Aw, adorable! I definitely enjoyed it. The only issue I could find was your punctuation during your dialogue at the beginning and some grammatical issues.
'And I remember you taking 45 minutes to kiss me good night back at the beginning of fourth year.' Hermione told him with her head against his chest staring into the fire.
'And I remember you taking 45 minutes to kiss me good night back at the beginning of fourth year,' Hermione told him with her head against his chest as she stared into the fire.
When you say "head against his chest staring into the fire" it sound like Harry's chest is staring at the fire. LOL. It's just a case of modifying the incorrect noun. ^_^
But you seemed to have fixed that up later on.
A really, really cute and lovely piece. :-)Author's Response: Thanks for the review, it really made my day. Thanks for the advice too. I'll have to fix that up when I have more time. Thanks for reading! Report Review
This story feels very familiar, but it was well written. I'll wait to see what happens next.Author's Response: Really? For where?
I don't know if i want to continue it but thanks! Report Review
I really like it so far! I only have two complaints. One: sometimes your grammatical errors get in the way of understanding the story. When you wrote, "She said, as she pointed above where Harry and the mystery girl were standing," it reads as if there are TWO girls there. Maybe change it to, "she said, pointing towards the plant that was hanging over their heads" or something like that. Two: Hermione has brown eyes and brown hair. I know, it's not that big of a deal, but I am VERY picky about this sort of thing. Her hair's bushy, not curly... Remember, Hermione's pretty enough, but she's not drop dead attractive. ^_-
Aside from those small things (and even though I wrote a lot about them, they are definitely small) I really like it. The fluff left a cozy, warm feeling. :-)Author's Response: God, this sounds so cheesy, and really weird, considering i don't know you: I'm SO SO SO SO glad you like my fic:D. it means alot to me, since you're one of my favorite authors on the site. Well. You are my favorite author. Thanks for pointing that out! I never reeally noticed it, but now you mention it, yea your right. I know Hermione is bushy, but sometimes Rowling desricbes it as curly ( as she gets older her bushyness becomes curls.) But thats so much. I really apreciate it. Report Review
As a huge OC fan this really attracted me. I've really enjoyed it so far. The only thing I would suggest is write some of your own dialogue (I've seen the pilot so many times that I know this is word for word from the show) and don't change the characters so that they're exactly like their OC counterparts. They can still have a lot of their canon traits and still have the story work. For example, I'm assuming from your ship listings that Luna will represent Summer. The two are exact opposites. However, I still feel that if you keep Luna in character it could still work (like she just doesn't notice him because she really doesn't notice ANYTHING unless it's out of the ordinary, which would explain why she's originally attracted to Harry [if you're going exactly by the show]).
I look forward to updates, though!
(By the way, just out of curiosity...are you going to kill of Hermione?)Author's Response: thanks for the tips!!!! ill keep them in mind!!!! :) Report Review
I love it so far! Absolutely perfect. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I'm definitely adding this to my favorites. And it wasn't slow at all. You took your time, but that's what good authors do.Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'll be updating soon.
Your username is very familiar. Have we met before? Report Review
You have a good story so far, but it needs a bit of cleaning up. Do you have a beta? If not, you should get one. You have a lot of grammatical errors and some of your sentences are very awkward. Your writing, however, is definitely interesting, and it's clear that you know what you're doing. You just need to fine tune it.Author's Response: well hopefully my second chapter will be better it just got validated so you can read it and tell me what you think as for the beta i will definetly look into that thanks Report Review
This was really good, especially for your first venture into angst! You had a few grammatical/spelling errors (I noticed that you unnecessarily capitalized words here and there), but other than that, nothing else. If anything, I would've liked to hear how Pettigrew felt about James, since they had been friends since first year (at least that's what we assume).
A very wonderful job.Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I wanted to do something different since all my stories are "happy! happy! joy!" all the time. It gets too predictable. I'll go back and check that! It's funny, because I catch errors in other people's stories very well, but mine... Ah well.
You will here about that and more soon, because I'm adding a couple things in. Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it. ^_^
Sophie Report Review
Wow. I must admit I was completely shocked. I never thought you'd kill Harry, at least not in this fic. It was rather surprising, because, like Hermione, the last time we "saw" Harry he was fine (as far as we could tell). The ending did feel a bit abrupt, but I liked it all the same, although I can't deny that I wasn't fond of R/Hr (I can't help it...I'm a fervent H/Hr shipper and I tend to avoid R/Hr and H/G fics by any means possible). Nonetheless, it was wonderfully written. Remind me to catch up on "Without You." I haven't had time to read it (I'm really bad at keeping up with fics I'm reading). Great job! :-)Author's Response: HC... oi dear. So my heart was thudding quickly when I saw your name on the last review because, well, I knew what was coming.. And I know your ship persuasion.
Ah dear, sorry it wasn't what you were expecting!
I love Harry so much, I can't believe what I did, either! Surprising, it was meant to be... And I was afraid the ending would feel abrupt, but it was meant to end here... Glad you liked it, even though it was R/Hr. I know your ship, and I know what you were hoping for. I wanted to badly to give you that, but, well, that wasn't the story! *sigh*
My other stories are better reads for you, I'm guessing, LoL. (o:
Thanks for the review, HC. And here's your reminder to catch up on Without You! LoL, maybe I should come drop you a note, lol. Thanks again, even though this was, well, I'm sure not what you wre hping for... (o: Report Review
Aw, I loved this chapter! Usually I hate a "redeemed" Draco (or Draco who's nice to any of the Weasleys/Hermione/Harry in any way whatsoever), but you pull it off very well. I'm really anxious to see H/Hr work out, but seeing as I usually torment my readers and don't get them together until the end (usually), I won't urge you to do anything quicker (anyway, it's your story - I'm sure you already have it planned out. You don't need readers telling you what to do).
ANYWAY, just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this, and I will be patiently awaiting the next chapter. 10/10!Author's Response: I know what you mean about Draco. I usually like him better when he's being pretty bad. That's why he goes back and forth in this story so much. As for H/Hr, I usually hate that pairing. But I'm writing this as a challenge to myself to try something different. As for how long it will stay H/Hr, we'll see....hehehe. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Another delightful chapter. Every sentence you write astounds me. I just hope you don't kill off Ron. If you do, I think I'll have to come to the conclusion that you're rather fond of doing so. *Laughs* Now, is it Harry or Ron who has his hands around our favorite heroine (yes, you hear that Rowling? Heroine!)?
I'm waiting anxiously for your update! (Though take that with a grain of salt, because God knows I take months do update.) :-)Author's Response: HC! Haha! You've come 'round my dearest! Wow! Well, I hardly think every sentence could astound you, but I appreciate your kindness.
Haha, I like how you're suspicious about my fondness of killing off dear old Ron. I swear I'm not a Ron-hater!! (o:
Teehee, who has their hands around our favorite heroine? Great question, there. And great side comment to JKR. (o;
Update will come soon. I try to be decently quick, or at least scheduled. I'm still waiting on The List updates though! Hehe. (o; PS: Chapter 3 of Inimical has the scene I wrote that reminded me of your ice skating scene. Crazy eh?
Thanks, dearie! Report Review
I'm so sorry that you had to through all of that since you updated! I hope every thing's going well now and life improves greatly.
Anyway, it only matters if you take a long time to update (in my opinion) if the chapter isn't good, and your chapter is anything but. Great job! This is definitely one of my favorite stories. :-) 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much. I had some difficult times, and right now I don't even have the internet...I have to borrow it. But I'm dedicated to my projects once again and I hope I'm able to continue to satisfy. I'm glad you stuck with me!! Report Review
Let me start off by saying that I'm in love with this story. Completely, one hundred percent in love. It's in most part due to the fact that tour descriptions make me feel as if I'm actually IN the scene (I'm so jealous of your ability to write descriptions!). Throughout this entire chapter I found myself smiling as Harry and Hermione interacted, and that scene where Harry described to Hermione how she looked and where Hermione "saw" Harry was one of the best written moments in any fanfiction I've ever read.
I'm so sorry for not reviewing before this. I just couldn't bring myself to break the world that you'd woven in order to review, which was rather selfish of me.
Amazing, amazing job. I'm adding it to my favorites, and I can't wait for the next update! :-)
10/10Author's Response: Hermione_Crookshanks!!!!!!!! *dances like mad* Hehe! You're right, what you said about having reviewed Without You once.. (o: But it's so fun to get reviews from you...! *beams*
In love with the story? Wow, I didn't think anyone would really like a story like this, honestly.... I'm amazed. My descriptions make you feel like you're in the scene? No way!! I think I need a lot more work on them!!
Hehe, glad you were smiling about Harry and Hermione's interaction. I was smiling when I wrote it. *contented sigh* One of the best written moments in fanfic you've ever read? No way, impossible my darling! Can not be true! But thanks for saying it. I did enjoy writing it...
No worries about not reviewing before. I know I've neglected to read some of your stories though I keep looking at them and thinking about it... I know I'll like them, so I'm not sure what my hesitation is... So I understand if you don't come 'round to read, but I was thoroughly overjoyed to see your name among the reviews!!
Thanks for the 10/10! I'm working on the next update. Soon, I promise! (o: Report Review
I really enjoyed it! You should, however, look out for grammatical and spelling errors. Sometimes it's hard to catch them on your own, so I suggest a beta.
Keep up the good work, though! :-)Author's Response: tnx for the review.. I know but I have no time because I'm still busy with school work.. tnx again.. Report Review
Other than a few grammatical errors and repetition, I thought it was very sweet. I enjoyed it very much. :-)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, I know you're busy. Thanks for enjoying the story. Report Review
Aw. It didn't ruin at all. Yay. This was just as beautiful as the first version, but in a different way.
I loved every minute of it. 10/10 for gorgeous writing. :-)Author's Response: Hello once more!
I'm glad you liked this ending as well. Of course I perfer the first ending as opposed to this one, but that's me. :)
Of course thank you again so very much H_C for coming over and reviewing! It's so very wonderful to hear your thoughts on my stories. I very much look forward to hearing from you again, if you decide to continue reading! Report Review
Misunderstandings are awful, aren't they?
Well, I don't know if I want to read the second version...this one was simply so beautiful. I don't know why, but sometimes I prefer sad endings.
And hey! When you suggested that I read this, you didn't tell me that there was a sequel. Sheesh. Tricking me into reading TWO fics. LOL. Just kidding. I'm glad that there's a sequel. I'll read it right after version two.
Great work! :-)Author's Response: Reading this all in one day eh? :) Well, it isn't too long, so I can imagine it's doable.
Misunderstandings are a harsh reality to some. Believe me, I've had more than my fair share of them, which have lead to many troubles.
I'm glad of course you enjoyed this ending. This was the original, but for a variety of reasons, I wrote a second one. I like the sad endings sometimes too.
And no, I didn't suggest this 'cause it has a sequel! :P No, I picked this one 'cause I think I did a good job on it. Of course if you decide to read the sequel, I'll be extremely happy! :)
Thanks again H_C! On to your last review! Report Review
By the end of this chapter I was close to tears. It's hard to convince me that a male could cry (probably because I've only seen my own father cry once, and that was when his father died, so I'm not used to it), but somehow or another you made it absolutely believable. Once more you have amazing descriptions.
I did find one mistake (I know, for someone whose stories are filled with errors, I can be quite annoying about this). It wasin this sentence. She was wearing a simple white t-shirt, and blue cotton pajama pants, which in it’s simplicity, made the rest of her form look all the more beautiful. The "it's" should be "its," for reasons I'm sure you are aware.
ANYWAY, besides that mistake that I only found because I really should be diagnosed with OCD, it was absolutely amazing, as usual. On to the next chapter! :-)Author's Response: Hello again H_C!
Tears? Oh my, well, there we go I guess. I know the idea of guys crying is sometimes hard to visualize, but with enough internal torment, believe me, guys can cry. I think with how everything just seemed to be working against Harry, he needed some way to express it all.
Sorry about the spelling error. You'll find with some of my stories, there are spelling or grammar errors. I just get that some time.
But, of course, I'm glad you liked the story, and the descriptions again. :) It's great hearing your thoughts on this. :) Report Review
Absolute amazing chapter. Not one piece of dialogue (unless you count Harry's thoughts, but I don't), yet I was enthralled the entire time. You have a way with words that I truly envy. If I could write descriptions as well (or nearly a quarter as well) as you do...god, I'd be in heaven.
On to the next chapter! Author's Response: Hermione_Crookshanks! H_C! It's so wonderful to see you here again! You know, I never realized how young you are! I saw your A/N for chapter 6, and man, you write so well for a 15/16yr old! :) Believe me, I am the envious one when it comes to writing!
You are right here, there isn't any dialogue in the entire chapter. I thought it would be an interesting touch to have only Harry and his thoughts here.
I'm glad of course you like the descriptions here. This story was my description-working story, so it's great to hear you liked that aspect.
Of course you do such a wonderful job with your characterizations, so believe me, the descriptions are just dandy.
Thanks again H_C! On to the next! Report Review
That was very sweet. I loved your descriptions - they made me feel as if I was right there, in the moment. My only complaint is that you had a comma missing here and there in the dialogue, but other than that, you had next to no grammatical errors. This was the type of fic that definitely makes you feel warm and cozy after reading it. Great job! :-)Author's Response: Hermione_Crookshanks!
I'm honoured, I truely am! Thank you right from the get-go for coming here and reviewing! You're such a captivating author (especially for someone so young), so it's wonderful to see you here!
I'm glad you enjoyed the story of course. It's great to hear you liked some of the descriptions here and there. As to grammatical errors, I am terribly sorry about those. I do need a beta to go through my things, and I do have one lined up, so it should get fixed in time.
Warm and cozy is a good feeling from this story, so that works well. The idea of lying on the grass like they are I think could be described with those two words, yeah. :)
Thanks again H_C for coming over, really, thank you! I can imagine you have loads of people ask you to read their stories, so it's nice to have your opinion on even one of my stories.
Of course I would absolutely love to see you come back and read some of my other stories, but of course I understand if that's not possible. With the stories and the fanbase you have, it's not surprising if time is precious for you (plus there's school of course). :)
Thanks again Hermione_Crookshanks. I do again hope to hear once again from you. Recommendation would be the short story "Fix You". It's not too long, and I consider it one of my better stories. Report Review
One of the most brilliantly written stories I have ever read in my entire life - both in print and online. You have a way with words that I didn't realize existed. Amazing work! Report Review
I cannot begin to tell you how upset I was when I realized that there was no arrow to click to go on to the next chapter *cries*. I REALLY love this story. Everyone, so far, is in character, and it's just VERY well written. I'm definitely adding this one to my favorites. :-)Author's Response: Your favorites? I'm honored. I'm also glad that you think it's working well. It's sort of beginning to stress me out, trying to keep this story together, as well as enjoying writing it! But reviews help, and I'm glad you took a gander at my story. Hear from you soon? Report Review
It was really good, you just need to polish it up. Some of the dialogue doesn't flow, and you have awkward sentences here and there. Just get a beta, and I'm sure it will be great. ^_^ Great job, overall! :-)Author's Response: Thanks! Any idea where or who could be my beta? Any ideas would be great! Thanks for reviewing even though it's against your poilcy! Report Review
Amazingly well written. As you said in my story, it definitely piqued my interest. I can't wait for the next chapter! *Adds to favorites*Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad it piqued your interest! Chapter 2's in the queue, so just hang on! (o: Report Review
Very well written and very interesting. I think I'm really going to enjoy this fic. I'm so surprised you don't have any reviews. The good stories never get the attention they deserve...
Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'll be waiting (patiently) for the second chapter. :-)Author's Response: Aww, thank you very much. I'm kind of upset as well at the lack of reviews, but it's good to know at least one person out there appreciates it!
p.s. - I'm sorry it takes me so long to update the stories, my extracurricular life has swung itself into full gear and it feels like there is never a spare moment. I should have another chapter up, though, after the weekend! Report Review
I am in love with this fic. Absolutely in love. Not only does it seem that the ships are going my way (...heh), but you possess a great talent for writing. Your style flows and you rarely make a grammatically or any other sort of mechanical mistake, making sure not to detract from your story. Your plot is completely original, and you seem to have the characterizations of all six spot on.
Well done, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :-)Author's Response: Yay, that was the best review I could ask for. Thank you so much for reading. I'm glad that someone else appriciates clean grammar. I hope to have the updates soon. Thanks so much for reading. Report Review
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