Wow, this is a really great story idea. However, it falls a little flat with the execution (no offense -- it's probably because you're writing in a language you probably rarely use). I know when I had Spanish class last year, and had to write things in Spanish, it was really quite difficult. It might be easier to write it originally in German and then translate it -- I don't know.
If you need a beta for English mistakes (I know nothing about German, sorry), just say so. I can help, and I know it must be really hard trying to learn English as a second language.
It's a bit clustered, and awfully short. Most chapters average about 1,000 words (I know, when you're just starting out, it seems tough, but you'll get there). Try more detail and add more dialogue, but please separate the quotes a bit more. It's a little confusing and at times I wasn't quite sure who was talking.
On a lighter note: I don't usually read the character list by the story, so I rather stupidly went into it assuming it was Lily Evans -- Lily Potter's grandmother, so when she said her name was Lily Potter to the boy, I was like what? lol Report Review
Aw, this is such a good story. Great writing style!!! I love it.Author's Response: Thanks so much, Gemma, for the review! Report Review
This is rather interesting, a new spin, I suppose. Anyway, I really like your writing style. Will look for updates!!!Author's Response: thankyou, i'm glad you like it. and, i'm realy happy you like my writing style, thankyou so much! i'll update as son as i can. Report Review
I am really enjoying this story. You're such a wonderful writer! Update, please!Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm working on writing more, but it's a slow process. I will get another chapter out as soon as I can. Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Great story! I love it, and Stephanie. She's a great character.Author's Response: I love Stephanie too. Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
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