Reading Reviews From Member: llyralen
22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by llyralenLe Scorp!: This is the second chapter!

7th November 2011:
*Will be short because I just had to say this and am eager to get back to reading the story*

The whole thing makes me think of a full-feature length Old Spice commercial.


Well done!


The temptation to put Scorpius on a horse is now overwhelming. It might have to happen. It would be the ultimate ending for crackfic to have him ride off into the sunset on a horse, with absolutely no idea where he's going. He would probably get lost before he even left Hogwarts grounds.

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Review #2, by llyralenWe Are All Sinners: Prologue

17th July 2011:
Yay! Steph is back and with a vengeance!

This is brilliant love and a Sirly as well. Engrossing, almost hauntinhg, I just breezed through the entire thing and it has leff me craving for more! It's not even the kiss. It is the need to know what circumstances leed to it

Keep it up loff. I missed you and your poetic writing. Never leave again.

Author's Response: Rita! :D

I was so surprised by this lovely review and it totally made my day. I am so happy you liked this short prologue, and that it's left you wanting more! More is on its way, promise ^_^

Aw, thanks love. Missed you too!

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Review #3, by llyralenThe Lonely Hearts Club: Bad Poetry

19th June 2010:
I love your men.they are soo.MANLY!

Oliver is adorable, as can be expected and so is Roger (definitely different from mine!) I LOVE THE BOTH! But my favorite has to be Theodore. He's such a drama queen. And you know what, I've met guys like him! I used to be a "therapist" for a guy like him. The guy who can't help but mope over every broken relationship. A sneaky breed, them. You don't expect guys like that to exist but they do. They're just good at hiding it :) I think that what makes me love Theo all the more. Because you would never expect him to be one of them!

Brilliant chapter loff. Must be tired of hearing it, but yes. Brilliant!

Author's Response: Bahaha.. they so aren't, but are, y'know ? (it's stupid o'clock.. can you tell?). Totes different from your Roger who I ADORE btw (can't remember if I reviewed xd) but it's oddly fun writing Oliver, even though I was scared to.

YES I am glad you said that about Theo. I think I've discussed this with Jack once or twice: because most of us are girls we tend to overdo the macho element of our characters, when plenty of guys - most of my male friendy - are in fact that emotional, woe is me, type who likes a good wallow.

I NEVER TIRE OF HEARING IT BECAUSE IT ISN'T TRUE but it absolutely means the WORLD to hear YOU say it my dear! Really ridiculously appreciated!

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Review #4, by llyralenSage: Sage

4th June 2010:
Hey there! This is Llyralen from TGS!

Amazing! That was just bordering on poetic Amanda! Actually, no. I change my mind. It was exactly poetic. The whole story has the scent of delicate lilies, the image of floating clouds and the feel of interminable sadness. Yet, there is that spark of hope that makes you feel less bogged down by the gravity of the events. Rather, it makes you think that she's moving on, however slowly, from Regulus's death. And you did it in such brevity and perspective that we feel like we're trapped in a moment with your main character. A moment that doesn't need to be prolonged because you're content with the resolution. Actually, while I was reading, I was thinking it was so intimate that I was an intruder in some thoughts she would have preferred to keep private.

Amazing job! Well written and very evocative!

Author's Response: Hi Llyralen!

Wow! I am so glad to hear that my story evoked such a reaction! Thank you so much for dropping by to review. It means a lot! :)


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Review #5, by llyralenMadam Minister: Sarabande

21st May 2010:
I don't know why and I'll probably be very unpopular for this comment, but I love Farrell more than I do Maxime *ducks from angry Maxime fangirls*. It's true, I don't know if it's because of his passionate nature, or the fact that he's really the martyr in this relationship, but he definitely deserves a lot of love at this point. If he's not getting it from Artemisia, then he's getting it from me :D

As always Lee Anne, this was a fabulous chapter. The skip in time was well done and the reintroduction to what has happened in the elapsed time was handled smoothly. I love the relationship between Artemisia and Farrell mainly because of how complex and flawed it is. How the man for once is the one left pinning (which is rare in this period! I am woman, hear me roar) and especially because in this relationship, you can definitely see a class and academic barrier between the two. A Morganatic relationship at it's best!

Well done hun! Keep at it! I can't wait until Maxime and Farrell meet face to face!

Author's Response: Rita!
Gah! *blushes* You're such a flatterer. I really don't know what to say except thank you. You're such an awesome writer and fanfic partner. ILY!

I can certainly see why you prefer Farrell over Maxime. Farrell is selfless while Maxime is selfish. He wants to be married to Artemisia only when it suits him while Farrell would take her as she is, no matter what. To be honest, I think Farrell is a much better match for Artemisia than Maxime, but Artemisia had to be impulsive and marry the first guy she ran across. *sighs* Oh well, too bad for her. ;)

I'm so glad the jump in time worked well for you. It certainly won't be the last in this story. Artemisia had a relatively long life according to canon and I think I'd be stuck writing this story until I turned seventy if I tried to cover everything. Still, I always struggle with transitions. They make me oh so nervous.

So yes, umm, thank you for the unbelievably fabulous review!!! You're a fanfic goddess. *hugs* Talk to you soon!

Lee Anne

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Review #6, by llyralenCaught in a Web: Chapter 3

21st April 2010:
And by stupid o'clock, Rita finally gets on with her review! Sorry for the wait loff! Been busy, but back and ready for some more. Lot of things introduced her. First time we see Hogwarts from your point of view. First Seb-Molly interaction. First time we finally see Harrison! Lovely! Good times keep on rolling!

- On the matter of Harrison, I feel like he is...well...a guy you could definitely fall in love with. I can definitely see why Molly is so distracted by him. He seems like the perfect guy on paper. Dependable, handsome, intelligent, charming, responsible. Definitely a polar opposite from Seb as we see him from Molly's eyes. On paper, Harrison is the kind of guy that you see a girl like Molly marrying, having kids with, building a life with, etc. But paper is very different from reality and as we see, it is his "good qualities" that is actually getting in between their relationship. He doesn't know when enough is enough (until probably too late) which is a perfect mirror (or even a foreshadowing, in a way) for Molly's character. Just as she isn't able to say enough in this situation with Harrison, so will we (or already have) see/n her with Seb. Fabulous plotting on that!

But honestly, I trust Harrison about as much as I trust Seb at this point. There is something shifty about him.

- Ok, regarding Molly on Harrison. I think most people might think her very weak and kind of the typical meek girlfriend right now, but I think I'm looking at it more as a great chance for her to grow in this whole fic. Feminism aside, it seems to me, even early on, that her lack of backbone here is just the perfect set up for her to grow major backbone in the later chapters. It is not that she cannot handle herself, but rather she cannot handle herself with him. And I like that, because that will make her vindication in the end so much sweeter. A bigger YOU GO GIRL! moment. Again, I'm taking shots in the dark here, but if I am right, then again AMAZING plotting on your part.

- The friendships are very realistically written out. Like I said before, your hold on reality in your writing is wonderful! It's the little things like guessing what houses the kids will go to, worrying about relationship problems...things like that. It's so easily relatable that the reader - despite the initial feeling of disorientation upon encountering a whole new cast of unfamiliar characters - won't find it hard to feel slowly comfortable because they see some elements that resemble reality as they're acquainted with. People who think like them. React like them. Again, very smart writing, because this sort of relatablity is what's missing in a lot of fanfiction nowadays.

- Finally, I appreciated the understated Molly-Seb initial meeting. With the foresight of your prologue, we already know that they're going to be this intense, dangerous, complicated couple. We really didn't need a meeting like that. I think the fact that you didn't sensationalize this first meeting just shows that you are "writing a story" and not pandering to a salivating audience! Yay you! Again, like so many facets of your writing, it is very rare in fanfiction.

Fab job hun! On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: And at even stupider o'clock, Rachel gets to replying. I have no excuse whatsoever other than sheer laziness because glancing at the length always made me think 'I'll get to it later'. I know, I'm a horrible person and I'm so sorry.

Harrison, Harrison, Harrison. He's certainly that kind of guy; the type that you're perfectly comfortable with introducing to your parents (even if Percy's not a fan of him - bright guy that man). I do feel quite sorry for him, actually, since people don't seem to take to him very well, but if this was a story about him and Molly, I'd be writing a terribly dull story.

I definitely wanted to start out putting her on the meek side of things, but she is definitely intended to grow throughout it (with the help of one Mr Becker, without doubt.) The original saw her as a bit of a do-gooder and that may still be coming through in these early chapters and I might need to rectify that. I think her weakness is Harrison and you are right, she will steadily grow and grow and things will start clicking into place in terms of how her happiness is linked to her relationships but that is all I'm saying. It should all be fairly obvious, really :P

The friendships are something that I think I've improved considerably since the first version. Cutting a character out has made the relationship between Molly and her two best friends far stronger and easier for me to cope with, and it's made little things like that easier to incorporate. I think my main worry are the two friend OCs [Max and Anna, and maybe even Mia to a lesser extent] and getting them remembered, since they seem to be only brought about in passing mention. We shall have to wait and see on that.

Oh I am so glad you said that! Honestly, the original meeting was the biggest clichéd train scene meeting I've ever read; it was a real disaster. This time, I wanted something smaller, something so slight and so insignificant, really, to start them off and to know that it paid off is really and truly wonderful to hear.

Rita, I am so, so sorry this took so long and I really cannot thank you enough for the wonderfully detailed review. I adore hearing your thoughts - thank you!


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Review #7, by llyralenCaught in a Web: Chapter 2

8th April 2010:
Ok. I am not very creative, therefore, I am running out of ways to say how good this all is. THIS IS FREAKIN AWESOME. There, I lost my Seb like cool demeanor and turned into a flouncing idiot.

This is beautiful Rachel! No exaggeration and no flattery. This is just gorgeous! Every chapter I am getting more and more enthralled to the whole world you've created here. The people are so enticing and alluring. I can't help but be curious about them.

- Favorite line of the fic thus far: No-one should ever be described as nice after the age of ten.

- Seb is a brilliant character with an absolutely amazing voice. It has to be said that I am a little disturbed that I empathize with him so well. This just shows, Rach, that you can take the most unlikeable guy in the world and make me like him! He seems arrogant, self-assured, self-aggrandized, cynical, self-entitled and what ever other horrible thing you can think of, but at the core of it you empathize with him. Your writing makes me think like him, feel like him and be annoyed like him. His mother makes me want to hit something, his father (though I would normally feel so sorry for his character) makes me feel nothing but pity and his brothers feel like the newest incarnations of neanderthals. I love how you were able to do that. The power of language! The power of good writing!

- The juxtaposition of the two families, Weasleys and Beckers. Both large families, given, but so different from each other. In my little strange mind, I kind of imagine them as the Addams family in terms of looks. Maybe its their general lethargy as a group or the fact that they are a satirical representation of a family of leisure. They are rich, powerful and entitled. It reflects on how they take things for granted like family. Even in Seb's father's offer, he masks his own wrongful exercise of power by saying that it's not nepotism. But to offer him the job, even if it is from the bottom, isn't it already that? is that what he wants to achieve. to use his influence and get his son a job because he is afraid of Seb ending up a jobless failure? In a way, it reflects his own pride! I love how so many layers you can see in the story, intentional or not!

Again, I love this story and I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: I will definitely settle for your flouncing idiot reaction, even if I do think it's silly :P
(I jest)

Okay, I don't jest because calling this 'beautiful' is a bit silly. Very much appreciated but not a term I'd use for it at all.

I really like that line - it was in the original too and I just HAD to keep it in because I'm a firm believer in that myself. It's the drilling of English teachers since I was a child that "you do not use the word nice - EVER."

Okay, I can't deny that that description of Seb made me both laugh and nod in wholehearted agreement at what you think of him because that is him all over. I think I'd be disturbed too if I was actually head over heels in love with him at the minute, which is FAR more disturbing than the empathy.

Haha, I ADORE the way you've described his family kind of through his eyes and yours too. Honestly, the confidence boost that each of your reviews has given me is ridiculous because you're just confirming everything I intended for it - as lovely as the squee reviews are, this depth is brilliant in that it just lets me know I'm on the right track.

Haha, I honestly don't imagine them anything like the Addams family but I can completely see it now. They have that air about them :P

I love how many layers you GET out of this story. Honestly, most are unintentional and to see someone picking it apart like this is such a treat for me, really.

Honestly, Rita, you absolutely blow me away. I took a while to respond to this but I feel I owe you infinitely now for each of your stunning reviews, the Fancy banner, every little thing.

Thank you so, so much for all the effort and care you have put into every single one. They really have helped me a great deal.


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Review #8, by llyralenCaught in a Web: Chapter 1

8th April 2010:
Oh! Once again, can't write a long review because I seriously have to get to the next chapter! But highlights:

- I love the Weasley family that you've created. They are so.realistic is the world I'm using but it's beyond that. They are eerie. They seem to be your ordinary family that it's scary. I can see traces of my family in them, which is so odd because of all the Weasley family portrayals, this is the first dynamic that I've gotten that that they could exist in real life and as a whole unit. That I loved

- The way you introduced such a huge cast in such an excellent way. No one seemed rushed. No one seemed out of place. It all seemed like you're average first day of school jazz and all that came with it.

- Percy! Perfect overprotective dad. He feels so spot on! His self-imposed innocence to the alternative sexualities, his stiff but tender manner, his side comments. Love him!

- Max is camp deliciousness at its best. He reminded me of one of my best friends actually. A best friend who's life time goal is to be on America's Next Top Model, so yeah. I loved Max!

- The overall realism. Usually, people, despite there being a young demographic writing in HPFF, tend to romanticize or sensationalize the train ride in Hogwarts. As if something big, bold, dramatic and poignant needs to happen there. But really, what is it but a train ride to school. I love the realism in that and that you didn't need to put something so overtly unbelievable in it all, while still being interesting.

Loved the chapter! On to the next!

Author's Response: Writing the Weasleys is what panics me more than anything in Next Gen - the sheer size of this family and retaining their individuality, I panic like mad when it comes to getting them together in one place like this, having a fairly small and compact family myself and to hear [see?] you saying these things is both a huge compliment and great encouragement as well.

Percyyy ♥ I love writing this man so much. I adore him and to hear that you liked him here is brilliant :)

Max, Max, Max. Top favourite character - has elements of a lot my male friends in him and I do love him. I'd really like to write him into something else but am yet to get the opportunity.

Actually, the original was a little like that and once I'd got to grips with the fanfiction do's and don'ts, I was determined to scrap it in the rewrite, so to know it was realistic is a huge comfort.

You are - I repeat - an absolute star. Thank you so, so much


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Review #9, by llyralenCaught in a Web: Prologue

8th April 2010:
Okie, this is going to be a very short review because I can't wait to get to the next chapter, but the highlights of my awe are as follows:

- Seb is reminiscent of Dorian Gray. The corruption in him, the innate charm, the face that could lure even the most flighty girl. Wow that is a well thought of character

- Molly! Her desperation! Her fear! Everything was palpable like thick, aged wine on the tip of the tongue. It tastes so good that you don't want to swallow, but when you do, it tastes even better as it warmly caresses your neck.

- Their relationship is so well crafted! Even from the get go, you know she is scared of Seb, but there is something about him that draws you. He may not seem aggressive, but there is a latent power inside of him that just plants that same fear in your heart. Fear of what he's capable of. Fear of what he'd do to Molly, even though he seems to genuinely think he loves her. He is so genuine that you don't know if he's just a good actor or if he's really that messed up.

I don't know what this was before the re-write but this is a work of art! Blood-curdling and bone-chilling! Perfect!

Okie, that's all the time I can take. Must get to the next chapter! Hair on arm on end and anticipation on all time high!

On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Oh this is not short! Absolutely perfect...usually, except I am still failing to comprehend how I can possibly reply to this as it made me turn into a bit of a squealing mess when I saw it.

Seb was definitely not intended to be like Dorian Gray but that is a more than epic compliment. If he can be even an ounce like Dorian, I'd be happy.

Urgh, I want your descriptiooon! That's a gorgeous way of describing it and I'm so glad that you felt like that as you read it - definitely somewhere close to what I intended.

Yes, yes and yes. I wasn't sure a newer reader would get that at all but yes. Fear is so brilliant and fitting with this and I adore how you said 'he seems to genuinely think he loves her.' Nobody's pulled me up on that yet but you've hit the nail right on the head with it. And to not know whether he's being genuine or not - honestly, this is so encouraging, it really is.

Oh this was sooo different before the rewrite. So, so awful and I'm not even going to deny that I think this prologue is my favourite bit of writing of my own. I loved writing it and I am so, so glad that you've described it as you have because it's exactly what I was after.

Rita, you are a goddess and I love you.


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Review #10, by llyralenFor a Time, the Earth Is Still: I

29th March 2010:
So sorry for the lateness of this review hun! I've been busy and have only recently gotten to my review thread :) So let's just plunge right into it shall we?

First of all, I am heavily biased against second person >.< I dunno, it's just me getting confused with reading and writing it, but luckily, I did not mind it as much in this piece. It flowed nicely and each sentence seems to flow into the next quite nicely. Nothing to worry about in that area :)

Myrtle's loneliness is palpable. It's so thick, so consuming, it defined her and definite her relationship with others. In this piece, its like she's an emotional vampire, she sucks every bit of emotion out of you for her own needs that even though you want to love her and you want to care, you can't help but feel relief when the bounds and finally cut. The expression of those feelings were intense and overpowering (which was why the use of second person didn't bother me so much XD) What's more impressive is how you wove in Minerva's guilt. I quite liked that part myself and it didn't feel like coldness when you put it into perspective. It felt natural and it felt so realistic.

All in all Melanie, I loved this fic! An excellent piece indeed!

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Review #11, by llyralenMadam Minister: Of Whigs and Wolves

21st March 2010:
Alright, this is just gonna be a quick review. Promise something longer when I have the time XD

But I just needed to squee = WHIGS! I don't think you know how much I love you right now! WHIGS + MILITARY MAN + SEAN BEAN = MY UNDYING LOVE XD

That is all :) More to come when the time presents itself :)

Author's Response: Rita!
Thank you so much, dear! I'm so glad you're still enjoying my long-winded, rather boring attempt at an HP historical novel. ;) And actually, I just learned about Whigs in my British history class a few months ago...isn't that embarrassing? Haha.


Lee Anne

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Review #12, by llyralenIchor: Blood of a Queen: Prologue

30th December 2009:
Amazing descriptions. One word: riveting. It really does set a tone for what the story is going to bring: intrigue, politics, belonging to something larger than life and a great destiny unraveling before her very eyes.

Great job hun! I can't wait for more!


But thank you so much! Seriously, I look up to you as a writer and to see this review made me squee a little. Thank you so much, I will try my best not to disappoint. Thank you, thank you, thank you :D

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Review #13, by llyralenI Am Man, Hear Me Roar: Dominique

27th December 2009:
I need a proper Nick and George story! Definitely! They sound like they're going to be the cutest couple ever! What's more, I loved the voice that you gave Dominique. It's very guy-like if I do say so myself. Effortless. I don't know how you do it hun! Between this and Hardboiled, I think it's one of your best oneshots yet!

This kinda hits close to home for me too, since I've been writing about a chapter in Spin where Louis's legal name is actually Louise Jean Weasley (due to his Mother's curly writing and a bad eyed nurse). Since none of his parents ever got around to having his birth certificate fixed...well, you catch the drift XD

Excellent story dear! Immensely amusing and definitely.

Keep at it and amazing job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Rita!

Spin is on my reading list - I've heard so much about it - and that thing with Louis' name sounds hilarious.

Thanks again - I really appreciate the review!


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Review #14, by llyralenBreathless: Ether Shadows and Phantoms

8th September 2009:
A very great beginning darling! I love the set up you have here. The hospital. Healer Crane. The spark they instantly have! And I know, I know it in my heart that it's Remus at the door. REMUS! *ok, carried away* Anyway yes, I do love this fic. A very nice pick up from where you left with Consumed XD

Looking forward to reading more. Sorry for my mediocre review :)

Author's Response: RITA!
*hugs* Wow, what an amazing review. I am so very honored. Thanks for taking the time to review! You didn't have to you. I know how busy you are with your fics. (which must be updated or I shall die, yes, die. ^_^).

I'm so glad you liked this. You know I hate writing first chapters. They give me panic attacks. ;)

Anyway, it was great hearing from you. We must chat soon. I miss you! I hope you're well!

Lee Anne

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Review #15, by llyralenyour enemy is sleeping: pomegranate gelato

15th August 2009:
Like I said in my PM Gubby, this fic was sublime. No words can describe it but I can try.

It felt sensual, sinful, nectarine, velvety, smoldering, lulling, drawing, smokey and dimly lit.


Author's Response: There are no words that I can think of that might communicate how grateful, honored, and humbled I am to receive this praise. From you, of all people. So thank you for everything, Rita. I truly am honored.

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Review #16, by llyralenCommitted: Prologue

4th August 2009:
Alright, I know I already told you this but your fic is fab! I read it a few days ago from the Recently Updated list and now have finally decided to review *am such a bad person* Take note, I am often too lazy to review, so yay you for inducing me to XD

The fic itself is fab. Wonderfully written. I think it's the ironic humor that just gets me :) It's subtle, and I find such an art in subtle humor XD Love that.

I also love that you decided to write about mental illness, which as I've said, is such an underwritten topic in HPFF. Like wizards are immune to being sick just because of the magic. Well, Bellatrix Lestrange is living proof that that isn't the case (crazy old wench).

Anyway, back on topic...

Even though it's just the first chapter, I've already taken a shine to Hugo...and not just because you used Chris Pine in the banner either XD It's that subtle humor again, and the fact that despite him asking for help, like the typical male, he's still proud. Reluctant to ask for the help that he really needs XD That's such a guy thing.

Anyway, I look forward to reading more! Can't wait to see the bunch of crazies you parade for us!

Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Well doesn't that make me feel honoured? Lol. I feel like I should run around and brag that I got a review from you. XD. Kidding. But only to a certain extent.

I agree with you - people seem to think that wizards are immuned to everything Muggle, but I think it's quite the opposite. Well, not the opposite, but it's like you said. Crazy isn't limited to just the Muggles. Actually, Helena Bonham Carter's portrayal of Bellatrix is one of my inspirations. I mean, I know Hugo's not crazy like she is - hell, he's not even crazy he's just lost his memory - but there's going to be a few characters that are a bit messed up in the head, and not just because magical spells have gone wrong.

I've always liked Hugo, though I don't think he gets the credit he deserves. A lot of authors make him highly anti-social or just downright awkward whereas I wanted to make him more realistic - not exactly popular, but he's not a completely dunce either. Though he can be, considering his father.

I'm glad that you're interested in this, even if I don't quite understand why. I mean, after reading what I have of 'Wasteland', which, admittedy, isn't much, this seems a bit of a bore, but I'm glad you invested an interest nonetheless. My only hope is that I don't disappoint!

Thanks for the great review!

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Review #17, by llyralenAnnelise: Dancing, Dessert, and Disaster

4th August 2009:
I love the French addition to the story! I am in love with Paris (especially in fics)! Good job! Going on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks! I only know minimal French, so only a bit will be in later chapters. That is, until I start school! I'm gonna take French as my Language. If you know any French that may be helpful, please let me know and I will be very grateful!

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Review #18, by llyralenUnderneath: Of Cigarrettes, Engagements, and Sarcasm

27th June 2009:
Cute story. Can't wait to read more! I love Professor Sinistra and I've always wanted to read an interesting story about her. Although I'm not particularly fond of Snape stories, I do so like this

Great job and keep on truckin!

PS: In canon, Sinistra's name is actually Aurora. Just wanted to say.

Author's Response: Thanks! I adore Sinistra, always have. Yes, I know that isn't techincally her canon name, but since it wasn't stated in official canon, I decided to change it.

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Review #19, by llyralenGold Dust: A Grimm Tale

15th June 2009:
Okie, remember when I said I was in love with Becker, well now we're married and have 4 kids, 3 girls and a boy and they're all like him XD We're so proud XD

Anywhoo Jen, you know the drill. You're a freakin genius and that's all there is to it. JAMazing new chapter! I was so in awe when you explained that whole Gold Dust thing. Very creative! I can't wait to learn where the other vials are!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cry in some corner wishing I could think up something like this.

Author's Response: RITA!! /tacklehugs. you have no idea how much your review made my day; i totally love you so much that i could marry you. coming from you all these compliments are awesome because you know how much i idolize(sp) your stories. thankyou so so much hon! and don't cry; you pwn my face anytime.

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Review #20, by llyralenGold Dust: The Manor

3rd June 2009:
You know what Jenny! Why don't you just curl up and die. THIS STORY IS AWESOME! Nevermind that it's Dramione, because I don't care. You've kept them canon (and that's rare and beautiful), I an IN LOVE with Becker (Malfoy's found his match, definitely) and to top it all of, you've given me a dose of my own medicine. I don't know what the heck is going on and that fact makes it so impossible not to read on and be caught into the web that is your genius :)

Amazing story Jenny loff! Definitely one of your best! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: um... hi, my name is jenny, and i'm so totally marrying you.

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Review #21, by llyralenBlurring the Edges: Prologue

6th May 2009:
Hello dear! This is Llyralen from the TGS forums and I'm here to review on your story :)

Perhaps its a personal preference, I am not sure, but I would first like to address the structure of this chapter. I am a firm advocate of showing, not telling and I believe this would all have been more effective if you'd given us an image/metaphor rather than breaking the fourth wall. It would have been more chilling to actually show your readers what Tom had done to Minerva rather than telling them. Both evocatively and stylistically.

Personally, I think you would have done better without the prologue, scattering the information you gave here throughout the following chapters.

Another thing I've noticed is your language. Somehow, your diction and syntax doesn't seem to be reflective of what you're trying to achieve. A tired, old, broken Minerva with a mile's list worth of regrets and ills. Some of the line sound odd when read out (considering that it is an old woman speaking) This one stuck out the most

And over the years, as I watched what he turned into, I have regretted not sticking with him.

But it's nothing major. Some minor tweaking will do this a world of good. Perhaps try reading it out loud to yourself. See what sentences feel long or feel like some words could do with substitution.

But again, this may be a matter of preference and nothing more.

Perhaps, if you do intend to edit accordingly, you could make it so that she were telling someone. A final memoir. A story at her death bed. A final exposition of regret and torment. There are so many ways to present this without breaking the fourth wall. This prologue is excellently written, make no mistake of that, but what it needs is the proper frame to make it relevant to the novel itself.

In terms of the technicality of your writing, I am very impressed indeed. Your use of alliteration, parallelism and motif in your structure is quite well placed, only adding to the power of the emotion. It shows that you've given thought and effort to it, not just entering the blank page, willy nilly.

The idea is fantastic, and the characterization brilliant. I appreciate you writing Tom/Minerva because there is hardly any of it in the archives. I also like that you gave Minerva this soft vulnerability, contrasting/complementing to her strong and dominant nature.

The themes you raised in this prologue, the choice in/to love, regret, redemption, guilt, love, nature vs. nurture (was Voldemort evil to begin with or did something turn him so), etc. etc., it all hints for a very moving and deeply fulfilling fic.

I am excited to read more. Don't hesitate asking for more reviews.

- Rita

Author's Response: Rita, I completely understand what you're saying. Thank you SO much for finally pointing this all out to me. This prologue was written a million and one ways before I finally settled on writing it like this, but one of those experimental ways was, in fact, Minerva on her death bed. In my mind, this is the way this prologue is intended to be as well, but I never actually wrote it out, leaving it up to the reader to decide why exactly Minerva is remembering everything about Tom.

*is skipping around to answer your review* (I apologize about that. =P) I try to stay away from prologues when I can, because I tend to fall into this pattern, actually. I give the reader pretty much the ending (in a way) and then go back and explain myself. *shrugs* I don't exactly know why/how I developed that habit, but it's there. But I definitely see how it could be taking away from the story. I'll think about all that when I eventually edit this, for sure.

Again, the sentence you pointed out (among others that I found when I went back and reread it again), does seem a bit out of place. I will definitely be taking your advice and reading it out loud to myself when/if I edit this chapter. ^_^

I'm glad that you found the writing itself to be good. ^_^ I do put a lot of thought into what I write, so it's nice when people pick up on that, rather than just saying that it was good. =P

And I know! It really is disappointing, since I think they're such an excellent couple to explore. Because they were bound to have known each other, I'm sure, and really, who's to say that nothing happened between them? =]

As for Minerva's personality, I was trying to show her in a slightly different light as she lets her guard down to recall all these memories. There's still the strong, independent woman there, but for this prologue, she's vulnerable, yes. =]

Your review has been so helpful! Honestly, I can't thank you enough for this. ^_^ I'll definitely let you know when the next chapter is up. (It's actually in the queue right now.) Again, thank you so much for this review, dear! You're amazing. ^_^


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Review #22, by llyralenThe Trick is to Keep Breathing: Chapter One

20th January 2009:
Life goes on doesn't it? After a time of shattering crisis, all people can do afterwards is go on and move on. What a wonderful beginning to what I am sure will be a wonderful story!

Your descriptons are lovely! It's amazing how you can make a person, place and time jump out of the page (or in this case the computer screen) and into life. Fascinating. The only way I can describe it is that your writing is like embroidery, meticulously sewn detail to create a wonderful garment! Bravo! I don't say this about a lot of people, but your writing has a very Austen feel to it, and it fits the challenge perfectly!

As for the story itself, I can't say that I can want for more. You've set it up quite nicely with Nott's mounting interest in Astoria as well as her mysterious lure to Draco! I must say it had my toes curling in a good way. I can't wait until the interaction passes from friendly glance to friendly words...and then some!

Wonderful job Steph! I love it!

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't tell you how much this means to me, Rita! I was surprised at how happy I was with the outcome and I'm glad you liked it too. The next chapter should be up within a month - I want to work on the story some more before updating. Anyways, thanks again for reviewing and for issuing that awesome challenge. You rock, m'dear ^_^

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