Reading Reviews From Member: adluvshp
  
1,782 Reviews Found

Review #26, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Queen of Diamonds

23rd January 2015:
OH DEAR ME, NOT REGULUS PLEASE NOT REGULUS.

Gah I can't believe Regulus has been targeted this time. I just hope he is alright and does not die.

This was another great chapter though. I loved the introduction of the Aurors here and the way the entire family stood together against them. I wonder who sent the letter to the Ministry though.

The conversation between Alphard and Walburga was also interesting. They're obviously talking about Sirius, maybe they suspect him of the murders, and Sirius' reaction to that is very touching and believable.

All in all, this was another superb chapter and the mystery continues to thicken. I feel like the climax is slowly building up now. Things just keep getting more and more intriguing.

Great job!
-AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey there, Aditi! :) Thank you so so much for all the reviews - they've been wonderful to get! :)

I'M SO SORRY. TRULY. HONESTLY. I'M SO SO SORRY ABOUT THIS. Of all people, Regulus didn't deserve it - he's such a sweetie :P As for his survival, I can't answer that ;)

I wasn't sure about including the Aurors and hte letter to the Ministry line, so I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, the entire family is very good at grouping together when needed.

Ooh, yeah, the conversation is interesting. It does mean something... though, are you sure they're talking about Sirius? Reallly, reallly sure? :P But yeah, he doesn't react well to it at all - it's not a nice thing to hear people saying about you!

Yeah, this is the beginning of the end, so to speak. The last three chapters are really the ending entire, starting from here. Hopefully you'll keep enjoyingt them! :)

Thank you so much for the great review - I loved it! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #27, by adluvshpNot entirely true: Toast to that

23rd January 2015:
Hello! This time I'm here for your requested review on the forums =)

So far, I am really enjoying this story. Maddie's excitement at everything magical is infectious and I find myself smiling along as she discovers the awesomeness of magic. You've made her character quite believable and I feel I can connect with her.

Josh is also fun to read, I like how he cares so much for Maddie and is afraid to scare her. It's also interesting how they both do not apparently have feelings for each other, but I feel like they'd make a cute couple if they did go down that road.

I also find it nice how you've set the story against the backdrop of the Quidditch World Cup. I can just tell it's going to be a fun read =)

The only CC I have for this chapter is that your grammar was a bit off in some places - there were some issues with the tense switching from past to present and back occasionally. I'd suggest smoothing it over with another thorough read.

Besides that, it's a great story and I'm quite enjoying it! Feel free to re-request =)

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hello again!
I'm glad you can relate to Maddie, she is my first main OC and I wanted her to turn out believable. I just hope the readers won't stop liking her after what I had prepared for her (chapter 4!).

Thank you for your opinion on grammar in this chapter, my wonderful beta reader said she could help me with the first two chapters, so i definitely plan to revise them at some point! Plus I'm getting HP books in English tomorrow, so hopefully with my base reading in English will help me familiarize myself with grammar rules in practice :)
Thank you again!


 Report Review

Review #28, by adluvshpNot entirely true: Truth Is Out

23rd January 2015:
Hey! Here for review tag!

This seems like a very interesting premise for a story. I think it's a unique idea with a different plot - I've never come across a story that has been written from a Muggle's point of view entering the wizarding world.

I like Maddie's character, and Josh's as well. The way you portray their friendship is good too. I loved how Josh got Maddie to come with him to the World Cup by knowing someone who knew Ginny etc. Maddie's reactions were also quite realistic.

For CC, I'd say that I'd like to see a bit more description of their thoughts and feelings rather than just their actions. You've a good balance between narrative and dialogue but sometimes the narrative feels like it's just telling the story tonelessly. More emotions would definitely add colour to the story.

Besides that, your grammar and spelling were all good and the narrative flowed smoothly. I liked how you explained the past to present quickly yet in detail. The backstory is interesting and I'm curious to see where the plot is headed.

All in all, this made for an enjoyable read and is a good introductory chapter. I'll be back for more soon =)

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey :)) thank you so much for reviewing!

As for the uniqueness of the story - I'm so happy to hear that, I had a feeling that throughout the years everything has been said and done, so I'm super happy to hear your find my story idea unique :)

When it comes to thoughts and emotions - today I thought exactly the same when I was reading other people's stories. I definitely need to add more of that, thank you for pointing it out :)


 Report Review

Review #29, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Jack of Clubs

21st January 2015:
Oh dear Merlin. What is this? Two bombshells in one chapter! Pollux is dead and so is the house elf. What really is going on. Who is the killer?! Now, for some reason, my suspicion keeps going to Walburga. Or to Orion. But I feel like it is definitely not Lucius, Regulus, Bellatrix or Barty.

This just keeps getting crazier and crazier and way so mysterious. I am really intrigued to know what happens next. And of course to hear how the house elf died.

As usual, brilliant chapter with amazing narrative and dialogue and turn of events. Can't wait to read more!

10/10
Cheers
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi there, Aditi! It's so great to see you back again - it was such a lovely surprise to get! :)

Haha, yeah, sorry about dropping those two on top of you :P It's just that it had been a while since the body count went up, so I raised it by two... or something like that. ;) Ooh, Walburga and Orion are definitely both incredibly suspicious characters, I have to admit.

Really, though - not Lucius? Or Barty? Interesting... :)

Yeah, it's a pretty crazy story; I'm so glad you're enjoying it! And that you think the mystery is still there - as for the house-elf, you'll found out about that soon enough ;)

Thank you so so much for the lovely review, I'm so glad you're still enjoying it! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #30, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Ten of Spades

21st January 2015:
Hey again!

Ooh this gets more and more interesting. I'm curious to know what is in the vial. I feel like it definitely has some significance since it was hidden in such a manner. Trust Sirius of all people to stumble upon it.

I also enjoyed the interaction between Barty and Regulus here. It was great to see the two being carefree for once, enjoying each other's company, playing around and stuff. It was sweet and brought a smile to my face. Bellatrix's arrival was interesting as well and her conversation with Crouch was interesting. I loved the dynamics in the scene - the characterisations of Regulus, Barty and Bellatrix are all brilliant and strong and compliment each other well in the context.

Pollux and Orion's scene was also very intriguing. I'm a little confused with the whole Will business but I suppose it will come to light soon, especially since Alphard's arrival has stirred the matter. I do enjoy their portrayals as well and the way you wrote their dialogue.

All in all, another great chapter and the mystery just continues to get thicker. I'm glad I'm able to find time to read this story!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi again, Aditi! So glad to see you back again! :)

Ooh, yeah, the vial is super important! It's definitely a big clue - and of course Sirius had to find it :P

I'm so glad you liked that scene! I was so nervous when I wrote it, because it's completely different in character to all the rest of the story, in a way, but it was a scene I wanted to include, and I liked writing it :) Bellatrix... well, it was getting too fluffy, lol, so who better than Bella to break it up? :P I really wanted to have a Bella/Barty interaction at some point, so I just had to include it in there, too. I'm so glad you liked it - and the characters themselves! :)

The will business is important, though it's not necessarily a major clue, tbh. It is still important, though... sorry it's a bit confusing, though - I didn't mean for it to be too confusing... I might go back and take another look at that bit :)

Thank you so so much for the lovely review - it was such a great surprise to get! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #31, by adluvshpRabbit Heart: Stone Hearted

21st January 2015:
Hey again!

This was another brilliant chapter. Smeed is definitely interesting - I like his character though - I think he kinda knows about the rabbits and helped Wren clear her head with the tea. I hope she continues taking those in future as well.

Reading about Gran's decision was quite sad and Wren's reaction to it all was of course believable. I liked how you showed the whole situation here. Poor Wren, I really wish she could talk to someone about her fears of being like Gran and losing her magic and stuff, she really needs to be taken seriously on the matter and that bunny needs to be looked into.

I enjoyed the narrative as usual and was pleased to see a good balance here between descriptions and dialogue/thoughts. No CC here. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Smeed has been giving me fits. I like his character too, which is probably why I went through the effort of including more of him in the story than I had originally planned. It turned out that he was right to demand it. Crazy subplots!

I wasn't sure about putting so much of Gran in the story, but at the time, it felt right. It gives Wren some heavy background that she has to deal with.

I'm glad you felt the narrative was balanced here. Thanks for the continued comments!


 Report Review

Review #32, by adluvshpRabbit Heart: Hearts and Spades

21st January 2015:
Hey! Here for TGS Review Exchange.

Okay so things are slightly getting clearer but at the same time they're also getting confusing. I am so worried about poor Wren - all she can think about is Bunny and that's not surprising after what I found out in the previous chapter. I just hope someone realises something is wrong with Wren soon and does something about it. Albus has of course kinda felt it but he is still too unsure to do anything about it.

Speaking of, poor Albus. This bunny is jeopardising his relationship with Wren too which I really don't like. Evil, evil bunny. And of course there is Albus' bunny to consider as well - who is not so adorable as Wren's and is definitely not overpowering his thoughts (thank merlin). So I wonder what's up with that.

I loved the little details in this story such as that of Scorpius and Albus' friendship and the whole photography development process. I wonder if Wren will catch on to the weirdness of it all through her photographs with the blue light and stuff. And then this one day without Bunny is also going to be interesting - I'm very interested to know what happens next.

The only CC I have is I felt that this chapter was a little too heavy on description and less focused on the action/thoughts/plot. But I guess we all need the filler chapters every now and then.

Other than that, this was great writing with your usual superb narrative. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, Albus is feeling things, particularly that things are not right with Wren. Let's both hope they get more clues before things go badly.

I'm glad you like Scorpius' friendship with Albus. It's so fun to write them like that. I thought the photography stuff was interesting too. I'm hoping the chapter wasn't too much on filler for you. Sometimes I use description to give clues as well.

Thanks for the comments. See you next chapter!


 Report Review

Review #33, by adluvshpa little bit of coolness.: a sad Scorpius, and a big box.

21st January 2015:
Hello! Here for your requested review again.

You have a good chapter here. I am sad Rose turned down the proposal though. Poor Scorpius. Rose's personality seems a bit too uptight and blunt to me - if that's your intention good job, but if you're aiming for a heroine the readers can sympathise with and connect with, I'd ask you to polish her characterisation and make her a little more human (more sensitive) along with the wittiness and her cleverness.

I also feel like her relationship with Scorpius needs to be fleshed out more. The pace is definitely a little slow there and I want to see more of their interaction - a communication showing what Scorpius feels and why, and Rose trying to understand him. Of course the story may not be headed that way but I feel like it would be better if the two had more decent interaction and we could see their relationship better because right now it's kinda vague.

However, I do feel your narrative and writing style is good. I enjoy your dialogue and there's a certain kind of humour that I like here. I would definitely like to see more descriptions though and less of a rush with the narrative and more of a speed up with the plot.

I hope I don't sound too harsh - I'm just trying to give as much constructive criticism as I can to help you improve because I can see that this story is quite good and can do loads better with some more polishing. It makes for an enjoyable read and I'm having a good time getting inside Rose's headed and seeing the way things are happening in her life. You're doing good =)

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

 Report Review

Review #34, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Nine of Diamonds

20th January 2015:
Hey again! I had some free time and decided to pick up reading xD

So, Bellatrix has finally started to show her insanity properly, lol. I assume the implication was of Barty and Regulus being a gay couple which must have been very amusing to Bellatrix and not so amusing to the rest of the family. This does me make think whether the two really are a couple or not, and I think they are. Interesting indeed.

This Uncle Alphard character is also quite interesting. If I remember correctly, he got blasted off the Black family tree as well, and that is visible with the way you've portrayed him here - he definitely is different from the rest of the Blacks and doesn't seem to be very popular in the family. No wonder Sirius kinda likes him. But then, he could be the murderer too - he is not someone who is staying with them 24/7 but there could be ways by which he has done the murders, and he's around now... so we never know. But my suspicion is not really strong on him.

Coming to the initial bit of the chapter, I'm relieved Narcissa is alright. It would have been horrid if she had died and Sirius of all people had been blamed. I also find the way you slip in little details is very nice - like Remus' voice telling Sirius that she could have died and Sirius searching for some kind of 'stain' on the stairs. They really add color and emotion to the story.

All in all, this was another brilliantly written chapter and I can't wait to see who is the next victim and find out who the killer is and see the mystery unravel. It's going great so far and I'm completely hooked.

10/10

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey there, Aditi! :) I'm so stoked you came back - it was such a lovely surprise!

Haha, yeah, finally the lid comes off of Bellatrix's crazy :P Bellatrix has a strange sense of humour, so yeah, the idea of that is hilarious to her - who knows why - but the rest of the family really can't take it as anything other than serious. They don't really have a great sense of humour collectively :P

Uncle Alphard... I have to be honest, he was one of the most fun characters to write in ths. Yeah, he got blasted off the tree, and left all his money to Sirius when he died. He's not like them totally, but he's more like them than he lets on ;) But yeah, he's really unpopular with the family - I kinda wanted a character to sort of bridge the gap between Sirius and the rest or to be a sort of buffer, if you like. So, Alphard... mm... he could be, he could be. It could be possible... who knows? ;)

I'm really glad you liked that scene! I thought about killing her, or making her injury more serious, but in the end I decided not to - it didn't seem necessary for the story, tbh. I can never resist putting in little cameo mentions of the rest of the marauders, either :P

THank you so so much, I'm so glad you're still enjoying this - and thank you so much for the review! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #35, by adluvshpRabbit Heart: Heart To Handle

18th January 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums.

I'm so glad you requested because I've been meaning to read this story further - it's so so interesting - but just not been getting the time. This is all getting quite confusing as well, but in an intriguing way. I'm curious to see where this is all headed, what exactly is up with Dillion and the rabbits. Man, it's all kinda creepy.

Getting to your concerns, your subplots are definitely not dragging. I like reading them; it's good to have breaks from the thick of the mystery to be balanced with other stuff that's happening - such as Wren's classes, her friends, her love life with Albus, and of course the strange new boy. It gives a sense of realism to everything that's going on and doesn't overpower the main plot of the rabbits and Dillion so it's good.

I think so far the continuity is good - there is a nice smooth flow between chapters and I'm enjoying reading the story. The mystery continues to build up and it excites me. I'm worried for Wren - especially now that I know Dillion can somehow connect his mind with the rabbits, and the rabbits with the people they get attached to - it's all quite spooky and dangerous. I can definitely see the rabbits on their way to becoming the 'world's worst fear' - I am just curious to see how it works out further.

All in all, this was another very interesting chapter and I like the pace you're moving at. There were some new details revealed and some more touches to Wren's story herself. I am really excited to read further and I'll try to come back and review as soon as I can.

I don't have any CC for you - really this was superb. Great job!

10/10
Cheers
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:
Hey!

Glad that you're back for more! I guess curiosity is a good thing. We'll roll with that.

I thought that breaks from the overall mystery might be a good thing, but then when my characters started demanding more page time, I wondered if they were overriding the story. I'm glad it adds some realism to the fantastical plot weirdness. :)

Very relived about the flow between chapters and the feeling that the mystery is building. It's definitely spooky, and it's supposed to feel dangerous, so I'm feeling better about that too. And no crit?? Okay, I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks!

Thanks for the review, and for commenting on the specific things that I asked for. Hope to see you again soon!


 Report Review

Review #36, by adluvshpThestrals: Neville

18th January 2015:
Hello! Here for Snake review tag.

This was so very good. I loved your characterisation of Neville. In such short words, I see him grow from the scared insecure boy into a confident brave man. The concept of his grandfather dying and telling him those words, and then those words reiterating throughout the story was very good and powerful. I liked how you breezed through the years this way.

The writing style was very good and I had a great time reading this. I like Neville as a character and the theme of this was nice. Great job all in all!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Heya! *waves*

Ah! Thank you! I was REALLY nervous about writing Neville. He's such a well-loved and admired character, and I just wanted to do him justice. I hope I've achieved that.

I'm very pleased that you enjoyed reading this. Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


 Report Review

Review #37, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Eight of Clubs

18th January 2015:
Hey again! It's been ages since I read this story so I'm glad I got a chance to stop by from review tag!

This story just keeps getting more and more interesting. I do hope poor Narcissa is alright - it looks like an accident on Sirius' part but it could also be a murder staged to look like an accident and to frame Sirius.

But coming back to the beginning of the chapter, it was also intriguing how the letter said one word 'Regulus'. It could mean two things: Regulus is the killer (I find that highly unlikely) or Regulus is the next target (but in that case why was Narcissa injured).

I also find it interesting that Sirius went to his parents and grandfather with the letter. It shows that despite how much he considers himself aloof from his family, he still harbours some amount of respect/love for them and considers them adults and goes to them for 'advice'. The adults' reaction didn't surprise me though - it looks like they are not considering all this a 'killing'. However, it was good that Orion paid some heed to Sirius and decided to consider the letter.

And then the interaction between Regulus and Sirius, oh my. The boys do have fiery tempers don't they? They care for each other but at the same time are at odds with each other and just fail to express their love for the other. It is kinda sad. The shouting match between the two was definitely an engaging read and I kinda had a feeling it was headed towards a bad 'climax'. Behold - the accident happens. I am also curious to see what Barty's role here is - he seems to be observing everything from the sidelines but it very well could mean he's 'calculating' and could be the killer. Unless it's someone altogether new whom we haven't even met in the story yet.

Gah this just keeps getting better and better and I'm glad I got back to the story. I'm excited to read more now and adding this to my favourites so I can come back to it when I have the time.

Great job as usual!!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey there, Aditi! :) It's so great to see you back here again - thank you so much for coming by!

Mm... you'll see next chapter if Narcissa's better or not, obviously I can't say anything now ;) And it is hard to say - accident or planned? :P

Ooh, good theories - I like both of them equally. The letter is definitely important, and definitely trying to tell him something - though either of your theories could fit it.

Yeah, I wanted to show that Sirius is still aware he's a child, and he still is sort of part of the family, even if he's on the very edge of it. He's sort of lingering there, about to fall off :P It's probably more respect than love, though ;) Orion, hm. well, that might lead to something, who knows? But yes, Orion isn't going to dismiss it, though why is up to you ;)

Oh yes! I'm so glad you liked that scene as it was one of my favourites to write, even if it was really hard to do. They definitely both have explosive tempers when riled up, and they really just can't get along. It's kinda sad, tbh, because they should do, and maybe they could do, but for some reason they can't. Barty... no one knows what he's up to. Even I don't know what he's up to :P But observing and calculating are probably pretty close to the mark ;)

Thank you so so much for the review and the favourite - I'm so glad to see you're still enjoying this story, and thank you again for dropping by! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #38, by adluvshp[april turner]: [the library]

16th January 2015:
Hey! Here for the Hot Seat review.

This was an awesome little story. I loved your portrayal of James! It's so different from how I usually read him in fan fiction. Instead of this pompous over-the-head perfect guy, he is just a normal teenager struggling with studies and trying to 'live up' to his parents names. I think it's great what you've done with his characterisation. It gives the story a very fresh theme.

Your writing style was very good too, and I enjoyed the balance between narrative and dialogue - I always love descriptions and you did them well. James and April's gradual friendship was very sweet and I liked how the romantic angle was not stressed but left open to reader's interpretation.

The idea of the study spell thing was very unique too, poor James. I could relate with him, the pressure he felt, and felt for him too. I'm glad he had April with him.

Only one little CC, I noticed you switched the tense (from past to present) at a brief point in the story so I'd suggest going back and fixing it. Rest, it was a very good read and I had a nice time reading it. I would love to read more of your work now too and shall head to your page when I get the time.

Great job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

 Report Review

Review #39, by adluvshpDarkened Allure: Under The Starlight Gaze

11th January 2015:
I CANT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED! NO NO NO! *cries a river* *clutches heart*

Oh my God. Oh my God. Give me a minute to collect myself. *breathes heavily*

Okay so this chapter started amazingly. I loved how you showed Hermione's thoughts, her rational for thinking about Blaise, her burning curiosity to find out why he found her fascinated. The scene at the party was pretty awesome too, especially the kiss. The atmosphere, the actions, the feelings, they were all captured spot on. I was excited to see where their interaction would go when Blaise asked Hermione to meet him.

But the end. Oh my God it totally shocked me. I was so not expecting that. It was so heart wrenching that Blaise had to kill Hermione, and that too for Draco. The twist that she was the target, not Dumbledore, was superb (horrible but superb). The ending conversation between Blaise and Draco was also so sad, especially the final sentence of the story.

All in all, this was really, really well written and I had an amazing time reading it - I just wish it had ended differently. Nonetheless, the impact was there and the darkness of the theme was brilliant. Great job!

10/10
-AditiDraco95

 Report Review

Review #40, by adluvshpDarkened Allure: Fascination

11th January 2015:
Hey! Here for Slytherin Review Exchange.

I loved this! I am a huge fan of Hermione/Blaise (they come second after Draco/Hermione) so I enjoyed reading this. You captured the 'tension' between the two perfectly. I also loved how you characterised Blaise - if he were real, I'd have swooned right there xP Hermione's portrayal was also quite interesting and believable.

Your writing style was smooth, captivating, and very intriguing. I am instantly hooked on to the story and am looking forward to the next chapter. I don't have any CC for you as I really enjoyed this!!

10/10

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

 Report Review

Review #41, by adluvshpa little bit of coolness.: ok, things are getting awkward.

6th January 2015:
Hi! Here for your requested review =) Sorry for the delay!

So this was a sweet little chapter. I liked how we got to know Rose a little bit better here - her character is definitely shaping up. I also like the friendships she shares with Albus and Layla. Her relationship with Scorpius is interesting too, especially after knowing they have a history here. The ending caught me by some surprise - is that a proper proposal for marriage? And I wonder why Rose would want to say no - if she wants to say yes, she should. But obviously, she's insecure and caught up in her complex feelings - which is all quite well portrayed.

For CC, I'd just say to work on your narrative a little bit more. I'd love to see some more description - little details to go with people descriptions, dialogues, and Rose's thoughts to add colour to the story.

Besides that, I like the plot and writing style, and it looks like the story is headed in a good direction.

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey there! No worries. I was late responding too :P

Aww, thanks. I'm glad that my story is heading along the "sweet path". Yes, the proposal makes Rose a bit shocked. That's what I was trying to put across.

I know, my descriptions aren't the best. Chapter five is a bit better (I think)!

Thanks for reviewing!

Missy



 Report Review

Review #42, by adluvshplow tide: a meditation

20th December 2014:
Tag!

Aw this was such a bittersweet little fic. George one shots about losing Fred always make me tear up. This almost did too! I loved your descriptions, and how you expressed his pain and memories of Fred so beautifully, mingling it with the present. The analogy of the tides and all was awesome too. This made me smile and tear up at the same time really - I just want to hug George now.

10/10
Great writing!
-AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Aditi! Ah, I know it's just the saddest thing to think of the twins being separated :( Thank you, I'm really glad you liked the descriptions and metaphors in this, as well as the mingling of present and past as George's memories surface - that means a lot to me! Thanks so much for your review!!

 Report Review

Review #43, by adluvshpa little bit of coolness.: a silky dress and a happy birthday.

20th December 2014:
Hello! Here for your requested review =)

This was a cute little chapter and I enjoyed it. Rose's character is interesting so far though we've not seen enough of her yet. The plot idea looks good too and the way you've set the setting is nice.

Your writing is clear, fluent, and quite pleasant. Your dialogues and narrative are balanced out yet short and sweet. The way you portray her thoughts are good too. It all has a feel-good kinda thing about it.

Nothing more to say! Feel free to re-request when you've next chapter up.

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi AnditiDraco95!

Oh, thanks. I tried to make it a bit cute but I was kind of worried that it would be a bit 'heavy'.

Oh, I've always thought that my writing style was slightly stilted, so you saying that has really made my day. Yes, that was what I was aiming for - a good balance of dialogue and description. Sometimes I go a bit over board on the speech though. I'm glad that it has a good feeling to it because this is not a pure romance story!

Thanks for leaving the review =)

Missy


 Report Review

Review #44, by adluvshpRevixit: And So it Begins

20th December 2014:
Hello! Here for your requested review from the forums. Apologies for the extreme delay in getting to this; I have been quite busy!

This was a good start to your story. I like how you've set the scene, telling the readers when the story is set subtly, and giving us all the minute yet necessary details about Sirius, his past life, and his present situation.

I would say you've been mostly true to his character and I can see you've done your best to stick with what was described of him in the books, so good job there. I also like the camaraderie he has with Remus, it is well written.

The plot itself is very interesting, with the ancient magic book of bringing back the dead and Sirius contemplating on it - especially after his mother died trying to do the spell. Oh and of course the prophecy by Trelawney in the beginning was very intriguing too. I'd say, all in all, nicely put together events and good base for the rest of the story.

I like how your focus is more on the emotions rather than actions. It is definitely a good approach. I like your style of description as well. The only advice I can give at this point is to ensure you keep a good balance between description (narrative) and dialogue. Sometimes, continuous lines of dialogue one after the other can seem a bit boring, and description between them adds colour. Rest, you've got it all under control.

Good start and good luck for the rest of the story. Feel free to re-request!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review and I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond. I feel very reassured of your positive response to my fic, I was beginning to worry and wonder about it's low traffic.

Yes, it is my intention to keep up with the theme and balance I've set up here. I hope you continue to read the story as I update it.


 Report Review

Review #45, by adluvshpAn inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

7th December 2014:
Hey! Here for the TGS review exchange. Sorry for the delay!

This was very, very interesting and awesomely written. I'm not a huge Snape/Lily fan either (I prefer James/Lily) and I always felt that Snape's 'love' for Lily was more obsession than anything, so I really liked how you wrote this. I loved the way you portrayed Snape's thoughts. The writing style was also very catching with the word repetitions. The entire idea of Lily haunting him, and the way he felt for her, all mixed emotions and stuff, was all very nicely done.

All in all, great job! I'm glad I read this =)

10/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey there Aditi and it's no problem!

I'm glad that you liked it as that means a lot to me. Yes, even though I don't like Snape/Lily I still think it's possibly the most interesting relationship to explore in the HP world as no one really knows what went on between them which is why writing this was so much fun!

Thanks for the great review! :D

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #46, by adluvshpThestrals: Sirius

21st November 2014:
Hey! Here for review tag!

Wow, this was just, wow. I have no words. My heart broke reading this. You captured young Sirius' personality so beautifully. His pain, his hatred for his family, his sense of loneliness, everything was perfect. I loved how you gave the story of Sirius leaving home an original spin - of why he did it that day - and it was painful and interesting and just awesome. It is also intriguing how you've based this entire collection on the theme of death/thestrals, morbid but interesting!

I really, really am glad that I read this because it was an awesome piece of writing. Good work!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Heya!

This is probably the darkest piece I've ever written, so I was really nervous about posting this. I'm glad you liked it. Getting Sirius' feelings across in so few words was a challenge. And I'm quite surprised by how well this theme worked out actually! Thanks so much for the wonderful review :)


 Report Review

Review #47, by adluvshpCreeper: Creeper

20th November 2014:
Hey! Here for review tag!

Wow, this was a very interesting one-shot. The idea of those creepy creepers was indeed chilling and fitting for a Halloween theme. Uh I really wish Teddy had bought a gift earlier and not gone to Hogsmede on Halloween, and not bought that dreadful creeper. Poor Vic =(

I loved how you captured the essence of the story in mere 500 words. The descriptions were spot on and the plot of course was very chilling. The only CC I'd give if I had to was to look over the grammar once more. I think there were a few problems with the tenses in the middle - but apart from that, this was great!

Cheers,
AD (AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi there! It was great so wake up to such a nice review! :)

I was thinking about this plot long before I posted it, but the right inspiration wasn't coming along. But there was this Halloween Story writing challenge and this idea seemed perfect for it.

Oh, I know! But that was the mistake. He should have listened to the rumors. :( I felt pretty bad while writing this too, but it is still one of my best writings on this website. :)

Thank you! It wasn't easy at all. I had to edit this again and again and again to make it exactly 500 words long. But no doubt it was super fun and an exciting challenge.

I have revised this before, but I'll go back and look for errors once again. Thanks for letting me know!

Thank you for the lovely review! :D

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #48, by adluvshpHer Choice : A New Beginning

15th November 2014:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums =)

I think this was a good start to your story. I definitely like the plot of Laynie being related to Malfoys and living with them. I definitely look forward to her being given the task of luring Harry to Voldemort. You've set up the entire thing quite well and given all the background info needed in this first chapter. I quite like Laynie's characterisation so far as well, she seems to be innocent and sweet and caring, and it'd be interesting to see how she fits in now in her new world.

I definitely think the story is quite interesting. I don't know about other people but I'd definitely like to read this further and see the direction the plot is headed in. Your narrative is more or less perfect with only a few grammar mistakes here and there, and the entire thing flowed smoothly.

I really liked this so please do re-request as I would love to read further. Good job!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey AD,
I was so excited to see that you had posted!! :)
I am even more excited that you like it so far!!! :):):)
I am Def going to come back and rerequest! I am so happy you don't see any flaws with my story so far and that I'm doing pretty good. Thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing!

-Lindsey


 Report Review

Review #49, by adluvshpHunger: Hunger

10th November 2014:
Hey! Here for your requested review =)

Wow, this was so very creepy. I honestly shivered at Fenrir's thoughts. It was kind of disgusting and yet terrifying at the same time. The way Fenrir seemed delighted to be this monster, how he fantasised about taking her - both as a man and a wolf - was so spooky and horrible and chilling. I really felt for the poor girl.

The story somehow reminded me of red riding hood, just a very, very darker version of the same. I think it was something about the girl's red cape. I definitely enjoyed this version more though; I love reading such dark and creepy stories that make you question the morals of the characters. In this case, Fenrir did not have any morality at all, and it was interesting how the wolf had overpowered his man form. The only 'human' thoughts he had were of taking the girl for himself in an 'inappropriate' manner, with no regard for her pain or sorrow. Even his humanity was that of a monster, and I loved that.

I think you definitely nailed Fenrir's character here. I saw a hint of this kind of monstrosity in him in canon (especially towards Hermione), so it's interesting how you took that and expanded upon it. Your descriptions were vivid and amazing and made me see everything through his eyes - I was in his head - and that was brilliantly done.

The writing style was awesome as well, your use of vocabulary and imagery was wonderful. The entire narrative flowed smoothly and I didn't see any issues with anything at all. The emotions underlying the story were very nicely captured and the wolf/man's hunger was beautifully illustrated. I really, really loved reading this - it was so thrilling.

The only little CC that I have is that I noticed a few small grammatical errors here and there. A couple of misplaced commas, like "it's" instead of "its" and so on, which I think can be corrected easily with a thorough re-read. Besides that, I don't have any CC to give you because really, this one shot was perfect and I had a great time reading it.

Good job!
-AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey Aditi!

Thanks so much. It was a lot of fun to write this one, and I really wanted to nail the idea of Fenrir being so morally bankrupt. In Cannon he's described as reveling in being a werewolf rather than believing it to be a curse so I wanted to capture that and illustrate the utter lack of humanity and compassion that others possess.

I will definitely give it another read through and fix those mistake! Thanks so much for reviewing!

xx-Wolfgirl


 Report Review

Review #50, by adluvshpHurting You: Hurting You

8th November 2014:
Hey! Here for the review swap.

This was a sad little one-shot. I liked your plot idea, it was interesting and fresh. The fact that Harry was dead was very sad indeed. Poor Lily, she couldn't tell him everything she wanted to when he was alive. I definitely felt for her.

I liked the way you expressed the entire story by mostly using Lily's dialogue. It was nicely done. However, for some constructive criticism, I'd suggest to include a bit more description of her thoughts and feelings rather than have her say everything; more description of the past situation and the current surroundings, rather than just using dialogue to convey it all. It would definitely make the narrative flow better in my opinion and improve this wonderful piece of writing. I'd also suggest to go over the spelling and grammar as I did notice a few mistakes here and there; or you could get a beta to look that over for you.

Besides that, I really did like reading this. The emotions were deeply set and I felt for Lily, could relate with her. Her love for dancing, her regret of leaving home and of never visiting/writing, her frustration with not being good enough and with the Potter name, came through quite well. The ending was bittersweet and fitting to the story.

All in all, I think this was very good though it certainly does have room for improvement. Good job!

Thanks for swapping,
Aditi (AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I wrote this quite a while ago so I'll have to go back through it and see if I can add some extra descriptions and things to improve the flow. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>