Reading Reviews From Member: LaDorki
  
179 Reviews Found

Review #26, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: Live To Remember

27th March 2007:
Oy, I've just read over my last reviews and I apologise for the mistakes I made - I was very drowsy when I typed them, and thus my brain was not working. Kind of hypocritical for me to give concrit with mistakes in my reviews. Forgive me, I'll have less errors this time. ANYWAYS, onto the story (the important part!).

I enjoyed this chapter. Usually I go for something with longer scenes and fewer breaks, but this worked out well. So much ground covered. The only thing that really bothered me was that it isn't really clear what Hermione's parents did or did not know. I mean, if the Healers would tell Charlie about Hermione's pregnancy, it seems they'd tell her parents too. And you mention her parents again, but it's kind of murky. Other than that and a few little errors, this chapter was well done. =)))

I liked your interaction between Hermione and Charlie. You've got enough of Ron in Charlie that it's easy to see them together, because they connect with Hermione similarly and everything. They're both Weasleys, so I guess that helps. =) At the same time, the fact that Ron's dead keeps being brought up (as it should be - it's KIND OF a big deal, haha!), and I wonder how that will affect the relationship between Charlie and Hermione. Interesting indeed.

Author's Response: I can edit and make sure that the reader knows that Hermione's parents know about her pregnancy. If the healer didn't tell them, Hermione did. She didn't tell the Weasleys because they are Ron's family and she still has a hard time accepting that he's dead. She's afraid to face them because of all the memories it would bring to the fore.

I'm glad you liked the way I wrote the interactions between Hermione and Charlie. And of course I had to bring up Ron - it wouldn't have been realistic if I had not. I'm glad you noticed that and approved of the way I did it. You're right, there's enough of Ron in Charlie. But one wants to be loved for oneself... Right?

Thanks for the review - the cc and the compliments. And don't worry, I often think that I couldn't type to save my life. ;)


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Review #27, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: Losses

26th March 2007:
Okay, concrit out of the way first so that I can talk about the good stuff. My adivse is don't use the word "stuff" (as a general rule). When you used it here, it could be substituted for crafts, pranks, prototypes, etc. Those words would have been more descriptive. Also, I noticed some grammatical errors here and there. Nothing too disruptive, but perhaps another read-through would help you pick up on them. Those were the only things to really stand out to me.

But my, oh my! The emotion in this chapter. The first section was so heartbreaking, I had to stop and take a breath after. I hate to read about a mother losing a child, but you have done it here so well, and captured the self doubt and questions in a way that is sad, yet easy to read. The second section was my favourite of this chapter. I just loved Charlie's view. You wrote it so well, so lovely. There's a connection between character and reader that I absolutely love in a story. We feel Charlie's pain, we feel his sense of responsibility and denial. I very much like where this is going, with the hints you've placed in the third part. Your Charlie is somewhat like Harry, in my opinion, in that he's taken it upon himself to take care of Hermione since Ron's not there to. It's admirable, and very relatable in this situation. Excellent work on this chapter. Really, a lovely read. I'll be back very soon to read and review more!

Author's Response: You're right, of course, about the word 'stuff'. I should change that! As for the grammatical errors, I think I really have to open my grammar book again. English is not my mother tongue, and my grammar is starting to suck. I'm going to re-read the book and then I'll re-read my chapters. Thanks for the CC. :D

This chapter is sad, full of emotions. Yet it wasn't as difficult to write as I thought it would be. It was heartwrenching to write Molly's part, of course. As for Charlie, I admit I'm writing him like I would write an OC, but with the help of all the things we know about the Weasleys and the few things we know about him. I love it too when there is a connection between character and reader. So I'm glad you think there's one in this chapter. At first, I didn't know how Charlie would come out. So I let the words flow, and when I was done it sounded right. He's a bit like Ron, and a bit like Harry... He's more mature than Ron and Harry, and yet they found happiness before he does.

I'm very glad you liked this chapter. Thank you for the compliments. And thanks for reading and reviewing.


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Review #28, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: The Final Battle

26th March 2007:
So much packed into this introduction! At first I thought all this Ron/Hermione business was a tad rushed, but by the end I realized why that was important and I understand why you did it that way. Sometimes these things have to be made clear fast. But at the same time -- they're together, they're having sex, they're engaged. It's all so fast right at the beginning and perhaps if you ever go back and edit, you should be careful of that. Perhaps just cool things down, add in details a little more slowly, all that jazz.

The battle was fairly good. There was so much packed into it, yet it was paced well. You managed to fit so many characters in! I must, must, MUST commend you on this, because I'm very avoidant of battle scenes myself, and you've managed to do one that is both jam packed and interesting. And it all comes back to Ron and Hermione in the end, which is a nice way to tie everything back to the beginning.

As for characterisation, I'm not sure we saw enough personality to make an accurate judgment, but that's pretty normal for a chapter with so much action. The only thing that really stuck out as not so in character to me (and this might just be me, of course) is the proposal. I'm not sure why it struck me, but in front of everyone... I'm not sure, I just didn't see it. I just always saw Ron as the type to be more... private about that kind of thing. He's never been 100% open with his feelings about Hermione and I think a proposal would be the same way. But if you feel that it should be done this way, I can see where you're coming from. Harry was pretty well done for the considerably small part he played - especially with the ignorance to Ron and Hermione's relationship. =)

Overall, this is a pretty good start and the ending does spark some serious curiosity. Other than the rushed introduction to the relationship, I was quite satisfied with it. =) I don't read too much action, so this was interesting.

Author's Response: Ah, yes, I know. I will probably edit this chapter and add more details, make the pace of the first part slower...

I guess I so wanted to be done with this chapter - and especially with the battle scene - I rushed the first part. I like writing action scenes (the novel I'm co-writing, Two Lives In One, attests of that - it's a novel with a few plots and subplots, far more characters, than this one, and in which romance is second to action/adventure) but when I started to make a list of the characters, it was scary. lol. There were so many!

Concerning the proposal. I debated with myself: in private or not... Then I decided the latter would be a better idea. First, because I think that once Ron will have helped Harry finding and destroying the Horcruxes and finally admitted his love for Hermione, he will be more self-assured. All this will have honed the boy into a man. And I think that a more self-assured Ron could do it with his family around, just to be the first (for a change) to do something in such a way. But it's my opinion.

I'm glad you found this chapter interesting. Thanks for the long review. :D


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Review #29, by LaDorkiA Cold Heaven: Part II

14th March 2007:
*happy sigh* Oh, Missers. I do love this. I do, I do. =))) I like the memories most, although Gabriel was fun. I don't know, I just love your versions of James and Sirius, and when they're together it's perfect. The last scene was just lovely. =) It's... gah. I'm so bad at describing these things. I love James, he and Sirius are so in tune with one another, yet he is also a huge contrast. I like that he has moments where he still seems young, but has wisdom Sirius has yet to realize. They are such a lovely written pair. Good work, my friend. This particular chapter is probably my favourite work of yours so far; it's so smart and makes all kinds of connections, and even though I know it took a lot of thought, it appears effortless. When you're reading it, it doesn't feel like 8,000 words either. Perfection. Keep being amazing. ;) Hearts.

Author's Response: I'm sorry I pretty much told you the entire plot of this story and little side details, but thanks for being so supportive. *hugs* You're wonderful.

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Review #30, by LaDorkiA Cold Heaven: Part I

2nd January 2007:
Oh, sigh. Where to begin? I'm all over the place with this story. Cliché time: it's everything I expected and so much more. =) I think you were far too worried about this, it was just so lovely. Oh my. From start to finish, I couldn't figure out the words at all to describe how I felt about it. I love your characterization of James. He's awesome, and so everything to Sirius, and it fits so perfectly. I love how you always do that, and by "that" I mean take a situation and make the emotions all work out in the way you want the story to go. It's amazing, because I've never seen Sirius as the desperate type (well, in a sense, but not in the way you've used it here) and you have me completely convinced. James as an eleven year old, I must admit, is my favourite, though. =))) Lovely. As for the last scene (did you think I wouldn't comment on it? =P), it was perfect. I cannot think of any way I would improve it. So spot on. Another thing I love about your writing is that the reader can always tell what's going on physically, but you don't have to spell it out in so many words. Gah, it's wonderful. Definitely one for the favourites. I could go on forever, I love it so much.

Author's Response: I love YOU so much, le Chels. Thank you for reviewing and for being so supportive when I was writing this beast. Your reviews always make me feel so giddy. :)

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Review #31, by LaDorkiAll That You Can't Leave Behind: Shiver

23rd November 2006:
Okay, I'm finally back to review this chapter. I've only read it about four times. =) This, just like everything else you have written, is just lovely. Everything is elegantly put together - there's just enough, not too much, you know what I mean? Mundane scenes - the shower, for example - are filled with meaning and emotion. It's really wonderful to read, because you don't overflow the page with words and just say things as they are, but in a beautiful way. I'm really excited to see more interaction between Lily and James. I feel so badly for both of them. Great work, doll. Keep it up. =D

Author's Response: Thank you, hon! I was really trying for just that and I'm glad you saw it. Lily and James will certainly have some interactions in the near future :) Thanks for your lovely review!

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Review #32, by LaDorkiSearch and Find: Search and Find

26th August 2006:
Haha, this is pretty darn good for something that you just "slapped together." =P Well done, my friend. The mental images of the bodies were chilling, all the blood... *shivers* Just the thought of what the Death Eaters could've done to them makes me feel all cold and squirmy. I like the idea, showing how the deaths and missions affected the people in the Order. It was interesting to read James in this light because I tend to read about him as a goofball while he was in school, but I did like this look into his post Hogwarts life. I think your characterisation was well done, and I commend you for trying out Dumbledore a bit in your first fic. I personally find him a bit tricky sometimes, so I definitely have to give you props for making him very believable. As was McGonagall, she had just the right amount of worry. Everyone's words were placed very well, overall. As for some constructive criticism, I think there could've been a bit more description in certain parts. (Not the house with the murders, I don't like to think about the details very much there, but maybe that's just me. =P) For example, when Lily and James were talking on the stairwell, what was the lighting like? Was there complete darkness, or was there some moonlight or a random candle? Details like that are good to create clearer images for the readers. Also, when James hugs Lily, you say that he "flung" his arms around her. I don't know, I was a bit picky about this. Usually when the word "flung" is used, to me it implies that the person is all worked up, but in my mind James' hug wasn't really hysterical or anything. Maybe another word would've gone a bit better with the tone of the story. Oh, and Muggle should be capitalized, as should Muggleborn. Otherwise, I have no complaints. This was very well done and an enjoyable read. Write some more, dear! I'd be happy to read it. Good work, doll. =)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for reviewing my little lonely one-shot! I seriously appreciate the contructive critiscism on it, and since the advice is you, Chelsea, I'll remember it well, if I ever get around to finishing my other writings, ha ha. Thanks once again!

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Review #33, by LaDorkiAll That You Can't Leave Behind: Tangled

9th August 2006:
Oooh, Rory. =) What a spectacular opening. It was sensual and lusty, but it also had this emotional underlining. I really liked it. Your descriptions were very good without being overly graphic - just enough to show us what happened, yet it was still private, still theirs. You have me very curious to see what will happen next and how this fic with unfurl itself. Lovely work, my friend. Can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Thank you so much Chelsey! I'm so glad that you liked it :) Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #34, by LaDorkiTime's Bitter Flood Will Rise: Time's Bitter Flood Will Rise

17th July 2006:
Oh, Lordy, Missy. You know I loved this. There was a certain connection between the characters and the reader that was simple and easy, yet strong. You're SO good at doing that. =) Remus and Tonks felt so natural even though it's not your number one ship or anything. It was interesting to see that from you and I really liked it. I liked seeing a lot of James, especially. I really love your interpretation of him in this piece, it felt really honest and not glorified. Although I wish the bit with Harry and Remus at the end was a bit longer (haha, I bet that's where you and I differ the most when it comes to this fic =P), I enjoyed what I saw. You wrote Harry very well, it was just like him to step up and speak the words that James couldn't. He was sort of saving Remus, wasn't he? Saving him from that guilt and the unresolved feelings. And that's Harry for you. =P As for Sirius and Peter - spot on! There's not much else I can say about them. They were both done very nicely. The tension between Sirius and Remus in particular during part six was good. I really liked how you handled that. So good, Missers. Really well done. =DDD Oh! One other thing - the Sorting Hat should be capitalized, remember? =P Lovely piece, definitely one for the favourites.

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Review #35, by LaDorkiRelations: Relations

14th February 2006:
Okay, so... Woo, where do I start? Big fan of the first section. I really liked the, "His eyes were the perfect example of color relation," paragraph. =) It was short and to the piont, but the way you worded it made me think. I also particularly liked the conversation between James and Remus. Remus was just question after question while James was almost rambling. I really, really loved the characterization of both of them. And Ginny at the end! Haha, she was so cute, I think you captured her in her age pretty well. Sometimes she seemed young ("My mum says only bad people swear.") and sometimes she seemed a little more mature which works for her because she's at an age where people start some of the biggest personal growth in their lives. Overall I really enjoyed it and I really, really loved the concept. Excellent job, Shimp!

Author's Response: Wow, you are quick. Thanks! I had a ton of fun with Remus and James. They sometimes remind me of myself and this one friend of mine who can talk for hours about nothing, and is still fun to listen to. Rambling!James is just about my favorite thing to write. I love dialog in which people don't say anything, but they're talking all the while. You know? And on Ginny: when I was twelve, I thought I knew everything, even though I was still quite young (relatively speaking, of course). I actually wrote most of that part today (Well, all of it. Shhh, it's a secret, OK?), so it was a bit of a struggle to not make her a toddler or a teenager. Somewhere inbetween. Thank you again; your comments really made me smile. Thanks, Beans!

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Review #36, by LaDorkiAn Apple A Day: An Apple a Day

24th January 2006:
Interesting idea, very interesting indeed. I have to tell you that I don't normally read this type of fic, so this is a bit different for me. It was nice to see Parvati kind of make a fool of herself, after the way she acted around Harry. =P Nasty little gossip girl. Haha, cute fic, very amusing.

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad you read it even though you don't usually, I hope you start to like these kinds of fics :) I understand if you don't, though, I have some genres that I don't particularly like either.

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Review #37, by LaDorkiThe Unbreakable Bond: Bonds

23rd January 2006:
What a touching chapter. You touched down on so many different emotion plains - everything from anger to love to misery and for a moment we saw almost real happiness between Ron and Hermione (who are written excellently, I have to mention). On one hand, we see that Ron and Hermione are at least trying to move on and keep cheerful, while Ginny is just falling apart. It's kind of difficult to read about her suffering when she's usually a chipper sort of person. I think my favorite part of this fic so far are the scenes where Harry is watching or attempting to interact with them. When he's there with Ginny, it's heartbreaking and happy at the same time. It's touching, but some of his comments are also amusing and keep the scene from becoming completely sorrowful. Excellent work, I'll definitely be keeping up with this one. =)

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for your wonderful words! I am doing my best to write the next chapter as quickly as possible, but I won't be able to post it until at LEAST next week! I'll try to be in the chatrooms as much as I can until I post the next, though! Hope to see you there, LaDorki!!!! Mina

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Review #38, by LaDorkiThe Unbreakable Bond: Tears in Heaven

23rd January 2006:
Okay, whoa? Haha, I'm sorry, I'm a bit speechless. With that piece at the end... wow. What in the name of Merlin is going on there? Nice bit of suspence. I liked your characterization of Hermione's parents, by the way. I think Emma seems a lot like Molly, just very soft and kind. I guess she's a bit like Lily in that sense too. Anyway, well done chapter, you have me extremely worried about Harry. Although you are right about trouble following him. =P

Author's Response: *blush* GRACIAS! (I'm going to need to learn how to say thank you in several languages). Yes, Emma is a bit like Molly, only more Muggle and with Hermione tendencies. I adore Molly and I tend to wish I had a really Molly around, so I stick her wherever I can, as you can see in Chapter 3, as well, heh! THANK YOU AGAIN!

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Review #39, by LaDorkiThe Unbreakable Bond: Prologue: Muggle Magic

23rd January 2006:
What a dramatic start to pull readers in! Really well done prologue. I'm not a fan of songfics or that sort of thing, but for this fic it kind of needed the song to make it all come together, and that was pretty neat. In a way it was really nice how Hermione, Ginny and Ron all came to conclusions and fell apart together, all at the same time. While the fic started out seeming very cheerful, in the end it was unbearably sad. By the time you got around to saying flat out that Harry was dead, readers know and are begging for you to just say it. And that's really good, it's great to keep readers almost desperate to get to the conclusion. Really great prologue, I enjoyed it. =D

Author's Response: Thank you so very much, LaDorki! I myself avoid try to avoid songfics, but for some reason one decided to work its way out of me. Odd. Anyway, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

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Review #40, by LaDorkiThe Red Dress: The Red Dress

23rd January 2006:
Hahah, cute story, Ich. =) I think Luna can be challenging to write because it's hard to say exactly what goes on in her head, but your protrayal is amusing and nice to read when one usually goes for angst fics. =P Although I was a bit picky about your paragraphs (I know since it's a thought process at the beginning that it's spaced out for effect, but grammatically I think a few lines should have been in a single paragraph), I don't have much else to comment on. Cute story, keep it up.

Author's Response: Yeah I was debating putting a couple of sentences together but I got lazy in fixing up the spacing, which I should do soon. But thanks for telling me that! Luna was very challenging to write because like you said, her character is very random.

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Review #41, by LaDorkiLying there that night: Lying there that night

23rd January 2006:
Hey Yun - what a story! Sad ending, though. I'm personally not a fan of Harry dying in the end (but this is mainly because I like writing about him, lol!), but it was a good idea all the same. I think I would have liked to have seen some more detail, just elaborating on some of the points your already made. The conversaion/flashback section between Harry and Ginny felt a bit abrupt and I think it could have been great to see more description and details. Emotionally, you had everything sorted out nicely. However, there were some grammar problems so perhaps next time a beta would be a good idea to help out with that. Paragraphs and commas seem to be your weaknesses. Just keep writing, elaborate on what you already have, and make it nice and long. =) Overall it was an enjoyable read. Keep writing, you've got some excellent ideas here.

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Review #42, by LaDorkiBitter Me: Bitter Me

23rd January 2006:
That's some pretty intense reading material, Sophia. Two small things - Ginny's name is Ginevra, not Ginerva, yes? And there was one sentence I noticed was awkward, "He ricocheted off the walls of my mind whilst jabbing keys of magic that unlocked the full potential of my magic." It just reads a bit oddly, because of the two mentions of magic, I think. Otherwise, it was really well done. It seemed well thought out as well. I enjoyed it a lot - it was just vague enough for us to make up our own images and things, but still detailed enough that it's easy to read and follow. Great work. =)

Author's Response: I didn't want to get toooo violent/full of fighting, so I felt I needed somethings left unsaid. I've always thought of it as 'Gin-er-va', ever since I've know her full name, which is odd since it isn't the correct way to write it. Anyway, thank you so much for pointing out the errors! You've helped me so much. Thank you, La.

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Review #43, by LaDorkiHere, There and Everywhere: The Newlyweds from Plovdiv

29th October 2005:
!!! I love that you've brought Ginny into the story! She's my favorite female character at the moment, so I was VERY excited to see her pop up! Just one thing about that: Harry called her "hon"?! Since when does Harry call anyone "hon"? lol, I'm sorry, I just thought it was funny to see. One grammatical mistake as well, "And with that, both Elphick and him Disapparated." It should be, "And with that, both he and Elphick Disapparated." Not only is it smoother, but it's the correct way to say it. =) Gah, I just loved this chapter. And I absolutely can't wait to see Ron and Hermione pretend to be a married! That is going to be spectacular, I know you guys will write it fabulously. Try to update soon, I missed it.

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Review #44, by LaDorkiHere, There and Everywhere: Touchť

9th October 2005:
Oh, Lordy! I was not expecting that at all, any of it. Well, them getting caught was to be expected, because I'd imagine the security on the egg would be really heavy. A very interesting chapter, though. I was surprised by the egg. And that argument at the end! Woo, what a mess. I do hope you sort it out soon. Great work!

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Review #45, by LaDorkiHere, There and Everywhere: The Plea

2nd October 2005:
As usual, I loved it. The mission sounds really interesting, and your idea about these Half Breeds is quite intriguing. I'm extremely curious to see where that goes. Everyone was characterized well, except perhaps Tonks. Remember she's a bit of a klutz and very bubbly, so perhaps you could work those qualities in there. You also used the word "really" a lot, especially at the end of sentences in your dialogue. Be careful so readers don't think you're getting repetitive. Other than that, I think everything was prefect. Really well done, I'm so looking forward for your next update!

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Review #46, by LaDorkiMurder on the Hogwarts Express: The Final Evidence

24th September 2005:
Oh! I was so worried when Irene and Tonks were out at the end of the train. =) Great ending, I certainly was not at all disappointed. It was a good wrap up, it had all the important information without a bunch of pitter pattering about. Straight forward, but done in a tasteful way. I absolutely loved the whole thing! Can't wait to read more of your mysteries. =D

Author's Response: Wow. I honestly don't know what to say, Chelsey. This is such a stunning review! I really was worried about how the ending turned out - it might have been a bit too rushed - but your words are making me think otherwise. Thanks so much for your support throughout the writing of this story. It's been so much fun that I'm getting excited to write the next! =D

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Review #47, by LaDorkiMurder on the Hogwarts Express: The Evidence of the Truth

20th September 2005:
Why, Susan? WHY? Why must you put us through this painful wait? I was suspicious of Irene after she started acting strangely around Charlie, but this seems more complicated than I thought. I don't know what else to say, I'm quite befuddled and very anxious to read the end. Again, I must ask WHY? Ah, I can't wait. Just one little thing I noticed... But they could no do it alone... No should be "not," correct. Otherwise, flawless. I loved it. Am waiting quite impatiently for the last chapter! =)

Author's Response: *evil laugh* What sort of fun would it be if I didn't leave you hangning? =D It's so wonderful to hear that you like how the story's turning out - I always tend to worry too much. (I'll also get onto that mistake *head desk*) Thank you so much for all your support throughout this story. =)

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Review #48, by LaDorkiStupid Boys: The Masterpiece

29th August 2005:
Very cute ending. =) A good read, although I'm sad it's finished. Oh, hell. I admit, the kiss in front of everyone was a little bit cliché, but it was enjoyable all the same. Good work, I hope you do come out with a sequel, as I imagine it'll be just as humorous as the original. =D

Author's Response: Yeah, it was cliche, but damn do i love cliche. to be honest, it just fit in with the story. I tried to think of something cleverer or more complex but it just needed to be simple. Thanks for the positive comments though! And I'll attempt a sequel, I think.

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Review #49, by LaDorkiHere, There and Everywhere: The Mysterious Door

14th August 2005:
Oooh, finally the mission's going to get underway! I can't wait to read more about it. Not much to say about this chapter, except Ron's temper flared awfully quick at the end. Hmm, well, he does have a short temper, so it's pretty in character. I don't know, I'm very picky about those sort of things. *ponders* But anyway, the chapter was great, and well done. =D Awesome work.

Author's Response: As usual, your reviews are EXCELLENT! We know this chapter wasn't very eventful, but well, it is going to get better as the story continues. I'm glad you think we are writing a in-character Ron, because we are VERY picky about that too. THANKS AGAIN!!

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Review #50, by LaDorkiMurder on the Hogwarts Express: The Evidence of the ... Evidence?

14th August 2005:
...joining its single - and very dead - inhabitant. I have no idea why, but that line made me laugh out loud. Interesting combination of words. =P Very enjoyable chapter, and great moving through the plot. Can't wait to see how it ends, everything so far has been sepctacular. I highly doubt this one'll ever leave my favorites and I beg you - beg you! - to write another mystery fic. =D I'm still completely clueless (pun!) to who the murder is, so get the next chapter up as soon as you can. =D

Author's Response: =D What can I say? Could this be the first of the Nymphadora Tonks mysteries? Perhaps... Thanks for the great review, Chelsey. I knew that line would make someone laugh eventually - one has to have a little humour here and there. =P See you next chapter!

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