You start Harry's POV with a "holy crap" moment, one that will define the dark tone of the whole chapter. One that will only add to the tension between the three.
Harry, again, handles the situation extremely well, albeit with some healthy frustration caused by Ron's daftness.They way how I see it: every rudeness, every false accusation he speaks drives an additional nail into the R/Hr coffin, so to say. No woman will endlessly bear with this crap and neither will Hermione. She will, ultimately, flee to the one person that understands and supports her.
And if Ron's idiocy weren't enough, now Ginny also starts being an idiot?
Side remark bordering a rhetoric question and concerning not only your text, but the whole of the books as well: why DRAG a heavy trunk when you are a wizard/witch and you can use a Locomotor charm to animate it???
I enjoyed this chapter even more that the first one. The continuation, please!Author's Response: well i just wanted an excuse to ask the question. also, in the castle, they always just pull their trunks :)
i'm making ginny give snide comments because she loves Harry.
tension ... tension ...
glad you liked it :D Report Review
The way you wrote them, I was almost ready to discard the Crapilogue and believe JKR that they were really meant to be together. There was so much love in this short story, so many simple pure emotions...
Amazingly written, really. Without any mushiness, unnecessary fluffiness, yet it is clear that the two are very much in love with each other.
I would say Ginny is perfectly written. Although, I would have expected her to hex him first for being late. You know, the infamous Prewett temper she's inherited from her mother...
Also, does Ginny have blue eyes? I can't seem to recall it, so I'll have to check the HP Encyclopedia.
I'm already hopelessly in love with your style. I can't promise I will read your Dramiones, though, as I'm not particularly fond of that pairing. All other stories of yours, here I come!!!
Thanks for this wonderful reading experience.Author's Response: the dramiones were easiet to write for me really. i dont think i'll write any more and just finish the ones ive started. im doing some other pairings now as a sort of project of mine and i plan to work my way through your page very soon :) Report Review
So tragic and yet so sweet and touching. Adele is amazing, and so is this little story of yours. It flows really nicely and conveys all those pure, simple emotions neither wants to admit.
Third person Present tense is really tricky to pull of, yet you did it! This story simply HAD to be written this way. I would love to see a continuation, though, and if you take requests, no Canon, please!!!
Thanks for writing this one.Author's Response: Aww, thanks!I am happy to take any requests, and I am so happy you liked this one. It was really hard to finish. I submitted it in late september, and it only just got validated. I am considering a continuation, do you have a specific song in mind? Let me know if you do, I would be happy to write another one. Also, tell me what you exactly you mean by no canon. I'm making a meet the author page, so you can tell me there. Adele is really amazing, right? I reread this while listening to the song, and it was so cool! I suggest you do the same. Sorry for this LONG response, but I've been waiting so long for a review. Thanks so much! Report Review
I didn't like this for one simple reason. Harry got together with Ginny instead of Hermione.
That being said, I liked this one. You have a certain aptitude to writing songfics and displaying simple, pure emotions. I've already pointed this out in an earlier review, yet you don't cease to amaze me. The only thing that's still unclear to me is why exactly Harry and Hermione's ways parted. I guess a second re-read will clarify things a bit.
The song is really a good choice.
There were a few tiny Nargles in the text. If you drop me an email, I will be more than happy to point them out. In fact, I guess I will have some time to beta your fics. Let me know if you need my help.
Your stories always make a short, but good distruction. Thank you for writing them.
All the best,
ZAuthor's Response: Thank you...again!! Report Review
This is the Ginny we all know. The only me-me-me-me Ginny. Darn, how I hate her. The good thing about her is that she at least admits to herself thatshe's a selfish brat, even if she'd never admit this to anyone else.
I don't think mixing Draco here was a particularly good idea and I most certainly do not think he was crying about Hermione.
This single point of criticism aside, valid emotions and an urge to read further. Good job.Author's Response: The me-me-me ginny is what i find SO easy to write. As an h/hr shipper, I find that I bash Ginny quite a lot. I've written one story in her favor, though, but that's it. About mixing up Draco in here, I don't think I will continue on that,because I too despise Draco/Hermione. All of my fics are h/hr centered, and I hope to write a decent epilogue to this story. Thanks for your review! Report Review
Of course it's a sad fic. HOW DARE YOU KILL MY HERMIONE??? HUH???
This is pure, undiluted angst, the pain one SHOULD feel after just having lost one's best friend. The fact that Ginny and Ron don't really share Harry's pain just show how much they really did (or in this case did not) care about Hermione - and Harry.
I hated how the books ended; I hated the Crapilogue, and I hate those who blindly reject Harry/Hermione because "they are brother and sister" and at the same time happily embrace Draco/Hermione.
Harry is rather believable here, I guess he would feel the same way if this was written by JKR herself.
There are a few minor grammar and punctuation issues, but nothing really distracting. If you want to, I will be glad to point them out.
Onwards to chapter two. A promising beginning, even if I hate you for killing off Hermione :D:D:DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for saying Harry would feel the same way if J.K rowling had written this! That really brightened up my morning. Also, about the grammatical errors, I would be more than happy if you could point them out. I meant to kill off Hermione, btw. I wrote this after something really terrible happened to me, and I guess words just flew out. You will soon find out how Ginny, Ron, and the Granger's felt, and maybe you'll understand it a little more. Anyway, thanks for the review! Report Review
Darn. Accio Kleenex. Flashback Roman Holiday.
Awesome, emotional piece. Completely different from what I've ever read here before, and, believe me, I have read - and reviewed - A LOT.
This short piece had that pleasant film noire atmosphere that captured me from the very first paragraph and held me in grasp until the very last sentence.
Perfectly written, tight grammar, simple yet effective storytelling. I can't give anything but a 10 and this one goes into my favourites. I'm going to recommend it to my fanfic friends as well.
Being a fan of H/Hr, I've also committed the crime of writing these two. If you are interested, check out "To Become Whole Again" or "Shadowlands". I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts.
Keep up the awesome writing!
All the best,
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Aw thank you so much! I love your reivew! Totally just made my day! I was in Rome over my summer holiday and that's what inspired this story.
Thank you so much for the compliments. Since I don't beta my stories (which isn't always a good or bad thing) I do my best with the grammer and things like it because it is definitly not my strong suit.
Also, I appreciate that you'll recommend it. I feel like this one has fallen between the cracks, reader wise. As for your stories, I shall definitly read them and leave you with my thoughts!!
lil_hermione_at_heart Report Review
I can totally see were the song text and your story tie together. Of course, being based off the song, it's not a coherent, "one-event" one-shot, rather a series of small vignettes around the two main characters.
I personally would have added some more build-up to the scene where they explain their love to each other, as well as to the scene when they break up, but I can see why you have chosen for this approach; your interpretation is more emotional.
"Harry stood in the opposite corner, regretting the last four years, as he drank and drank." This was a very strong sentence summing up the essence of the whole story. Also, I'm all applauses for your clean and perfect grammar. Even for me, a non-native English speaker, it can be sometimes pretty awkward to read Nargle-infestedtext lacking basic grammar and punctuation skills.
All in all, a successful little assignment and most certainly a good teaser for your next fic that I'm most certainly going to read and reaview - I review each chapter I read.
In the meantime, if you are interested, you might want to read my H/Hr stuff: "To Become Whole Again" and Shadowlands. I'm curious what you think of them.
Keep up the good work.
All the best,
"I couldn't care less about canon or the Crapilogue. I only live to provoke." (Z.K. 2011) Report Review
I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far. For a brief moment, however, I thought you'd be going with the "and Ron and Hermione were living happily ever after...yadda yadda" thing, but, luckily, it's not the case, as far as I can see.
This is an emotional rollercoaster for all four of them and you captured the essence of those emotions very well. Spot on.
What criticism I might have is the relatively short chapters. The essence is there, but still... Also, you have misspelled 'horocrux' quite a few times, it should be 'horcrux'.
It was also a nice flourish to put in Harry's letter as a chapter image. I liked that.
All in all, I'm adding it to my favourites and will be following up on the next chapters. Good job and happy writing,
PS. If you like Harmony THAT much, check out my "Shadowlands" and "To Become Whole Again". I'd love to hear your thoughts.Author's Response: Thanks very much, I appreciate your comments and suggestions, duly noted. Chapter length is something i've struggled on keeping consistent but in the future I will definitely be more aware of that!
Will definitely check out your stories, thanks again for the review! Report Review
Dark, blood-freezing, creepy. It would be a decent horror flick when taken to Hollywood. Especially liked the contrast of "stop-me-when-I'm-freaking-out" kiss with Draco and the warm scene with Lyra and Harry talking through their mirror. There's where her heart lies, their love stronger than the distance between them. Beautiful!Author's Response: Thank you for your review! Writers block is now done, and I've started up again. Look for new things soon.
~K Report Review
This is the centre of Evil, and your masterful weaving of words just underlines that cold, dark, uncomfortable feeling the three should experience, descending into the castle. Awesome imagery, good action, consistent writing.Author's Response: Thank you so much!
~K Report Review
It was a nice fill chapter; after the narrow escape they needed a quiet place and some solitude to pull themselves together.
That "beware the bloodlines" thing will prove important, as far as I can see that; a nice touch of additional mysticism.
I'm sorry for not coming back to your story earlier; I was job-hunting, then on summer holidays, but I'm catching up now on my favourite story!Author's Response: I am so honored that you have stayed with this story from the very start. Words can not express how grateful I am for your support. Thank you so very much.
~K Report Review
I was already contemplating about tying you to your bed with only a typewriter and a box of 80 grams paper within reach, but you were faster.
It was an amazingly tense chapter and the story itself, I mean the real stuff - hasn't even started yet. It projects a film noir-type atmosphere, something dark and unwelcoming, something outwardly evil. The description of the pouring rain, the eerie wailing of the siren only Harry seems to hear, even the Aurors... an outwardly bone-chilling experience.
I was always of a very high opinion about your writing skills, but now you managed to surpass even yourself. There was also something... script-like in this chapter, ready to be shot for the big screen.
This is the most perfectest of all scores one can imagine, m'dear. A perfect TEN, no questions asked. I LOVED IT! Report Review
I was really positively surprised to find a new story from your pen here. SInce eHPF went down, I lost track of you and was really curious how you were doing.
This was a fantasting 'missing moments' one-shot. Impeccably written in a rich yet not overdone English, it gave me enormous reading pleasure.
You have a certain aptitude to writing even the simplest emotions in such an effective way that they just keep haunting the reader long after he'd finished reading. Same with me here, it's my second go on the story. I simply HAD to come back and re-read it, were I to formulate any coherent thoughts on it.
I also liked the spot-on characterization of Luna in particular. She is my favourite Potterverse character and not without a reason. She's just so extremely lovable, with all her oddities; a truthful friend with a heart the size of county Cork.
I'd really like to keep in touch with you; if you want to, you can mail me at my penname at yahoo dot com.
All the best,
datbenik513Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story.
And I'm glad you think that my characterisation of Luna was accurate. She's kind of a hard character to get right, particularly as this was a pretty serious and sad story and it's hard to imagine Luna taking anything really seriously, apart from her conspiracy theories and so on. So I'm glad it seemed to work. Report Review
Well, I certainly haven't expected this. Maybe it's got to do with the fact that I don't read Marauder stories. Full stop.
Up until now.
Remus was one of my very favourite characters in the books. The lycanthropism that stamped him as an outcast, an "other", made him practically impossible to make friends, until he met those three.
You showed here an other side of Lily than most people imagine her. Everyone depicts her as the brilliant student, the fiery redhead and god knows what cliches else. Your take on her is different. She is lonely and misunderstood and struggles to find herself in her relationship with James.
And... where two lonely souls collide, something inexplicable and beautiful can happen...
It's an amazing piece of art.Author's Response: Hello again! I'm so sorry I haven't replied to this yet, I was a little intimdated and blushing at all your incredible kindness.
Remus is definately an interesting character, one who has always intrigued me. Lily is, a mystery! She is seen as perfect by everyone in the books, practically, so it's very hard to get a grasp on her character. I'm not particularly pleased with how she came out in this, but I'm really glad you were able to sympathize and understand where I was coming from with this side of her. However, like I said, I'm not quite happy with it. She's a very elusive character.
You are incredibly kind, always. Your words of encouragement mean so much to me, and I cannot convey how much I appreciate it that you take the time to leave these wonderful reviews! Needless to say, I owe you! Thank you. Report Review
OK, this is where the real deal begins. Now we have two sets of fugitives, but, if you stay true to your traditions, we'll see more of Lyra's adventures, which I can only applaud to. We all know how the Golden trio spent the most of this year, so we want to see more of Lyra.
I loved overall in the chapter how you descibed the emptiness Lyra was feeling upon her forced parting with Sherlock. This IS love, at its purest. Something worth fighting for, worth dying for. I just hope you won't kill off Lyra just for the sake of canon, right?
Another question that had been bugging me. Lyra, to a certain extent, can control her blood thirst, what with being this "hybrid". I'm not so sure the rest of her coven can, though, so trusting Draco to them might be qualified as "calling for problems."
My only point of criticism would be that this "bar scene" is somewhat similar to the scene in the bar in DH where the Trio lands right after the escape from the wedding. Otherwise, great job, great setting and an intriguing chapter.Author's Response: I haven't read DH in a while, but thanks for warning me! I definitely don't want to rip anything off. And thank you so much for yet another great review! You are faithful beyond amazement. ^_^
~K Report Review
I'm so happy to have you back. You were one of my very first encounters in HP fanfiction and I'm hopelessly in love with your Valora saga, being immensely happy that you haven't abandoned it.
We can discuss private things via email, here's to this chapter.
I was surprised to see Rita Skeeter out, in public, still retaining her "licence to kill" with her quill. I had hoped she would be safely chucked away in Azkaban for a few years...
Sirius is perfectly in character, yet again. A womanizer pur sang, yet, a loving, caring person, on contrary to popular belief.
In your last chapter, I already suspected you would come up with something supernatural and BANG! here it is! Nice touch, now something should be caused by the storm that makes Severus stick in this world :D Can you imagine Sirius's face???
A-WE-SOME! Report Review
"This is not goodbye". Why do I have the feeling that it IS? Will they ever see each other? Will the two survive the horrors of the coming months?
My God, this is going to be intense, and even so, this serene, peaceful and full of love chapter creates a yet even bigger contrast.
You know, I've been following up with your saga from the very beginning and watched you grow as a writer. It may sound repetitive, but every chapter is better than the previous one, more adult, more... complex. Just about the same growing curve we'd seen in the original books: from light gradually turning into dark, sometimes outwardly scary.
Bravo! Well done. A question that just popped up: if you were to shoot this as a movie, who would you cast as Lyra? I have NO idea!Author's Response: I have no idea either! Not Alexis Bledel, although I use her on my banners. Honestly...no clue. Possibly...Saoirse Ronan? But she's so blonde! Haha if you think of anyone, LET ME KNOW ^_^
~K Report Review
I will cut it short. I hate you for making me cry. I love you for having written this small gem. At the same time I hate you because I had to refinance my mortgage so that I could afford to stack up a mountain of Kleenex. Brilliant!
One of your reviewers accused you of being short on this story. I'm of the firm opinion that emotions should be written short but raw. That way the story hits the reader full frontal with the weight of a runaway steam locomotive. Take my "Elements", for example (for which I'd love to hear your CC, by the way :D:D:D)
Keep them masterpieces coming!Author's Response: Thank you so much again for such an encouraging review. Wow, I made you cry? Sorry, haha! I'm glad you found it emotive though, sorry about the kleenex issues all the same! :D
Thank you, it's actually very useful to hear your opinion on length. I'm personally of the same view. I don't always find it easy to write lengthy pieces, but I don't see the point in forcing it.
I'm impossibly happy you were able to connect (if that's the word) with the story so much. As always, I feel you are being far to kind.
As for Elements, if it's short and emotive it sounds just like my cup of tea! ;) Thank you again! Report Review
OK, with this rate you're putting up your chapters, I will have grown a Dumbledore-beard by the time your saga ends :D I know school'd crazy, but honestly... 2 months between updates? Is this the way to treat your favourite reviewer? HUH???
LOL, I'm glad you're back and with a blast! And, lo and behold, another chapter in validation? Now, that's a good Kurlz. A very good Kurlz!
Honestly, I don't understand Harry's reasoning. Every day together may very well turn out their last one. Still, they are afraid to make that last step, even though even the blind can see they're very much in love with each other. When reasoning takes over from atavistic lust, there's a serious problem.
Harry also can't seem to accept, after all these years, Draco being close to Lyra. Not the closeness Harry and Lyra share, yet he still doesn't trust the Slytherin. After six years of enmosity, it's a tough task to trust someone.
I loved this. Every word. Good job!Author's Response: I'm so glad you approve! And yes, it was a ridiculously long wait, and I apologize...I was working on a new story that's almost done! Check it out if you like. And as always, thank you for your review!
~K Report Review
As one of your reviewers mentioned, Mel is back, and with a blast! This was so wickedly funny that I managed to freak out my colleagues with my uncontrollable giggling.
As a practicing father of two - thirteen and five - I can very well understand Percy and Audrey's frustration of not having a few quiet moments for themselves.
I think I already mentioned to you how much I like your writing style. Sometimes dry, sometimes sarcastic, never poetically overdone, but always with a healthy dose of humour. And I love that I can read them and actually enjoy them instead of spending my time on mentally correcting grammar issues. Melanie dear, your writing is impeccable. More please.
All the best,
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Hey Zoltan! It was a really pleasant surprise to see this review from you! I'm glad you got a kick out of this one-shot. I posted it nervously, not really knowing whether it turned out quite as funny as I had set out to make it. But I love that you could relate to it - probably made it that much more funny, huh? :-D
Thank you so much for this review. I'm flattered, and it really made my day.
Melanie Report Review
This one had nothing to do with canon, yet, both personages were absolutely canon-tastic. Awesome job keeping their personalities!
I loved the setting you generated; a completely different take on how H and Hr met for the first time. Pure, childish innocence, still unspoiled by the horrors of life, and the most beautiful of all feelings, your first love, your first kiss.
I realized that you wrote quite a few of your stories in this somewhat staggered way of storytelling, in short sentences.
Here, for the purposes of this story, it really comes in handy; one can feel the pounding of that small heart in the boy's chest in excitement.
I think it's one of the sweetest stories I've read in my almost three years here. Thanks for this awesome reading experience!
Full marks, of course. 10/10
I also love to experiment with different pairings, Harry/Hermione and Harry/Luna (Shadowlands), even Harry/Fleur (I Remember). Feel free to roam my Potterverse and criticize my scribbles at will!Author's Response: Thanks. That is kind of what I was hoping for. This review was so encouraging to read. It really just made my day. Thank you for the review.
Am. Ginny Report Review
Short, sweet and painful. Of all deaths, were they canon deaths, Luna and Hermione would have disturbed me most as I have a soft spot for these two in my heart. OMG, Accio Kleenex...I LOVED IT!
Luna, BTW, does have a middle name. At least in "Shadowlands", in my Potterverse. Luna Selene Lovegood.
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Thanks for the view! *watches kleenex fly across the room* SO glad you enjoyed it, but sorry i had to make you cry. Yeah they both have a soft spot in my heart as well (along with Ginny). Thanks again.
Am. Ginny Report Review
I'ma here, thank you very much :D
This was some quality "Analyze this" stuff of the kind that's being taught to future psychologists. You have some serious talent to analyzing girls' minds and your text is flowing just perfectly.
Damn Granger, she does know how to spoil a perfect moment and "snap back into reality", doesn't she?
Ginny's playing a dangerous and nasty game and it makes me wish that Hermione would really end up with Astoria and forget about that redheaded hag forever :DAuthor's Response: LOL "Readheaded hag" that made me laugh!
Yeah, well, of course I understand a girl's mind since I'm a girl, too, (^.^) though I have not been in the similar situation like the girls here before.
Poor Astoria, right? My own mom was like hers, so I can imagine that Astoria only grows up as being rebellious. *lol*
Thanks for the feedback! :D Report Review
Sorry for taking so long, dearest, for this chapter, but I will get better, I swear :D
OK, it was the chapter that I was already anticipating. All previous ones were only a long, long prologue for the inevitable to happen: THE KISS. Kisses, kissings, snogging parties, still the part of that childish bet, but something that may grow into something bigger and more beautiful. Only, had I seen Astoria and Hermione kissing, I would have cursed Astoria to Hell and taken her part instead :D OMG, I can totally imagine meself kissing Emma :D
Now, who was the cloaked man? Harry? Ron? DRACO??? OMG, what a cliffhanger! I'm immensely proud of you, yet again!
Now, this review might seem a bit incoherent, what with starting with the ending, but that was the main part for me. That doesn't mean that the first half wasn't awesome, on the contrary! You did a really good job to display Hermione's devastated state; her turmoil, the betrayal she would have never expected from her bestie. From there, it was a logical turn of event that she started to isolate herself from everybody, effectively driving herself into Astoria's more than eager arms. She was alone, she felt betrayed, and it's only Astoria that had been there for her.
Onwards, I should say! Perfect chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. :D
hehehe yeah the kiss; of course it'll happen some time even though Hermione didn't enjoy it as much as Astoria did.
The "cloaked man"'s identity has been revealed in the middle part of the last chapter; it was Ginny, who saw Astoria and Hermione kissing together, and then she fled the castle to go to Hogsmeade. Chapter 4 and 5 happen at the same time only from two different POVs. ^^
Thanks so much, Z! Sorry for taking so long to reply. Love your feedback, as always. Report Review
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