Reading Reviews From Member: long_live_luna_bellatrix
632 Reviews Found

Review #1, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #9

17th October 2015:
Wow, I'm sorry for my abrupt disappearance. Here I am, reviewing your last chapter and saying that I really look forward to reading each new chapter of this and that I can't stop thinking about it and then... I disappear. Truly, it had nothing to do with the story. :P I just got slammed when I went back to school and kind of faded away for awhile. But I'm going to do my best to fade back in now. And the first thing I'm doing on my way back in is returning to Jigsaw!

So anyway, here I am again. I love Roxanne's continuing ambition right at the start of this chapter. That line that she's going to be the one to find the link between the murder and the disappearance was fantastic-- all confidence. I really like this girl!

Small typo, just so you're aware: "The only ones who’ll benefit financially from his death are a number of Muggle charities, and it’s unlikely that they were involved; he has *non* family to speak of."

I like the way this story is beginning to play with the boundaries of the definitions of both journalists and detectives, and keeping an eye on where they overlap. On the one hand, you have the media, a profession often viewed as biased and intrusive. Then you have this image of the detective, who's usually more respected and more intelligent. And here you have Roxanne, technically a journalist but toeing the line of detectives and mystery solving. I don't know how much of that is intentional or just a natural extension of Roxanne's characterization, but it could be a really neat tension for you to play around with more if you're not purposefully doing it already. The references to Roxanne reading mystery novels and enjoying solving them halfway through were what initially caught my eye.

Loved this moment: "I had to resist the urge to point out that Armstrong’s death is an even bigger mystery that still is nowhere near being solved, over a week after his body was found. He had been rather tipsy by that point, after all." Pretty typical, hilarious nerd moment, when the doctor is more excited by the mystery substance than the mystery death. Made me smile.

Hmm... Odd that Fred darts suspiciously into an apothecary moments after Roxanne muses about illegal potions. Coincidence...? Or incriminating...? Guess I'll have to wait and see.

I think you tackled the complexities of the conversation between Roxanne and Daniel really well. At first I was a little surprised that you thought Daniel would be willing to talk casually about the case at all to Roxanne, but you quickly made it clear that there were a couple lines he couldn't legally cross and that he was trying very hard to keep them in place. And you also did a nice job of invoking Roxanne's genuine curiosity in the case rather than some evil journalistic greed to land a scoop. If anything, all of that shows that there is some basic level of trust between the two of them, even if, professionally, they're limited to what they can discuss.

At the same time... Throughout Daniel and Roxanne's conversation, she does a lot of analyzing. Most of it seems to be either analyzing his physical movements or expressions and then interpreting (which shows us how well she knows him) or otherwise she's worrying about and overanalyzing everything either of them does in order to try and see where their relationship stands. I totally get that Roxanne must know Daniel well, and I totally get that anyone in her situation would do the same amount of overthinking and overworrying. But at the same time... As a reader, I began to wish there was a little less analysis, just so that I could try and interpret some of the things on my own. It seemed like every single time either character opened their mouths, Roxanne was thinking about something and we heard about it. I wonder what would happen if, from time to time, you just gave us two to three lines of dialogue without any added inner monologue, and let the reader run with it. Just a thought. And I'm sorry that this semi-contradicts what I just said in the previous paragraph. :P I'd be happy to talk about in more detail if you ever want to, or if I notice it again in later chapters.

That said, the two dramatic endings in quick succession worked really well. The interruption from Paul Jordan was really well done, such a quick change in pace that really got things moving. And then the real chapter ending, well, of course that's exciting too. And I'm thrilled that Richard called Roxanne personally, instead of just waiting for Miranda. Neat!

Anyway, I hope this is the start of a much more regular bout of reading and reviewing, and of more regular time spent on hpff in general. Looking forward to the next chapter. Great job with this one!

 Report Review

Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #8

30th August 2015:
Back for Piece #8! Also, congrats on your latest update, it's always satisfying to be able to post a new chapter. My goal is to be able to get to the point where I can be the one to leave the first review on a new chapter-- we'll see how I do, depending on your writing speed and my reading speed, but there you have it ;)

You continue to do such a nice job with your portrait of the life of a journalist. I'm not a professional journalist or anything, so I can't exactly critique you on that, but I do continue to enjoy the little details you tack onto various parts of Roxanne's job. When you mentioned the reactions of Upton's friends to her digging, I really felt like I understood her predicament. And when you described Roxanne churning out an article even though it had no new information and was pressing a point that she didn't really believe in, I felt like I got a little bit of a look into the way that the media can push things out of proportion.

A pretty minor point-- when Roxanne is talking to her dad about his business, part of the dialogue was oddly repetitive. First, he mentions something about Bonfire Night then jumps to Skiving Snackboxes, but then a moment later, he jumps back to Bonfire Night as if he hadn't already mentioned it. I don't know if that's just something that popped up because you wrote the conversation in more than just one sitting, but as a reader, it feels a little disjointed.

Overall, I think you handled the family scene very well. That moment when George intervened, with the comment about how important family is, was a really poignant one. That said, I am a little confused by Fred's behavior. It seems very... blunt? I guess I'm surprised at how hostile he's being in a family setting. I'd imagine him to be a little more polite, for the family's sake-- for instance, being curt but not silent with Roxanne, and then, maybe when the parents leave the room, that's when he gets super surly and uncooperative. But I'm not exactly an expert on family feuds, and I still enjoyed reading it, so I guess I'm split.

I was SO nervous that Miranda had gotten to start covering Roxanne's story! And even now, as I assume the two disappearances truly are connected, I'm nervous that they're going to be competing for a single slot on a story. I'm also incredibly curious that you brought up blood status again... Either something very nasty is going on with these disappearances, or you're leading us in the wrong direction on purpose. :P

And WHAT is going on with that final scene? Gah, just when I think I'm on top of everything, you pop something else in. My first guess is that it has something to do with how odd Jane has been acting, and that Jane could be the young women in question. But that's pretty much a shot in the dark.

As always, I feel like I only have good things to say about your writing. Reading this story has been part of me slowly involving myself back in hpff after being pretty absent for awhile, and for the moment this is the only story on the site that I'm reading... Earlier today I found myself thinking, Gosh, I really can't wait to go and read the next chapter of Jigsaw! I'm honestly treating it like any physical book I'm reading, with me really looking forward to coming back to continue getting know the characters. So you should definitely know that you're doing something right here.

 Report Review

Review #3, by long_live_luna_bellatrixto the end of time: New Friends

28th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the BvB tag!

I enjoyed the way you opened the chapter. I thought it was amusing how you portrayed the whole Great Hall being really attentive to the Sorting Hat's song, with the first years only feeling half-hearted about it. To me, that really indicated how nervous Parvarti was about the whole thing-- understandably.

You also did a nice job of getting into Parvarti's nerves about her and Padma getting split up. It wasn't something I had considered before-- what it would feel like to be Sorted into a different house than your twin-- but you reminded me of how scary that could be. I would have loved even more detail about Parvarti and Padma during that section; a little more background information on their relationship would have been nice. For instance, are they the kind of sisters who stay up late whispering to each other at night? Or the kind that silently have each other's back? Do they consider themselves extremely similar, or not? That last question in particular could have been handy to explore when Parvarti was wondering how they'd be Sorted. Maybe she assumed they'd be together because they were so similar, or maybe she was freaking out because she knew just how different their personalities were.

However, I can understand if you want to keep the emphasis off Padma given that the story is about Parvarti and Lavender, which brings me to my next point. I also would have loved to see a little bit more of Lavender before the chapter ended, especially if you prefer to not delve too deep into Padma and Parvarti's relationship. How about more details on what Lavender looked like? Or how she was acting? Was she oozing confidence or was she quietly enthusiastic? Did she look at ease or was she still soaking in her new surroundings? I would have been very content to read more about her-- anything you think it's worth knowing. :)

My finally suggestion is a little less specific... When I clicked on your author page, I noticed that this was a short story collection. So I figured I would try and read your most recent chapter, since it has so few reviews compared to the first chapter, and I thought that since this was a short story collection it wouldn't matter. But when I started reading I still felt like I was in the middle of the story. So I came back here. I suppose this isn't really a suggestion so much as an observation... Obviously it totally works to have a short story collection that is meant to be read chronologically. But it might be cool, especially if you'd like more feedback on later chapters, if you revisited some of those chapters and revised them so that they could stand alone more. Like I said, this is totally not a necessity, but it could be something to keep in mind. And maybe I'm the only one who would ever have wanted to read it out of order. But I figured I'd mention it.

Anyway, overall, this was a sweet first chapter. First years are so adorable, especially on their first day of term, and i loved seeing how you envisioned Lavender and Parvarti becoming friends by Lavender comforting Parvarti after the Sorting. You did a great job describing Parvarti's feelings, and also capturing Lavender's warmth. Lovely job!


 Report Review

Review #4, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #7

25th August 2015:
Hi again! I'm back!

First off, I think it was really interesting that you had some Muggles be present at the crime scene. A small thing, I know, but I think I may have already mentioned that I find wizard-Muggle interactions fascinating, and this is just the sort of thing that makes a lot of sense; of course Muggle are going to stumble over wizard crimes from time to time. It was a nice touch.

It's also so cool the way you're weaving all of the Next Gen children into this! I love how Roxanne runs into her cousins wherever she goes-- it's done so much more subtly than the usual "The Potter-Weasleys run around Hogwarts together making mischief" stories. It's really interesting to see all the jobs you've dreamed up for them, and how they seem to get slowly pulled into this case no matter what.

Once again, you've done SUCH a good job portraying all the nuances of Roxanne's emotions. I feel like I get her so much. The way you have her thoughts jumping around when she talks to Dom, the guilt and the desire to solve the case all jumbling around... It's so good!

Yes, Dom thinks like I do! The jealousy scenario seems like a very possible one. Still, Jane's extended absences do seem a little odd.

I'm really curious about how Richard has been doing throughout this chapter. I was so frustrated when Roxanne didn't get the chance to respond to him before Mockridge came out! You're doing such a good job of continuing to bring back the smaller characters, and reinforcing their unique roles in the story. It makes the story that much stronger, having a familiar cast of supporting characters who pop up every now and then to really round out a scene.

Wow, that death ended up being extremely chilling. The "T" on the hand is just... frightening. Really reminiscent of the Dark Mark, even if it's on a victim instead of one of the attackers. Of course we, the readers, have understood for a little while now how dark this mystery really is, but seeing it through Roxanne's eyes makes it that much creepier. So, good job on taking what is almost old information for us and making it feel fresh.

A word on the first sentence of Roxanne's article: "The body that was yesterday discovered, washed up on Coombe Beach, nearby to the Armstrong residence, has now been formally identified as that of Mr Malcolm Peter Armstrong, aged 42 years." The sentence just seemed very... long. Lots of commas and all that. It was good in that it did what the opening line of an article is supposed to do, and introduces all the most relevant details in one go, but I feel like there could be a smoother way of writing that sentence. Something like, "Authorities have identified the body of Malcolm Armstrong, 42, which was discovered last night on a beach near his residence in town X"?

Gah, as if enough hadn't already happened in this chapter, now you bring up ANOTHER disappearance! No way! And this one's so odd as well... Who are Abbott's superiors, and why is she going against their wishes in reporting this? Why is she so upset? How is this connected to Armstrong? Ahhh.

Well, it was another extremely strong chapter, and I'm only getting more and more invested in the story as it continues. Great job!

 Report Review

Review #5, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: A View to a Kill

22nd August 2015:
It’s so interesting to see things from Corbin’s perspective a little… Really humanizes him, especially for me, when I know what things will look like from Scorpius’ perspective in the future. At the same time, he’s still so harsh with Scorpius… and at the same time as that, I know I’d be upset if I were in Corbin’s shoes and I learned that my boyfriend had hooked up with someone else when I was away, especially before we’d talked about being exclusive. Both Albus and Scorpius are trying so hard to have it all, and I’m worried that they’re going to hurt the other people in their lives.

Once again, I really feel for Rose. You did a really nice job of showing her to be acting more mature, what with having the guts to apologize to her parents and also to come up with a compromise. But, with the bit about the cost of the trial business, you also reminded us that she’s still quite young! I find her to be a really appealing character overall, including her mixture of immature and mature.

That’s crazy news about Brandon! Not at all what I’d expected! Well done there ;) And here I’d thought he’d gone off and gotten wounded in a duel or something. I like how James is quick to keep Albus on his toes the moment Albus seems to waver on his commitment to Brandon. And it was also funny when Albus pointed out the lameness of James’ girl-seeking skills.

Once again, another great chapter balancing the multiple storylines here. I’m so curious to learn more about Brandon’s daughter! I imagine it’s incredibly challenging for someone like Brandon, who seems to have it so together, to jump from one life into the next. Then again, it doesn’t matter how together you are or not—having a child fall into your lap would throw anyone for a loop.

I’d love to see how Albus gets along with a little kid. From what James says, it sounds like he’ll be great at it. :D

Anyway, this is the last of the reviews that I was able to do in time for the baby shower. However, I will keep popping back to continue this story! I'm really enjoying it so far and I'd let to get to the end. Hope you've enjoyed the reviews!

 Report Review

Review #6, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: Live and Let Die

22nd August 2015:
Hahaha, when Rose started asking Lily about her love life, instead of the words “no one” I saw, “NOT one,” as in, there were multiple men. And I thought, dang Lily, way to go! But never mind :P. Also, I laughed pretty hard at the line “I just don’t look at them when I’m trying to—”

I’m beginning to think the character I can empathize most with is Rose. (For starters, my love life isn’t nearly as complicated or exciting as Al’s or Scorpius’!) Getting out of school and trying to find a job that means something to you is just about always going to be pretty tough, and I don’t blame Rose for being frustrated. That said, I don’t think comparing herself to Lily is good for her; Rose is the one in the normal situation, and Lily’s just very lucky to have a job she likes that’s on track to get even better.

There’s one typo I found: “This was the first fancy date Albus and he wanted it to go well.” Seems like there’s a word or two missing there.

I thought Albus’ nervousness in a nice restaurant was a nice touch. He comes from a family with at least decent amounts of money, I’d think, if not better than decent, but this showed that he’s still naïve about a lot of things in the adult world. It’s interesting that both Scorpius/Corbin and Albus/Brandon involves a more nervous party and a more mature, sophisticated party. I’ll keep an eye out for more links between the two couples.

But oh no! Brandon never showed! I wonder if it has to do with the case he was talking about last chapter… I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to stand up Albus unless he’s in physical danger somewhere. (I should clarify that I’m writing these reviews for the most part as I read, so you got this reaction before the final scene of the chapter.)

I’m worried about what Corbin’s reaction to Scorpius’ news about Albus will be. But even though I already said that I prefer Al/Brandon to Al/Scorpius, I have to admit I liked seeing them together here. The line about Scorpius feeling more at ease than he had in a long time made me think more about them. And I guess there is something to be said about being in a relationship with someone where there’s 100% comfort. That sort of familiarity with someone else can be really, really nice. So now I’m conflicted! Ahh…

I loved the comment about Lily walking past Albus with a massive platter of food. Nice touch!

But Brandon… Noo… I really hope he’s ok! Can’t wait to find out.

(Love the song Live and Let Die, by the way!)

 Report Review

Review #7, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: In the Waiting Line

22nd August 2015:
Yes! I was right! Rose was going to Scorpius’! The conversation they had was so interesting, so many bumps throughout it. It felt like there was a lot going on and there was all these misconceptions they’d had about each other’s past… I felt like I learned a lot about them in that very short period of time.

I loved the comment Arthur made about Muggles making flying cars! I think a lot of people forget what time period they’re dealing with when they’re write Next Gen, and that little mention of something futuristic made me pretty happy. :D Then again, we are getting awfully close to the date of the epilogue now…

I like that as this story develops I’m getting into the storylines of all these different characters. At first I thought it was going to be primarily about Albus, featuring his interactions with Brandon and Scorpius. But I love that I’m not only getting things from Scorpius and Brandon’s perspectives, but that I’m now getting more about Rose too! You’ve done a really great job of weaving them all in and out together, and it’s so interesting to see their stories from their point of view as well as being talked about by others. So much going on!

Why did you choose for Brandon to be related to a canon character, Savage? I can’t remember anything about the original Savage other than the name. Wasn’t he also an Auror? Or no? I recognized the name when you first mentioned it but I’m getting more curious. I’m also curious about this case Brandon is working… I love a good romance (or four, or five, or however many love triangles end up in this story) but I also love to hear about the characters jobs. Scorpius’ in particular, as a potioneer, sounds so cool. And of course Rose’s ongoing job struggle is interesting as well. I really hope to learn more about their careers as this goes forward!

 Report Review

Review #8, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

22nd August 2015:
Here with another baby shower review!

I caught one typo early in the chapter: “We should let this breath before drinking it” should probably use the word “breathe” instead. Incidentally, Scorpius’ comment a moment later about how the wine had probably breathed enough to be drinkable gave me the sense that Corbin could be a bit of a snob. But once again, I might just be getting that vibe because I know how things with Corbin turn out.

Corbin is subtle, though. After their conversation about Albus, Scorpius seemed reassured that it wasn’t a big deal, but I wasn’t. So manipulative on Corbin’s part, to act controlling and then take it back. Leaves Scorpius feeling like everything is okay, but leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I think you’re doing a great job with Corbin overall. Right now he just seems like a slightly arrogant guy who treats Scorpius really well 98% of the time and maybe slips up on the other 2%.

So excited that Albus and Brandon are going on a date! I think it’s much better for Albus to go ahead with that than to get tied down by his past with Scorpius.

Also, I loved Ron’s line toward the end- “Well it’s a dull but… important job” Haha. Hermione is right, Rose isn’t acting like an adult, but Hermione’s not so understanding either. My guess is that Rose ran off to Scorpius, given the comment about how his parents treated him… Which would be interesting, because they also have a history… Guess I’ll have to just wait and see!

Another really nice chapter!

 Report Review

Review #9, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: Such Great Heights

22nd August 2015:
Happy baby shower once again!

Rose’s description of Ron and Hermione fits how I imagine them as parents. I can totally see Hermione thinking that her children are as ambitious and energetic about work as she is, and coming off as overbearing as a result. I can also easily imagine Ron not being great at confronting her about things—but I hope for Rose’s sake that he manages to.

Wow, I can’t believe Scorpius kissed Albus! I mean, I can understand why Albus went in for the kiss, but I was surprised that Scorpius returned it. I suppose they do have a lot of history, but still.

It was so funny listening to Brandon talk to Rose about her job woes… He IS a really good listener! No wonder Albus wanted to be more like him in the last chapter. I was a little surprised at how suddenly their relationship popped up though. I already know how she’s connected to Scorpius, and I deduced from her conversation with Al earlier in the chapter that they get along well and keep each other caught up on their lives. So it only makes sense that she’d at least know who Brandon is… But this seems like they’re friends, or at least acquaintances, outside of their connection to Albus as well. Is that correct? I wasn’t really sure.

I’m really curious about how these relationships begin to evolve… I feel myself rooting for Brandon and Albus over Scorpius and Albus, but at the same time I know where Scorpius’ thing with Corbin is going and I don’t exactly wish that on him. I’m looking forward to getting to know the characters better!

 Report Review

Review #10, by long_live_luna_bellatrixTrue Romance: New Slang

22nd August 2015:
First of all, happy baby shower!!! I hope you enjoy these reviews, as well as the rest of the celebration!

Since I’ve already read Winding Road, I’m afraid I only know too how well how Scorpius’ new relationship is going to go. Poor guy. I’ll be curious to see how it goes though, and how Albus learns what’s happening (assuming he ever learns, which I think he will. I think it would be really interesting to watch for Scorpius’ warning signs and seeing when Albus finally catches them, and then how he approaches the subject).

I thought it was interesting how Albus thought back to Brandon as a template for how to act. It speaks to how much Albus must look up to Brandon, if he thinks he’s worth emulating. Yet another relationship I’m definitely curious to see playing out.

You did a really good job at showing Albus grappling with conflicting emotions. He was upset about Scorpius’ new boyfriend but tried to hold his emotions back in front of James; his stomach “lurched excitedly” when he heard Brandon’s voice, but then when he spoke he sounded awkward and uncomfortable. I definitely got a really interesting picture of Albus’ emotional situation at this point in his life.

I wasn’t expecting that trick at the end with James inviting Brandon to meet them! Interesting! I like what I’ve seen of Brandon so far, but I’d definitely like to get to know him better. Albus has so much going on now, with these two guys who are sort of out of his life but also definitely still a spark for him.

Overall, this was a really enjoyable first chapter. The writing flowed so well, and I feel like I got a good introduction to a lot of characters without it ever feeling rushed or anything. I’m looking forward to seeing how this goes!

 Report Review

Review #11, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #6

17th August 2015:
Haha, the cafe where Jane works is so gross. Like, you nailed that "unappealing" atmosphere right on the head. But it was also kind of funny. Like, who would ever want to spend time in a shop with a deaf, aggressive old woman who serves gray, lukewarm tea? Bleck.

I do feel a little bad for Jane. Roxanne's job situation, while (until recently) kind of dreadful, is at least understandable: as a reporter, you have to pay your dues with the small stories before earning the big ones. But being several years out of school, and splitting your time between working at an awful cafe and cleaning rooms at a bank? That's definitely not what anyone envisions for themselves several years out of school.

You're still doing a fantastic job with the whole Daniel thing. I really feel like I'm in Roxanne's skin when she's dealing with him: the awkwardness, the hesitation, the longing, the uncomfortable collision of the closeness of their past with the current distance between them... all of it feels so real. My first thought when she ran into him and he agreed to talk was, "Wait! If that happened to me, I'd be so flustered because this is spontaneous and I haven't had time to plan out my speech in my head yet!" And then I thought maybe I was getting a little too into it. :P Plus, I'm sure Roxanne has been going over what she wants to say for days.

I was SO happy when he said they could try to be friends. I know Roxanne's heart was a little broken all over again, but I was thrilled. It has to be a step in the right direction, right?

And fantastic job on the end of the chapter. It makes it that much more exciting that this development happened when Daniel and Roxanne were together, and that they're even Apparating to the scene together! Lovely job of bringing us back from Roxanne's personal life toward the main mystery too.

Don't think I'm going to forget about Jane, though... There's clearly something happening and while I don't feel like she'd directly connected to the disappearance, something funky is clearly happening.

Great job, as always!

 Report Review

Review #12, by long_live_luna_bellatrixChai, Pakoras, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Pakoras, and a Friend

13th August 2015:
Wow oh wow. I'm not even that much of a fluff person, but I really, really, really, loved this. Neville and Hannah were just... amazing. You captured all their love with just the right amount of humor and dorkiness, and it worked so well.

I loved so many lines in this story... whether because they were funny or just beautifully written: "she was in London, running the Leaky Cauldron with an efficiency and practicality that would put many an army to shame. It was sort of sexy." “'Hannah.' The sound of rich chocolate and warm familiarity wrapped around Hannah" "If this were a dream, she was pretty certain that he wouldn’t be wearing pyjamas – or anything, really." "I’m going to be married to the sexy Matron, too!” "In some ways, his years as an Auror had prepared him well for all the drama, the teenage angst, the wrangling of semi-dangerous plants, and the definitely-dangerous humans that were part of his job description."

Also, all the talk of food made me hungry. Way to go on that one. My mouth was just watering the whole time Hannah was cooking.

I've wanted to write about Neville and Hannah for awhile now, and I've even considered writing something about Hannah deciding to become the Matron at Hogwarts, but now I don't think I'll ever quite think of the idea again without picturing this story. I loved how they interacted with each other. The dreaming parts were pretty adorable.

One thing that caught my attention was the fact that both of them clearly missed each other very much-- that's what a lot of the story is about, really-- and yet when Hannah mentioned applying to be the Matron, it took a long while (at least, longer than I'd expected) for either of them to mention the fact that if she got the job they'd work in the same place. Maybe Neville is just totally selfless and wouldn't bring that up before Hannah did, but I felt like it would have been nice to at least hear him think about that even if he didn't say it right away.

Anyway, this was just such a lovely story and I'm so glad that I stumbled upon it. It was wonderfully written-- I loved the tidbits about the ultra-prepared house elves too. Well done!

 Report Review

Review #13, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #5

13th August 2015:
Great start to this chapter! I have no idea what the scene means, but I like it all the same. The plot thickens, I guess...

I'm so glad the story about Daniel is finally out! I'm not sure how much longer I could have waited patiently ;) But it all makes sense now. This just goes to show how complicated things can get when you've got handfuls of cousins everywhere with their own baggage, and one drunken mistake just kind reverberates out through the family. Poor Roxanne! Although it does seem fishy, what Daniel was doing, being out late and all. I wonder if I'll ever learn more about that...

And oh no, why is Jane avoiding Roxanne?! That can't be good... I can't see her being jealous of Roxanne's big story, but what else could it be? Not a connection to the story? I don't know. Don't think that one slipped by me, I'll be looking out for answers!

So yeah, basically, I'm just really impressed that you had this 4500+ word chapter that was all kind of back story (minus the opening scene) and yet it was still really interesting the whole time and left me feeling like I couldn't possibly have read it as fast as I did. It was great to simultaneously learn more about Roxanne's past but also to get a look at her relationship with Lucy. I like Lucy-- a lot. Everyone needs some bluntness now and then.

Anyway, I liked this chapter and am looking forward to seeing the mystery progress. I like that you include snippets of the articles that Roxanne is writing; it's a good reminder of how this story began in the first place. Plus it mixes things up a little.

I'll be back again soon to read more! I have to say, I've done review tags on and off for awhile, but I've never R&R-ed a chapter of a story only to go through and know that I'd have to keep reading and reviewing. I guess maybe with review tag I usually stick to people's one shots, but this one caught my eye... Plus your recent one shots seemed to have enough reviews that I thought you'd appreciate them on this story more. Either way, I'm really glad I found this!

 Report Review

Review #14, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #4

12th August 2015:
Another very solid chapter. :) I'll just hop in and go through the thoughts I had on it, because I was kind of noting them down as I read.

This line: "‘Excuse me.’ My voice is smooth, spinning in the air like sugar." Once again, for all her nerves, when Roxanne has to act fast some instinct seems to take over. She evaluated these employees and she tailors her attitude toward what she sees-- smart going on her part! (By the way, if I ever mention Roxanne but use the name "Rose" I apologize in advance, please don't judge me. I don't know how many times I've accidentally written Rose already and had to delete it. I don't know where the habit's from but it appears to be there)

What a cool idea to have a Pensieve at the office of the Prophet! I really like that, it's a great way to get around the note taking thing. I definitely wouldn't have thought of that. It is also a pretty sneaky way to get around people's nerves about being recorded, as you mentioned.

That part with the captive though! That's so intense. You threw it in at just the right time; just when Roxanne uncovers a rival at the Prophet, you show us that this isn't a simple disappearance, and it's much darker than originally thought as well. Crazy. It's interesting that this is the exact sort of dark thing that Roxanne has never encountered but that was classic Voldemort stuff back in the day. (Another apology: I feel like my tense switching is all over the place in these reviews, so sorry about that...)

It's really funny how George treats his new employee behind the counter. It's also another example of how I feel immediately connected to every character I meet, and this seems like such a George thing to do as well. It's nice to see him both as lovely dad but also as nefarious as ever. This is a grown up George that I like.

There was one typo i saw, when Roxanne mentioned Knockturn Alley to her dad: "recently they’ve tried to distant themselves from it" instead of "distance."

I loved pretty much all the tidbits about Roxanne's parents, whether it was the note about the coffee drinking habits of her mother (what a clever thing to include, it never even occurred to me that the Weasleys are tea drinkers) or the last line of the chapter itself.

Once again, great, great job!

 Report Review

Review #15, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #3

12th August 2015:
Hi again!

I think what I'm enjoying most about this story so far is the characters. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the plot and how it's progressing too, but it's the characters that really have me at the moment. You've done such a wonderful job with Rose, I already care so much for her and can empathize with her challenges. I'll come back to talking about her later. But I also love the cast of characters that's slowly coming into view around her. Whether I'm getting mad at Miranda on Rose's behalf or falling a little in love with Andy for looking out for her, or just watching what's happening with Obediah and Amanda, everyone feels so real and so fascinating. Love it. (In particular, I was so, so satisfied watching Miranda get put in her place)

I noticed that you opened up the chapter with a headline: "Businessman Missing". I wonder, is there a reason you stuck with such a succinct headline? Given that it's a front page story, it should have enough space on a newspaper page to earn a longer headline, and a snappy headline would make the beginning of the chapter just that much more interesting.

One of my favorite lines of the chapter was this one: "I realise that now, it’s not even the chance of promotion that is driving me forward – it’s the story itself. There’s a chance that I might find out what happened to Malcolm Armstrong before anyone else, and I want to – have to – solve this mystery." It spoke so much about what this case will become to Rose. I loved learning about this new motivation of hers because it makes her even more genuine than before. Maybe it also betrays a little bit of how fresh a reporter she is; I'd imagine that with reporting, maybe like with medicine, after a while you can't personally invest yourself in every single story you get because it becomes exhausting and counterproductive. But I love it all the same.

This was another interesting moment: "At the sound of my voice, Lily’s brown eyes seem to instinctively find mind, however much she’s trying to pretend that I don’t exist. When I see how wide they are, I know that I’ve hit the mark." For me, it demonstrated that Rose might have a natural instinct for reporting. If she got to the heart of the matter in one question, imagine what she'll do in the future... Plus, it was neat that she mentioned that even for her question last chapter, the fact that Mockridge refused to answer it indicated that it was an important question. Yay Rose!

Finally, I think you're really skillfully weaving Rose's personal struggles into the main story about the disappearance. Between the appearance of Lucy and the ending of the chapter (what an ending!) I'm still so curious! Not to mention all the Daniel stuff, of course.

Great job!!!

 Report Review

Review #16, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #2

9th August 2015:
Exciting second chapter! I was immediately drawn into it. I can't say I have any great guesses about the nature of the disappearance, or where the mystery will lead, but I'm enjoying it quite a bit.

You did a really great job with Roxanne in this chapter. I was totally immersed in her character. When Roxanne asked her question and Mockridge refused to answer it, you captured Roxanne's ensuing embarrassment SO WELL. I know this was a tiny moment in the chapter, but I had been hoping Roxanne would ask a question, and I was so proud of her when she did. And when she was ashamed that she got nothing out of Mockridge, well, I really felt for her. This is something that I feel like I've gone through so many times, that everyone goes through: being new to a situation, trying to put oneself out there, just a little, and getting shut down. The worst part is feeling like you've failed-- in reality, no one else really notices because it wasn't that big a deal, but you feel like everyone is judging you. You showed all of that in just a couple sentences. For me, it just captures the essence of Roxanne's mindset for the chapter.

And then, more about Daniel... I'm glad you tossed him in there too, right after mentioning it in the first chapter. So that people like me who sometimes read too fast won't forget about him. :P That whole scene with him was well done, and we still know so little about what happened with him...! I'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

I was also interested by Roxanne's attitude toward Richard... The first time he's introduced, it feels like just that, an introduction. But then Roxanne takes the time to notice how seriously he takes his work... Potential romance? Potentially important character? I'll keep an eye out for him...

Overall, this was a great chapter, and I had a good time reading it. I'm looking forward to seeing Roxanne develop as a reporter and as a person.

 Report Review

Review #17, by long_live_luna_bellatrixJigsaw: Piece #1

8th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm really glad I clicked on this story. It's evident that this is a carefully written first chapter, plenty of attention to detail, so I can only assume that the rest of the story is like that as well. I feel like I have a good introduction to Roxanne through her situation at work, but I'm also intrigued by the other things you hinted at, like the tension with her family and this man Daniel.

Loved the way you ended the chapter with our first real taste of drama (well, scratch that, second: the first couple paragraphs were certainly dramatic). A long way from exploding teapots! In general, I think the way you set up the whole chapter was well done. Sandwiching the slower, more introductory parts between bits of excitement, and throwing in those hints at family turmoil along the way too. The only part I can't quite account for is the long conversation with Violet Toots (I find the name amusing, I hate to admit it-- I promise I'm not a ten year old boy! Is the surname from canon? I couldn't tell, the way you referenced Violet's father implied that it could be). I wonder if Miranda's disappearance has something to do with Roxanne's first story...

It was also interesting that you've thrown some magical phones into the mix. How did you come to that decision? Are the phones going to come into play more farther in the story? Or was it simply that you (like me) can't understand why wizards have all the magic in the worlds at their disposal and the closest thing they have to instantaneous communication is sending talking Patronuses to each other? (I also enjoyed the wizards' distrust of Roxanne's phone in the bar. That I can totally see happening when wizards integrate Muggle technology into their world)

Overall, the writing was extremely tight, and I definitely enjoyed myself. Curious to see where this goes!

 Report Review

Review #18, by long_live_luna_bellatrixWinding Road: Finding Home

8th August 2015:
Hi, I'm stopping by for the BvB review fest. When I scrolled through the thread I clicked on Ravenclaw authors' names that others had mentioned reviewing, and when I came across your penname, I realized that I didn't know if I'd ever read any of your stories. So here I am. :)

I know nothing of the larger universe in which this story is set, but I can let you know that it read quite well as a stand alone story. It even made me curious to read more of what you've done with these characters. Scorpius came across as really well developed, and there were hints of deeper stories with Albus and Brandon that were interesting too. As you mentioned in your A/N, this is just a single moment in Scorpius' recovery. And for a single moment, it was quite powerful. I felt privy to Scorpius' confusion, to his determination to get better to take his Healer's advice while simultaneously struggling to control his continuing fear. It was also interesting to see the different roles of the people around him; he was cautious but truthful with his parents, more open with his friends but by no means "cured" when he was with him.

This might sound ridiculous, but I appreciated the simple fact of Scorpius being able to cry throughout the story. Crying seems to be such a taboo thing for men, in private or in public, and you acknowledged Scorpius doing both. It was refreshing to have the tough guy stereotype brushed away, and, in fact, to have no reference at all to Scorpius feeling like he had to "man up." It added to the power of the story's statement about the long, hard road to recovery.

There's really nothing more I can think of that your story needs. The writing was beautiful; I see so much in-your-face elaborate writing on this site, a lot unnecessary vocab, etc., and here I loved that I got all the details I needed to picture the scene without drowning in dense prose. Not that dense prose is always a bad thing, but, well, I guess I'm just to say that I enjoyed it ;) The only thing that caught me up was that at first I thought that Corbin appeared too fast-- but then I looked everything back over again and acknowledged that I was probably just reading too fast. You did set it up with Scorpius mistakenly seeing him once, after all.

Anyway, really great job with this, and I'll try to come back again and dip my toes into some of your other stories!

 Report Review

Review #19, by long_live_luna_bellatrixFor the dancing and the dreaming: For the dancing and the dreaming

8th August 2015:
Hi there. I'm stopping by for the BvB review fest, and I'm really glad I stumbled upon this.

It seems like this point in time is one we don't see that often for the Weasleys; it's post Arthur and Molly falling in love and getting married, but before they have a gaggle of children getting underfoot. And when I realized that this was going to about them moving into the Burrow, I couldn't help but smile-- what a great idea! And Arthur's disparaging line about the little house being a "burrow" was perfect, well done with that.

I think you did a good handling Arthur and Molly as young, new parents. You captured that balance between worrying about making ends meet but also trusting that love will get one through hard times. I can easily picture Molly and Arthur balancing those two things time and time again in the early stages of their marriage-- and probably beyond.

You also included a nice amount of small details to add to the story. The remarks about the toaster and the decreasing patronage of Molly's pub brought everything to life. Normally I'd suggest that this story could use even more of those details, to expand our knowledge of the universe in which the story is set even more; maybe more details about Bill as a child, a hint into if Molly and Arthur are yet thinking of another baby, etc., but I do believe that this works quite well just the way it is. It's a sweet, touching story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done!

 Report Review

Review #20, by long_live_luna_bellatrixGloria: Gloria

22nd June 2015:
I once had a discussion with someone about the concept of the perfect reader; the concept of every piece of writing having one perfectly sympathetic listener, who was made for the story as much as the story was made for him or her. I have to warn you that I am not this story's perfect reader. I'm not well versed enough in Homer, or in anything else you referenced, to appreciate this story fully; having been very quiet in the world of hpff and Harry Potter in general for awhile now, even my Albus and Gellert history is a bit rusty. But I'm doing my best, because I do believe this is a story worth appreciating.

When I saw the length of this I blinked, and then dove right in. And I think the length is ultimately quite fitting; if anything, it allowed me to sink deeper and deeper into the story as it went along, so that by the end, I was fully entrenched in it. The writing was beautiful, but it required a lot of attention (I know I'd like to go back and read this again). And requiring my full attention, if anything, just indicates to me how much thought and effort clearly went into this. Every word seemed to fit perfectly (one exception: there was a moment when you described water falling out of Gellert's hair as a miniature rain shower, and I felt that that might not have been the strongest image in the story). Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that this is a story intended for close reading, not skimming, and the length allowed me to sink into that close reading, if that makes sense. And I truly enjoyed it.

I think the second person perspective really worked for this. Sometimes, when people use it, it seems almost random, but here I felt that it truly added to the story. Combined with the breaking up of the story into sections, and separating the sections with Gellert's voice in italics, it really told the story in an engaging way.

The line that really stopped me was this one, I loved it to pieces: "It is then that you learn that though the rest of the tree might be rotten, the fruit sour and the flowers fading, love is always pure." Of course the entire story is filled to the brim with beautiful imagery and lovely wording, but this felt like a powerful sentence. I think it also could almost sum up a good deal of the story itself. Power, glory, murder, they all mingled in ways wonderful and terrible, but the love itself isn't something we should condemn. That's something I got out of it, anyway.

Another thing I loved was how you portrayed Albus in this, as something far different from the wise, perfect old man we know from the books. I think you really got at his deeper character, and some deep questions in general, with this talk of glory. Got me thinking.

Overall, this was a beautiful story, and like I said I will probably reread it just to try and soak up more of it-- especially in the beginning when I hadn't settled in yet. Very well done! It's clear that this was carefully thought through, and carefully written, and that care all paid off in a big way.


 Report Review

Review #21, by long_live_luna_bellatrixNot entirely true: Truth Is Out

20th March 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the Blue v. Bronze review battle.

I'm always curious when it comes to stories about wizards explaining their life to Muggles, as it must be such a difficult and delicate process. So already, I'm intrigued by your story. I think it's adorable that Josh and Maddie have remained friends for so long, and that now that he's an adult, he wants to share his world with her. I was a little surprised that he got permission from the Minister for her to come to the World Cup; I thought the secrecy laws of the wizarding world were stricter than that, and that Josh maybe shouldn't be telling Maddie anything about magic at all. But at the same time, I'm happy to go along with it for the sake of the story.

I'm curious as to why you decided that Maddie would be five years older than Josh. It makes for a slightly more interesting relationship, I suppose, but I'm still wondering if there's another reason. At first I was skeptical; a ten-year-old befriending a five-year-old? But your description actually makes a lot of sense: there are definitely people out there who naturally find themselves drawn to those who are weaker than them. I hope we continue to see that side of Maddie throughout the story. I'm not sure if she would have been aware of that part of herself at such a young age; I'd imagine it to be more of an unconscious thing. That was the one place I was a little skeptical.

I have to say, I'm in awe of you for writing in a language that's not your natural one. Do you mind me asking what your first language is? Purely out of curiosity. I'm majorly in awe of you. This story reads quite well, you did a great job.

Overall, a good start to a story!


 Report Review

Review #22, by long_live_luna_bellatrixStand Tall: Hands Touch

19th March 2015:
First off, I am a huge fan of your chapter titles! I love Wicked, and I've always thought "I'm Not That Girl" was an incredibly moving song. It sounds like it is appropriate for your story, too, so kudos.

I had to read this story when I saw the summary. I was very recently introduced to someone with cerebral palsy, who is also involved in a sort of movement called "disability poetics." So disabilities in literature, especially concerning cerebral palsy, has been on mind for a few weeks. What was your inspiration for this story, and for Alba herself? I like what you've done with it so far. Alba seems believable, and while her disability is quite present, it doesn't seem to consume her or be the only part of her identity that matters. That said, I would definitely like to see even more non-cerebral-palsy-related parts of her personality and her life shine through in later chapters.

The writing was really solid here, it all felt very smooth and was quite engaging. You had just the right mix of summarizing and including the right details. James was amusing; I love his friendship with Alba. I want to punch his girlfriend, though. How can he let her treat Alba like that?! I was actually a little shocked by her reaction to Alba, since I feel like teenage girls' brand of meanness is a little more passive-aggressive than that.

There were perhaps three or four typos scattered throughout the chapter, but nothing major. "He always insisted that with his father being the youngest Seeker in the past centure," for instance: I'm guessing you meant "century"? If you'd like to read it through one more time with a sharp eye, I'm sure you could square all of those away.

Also, there was one line that came off as a little awkward to me: "Long mahogany hair that curled slightly, vivaciously curved, Keeper of the Gryffindor Quidditch team." The way it's currently worded, it sounds like "vivaciously curved" is describing her hair, not her figure. Maybe there's a way to tweak things around there?

I'm intrigued by this Triwizard Tournament coming up. More kudos to you, because I'd be way too scared to try and invent three original, creative, mind-blowing tasks from scratch. I feel like Alba won't enter it, but then again, I'm not positive about that. I'd be interested to see where you take this. Overall, it was an interesting first chapter, and you have some strong characters in the making. Well done!


Author's Response: Haha! I love that too, and I kinda always identified as the 'not pretty one' when I was in grade school, so I like it too. +]

Well, my familiarity with CP comes from my cousin, who is very many things other than the disease, for sure. She's had a lot of dreams and done a lot of things people never imagined she would, and she never looked back. It took her a long time to even realize there was something different about her than other girls, and I guess admire her for that. While Alba is much different than my cousin, I would definitely say that's where the character's strength comes from. +] The whole "disability poetics" thing sounds great!

I got a beta! So hopefully I'll get all those little things squared away, and avoid them entirely in the chapters to come.

I have spent many a night laboring the hows and whys and whos of the Triwizard Tournament, and I'm still not sure if I can do it. Haha!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! Hopefully you'll have the time to stop by again and see how things go.

 Report Review

Review #23, by long_live_luna_bellatrixSo Easy To Love: Chapter 2

19th March 2015:
Hi, I'm here again, reviewing for the HPFF fundraiser.

I really like the direction you're taking this in. I was not expecting this scene in the orphanage at all, and I love being surprised in fan fiction. Too often the same old story lines are recycled. But you're clearly doing something completely new. I love how Harry and Ginny teamed up to help the kids in the orphanage, and how it even managed to bring them closer together. I really feel for them.

I'm hoping to see more of Sirius and Remus, just because I'm not used to seeing them around after Harry's teen years, and I'm sure their relationship with him is great.

Also, I'm interested to see the direction Harry and Ginny's relationship takes. I know the story is titled "So Easy to Love", but all stories need conflict, right? You've demonstrated here that the conflict can come from outside of the relationship, but it seems almost too simple to think that Harry and Ginny will get together without a hitch. After all, she has a fiery Weasley temper, and he's got a temper to match! Then again, maybe you'll prove me wrong. ;)

I like where you've taken this quite a bit!


Author's Response: Hi sorry I haven't responded before now, I don't post on this site much. I hope all your questions were answered by the end of the story.

 Report Review

Review #24, by long_live_luna_bellatrixA Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

19th March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the HPFF fundraiser.

This was an amusing start to a story. I like Hugo's voice, and how he interacts with his cousins. It seems pretty realistic to me. Also, Arthur insisting on a Muggle-style vacation?! Priceless. I can only assume hilarity will ensue.

A few technical things: "Weasley's" shouldn't have an apostrophe; it can just be "Weasleys." Also, why does James refer to Rose and Dom as his nieces? Aren't they his cousins? There are also a couple typos here and there, mainly letters missing from words. I'd suggest giving it a hard read-through, just to look out for those.

I love the fact that all the random family friends are getting dragged along (but wait, what about Teddy?). And it's neat that you made up a third Scamander child, I think that's a nice touch. And possible the source of some romance to come?

All in all, a nice first chapter. Good luck with this story!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, I love to improve myself!

I do not doubt that I indeed made several typo's and I apologize for that. English is not my first language and though I consider myself pretty decent at it, typo's were inevitable for me in my writing. However, I will use your advice and edit the spelling mistakes you mentioned!

Thanks again for your review, and I encourage you to read the rest of the chapters if you haven't already! It's your choice, but I'd love to hear what you think about the other chapters in a review :) But thanks regardless.

P.S. Teddy came along with the Weasleys actually, and he plays a big part in this story :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by long_live_luna_bellatrixSo Easy To Love: So Easy To Love

18th March 2015:
Hi, I'm stopping by to review for the HPFF fundraiser.

This story definitely intrigued me from the start; at first I thought to myself all right, Harry and Ginny both end up in this bar, maybe they reconnect after having not seen each other in awhile, and fall in love. But all the differences from the books caught my attention, in a good way. Why did Harry not go to Hogwarts? And if he really didn't, how did he still save the world? How is Sirius still alive? I had all these questions, and I actually checked to see if this was a sequel to something, and I had missed a long backstory. But it appears I haven't. I hope everything is explained in later chapters!

Overall, it was well written. Harry and Ginny's interactions were believable, and I liked how the Harpies were all partiers, except Ginny. It's so interesting to think that even if Harry and Ginny hadn't met at Hogwarts, that they still would have fallen in love.

The mentions of Tonks and Lee Jordan were well done, as well. All in all, after reading this first chapter, I am most interested to hear about the story that came before it, and little less interested in the story of Ginny and Harry. I think that's just a result of having all these new things, and Harry and Ginny become almost old news. But keep it up! I'll try and check back for the later chapters if I have a moment.


Author's Response: So sorry this has taken me long to respond to, i hope your questions were answered to your satisfaction, and that you enjoyed the rest of the story xx

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>