Reading Reviews From Member: LaDorki
  
179 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LaDorkiA Little While: Wading and Watching

9th February 2008:
Okay, opening scene - too cute! I had a mini squee fest at the image of it.

"Harry Potter! Are you afraid? After all you've done?" Oh, SNAP! Haha, what a cute, playful line. Then Harry's contemplation of Cedric's intentions. Ah, that was funny in a way. I was very amused by Harry's assumption of sexuality. Cedric is a respectable boy, dear Harry, haha! Your Harry is cute when he's got boys on the brain. Har har!

NO PANTS NO PRANTS AHAHA! I giggled A LOT during that section. What a silly girl this story has made me become.

Oh man, after Harry started struggling, not wanting to be near Cedric... To be honest, I almost liked this more than them kissing, in a way, because it was so human. Harry's feeling weren't necessarily rational, but he had good reason to feel that way, and the fact that he was so adamant was so stubborn like him. That was a great move on your part, and I think really showed off your grasp on his character. Again, one of my favourite moments, this time for Harry in general. WONDERFUL characterization. So well done.

Oh jeez. When Harry's all "I want to do everything!" and Cedric is suddenly dejected, and there's this great tension... Holy wow, I loved it. a) I realize why Cedric's upset, because if Harry's excited for life again, that means their time is over, as you have set up so expertly, and b) Harry's hardcore into Cedric, and it's so natural, and it's GREAT. You pulled off this ship so spectacularly, and I am so ridiculously grateful that you wrote this. You know how often I find them and actually enjoy them (like one out of ever thousand tries), so I'm just so happy that I finally have this piece in which I simply love both of them, and I love them together, and I love that Harry's growing. Fantastic. Thank you so much.

Author's Response: Hiyah doll! I see homework has captured you again and you're stuck right before the last chapter! Bah, you're crazy!

Glad you loved the opening scene! Teehee. Ad their playful lines, and Harry thinking Cedric wanted him out of his pants. Teehee. *hides* I dunno what I was thinking when I wrote this. I gotta ask myself that, I guess. But I'm so pleased you liked Harry. You're one of my harshest Harry critics! (I still shudder to think of you critiquing my Draco, but I still want you to!)

No pants - you giggled??? HAHA!!! *laughs at you without shame*

You know, it's funny, but when I re-read the story, and before I read your comments (I wanted to be prepared for what you pointed out) I got the same feeling about the tension/anger/kiss. The kiss was okay but I think I liked the emotion that came before it better. Blast, I should have stuck with that more. I was too eager to see more affection I guess, haha.

Aw, you saw Cedric's dejection. I'm glad you see some reasoning behind it too, which of course will show in the next chapter. I can't remember if I spell it out, but you've already latched on anyway.

I'm so pleased you think I pulled off the ship spectacularly! *dances* You're the one who would know, since you're such a fan of this ship! I know I had fun writing it, and it definitely stretched me since I had never before written Cedric or ... oops, almost gave you a spoiler! LoL. Anyway, glad you're loving it, hope you like the last chapter!


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Review #2, by LaDorkiA Little While: Fish and Fault

9th February 2008:
I'M BACK, after far too long. Far, far too long. I'm ashamed of how long! Anyway...

Oh, the questions in this chapter are grand. All this questioning of what is life and if Harry's really living; so wonderful. I love how Harry considered it. People so rarely make him a thoughtful character and it was wonderful to see that side of him again. *sighs* I missed your Harry so dearly! As for the chess game analogy - perfect. Loved it.

"Wait! Don't just throw it! How would you like to be tossed back into a lake by a huge giant?" HAHA! That was priceless. I can just see his face... Lovely. I laughed out loud.

The moment where Cedric sucks the blood away? Whoa. At first I was like, is this supposed to be naughty or just distracting? Lol! I loved that. A fun little addition, and I adored how thrown off Harry was. Cedric seems to have no inhibitions! I like it.

Holy bananas! What a kissing session! So intense, and lovely to read. Wow, wow, wow. Dear Lord, woman, do you deliver! Probably one of my favourite kissing scenes EVER. Wonderfully structured, well paced, not overdone, passionate and earnest. Fantastic. Beautiful. Egads!

Ah, and when Harry started crying... Oh, my heart hurt terribly. I normally don't enjoy Harry crying very much, but this time it felt real and well tiemd and not out of place. And IN CHARACTER, mentioning how much he hated the feeling, and how it made him think he was weak. I think that helped a lot in that fact that Harry didn't just let it happen. He was still Harry. Well done.

Beautiful chapter. I very much enjoyed it, and was so unhappy that I hadn't got to it sooner. Loved it, my dear.

Author's Response: My LaDorki! I'm so glad you came back! Most of all I just hope you enjoy it, since it was written for you. (o:

You know, I always thought Harry was a thoughtful character, especially as he got older. I thought that showed a lot in HPDH. He spent years gathering the info. and skills he needed and he was well equipped to handle it all when the time came - and that means handling the thoughts and tough decisions as well.

Hehe, throwing the fish. (o: Glad you laughed!

Sucking the blood off - I think it was just instinct reaction. When you papercut your finger, don't you suck on it? LoL, a lot of people do. Though, granted, this was Harry's finger. I think Cedric had a spur of the moment urge and followed it. Heh.

Glad you liked the kissing scene. Teehee. It had been so long, I had to go back and re-read this story so I would remember what you were reading! But I'm glad you liked the kissing. (o:

I don't normally like Harry crying much either, I think I just felt it here. Crying is something I have to feel when I write it - feel that the character would really actually do it. It's a weird part of my writing style I could explain better elsewhere, heh. Thanks though, glad you liked it!


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Review #3, by LaDorkiA Little While: Light and Dark

12th August 2007:
You tease me horribly with this chapter! Oh, I adored it. It was so simple, yet there was so much feeling in it. I have to start with the romance related stuff, of course, because OH MY! ;) I loved what you did with the kiss - just small and simple, but at the same time, you know I was begging for more. ;) But I like the comfort Harry and Cedric fell into after that. Before, things had a certain playful tenseness, and then after it was more of an understanding. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was great. And the end, that last full paragraph before the last two sentences... *melts* Oh, my god, it was perfect.

The sledding was super fun! Hahah, I loved it. At first I was like, 'where is this going?' but I thought it was a lovely way to bring about the connection between the boys. And Harry not knowing how to sled... *snorts* That was adorable and hilarious. I loved seeing that side of the boys' interaction. I don't write that, nor have I read a lot of it, and it was wonderful.

The dream with the dead people, again... This time it came out of nowhere. Here I thought you'd written this nice fluffy chapter, and then this. Bang! Lovely work, though. Love how Cedric steps in, of course. *melts some more*

Continuing to love your Cedric, and your emotionally enthralling writing. Can't wait for more, dear!

Author's Response: Tease you? Muahaha! Oh you just wait my dear! You wait! (o; I think teasing is great actually. LOL!

The kiss eh, you liked that one? Begging for more? I think I am highly inclined to acquiesce to your request! (o; I'm so pleased you liked the romance in this chapter. Heh.. *grins*

The sledding.. What bizarre randomness fills my head? It was strange, I know but that was what it was... There shall be more boy-connection coming too. It's kinda fun to write. LoL.

Fluffy chapter. HAHA.. Fluff, me.. ha.. (o; Well, maybe the next couple could be called fluff, I'm not sure?? You can decide. Anway, glad you liked the dream and Cedric rescuing him. *sighs*

You still like Cedric, yay!!! (o: Thanks for the review dear. Have I told you how much I enjoy being pals with you? Heh.


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Review #4, by LaDorkiA Little While: Not-So-Happily-Ever-After

9th August 2007:
Ooooh... my god. This is just great, my dear! Where do I even start? The dream in the beginning was so intense. I really enjoyed the sense of hectic confusion, and all the familiar faces, all these people that are usually so happy that are suddenly angry and dark. The descriptions were perfect - just detailed enough to make an impact, but vague enough for a dream. Especially when Lupin said "I'm ashamed of you." That paragraph was a bit of a punch in the stomach, both for Harry and for me as a reader. I liked that a lot.

One thing I noticed as I was reading was the specific emphasis put on certain statements. Just the little sentences that are in their own paragraph. I liked how you structured them that way, because in my head I read those sentences slightly differently than others. "So many expecations," for example. It was just so much heavier by itself than it would be in a paragraph. Lovely little details like that.

Your version of Cedric is... Well, I adore him, of course. He's unlike the Cedric I'm used to, but not in a way that makes him out of character. He just brings a certain vibrancy that I enjoy very much. Even when things get serious at the end, he's grinning and even though Harry is feeling so low, it makes the whole thing feel more optimistic. I like it, I like what you've done with his character so far.

This reminds me, that bit at the very end, with Cedric's hand? It was dripping with purpose, how Cedric only moved when he noticed Harry looking. I love those little details, and that one made me squee just a little bit. ;)

This is a LOVELY start, my friend. I can't wait to see where this goes next. As usual, I loved it. And thank you very much for writing it. I barely ever find this ship and really enjoy it. =)))

Author's Response: My LaDorki!!!!! *grins HUGELY and stupidly hehe*

Yay, I'm so glad you like this! I had fun writing it, and, erm, I'm still writing it and enjoy it, so I hope you'll keep liking it! Hehe!!

The dream! I'm glad you got it, and you liked the intesity and the darkness. It was meant to be really dark, really haunting. Harry, happily ever after? HAHA, yeah no, the boy needs some problems for life to feel normal for him, hehe.

I'm ashamed of you.. Ah, I hated and loved that part, and I had to use it... It had to come back for him....

The sentences as their own paragraphs! I think I picked that up from reading others' fanfic? I like the way the sentances sit there and feel different when they're all there on their own. Like you have to actually touch the phrase and hold it before you can go on. I'm glad you liked that!

Cedric! I feel so strange writing him because... well... I write people that I know. Like I feel like I totally know Harry, Hermione, Ron, and, well I'm feeling comfortable with Draco even. But Cedric, I feel so... like I'm hanging free out there left into a bit of outer space trying to feel around for who Cedric is. Heh. The only fanfic Cedric I've read is yours, so I'm not sure how he's usually written. But I'm glad you feel the vibrancy, and the optimism. Those are very important things to feel around Cedric. (o;

Ah, Cedric's hand!!! Ha, would you believe that's something I've been trying to learn from your writing?? Honestly! I try to practice what I learn in your stories.. about showing what people are thinking or feeling, rather than saying it. I'm trying to do that, anyway. And you're quite skilled at it!

Anyway, next chapter is coming, possibly today, I'll see! LoL. And it has a little more... erm... well.. a little more in it, lol. Hehe, can't wait to hear from you again, dear!


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Review #5, by LaDorkiWithout You: Time for a Change

27th July 2007:
I loved this chapter. I love Harry talking to Remus whenever possible, and I love Harry questioning his feelings, and this chapter just did so many things for me that I love to read about. Harry wondering what he should call Remus - I liked this, because it wasn't the usual 'You can call me Remus!' 'Okay, Remus, old pal!' type of interaction. There's more to it, Harry respects Remus, recognizes what a great man Remus is. I'm just so happy you made note of that.

Harry's thoughts about Hermione, Ron and himself were perfect. It was so Harry... Oh, how I missed your version of him. Just wonderful. And Harry imagining Hermione married to someone else, and being uncomfortable with it... Ah, it made me laugh for some reason. But yeah, I am very concerned about what will happen between Harry and Hermione when he leaves. Harry being so unsure isn't comforting my worries very much. =P Neither is the next chapter's title and summary! But anyway... This was a wonderful chapter, as always. Lovely characterisation, lovely thoughts, lovely everything. I love the direction you're taking this story in. =D

Author's Response: Loved it?!! *dances*

You like Harry/Lupin conversations? hehe, I know I like yours, that's for sure. I'm so pleased you liked this chapter! And Harry's debating over what to call Lupin. Maybe I'm an oddball who doesn't expect Harry to start calling him Remus.. Perhaps it's the culture I'm in over here where there's such high respect for teachers... I dunno, I think Harry has always thought of Lupin as 'Lupin' in his head, so it seems like what he'd be inclined to call him.

Aw, you like my Harry!! *grins stupidly*

LoL, you laughed with Harry imagining Hermione marrying another bloke. I reckon if the guy had Ron's face Harry would have thought nothing of it - maybe. I mean, what kind of implications come with what he's thinking, or not thinking, you know?

LoL, Harry being unsure and the next chapter title has you worried, eh? Teehee! I can't wait for you to read it! It's one of my fave chapters. Muahaha...

Anywho, thanks for such a lovely review! Can't wait for you to read chapter 12!! Hehe.


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Review #6, by LaDorkiWithout You: The Dementor's Kiss

26th July 2007:
Okay, this chapter... Hmm. I really don't know where to start. It was just lovely, this progression, this struggle. The opening scene, I enjoyed so very much. The simplicity of just holding one another, how important it was... I don't know, it's one of my favourite Harry and Hermione (either as friends or more!) scenes I've ever read. It was just comfortable, yet it made a statement about where their friendship is heading... Further solidified with the next scene. ;)

And then, Harry's dream... I liked it a lot. (And not just because you brought up Cedric! Hee hee...) It was so scattered, and it sets the tone for when reality and dream begin to mix, and ahh! I just loved it. And, you know, I wasn't expecting to be so comfortable with the kissing. I've been trying out some H/Hr lately, but nothing like this, nothing with such significance in each moment. And I also like that it brought back themes from the book - love conquering evil and all. By this time in the story, it just felt right, like this was what was supposed to be happening. You are not forcing the characters into it, just guiding them. I very much like that.

However, my absolute favourite thing about this chapter is Ron being the "bookends." The chapter starts with Harry thinking about him, and ends with Hermione thinking of him. I just loved that - not because I'm against H/Hr, because you know I'm not, but rather because Ron's death is what brought them together and is such a huge part of this story... I just liked it. Lovely writing, my dear. The feeling and tone was so perfect.

Author's Response: What a lovely review dear! I'm so pleased you liked this chapter! And the hug... yano, there's something about a nice hug that just feels right... One of your fave H/Hr scene you've ever read? Hehe, well dear, I think you've not read much H/Hr, hehehe. (o: But I liked what you said - comfortable, yet making a statement about where the friendship is heading...

Liked the dream? Hehe, of course, Cedric. Hey, erm, I got an idea last night for a Harry/Ced... (o: Anyway, lol, Yeah the dream was meant to be really dreamlike, and indeed scattered and hard to follow because that's how it's coming at Harry. You were comfortable with the kissing? *dances* And I reckon the timing and pacing were alright, from what you've said. I'm definitely not trying to force the characters, so I'm really happy it's coming across right!

Ah, the Ron bookends eh? Would you believe I didn't plan that? Actually, this story I wrote completely beginning to end (sorta) but later went back to divide the chapters and it just sorta happened that way, I guess. I don't think I ever specifically noticed Harry thinking of Ron at the beginning and Hermione thinking of him at the end. That's kinda cool. Teehee.

Indeed, Ron's death is a huge part of this story and it will remain so. It's easy to kill off characters to get the plot you want to go for, but it changes your other characters when their best friend dies. Ron has a huge part in this story, even if he's gone. Anyway, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it! (o:


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Review #7, by LaDorkiWithout You: Time Marches On

26th July 2007:
When I got to the end of this chapter, I almost thought there was a glitch and there was supposed to be more. =P But it was a nice little interlude, and I like this job you've created for Harry. It seems right for him, where everyone would treat him just like anyone else. At the same time, I'm not sure if running off to Norway is going to help him as much as he thinks it will. I'm very interested to see where you go with that. =)

Author's Response: Yeah, so this chapter is my least favorite of the entire story, hehe. Someday maybe I will add some more.. but yeah it's a bit of an interlude, as you said. (o: I'm glad you like Harry's job. I like original jobs in fanfic, heh. And after all the deaths, I thought he might want a break until he felt up to it, got his fire back yano?

Hmm, not sure if running off to Norway will help him? Yeah, I'm not sure either. (o: But Harry's not the most logical being and tends to just run off... Although as of late (in the books) he's often more right than wrong. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! I was soooo giddy when I saw them! (o:


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Review #8, by LaDorkiRage Against the Dying of the Light: Rage Against the Dying of the Light

6th May 2007:
Today I realized that this story is in my favourites even though I had never reviewed. Quite strange. So here's a long overdue review, both for this story and in that I promised you one... ages ago. ;)

The opening of this piece is really effective. It sets the tone of the story and explains Sirius' fall from the top in an elegant way - nothing too fancy, but still thorough. Great way to open the story. I liked your characterization of Regulus and Mrs. Black, especially, in section two. The one paragraph describing Mrs. Black's presense and how she was once beautiful was nicely done, it emphasized her personality a lot. As for Regulus - I can't lie, I don't read very much of him, but I do like this stubborn, naive boy you've given us. If he didn't believe in horrible things, I would even consider him a bit adorable in that "aw, he's just little" sort of way. I know you know what I mean. =P

The third section, I really liked. It was simple and short, but the meaning that came out of it was just as important as any other section of this story. I think it's important that people realize that family is still family, no matter how much they hate one another. Some people depict Sirius' runaway as a relief and a new start, whereas you have done it in a way that is far more realistic with regret and unsevered ties. That's one of my favourite parts of your writing, your instinct for what is realistic and human nature. Just lovely.

After reading A Cold Heaven, I like the connection between Sirius and James even more in this piece. Not that it's the same connection, but that fic definitely changed the way I look at them (in the best way possible! =D), so to see them back together, not needing to speak to communicate, is spectacular. I love their friendship in your writing. Always effortless, always completely real. Great work.

Marauders reunion! DRUNK Marauders reunion. How fun. Anyways. I love your Remus/Sirius, as usual. Even though they're already heavily established in this fic, it's kind of like the Marauders themselves - the way you've written them, it's not like you're introducing a new idea. It's just second nature, what's always been. This is probably my favourite way to read them, when there aren't any explanations. They just are, and because of that you can go new places with them that you can't in a fic they're only just starting out as a couple in. This isn't a new relationship, it's steady and strong, and we don't have to know when it starts or ends because it's timeless. Love the way you depict that.

However, the best part of the story is the overall feeling I'm left with as I finish it. The feeling of still holding onto that family/blood tie, yet finding a saviour in something new. You do it so well. =D Not sure why I didn't review this the first time I read it, but I think it's better this way, 'cause I was kind of a cruddy reviewer back when you first put this fic out. =P Hope this was sufficient for such a long wait. ;) HEARTS.

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Review #9, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: Interlude: This Conpiracy

29th April 2007:
This was a nice little break from your main characters! Although I do like Barabelle, this was a nice little break. Again, your descriptions are spot on - really well done. I like how you've written Lucius here; he's so disgusting. Well, not disgusting, but you know what I mean. Just so ... I can't even find the words. But you have done it WONDERFULLY in this chapter.

Not much else to say except that I'm really looking forward to an update! I like where your story is going. And bring in Peter! =P

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Review #10, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: To Find Your Place

28th April 2007:
I liked that you had Barabelle feeling so sad at the end. Throughout the story, even though she has been constantly running from her family, she still remembers fine details (the violets her mother cared for, for example) and family anecdotes. It's a realistic way for her to feel - disconnecting oneself from family at such a young age has to be difficult. So, good emotional story in this chapter.

Again, where is Peter? I'm trying to be patient for his introduction. ;)

So, Bellatrix is only slightly disturbing, isn't she? Oh my, her characterization was pretty intense in this chapter. Her mannerisms, Sirius' story about her and the rabbit... It was very interesting. Really liked it.

My favourite part of this chapter though, is, of course, the very beginning when Remus saves little Barabelle! I thought it was really adorable, and it was nice that Remus did it instead of James or Sirius, who are usually written (that I've read) in fanfiction as more of the Harry-saving-people type when at this young age. I'm totally sailing the Remus/Barabelle ship, though. That was just so conciderate of him. =D

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Review #11, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: Handshakes and Meetings

28th April 2007:
Firstly - the description of Lily was simply beautiful. Elegant. Very simple, but very affective. Loved it. In fact, the descriptions of each of the characters was really well done. I especially liked your version of Remus. He's probably my favourite Marauder, and you wrote him wonderfully in this chapter. The image of him in my mind was so strong, that haunted look so immense. Wonderful descriptions.

I do have to admit, I was so disappointed that Peter isn't in this chapter. I've read your responses to other reviews and know he's included later, but I was really hoping to see him here. I do hope he shows up very soon. Otherwise, a very enjoyable chapter!

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Review #12, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: A New Place in the World

28th April 2007:
Lovely chapter! Bit of a fast read, but still very enjoyable.

Your choice of words, I've noticed, is very... the word isn't intentional, but sometimes the way things are worded are revealing, you know? And I like that. The way the men talked about Barabelle as a possesion, the way you described the boy in the shop - it was all very purposeful, but natural as well. I really enjoyed reading it.

Not much else to say about this chapter, except you have a great way of progressing through suspence so far. =)

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Review #13, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: Taking Flight

28th April 2007:
Okay, I'm finally back to read some more! I apologize for the wait, life got in the way a bit. ;)

So, from the top! The scene with Conan was fun to read. You kept the pace fast enough for the reader to feel the rush, yet it also had some lovely details. The build up before Barabelle's magical explosion was perfectly done, full of anticipation. Your descriptions are superb - so natural and flowing. They read without effort, without any sign of intention. I love that in a story. It really adds something extra.

Also, I loved these sort of "in between" scenes - the scenes that are transitional, yet hold a lot of purpose. When Barabelle is looking back on the mansion, that is a detail that happens in a lot of running away stories, but the way you wrote it and elaborated on it was very nice. And the same tone - the tone of change and looking ahead - carried on through the end of the chapter, and it was a satisfying read. =) Well done.

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Review #14, by LaDorkiWings of the Raven: The Bird Knows Its Cage

5th April 2007:
Eh bien! I did enjoy this first chapter. It was very easy reading - not in that it was simple, it was just written in such a way that the words flowed together nicely. I really enjoyed your descriptions, they were smooth and didn't seem really intentional. I like that in writing, when the descriptions (and similies and metaphors - you had some great ones) are worked into the story in such a way that you almost don't realize it's in there, except the image in your head is a lot sharper. Really nice.

Arranged marriage? Oh dear. That does make me nervy. I like Barabelle's character, though, and I'm excited to see what she makes of it. I love mischievous characters like hers - kind of sneaky and very aware of her behaviour. It makes it really easy for her to manipulate other people, which might be interesting! ;) Anyway, overall a really good opening chapter. Definitely has me curious about the following ones.

Author's Response: Thanks! Can't wait to hear your reviews on the following chapters. Chapter 7 coming soon! =)

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Review #15, by LaDorkiWithout You: Weasley Hauntings

27th March 2007:
Oh my, that dream certainly was torture. But torture in the best way, because no matter how bad I felt for Harry I could not stop reading. This is my favourite story centered around Harry that I've read in a REALLY long time. I so adore it and its heavy emotions. The angst is critical, but not overwhelming. Just... gah. Excellently written. You have to keep writing (this fic and others!), because I need to keep reading. Thanks so much for asking me to read this, and for writing it in the first place. It's superb and I can't wait to read on.

Author's Response: Torture in the best way? hehe. Yes, we finally see one of the dreams, and it was certainly meant to be torturous.

Your favorite story about Harry? *dances with delight*

Heavy emotions, it'll still stay centered on emotions, but it's moving on some too. I'm glad the angst isn't overwhelming, I was afraid it would be!

I have to keep writing? Hehe. Well, we're just almost to the half way point in this story. I've got a couple other stories in-progress, so I might end up posting another one after this one. Still thinking about it and working on it. (o:

I'm glad you've enjoyed reading, and that it wasn't a dreadful job reveiwing. Thanks heaps, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the upcoming chapters, if you come back. (o:


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Review #16, by LaDorkiWithout You: Anywhere But Here

27th March 2007:
There's Percy! You have a tendency to answer all my questions so quickly after I come up with them. That's good, you've got all the important stuff covered in a timely fashion. Well organized, that is. =)

As for the rest of this chapter - whoa. The hits just keep coming. I really don't know what else to say without repeating what I've already done in other reviews. This is just so intense, so deep down in the characters. I was glad to see a check up with Lupin and the others, though. It's clear that they're trying to heal together, but maybe it was too soon for Harry. The more I read him, the more I love him. Your characterisation is spot on. Awesome work!

Author's Response: Hehe, I love it when you ask a question and it gets answered next chapter. (o:

The hits do just keep coming... And some are ready to start talking and healing but... Harry's not. He's carried quite a weight on his shoulders, poor fella. I'm glad that you still love him in my story. I hope you continue to love him in this fic! (o: Thanks as always for your kind words!


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Review #17, by LaDorkiWithout You: The Woes of Mrs. Weasley

27th March 2007:
I adored this chapter. I don't read about Molly often, but I very much like the voice you've given her. And this entire recap... it puts everything that's happened into perspective, doesn't it? But I've thought once before and was reminded again in this chapter about Percy. Where is he? Did I just miss that bit, or has he been left out? I've been so focused on Harry and Hermione, I can't remember if you've mentioned him. Anyway. Lovely chapter, although I caught a few grammatical errors. Do you have a beta? Your grammar and punctuation is already pretty good, but a second opinion would polish this up, you know what I mean? Your writing is beautiful, and the few little mistakes are sometimes distracting from it. Just a suggestion, of course. =)

Author's Response: This was also one of my favorite chapters to write. I don't read Molly often either. I'm not sure why I did this chapter, this way... I think the story just sort of dictates itself, and this is what it called for...

Nothing like a Mother's sorrow to help you see the depth of everything. Ah, yes, you picked up on Percy. A few others did too. Well, see, he was sort of Iffy as to what side he was on, if he was going to come back to the family, etc. So they didn't know what happened to him, and ended up just hoping for the best, and leaving things unsaid for fear of what the truth might bring.. But you found out next chapter about Percy.. (o:

Grammatical errors? I do try my best! I have a scene-beta who sorta previews things for me and we bounce around ideas, but he doesn't do grammar/etc. I do all the grammar/etc beta-ing myself, so to speak. I tried to get a beta for that, but they were all like 13 years old, so I decided to do it myself. I am sorry for the mistakes though, I do try my absolute best to catch them all!


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Review #18, by LaDorkiWithout You: Missing You

27th March 2007:
I love your version of Harry. I don't enjoy other people's Harrys too often, either. Just Rowling's, really. So really good job, there. The difference between his conversation with Ginny and Hermione is dramatic and telling of his feelings, entirely. You can see that everything is different for him, because he experienced things with Hermione and not Ginny. It's sad that she can't understand that, but then again at a time like this I'm sure she'd be looking for anything to be sad about other than her brothers, you know? It's a really complicated situation, when you think about it, but you've presented it beautifully. Other than a few errors here and there, this chapter was absolutely wonderful. I'm really enjoying this fic. =)

Author's Response: You love my Harry? *dances* I was really going for realistic and proper characterization. I don't really enjoy Harry, Hermione, or Ron if people don't write them with good characterization. I don't think my Harry is quite the right JKR Harry, but I've tried my best to preserve him, and grow him where he would realistically grow...

Yes, it's unavoidable that Harry's relationship with Hermione and his with Ginny are going to be drastically different now. It's not like he doesn't care about Ginny, or that he's in love with Hermione or anything like that. It's a matter of Ginny not really being able to understand who he is now, but Hermione can. She was there, and she's been changed and affected too. And try as Ginny may, she can never quite understand. Sad, but this happens a lot in life. There are some things others can't understand without having been there. Those who've been there have stronger bonds because they understand...

Yes, you're very right that Ginny would be looking for anything to be sad about besides her brothers. It's a tough situation, and something Harry will continue to blame himself for, too. Poor kids.

Hehe, I'm glad that no matter how many kind words you say, you still pick up on a few errors (which I'm curious to know what they are!!) I read my chapters about 10 times before I post them, so if I miss something, then I'm utterly hopeless in seeing it! Anyway, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!!


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Review #19, by LaDorkiWithout You: The Burrow

27th March 2007:
The opening to this chapter was just what I was looking for from Arthur! Forget everything I said before. I got what I felt was missing from the beginning. It was just enough to catch a glimpse of his sorrow. Nicely done.

This chapter is another intense one. It's the only word I can think to describe everything so far. Your writing is well paced and lingers long enough to give the full effect, not so long that it's lagging. And the emotional descriptions kill me every time. Those descriptions connect the reader to character so well, and I love it. It's full of depth. I'm lost for any other words. Characterisation was lovely, writing was lovely, everything is top notch.

Author's Response: Finally we see Arthur's grief. (o: But I'm glad it's something you were picking up on, something missing. I don't really go for tunnel-vision stories where we ignore everything else besides the two or three main people.

Intense? I like intense, I'll take that. (o: I'm glad it's well paced. I was worried that it would drag, that readers would feel it was moving so slowly or that nothing was happening. I do hope the pacing remains adequate.

Thanks so much for continuing to review all the chapters!


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Review #20, by LaDorkiWithout You: Surviving

27th March 2007:
The change in Harry and Hermione is really powerful in this chapter. Astounding, really, how you have changed these characters almost in full, yet you have done it in a way that I find fully believable. There's out of character, and then there is a growing character. You've certainly achieved the latter, and for that I must commend you. Wonderful characterisation here. I got lost in it more than once and forgot to notice the other things going on.

Again, though, I would've liked to see more of Arthur's thoughts. What you've written here is wonderful, but it's still missing something. That doesn't mean that he has to cry or have an outburst, but just... I don't know, that extra something the emphasize his sadness, you know? I'm really enjoying this fic so far, though. Really wonderful, emotional writing. Just the kind I like. =)

Author's Response: *beams at your wonderful words again!* Harry and Hermione - growing characters?! Ah, I'm delighted to hear. I was anxious about this, because I was afraid people would feel that they were out of character, but the problem was - they had changed. It was impossible to suffer what they went through and *not* be affected. They have changed in huge ways. I'm glad you see them as growing characters. I'm so happy to hear that!!

Arthur's thoughts are coming, as you already found out. The glimpses of other's emotions sort of get sprinkled in there...

You like emotional writing? I think that's what I like writing... Never could really write anything comedic. I go for the emotions I think. (o:


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Review #21, by LaDorkiWithout You: Awaking

27th March 2007:
Oh, ache. My heart hurts from this chapter. So much sadness, so much desperation. Okay, let's start from the beginning.

Opening scene. Oh wow. The description is chilling, but lovely in that it establishes an emotional connection to the reader early on. Good work, there, definitely. I'm so sad for Ron. I do love that character. *sigh* But at the same time, so relieved for Harry. You had me holding my breath for a second there; I was so sure he was done for. You certainly know how to put a fan on the edge of their seat. =)

All this scar business is interesting, and I'm curious to see where that goes next. I think I would have liked to see a little more of Mr. Weasley's grief, and there were a few grammatical errors here and there, but overall the chapter was good. Really intense, and very enjoyable aside from its sorrowful contents.

Author's Response: *smiles* I really appreciate your kind words about these chapters. And yes, this chapter is particularly sad. They sort of stay sad for quite awhile. The story establishes an emotional connection to the reader? What wonderful words to hear! This is meant to be an emotional fic, so it's neccessary that the reader be drawn into it...

I do love Ron's character as well. I hated him dying, but that's what the story called for... You thought I'd kill off Harry too? Well, the poor bloke lived, but I'm not sure if he's happy about that...

Yes, there are lots of scars, and probably to the disappointment of my readers, I'm not following the story of the scars (though there is one...) The story is about the internal scarring, not so much the external ones. But they make their appearances.

I think you found Mr. Weasley's grief already. Just a couple more chapters on. Each of the characters are grieving, but the story will mainly focus on Harry, and Hermione too. But we'll get glimpses of the other characters... (o:


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Review #22, by LaDorkiWithout You: The End

27th March 2007:
What an intense opening scene! A bit of concrit: in Harry's dialogue, he says, "I told you guys to stay back," but when has Harry ever called people "guys"? I don't know, maybe it's a small detail, but as I said in my post, I'm very picky about Harry. =) The other bit I got iffy about was after characters had been Stupefied -- you can't just wake up from that, you have to be Enervated, yes? Here you had the characters waking on their own. A couple little grammar issues as well, but nothing overwhelming. Just some small details.

Otherwise, though, this was a great opener. It was fast, intense, and detailed, keeping the reader involved and curious. Really good action scene. I'm VERY excited to see what happens to poor Harry! Oh, you are a cruel writer to end the chapter there. =P I kid. Good work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming to review! And thanks for the critique. I never picked up on Harry saying 'guys' and you're quite right, he never says that. Maybe I could just cut the word 'guys' out of that sentence... Maybe "I told you two to stay back..?" Something. I need to edit this first chapter, anyway.

Ah Stupefied and Enervate. Spose they were Enervated without our being told..? As I said, I need to edit this first chapter, and I appreciate you pointing out these things. I'm actually quite picky myself. And as for grammar - well sometimes I break the rules on purpose. Most times, I try not to break the rules, but I know I need to go back and fix a lot of my dialogue and stuff...

Thanks for your kind words and the critique. It's always good to have both!


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Review #23, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: Around A Cradle

27th March 2007:
Oooh, lovely lovely. How did I know that spare room would come in handy? ;) Oh, Charlie. The poor boy. He's been holding back for far too long, I think. *gigglefit*

But yes, in all seriousness. I've yet to mention this in the last few chapters, but I thought I'd tell you I like the pace of this story. It's very quick - important event to important event - and normally I would find this jerky and rushed, but for this fic it seems like it's important to do it that way, and you've done it well. Plus, if you wrote every scene between the big scenes, you'd have an extremely long fic. =) I loved that you put Luna in this chapter and her usual quirkiness. I have a soft spot for her, so I was happy to see her. You wrote her well. Molly and Arthur were also written well. I'll be keeping up with this fic as you add to it, you've got me very curious about where it goes from here. =)

Author's Response: It was obvious the spare room would come in handy that way, wasn't it? lol. Now, you're so right... Charlie, poor boy - but I swear I don't like torturing my character!

Seriously, I'm glad you like the pace of this story and that you know why I don't write everything in between the scenes. It would be really boring for the readers if I did anyway.

You really think I wrote Luna well? Wow! I would never have thought I could do that. *does a happy little dance* I love her too. She's such a good and loyal girl in spite of her quirkiness. It's the first time also that I've been writing Molly and Arthur.

Thanks a lot for the reviews! And I know I haven't written Harry and Ginny that much till now, but they are going to have a few scenes. ;)

Anne


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Review #24, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: New Life

27th March 2007:
Oooho, I did like this chapter very much! =D It was very much my kind of chapter - only one break! Ah, and I'm so excited now, to see what happens next. Well, we KNOW what's going happen next, obviously, but... you know what I mean. =) Charlie is a sly one. I'm glad he and Hermione are going to be closer together. Oh my, oh my!

I remember my one concrit (I'd forgotten any others I may have had in my excitement =P), and that was about Harry and Ginny. Oooh, their characterisation, I've noticed over the last few chapters, is a bit... Hmm. Well, it's just not exactly my favourite. I'm not sure exactly what it is. Every time they pop up, they're kind of in and out, you know? I'd like to see a conversation where they're more talkative and we can see more of them as well.

But this chapter is very exciting and I enjoyed reading it very much. And I love your Charlie in this particular piece. =D

Author's Response: Yes, Charlie is a sly one. hehe. Or maybe he is just a good and loyal brother. I knew as I was writing it that what was going to happen was very obvious. lol.

Harry and Ginny... You will see more of them soon. it's true that at the exception of the scene at the Burrow, I haven't given them a real scene.

I'm glad you likes my Charlie. I'm trying to do my best - we don't know much about him. Again, thanks very much for reviewing. :D


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Review #25, by LaDorkiOvershadowed Heart: Family Ties

27th March 2007:
What I especially liked about this chapter was the clear difference between Charlie and Ron. Not in your physical description, but in the way they acted. Charlie is mature enough for Hermione, I think, whereas Ron was so much easier to argue with. It was subtle, but it was there. =)

I'm surprised at your Molly in the last bit. She knows her baby - her only girl! - is spending the night with boys, and she's just... happy? I understand, Harry and Ginny are in love and all, but from a mother's point of view, that might be a little too much for a girl Ginny's age. That's how I see Molly, anyway. *shrug*

Overall, this is a good chapter. Not quite as intense as the others, but still good. The grammatical errors were prominent; I picked out a fair amount of them. Still, it was enjoyable and I'll definitely keep reading. =D

Author's Response: There is definitely a difference between Ron and Charlie, and I wanted to show that. I'm glad you caught that. :)

Molly. She wouldn't have been happy if she had known that Ginny and Harry had had sex. But as I see Molly - a mother who knows everything about her children, even if they try very hard to hide it from her - she knows they just sleep in the same bed. And when I said "her children", since she considers Harry as her own, somehow, she knows he didn't do anything she would disapprove. So she's quite satisfied with that.

As soon as I have some time, I'll open my grammar book again and try to correct my grammatical errors... Thanks for reading and reviewing.


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