Reading Reviews From Member: Foxtrott
64 Reviews Found

Review #26, by FoxtrottA Dying Legacy: Patient Zero

11th December 2008:
Wow, I like the flow of your story, and especially how you intruiged the readers. This chapter just breezed by for me. I've never read anything with a plot quite like this, and I like it a lot. :)

Just the occasional grammatical errors, but other than that, this story was really good. :D

Author's Response: Hi again. =)

Once again I'm happy you liked it =P

Ah grammar, my worst flaw xP. I'm working on it, I really am. This chapter isn't betae'd yet, so it will improve =)

Thank you for another review =D


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Review #27, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Motives

9th December 2008:
...And this is another chapter that makes me want to rip things into shreds.

You've been doing major forshadowing on the fact that Jane would eventually be playing, and I thought that was a good job. :)

So... did i do it? Did i boost your review count to 350? :P

Keep writing, you're amazing at it. :D

Author's Response: haha you did, I'm sitting right at 350 at this particular moment. And yeah, I'm quite the forshadower. You can see a lot of things if you go back to the beginning of the story and reread it. That's why I'm getting it printed into a book after I'm finished so I can just go back and read through it again. Thanks so much for the reviews!

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Review #28, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Retreat

9th December 2008:
I decided to skip right on to the chapters with the least reviews.

Really, you have a knack for cliffhangers. I distinctly remember wanting to rip something into shreds several times when I finished particular chapters in your story.

Including this.

Here you are, my favourite quote, that most of the time happens to be your summary:

'We play the same position!' Ellis shouted, elbowing me again.

'Yes, yes. And you’re nice and good and I hate you.'

'Because of it?'

'No,' I said soberly, 'because you're a twat.'


Author's Response: haha I love that quote! Ellis is one of my favorite characters. It's a shame that so many chapters have very little reviews because of the site/review/crashy thing that happened and suddenly I lost 125 reviews. Sad. But the review-a-thon greatly helped me get them back! Thanks so much!

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Review #29, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Brazilian Bon-Bon

9th December 2008:
Haha, the kiss-stealing thing was kinda cute. :P I've always pictured Roger to be that kinda guy. Heheh.

Ooh, I loved this line:

'I don't blame her — her last memory of me was probably you screaming about how you wanted to decapitate me,' he said fondly, patting me on the head.

'It was castrate actually,' I said.

He made a face. 'You're a horrible woman, Jane Perry.'

:D. I can imagine him making a face. And it's a cute face. Okay sorry, that didn't make sense.

The patting on her head part came out oddly though. ._.

But I still love your humour. :)

Author's Response: haha that's why I chose that for the chapter summary. Roger is a fun guy. I always kind of pictured the awkward patting on the head :)

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Review #30, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Birds of a Feather

9th December 2008:
You are one of the few brilliant authors that can make a chapter as long as this breeze by so flipping easily.

I'm beginning to like Roger so much it's hard to believe. The Roger in your story is sooo lovely. :D But maybe it's because of the way I portray Roger in my story too.

But I still love Wood anyway. :P

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Roger because I do too. He's a fun character to play around with. Of course Oliver is amazing as well. Dense, but they're both amazing. Thank you!

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Review #31, by FoxtrottKeep Away: New Wallpaper

9th December 2008:
Oh god. Lee is so flippin' lovely. :D Gah, what's gonna happen to that Brazilian dude? This whole Lee/Alicia thing is going so well. :D

Aww! I can't get that line out of my head. It's just replaying and replaying like some broken recorder, and it gets annoying with a voice chanting 'me' in your head all the time. Gah.

Me. Me. Me. I can't wait till chapter 24 comes out. Perhaps then a new line would replay in my head. Any line that wouldn't drive me into egomaniac-ness

Author's Response: Haha. Lee is so...I just love Lee. He's been sitting there watching this unfold before his eyes and then he just snapped. Ahhh, love :) Thank you! I'll try and get another line stuck in your head!

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Review #32, by FoxtrottKeep Away: The Pressure

9th December 2008:
Cliff-hanger. Dead. Dying. Gah.

I don't know why, but I love Roger so much more after this chapter. :D Hey, if Jane dumps Roger, can I have him? :D

I love this chapter. Okay, I love all your chapters. But chapter is totally supercalafragalistically coolios.

Author's Response: You're going to have to get in line because everyone seems to want a bit of Roger as well haha. In that chapter so much stuff happens. I'm surprised it all fit into one chapter! Thank you!

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Review #33, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Oh Captain! My Captain!

9th December 2008:
Aww! Oliver is so darn sweet. :) It makes me feel all good in the inside when I read this chapter. I'm on a reviewing streak for this wonderful story, and I'm going to review in opposite order. :P

Author's Response: You are!? Oh my gosh, you're the sweetest! I love that chapter too...and I have a fondness for the title as well. Finally Oliver shows a bit of his cheesiness...since he finally found it in himself he should show it! THANKS AGAIN!

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Review #34, by FoxtrottA Dying Legacy: Prologue

9th December 2008:
Hi there! Firstly, I'd like to apologise for taking so long. I was just taking a break from my review thread.

I love this chapter. I like the action, and how you can build up suspense. Especially for a prologue, that skill is extremely difficult. Good job!

I like how you left plenty of questions for the reader to ponder on, so that we will be enticed to continue reading. This was a very good introductory chapter. :D

Great job, and to the next chapter I go!

Author's Response: Hi Foxtrott! =)
No problem at all ;)

Thank you, I'm happy you enjoyed it =D

Thank you for the review, sorry for the short response =/ (the next ones will be bigger I promise)


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Review #35, by FoxtrottKeep Away: Here Snitchie, Snitchie

8th December 2008:
Oh my, I love this chapter. It's amazing. The action, the tension, everything just fits in perfectly. :) Aww, Oliver and Jane are doing so well together. :P Well, as long as they're not killing each other, they're doing fine enough. :) But the ending - ahh, suspense. I can't wait for the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Yay thanks! I thought it was a pretty good way to put in all the tension and all that. In fact, I think you could cut the tension with a butter knife. I might. :) Thanks for the review!

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8th December 2008:
Hi there! I'm back to review again. Sorry I took a while. I was having... a break, if you will.

This chapter was smooth, and also added tension to your story. However, this chapter was filled pretty much with dialogue, so perhaps some little actions could convey the emotions better. (i.e. Like what SpringTime said)

Also, I spotted some grammatical errors, but not enough to detract from the story. :)
--> "I promise, Harry." She laid her hands on top of his.

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot. :D

Oh, and sorry about double-reviewing on the previous chapter. I thought I hadn't posted the first one. :|

My review thread is getting a bit overwhelming, so if you don't mind, this is going to be the last review. Well, you can always request again when there are slots, but right now I have to quickly review all the stories that have piled up. I haven't been attending to the thread. D:


Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much for reviewing again. I totally understand about the thread getting a bit unmanagable, no problems at all.

I'm pleased that you like the chapter. Yes, it is pretty dialogue driven, so maybe I'll try to add a bit more description.

Thanks for spotting the error.

No problem about the double reviewing. Something went funny with me as well because I responded twice and the reply just wouldn't show.

Thanks so much for all your feedback. x

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Review #37, by FoxtrottCompletely Nutters: Episode 1

5th December 2008:
Okay, you guys are seriously mad. Crazy! Bonkers!


Oh! Krispy Kreme! :) Nobody can resist their doughnuts. :D I would've burst out into song too.


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Review #38, by FoxtrottThe Joker and Her: Sorting

3rd December 2008:
Hey there! :)

I thought this chapter progressed pretty well, no big issues. :) Just a few spelling and grammar errors. Also, the house is spelt as "Gryffindor." :)

I'm looking forward to seeing Fred and George Weasley. :D This is going to be interesting... (:

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

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2nd December 2008:
Hello! (I decided to revert back to English.)

You wrote the action here very well, the story was pumping with adrenaline.

But you killed Fleur! And it was her wedding, no less. :(( Molly's gon' be maddd...

I think I spotted a few punctuation errors... but when I was reading the action, I just forgot. ._.

Great chapter - i enjoyed it immensely.

Anyway, if you have the time, maybe you'd like to check out "The Rose", or "Discretion" (if you were in a comic-relief-needing mood), in my archives. hehe. Thanks :P

I'll review more tomorrow!
Have a supercalafragalistic day! (I resort to gibberish, now.)

Author's Response: Will do; I was in a loop with this account for years lol did no longer have cell phone number or account this was originally linked to lol took a lot of efford and seeing that people still follow may actually prompt me to write more. In fact, I am ashamed that I just run out of steam or something x

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Review #40, by FoxtrottTales from The Mirror of Erised: An Odd Beginning

30th November 2008:
Hey there!

I especially like this idea of Lily looking at the mirror. :)

Again, the occasional grammar mistakes. A BETA can help you with that. You have more description here than in the previous chapter, so its a good improvement! :) Dialogue was also a great addition. :D

Keep writing, and you can always ask me to review when you have updated. :)

P.S. If you have the time, it would be great if you could check out my stories, particularly my favourite, "The Rose" (even though i don't think it's very well done. I need a bit more constructive criticism on that...) Thank you! :)

Author's Response: don't worry I'll check it out. I might not review, I'm not very good at that. I tend not to notice anything bad and just say how cool a story is. but if it ends up on my fav list I like it :) (I will try to review)
I'm glad you like this chapter, I think one of these chapters was written in like 15 min from pure inspiration (probably the first one). I'm glad that this one is better :). I did more work editing it then the first one, to make it long enough to be posted.
I'll look into getting a beta.

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Review #41, by FoxtrottTales from The Mirror of Erised: Harry Views His Desires, Again

30th November 2008:
Hey there! It's me from the forum. :)

I'd like to say that revisiting the mirror was indeed a very creative idea, and we can see how Harry had grown since book one (compare and contrast.)

However, your idea can be further developed, perhaps instead of just saying 'he no longer saw his parents by his side', you can convey that meaning through Harry's words, actions and thoughts. E.g. Harry still remembered years ago, when his parents were still by his side. This way, there will be more descriptions instead of just telling the story. :)

Also, I don't think Harry can ever completely forget about his parents. The middle part was italicised unnecessarily. Perhaps you can save the italicising for when you want to emphasise a single word, not several paragraphs.

Grammatical errors here and there, but a good BETA should get them all.

"Harry potter" --> Harry Potter
"then just as quickly ran down another, adjacent, hall" --> then just quickly ran down another adjacent hall.
"bent down an picked it up of the floor" --> bent down and picked it up
"except for one lone mirror as tall as he was and three feet wide." --> except for a solitary mirror of about his height, with a width of three feet
" 'I'm sure of it' Harry says" --> "I'm sure of it," Harry said
"he unwittingly walks closer" --> he unwittingly walked closer

This story has a lot of potential, and with a BETA and more detailed descriptions, your story will definitely improve. :)


Author's Response: thanks for the review. and thank you for the tips. I didn't mean to imply that harry had forgotten his parents, just that there were things he wanted more. oh and I was using the italics to indicate the mirror scene, kinda like a flash back scene or a dream in books. you review was quite help full. :)

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Review #42, by FoxtrottHold Back The Tears: Chapter Three- He Truly Isn't Here

30th November 2008:
Ni hao! :)

I like the scene in which she was in denial over Tyler's death. It was a nice touch - it happens every time with me when I can't get over something. :) Kinda surprising to find that Madison forgave James so easily though. I think I would have been like, "Yeah, whatever." :P Then again, I was never the extremely forgiving one. :)

I spotted some mistakes though:

"It was then when I jerked awake nearly shaking. A cold sweat bathed my body"
--> Immediately, I jerked awake, nearly shaking. I broke into cold sweat as...

"He had hurt me yesterday, weather he meant to or not."
--> He had hurt me yesterday, whether he meant to or not.

I think there are a few more, but I can't find them now. :(

Great job with the chapter, and good luck with your story.

Jia you! Zutto tsuzukete! (Ah. this could turn into a habit.)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! i'm going to fix those mistakes right away! infact i just fixed them! Thanks o much for a great review. By the way what language are you speaking in and what are you saying ja?

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Review #43, by FoxtrottHARRY POTTER AND THE MYSTERIES UNVEILED: Ancient Lores

30th November 2008:
你好!こんにちは! (Sorry, I got bored of greeting in English. Not sure if you'll be able to read the chinese and japanese though.)

I thought this was a very nice filler chapter. :) It progressed the story nicely, but slowered down the pace a bit so the reader can reflect on what's already happened and what could happen, and it doesn't lose the reader's attention either with great plot twists. :)

I could practically imagine McGonagall and Harry dancing together. Haha! And when she professional swung him into Ginny's arms - oh! That's a killer. :P

"She had to admit, he was no longer the 'Boy' Who Lived but a young man ready to take command, he exhaled charisma." Er, the comma between 'command' and 'he' should be replaced by a '-'. I think it would work better. :)

I'll revisit this story later, and I'll probably keep reviewing until all my slots are filled. (but you can always request again.)

Great job! :)


Author's Response: Hi, yes, Chinese or Japanese would be good if I could read either! lol

Thanks so much again. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I thought the wedding had to be described. I do sometimes have a tendency to indulge a little on filler chapters although, of course, something important happens at the end of this chapter which leads to a very action packed one.

Of course, it also progresses the relationship between Harry and Ginny a bit.

Just read and review what you can, when you can and as long as you enjoy it. No obligation at all. I'll try to review for you at some point to if you want me to. It's the least I can do.

Thanks for spotting the error again. You seem to have a good eye for detail, which I often don't.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it again. x

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Review #44, by FoxtrottHARRY POTTER AND THE MYSTERIES UNVEILED: Confession

30th November 2008:
Hey there. :)

It's great that you dedicated an entire chapter to the subplot about Draco, I was getting extremely curious. :P

I spotted a few grammatical errors, but when I looked again, I could only find one:

"I see..." McKenna said, (the comma.) somewhat unconvinced.

All-righty, on to the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much for getting back to this and for reviewing too.

Draco will play a much larger part in this story than he did in DH.

Thanks for spotting the comma business, I'll go and change that.

I'm really pleased you are enjoying this still. x

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Review #45, by FoxtrottThe Joker and Her: The Dementors on the Train.

29th November 2008:
Hey there, it's Foxtrott from the forum. :)

I was kind of expecting a bit of Weasley twins action here... (I love them!) I thought this chapter was a good introduction, although at least a bit of the twins can be mentioned, so that you can do, perhaps, a little foreshadowing about a future friendship with them.

Some parts were rather redundant, mostly those in brackets, like her wand type and Luna's comment. Just the occasional spelling and grammatical error here and there, but nothing a good BETA couldn't fix. :)

So that means that Brienne isn't a veela, then?

Anyway, it's been a pleasure reading your story, and when you update, do remember to ask for reviews over at my thread. I'll be looking out for this story! XP.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Thanks for the tips, and I will be letting you know when the next chapter is validated!

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Review #46, by FoxtrottHARRY POTTER AND THE MYSTERIES UNVEILED: At the Burrow

29th November 2008:
Hey there.

Ahhh, the charm of the veela. Works every time. Haha. Aww even Dudley's hooked. :P

I think your characterisation of Harry is very good, he's three-dimensional and well-rounded. Some internal conflict on Ginny's part was also a good addition to the story. :)

Just the occasional grammatical errors. I think it should have been 'Ginny shouted frustratedly'. :)

If you don't mind, I'm going to settle the other two stories before I come back to review more of this fic, since the other two stories have only one and two chapters respectively. :)

Cheers, Foxtrott.

Author's Response: No problem at all, yes, by all means go ahead and review the rest of your list first.

Thanks so much again, by the way, it's most appreciated.

I'm glad you like the characterisation of both Harry and Ginny. The way he broke it off at the end of HBP was so forced, well neither of them wanted it. Here, they are at first trying to avoid each other but then, well, they are going to be in too much contact for them to be able to just be like that, so things will have to go one way or the other.

I'm glad you like my little detail with Fleur.

Yes, I think you are right and frustratedly is better than frustrated in this context.

Thanks so much again. x

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29th November 2008:
Oh my, suspense, suspense~ Great job at building it up. Muggle magic - who would've thought of it? Honestly, this is genius. :) I think you have managed to strike the balance between dialogue and narrative here, good job. :)

Except the last paragraph was slightly... anti-climatic. We're all waiting to hear what he was going to do about the letter and he decides to read a book. ._.

Well, other than that, I thought this chapter was brilliant. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. I feel really, really flattered by your comments. Yes, I thought the Muggle magic could be an interesting take and I'm pleased that you found the balance between dialogue and description well done.

Now, in the last sentence, what I'm trying to convey is that Harry feels very overloaded. He has so many conundrums to think about and he just has to switch off for a while. He is curious as always, but feels almost bombarded, he is sort of drained with it all.

I'm so glad I got you intrigued. Thanks so much for your lovely and helpful reviews.

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29th November 2008:
Heyyo, it's me from the forum. :)

The part about Draco definitely seemed interesting, and I like it that there are two subplots going on in the first chapter. (It's so James Patterson! haha.) That way, we'll be reading one perspective but wonder what's going on in the other perspective. I think it's very hard to write two parallel plots, but the introduction of both subplots is very good. :) I'm especially intrigued by the subplot involving Draco.

However, I thought the "what do you want to know?" and "how can i help?" questions were a bit repititive, and if you were trying to make this story as canon as possible, then Petunia did seem rather OOC (from the book), as I remembered Petunia being more, howdoyouputthis?, unrelenting, and fixed with her stand.

Overall, I thought that this chapter was a good introduction to what would happen next. :) On to the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! I'm glad you like the idea of using various sub-plots simultaneously. I seem to have a tendency to do this. I wrote up to chapter 14 before DH so it's mainly canon up to HBP and then, well a bit of a mixture. I did wonder where Draco and Snape would end up after the Astronomy Tower and I came up with something that I knew it would not turn up canon but which I considered interesting. I'm glad you are intrigued. Now, Harry's and Draco's stories would converge in a way later on in the story.

Now, Petunia. Yes, she is softer than in canon but I have her being scared of what may happen when the protection on Harry is gone. Part of her is co-operating because of fear and part of her maybe feels just a tad guilty but there will be more on her later. I was a little disappointed that she wasn't able to say anything to him before he left although I liked Dudley's reaction in canon.

I'm glad you are enjoying this in the main.

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Review #49, by FoxtrottWhen Nothing Else Matters: Failing to Hate You

29th November 2008:
Hey there, here's your second review!

What a shocker, when Draco asked her if she would go out with him. :) I liked the way you added humour in your story through Hermoine's reply, it was brilliant. :)

"He whispered to his toy, ' Don't be sad, Mr Wood, you meet my Daddy when we go to his house, okay?' " OMG, you have no idea how overwhelmed I felt when I saw "Mr Wood", 'cause I'm like, "OLIVER WOOD IS IN THIS STORY?! WHERE?!" And then i backtrack to "his toy" and I'm like, "Oh." BUT WHEN I SAW OLIVER WOOD REALLY APPEARED, I WAS IN SUPERHYPERVENTILATING HYPER EXCITABLY EXCITED MODE.

Oops, sorry, back to the real review. :D I just had to say - shout - that. Anyway, I think your story is progressing well. Great job!

What a great first-dramione-fic-I've-ever-read!

(Sorry if this review seems a little skimpy, its just that when I saw Oliver Wood's name, I suddenly forgot everything I wanted to mention.)

Feel free to ask for more reviews!

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Review #50, by FoxtrottWhen Nothing Else Matters: First Love Never Dies

29th November 2008:
Hey there, Foxtrott from the forum here :)

This was a great introductory chapter, and it was good to use the element of irony: "She, who would humiliate Draco in public places and in front of his family and friends, was trying to give him a lesson about manners and tactfulness."

I also liked the way you wrote the son's innocence, and the contrast between father and son. (Oh, and I like the picture of his son on your chapter image. So cuteee!)

I think this chapter was very well done! Great job! On to the next chapter I go --->


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