Reading Reviews From Member: TwilightPrincess
  
307 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TwilightPrincessBound by Love: Things Least Expected

15th December 2014:
Hot seat!

Wow this is a great start to your story! You definitely have great talent in writing. Your writing is beautiful, descriptive, and poetic. I love that you chose to write about Neville beginning his post as Herbology Professor, and the plot device of something being left on his desk is brilliant. Right away I'm intrigued because I want to know what it is and who left it, so that was a really smart decision for your opening chapter.

The letters you wrote, both from Gran and from his parents were really touching. You do an excellent job of changing your writing voice when you shift perspectives, which is not something all writers can do, so good job on that.

Your story seems very interesting and already is very well written. :)

Ilia

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Review #2, by TwilightPrincessshe's thunderstorms: she's thunderstorms

14th December 2014:
Hi. I found this story randomly and thought the title was amazing so I read it. This story is also amazing. I feel like I want to just spin in circles and roll around because the writing is so incredible. It reads like a prose poem which always astounds me because I cannot write that beautifully. You can, and it's amazing.

I don't really know what to say but I wanted you to know that I read your story and i am glad I did because it is super great and so are you.

Ilia

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Review #3, by TwilightPrincessLosing You: Losing You

14th December 2014:
Hi it's me again. I am entranced by your writing. I don't normally read slash, but this was really amazing. The way you touched on the relationship they had was really wonderful. You didn't dwell, which was perfect. I also appreciate that you didn't include a flashback, but rather stayed in the present and had Remus reminisce on what had happened. Oftentimes it is much more valuable to us as readers to see how a character reacts to a situation rather than showing the situation itself. This story definitely benefits from that.

Also I'm obsessed with this writing style! It's like a hybrid of first and second person so it reads kind of like an open letter from Remus to Sirius. It's brilliant! Because it reads like a letter, I feel like I am getting to see something that i wouldn't normally get to see. Even if this were written in regular first person, yes we would see inside Remus's mind, but it wouldn't have the intimacy that the second person writing brings. You knew that, and you took advantage of that, and it was amazing.

Also the actual moment of the books that you chose to write about was P E R F E C T. I will never forget that moment where Remus holds Harry back as he screams when Sirius dies. It was like an instinct, or so it seemed. But I like that you explored the anger that Remus must have felt in that moment. The part where he says that this is supposed to be Sirius's job, that was hurtful but it was amazing. And so true! Grief comes with a lot of feelings that we don't always want to talk about, and a lot of writers don't want to show because it might make them seem out of character. But that's the thing. Grief puts you out of yourself. So I love that you wrote about that because it is so real.

Excellent piece. I really like your writing :)

Ilia

Author's Response: Hi Ilia!

Thanks so much for the review. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing this one-shot, and it's actually not supposed to be Slash. I know it comes across that way a little, but I really did write this as one very close friend to another. I know that I have close friends like this whom I love very dearly and I would be positively destroyed in the event of their death. I wanted to really capture that with Sirius and Remus. They had such a complicated friendship, what with the mistrust from the first war, and all the grief between them for James and Lily's deaths and so many other things, so I wanted to portray all the complicated emotions Remus would be feeling at losing his last real friend in the world.

James, Sirius and Peter were the first friends he'd ever had, the ones who saw past what he saw himself as - a monster - and instead befriended him and risked their lives to help him and make him happy. The loss of James and Lily would have been a devastating blow, and followed so closely by what he believed to be the loss of Peter and the betrayal of Sirius would've wrenched Remus's heart right out.

To learn so many years later that Peter was alive and the Betrayer, and that Sirius was innocent would've been confusing and a relief and yet another devastating blow, as it's said in the books that James and Sirius were the closest and that Remus and Peter were close too.

The final loss of Sirius after such a short time of having his oldest friend back would've been gut-wrenching and heartbreaking and devastating and I wanted to really capture that. For me this story was never about any kind of romantic love, but a love that runs much deeper in my opinion. The love for one's best friends is very powerful and oftentimes is much more enduring than any romantic love might be. For Remus especially, who lived so long isolated and friendless, I've always felt the love he bears for his friends is much more everlasting and enduring than any romantic interest he has.

I did mean it to come across as something of a personal dialogue between Remus and Sirius, as though Remus was sitting alone and intoxicated in the dark, muttering to Sirius as though he were still there. As you rightly stated, grief is a shocking and character-flawing emotion and so I didn't think it unreasonable to imagine the idea of Remus murmuring and shouting and muttering and cursing about the loss of his friends as though their ghosts were right there listening to him but unable to communicate back with him.

Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm actually really proud of this story, even if I was blubbering the whole time I was writing it, and so it's nice to know others are enjoying it too.

xx-Ellie


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Review #4, by TwilightPrincesslow tide: a meditation

13th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I love this story so much. As the starter of the Every Word Counts Challenge, I'm so happy to be reading and reviewing this. I love the emotion that you were able to pack into five hundred words. You did a really great job with establishing the deep feeling in the reader. I like the metaphor of the sand being washed away by the water. It's so beautiful and simple. I appreciate that you didn't overdo it.

I like that you chose to tackle the subject of George reflecting on the loss of his brother, alone. Too often, I see fics where writers explore George's feelings THROUGH his relationship with others, but I am really glad you chose to write him alone, reflecting by himself. It is very moving this way. And I say alone because even though Angelina is there, she is not talking him through his feelings or helping him figure anything out. That's what I mean. You did a great job.

Also, I really like the second person! I think it works really well. It can be tricky to make second person seem natural, but you did an excellent job. I've been on a second person kick lately so this was a thrill to read. You did an excellent job with this story and I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: You started the Every Word Counts Challenge?! You're basically a HPFF legend. That was an awesome challenge! :D

I'm so glad you liked the metaphor of the sand and the water, and that you thought the story evoked deep feeling. Considering the nature of this story it was definitely intended to focus on emotion a lot, and I'm so glad that came through but not too heavily. :)

I think that there is an important part of the grieving process that is necessary to be done alone, which is the point George is at in the story - I'm so glad you appreciated that. And yes, the way I see it, Angelina and Lee are there for him if he needs to talk, but aren't pressuring him to - so he can still have the time he needs but isn't lonely. It is so wonderful to hear that this was moving, thank you!

This was my first try writing second person and I found that I love that POV! Wow thank you so much, this review is so kind and I'm so glad you liked the story! Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #5, by TwilightPrincessLying to You: Lying To You

13th December 2014:
Hi! I found this in SecretPassion's Euphoria and Heartbreak challenge. It's really an amazing read! I am obsessed with the style. It's amazing. It works so well in this piece, and it is such a great way for the reader to connect with what's inside Severus's mind.

Also your first few lines are incredible.

I don't know what else to say. I'm obsessed with this story. I can't get to the story recommendations thread fast enough.

Great job!

Ilia

Author's Response: Hi Ilia,

Thanks so much for coming all the way over here to read and then for actually leaving a review. It's nice to know people are enjoying the story. I had a lot of fun tapping into Sev's psyche for this story.

Thanks for the recommendation!

=)


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Review #6, by TwilightPrincessCowardice: Cowardice

13th December 2014:
Hi! Here for the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I love this. I love that you accepted the Microfiction challenge because I think what you have produced from it is incredible. It challenges writers to think about what you really NEED to say in order to tell the story you want to tell, and so here we have a great piece. This may sound strange, but I feel like this reads like a movie trailer or a short film, and I love that! Your writing was very poetic, which lent itself easily to being visual in my mind. So when you were explaining what happened between Salazar and Helga, it was like the meat of the trailer. And you bookended the story with what was happening presently, which I thought was an excellent way to frame the story. It felt very complete. Also, congratulations for writing a story about the Founders! I know that it's not an easy era to write about but you did a great job here.

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Review #7, by TwilightPrincessFour: Four

13th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I love this story. It reads like a prose poem, actually, which I think works really well for what you're trying to accomplish here. I like that you showed us little snippets of their pasts, because it allows us as readers to do a little of the work and put the pieces together. You let us extrapolate on what you wrote and let us fill in the gaps of what you're trying to say. I also love the bit about the piano--as a musician myself, I love when music is a big part of characters' lives, and when writers choose to incorporate it. I also thought it was beautiful what you said about Hogwarts being a home and why.

Great story!

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Review #8, by TwilightPrincessNine and a Half: Nine and a Half

13th December 2014:
Puff Review Hot Seat!

This story is incredible. So cute. I like how you managed to span so much time in a one-shot, yet it didn't feel awkward, jumpy, or too long. I also really like the specific moments you chose to show us--you showed us a lot of different emotions that James and Teddy would go through together as they are raising kids. I LOVE how you brought back the 'four and a half' thing from the previous story! So cute and perfect.

I really like this story and I'm glad I finally got around to reading it! You're a very talented writer. I also don't often read fluff, but this was very easy to read and very enjoyable.

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Review #9, by TwilightPrincessFive and a Half: Five and a Half

13th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I loved this story. I don't normally read slash, but your title and summary were pulling me in. I like that you kept the plot light--it was a funny story! You wrote it very airily which I appreciate. I think the exchange about six years, no five, no five and a half--that was perfect. So cute! I will admit that I struggled a bit at first with picturing Teddy and James together, but your writing convinced me. I also really like the way you bookended the actual event with telling Harry about it. While I'm at it, I liked that Harry was appropriately concerned, but not in like a bigoted political way. He was more mad that Albus got hurt than what they were actually doing. Great job there!

This story is so cute. I'm going to read the sequel now. :)

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Review #10, by TwilightPrincessWaiting on You: Waiting on You

13th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here (a bit late!) for the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I loved this cute little story! I think you did a great job of establishing the cute innocence of these boys discovering their sexuality. And this is your first attempt at slash? It's wonderful. I appreciate that you focused on the emotions of BOTH Scorpius and Albus. The vulnerability you established was also really great.

Great fic!

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Review #11, by TwilightPrincessThe Colour of Distance: There's nothing I can say...

3rd December 2014:
Wow. This story is S E X Y that's all I can say. You really know what you are doing, that's for sure. Everything you wrote was perfect and tasteful yet full of passion and lust. Truly amazing.

Would recommend.

Ilia

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Review #12, by TwilightPrincessCliffhanger: Cliffhanger

22nd November 2014:
Wow, what an incredible story! I am SO pleased with the results of the Every Word Counts challenge. I had no idea it would turn into this big thing but it's great!

I love the distance the narrator has throughout the story. It adds to the eerie feeling overall because it makes it difficult for the reader to attach or connect with anyone in the story. That was a really smart choice!

I also love your opening couple of lines. I love when authors don't waste time getting to the important part. You opened with a strong image, which never left me for the duration of the story. Great job.

I like the way you subtly hinted that it was George by mentioning that Fred would be proud and by mentioning the Weasleys.

What I think I like the most about this is this notion of the Second War. I love that you thought about what effect the war would have had on the characters, and I love that you called it a second war. The grief and stress of the war is a battle all its own, and I'm really glad you decided to explore that.

Great job!

Ilia

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for this review, it totally made my day. :D Especially as I wrote this for your beast of a challenge.

Thanks! I didn't have many words so I was forced to get right in to it. :P I thought I may as well start as I mean to go on.

Thanks a lot for your kind words, they are very encouraging.

Fin

:D


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Review #13, by TwilightPrincessfall.: fall.

21st November 2014:
Wow. This was an amazing story. I love that you repeated 'fall' a few times. It made me feel like I was looking at individual scenes. Which brings me to my next point of why I like the way this is written: you showed us just enough. You didn't dwell. You showed us important snapshots and let us fill in the rest for ourselves. THAT'S how you write. That's the secret to making the reader feel immersed, and you nailed it. You can't give the reader every single little piece--then the reader isn't doing anything. You gave us what you wanted us to see, and let us make sense of it on our own. It's brilliant.

I also really like the way you used dialogue sparingly in this piece--it made the lines themselves punch out a little more. In particular, I liked when he said, "I broke it off with her." You didn't have him draw it out. Actually, you didn't have either of them draw out their responses, which I really appreciate.

This story reads like a short film to me, which I think is fantastic.

By the end, I wanted to scream NO because Rose was being too nice and so she didn't get what she wanted! I like that you addressed the fact that their families are very close, and so to date your family member's ex-boyfriend would be uncomfortable. I like that you decided to have that be a point that stopped Rose from going for it, because it really is a huge deal. But is also tells the reader that she values her family more than her feelings for Teddy, which, taken a step further, tells us that she values others more than herself. And that, my friends, is how you write a sympathetic character.

You wrote an amazing piece and I truly enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more from you.

Would recommend.

Ilia

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Review #14, by TwilightPrincessHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter One

20th November 2014:
Wow, this is impeccable work! Your writing style is very different from mine, but yours is the kind I admire most. I can tell that you have thoughtfully chosen each word in each sentence, and that you have arranged everything with care. I get the sense that this story has been a large project for you, and you have thought of everything. As a reader, I appreciate the fact that you make me feel like you know what you're doing. That may sound silly, but I mean it. Like I said, this style is vastly different from mine. I'm more of the splatter-paint method and I like to see what comes naturally spilling out of my brain and I keep the good stuff. But it seems like you are more of a careful, detail-oriented artist. I won't bother citing an example because literally every sentence is a beautiful piece of art. Excellent writing.

I like the theme of tattoos playing a major role in this story. I also think it's brilliant that the tattoo on the witch can move around her body. It's very clever and something I've never seen before but always wondered about. I also really liked The Marked Man's background, and as the title suggests, Hermione will have some connection to him which sounds very interesting.

This was a great start to your story. Please stop downplaying your writing by calling it long-winded or wordy. It's masterful.

Ilia

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for taking the time to review!
I'm very happy that you enjoyed the first chapter. Your compliments are very kind and generous. You are right, this story has been a very large project for me, both on the page and behind the scenes. I won't spoil anything, but the story later develops in a way that required a lot of beating my head against a wall trying to work everything out! Haha
It's funny to me that everyone seems to really enjoy the first example of a magic tattoo in the form of the black cat. It seemed a rather minor point when I wrote it, but I guess that goes to show that it's hard to predict which segments readers will gravitate towards. :)
If you do choose to read on, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Please let me know what you think if you do.
As for downplaying my writing, I'm afraid it's a bit reflexive at this point. :) I'm rarely satisfied with my own work, so I guess I drag it through the dirt a bit more than I have to.
Thank you again!


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Review #15, by TwilightPrincessHope: Hope

13th November 2014:
Hi! I just found this story randomly on the archives and decided to read and review!

This story was so thick and deep. I love it. I love that you decided to write about the moment immediately after the war. It seems like those kinds of moments are the ones movies and books skip over, but they are rich with emotion--real emotion, and I found myself connecting on a very human level with your characters. Because these moments are rarely depicted in media, I feel like when people encounter these situations in real life, they don't know what to do. So seeing characters in one of these moments is a great way to immediately connect with your audience because their reactions feel real.

You only had a couple of lines about Harry's attraction to Ginny, which I like. I am sure that one of the things on Harry's mind is finally being with Ginny after the terror of the war. Of course there are other more important issues at hand, like Fred's death, but I like that I could still feel Harry's internal conflict. You didn't dwell on it, but I could feel the tension within harry about his competing wants. That's good writing.

I also really like that the theme here is that friendships and close bonds facilitate hope in times of need. I find that very touching, and not overstated here.

I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you for writing it. :)

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Review #16, by TwilightPrincessThe Girl Who Was Not Afraid: Not Afraid

18th August 2010:
Hi! Thanks for requesting =)

This certainly was an interesting story. It was a weird plot, but I think it worked well. I like that you took a new approach to Harry seeing Ginny in trouble. Most authors write about the Final Battle or something similar, and I like that you took us to a new place. I must admit that I was very intrigued by your banner. It made me wonder what could possibly be happening in this story that would call for massive amounts of water and a floating girl. You showed me just that! And it was plausible - I don't know what "Rogue Death Eaters" means, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt there. For the sake of the story, it had to be so.

I'm wondering how Ron had time to write a note to Harry if he was trying to save Ginny from this water bubble. I like the wording of it, though. Because Ron mentioned Ginny in trouble, Harry was sure to get there as fast as he could.

The writing was a little bit off in some spots, though. For example, this line: "I have to save her. She's my soulmate, god damn it, she can't leave me now." First of all, soul mate is two words. Secondly, I can't imagine anyone thinking these words in such a serious situation. It read like a parody, actually. It took me out of the drama of the story.

I like that you had Harry so broken up about Ginny's death, but I wish you would have gone further. He was trying to keep it together in front of Ron, but I wanted to see what he REALLY felt. I wanted to see him break down like he wanted to. Don't be afraid to go further.

Also, I thought you sort of rushed Harry out of the situation when he should have stayed to console Ron more. Ginny was his love, of course, but Ron is still his best friend. Harry wouldn't leave him alone like that. And I didn't care for the line, "Hey, Ron, I'm just gonna... I'm gonna go." Really? Your lover is laying there dead in front of you, your best friend is broken and upset, and you say, "I'm just gonna go"? It doesn't make sense.

Ultimately, this was a very moving piece in a unique environment. Congratulations on writing an original scene! It was very interesting. Keep up the good work and have fun ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving such an in-depth review!

Hmm, I see what you mean about those lines. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but I'll definitely see if I can rework those bits. Thanks for pointing that out! And I was trying to go for more of a Harry-shocked feeling, but I do see what you mean. When I rewrite, I'll see if I can make it more... emotional, I suppose.

Thank you so much for the helpful review. It means a lot. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #17, by TwilightPrincessThe Bell Chimes: The Bell Chimes

18th August 2010:
Wow. This was really a remarkable piece. I love how the whole thing seemed to be like a series of montages. You kept the narration distant, which made it seem like I was watching everything among the characters from far away. I rather liked the effect. I think it added to the ongoing theme of the two of them forgetting the world and coming together. They distanced themselves to the world, and the narration was distant from them. That was brilliant.

I love the idea of the elevator dinging every time it hits a new floor. It's odd - I'd never thought of that sound as a bell chiming, but putting it in those terms makes it more elegant, more Hermione-ish, if that makes sense. It dignified the relationship between Hermione and Draco. That was a nice touch. And how romantic to have a moment in the elevator. There is a certain raunchiness that comes with that, but, like I said, your referring to the dinging of the elevator as a bell chiming gives it a more classy feel. Your writing took a situation that I would see as raunchy and turned it classy. How did you do that? It's amazing.

While you did an excellent job explaining Hermione's reasons for seeking out Draco after the final battle, I simply can't see her doing that at all. You said that she had the need to fix people, but I don't think Hermione would care enough about Draco to make sure he was okay after the battle. I certainly can't believe that she would skip seeing Harry and Ron immediately afterward to go find Draco. At times like this, I remember when he called her a Mudblood. Hermione is a smart girl - she wouldn't forget that. As far as writing goes, you covered your bases well. I'm not saying that you didn't do your job in trying to convince me. You did a great job with explaining Hermione's reasons for doing what she did. As a reader, I wouldn't buy it any day, no matter how beautiful the writing was, which it was.

Great job! Keep up the good work and have fun ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Wow... thank you for such a thorough and thought provoking review :D I do so love when someone unpicks things and makes me think. I wanted to create this other world in the elevator... where social norms don't dictate the way people act and there is a sense of unreality.

As for the whole idea of Hermione going to find Draco, I can see where you're coming from. In canon, we know that she would not. But like all Dramione shippers, I have faith :P I think there are a few important points though... firstly that we don't really know what is lurking in Hermione's mind... because our perceptions in canon are governed by Harry's view. And as for this story, well Draco did save her life and I think that for Hermione, that would mean something far more than prejudice

Anyway I'm rambling, but as I said... I love a review that makes me think... and all those kind words didn't go astray either lol. So thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and letting me know your thoughts. I really appreciate it :D


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Review #18, by TwilightPrincessCrescendo: Crescendo

15th August 2010:
Hello =) Thanks for requesting.

I liked this as a one-shot. It worked really well as far as capturing one moment, emotionally and physically. When you were describing the sounds of the Great Hall, I could hear everything and it was getting to me, actually. I could be set in the scene automatically and I could sympathize with your character straight away.

With that said, I think you went on with those descriptions for too long. Or rather, you continued to describe noise on the same level - it didn't move. I didn't feel that Theodore was getting more and more bothered as the story went on. Because of that, it felt like it was moving slowly. That has nothing to do with the number of words, so don't feel that just because this is "short" it has to move at a certain pace. It has to do with the way your words work together and the way you move the story.

Another thing I didn't quite care for was how you gave attention to his character. To be honest, I don't care what his best attribute is or what his worst one is. For the purposes of your story, you were focusing on how he gets headaches when there is too much noise, so I would have liked to see you focus on the (if I may) crescendo of the sounds around him. Since that is the point of the story, it doesn't matter who he is. The only part of his personality I need to know is that he gets headaches because he can't take the noise. He likes quiet.

I really liked how at the end, you had him say that line about quieting the world. I saw an underlying problem there, and it actually scared me. I could see that as the beginning of Theodore wanting to literally silence the world. And because he's in Slytherin, I wouldn't put it past him to try. That was a really good choice and a great line. It was perfectly worded and it gave me shivers!

This is a really cool piece. I really enjoyed it! Keep up the good work and have fun! ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Ilia,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my fic and leave such a lovely detailed review. I'm sorry parts of it dragged on for you, but when I was writing it (and even now) I rather like the way its written. To me, its enough detail.

But thank you all the same and I'm glad you enjoyed it despite the overuse of description.


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Review #19, by TwilightPrincessDirection: Direction

15th August 2010:
Hi there! Thanks for requesting. Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this.

I liked the first couple of paragraphs, specifically the first few lines. I love that you started off with the feeling of being alone in a crowd. That's something that a lot of people write about, but it's also something that everyone feels at one point or another. It was a great way to get my attention and set the mood. It was good that you recognized that it's a universally acknowledged feeling. That's smart writing; you captured me immediately and put me in the scene. I could feel your character's anxiousness in me. The first-person narration helped with that as well.

I like when authors use first-person to write stories like these, especially when the thoughts of the character are strong and important to the scene. However, you didn't get away from the info-dump at the beginning. I rather felt like I was being told a biographical essay of this person, except in a more casual tone. Let me get to know your character - don't tell me everything right off the bat. What fun is that? =P Meeting a new character is like meeting someone in real life for the first time. It takes a while for someone to get to know a person. You've got to get your feelers out and see what makes this person who he is. Writing should be the same. Let your readers meet your characters on a more personal level, and I think you'll have a much more enjoyable, realistic experience.

I love the repetition of the line, "You are Gordon Upstone, right? What the hell happened to you?" It was a great way to show that your character had really taken to heart what Harry had to say. And although Harry didn't say something like, "You look terrible," he'd said enough for me to know that your narrator was upset and disturbed. That's a really smart choice - your wording was subtle, but you still got the point across.

This was a really moving piece. It was uplifting to read about a character who had taken the wrong turn in his life but came back to the right path. It was also interesting to see that all he needed was a kick in the rear by an almost-stranger. That's another thing: I like that you had Harry be almost a nobody in this story, when in the series, he's the most important person there is. The focus wasn't on Harry for once, and I like that change of pace.

Great job! I also really love your title. Keep up the good work and have fun! ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Hi Ilia! :)

I'm glad to hear the beginning pulled you in! The beginning is always one of the hardest parts, trying to decide where your character is right now and where they're going to go.

Aha, the info-dump is evident now that I've looked back. Spreading information throughout the text is something I tend to struggle with, but a particular reason it was (possibly) worse this time was because *I* had no idea who my character was, and wanted to find out in a rush. Your way of describing new characters is a neat way to look at it, though -- I'll definitely keep that in mind when I'm introducing characters in future!

I think the reason Harry's words had such an impact on him was because he was someone Gordon had always looked down upon, and now all of a sudden he realizes that he's in a situation similar to what Harry's was when they were younger. Harry *is* almost a nobody to him. I'm glad you liked that. :)

Thank you for the wonderful review, Ilia! The advice will stick in my mind, I'm sure. =]

Sami


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Review #20, by TwilightPrincessStubborn: Chapter 1 of 1: Stubborn

11th August 2010:
That was so cute! I really loved this fic. Very nicely written. Precise and to-the-point, yet so full of passion. Great piece! Keep up the good work and have fun ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

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Review #21, by TwilightPrincessHarry's First Christmas: One

7th August 2010:
Hey there! Thanks for requesting =)

This was so cute! And it's such an interesting, unique idea, too. I wonder what made you think of something like this. It's not often that I read a story about Harry as a baby. It's refreshing =)

I love the way you depicted the relationships between Harry and his parents, and Harry and the rest of the Marauders. This story actually really hit home because of the fate of his parents and Sirius and Remus. This is a happy, cute, fluffy story, but it's also a little bittersweet. I love that. It's an intricate web you've produced here, and it's really well done. It adds a whole other level of emotion - one that's between the lines. I love it.

The only thing I would say I didn't care for was the lack of emotion in the narration itself. It felt rather like reading an instruction manual, and it kept me from really getting into the story. I think you got caught up in sounding like a professional writer and you lost the emotion and passion in the story. For example: Snow continued to fall. James noticed Lily's hand dangling aimlessly to the side and grasped it in his. Feeling his hand on hers, Lily turned her head towards his and smiled, gazing into his eyes. I don't feel it here. I don't feel what's going on. I don't feel your passion about what you're writing. Don't worry too much about sounding like you know what you're doing - write the way you know how to write. Write what people can feel.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable story. I loved the idea =)

Keep up the good work and have fun ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Hello, dear!

Honestly, I don't know what made me write this. As I said in my disclaimer, it was a Christmas gift for Rin and I wanted it to be something cute and heartwarming and this is what I came up with.

That was the idea; for it to hit home and remind us that what we have, won't last forever and to make each day count.

I usually try and write the way I know how, but sometimes I guess I force it out too much, eh? I'll see if I can't work on that better. :)

Thanks, Ilia. It's good to see you back! ♥


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Review #22, by TwilightPrincessDo I Exist?: Do I Exist?

31st July 2010:
Hi! Thanks for requesting =)

I like the idea of this, but I think you could have taken it further. I was expecting a completely neglected girl, but that's not what you portrayed here. She does get recognition; just not the kind she wants. From what you've said about her here, the question "Do I exist?" doesn't really fit. I think that if you're going to give a story an extreme title, take your characters to that extreme as well.

The writing was nicely done. I like that you wrote it in first person. It was interesting to get inside the mind of the girl who perhaps doesn't exist. It was a cool effect. I also really like that you had Lily write articles about her family's private affairs. It ties in nicely with the "Do I exist?" theme - writing is the proof that someone existed. I thought that was a really nice touch.

Again, I just think it would have been much more effective if you had pushed her neglect further. When James and Albus received high grades, why should Harry and Ginny pay any attention to Lily at all? For someone who doesn't exist, even a "You'll just have to try harder" is too much attention. Do you understand my point?

I was very surprised to see that this was written loosely about yourself. I don't wish this fate upon anybody, but I'm saying that if you're too nice to your characters, you just have a flat story.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was sad and pulled at me a bit =(

Keep up the good work and have fun ^-^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Ilia! Thanks for taking the time to review!

Like I said, this was just an experiment for me, but I'm glad there were some points that you liked. I can see your point behind the title/Harry's and Ginny's recognition towards Lily, now that I look at it. I'll see what I can do to fix it when I have the time.

And the part about it being loosely around myself... My brothers and sisters have bigger lifestyles than I and it's just very hard to live up to their standards. It's just very hard all around. And the part about Harry and Ginny saying "You'll just have to try harder", that part wasn't apart of my life. I just threw it in there. My parents are very supportive of what I do.

Thank you again, dear! I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

I hope you are doing well! ♥


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Review #23, by TwilightPrincessA Love Without End: A Love Without End

21st July 2010:
Hi there =) Thanks for requesting.

It took me a while to understand what was going on. I read it twice. It's not your fault; I missed the sentence that said whose funeral it was. Then I had to check the era and the characters and all of that. Then one more check for AU. Then I got it. XD

After I got past all of that, I found a really heart wrenching story. I usually don't care much for angst, but for some reason I could really feel this one. Something about a widower makes me sympathize. It's got to be a tough situation, especially for one with quite a few children. I like that you chose that setup for this story. It sort of forces Ron to grow up and be the man, because there is no one to clean up after him anymore. It's a somber situation.

There were a few things I didn't care for, though. These sentences: Fourteen was old enough to be strong and silent on the outside stoic. Fourteen was young enough to be shattered and dying on the inside broken. I don't care for the words 'stoic' and 'broken' being separated from the rest of the sentence. Either include them in the real sentences or just do the hyphenation once. To do the same thing twice lessens the effect.

Other than that, you did a great job. This fic was really well done. Lots of heart and soul. Great job =)

Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: No, thank you for reviewing!

Sorry for the confusion at the beginning! I was purposefully a vague in my writing of this and was really relying on faith that people would catch who I was talking about. Perhaps I need to add something to the summary to help point readers in the right direction... Glad you got there eventually, though!

This is one of those stories that's been banging around in my brain for a long time, but it took forever to get out on paper. I knew I had to do it right or it would just be a mushy, sappy, ansty overload that would make everyone sick. HOPEFULLY, I managed to avoid that. And yes, I always wanted to show a Ron that was forced to really grow up, take charge, be a father. I tried it with the canon kids but it just didn't work. There needed to be more of them. Once I bucked the system and started writing with my own kids, it all came together nicely. I'm glad you thought that approach worked.

Thanks for the note about the sentences. I was trying for an emphasis by repetited style, but perhaps it came across as less effective instead of more as I had hoped. I always appreciate people's litterary suggestions as that helps to make me a better author.

Thanks again for such a great review. Left me smiling!



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Review #24, by TwilightPrincessBringing Back Moony: Bringing Back Moony

21st July 2010:
Hi! Ilia here for your review. Thanks for requesting. =)

I really liked this. You have a way of setting scenes up for great things, and then you take them to placed beyond what I imagined. You really know how to get people to see and hear what you want them to. I could see this piece as a movie in my head, with sound effects and all. For example, when clowns were discussed and a red nose appeared on the nose of the werewolf, I heard a little squeak. How did you do that? Whatever you do, keep doing it. It's brilliant.

As a dream this worked beautifully. Have you seen Tim Burton's Big Fish? This piece reminded me of that film. There were lots of things that wouldn't normally work, but you kept with the same tone, so they did. It was sort of like "This is how it is, so you can deal." I love that. It shows that you are confident as a writer.

I especially love the bit at the beginning when Hermione asks, "What's wrong, Professor?" I love the way you handled that scene because it shows beautifully that when she asked that, Remus heard 'werewolf.'

The only thing I have a problem with is here: Loose the wolf suit, Moony, we have business to attend to, Lose. Loose is the opposite of tight.

This is a really great read. It's like a roller coaster ride through the mind of someone who has a serious mental illness. The pacing was great and the plot was fabulous. You should be proud.

Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I haven't seen that movie, but I will check it out now. :D Loose! Gah, you know that is the WORST word I write. I think I always write it wrong, like every sinle time I do something. *goes to edit* Thank you for pointing that out!!

Thank you so much for your time and your kind words. So appreciated! --Jenna


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Review #25, by TwilightPrincessThe First to Die: The First to Die

17th July 2010:
Ilia here for your review! Thanks for taking my challenge! I hope you had fun =)

You asked me to comment on the flow, which is very good. You have nothing to worry about in that respect. Every paragraph flowed nicely into the next. Even though it was punctuated by what I'm assuming are Tom's thoughts, the story made sense and it had good direction.

What didn't make as much sense, however, was the plot itself. The main character here is Tom Riddle - Voldemort - as a young boy, and he's going to kill his parents. Is that correct? That was my understanding. Also, I didn't think it was appropriate for him to be knocking on the door of the home he's intruding. If he's going to this home with the intention of killing its inhabitants, I doubt he would go through the motions of knocking first.

I liked the italicized thoughts that went on in Tom's head. They added a personal touch to the story, and I thought that was a good idea on your part. However, the punctuation at the end of them threw me. Sometimes you had commas - was your intention for the lines to continue? If that were the case, I suggest using ellipses instead. That way, it will be clear that there is something more to come.

Overall, this was a very interesting read. It was a nice snapshot of one moment in this person's life, and you wrote it very well. Keep up the good work and have fun!

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review!

I'm glad that you thought the flow was good, because I thought that the thoughts--yes, they're Tom's and they also double as the poem in the summary--connected it well.

Yes, it's Tom Jr. when he was around 16 killing his father and grandparents. I think that the knocking might be a Voldemort-pride-thing going on--and I also think that he wanted to take them by surprise. Had they answered the door, he would have AK'd them right then and there. I'll take another look at it, though, because I don't specifically remember writing it and there probably is something off about it.

I was just recently thinking about how off the punctuation is. Like you said, I'll either add ellipses or just cut the punctuation altogether.

Thank you again! I'm glad that you found it interesting. :)


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