hit the piece. And I think you did a good job of writing McGonagall too. She's definitely a difficult character to pull off. I enjoyed the banter here throughout, you wove it in so well with the narrative. And the conflicting thoughts of Lily were very realistic.

All in all, great one-shot. I can see it serving well as a companion piece to your novel. You really get the Marauders and the way you write them is really brilliant. I honestly dont know what else to say. Loved it!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey Angie!

Glad we did the review swap!

I used to write a lot of fluff but only from a romance point of view. To explore that from a friendship perspective was really different, and very fulfilling.

I really loved exploring the Lily Sirius dynamics here. I am not that great with dialogue, so I'm really happy you enjoyed the banter!

Thank you once again for checking it out and reviewing!

Love,
Ysh


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Review #36, by adluvshpOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: First Impressions, Undone

17th November 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums =)

I'm glad I could stop by to read this as I've been wanting to read your work for a while! The first chapter was very good. I enjoyed the way you wrote it, showcasing the different ways in which the main characters of the story were approaching their Hogwarts letter. The conversation between Snape and Lily was nicely done. Sirius' scene was adorable; I loved the camaraderie between him and Regulus. The mention of the "blood purity movement" was also interesting. Liked the insight into Peter and James' homes as well. All in all, chapter 1 was very good and provided a very good introduction into the story.

On to this chapter, another well-written one. I liked how you took the canon events and gave them your own spin. The dialogue interactions between Lily, Severus, James and Sirius were nicely done. Adhara also seems nice, and you've done a good job of portraying her. The characterisations of the MCs so far are shaping up well. I especially love how you've written Sirius, it's perfect.

I honestly don't have any constructive criticism to give you, except perhaps to look a little bit more into the flow between dialogues and narrative? It's good enough already but you certainly have room for improvement to maintain a better balance between dialogue and descriptions to give an even more realistic feel of the scene.

Besides that, overall, the dialogues, canon compliance, characterisations etc. are quite good. The story is definitely off to a good start and I'm excited to see how the plot progresses. You definitely are a very good writer and I enjoyed reading the first two chapters. Hope to be back for more when I can!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey Angie,

I'm so glad you dropped by! The Marauders are so much fun to write! I can't imagine writing any other HP character after I have put in so much work into the Marauders. I'm so happy that you like my portrayal :)

I did have a concern about the dialogue narrativve balance in this chapter, but I have addressed them in the later chapters, especially ones I have written after reading your review. I would love to hear what you think of my later chapters, I'll be sure to request on your review thread when you have some slots opened up :)

Loads of love
ysh


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Review #37, by adluvshpThe Last Dance: I promise

13th November 2015:
Oh Avi, you've made me cry. Excuse me if my review isn't very coherent.

Such beautiful, beautiful writing. This was so perfect. Ron/Hermione's last dance. The way you wrote it, just wow. This was such a bittersweet one-shot. It was so sad that they're in their old age and Hermione is ill and Ron can feel his end nearing. And yet their love is still the same which was adorable. Also, the little mention of Harry having passed away tore at my chest. It's sweet and fitting that they still think of him.

Really, it was so beautiful. And I think it's perfect the way it is. It does not need more expansion in terms of the environment etc. This one-shot is all about raw emotion and I believe it'll lose that essence if you add more details about the surroundings etc. So, it's best to leave it as it is - but that's just my humble opinion =)

As for mistakes, I didn't spot any except:
"You smile and I take your hand in mine. I swear I saw a sparkle in your eyes." I believe it should be "I swear I see a sparkle..." to flow with the tense of the rest of the narrative.

Besides that, as I said, this was perfect. I loved it and it was my pleasure to read it. You portrayed Ron and his love for Hermione beautifully, and the premise of this was very touching. Your writing is always so moving. Great work *hugs*

Love,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #38, by adluvshpMordaunt's Living Masks: Prologue

13th November 2015:
Hey Gee! Here for your requested review from the forums =)

Ooh okay, I absolutely loved this chapter. Your descriptions are amazing and it's a great opener to the story. The plot looks very intriguing and I can't wait to see what you have in store for the readers. The entire thing has a very spooky feel to it which fits the theme perfectly!

To answer your concerns, Esther does come across as a mean person, but not essentially vile. I can see her "good" side too, as well as the grey bits of her personality. To me, she came across as somebody just having some fun at the expense of the Muggles. But she knows where to draw the line. And at the same time, the idea of power seems to appeal to her, as she enjoyed knowing the Muggles feared her. Hers is a complex personality and she's a grey character, and I love that. So far, I am liking her and would love to see what role she plays in the story.

I expect the story to be quite spooky and interesting, judging by the prologue. I certainly hope that it is as intense as this chapter was. Your descriptions and imagery of course make it all the more engaging, and the narrative flows smoothly.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this chapter! Please do re-request for the next, or I hope to be able to come back for more myself. I don't have any CC for you and all I'll say, in a nutshell, this was a perfect prologue! Great job!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Angie, thank you so much for your feedback!
This chapter has been edited and edited (with help, hehe).

Man, I really needed a Slytherin's opinion on her - it's crucial the reader finds some aspect of her to like because deep down, she's not evil. It's her upbringing and the times she lives in. And the fact that she's a Slytherin, that plays an important part, haha :D
"some fun at the expense of the Muggles" exactly, she pranks. Like Peeves does. Or like twins do :p
I'm so happy you like Esther!! ♥

Yes, it's going to be spooky indeed! I'm looking forward to your feedback on the following chapter!
I'm always a bit worried about the descriptions, I try not to be too much of a Balzac but it's tough to stop describing stuff when I start, haha :D

Again, thank you so much!

*Gee


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Review #39, by adluvshpgaslights: gaslights

12th November 2015:
Hey there! Random review alert, so I apologise in advance for meaningless gushing xP

Wow, this was splendid. It is so different from what I've usually read around the archives. The poetic rhyming style was interesting and made for such a smooth flowing narrative. Don't call it nonsense - it was a lovely read!

The idea behind you writing this is so sweet - I'm glad you're trying to see past the stigma of overly emotional women. Merlin forbid, I think I'm one of them, so it warms me to see writers like you trying to portray the plight of somebody like Lavender.

I loved how this started off with Lavender all happy and sweet and excited about the whole "love" thing - it made a lot of sense for a sixteen year old girl to act like that - and then it was sad to see her emotions come crashing down as the story progressed. The ending was quite powerful and nicely done too. It showed how much the incident changed her. She was understandably upset and angry, and the emotion showed.

I dont know what else to say except Wow! I had not thought it'd be possible to rhyme so much and at the same time get a story out of it plus make it all so beautiful sounding. But you totally managed the feat. Great job! Glad I dropped by xD

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Angie -hugggs- Thank you for dropping by and doing such a sweet random review (and MTA page visit)! You're the best *love*

Awww thanks. I'm glad you feel this is different and lovely. Yes, I'm definitely trying to eliminate all the backwards feels on, well, feelings. I'm emotional too and there's nothing wrong with that, nor should there be :)

Yes Lav was definitely jaded, ideally a bit more grounded in her next approach to finding love, and will find someone that truly likes her and wants to get to know her in the future! Glad you felt that I captured the emotions and everything in such a short amount of words, and in a rhyming fashion haha. Thanks again, darling!

xoxoxo,
ellie


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Review #40, by adluvshpOne Night Sin: Chapter 1

11th November 2015:
Hey Erin!

Ooh, another lovely story on your page. I was really intrigued by the summary of this 'cause it features an Indian protagonist, and it's always interesting to read how other authors write Indian MCs, especially in the world of HPFF xD

So, this was a great start. I like how we immediately delve into Shreya's mind, feeling her panic, her shame, and her regret for what she did the previous night with Scorpius. And despite all of that, her affection for him. The feelings and thoughts are realistic. And moreover, your descriptions (as always) are simply amazing. The words you use are powerful and easily convey the raw emotion.

I loved the use of the word "Ganda" here. The whole impurity angle fit very well, especially with Shreya's background, and her reaction made a lot of sense. I also liked how Scorpius wasn't completely arrogant and had some kind of concern for the poor girl. He looks like a nice guy and I'd love to see how his character develops further as the plot progresses.

One little thing that concerns me: Since Shreya is studying at Hogwarts, she might've had a British Indian upbringing? Or she might belong to a family that is not very conservative? If that's the case, sleeping with somebody at the age of sixteen shouldn't be that big of a deal, since it's common culture? (Like I've grown up abroad and my immediate family isn't all that conservative). Of course, teenage pregnancy would be huge, but as of now, just having sex shouldn't? Unless she belongs to a traditional conservative Indian family who've only sent her to study at Hogwarts from India (but again would they do that if they were conservative)? Feel free to completely ignore me if you want - these are just some random thoughts that popped into my head while reading this. But whatever the case is, I'd love to see how things play out further so I hope we get to see more of Shreya's backstory as the chapters progress, and then I guess all my questions would be answered xD

Besides that, I would just like to say again, I really love the premise. It's interesting to see how grow this cliche into a story of its own. Already, it is very promising as your writing anyway is just perfection and the characters well-shaped. Your descriptions are ace and I'm already in love with this story. Please do keep writing and update soon as I am dying to know how it moves on and what happens next!!

(adding to favourites 'cause your writing is just that addictive with the first chapter itself)!

Love,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #41, by adluvshpRetribution From Beyond the Grave: Halloween

11th November 2015:
Rumpel! I'm so glad we were paired for the review exchange because you're one of the authors I've read such few things of, which is a shame because you're such an amazing writer. So, I'm happy to be here!

First off, this was a very well-written piece. I absolutely loved it. You took two of my favourite characters - Rose and Bellatrix - and wrote them the way I love them - all dark and twisted. I loved the idea of Bellatrix staying back in some form to take revenge, and then polluting Rose's mind. Rose's emotions were aptly portrayed, and really, your descriptions were chilling.

The story tied in with the theme of Halloween beautifully and I loved the writing style with the timeline and stuff. The words you used were simple and direct, and yet they had a powerful impact because the imagery played out wonderfully. The ending bit was sad and disturbing with Rose first killing James and then aiming for Scorpius. I felt so bad for the two boys. Bellatrix enjoying the entire events she had caused was also hauntingly well-portrayed.

All in all, I think you captured the characterisations very well here and conveyed a lot in such few words. The writing flowed together amazingly well and the entire thing had a lasting effect which was perfect. I really enjoyed reading this! Great job!

Love,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #42, by adluvshpturn to dust. : five.

9th November 2015:
Hey Erin!

My goodness, you never fail to floor me with your writing. I come here expecting to leave a decent review but all I can get out is a random gushing of words like omg omg this was so amazing i loved it i dont even know what to say your descriptions are spectacular and i just asdfghjkl;

Okay but I'll try to be coherent now. This was absolutely amazingly written. The beauty in your writing is rare. I have seldom come across writers who can express themselves with such grace and you're one of them. You always, always inspire me.

This whole micro fiction idea was brilliant and you pulled it off so well. I could feel the emotion in each segment really powerfully. Your descriptions were just marvellous. It was also not that difficult to guess the characters but also not so easy - just enough intrigue to keep the reader pondering. Great job there.

So, my guesses:

1) James
2) Sirius
3) Peter? I initially thought Remus but then realised it must be Peter.
4) Not 100% sure about this but Voldemort?
5) Dumbledore.

You have to tell me whether I guessed correctly xD

And yes, I'd like to conclude this review with my favourite line from the story that really resonated with me:

"There is no friendship when lovers intervene."

I just loved that. You have such a wonderful way with words, Erin. I look up to you. Great, absolutely perfect, piece of writing. Keep writing more and more and one day you'll be one of India's (and hey maybe even the world's) top authors.

Love,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #43, by adluvshpNot My Own: The Switch

7th November 2015:
Hey =)

Wow, this was a very interesting first chapter. I absolutely love your plot idea. It's very unique. The idea of Remus and James switching places is surely an interesting one. I am wondering if this means Remus will die in James' place, and it'll be James who actually continues to live as Remus for the remainder of his life. And of course, it'll be intriguing to see how far this follows canon events and how it all ties in.

All in all, a very well-written first chapter. It had the right amount of dialogues and descriptions for me to get engaged. The conversation between James and Remus was also nicely done - their friendship showed. Dumbledore was written well too, and I liked how he's the one orchestrating these events. It made sense.

I'm highly curious to know how the story progresses and what new turns it takes. So far, it looks amazing! Great job! Glad I could stop by =)

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review Angie! The idea is a fun one to play with I'm glad you liked the story and descriptions. I feel like descriptions is a weak point in my writing so you saying that they were good made me smile.

You are right about the James and Remus switch. I hope you enjoy reading further when you do.

-Marshal


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Review #44, by adluvshpIn Eternity: In Eternity

31st October 2015:
Omg Erin. Wow. Just Wow. As always, you leave me speechless with your writing!

This was just so, so well-written. I'm in awe. First off, hats off for attempting to write Albus! I've always thought him such a difficult character to write, yet you got him so well. And you captured his feelings for Gellert, and his complex relationship with Gellert, with perfection.

The way you wove this piece with the strings of their meetings, their closeness, their falling out, and Albus' emotions, was just brilliant. I loved how you kept everything canon and yet brought it out to another level with such grace and beauty. You really enhanced their relationship and showed it for what I believe it truly was, and the whole comparison with the Death And Life thing, it was just mind-blowing.

I'm aware I'm rambling a lot and probably not being very cohesive in this review, but really, my mind is a pile of goo after reading this 'cause it's so brilliantly well-written, at least for me! I totally worship you as a writer! Such amazingness.

For me, apart from the amazing characterisation and captivating concept, what was really the strength and highlight of this story was the writing style and descriptions. Loved the second person use - it was so fitting with the theme - and your choice of vocabulary and the manner in which you put your sentences together was perfection. The flow was so smooth, it almost had a poetic feel to it, and the emotions were so palpable. In such few words, so much was expressed, and for that, kudos!

Two bits really stood out to me:

"Eternity had passed, or at least, made us believe it had passed, until we found one another." W-O-W.

"And as we stood, you almost a head taller by then, you who found your purpose to life, and I who was merely prolonging death, our shadows mingled, our souls connected - we would never say it, for who could bear voice such a grounded thought - but there we were as one, an enigma in our existence." -- *standing ovation* This was beautiful.

Really, I don't know what else to say. I loved reading this so much. It made for a great read and I wish it was more than a one-shot so I could never stop reading such beauty! Great, great job!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #45, by adluvshpAlmost: Almost

31st October 2015:
Hey! I'm very late but finally here with the Slytherin Hot Seat Review.

I loved this. It was so sweet and nice and sad. Your portrayal of Sirius is interesting. I felt sad for him, and at his unrequited love for Lily. I wish we'd seen Lily's reactions/thoughts on when Sirius kissed her and told her he loved her though! I mean, she married James in the end, and was happy with him, so I'd liked to have known what she thought of Sirius' feelings towards her.

Of course, that's just me being greedy for more of this story because I really enjoyed reading it! Your descriptions were very good and I loved the way the dreams changed into one another smoothly. Sirius' emotions were palpable and my heart ached for him. It was interesting how you took a missing moment of sorts from canon and turned it into this well-written one-shot.

Great concept, good characterisation, and lovely narrative! I really liked it.

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! I am so happy that you enjoyed this!!

Thank you for all of your kind words and maybe I will have to check out a way to write about Lily's feelings towards Sirius in the future!

Thanks again!

-Jenn


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Review #46, by adluvshpUnexpected Attraction: Unexpected Attraction

7th October 2015:
Hey! Here for our review exchange =)

This was brilliant! It brought a sweet little smile to my face and I quite liked reading it. Your characterisation of Blaise was interesting and I enjoyed seeing this side of him. It was cute how he found himself being nice, and being drawn to Susan, and the way his thoughts and emotions played out throughout.

The pairing of Blaise and Susan itself is unusual - one that I've never really come across - but you totally made it believable and realistic. I was shipping them by the end of the fic! I always find the idea of a Slytherin and Hufflepuff nice together - they sort of balance each other out but not in a fiery all-raw-tension sort of way that Gryffindor/Slytherin pairings do - so good job here.

For some constructive criticism, I'd say the ending felt slightly rushed/abrupt. I'd have liked to see the build-up to the kiss a little more prolonged. Just a few more dialogues, thoughts, and descriptions before the kiss, and it'd have been even more perfect and felt natural.

Also, I'd suggest giving some "breathing space" between dialogues and descriptions, as sometimes the paragraphs go on continuously and that can be slightly displeasing to the eye. So, if you break them up a little, especially the ones in the first section of the story, it'd be smoother. Of course, that's just my opinion, and if you don't feel that way, feel free to ignore!

Besides that, as I said, I really enjoyed reading this. The budding romance was adorable and I loved the way you wrote Blaise and Susan. The descriptions were great and the narrative had a very nice feel to it.

What I loved a lot about this one-shot was how simple you kept everything. From the dialogue, to the descriptions, to the plot devices that brought Susan and Blaise together - it was natural, gradual, and sweet. I could relate to them and had a nice time reading this.

I am glad I could stop by to give this a read =)

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Thank you. I tend to like unusual. I'm glad you liked the read. I'm glad the characters were relatable and realistic. I've always been fond of Hufflepuffs and Slytherins being together it is an interesting dynamic and I like playing with it.

I really did consider your suggestion for expanding the ending but I don't think I want to expand it. In a lot of ways I like the bit of abruptness. A lot of times a first kiss is sudden and unexpected. You are moving a long having a nice conversation and without even realizing you are kissing. While some kisses build up and you see them coming from a mile off others just sort of happen and that is what this kiss is for me. Blaise didn't entirely mean to kiss Susan and Susan didn't even know what was coming, but once there neither of them found room for complaint and that is what made it 'perfect' for them.

Still I appreciated the idea all the same and I did give it some serious thought, it is why it took me so long to get back to you. Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad I was able to 'hit the nail on the head' so to speak with the flow and feel of things.

Thanks!


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Review #47, by adluvshpGood For You: Short Story 1: Good For You

7th October 2015:
Hey Avi!

Wow, this was really good. The descriptions are rich for something so short, quite steamy too, and I loved it xD I wanted it to go on longer - to get more details on how Draco and Hermione came to be, where they stand in their relationship right now, and what will happen next!

The way you wrote the scene was very good, with great use of imagery. I could visualise the scene and felt myself smile. It felt like such a sweet, intimate moment, and I could feel how much they both were into each other. The feelings came across beautifully.

I hope you continue this and we get to see more of such Draco/Hermione moments that show us a glimpse into their romantic life. I quite enjoyed this! Lovely little one-shot!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

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Review #48, by adluvshpForbidden Wanderings: A Surprising Encounter

23rd September 2015:
Hey Nix! Here for the Slytherin Hot Seat Review =)

I really liked this! I think it's very interesting what you did here - comparing Draco to a thestral. The way you expressed how much Draco had changed, how tired he was of his life, and how much he disliked all the "evil", was very nicely done.

The descriptions were very good and I enjoyed reading it. The writing style was pretty straightforward which was fresh. It wasn't overly descriptive and it wasn't dull either. Good job there.

The plot concept itself is what I liked the most about this fic. And of course Draco's characterisation. It was a nice insight into his thoughts and could even be considered a missing moment of sorts.

For CC, I'd just say, the writing came across as slightly stunted at times so perhaps a proof-read could help you smooth out the flow? Make it read nicer so to say. I'm only saying this because I've read some of your other wiring and it's phenomenal so you can definitely improve this piece too, if you want to =)

Rest, it was a great little fic and I liked the read. Great idea, great writing, and super characterisation. I'm glad I got to stop by!

9/10
Cheers
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi Angie! I'm so glad you liked this! And that you liked the comparison between Draco and the thestral. This was probably the first idea that came to mind when we got the prompt for this challenge and I really enjoyed writing it.

I haven't actually read over this story in ages but now that it's been a couple years, maybe it's time I did. I totally understand what you mean by the writing being stunted, I don't know why but I really struggled with putting my ideas in to the right words for this, and it definitely shows.

Thank you so much for this lovely review, though! I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by!

xxNix


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Review #49, by adluvshpTurbulence: Chapter 4

2nd September 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap, sorry for the delay!

So, I just finished reading all the 4 chapters and I've to say I'm already in love with this story! Your characterisation of Astoria is brilliant. I feel for her so much, and I can relate to her easily too.

Your portrayal of her illnesses - bipolar and mania - is very realistic and on point. The way you show her thoughts is perfect. It's like I'm in her mind - I'm her - while reading this. Her condition is described sensitively and perfectly. It's interesting to read how she handles her daily life at school.

Speaking of, I love the school system! The houses, the history with the inscriptions etc., and the entrance to the common room and all - it's very innovative and plausible. I enjoyed reading it all =)

I'm also liking Tori's friends a lot. Pooja and Christy are very nice characters. They're human and realistic, and they're such good friends. Christy's curiosity about Astoria's problem makes sense and I wonder if she's going to find out soon.

The two boys who attacked Astoria are vile. Ugh. I was so sad in the previous chapter while reading that. And I must say you tackled the attack scene very well. Just the right kind of descriptions.

I am really excited to see how the plot progresses and what happens next. I'm loving Astoria (just want to give her a hug) and her friends and reading about her life here. I'm adding the story to my favourites and I'll keep an eye out for updates.

Great chapter, great story, great writing! Love it =)

10/10
Cheers,
Angie (AditiDraco95)

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Review #50, by adluvshpSparked: Sparked

2nd September 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap! Sorry for the delay!

Wow, this was very, very sweet, and very well-written. I loved the characterisation of Charlie here. His third year self was written really well. I could feel his emotions from nervousness to fear to calm, everything. Your portrayal of Kettleburn was also very interesting and I enjoyed reading him =)

The first interaction with the dragon was so adorable. I could visualise the whole scene and I visualised the dragon as really cute xP The way you wrote the scene brought out a smile in mine =) The ending bit with Charlie having become a trainer and Kettleburn visiting him was a nice touch.

Your descriptions were very good throughout and all in all, it was a very good read that I enjoyed immensely! Great work!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Kettleburn was a lot of fun to write so I'm glad that you seem to have enjoyed reading him as much as I enjoyed writing him. I also pictured the dragon as being an adorable little thing so it's kinda nice to hear that you had the same thought! Thanks for the swap -- your words were really encouraging.

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