Reading Reviews From Member: elegantphoenix
  
92 Reviews Found

Review #1, by elegantphoenixWelcome to the Circus: Welcome to the Circus

27th November 2010:
Hi, again. It's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums here with your second promised review. :)

I quite liked the metaphor that was used in this one-shot between the Weasleys and a circus. It fits well, given the circumstances, and Dom's feelings toward Teddy near the end explained her weirdness at the beginning towards Victoire before she left. It's refreshing to see the Weasleys' chaos as something slightly negative, like more of a cacophony than a harmony (if you understand my metaphor).

A few things I saw that may need revising were:

- "...watching her Victoire grab her wand from by the sink and shrug on a coat." The italicized section should either be changed to 'her' or 'Victoire'. You don't need both. ^_^

- "But she couldn't remember anyone ever speak of painting walls by hand." Speak should be 'speaking'.

That's all I could spot. Overall the one-shot was lovely and nicely written as always. One of the most memorable lines, for me, was: "It was these little cracks in the family that had always gotten to her; they appeared out of nowhere when in reality they had been festering for years, widening despite the paint or plaster thrown desperately over them." For some reason, that line reminded me of Doctor Who. :)

10/10
- Nadhira

Author's Response: Thanks for another nice review! I will certainly fix those mistakes as well. I've always pictured the Weasley chaos as a harmonic thing, as you said, but there's something about Next Gen that I think may tip it over the edge. You've got a few legends having kid after kid, as well as the first generation after a war, and that's bound to create some tension. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #2, by elegantphoenixQ Session: In Good Taste

27th November 2010:
Hello, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 FINALLY here with your extremely late review :P Sorry for the excruciatingly long wait; life has been a right pain. But I'm here now, and I absolutely adored this one-shot.

To be honest, I've never seen nor heard of a story written about Bertie Bott, so I guess that fact may just make this much more wonderful. I truly thought that the beginning, when you were describing Bertie and his way of thinking, was very insightful. It made me think, how many people really sat around and asked those 'what if' questions, to themselves or aloud? In this one-shot, you really managed to embody what I think is a true Ravenclaw at heart. I had a feeling that this story might lead to his invention of his famous jelly beans, but I liked the fact that you tied Myrtle into that invention, putting her in a new, more flattering light than most people do. I think my favorite part of this one-shot was where you were describing Honeydukes in such detail that it really brought out the awe and connection that Bertie had towards it (since he would soon create Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Jelly Beans).

Thank you for taking the time to give my challenge a go, and congratulations on winning second place. :)

10/10
-Nadhira

Author's Response: You know, the idea for this story came in the form of a question: what if Myrtle lived? It had nothing to do with Bertie in the beginning, but slowly he came to life and I then realized I had to include his jelly bean business. ;P Thanks for the absolutely lovely review, and for the fun challenge as well.

 Report Review

Review #3, by elegantphoenixIn My Veins: I Cannot Get You Out

20th November 2010:
Wow. I loved it! The intensity and moodiness of the chapter was consistent throughout, and I liked the character of Sonya as well as her chemistry with the other characters. Especially Sirius :P I am, however, a tad curious about Regulus as well.

I saw one thing that may need tweaking. Here, you said "I sat up with a jolt, and wal over to the forlorn picture..." and I think you meant "I sat up with a jolt, and walked over to the forlorn picture..." but other than that it was a great chapter. I'm looking forward to reading more. Update soon :)

10/10

Author's Response: Omg thank you for pointing that out. This is what happens when I write and proofread at ungodly hours.

I'm glad you liked it and thank you so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #4, by elegantphoenixVeela: Human

30th September 2010:
Wow. This was a very strong start to this story. I liked the vivid description and emotion that you brought to life here; the topic was very easy to relate to. I can see where Fleur (I'm assuming that she's the speaker here) is coming from; this was a very interesting view into the mind of a veela. To be honest, I have never read a veela-centric story, and I'm excited to read more from this one.

Also, I liked that you used Fleur to convey this view, this pain, because it also shows how her love for Bill sort of overshadowed that subconscious disgust. She did marry him, even after he was attacked by Fenrir, didn't she? :)

Well, I'll be reading more as soon as I can.

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Thanks for all the compliments! I've never really read a Veela-centric story before, either, which had me a bit nervous going into this one.

Yes, a very prominent part of this fic is how Fleur has managed to look past the Veela gene in favor of her love for Bill. Glad you spotted it right away!


 Report Review

Review #5, by elegantphoenixOn the Job: Mission Impossible

30th September 2010:
Draco and Harry (pseudo) lovers? For a job? Such a brilliant idea! And the real winning part? The who exchange and reasoning for why they, of all the people in the Auror department, were chosen actually made sense. Which is good :) It makes this whole chapter seem all the more believable, and with pairings (or fake pairings, in this case) like Drarry, it's hard to make them believable or less cliche without changing Draco from the start. Here, you managed to stay true to his character, which I really liked. Also, your description and characterization were fantastic. Especially the indirect comparison between Draco's OCD-ness and Churchwell's messiness.

Only found a few grammar errors, nothing huge though:
- "Probably Churchwell got wind of some rumor..." should be:
"Churchwell probably got/caught wind of some rumor..." for better readability.

- "At this Churchwell managed to look both uncomfortable, pitying, and exceedingly evil all at once..."
You can remove the word 'both' because there are more than two adjectives being used in this list, so the word 'both' isn't necessary.

That's all I could spot :)

Sorry it's taking me forever to get all of your reviews done, but I haven't forgotten about you, I swear! I'll try to get more of them done this weekend.

10/10,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hey Nadhira! I am horrendously sorry for the late response -.-

I spent so long trying to come up with a plausible mission that would require them to pretend to be in love. I'm going to try my best to keep Draco in character, even in parts where he's pretending to be in love with Harry!

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes! The former is actually something I chose for voice, but the second is just plain oversight on my part and I've fixed.

Thanks for the awesome review, I'm glad you liked it!


 Report Review

Review #6, by elegantphoenixProbably Improbable: Completely Unlikely

23rd September 2010:
Well, first I'd like to say that I thought you did a brilliant job with the quote from GoF. The story just flowed so nicely that I honestly believed it had been all yours. I was even going to comment on how much I liked it! Aha. Well, quote or no quote I still liked this. A lot. The way you write seems so... natural, if that's even the right word.

I liked the seemingly-almost platonic relationship between Scorpius and Roxanne, the way they seemed to have the same (or nearly the same) personalities ("I didn't think either one of them dated people"), though didn't really have feelings for eachother? I think you portrayed the 'friends-with-benefits' relationship between them flawlessly, with just a hint of there being more to it than that in the end with the closing line "Call it a date". Of course, the line could've been a casual thing, but who knows really?

...Well, except for you, that is. :P

Loved the one-shot, really. 10/10

:)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hey Nadhira, thanks for the review! Sorry it took so long to respond.

This was such a fun style to try; I never write fluff, but I just got into it and decided I liked it!

Haha, I don't pretend I know everything about my characters, so you could say I don't know if it was casual either. :P I have my theories, but, well, I believe Scorpius and Roxanne are probably the only ones who'll ever know for sure.

Thanks again!


 Report Review

Review #7, by elegantphoenixA Walk in The Park: Chapter 1

18th September 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 here with your review! Hope I didn't take forever :P

This was a nice one-shot. I thought that you did very well with adapting your picture to words, and though I might have wanted to see more of the scene with Rose and Scorpius than just her recalling it, I understand you had a word restriction and had to work with what you had. It's very understandable. I liked the interaction between Rose and her grandmother, and the way you managed to keep Molly's caring and understanding nature intact, while also portraying Rose's fear of being ostracized by her family for being with the son of one of their biggest rivals.

There were a few things that I noticed here, spelling and grammar that is. One thing you have to watch out for is capitalization. The personal pronoun 'I' should always be capitalized, even in contractions such as I've, I'll, I'd, etc. Also, the Burrow should also be capitalized because it is also a pronoun (the name of a person, place, or thing).

Also, your and you're. You may have got them confused.

"Don't be afraid to admit your in love." < In that sentence, it should be you're because 'your' is possessive, and incorrect in this context. You're is a contraction for 'you are'.

One sentence that confused me was this: "Tell the truth and dig yourself into a whole which you would eventually have to dig your way out of later by telling the truth. Or just tell the truth now." I think you may have ran yourself in a circle with those two sentences, and may need to edit them a bit for clarification.

Overall, I really did think you did a good job with the challenge, and I'm glad you decided to enter it at all :) Thank you again!

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: omg!! my grammar is soo bad. i lost my beta so i didnt have time to get a new one. but thanks so much for the review. i love constructive criticism. no really. i do :D
thanks again for the review. this was my first ever challenge and i really enjoyed it. great learning curve.


 Report Review

Review #8, by elegantphoenixWhen Arthur Saved Molly: When Arthur Saved Molly

18th September 2010:
Hello, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 here with the review I've promised! So glad that you made it just in time for the deadline!

This was really nicely written. I liked the way that you adapted the picture and tweaked it just enough to fit your setting and your story. I also liked how Arthur was quick to save Molly, even after he had thought she was a bit odd. But then again, maybe he saved her BECAUSE she was odd and had done something dumb. Whatever the reason, I thought it was sweet. Maybe there's a relationship blossoming on the horizon... ;) Overall, I thought that this was a very good one-shot. The emotion, flow, and description were all well done. Thank you again for taking the time to give my challenge a chance :)

Best,
Nadhira

 Report Review

Review #9, by elegantphoenixDéjà Vu: Thor, PMS-ey Teachers and Forgiveness

17th September 2010:
"I can't breathe without you." TAYLOR SWIFT REFERENCE?! I think so :) And I think I saw Breathless somewhere too, but I can't remember where. Did you intend to do that? Just thought I'd point that out because it was cool how it seemed to fit into the chapter. Also, I still don't fully understand why Dom was running around the school "trying to forget". That didn't really make sense to me, but overall, I loved the chapter! I'm glad that Apollo's back and everyone is back on (sort of) good terms. Even Artemis and James :3 YAY! *throws confetti* And thank goodness Dom and Apollo will not be naming their child Thor. Haha. That would be so interesting to see, though. I will admit, I did do a bit of hand-flourishing when I said it, too. It just seemed like a good idea at the time... :P

I can't really say that I have a favorite quote.. maybe the bit where their teacher yelled at Fred and he hadn't even said anything yet? That made me laugh. Oh! And the little exchange between Apollo and James when Apollo kissed the back of Dom's hand. Hahaha. Very nice. But why would James be sensitive to all the PDA? Isn't he still with Sarah? I feel like I'm missing something important :/

Awesome chapter! Can't wait to find out what the baby's name's going to be and how this partnership between James and Artemis goes (hopefully really well!!!). 10/10

Nadhira

Author's Response: hii! dude, you left like major reviews, which is totally awesome. what sucks is that school is trying to eat me so i can only respond to this one. i'm trying my bestest to respond, i really am.
but keep leaving those reviews. i read all of them. like, ALL of them. they make me happy.
onwards!
dom thing - i run when i want to take a break/forget stuff. i guess that's what she was doing...sorry if it was a little vague, haha :)

and james doesnt like PDA between his cousin and his best friend, that's all :)

thanks so much!!


 Report Review

Review #10, by elegantphoenixDéjà Vu: Self-Inflicted Comas, Flying Boogers and ‘The Attic Guy’

17th September 2010:
APOLLO! *epic fangirl squee* I don't know whether to be excited that he's back or annoyed that he ever left in the first place, but I AM intrigued as to what's going to happen next. This chapter was great as usual; I can't believe it's taken me so long to get around to reading it! Life's been so busy lately! ): But I absolutely LOVE this story and all of your amazing characters. Except James' psychotic girlfriend. She's seriously the worst! I wish she would stop antagonizing Artemis and her friends (sans James)...

Favorite quote? The whole bit about Artemis thinking she was a cow compared to James. I had to put my hands over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud and making my mom think I was a freak. Haha. But really, it was TOO good. I know exactly how she feels sometimes.

It's been a few years since I last read To Kill a Mockingbird, so I'm not quite sure if I love/d Atticus or not. But I loved the whole exchange between Artemis and her friends when she brought him up. Lol "the Attic-guy". Priceless.

Well, off to read the next chapter :)
10/10 as always.

Nadhira

 Report Review

Review #11, by elegantphoenixShattered: Shattered

10th September 2010:
Hello, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums with the review I've promised :) Thanks for entering my challenge!

Had a spare moment in my suddenly incredibly hectic life and thought I should review this real quick, since I actually read it last night! I thought that this was a very well done one-shot, and I think that you did nicely with your adaptation of the photo you were provided to work with. Though I think you might've done a little more description from the photo, I do understand the word count restriction and that you worked with what you could to finish your entry. The emotion in this was very believable, and I liked that you chose this moment in Katie's life to write about. Many Katie stories don't even touch the topic of her time being Imperiused, so I'm glad that you chose to do something different :) I could really see where Katie was pulling all of her negative, self-blaming thoughts and emotions from, even in so little words.

I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, but overall, I thought that this was really great to read :) Thank you again for taking the time to write up an entry for my challenge!

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad you liked it; this was so much fun to write. (:

Thank you, thank you!
-Jasmine


 Report Review

Review #12, by elegantphoenixYou're Gonna Miss Me: Love, Roger

2nd September 2010:
This was really great. Really, really great. And that's the truth ;) Aha. Well, honestly, I did enjoy this one-shot quite a bit. Very blunt and outspoken; I've never read anything from Roger's point of view, so this was very new to me and I did like it. I thought your description was lovely and the feelings that Roger had flowing throughout the story - the hurt, the anger, the nostalgia, the love - were very prominent and well written.

Also, when I saw that this story was influenced by High Fidelity, I was SO happy. What a coincidence! I read the book and watched the movie for English class last year for my semester project and loved them both. So, of course, I loved your adaptation as well. Roger reminded me sooo much of Rob. Again, brilliant job with this story. Adding it to my favorites :)

10/10
Best,
Nadhira

 Report Review

Review #13, by elegantphoenixShe Wrote Love On Her Arms: She Wrote Love On Her Arms

1st September 2010:
Hi :) It's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums, here with your review! Thank you once again for taking up the challenge.

Wow. That's all I can say right now: wow. This was such a great one-shot to read. It had so much feeling, and was so very deep and well thought-out to a point. Before I'd read this, I had never once thought about 'love' the way that Molly does, and now I think I'll be thinking twice about it from now on. ;)

Your adaptation of the picture that you were given was well done as well; you took the things you could from the photo - the words on her arms, and the coffee - and expanded on them greatly, as the challenge proposed. I thought that you did a fine job doing so on the description front, and the feelings of uncertainty when it came to the word 'love' only made the one-shot more likable for me.

Thank you one more time for taking the time to enter the challenge. :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hi! I'm sorry for how atrociously long it's taken to respond!

For a second I just stared at that photo blankly, and then my mind just about exploded with this idea. I'm not sure how I decided what I was doing, but there you go. This challenge was perfect inspiration. :P

Thanks so much for taking the time to review! And thanks for posting a challenge that got my muse rolling :)

Sami


 Report Review

Review #14, by elegantphoenixGone: Forever Wasn't Long Enough

1st September 2010:
Hello there. It's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums here with the review that I've promised :) Thanks for giving the challenge a go!

I thought that this was a nice one-shot overall. The idea to give Cho a place to come and talk to Cedric every once in a while was very interesting, and it reminded me a little bit of Charlie St. Cloud and his little brother. But anyway. I liked the idea to have Cedric sort of relinquish his hold on Cho, to realize that he was holding her back and let her go. It seemed very much like what he would have done when he was alive as he was a very humble and loyal person at times; on the other hand, Cho was clearly very emotional, which you portrayed very well here as well.

Some things I'd like to point out are that, first, your story didn't quite meet the word count for the challenge. You're about four words shy, ^_^ You're free to go back and change a few things to get it to 1000, but I thought I'd just let you know. Second, I found a few grammar errors, if you will, that stuck out when I was reading:

- "Oh, sweet and kind Cedric, handsome, and we were meant to be. Or so I thought, until he was killed at the hand of You-Know-Who."
I think that you could probably clear that up a bit more, because it seems sort of.. choppy? Maybe by putting all of the adjectives together in the first bit - "Cedric was so sweet, kind, and handsome..." - then, since the second part of that sentence can stand alone, the 'and' isn't really needed, so you could make it a sentence on its own, add a semi-colon, or hitch it to the second sentence like so: "We were meant to be, or so I thought, until he was killed by You-Know-Who."

- "There is no other man that I would have been willing to give my life up for."
The word 'up' isn't really necessary in this sentence.

Those are the only things I noticed, but overall, like I said before I thought that this one-shot was really nice and well done. It really showed Cho's strong love and loyalty toward Cedric, even after his death. I thought that you portrayed their strained 'relationship', if you will, beautifully.

Thank you, again, for taking up my challenge. :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Thank you for the constructive critiscm, and thank you for such a wonderful challenge! It definitely got me out of my box! I'm glad you liked the story.

 Report Review

Review #15, by elegantphoenixHand Me Down: Hand Me Down

1st September 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums here with your review :) Sorry for the wait, but I'd like to thank you for taking up my challenge!

..Now that the formalities are over, on with the review. I thought that this one-shot was very sweet and caring, in a way. How Lily was attached to her sister in the way a younger sister would be, as though her days of looking up to her older sister had yet to subside. Though I liked the idea of the wedding dress being handed down, I think you might've been able to do a little more relating to the picture - maybe Lily seeing the dresses through the window of a shop some time before her own wedding, or her hopes of becoming a bride someday, etc. But I do like that you incorporated and adapted the picture into words by using little details and expanding them, which is sort of what the challenge was mostly about. So lovely job on that part.

It seemed a bit abrupt for Lily to change her mind about how she felt about her sister's absence when she saw that her chair was empty at the wedding, as she had been upset about it earlier in the story and not even James' arms around her had been able to ease her anxiety. Maybe I can see it as a little epiphany she had in the end. ;) But it was still a wonderful read overall. Thanks again for giving the challenge a shot.

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

With only so many words, I had to choose my scenes carefully. Lily never really got the chance to look for her own wedding dress because her mum had immediately pushed her own dress onto her and Lily didn't have the guts to say otherwise.

As for the abruptness, that's really what it was. One moment, she was fretting over Petunia not being there, the next she just didn't care anymore. No real explanation except that she saw James, how happy he was, and she just suddenly realized how much she loved him.

It took that single moment at her wedding for her to forget her worries. And sometimes that's how it is.

Anyway, thanks again for the review and the challenge. I really enjoyed it. ^^

Dem


 Report Review

Review #16, by elegantphoenixUnexpected : Unexpected

17th August 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums (finally) here with your review as promised! So sorry it took me forever; RL is a pain. :P

Well, I'd first like to say thank you for giving the challenge a go. I thought that you did quite well with your picture/character pairing; I have never read a Minerva McGonagall story to be quite honest, so I did not know what to expect other than the canon version of her. Your portrayal of her showed me a whole new perspective of her - as a woman with a heart and a guilty conscience. I suspect she feels it's her fault, since she had neglected to realize Tom Riddle's ulterior motives and stopped him from killing the Potters, and I can feel how sad she seems. I thought you adapted the picture into words quite nicely as well, especially the way you tied in the colors of the leaves with the comparison to Lily's "flame-like hair".

A few things I'd like to point out because I'm so finicky with grammar (sorry): "As she walked, she could recall Lily's laugh and James crooked grin." - James should be James'. and here: "She knew that Dumbledore would chid her for being so superstitious.." - I think you meant to put 'chide' instead of 'chid'. ^_^

One thing that caught me a bit off guard was the line "He'd probably resent her for being so old and telling so many stories of his parents." when you were talking about why Minerva taking Harry in would be impossible. At first, I sort of assumed that it wouldn't have worked because she would (eventually) be his teacher, but then I realized that maybe they didn't know that he was a wizard yet. So your explanation seemed to work well with the whole mourning theme - since she seemed to like the Potters so much, it would make sense that she spoke of them often - of your story. All in all, I thought you did a lovely job.

Thanks again for giving the challenge a go! :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hey there! That's okay, I know RL can be a pain. :)

I love Minerva McGonagall! Unfortunately, I've never written a story about her before now. I think I'm going to have to do it again, since I adore her so much.

Thanks, I'm pleased that you thought I did a good job adapting the picture into the story. :)

Well, I think that she knew that he was a wizard, but she didn't really think of that. Sometimes, I feel that people get on one train of thought and seem to keep going with that rather than consider all the possibilities.

Sorry that took you off guard, though. I thought it made sense. =/

Thanks for pointing out those typos. I'm usually golden as far as grammar is concerned, but I didn't really proofread this before putting it up, I'll admit. I'm an English-Lit major, so grammar Nazi's are fine by me. ;)

Thanks for the challenge!

♥,
Linders


 Report Review

Review #17, by elegantphoenixWouldn't It Be Nice?: It Would Be

9th August 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 here with your review. :) Sorry I took forever, life's been so busy.

Well, although it was a short one-shot, I thought it was very good. Sweet and to the point. I think that the ending was a bit rushed, like it sort of jumped from one place to the next without much in between, but overall it was nice. It does, however, make me wonder why they couldn't be together until the morning? I mean, if Draco knew the password to the common room, did that mean that they were in the same house?

It also sort of confused me as to why she woke up in the common room at all, which brings me back to the bit where I said you jumped from one place to the next. I just think that there could have been a little more interaction (?) between the bit where they were talking and then when she woke up. But that's just my two cents.

Again, it was a nice read overall. Thank you for giving my challenge a go :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Yeah, I had intended to make it much longer with the whole actual plot after that scene. I just ran out of time. I may go back later and add another chapter and turn it into a short story, because all those questions you raised are answered in my head.

Thank you for coming up with the awesome challenge and thanks for the review!


 Report Review

Review #18, by elegantphoenixHanging On: Hanging On

7th August 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums with the review I've promised :)

First, I would like to say thank you for taking on my challenge, and although you were two words shy of 1,000, I still think you did a beautiful job writing this. The description flowed quite nicely, every feeling sort of blending in to the next. I could really feel how Rowena was feeling here, how unafraid of death she was and, in her last moments, how much her body wanted to hold on to that last bit of love for as long as she could. I thought that the way you had Godric interact with Rowena was gentle, though at his first line it seemed he hadn't realized yet that Rowena was dying, but rather thought it had been an accident, almost? But then he was crying, so maybe he had realized it and didn't want to sound too mournful? Whatever the case, I thought that you adapted the picture provided into words very well.

Thanks again for giving the challenge a go :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Haha, my word processor told me it was 1,000 words, and hpff clearly thinks it's 998. I'm not going to stress, but perhaps I'll add two more, to make it official.

I'm very pleased you like my description! It's as far from a strongpoint as you can get, and much closer to a weakness. No, it IS a weakness. So I'm glad you liked it in this story. :D It was also written all in one sitting, so I didn't even stress over it as I normally do.

The way I pictured the dialogue was this: Godric appeared, and assumed Rowena was dead. He was shaken, but she can't see that and thus the fact doesn't appear in the narrative. He tried to keep cool, telling her what had happened (I also needed a way to explain it had been an accident by a student, probably in DADA class) and once he got a hold of himself, felt for a pulse. He found none, and once more tried to hold it together, and say some nice words over his friend's body. However, as you can see, a few tears were shed. So the whole time he thought she was dead, but Rowena couldn't see the anguish he felt, and he had "proof" she was dead just before his long speech. Make sense?

Anyway, thanks for the quick review!


 Report Review

Review #19, by elegantphoenixDéjà Vu: Friends, Love and Secrets

17th July 2010:
Ack, it took me forever to get around to reading this chapter. I don't know what's wrong with me! I think my brain has been on a writing/reading strike for the past week or so after pumping out 100k on my JulNo in less than a week, but I think it's getting better now. So, enough about me; more about the godliness that is dream_BIG (you know, you)!

Before I space out and forget, I'll give you the favorite quote first: "...wait. Panthers are agile, right?" Hahaha. Missy never fails to amaze me. I'm really glad that this was written from the first person POV because I don't think half of the stuff you've put into this story would have worked any other way. So kudos to you. (: And MORE kudos for bringing back the IM sessions. They are so blatant and funny, even when they aren't really supposed to be funny. I don't know why, but I started grinning like a loon on loony pills when it said "Prongs.Junior has signed off." It was just so in your face. I was sort of like whoa. HAHAHA. It's hard to explain. Or maybe I really am just a loon on loony pills...

I totally wanted to get in on that hugging action with Jason in the scene by the lake D: Haha. He really is just like the teddy bear of the group. He's so sensitive and wonderful, and understanding, and WISE! I laughed when he totally flipped out over the bad timing of the 'love you' thing. And then Sarah. Oh, Sarah. She's so evil! When she said 'I know your secret' I was kind of like *gasp* and then WHAT THE CRAP. and then *confused/intrigued* But I never really liked her as the sunshine and butterflies cookie cut out barbie anyway. At least now she's more interesting. :) But I think someone needs to smack some sense into James. Preferably Missy?

Fantastic chapter. Update soon! 10/10
Best,
Nadhira

 Report Review

Review #20, by elegantphoenixA New Beginning : A New Beginning

22nd June 2010:
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums, here with your review! :)

I would first like to say that you did very well with your pairing and lyrics, and I found it clever how you managed to work the lyrics in in a few lines. This one in particular stood out to me: "She still wanted the touch of Lysander's hand, for him to kiss her in that stupid leather jacket as they laid in the sand, and even all the needless drama he caused." Nicely done. Oh, and I liked the repetition of the words 'bad romance' throughout the story, because it sort of emphasized the situation that Dom had been in before. I also liked how you implied that there had been some history between Dom and Scorp, and the ending was a bit refreshing and light-hearted after the angsty beginning.

I enjoyed your characterization of Dom as well. She always struck me as the more rebellious, if you will, of the three children, while Victoire was the dainty princess-type. I liked how you made her sort of mother-like and protective of her sister as well, which you don't see much in stories that involve both sisters.

One thing I think you should work on is breaking up your longer paragraphs a bit more. Don't get me wrong, your description is very helpful in setting the scene and bringing your characters to life, but sometimes people may shy away from huge paragraphs looming at them from the computer screen. Other than that, I thought the one-shot was very well done.

Thank you, again, for taking on my challenge! :)

9/10
Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks! ;) I do try to be subtle, sometimes. In others, I find it better to bash the reader in the head in a way that isn't so clandestine. Yes, I like ending or beginning on a good note, if I can't . . . I like fusing some humor into the piece. Not all my stories have happy endings, but I think that's true to life. . .

Thanks again! I'm really glad that you like my characterization of her. She varies from story to story, but I must admit she's always the one more apt to be rebellious in my stories. The one that has a vulgar tongue and is a bit too violent for her own good, but I do like it when she and Victoire get along. I hate pieces where they are constantly bickering and insisting that they loathe one another. They're sisters. It shouldn't be like that. >_<

I know what you mean. People comment on it all the time, but it's something I refuse to change. I hate small, short paragraphs. I adore longer paragraphs, even when I'm reading. Perhaps, I'm odd like that - but I like to be overwhelmed in description. I've never liked sparse pieces so much as the ones that divulged a lot of emotion or scenery.

You're quite welcome! It was quite challenging trying to infuse the idea of a 'bad romance' with dancing in the rain, but I was bound and determined to do it. So, thanks for the challenge, I guess? xD


Linders


 Report Review

Review #21, by elegantphoenixAshes and Dust: Purgatory

15th June 2010:
I'll admit, I was wondering a bit about there being a Dramione pairing somewhere along the way, but I'm proud to say that I'm not upset in the least about there not being one. It's sort of refreshing, I think, for them to coexist in the same story without there being any romantic interactions between them. I thought she was a very believable character here, in that she was very serious about her job. I think that, even if I hadn't read the cast list at the beginning, I would have known she was standing behind Brant because of the line: "I believe immolated is the proper term..." It seemed like such a Hermione-thing to say!

I really liked Draco here. He seemed very inwardly emotional, but still very tough on the outside. He was also very realistic and believable for me. The bit with Libby was very cute; she was genuinely concerned for him, and I liked how she would always come and care for him whenever he woke up in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I really believe that this story is off to a great start! It truly is difficult to write a sequel, but I think you're doing a good job! :) I'll look out for the next chapter!

10/10

Author's Response: Hi elegantphoenix!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! And yes, there will be no Dramione in this fic. I sort of felt the need to post that particular disclaimer in the last chapter because most readers seem to pull for Draco/Hermione. Their interaction in this fic, however, will be on a strictly sympathetic basis. Hermione is very sensitive when it comes to matters of justice and she realizes that Draco is being turned into a scapegoat, which, despite their childhood rivalry, upsets her.

Also, I'm so thrilled to hear that enjoyed Draco's characterization in this chapter. You're right about his personality--tough on the outside, damaged on the inside.

Again, thanks for the awesome review! It was wonderful hearing from you. The next chapter is in the works and should be posted soon. Take care and be well!

Best,
celticbard


 Report Review

Review #22, by elegantphoenixDéjà Vu: Morpius Salfoy, Date Sabotaging and Barbie

5th June 2010:
"You know, this qualifies as kidnap... I could write you up for this." Ahahaha. I love Rose! Oh and Alex as well: "Artemis, are you feeling alright? Like, in the general brain area?" This chapter was wonderful!

Aw, questions made it so much easier to decide what to write in a review! But I know what you mean about the dialogue box! It's so funny and annoying at the same time! Well, on to the chapter. I quite liked it myself. Missy's plan was brilliant! I don't know what all the fuss was about it. Hahaha, I didn't think she was crazy, but then again I didn't think Rose was going to murder Scorpius either. I knew that somewhere deep down she liked him, and that on some level they WERE friends, which kind of eliminated the murdering option. I mean, there's not really anything else to do in a broom closet than snog, is there? Sure, they could've talked, but that would have gotten old pretty quickly. Personally, I think that Scorp told Rose how he felt, and she fell for him instantly, leading them to the whole everyone-finds-them-snogging-in-a-broom-closet fiasco.

I think my favorite part was when Artemis and everyone met Sarah. She's SO scary. I have come to the conclusion that either James was very desperate, or very full of himself when he decided who he wanted to be his girlfriend. A JSP fan club? REALLY?! Where can I sign up?! :D Just kidding. But honestly, she is pretty loony. As bad as it sounds, I hope this is just some ploy to make Artemis feel bad, cause I don't think James really could stand being with Sarah for too long.

Well, that's all I've got, love. Hope to see another chapter soon :) 10/10

 Report Review

Review #23, by elegantphoenixSparks of Beginning : A Vow

2nd June 2010:
Of the Founders, I've always liked the Ravenclaws best. Perhaps it's because of their immense intellect, or because the color blue is my favorite, but whatever the cause I always enjoy reading stories about them. However, this story happens to only be the second Founders era story I've read, ever. So, I'm not sure how I have a preference.

Anyway.

I really liked this. Helena is often seen as sort of envious to her mother's plethora of knowledge, wisdom, and influence; cast into the shadows by her own mother. You've managed to give Helena a stronger character, but I can still sort of see the envy underneath - she does wish to be greater than her mother one day, does she not? I've never come across a story where the Mirror of Erised was used outside of the Hogwarts Era (though I'm sure there are some lurking round here somewhere) so this was quite original. Admittedly, it was short, but in saying that it was also very well written. The plot flowed well, and your characterization was very believable.

I think one thing you might need to do is give this another look, checking for some grammatical errors here and there; you seem to have spelled their name wrong as well - it's Ravenclaw, instead of Ravanclaw. Not saying it to be mean, just being helpful as many people have a pet peeve of canon character names being misspelled.

Good work here.
9/10 :)

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I've always hated how Helena is seen as weak. She was one of my favorite characters to write. I'm thinking about writing another and longer Helena story...
Thanks for pointing that out! Grammer isn't my strongest suit. I'll make the changes soon.
-Liza


 Report Review

Review #24, by elegantphoenixMorning after Dark: "Happy new year, doll."

2nd June 2010:
OK, it's good that you cleared up the bit about Rose's hair at the end, because I WAS going to ask. Sorry. Well, on to the review. :)

I thought that this was really well written for a first chapter. The plot flow was nice, and your interactions between characters was brought out well in both their actions and descriptions. I could really feel/see how much Rose was in pain after she'd left Christian's house. At the beginning, I was a bit unsure about who this story was about, but that's alright. You managed to clear it up quite... reasonably? I think that's the right word, but then again maybe it isn't. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say :P

One thing that particularly irked me was the cell phone. I understand that, as a technology prone teenager, we're all tempted to write in things like phones, etcetera; but you've got to remember that most people in the wizarding world aren't as technology prone as we are, no matter the year or generation. It's how the original characters (Hermione, Ron, Draco, Neville, Luna, etc) were raised, so wouldn't they instill that tradition in them? Just something to think about.

Overall, that was very nicely written, and a fresh way to look at Rose's character (no longer the excessively smart bookworm head over heels in love with a certain Malfoy as usual, eh?).

Best,
Nadhira

Author's Response: Hi Nadhira,
I'm glad that you like it. I was set on going on a different path than the usual redheaded bookworm Rose, and I was quite nervous about the outcome, but it seems like it's ok like this.
About the cellphone. As you'll see in the next chapters, Rose and the rest of her "magical" friends are living with muggles, so they have adopted a lot of muggle things into their lifes to fit in. Hence the cellphone:)
Thank you for your wonderfull review, and look out for the next chapter in the upcoming week :)


 Report Review

Review #25, by elegantphoenixDéjà Vu: Kisses, Ranting and Our Freak Circus

31st May 2010:
1) I mean, I think you already know what I have to say on the prediction front, so I think I'll just keep my ridiculously long James and Artemis rants to myself... Erm. Nevermind. SO. When Artemis was finally backing down, I had the sudden urge to jump into the computer screen (and, thus, the story) screaming NO! Because this would mean she was GIVING UP on JAMES. *cue unpleasant, but slightly comical sad face* He has to make an appearance sometime, his girlfriend MUST be some unsightly hag that he's only with to make Artemis feel completely horrible and jealous, and they must link arms and run off into the sunset together, or something.. Right?

2) Favorite quote this time was the whole exchange between Al and Ella about Noah's favorite things as she was leaving. Hahaha. Made me laugh, clearly. Like I might have mentioned once upon a time, you. are. a. GENIUS. Seriously. *puts on serious face* The quote that comes in close at second place is "WANTED: New best friend. Sixth year. Male. Preferably not insane. Owl Scorpius Malfoy if interested." Haha. BRILLIANT! And I totally did not expect him actually attempting to go and make the signs. Haha, but I suppose I can understand why he would. Who would want to stick around whilst their best friend endlessly ranted and went all goo-goo eyed over some girl they've just met a day ago? One they claim their IN LOVE with at first sight? I wouldn't. No sir. Tee hee. Got to love him, though.

3) With that said, I think Albus is... well... he's a bit of both. He's adorable, because he's FINALLY, after roughly thirteen chapters, in full blown lurve. But Noah seems like she's on a slightly higher tier than him sometimes, doesn't she? She's like the voice of reason for Artemis, and she doesn't enjoy being pushed around. OH! That reminds me of the bit where they're in the Entrance Hall. Favorite quote no. 3: "No, I can walk myself to class, thank you very - oi, put my books down, you tosser!" (That's 12+ right?) :D Noah is a right piece of work, she is. But I love her as well. Loads and loads.

4) I don't HATE you... that much. *insert wide smile of innocence* I think it's very original that you didn't have them instantly fall in love with eachother, and that you didn't make them mortal enemies either. You made her think of him as a brother, something I don't think I've ever seen before. I'm curious to see if that ever changes, though. Maybe Scorpius manages to win her over in the end? Hint, hint; wink, wink; nudge, nudge?

5) My favorite character would have to be.. well.. I'd say Artemis, because she's the main character and everything, but I don't think it's her. I think maybe, Ella, because she's so bright and bubbly all the time, and she doesn't really care what everyone thinks of her (a few chapters back, someone said she had the maturity level of a baby monkey - Dom, I think - and she didn't deny it). But underneath all that craziness, she's still sort of.. normal? She had that level of protectiveness over her sister when it came to Al, and I liked seeing that new side to her. So yep. Definitely Ella.

6) Least favorite character in the story is (no, not Apollo. Haha, fooled you! :P) MATT. Even though he's only a minor character, he's still a humongous prat. I want him to disappear off the face of the earth (or... you know, whatever fanfiction-y realm he lives in) and leave poor Alex alone. In saying this, I wonder if Alex is harboring some unrealized feelings for a certain spawn of Weasley as well... hm...

7) The banner is fabulous. Afterglow should be given a cookie. Or a dozen. And should be deemed God-like in their banner-making skills. Because they are UNTOUCHABLE. Oh, and your summary is pretty neat as well. I wish I had the marvelous power with words you possess, but, sadly, I do not. *sulks*

8) I'm not sick of them! They make you seem like a lot more than just an author name! And it assures and REassures us reviewers that you care about us, even though you haven't got the time to respond! So keep up the long author's notes! I love them :) And giving us questions to answer is brilliant as well.

Well, I suppose that's it for my incredibly, obscenely long, ranting review. I didn't know I had it in me, but, well, I suppose I do. Maybe I'll do this more often, eh? It feels good. La la la, where was I? Oh yes! I was going now. Tee hee. LOVE this story with all I've got.

100/10.
- Nadhira

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>