Reading Reviews From Member: The Empress
406 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The EmpressFull Bloom: II: Honeybees

19th February 2014:
Celeste ♥
I'm going to do my best to be constructive and not just squee my way through this.

Narcissa is all kinds of perfect. I think many of us, myself included, have preconceived notions of who Narcissa is a character, despite the small role she plays in the books. You've created here an interesting, multi-dimensional creature who draws me in as she speaks. Her reasoning and feelings and thoughts about Malfoy and her parents and her sisters. Her character shines, especially in simple lines like when he asks if she is ready to marry and she says yes and "Why ever not?" And in the paragraph just above that when she describes herself as the least important daughter who is her parents' last hope. It says a lot about her family and how she feels about them and how she sees herself as a part of them.

Your description of their living arrangements was wonderful. Separate in every way and the ways in which Malfoy tries to appear important; like two house elves they hardly need. You say so much in so little and it really brings the characters and setting to life for me. The way Narcissa describes the banality of her life and how, in front of company, he takes her hand and they play a game. She's not unhappy as she might have been, in fact she seems so content, and that is interesting to me. It's as if the idea of a fairy tale or even rather ordinary romance never occurs to her.

The plot is engaging and moving forward nicely. I am looking forward to seeing future chapters and I hope you'll keep me apprised as you update! I'd love to review more for you.


Author's Response: Shiloh! Thank you so much for so generously taking up my request. I apologize for taking an eternity to respond to this, but school picked up and one thing snowballed into another and I had no time at all to come back to this. :/

Thank you so much! I'm so happy that you seem to take on to Narcissa's characterization. I admit to not having read much of her in fanfic, but I definitely have a distinct idea of who she is as a daughter, wife and especially as a person. I'm really glad to see that you think it's carrying through.

And you're right -- the idea of a fairytale or of romance really never occurs to her. I think it partly has to do with her low self-esteem. I don't think she can really imagine herself being swept off her feet. And it partly has to do with Andromeda's departure. In my head, Andromeda was always the very whimsical dreamer, so with her departure, all of Narcissa's whimsies kind of shriveled up and made her a very practical and hard-headed person. Thank you so much about the lovely things you've said so far about the story. I'll definitely try and keep you updated. I really appreciated hearing your thoughts!


 Report Review

Review #2, by The EmpressThe Beast, the Chest, and the Storm: The Beast

7th February 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review. Sorry it's taken so long.

This is a very original premise! And interesting as well. You've obviously put some very real thought into your characters and the setting. I'm intrigued by the idea of Selkies living in the lake and their fear and hatred of the 'termen'. And the assumption that the Beast is an evil being sent by the termen to attack them. This definitely has the potential to get very exciting!

Judging by the name of the story, I'd guess that the chest holds no benign object. It is also very telling that there is a guard set at all times. I'm curious!

The base for your plot in this first chapter is, I think, very strong. And it flows really well. I don't think it's confusing at all! The vagueness lends to the mystery and leaves it open for development.

For a first chapter, your characters are very strong! From the interactions they have we learn a lot about them and that's awesome! So I don't think you have anything to worry about there.

Hope this was helpful

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much! This response is really late, so you probably won't even see it... but I'm responding anyway!

I'm glad you thought it was original! I had a lot of fun thinking it all through.

You're right that the chest is. significant... (wink).

Thanks so much for the helpful review!

 Report Review

Review #3, by The EmpressThe Will to Live: Chapter One: Gryffindors Amuck

5th February 2014:
Hi! Here with your requested review :) Sorry it's taken this long!

Ok, so you asked about pacing and flow. I did read the first chapter before this and first of all, really well written prologue. I don't think it's something I would usually get into but it was really well done. The pacing was perfect, the feelings of danger and fear came through with impact, and the characters were interesting.

This chapter I felt came across as a bit scattered. I think maybe you spent too much time trying to describe what was going on in the squished compartment. Rather than painting a clear picture of the action it left me feeling muddled and confused. I think less description of specific body parts and people and instead more focus on what exactly Sam thinks and feels would communicate that section better. It just seemed awkward.

The flow and pacing, however, good. You moved between mini-scenes smoothly.

You asked if the Marauders seemed in character or OOC. That's a hard question to answer! Sometimes it's easy to point and say yes, so and so is way out of character. With characters like James and Lily, and even Sirius, Remus, and Peter, it's harder because we all have a different idea of who exactly they are and what they're like. With Remus and Sirius and Peter we see them later in life when all that they have lived and experienced has shaped who they are. As teenagers, really, they could be any sort of person and we've only got a few clues as to who those people are. So, yes, I think you wrote them convincingly. Are they out of character? They didn't strike me as such and I think you seem to have a firm grasp on them.

Samantha kind of annoyed me. Perhaps as the story continues we'll get to see more of her character and as you write more of her she'll grow to be more bearable. As a first chapter, I would have liked to see more development for her. Well, more of a foundation. She spent most of this being annoyed or there was mention of her facial expressions but no real indication of her feelings and motivations. The things that really give a character life.

You worry that it maybe is falling flat or is boring. I don't think it's boring! I think the drastic switch from the prologue to the first chapter is confusing, but that is the nature of a WIP. It's easier to keep going and figure out what is happening when there is more story to read! So keep writing and I do think this story will garner the interest you hope for.
A suggestion: The first chapter is really well written. This one is well written but doesn't seem to have had as much thought behind it. Perhaps you could take the time to give it some more thought and direction :)

Hope this was helpful!

Author's Response: Hey Shiloh! Don't apologize at all, apparently it's taken me over a year to even respond :'( I'm the worst, and poofed, I'm sorry. Thank you so much for just taking the time to read, review, and put so much thought into this review too. I really appreciate it, I swear!

I'm glad you enjoyed the Prologue, seems to be the favorite piece of this story so far. Maybe I should write purely action/adventure since I have that pacing down. Yes, you right that I put a lot of time and thought into that chapter as opposed to this one. I did put time, actually to be real, years into building this chapter and getting it to where it is. But, perhaps, my execution was really off in the compartment seen with all the body parts flying around and really heaping mess of confusion (though that's what I wanted the reader to feel, I didn't want it to be difficult to understand). I'll try and see what I can do to ground that portion a bit more with tangible thoughts, etc. Thanks for that bit of CC :)

You're right, OOC-ness is definitely tricky with lesser known characters. I'm glad you felt my versions, so to speak, were convincing enough in this opening chapter. That makes me happy. They are hard to get a handle on, all those personalities haha. I never want to make Rems too shy, or Peter to sulky and stupid, or Sirius a womanizer, or James a complete bad word I can't type here.

Hahaha, well, I'm not sorry Samantha annoyed you She's kind of brat with minimal motivation, so, that's intentional. She'll grow up eventually...whether or not you like her, well, nothing I can predict there. Hopefully so ;)

Thanks for your helpful CC and comments about this chapter, you're a very thoughtful and thorough reviewer.


 Report Review

Review #4, by The EmpressQuelques ans après-A few years later: Visite inattendue

31st January 2014:
I'm curious about the back story here. How Hermione and Draco came together and why no one knows about them.
Kingsleys reaction was humorous. And Draco certainly has quite the sense of humor.

Interesting premise. Good luck with your story!

Author's Response: I probably will get to the back story sometime. The one in my head is quite funny. So...we'll see.

I'm glad you thought Kingsley's reaction was humorous and Draco had a sense of humour.

Thanks for the review. Hope you'll keep reading!

 Report Review

Review #5, by The EmpressWide Awake : You're So Vain

30th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your second requested review :)

You asked about Sirius and my thoughts on his reactions in this chapter.

I obviously haven't read any chapters between the first and this one but I think I have a pretty good grasp on how you have characterized Sirius. You describe him as a playboy but in this chapter he doesn't seem that way at all. Now, putting that together with the character of Gemma and his relationship with her I can assume that he is reformed, or in the process of reforming.

In canon, Sirius is not necessarily a playboy but we can assume it's a definite possibility. JKR said that he considered himself too rebellious to ever get married. There are a couple different reasons he may have felt that way and I think you touched on at least one here. The idea that he doesn't want to marry well and please his family, or that he doesn't want to marry badly and put his wife through the possible dangers presented by his family. Dangers we know to be real and present, as demonstrated by Bellatrix and her hate for Nymphadora. You mention that when Sirius is talking to Gio and he voices his concern over a Black family member finding Gemma wandering about unprotected. So in that sense you keep very well in canon.

As for his separation anxiety, I have doubts. However, if you have, and I suspect you have, set his character up to react this way then it reads as quite plausible. From a canon point of view I have trouble believing that he would suffer from, as termed, 'separation anxiety'. His reaction could be, however, termed as extreme concern, relating to his fear concerning his family hurting Gemma. He does get a little pathetic, describing how Gemma is the only one who can give him the kind of love and attention he needs to soothe his separation anxiety. In my opinion, if Sirius were that needing of someone like Gemma, he would never have developed the playboy persona in the first place. Instead, he'd have been in many relationships where he was more invested than his partner was, not the other way round.
A more plausible explanation for his distress about Gemma disappearing and his apparent need for her/concern for her, would be that with Gemma, it is the first time he has worried so selflessly about a girl. We know he would die for his friends, they have had six plus years to prove to him that they are true, steady friends. Gemma is fairly new in his life. Would he have worried so completely over a girl that, as a playboy, he had really invested no heart in? No, of course not. He would bravely do what he could to save them if they were in any danger but he wouldn't freak out just because they took a weekend away from him and Hogwarts. The idea of a playboy Sirius and a Sirius suffering with this kind of anxiety are two very different characters, perhaps made more stark in my point of view because I have only read your initial characterization of him compared to this.

In an otherwise very strong chapter (yay!) this one piece of Sirius' characterization, I think, detracts from him as a whole and he comes off a bit annoying because of it. I loved the Sirius at the beginning of the chapter, hitting bludgers indiscriminately and goofing off at Quidditch practice. I'd love to see more of that Sirius, who makes me smile, rather than the Sirius who cannot function without his girlfriend.


Author's Response: Omg omg omg, this is the longest review I've ever received and omg, it's brilliant. Seriously, where do I begin??

In this story, I'm writing 4 different romances going at the same time, so I'm trying to diversify each couple as much as I can. Now, there are some overlaps, sure, but for the most part, I want each relationship to stand on its own and prove its own point. That's one of the reasons why I decided to make Sirius a playboy - simply because no one else was. I actually really enjoy fics where he's much closer to canon, in the sense that he's not a playboy and a bit more reserved when it comes to girls, but I wanted to do something fresh with him.

But, that being said, I did want to show his transformation into his more "canon" self. I alluded to this in the disclaimer in the first chapter, but he doesn't start off as the person you'd expect him to be. He's extremely loyal to his mates, but I figured that if he ran away from his family, he had to have some scars. So that's why I decided to make him the playboy as well - because he chooses to take out his frustration and anger by having unattached flings with girls.

And therefore, I made him end up with a girl who very similar to him, but also very different. She has a problem with commitment, because she's so used to being on her own, and in her own way, she's very rebellious. She would never admit it, though. She just thinks being a wandering hippie bohemian is normal, even though most people don't smoke gillyweed and have psychic visions. But she's different from him because she didn't come from a prominent pureblood family. So, that's why I made him fall for her so hard. He's so used to having his outlet for his anger and frustration and she fits in that gap and makes it into something positive. Yes, he's so wimpy and needy in this chapter, but I hope that explains WHY he's that way - because he needs her to help him get through his grief, in a way that none of his mates can.

I tried to set it up so the reader sees this entire transformation, but I think I need to make it a bit more clear. In order to make everything equal, I've tried to make each chapter around the same length (to avoid making any favorites), and I know I was pushing the limit here with this chapter ... so I think in Sirius' next chapter, he's going to get a bit more introspective and figure all these things out. This is honestly the hardest ship to figure out for me (I mean, Lily and James are hard, simply because I want them to be canon as possible), so your review really helped me figure exactly where I want to go with him. That means SO much to me, you don't even know!!

Again, thank you so much for this beautiful, wonderful review,


 Report Review

Review #6, by The EmpressWarfare: 7 September, 2022

30th January 2014:
Definitely my favorite chapter so far :)

We see a lot of Penelope in this chapter and definitely learn a lot about her character. I love how you set up the scene, describing how much she loves the library because of the organization. Especially versus the way that her morning had gone. It gives a sense of her just trying to relax, breathe deeply, and move on with her day. Which is then completely ruined by James' entrance. I love that this was all from Penelope's point of view so we have no idea what James is thinking. Even without his perspective, I think we get a marvelous view of what he thinks and feels just by Penelope's description and reactions. He seems very upset by the fact that she remains irritated with him and won't accept her apology and it makes me think he's very used to everyone adoring him. (In which case he reminds me SO much of his grandfather and I love that.)

The scene with her friends was, likewise, brilliant. I love that she is equally annoyed with Chris and the little bit about how much time and effort Lewis is putting into his essay. (To refer back to my review for chapter 2, I would love to see a scene like this with the Lions where you point out little things like that, which say so much about a character.) The argument about the blue bottle and her declaration that she's going to strangle Chris really sums up how her day has gone, and brings the chapter to a neat ending, and I like how Lewis tries to get them off that topic quickly, as if he's either playing peacemaker or is trying to maintain his personal sanity.

Cliffhanger! I love it.

Okay, being nit-picky. This is going to sound insane, that I even noticed this. :P
You use a lot of words that end in 'ly'. Well, let me rephrase that. You use words that end in 'ly' a lot. But they aren't varied. I saw 'practically' used a lot, that's the one that jumped out at me, and then I picked up on the others because I was thinking about it, particularly when I read through the second time. It's not exactly an error, and most readers maybe wouldn't notice, but it was a bit distracting and I like to think someone as intelligent and creative as Penelope has a more varied vocabulary. Although to be honest I probably would not have mentioned it except then Simon says it as well. They do seem to have a penchant for adverbs.
To adverb or not to adverb?

I really have no other criticism, this was a solid chapter. If anything I'd say just run a quick spelling/grammar check in word. That should catch whatever you may have missed.


Author's Response: I was hoping that making James like a Harry/James I hybrid wouldn't make him too cliche or anything, so I'm really glad that you like him a lot. I'm also glad that this is your favorite chapter, because it seems that no one really reviewed it unless I asked haha!

Ah! Thank you for the suggestion, and I will remember that. I suppose I don't think about putting the little things in there, because James isn't a very observant young man and he doesn't think about those kinds of things. I will take what you said into consideration, and I will try to implement that into my next chapter.

I am SO TERRIBLE with adverbs. It really is like, my downfall. Thank you so much for pointing that out, I will be sure to take a look at that!

Thanks for taking the time to review!


 Report Review

Review #7, by The EmpressWhen Perseus Met Andromeda: When Perseus Met Andromeda

28th January 2014:
Hello! I'm here from review tag :)
I couldn't resist scrolling all the way to the bottom of your page. And I definitely couldn't resist reading a Ted/Andromeda story! I absolutely loved it. And imagine my surprise when he was dreaming about Bellatrix!
This was a perfectly wonderful imagining of what may have brought them together. Well, at least what may have started the ball rolling :)

Your characterizations of all the characters were lovely. Especially Ted and Andromeda. And with all the OCs you were juggling, for a one-shot they are so well developed. That Doreen sounds like quite the character!

I really enjoyed this story :)

Author's Response: Hey there - nice to see you stopping by! :)

Haha, I know what you mean - they're a lovely, lovely pairing, and I always regret that there's not more of it on the archives. But, anyway - I'm so glad you liked it! :) Particularly the bit involving Bellatrix... I really didn't want to do the 'love at first sight' type thing, so, having ended up writing it somehow, I left it in, though I wasn't sure how it would go down ;) So I'm so happy you thought it worked well!

Gah, thank you so much! I'm always nervous about writing OCs because they're not something I'm hugely comfortable with, and find very difficult, so it's so lovely to hear that you thought they were good! And yes, Doreen is quite fun - I do like her :)

Thank you so much for the review! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #8, by The EmpressWarfare: 1 September, 2022

28th January 2014:
Shiloh again, with your requested review :)
You asked about characterization this time so I'll focus on that :)

James was great. I liked the part where he denied being Harry's son to avoid that second year. It says a lot about what sort of person James is and how he feels about his family. I also liked how enthusiastic he was about his plans for general mischief in the year to come.

However, besides James, the boys do read a little flat. I don't think that's necessarily a problem this early in the story, but you'll definitely want to give them some dimension as your story continues.
I like that Raph is obsessed with Quidditch, it's a nice nod to his parentage and I got a laugh from James' feelings toward the girls who like Raph. But, again, that section felt more about James than Raph. So far all I know about Raph is that he's a handsome Quidditch mad friend of James.
My impression of Fred is that he'll go on to be quite funny and a bit idiotic but right now he feels like a backdrop for James not a strong character in his own light.
Liam we learned little about this chapter. I suppose he's going to be the voice of reason and caution in the future.

My main impression is that this chapter was about James. The other characters don't grab me as being very important and frankly from this point on if they didn't show up again I wouldn't miss them or think they should be there. You've laid a general foundation for what sort of character they might become but didn't really build any sort of individuality for them.

Other than characterization, this chapter was marvelous. :) I really read James' excitement for the coming year and all of his plans. His speech is perfectly over-the-top and outlandish. I laughed a good bit imagining his grandiose ideas. In conjunction with the previous chapter I'm excited to see where this leads.

One thing I would point out is that when Fred smacks Liam's book you have Liam stuff it in his bag and then two sentences later wave it in Fred's face, but he never took it out again in between.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for letting me know. I was having a hard time envisioning how each character would be. I think the reason they are flatter is because I was so scared that they would end up being complete reflections of the Ravenclaws, so I kind of toned them down a bit. Their personalities do show a lot more later, especially Liam.

Thanks for pointing that out! Something I missed in the editing.

Thank you for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #9, by The EmpressA Picnic to Remember : The Surprise

27th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here from review tag :)

Very cute! I love the Teddy/Dom pairing, much better than Teddy/Victoire.

I like how he planned something so special just to ask her out. And you wrote him so well! His stumbling over what he wants to ask her is adorable.
I'd love to see an edited, polished version of this because it is pure, fluffy, wonderfulness :)


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing =)

I am glad you liked my Teddy/Dom pairing! I have never liked Teddy/Victoire much either!

I love Teddy as a character so I am pleased you liked my portrayal of him and found him adorable.

Yes, I still need to take out time to polish this story but I surely will one day soon =)


 Report Review

Review #10, by The EmpressWide Awake : I Shot the Sheriff

27th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

First of all, I LOVE your chapter titles. They're brilliant.

Second, I really liked this first chapter. Everything was so true to the era, I felt like you have a good idea of what you want this story to look like. Your characterizations were great as well. I smiled at the antics of the four boys and I like how different they all are. I know it can be easy to lump them all together but you give them unique voices.

Remus as the mastermind! I like that. And that Peter is the only one with a steady relationship.

Very creative beginning to your story! I'm sure, considering how well developed this first chapter is, you are managing several points of view just fine!


Author's Response: Oh awesome, that was quick!

I'm glad you like the titles! I'm such a music nerd so I couldn't resist digging into my oldies collection :D

I'm also really happy that you think it's true to the era! I know my interpretations of the Marauders are different than most but I wanted to exaggerate their personalities to make the story more interesting/dynamic. So I know people don't like Sirius as a playboy, but his sexual promiscuity ties into his canon details - after all, JK said he was too much of a rebel to ever get married! And Remus, omg I always saw him having this completely devious side ... I mean he WAS a Marauder after all. And yeah, I wanted to give Peter some life, because let's face it, most people skip over him.

I'm always nervous that I have too many things going on in my group chapters, so it's good to know things flow well :D

Thanks so so much for your review Shiloh!!


 Report Review

Review #11, by The EmpressHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 00 Prologue

26th January 2014:
Hello! Shiloh here, with your requested review.

You didn't mention anything specific in your request, so I'll just give you my general impressions and thoughts.

First, to the plot. It's intriguing! The summary caught my eye, with the mention of muggles harnessing the power of magic. This first chapter was a nice setup for that.

I liked the small details, like that Cassandra was wearing hot pink heels. And her trepidation in having to deal with the director. It says a lot about who he is and what sort of person he is. Her anxiety and the way she straightens her badge and checks her hair, and her cold-blooded feeling toward the dead test-subjects, says a lot about her. You did well with giving the reader a nice idea of their personalities and character without going into too much detail.

The sciency stuff is well done also! Not too technical, so the average person can understand what's going on, but spot on for believable. I can tell you've put a lot of thought into what you're writing and how you're going to write it. It adds strength to your concept and gives the reader faith in what you're building.

As for CC: I think it needs a bit of polishing. Nothing major, but there are a couple of awkward sentences.
-->After minutes of walking, she finally arrived feeling rather exhausted after a long day, but the job needed to get done.
The last part of that sentence just doesn't read right. Maybe you could add 'knowing' between 'but' and 'the'.
-->She knew that the director bared no love for politicians of any kind.
Should be 'bore'.
-->From a cabinet, he took the long piece of wood that always spaked fascination in her.
'Spaked'. You probably meant 'sparked'.

I don't think I have anything else to add. Fairly short chapter, but good length for a prologue. And it really sets up the story well. Good luck with the rest of your novel!


Author's Response: Heya! So sorry for the late response. I'm here though which is good.

I'm happy that you think the plot is intriguing. Muggles are definitely trying to get magic, something the purebloods were afraid of.

Cassandra so far is my favorite OC. She's this young woman who just wants to learn and is devoted to science and the advancement of the human race. She wants to be remembered throughout the ages through whatever discovery comes around.

Believe it or not, but science was not my forte in high school or college. So why I decided to do this, I do not know. So I'll be "dumbing" this down for my sake XD hahaha. I've definitely done my research but there are something that I do not understand or don't take for consideration. However, I'm basing my story with magic so that gives me a bit of room to "make mistakes".

Thank you for the CC! That's why I request reviews, the more people read it and tell me the small mistakes, the more polished this will be. I went ahead and edited those out.

Thank you very much for your kind review and so sorry for the delayed response.


 Report Review

Review #12, by The EmpressWarfare: 1 September, 2022

26th January 2014:
Hi! Shiloh here, with your requested review :)

First of all, I should say I quite enjoyed this. Don't worry that it's not entertaining, it is. The flow is wonderful. I think writers often struggle with transitions from not just one scene to another but one subject to another. You handled it beautifully, moving from cookie butter to cancer to spiders very well. Seamless.

I especially am impressed that this first chapter is all original characters, save the brief mention of James. Your characters are very full and you have such a firm grasp of who they are. Little details like Christopher's entrance into the compartment, and Penelope taking Lewis' jumper to clean it are wonderful. They count for so much in regards to the characters and it's important to have those sorts of things. It gives the reader a broader view of who they are and without going into agonizing lengths of detail about their history it gives them life and individuality.
The friendship between these four is apparent and crafted nicely.

You asked about description as well. It was perfect. For a humorous piece, like this, that isn't relying on flowery or poetic style and language, the minimal amount of description you provided is perfect. Too much and the reader gets bored and bogged down with unimportant things. Especially in something like fan fiction where the reader is likely extremely familiar with the setting. In this case the Hogwarts Express. We don't need lots and lots of description to understand where the story takes place. You write with familiarity and assume the reader already knows where they are and what you're referring to. So yes, in terms of length your description perfect. I'd like to add that I also appreciate that you don't take extra paragraphs to give us a perfect rendition of what each character looks like. It's not important, and at later points in the story you can add in little bits of description to give us that.

I really enjoyed reading this and I hope you come back to re-request further chapters :)

Author's Response: Hi Shiloh! :)

I'm very happy that you found it entertaining! It's not my normal writing style compared to my other story, so I was worried about not pulling off a more comedic piece like this. My transitions were seamless? Oh, I'm blushing XD

Yup! All the lovely Ravenclaws are mine :) That is one thing I do pride myself on is characters and their development. Because of the style of this story and what I'm trying to achieve, I really took the time to craft each of their back stories as well as possible so that I could give the reader a real look into who my characters are.

*wipes sweat off brow* I am so glad you said that. I was scared that my style of description was going to end up lacking. Thank you for saying that it worked!

I'll be re-requesting as soon as your slots open up! :)


 Report Review

Review #13, by The EmpressCareful What You Wish For: Brothers and Sisters

22nd January 2014:
Hi! I'm here from review tag :)

I love the idea of writing a story about someone in Oliver's year. I'm interested to see if there'll be a good amount of Percy, a truly under-appreciated character. Anyway, I'm always curious to see stories that take place when the Trio are at Hogwarts. To see others; perspective on events.

I like this first chapter :) I love that you captured the differences between the triplets. It always bugged me that Fred and George were so the same. Being a twin myself, it bugs me when multiples are written that way. Anyway, you introduced those three really well.

Lovely chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Percy is one of my favourite characters! I am so tempted to write something else, focused solely on him! But yes, he does appear in this story!

I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and the differences between the triplets - I'm a twin, too, and I get so mad when people compare my sister and so much!


 Report Review

Review #14, by The EmpressSix O'clock: Six O'clock

21st January 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the review tag.
I really liked that you chose to portray such a small moment. What someone might have been feeling as they waited for a loved one to return. To know they are safe. I particularly liked the little details you put into this, like your main character drawing circles in the dust and paying such close attention to every passing minute.

One thing: You missed a few capitlisations in the last couple pieces of dialogue. Not a big deal but a bit distracting.

Anway, nice one-shot!

Author's Response: Hi! t was written for a SOC challenge which is the reasons for the crazy typos, I mean was in the heat of the emotion whilst I was writing, I love this one shot. I think more one-shot about such moments in the war should be around.

 Report Review

Review #15, by The EmpressYou Won't Forget: I

21st January 2014:
Hello! I popped over from TGS to browse your page. Congratulations on being featured!
This story caught my eye because of Richard on your banner ♥

At first it took me a bit to figure out the change in points of view, but I'm a bit slow ;) Once I realized, I could immediately hear their voices in my head and WOW. I absolutely love this. Everything about it. Truthfully, it stole my breath.

The pick ups from one pov to another, as if they were having the exact same thoughts is just gorgeous. I am in love with this story and this style and everything about it.

You captured the emotion and movement of the scene so beautifully. I could feel their heartbreak and their longing and their loyalty and love. I at once both wanted them to have a happy ending together and also didn't want that because their spouses were so wonderful to them. And they so obviously loved them too.

This line --> enveloping two loves within a single heart has come with a heavy burden. So. Much. Love.

I've read through it twice and I'm gong to read it again because I swear with each reading I'm going to love it more and more.


Author's Response: Shiloh! I am so sorry I never responded to this review, but I want to thank you SO much for coming to visit my author page! I was so excited to be featured, and it makes me happy that it brought you over to my neck of the woods :)

This is probably one of the riskier stories I've posted, just because I wasn't sure if the POV changes would work for people. I read a oneshot with some similar elements (I can't remember the name of it right now, but it's a Romione by TenthWeasleyWriter, who is wonderful), and I wanted to try my hand at the back-and-forth style. I had never seen a whole story written this way before, and I hoped it wouldn't be too weird. I'm so glad you ended up enjoying it, though! I'm pretty proud of how it turned out :)

Your reaction to their conflict is exactly what I had in mind :) I wanted to show how difficult it was for them to be fully happy with what they have when there's always that "what if" lurking in the back of their minds. I'm so happy that it spoke to you, and that you enjoyed reading it.

This review makes me so happy! I just don't even know what to say, really. I'm so flattered that you liked this! Thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful encouragement. I appreciate it so much! :)


 Report Review

Review #16, by The EmpressThe Founders Four: Prologue

19th January 2014:
Good chapter! I was totally in the moment and felt as if I could feel the bite of the cold and hear the king's harsh voice. I am usually skeptical when it comes to Founder's stories but you've completely pulled me in! I'm excited to read on and see what comes next.

Your imagery was great. I especially liked the description of the dying mother. Very sad and you wrote it so well.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so happy you liked it. Yeah, people often skip a Founders story, I guess it's not everyone cup of tea, but I'm glad you think this was good :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by The EmpressThe Network: Traitor

19th January 2014:
I think it's a satisfactory ending! I actually quite love this ending. She hasn't completely redeemed herself or anything but she has finally done something selfless. It's a starting point for her and I think that's a marvelous way to end the story.

I love how you wrote Harry, Ron, and Hermione's escapade in. And how Marietta made a quick decision that went against everything she's been telling herself. Taking the risk to help Reg and Mary was a big thing.

Completely enjoyed this story. :)

Author's Response: Aww, I'm so relieved to hear that the ending worked for you! There never was going to be a huge conclusive final note to the story; there never was going to be a sudden massive change in Marietta's character. I dunno, she's a character who won't change suddenly or easily, perhaps over the years, gradually. Your comments on the ending were absolutely encouraging; thank you, they really mean a lot to me.

And I'm glad you like the Trio's escapade! I simply had to write that little episode into my fic!

Thank you once again for your fabulous reviews, Shiloh ♥ They've been wonderful, and I've loved reading them. ♥


 Report Review

Review #18, by The EmpressThe Network: Sneak

19th January 2014:
I think this chapter may have been better than the first! I love how you write Marietta. Almost a hint of her knowing that what's going on is wrong but her staunch refusal to badmouth the Ministry. Her fear of arrest.
This relationship(?) with Reg is so bizarre and fascinating. I can't figure where she's going with it.

I'm on to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Well, it's good to know the chapters are getting better, haha! :P Her relationship with Reg is indeed bizarre; I'm glad you picked up on the strangeness of it. Thanks for this review!


 Report Review

Review #19, by The EmpressThe Network: Rat

19th January 2014:
I saw this was featured at TGS and decided to pop over and take a look. I see why it was voted Most Imaginative! I am thoroughly intrigued. I, like many others I am sure, have never given much thought to what happened to Marietta after she ratted out the DA. This is so creative an imagining of what she might have gone on to do!

I love the way you've characterized her. Especially in her interactions with Cho. Her apparent obliviousness to why her old friend may not be so friendly toward her anymore.
I also really like the references to SNEAK. The way you've written her bitterness about the incident is brilliant.

Can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Hello Shiloh!

Gah, thank you SO MUCH for all your surprise reviews on this story! ♥ I really do appreciate them, and you taking the time to drop by and read this story of mine to the end.

I'm glad you like how I've characterised Marietta; I rather enjoyed writing her, especially since she's such an unlikable character in the books, and I wanted to explore motives and character in more detail.

Thanks again for your reviews! They were such a wonderful surprise to wake up to!


 Report Review

Review #20, by The EmpressTom's War: Tom's War

18th January 2014:
I really enjoyed this piece. The way you've written Tom is perfect, and I also enjoy Minerva's character. The competition between them and the hint that he doesn't actually try to compete with her. His vague superiority. And the mixture of fascination and revulsion toward the muggle war. I love how you've written his reaction to the bombing, talking about how artless it is compared to Minerva thinking about how terrible it is.

I like the flow of this, it just begs to be read. The juxtaposition of Minerva's teenage behavior against Tom's preternaturally adult like behavior. His rigid politeness and perfect manners. The little things he does to set her on edge. It's just gorgeous wordsmith.

Just wonderful :)

 Report Review

Review #21, by The EmpressNocturne: Nocturne

18th January 2014:
This is beautiful. I always love reading about Severus in this sort of context - thinking about Lily. Comparing his life to a potion, how things might have been different, a different formula. It's perfect.
I especially like this line: Except perhaps Potter. Prowling around the castle like he owns it.
It really sums up his feelings about Harry.
And this one: He thinks then about the multitudes of lives he could have led had his life been formulated correctly.
Snape's life really was a tragedy and some of it wasn't his fault. You summed that up really well in this short vignette. It's wonderful.

Author's Response: Shiloh,

Again, I'm sorry for the horrendously late response. Thank you for giving this little one-shot a chance :)

Potions, Severus, Lily, and Severus's dislike of Harry are all subjects I'm interested in writing about, so I'm glad you liked how this little one-shot turned out.

Thanks again for reading!

 Report Review

Review #22, by The EmpressFull Bloom: I: Sunflower Oil

18th January 2014:
Celeste it's gorgeous! I love this interpretation of Lucius and Narcissa. Usually they're completely svelte and snooty and perfect purebloods and I just love how you're writing them. :) The interaction between them is so awkward; I can just see a young Narcissa, practical and blunt, telling Lucius he hasn't got a chance with Anna.
I just love how you've written all three sisters. Anna eloping, Bella pursuing a Lestrange. The big, fancy wedding, the shame the Black's felt over Anna. It's interesting to read it all from Narcissa's point of view.

I can't wait to see more!

 Report Review

Review #23, by The EmpressSuperhero: Paper People

18th January 2014:
I'm intrigued by the idea of a superhero! Very creative :) I think it's interesting, the idea that a witch could use her powers to be a superhero to the muggles. And having to avoid being caught by the ministry!
Great idea.
If I would give one criticism, it's that it gets a bit hard to follow at one point toward the end. When your main character is reading the paperwork. I had to read it twice to get where her thought process was going. I guess, personally, I was confused how she went from not knowing about this 'superhero' to being them.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I was very enthusiastic about it when it first popped into my head :) Everything just seemed to fit really well, and my imagination sort of ran away with me.
Oh, does it? I'll have a read through now and see what I can tweak, hopefully make it clearer. She simply never made the connection between who her friend was talking about- a guy- and herself, but yeah, I'll definitely look at reworking it.
Thank you for the helpful criticism and lovely review! :)

 Report Review

Review #24, by The EmpressKingdom Come: Kingdom Come

18th January 2014:
Well, that was perfectly awful. :)
I loved how you used the italics to weave the tragedy in with the rest of the story. Very clever and very interesting. It kept me on the edge of my seat.
Very, very well written. As always! I liked this piece. Poignant and sad and put tears in my eyes.
Great story.

Author's Response: Shiloh!!! Oh my god I am so excited to see you again! Thank you so much for the lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #25, by The EmpressLike Coming Home: Like Coming Home

28th December 2012:
*squishes* I love Remus. Reading things like this make me want to just hug him and hug him. He's easily my favorite Marauder. Ainsley is an interesting character. Even in this short story she comes across really clearly and I feel as if I know her. That last sentence is so sweet it breaks my heart. What an enchanting story. Love it!

Author's Response: Remus is my favorite, too! Which is exactly why I write about him so much. I'm really glad Ainsley came across well in this, because that's my main fear about one-shots with OCs. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>