In the beginning of this chapter I think you confuse love and like. Because, or at least to me, just because someone kisses you doesn't mean they love you. Like you? Yeah! But I think you kind of the get love and like mixed up. Still though-- very cute. Hilarious that Scorpius and Albus walked in on them.Author's Response: yeah i think i do too... sorry for the confusion. I wasn't that well developed as a writer then.. I'm glad you liked that moment when they walked in! I laugh all the time when people interrupt stuff. lol. Thanks for reading! Report Review
I really like the chemistry and plot you've come up, but I still just wish it was a little more dragged out instead of it just happening, you know? Like a little more build up to their romance.
But! It's still really cute :D You do a great job telling the scenes!Author's Response: aww thanks! It was fun to write these characters! I'm a sucker for romance. Looking back, I should've dragged it out more but I was young and inexperienced in writing when I wrote this. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I'm thinking James will catch her (; I think you could've dragged out the secret from James a little longer, but I suppose that's the kind of secret that's just obvious once she wasn't doing magic. Good chapter though :)Author's Response: aw thanks! This fic is an older one of mine so I wasn't nearly as good at writing plots and dragging out stuff like that back then! I'm glad you liked it though! Report Review
oOoo! I like this so far! You use your words really well too! The only mistake I saw was right there at the end: "Even my brother wasn't happy about it. My dad was okay and so was Scorpius but my mother wasn't."
Unless there's another Malfoy son I didn't know about (; jk.
I think it's a little obvious what her secret is, but it'll be fun to watch the Potters find out about it in their own time.
Great beginning though!Author's Response: awww I'm glad you like this! It's an older fic so it's not my best work but I am thrilled you like it! I think I did make her secret obvious but I liked keeping the reader knowing something a character didn't. Thanks for reading! Report Review
hooray! fantastic chapter :) I don't care if there were a few cliche's in there- i was laughing. And I thought it was really sweet how James came to her rescue! I'm super glad you're bringing James and Shivani back together--I know I said that in the last review, but I am! Great job!!Author's Response: oh good, i'm glad you enjoyed it! i think cliches can be really fun, and let's be honest, they're often very true.
yea, i thought it was time for them to be friendsies again.
thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
It's a cute story! Kind of silly with the 'mwhahas', but i liked it! Also, the FPA is super funny! I'll have to remember that one. haha.
good job :)Author's Response: Thank You! :)
Madame Love xx Report Review
yay! I was so excited to see you had a chapter up so quickly after the staff was back from vacation! good chapter :) Short, but i understand that sometimes you need a short one so that the next one is great!
I'm glad you got rid of anish instead of dragging his part out! also that you're getting back into the adele/fred! I think their meeting will be great!
i'm getting excited for james to come back into her life though! like miss marm said--they're just too cute! haha!Author's Response: yes, i think the anish thing needed to go, it was just a little diversion. and i'm glad you're looking forward to the meeting!
they really are too cute. don't worry, he will come back soon enough. :)
thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
It has the potential to be really cute! But it seems unfinished...You set up a story, but didn't follow through with the whole of it.
I do like the ending lines though-- "You plan to go on a date alone? Do you?"
very funny line!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm debating on changing it to unfinished and adding a second part, but I need a good idea first
The ending's my favorite part too Report Review
Very cute story! The only thing I'd have to say is that some of the words like 'ain't' and 'reckon' kind of lead me to hear like a southern accent instead of a British accent. lol! Maybe it's just me :)
Really cute plot though! It fits their characteristics really well!Author's Response: I'm such a newbie when it comes to British/Scottish accent and so on, it gave me such a headache to get it somewhat accurate xD So really, I'm not surprised at all that some of the southern words slipped in, especially that embarrassing "ain't" :D Anyway, thanks for pointing it out! Report Review
Pretty cute! i like how in the beginning you led up to the main point with the rest of the marauders. Also where you added the part of Lily talking with Remus s that it gives the reader an idea of where you are in the story.
The only bad thing is that in here it's missing the quote from the summary that leads up to her asking what kind of mythological creature she is. So double check on that!
Ending was very cute though :) good job!! :DAuthor's Response: Hey there, thank you for your review, I'm so glad you liked it :) I've just edited the quote bit, I'm not sure what went on there. Thanks! Report Review
awe I think this is super cute! I like that you show Lily's frustrations and then James's frustrations at not really knowing what to do because he gave up, went after a different girl and then Lily gets all jealous...poor boy! So confusing. Haha!
That last sentence was really cute too "And we all know that James never gave up on Lily." Not too cheesy, just really cute! :D Great short story!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :) Cute was what I was going for! Glad to know it came acrosst the way I wanted it to :D I'm glad you liked it and thank you for the review :) And of course kudos to you for being the first reviewer of this One-shot :D Report Review
loved this! you hit the characters thoughts on the dot. it keeps really close to the original Lily/James characters whereas a lot of people go kind of crazy in making them their own characters. so great job :DAuthor's Response: You have no idea how happy I am! This was really nice and I'm glad you liked the story! Report Review
yay! so great! and don't worry-- i'm sure everyone can understand how stressful it is to do everything at once and make everyone happy--school if definitely priority whether we like it or not! and don't apologize for the length! the longer the better!!
dang though.poor shivani!! i would've thrown that tea in his face...though that might've been a bit too melodramatic for shiv (; awesome chapter! can't wait to read more!Author's Response: hahaha, i never even thought about throwing the tea! but true, that would've been a little too melodramatic. still a great idea.
luckily, school is over! i've started writing the next chapter, hopefully it'll be done sometime next week.
thanks for the review. :) Report Review
LOL! loved it. felt that maybeee lily went a little further than how i would have imagined her character to, but that line where james said she wasn't tame made up for it and pulled it all together. really well written! great job :D Report Review
Muhahah love this one. Especially Sirius's excitement about everyone's connections and Scorpius having his arm around Rose. I thought it was hilarious how he refused to let go.
All in all a great chapter :D can't wait for the next one!! Report Review
very good chapter! it's such a harry potter thing to say to just be like well...lets get it back! haha! and you did a good job capturing that moment where rose loses trust in scorpius. great chapter!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! It felt to me like something Harry would do... :D Thanks for the compliment on Rose losing trust in Scorpius. It's always nice to get reviews like that. :)
~Colleen Report Review
hahahah very enjoyable!! the only thing i would have to ask is for the chapters to be longer!! which trust me i know it's hard to do when you really just want to keep the chapters going, but i would really really love it if they were longer! XD
really good though!! i always laugh while reading this story!!Author's Response: yeah, my chapters are a little short. :) it's only because the first time i tried fanfiction each chapter was like 5000 words and now i'm paranoid of accidentally creating a chapter monstrosity...that doesn't make any sense...oh well! i'm glad you like it and think it's funny! ^-^
~colleen Report Review
awe this is cute. i've just started reading rose/scorpio stories, but this one is definitely super cute!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm very glad you liked it! Your review made my day ^^!
I think I like Rose/Scorpius the best. They're just meant to be :) Anyway, thanks for reading!
~Beej Report Review
you did a good job with this story! gave it a good setting, and set its mood really accordingly! the only thing i caught was the few times you said 'whilst', which isn't bad. it just kind of made me laugh cause i never see anyone use it (;
but in all! really good story :DAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm pleased you liked it. I did love writing it. Really? I think I use 'whilst' quite a lot! Report Review
very cute!! you write really well! and i like sirius's little part at the end. haha! i think it gives it a...like just the right amount of comedy needed for the end of it.Author's Response: thank you! haha i'm glad you like it (: Report Review
mmm girl! i cannot agree with you more that james&lily seem to be a naughty couple. i mean, how can you go through all those years of sexual tension and not??
but i think this was a very interesting way of seeing them get together, and a very fun way at that. good job :)Author's Response: aw thank you very much for that sweet review! haha sexual tension, definitely a good way to put it. That's what I like to do, come up with different ways in which they get together. I'm glad you enjoyed =) Report Review
ahh!! 2 things.
1. i love iron&wine. always have always will. the song goes amazing with your story!
2. your writing is really great! i love the way your wrote this whole thing!!
great one shot :)Author's Response: Isn't Iron and Wine just the best? I honestly fell absolutely in love with this song. There's just something so pure about it you know? How the experience is more than just a romp in the sheets but something real. I loved the song! One of my faves!
And thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! I've never written Lily/James myself so it's really nice to know that it all turned out well :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
oh my gosh
i don't care that it was from a myspace bulletin, that was meant to be for lily and james.
hahahaha Report Review
i love this!!
great writing-- man make a short story sequel of their get together. hahahah!
very great!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm hoping to continue it, so we'll see where it goes :-) Report Review
at first i was like ...is this lily?
but i was wrong! and glad i was because i love how you did this whole thing!!Author's Response: oh thank you so much, what a nice thing to hear! Report Review
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