WOW! I mean, what can I say, just WOW! I've read a lot of stories here and none so captivating and beautiful as just your first chapter! ^_^ Very well done.
This is Kurlz, from the forums, and sorry it's taken me so long to review just ONE chapter. I'll favorite this story to see where is goes, and you've actually given me some inspiration for my own - so thanks! Lol
In reference to your request - It indeed wants me to read on! You've done a very good job of captivating your audience, so well done!
~KAuthor's Response: thanks so much for the lovely feedback, I'm so flattered that you enjoyed it :) Report Review
AH!! SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER!! Hey, it's kurlz from the forums. Sorry it's taken me so long, but I've just recently revisited by requests page, and oh dear lord!
This story has developed so well, and I LOVE R and J in there - very poetic, and it captures Draco so well! Of course he's all sensitive and reads Shakespeare! I remember when you had barely any chapters in this, and NOW?!?! Holy crap. Your writing is truly amazing, don't you dare stop. I'll be reading more later, but please re-request to update me on new chapters. Really nice job
~KAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review! I realized I only gave you one review, so I will be sure to catch up and give you the review that I promised! I am so happy you enjoyed. I hope you keep reading. I can't wait to read more of your story.
LL Report Review
Hey there! Kurlz here, from the forums. Sorry it's taken me SOO long to review, but I'm here now, so YAY!
I love this opening - it catches you right from the beginning! Really creative. And thanks for the minimal grammatical errors - SO NICE ^_^ Your writing style flows so well, I'm really impressed. I DEFINITELY think you should continues with Hermione/Victor. If you feel inspired - GO FOR IT!! And let me know if you post more stories, I'd love to read them!
Really, very nice
~KAuthor's Response: Hi!
That's okay, I has a review thread too, and I know how super easy it is to get behind lol.
yay! I am glad you think so!!! I jsut love this opening, I think its so much more interesting than a meeting in the library!
~~Chelsea Report Review
Holy crap!! What just happened?!?! I'm in complete and utter shock. Okay...this is Kurlz from the forums, sorry it's taken so long to review, but I'm here now and CRAVING more!! He killed his brother and has glee about it!! Oh my god!
I am totally enthralled! The cool manner in which you wrote gave me an off-putting sense about the narrator, but THAT was unexpected. Thanks for that! WHEN ARE YOU UPDATING?!?! Please request again once you have. VERY good first chapter.
~KAuthor's Response: It's fine, but I am so very sorry that it has taken me so very long to respond to your review. Please forgive me, these summer classes are killing me.
You must have misunderstood. This is the first, and only, chapter. It was just a one-shot that I cooked up. But, I am glad that I enthralled you with this! Thank you so much for the review! :]] Report Review
Oh. My. GOD! That was awesome! Thank GOD you started writing again. And don't stop! Seriously, I need another chapter like, PRONTO. AH!!! Did I mention that I love this story - because I DO!
Okay, now to my review. The kiss was amazing! I think I'll re-read it after I leave this review. Lol, really potent writing.
My one tiff with this chapter was that I wished Hermione fought back a bit when Draco said "I need you to stay away from me" and that whole scene. I think her anger is premature before the kiss, and way too absent afterwards.
But that's all! I LOVED THIS CHAPTER AND I LOVE YOUR STORY. PLEASE tell me when the next chapter is coming - and it better be soon!!!
~KAuthor's Response: thank you! i will consider changing that...you are right!! I was so excited that I finished writing it I wanted to put it up ASAP :)
I appreciate your awesome reviews, you are the best. I will try to keep writing for as long as I can manage. I have college applications coming up soon, so I may go through a bit of dry spell, but I love writing, and know that I will always try my best to come back and finish what I started.
Thanks!!! And keep your eyes open for a new story by me and a new chapter of jealousy! :) Report Review
wow. the drugs were an interesting twist. I definitely did not see that on coming. I only found ONE mistake grammatically in the chapter, so brava! It is when you say "which was he way of telling Jack to shut up". Should be "Which was HIS way." Lol, very tiny, but it caught my eye.
I'm waiting for Harry and the gang to show up! Lol, but I love the scene. Descriptive, but not overly explanatory. Very good job!
I should also mention that I'm kurlz from the Forums somewhere in this review, so there ya go!
I think the last paragraph could be improved a slight bit. You need more action sentences. Instead of "they quickly rose to their feet", you could say "the boys jumped to their feet, ready to run" or something like that. Am I making any sense?? I hope so! ^_^
I only have time to review one chapter right now, but PLEASE request again, and I'll give you so many reivews you won't know what to do with them! Lol, very nice opening chapter. Good length too. Hope to be hearing from you soon!
~KAuthor's Response: Oh, you think I need more action sequences? Oh, just you wait. MWHAHAHA!! Report Review
Hey! Me again. So most of your grammatical problems are with tenses (past verses present). And if your not native to English, those can be REALLY hard to sort out. I would suggest aquiring a Beta from the forums. They are people you send your chapters to, and they look specifically for grammar mistakes if you want them to. They can also work with you on plot and character development.
Your chapter was very nice, really good plotline as well. Unfortunately, I only have time to review two chapters, but go ahead and request with me again if you want! I really like your story.
~KAuthor's Response: *sigh* thank you for all your suggestions/opinions. i'm really careless when i write sometimes. i can't seem to correct my problem with tenses. i dunno why. but i already got a beta. that will be a big change hopefully. :)
and by the way, i am so sorry it took me ages to review this chapter. my laptop broke. but thank you for reviewing! you take care. :) Report Review
Hello there! It's kurlz from the forums - thanks for requesting! And sorry it's taken me so long to get here, my computer's been acting up...but hopefully I'm getting a new one soon! Yay! ^_^
So very nice first chapter. A little short, but that's fine. So is the opening chapter for one of my stories! When you say "the level of a multinational renowned company", that sounded a little off to my ears. Do you mean international renowned company, or you could put "multi-national". Also, put a comma between mulit-national and renowned.
"was called upon the minister" should be "was called upon BY the Minister"
I know these things are nit-picky, but I thought if you are updating this chapter again, I'd add my input. Nothing much happens in this chapter, so my other suggestion would be to add a little more. In your author's note, you acknowledge this, but now that you have put up more chapters, I'd add a little more.
"As he take a look behind his back" is vaguely grammatically incorrect. You could say "as he glanced over his shoulder" or something. ^_^ Also, "students who was watching him" should be "students who were watching him"
Really nice job! Onto the next chapter!
~KAuthor's Response: oh gosh, sorry it took me so long to answer your review! thanks for all your suggestions, they're a big help! :) Report Review
Hey there! It's Kurlz from the forums, and thanks for requesting! Sorry it's taken me so long, my computer was acting up...but I'm here now!
Anyways, onto your story! I love the opening paragraph. It was a great way to start the story. That first line?? Killer! Lol, really nice! It's so personal - the way you narrate in first person, it made me want to read more.
At times your writing seemed a little redundant. Like when you say "I don't know what I would have done without it. I really don't know what I would have done without it." It just seems a little repetitive.
Hey, I only have time to review one chapter, but PLEASE request again. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! fantasic writing!Author's Response: Aww thanks :)
I'm really happy you like it! I was so unsure with this story because my OC is so different from all the others and I didn't know if people would like her or not but it seems like they do!
Thanks for pointing out the repetitive sentences, I'll definitely change them. I owe you for that xD
I've already re-requested the next chapter on your review thread. Thanks so much for the review!
x Report Review
Hey there! Me again...^_^
Just one question, and you may have already answered this, but why are Eve and Dawn going on the Durmstrang ship? Are they in the tournament as well? Because I thought only one hogwarts pair was allowed to participate... Like I said you may have already answered it, but I just thought I'd ask!
And your descriptions of the room are so detailed!! Keep up the good work. I could really tell that you could see the bedroom in your mind.
And hey, let me know if you have a reviews thread in the forums! Your writing is so beautiful, I'm sure your reviews are too! I'd love to request my stories sometime.
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Hey Kurlz, great to see you back again! :)
Everyone is asking about why a ton of people are going on the ship and I really should have included it in the story but didn\\\'t. It\\\'s like in GOF when all the students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons stayed at Hogwarts to watch, its the same but the other way round. Hogwarts students are attending to watch the Tournament since it\\\'s such a monumental event! Don\\\'t worry at all about asking, I really should have made it clear!
I\\\'m so glad you liked the descriptions, I love to write them and always do have such a clear idea of what I want to show so I\\\'m glad people can understand that.
I do have a reviews thread but it\\\'s a bit.dead. :)
BUT, rest assured as soon as I can I\\\'ll pop by and have a look at your stuff, I\\\'d be more than happy to to say thankyou for your lovely reviews! Report Review
Wow, really nice second chapter. I was so alarmed at the sudden attack on the train! Simply aghast! Lol, but very nice writing as always.
I found no problems in this chapter, grammatical or otherwise, and I read a chapter fairly thoroughly. So props for that! ^_^
Keep writing and I will keep reviewing!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Thank you for such an encouraging review =) I am glad you enjoyed the second chapter! It definitely riddled with stuff before editing, so I am glad that I managed to sort that out- it is nice to know ;-) I am excited to see what you make of the rest of the story. x Report Review
Hello there! Very interesting first chapter! I liked it a great deal. It's Kurlz, by the way, from the forums, and thank you for requesting me! I really enjoyed this chapter.
The only thing - and I know I'm critiquing very early in the process, but I would watch your commas. Not that there are too many, but perhaps that there are too few. I got confused with the sentence structure a couple of times because of the lack of commas in places.
Oh my gosh! And I just read the little part when Scorpius asks Rose sincerely if she is ok, and it was REALLY SWEET!!! If you have any more moments like that - keep them! That was wonderful.
I can't wait to read more. Very nice job.
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you for coming by to review :)
Don\\\'t worry at all about critiquing too early, this is my first fic and my first attempt at writing so I\\\'m always more than happy to see what people think. I\\\'m definitely going to note down what you\\\'ve said. I\\\'m hoping to go back after I\\\'ve got the story well established and edit early chapters so I\\\'ll make sure I focus on the sentence structure and commas.
I only wrote the early chapters a few months ago but I feel like since my writing has come on alot, so when I go back and read the first chapter I cringe a bit!
There is plenty of sweetness in this story left to come, I just love getting that real \\\"awww\\\" feeling when you read something so I want to give the same to people who read this.
I\\\'m so glad you\\\'ve enjoyed the chapter, thank you for the absolutely lovely review! Report Review
WOW...really nice first chapter. I wish I could write like that! Man! That was good. ^_^ Haha, very nice work, and I'm only on the first chapter!
Do you have a Meet the Author page? Because I'd love to ask you more about your inspirations for writing!
You'll be seeing more of my reviews very soon,
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Aw - thank you! That is very nice of you =) I am very very glad you like it! I do have a MTA page as well as an official website, so feel free to shoot me questions either place. I hope you enjoy the story, and please do let me hear what you think of the story! *jumps up and down* *sends hugs* Report Review
I like it! Really nice chapter, and sweet, too! The one thing that occured to me was that the last line "You don't even know me" could be more sincere. As if she was studying Severus's judgemental state. I think the line would be more powerful if the inflection was different...just a passing thought! ^_^
I usually review three or four chapters at a time, so once I'm done here, feel free to request again if you like!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: I will take a look at that line again. Thanks for the tip!! :) Report Review
Hmm, interesting first chapter. It makes me want to read more. I really found no grammar mistakes, and if there were any, they weren't major. It's Kurlz from the forums, by the way, and thanks for requesting with me. I can't really critique too much on the content at the moment, so I'll just keep reading! ^_^
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Thank you!! Report Review
HAHA that was so funny!! Really witty chapter, I enjoyed it very much. And it's so Mrs. Weasley to call her grandson on the radio to ask if he was eating nutritionally! I really like the light stories, and they are so rare at the moment.
Oops! I almost forgot to tell you that this is Kurlz from the forums. Please request with me again if you want another review or if you've updated this one! I really have enjoyed your writing!
~Kurlz ^_^Author's Response: Isn't it just like Molly?? I figured she's continue terrorizing the next generation like that. :-)
Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! Report Review
Wow. Really dark stuff. But riveting all the same! Those two pretty much go hand in hand for me. I love dark chapters! Hey, one little thing I thought while I was reading: I know that in the assasination of the Minister you wanted Elle to be caught with the knife in her hand, but why would her "curiosity get the better of her". If she knew is was evidence, why would she pick it up in the first place? I don't know, just a passing thought! ^_^
Hey, I know I didn't say this before, but this is Kurlz from the forums. Thanks for requesting with me - I'm very glad you did, you are an amazing writer. Keep updating the story and I will keep reading!!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Aha, thank you! I've tried to make this chapter as dark as possible, with all the themes of murder, brutality, female disempowerment, et cetera, so I'm glad I pulled it off well in your opinion :')
Well, Elle has some ... problems, after her accident. A very brief answer to your question, yes, but I'd rather not give it all away ;D
Aha, thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Yay - Remus!! Aww he's so cute as a little eleven-year-old. Ah, and it confused me at first, because I thought the second chapter was about a completely different person named Shelly before I made the connection the Shelly was a nickname for Michelle. I don't know if that was intentional, but nice job if it was.
And her realistic dreams make more sense now about her father not letting her sleep too much and training her in defense. I get it now!
Keep writing, and feel free to request on my topic again once more chapters are posted!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Yeah, my Aunt's name is Michelle and we call her Shel or Shelly, so I thought everyone knew it was common for Michelle to be called Shelly. lol Sorry for the confusion.
I'm glad you get it! I was hoping people would understand what was going on with her father and the dreams. :]
Can do! Thanks so much!
Alex Report Review
Hey, there! Wonderful first chapter! It really kept me engaged all throughout. And I'm sorry it took me so long to get this review up! This is IceOnFire from the forums.
I rarely found any grammatical mistakes, so props for that! And I liked how you established the father-from-far-away relationship - very nicely done. I can't wait to read more.
Oh, and I was intrugued by the mother's suicide and "Miss Black"... ^_^
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Thank you! I was wondering how people would feel about her father and mother's... situations.
I'm glad you liked it. :] Report Review
Sweet chapter! I love your style of writing - one minute you're at the beginning and then you get so enveloped in the story that it's over before you know it! Can't wait to read more. No critique really, and usually I have some...well that just means you are a very good writer!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you so much! That's quite the compliment. :) I'm glad I've got you hooked! Ahaha. Report Review
Wow! Really, really nice. I love the family dynamics of the Black house before everyone died off. I can't wait to read on to the next chapter. And well done with the grammar and punctuation! I hardly saw any mistakes, so major props for that.
Please keep writing, you're doing a wonderful job. Short, but I liked it. Kept me interested to read on. And thank you for the request!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Isn't the Black family great? I'd never want to live at Grimmauld Place, but it's been so much fun exploring their lives through this story. :)
Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and that you didn't catch many mistakes. I'll admit that I'm not the master of grammar, but I do try my best. Haha. Thanks again! Report Review
Yay! I'm the first! Sorry - random happy moment... ^_^ So! Now to my review: WOW! Very witty, extremely so! I laughed out loud, literally. AND I didn't find any grammatical errors in it, so props for that!!
I'm a little confused...is Raie a freind of the trio's? Is she in love with Snape? I'll read on and find out!
Keep writing, and thanks for the request!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Yes, you are the first! Thus, you are now on the list of my favorite people on this site! And of course, I'm blushing full scarlet as I type.
And alas, Raie's full introduction (more or less), will come in at a later chapter. An acquaintence of the trio, and fully in love with Snape, she tends to be a handful for me to describe (as in, she is an enigma still to me, and I created her!).
But yes, thank you! And I'm sosososososos glad you found it witty! And thank you also, obviously, for reading. I hope it atleast enticed you enough to check back and read as the story progresses. XOXOXOX
Lauruhh;) Report Review
Hello there! Well...very interesting chapter...and good opening line, also! That's always something I look for in a story. Not many grammatical errors in the chapter, so props for that!
Just one note, and this seemed strange to me while I was reading: wouldn't James be more shaken after witnessing a murder, not to mention the murder of someone he knew? I don't know, just an offhand thought about the flow.
Keep writingm and thank you for requesting!
~KurlzAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing! I think you're right, though I had figured that given the situation he didn't really have the time to go through the whole 'ohmygodsomeone'sbeenmurdered' thing. But I'll go back through that and check it out, and again, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Oh my goodness! The language! The literary devices! In the first paragraph alone I was hooked! And the poor house elf? Very nice portrayal of the tragedy of the situation. I can't wait to read onto the next chapter.
You created sentences that were enjoyable to read, and I hardly found any grammatical errors, so well done!
Keep writing, and thank you for the request!
~Kurlz ^_^Author's Response: First paragraph? Wow, that's impressive indeed. ^_^ Thanks very much! It's great that you liked what was in this chapter, and I appreciate you coming in to look it over!
I'll look out for those grammatic things - I tend to miss a lot of them. :/
Thank you very much for this! :D Report Review
Aww! That first part with the little boy was such a sweet moment! Props for the feel-good scene! And really well done on the Harry and James Jr. interaction. It's totally Harry in the last line of the chapter. Very good. And I'm definitely reading onto the next chapter and reviewing. It means a lot that you requested me for a review.
Thanks again for that, and do it again whenever you like!
~KURLZAuthor's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review! I'm glad you liked the little father and son scene...I hoped I had gotten the adult Harry right, so I'm happy you enjoyed it.
I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well, and I'll definitely pop by your review thread again when the next chapter is up! Report Review
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