*squishes* I love Remus. Reading things like this make me want to just hug him and hug him. He's easily my favorite Marauder. Ainsley is an interesting character. Even in this short story she comes across really clearly and I feel as if I know her. That last sentence is so sweet it breaks my heart. What an enchanting story. Love it!
xoxoAuthor's Response: Remus is my favorite, too! Which is exactly why I write about him so much. I'm really glad Ainsley came across well in this, because that's my main fear about one-shots with OCs. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
Ahahahahaha! This is adorable :) I could see Vernon reacting just like that. Skulking because he wasn't getting his way. I love getting a glimpse of Dudley's future. He's one that really does need a wife to tell him to get his act together.
Kaden watched as both of his grandparents visibly paled. Vernon dropped his brandy glass. Petunia let out what could only be described as a small squeak. Vernon's face then turned the purplish color it did when he got angry.
Made me laugh :) I would just love to see Vernon freaking out and there being nothing he can do about it.
Lovely story, dear!
xoxoAuthor's Response: I loved writing this so much. Writing the Dursleys is just so funny! And the idea of Dudley with a magical child and then having to face his parents is just awesome. He really did need his wife to give him guidance. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
Aw! Sarah this is beautiful ♥
I absolutely love the way you've written Remus here. I just want to snatch him up and snuggle him until all his hurts are gone and he's happy again. The heartbreak and the grief is so poignant it breaks my heart.
This is wonderful.
xoxoAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! It was so sad to write, but I've always been curious as to what Remus's reaction would've been. He literally lost every single person he was close to in one night. Awful. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
Awww, Heather, you're breaking my heart. I love that last scene between James and Emmeline. Perfect.
Can't wait to see more! ♥
Shiloh Report Review
Hello my dear! ♥
What a brilliant beginning! I feel so horribly for Lily and the three boys, thinking James is dead. And poor McGonagall, having to lie to her students and pretend he's dead. And poor James! Being cut off from everything and everyone. Just awful.
I haven't been around for so long, and seeing that you had posted this has me so excited. You are, as usual, brilliant. I envy your bucket loads of talent.
Ok - off to read more.
Shiloh Report Review
Just your wayward stalker here :) Too long since I last visited your page. Or anyone's page, actually. Of course I came by yours - I adore your work, as you well know.
This was breathtaking. You silly girl, this is far too beautiful a piece for woodlice. They wouldn't appreciate it. I, however, am in love with it. I love the sad, poetic prose and the tragic characterisations of everyone. I especially love at the end, the line that says he promised her the world once, but he never expected her to become it. Such power in those two short sentences. Longing, and loss, and pain. But this story is too beautiful to be depressing. It's just tragic, in a slow and lingering sort of way. Tragedy on a cold, sunny day. Which, incidentally, is exactly the weather outside my window.
So happy to have read this.
Shiloh Report Review
OK... ok. Let me just compose myself here. Wow.
As a twin myself, I relate to what George went through, because I can't even imagine what life would be like if I lost my sister. So reading stories about having lost Fred is hard sometimes. But this - this is amazing. I know it's not easy to write something from so many different points of view. Some people get caught up in repeating the same thoughts over and over but you didn't. The unique and tragic feelings of each character came through clearly and it is beautiful. A realistic view of a close knit family who has lost someone dear to them before their time.
My favorite parts were definitely Bill and Ginny. And Ron. I like the line when Ron says he wants to stay a few more months with George because he's never had to be alone. Like I said, I'm a twin, so I understand that feeling of never being alone. I can't imagine not living with my sister. We even work at the same job! This story felt personal and really reached out to me.
I saw this was featured on TGS, and I'm glad I popped by the read it. Lovely.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by, as well for reviewing! I can't imagine what losing my sister would be like, and we're not even twins. So the idea of losing a twin, that person closer to you than anyone, seems so terrible. Bill's was the easiest for me to write, his and Charlie's, and Ginny was the most difficult so I'm really happy you think her section turned out well!
I absolutely didn't want to get repetitive, so thank you for saying that I avoided that!
Thank you again for stopping by and reviewing =)! I am so happy you liked this!
Jami Report Review
I look forward to updates :) This chapter was, like the others, great. I especially liked Regina and Rose together. As I mentioned before, your way with your characters is brilliant.
Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you so much for all the reviews you left. I really appreciate you taking the time to R&R so many of the chapters. I'm so glad you've liked the story so far. I hope to post an update again soon! Report Review
I loved this chapter. The play between Rose and Krum was fascinating. He's really something. The dialogue, the description - it's gorgeous.Author's Response: Thank you! This chapter was a lot of fun to write. Krum has turned out to be such a great character to play with. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
You've an amazing grasp of characterisation. It's not every story that someone can so brilliantly display original characters. Joseph Heart is certainly a force to be reckoned with. Great chapter. The interaction with Rose is brilliant, and that poor lawyer.Author's Response: Wow, thank you. That's such a lovely compliment. Creating characters is really my favorite part of writing. Thank you for leaving such a nice review! Report Review
Saw this featured over at TGS and decided to have a look. It's certainly an original idea, Rose and Viktor. I'm intrigued by the promised plot. Certainly has a great beginning. Looking forward to reading further.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you stopped by and enjoyed the first chapter :) Report Review
What a great read. Looking for something to read today I clicked on Random Story and it brought me here. I am delighted to have found this story. Random Story doesn't always bring me to such wonderful stories. Like you, I've never given Cho much thought, but this is a beautiful representation of a grossly under represented character. Gorgeous prose. In my opinion, a rather flawless narrative of a struggling young woman. Love it.Author's Response: thank you so much! haha, yes, it can be a bit of a gamble. I used to despise cho, but as time went by I realised that I actually felt sorry for her, and this fic is part taken from real life, so writing it was both a way of trying to understand her character and things from ~the past~ (sounds more dramatic than it actually is!). again, thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! ♥ Report Review
Drool worthy men in uniform (and Lucy). Reads like my cup of tea dearie :D
As usual, I love the way you write your characters. There's such an easy flow between them that one can see their close friendships and established relationships without having to be regaled with their entire history. Flawless, per the norm.
Can't wait to see what comes next!
ShilohAuthor's Response: You are too kind to me, Shiloh, really. However, I am beyond happy that you like it! I haven't updated this in forever, but maybe, just maybe, an update will be around the corner!
HEATHER ♥ ♥ ♥
I haven't talked to in ages and its an absolute CRIME.
I miss you ;(
AND I LOVE TOM. So Tom haters can just buzz off :P
Really, Scorpius is such an eejit.
Your new banner is gorgeous, my dear.
I MISS YOU
ShilohAuthor's Response: I MISS YOU IN MY LIFE!
Thank you for your review dearie!x Report Review
Prat Seb ♥
(I have a type)
The bringing together of Molly and Seb :D
I feel bad for poor little Stephen. And am QUITE curious about this mysterious past of Sebastian's.
This situation sets things up quite nicely for a bad side of Seb. He's not really a doting older brother is he? I haven't any experience with siblings like that, my older brothers are sickeningly protective and the like, so I can't comment much on it other than to express, once again, my pity for Stephen.
Molly is a gem. I'm curious to see how things develop between her and Seb with this throw into the mix.
ShilohAuthor's Response: We're now getting to the point that I desperately need to edit :P This chapter won't make as much sense as it should because of my deletions in other chapters but I share your type!
I think we get a semi-reveal in chapter 8 then it's chapter ~14 where the entire story comes out. I think, anyway.
Seb's certainly the anomaly in this family. I think that if we looked at Alexander, the brother between Seb and Stephen, we'd see a much softer relationship. Seb's problem is a lot of jealousy. The age gap between him and his siblings is broad enough that the shift in his parents' attention still bothers him yet small enough that his youth's on his side. It's somewhat based on a friend of mine and his family (though the problem child there is the middle one).
She is. At the minute, he totally doesn't deserve her - I'm not sure he ever will.
Thank you for all your lovely, my darling. They've been wonderful and I've loved seeing your thoughts!
xx Report Review
Cryptic Seb ♥
Makes me verrry curious.
(If I were a proper stalker like I ought to be, I wouldn't be curious. I'd have already read everything you have posted.)
I'm going to compare this chapter to the ginger peach tea I'm drinking. It's a house blend at the coffee shop I frequent. I adore it. It's smooth and has a delicate flavour. But like any black tea, it has that certain taste underneath everything that just makes it perfect.
This chapter has a beautiful, smooth flow to it and the emotions are communicated subtly - giving me, as the reader, a taste of what's going on in Molly's heart without overwhelming me. Or ruining the overall effect. Which ties it in with the rest of the story. Like ginger and peach, it was the perfect combination of Molly with Seb and Molly with Harrison. Coming together to piece together another part of a truly lovely story.
This is a delicious as my tea.
(I truly love this tea.)
ShilohAuthor's Response: Cryptic and curious: exactly what I wanted to get across so YAY :D
You make me want to sample this tea now. However, I'm not sure paying thousands of pounds for flights out to you for tea would be my best idea... (I was listening to your foodie review podcast as I wrote that and you started talking about tea at the exact moment. It was quite amazing).
I really value subtlety in writing. I don't like being overloaded when I read something and I don't want anyone to feel that way when they're reading something of mine either.
I'm now going to get tea and biscuits just because of you. Thank you, lovely
xx Report Review
Seb is adorable. I really admire the way you've written these initial feelings. Instead of writing a seventeen year old boy with feelings a thirty year old woman might have, you write it very realistically. I know I'm guilty of adding too much dramatic flair to teenage romance, and we all know it's the trend of contemporary young adult fiction. You, however, capture the somewhat innocent and awkwardness of it without making it seem silly or ridiculous.
The way Seb describes everything I really like. His penchant for exaggeration especially. How Molly "shines brighter" and that Harrison is the "oafish boyfriend". That in itself adds much to the tone of the chapter. And really give insight into how Seb himself is feeling.
ShilohAuthor's Response: He exaggerates sooo much. He's incapable of thinking like a normal human being. Everything gets blown way out of proportion in his mind.
I'm so glad you think he's realistic though. This is going to get its dramatic flair later on in bucketfuls but there'll still be the awkwardness (the innocence will definitely fade :P ).
Seb indeed ♥
Thank you, darliiing!
xx Report Review
I admit it. I'm the absolute worst reviewer ever. Honestly. I am SO sorry love.
I should add to my previous review : I ADORE Molly. I've said it before and I'll say it now - No one writes Molly like you do.
Her mannerisms and her thoughts. Everything just screams "I'm JKR in disguise." :P
In all seriousness: The way you characterise her absolutely astounds me with its perfection. I hold all all other Molly's to your standards. *bows down*
I have nothing constructive for you. I fangirl too much to be any help. (Like I said - worst reviewer ever.)
LOVE the first Molly/Seb encounter. And love that he knows her but she doesn't know him. She is a bit in her own universe, isn't she? I mean - to not even recognize a classmate. Silly girl.
Have I mentioned the length of your chapters? I like it. Not too much going on, but it doesn't feel bitty or chopped up either.
*fangirl some more*
ShilohAuthor's Response: Hahaha, no you're not! Marina's definitely worse ;)
I feel way too protective over her character. I tend to forget that she's not mine which is awful but writing her - in any form - comes so naturally. I would hope that my writing's mildly more grown-up than JKR's :P I have issues with being compared to her...
Haha, fangirls are MOST welcome, lovely. Seb's actually a year above Molly so she wouldn't have had a great deal to do with him before, especially given that he keeps himself to himself. I probably ought to clear that up in the chapter :P
They're relatively short but I don't think I could cope with writing anything over 2.5K. The angst and rambling and first person would send me manic.
Thank you so much, my lovely. I'm so happy that you like it!
xx Report Review
I'm ready now.
Have I ever mentioned my love for Sebastian? Molly tells me I have 'a type'. He fits the bill. Although, I'll wait for him to grow out of his penchant for self-pitying. Honestly - we all have horrid family members. (To be fair, all of his, save Jules, are a bit awful.)
I love how you've characterised him, regardless of his small bouts of whinging. He's on the track toward tragic bad boy (perhaps what he's aiming at?). And his relationships with his family members are the perfect balance of complicated and exasperation. It feels like a real, messed up family.
So overjoyed to be reading this ♥
ShilohAuthor's Response: SHILOH ♥
I can't remember you doing so but I'M GLAD YOU DO. I also have a type and he's pretty much it. He's definitely pretty much physically my perfect guy. The personality does leave a little to be desired.
I probably feel more sorry for Molly with her family than I do Seb and his. He definitely exaggerates a little; with the exception perhaps of his meek and pushy father, they really aren't so bad. It's just his biased perception of them. He's more of the odd one out than all the others are.
He is such a whiner; it probably detracts from his likeability a bit but I never intended him to be adored. I like that you said 'what he's aiming at' - you pretty much hit the nail on the head with that. He exercises more control over who and how he is than most people do; he can twist and turn and mould himself pretty convincingly.
They're a bit messed up; definitely not Malfoy and Black standards of messed up, mind you :P They're probably more of a caricature of the old English upper classes than anything: conforming to an impression that people have of them and trying not to show anything that's gone on behind closed doors.
Thank you, lovely! I'm glad you liked it. I've missed you awfully.
xx Report Review
Still think Devon is (very) sexy.
My god Lee, you so effortlessly blend these two worlds. You know I'm not usually a crossover fan, and that's why. So few people can make it work and work well. But you do! Which is why I adore this. SFM.
Gah - I just - I love it.
Looking forward to what comes next.
♥Author's Response: Yups, Caitlyn is possessed by Lilith.
LOL! I'm glad that you like him. :P
Yeah, sadly they do have a bad rep do to all the horrid ones out there but I'm glad that you think this one breaks that mold. :)
Thanks Shiloh. :) Report Review
Another lovely chapter m'dear ♥
This chapter I'm going to pick at your characterisations :)
Not so much how your characters are developing but how they're interacting. So I guess that falls under dialogue as well. It's something I notice in lots of stories (inc. my own)
Individually, Molly and Finn are coming along well. But I can see how much you adore the pairing when they get together. I think maybe you're pushing it a bit. Meaning, moving them along too fast. There's not enough of a transition from her hating him, and him hating her, and all these years of rivalry. Slow down baby!
Their dialogue, and the petty fighting/flirtation reads a little giddy. (silly?) You have this under the drama genre, and it's more fluffy/soft/silly than dramatic.
I'm not suggesting a rewrite! Because the story is lovely and just fine as is. But maybe in the future, if you write another drama/romance novel, you could keep the suggestion in mind. ;)
♥Author's Response: Oh, I really didn't want it to seem forced... especially since they don't end up together at the end of this story, that's why there's a sequel. I guess I need to take my feelings toward these characters out of the picture a bit more. Thanks for pointing that out, very much appreciated. :) Report Review
Interesting developments between Molly and Finn :)
This review is going to be brief, as I think I fairly well covered your three specific requests in the previous chapter. But I'll try to make the next longer.
Just one piece of con-crit here.
While the plot is interesting and the characters as well, at some parts your descriptions, and even the dialogue, gets wordy and weighted down. It slows down the flow and makes it hard to read. My suggestion would be to go through and take longer sentences one by one to pare them down. Sometimes you say in ten words what you could have said in two.
"No need to get your knickers in a twist," Harper replied with more ease than someone who was being glared at should have. "I was only asking."
"No need to get your knickers in a twist," Harper replied nonchalantly. "I was only asking."
It would improve readability and flow.
ShilohAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot, and I am definitely working on being less wordy than I am. I really appreciate all of this amazing feedback you're giving me. -squishes- :) Report Review
Nice chapter dearie. I can tell you really adore your characters.
You mentioned flow, characterisation, and dialogue in your request, so I'll touch on each of those.
Flow: Very nice. Your transitions are smooth and easy to follow. The story moves along easily.
Characterisation: (I just skimmed over chapters 1-3 so my impressions may be a bit off.) Molly seems a bit full of herself, very Percy-ish. I like that! She comes across really well. And Finn (love that name) I didn't see much of here, but he seems like the devil-may-care sort of attitude bearing guy most authors place in a different house. So I like that you've put him in Slytherin. It's refreshing ♥
Dialogue: Overall quite good, but feels a bit stiff in some places. Particularly when Molly is talking with her two friends. It's too proper, and doesn't sound like teenage vernacular, as perhaps it should.
Off to read on!
ShilohAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review, Shiloh. It's nice to get a different perspective on the story so that I may get the negative impressions instead of just the positive from readers who just say they're enjoying it and list all the positives. I really appreciate the critique and will keep all of the feedback in mind when I write so that I can grow as a writer. :) Report Review
:O :O :O :O
Did not see that coming.
I LOVE IT
and maybe it's just the action movie type music playing in this coffee shop right now, but this chapter had such a great tone to it! All very illicit and exciting.
I can't wait to see what comes next!
I'm adding this to my favourites. RIGHT NOW. Because Kate - this is brilliant. I adore it.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
request more reviews as you update. Because I'll never remember to check back on a regular basis.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
ShilohAuthor's Response: yay for action music, lol! this chapter was fun to write, as was the next one actually! i am so happy you like it!!! i don't know what else to say darling except for thank you for these lovely reviews!! i really appreciate it!
I shall throw some more requests at you!
Kate xx Report Review
I'm glad there's another chapter up :D
And I'm hoping it picks up right after this one because I REALLY want to know who the fourth person is.
THEY'RE DOING SOMETHING ILLEGAL AREN'T THEY?
I approve :P
Again, Kate, so well written. You've captured your characters and their lives so well. I think what makes this story so awesome is the interactions between them. You make it complicated, as life is, without word vomit/abuse. And it's so well done. LOVE IT ♥
ShilohAuthor's Response: hahahahah illegal? they might be...
thank you sweetie! i'm so pleased you're still enjoying it, especially the character interaction. i'm trying for something a little different with this, not so much gloom and doom, lol.
so happy you like it!!
Kate xx Report Review
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